#your acceptance is conditional
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I dont really agree with or think some kind of, how do people phrase it, 'gender abolition' is possible or truly desirable, but much like peace and justice I think it is a worthy pursuit.
People would still be men and women in a gender equality utopia but it would also be not even noticeable or worth mentioning outside of a medical environment, because gender expression would be considerably more divorced from identity.
Idk how to explain. Like i do not fundamentally think there is a difference between men and women and i don't think anyone can actually tell what your 'true' gender is and I don't agree with any sort of idea of gender divination. I don't think people were odd about me because they somehow 'knew' i was a boything, I think I just wasn't conforming properly and that was noticeable. It is not surprising that being autistic and being trans has a lot of overlap.
You just... can't operate on a framework that says you can fundamentally tell the difference between men and women. Unless you also want to make pretty much every gay person stop being gnc, or every trans person to want to pass.
You can't even add a third category and ascribe traits to that as nonbinary, because binary people will have those traits too.
You've gotta cut the tree at the base and say and believe that we made all this shit up. It doesn't actually invalidate anyones identity. I think its actually really good to see even the most genderly cissest of expressions and have your brain say 'that could be a man or a woman or a nonbinary person or none of those things' not that I think you should *treat* people like that, but it should, ideally, (and I struggle with this so I'm not saying this is easy or possible for everyone) mean that if someone corrects you, you should be able to go 'that makes sense, I will see you as your gender from now on now that I know' and get back to what you were doing with that person.
The hardest part of getting people to respect you when you're trans, isn't the trans part. Most people are, at the surface, trans-positive. But getting them to actually, not just respect your identity, but to actually *see* it? Honestly, the amount of people who I feel do that is single digits.
They have never had to question their perception of gender before. They have no practice because they have literally never thought about it. It's not their fault. But it is a solvable, practiceable problem (that I struggle with still).
Some people at least add 'trans' to their internal categories, but this is still a problem because, what sorts of people 'look trans' to them?
You've gotta aim for complete dillution of what a man and woman is in your head. If you're ever corrected, the process of seeing someone as any possibility should be already done in your head. They just have to tell you and you should already be ready for them to be themselves. It's hard, but I really do think it's the best we can do. Because we cannot divine it.
There will always be people who look at me and misgender me by operating on defaults. But I would much rather this happen sometimes than for people to only correctly gender me because they're afraid to be told off or because they, well, correctly guessed my flavour of queer.
Neither of these 'correct' people actually see me as me. And that's what anyone really wants.
#drakepost#this got long whoops#trans#gender#nonbinary#I dont know how to explain it. But i would much rather someone think im butch or a trans woman sometimes#than to see me as a cis man#like. the pronouns might be more correct but youre way further away from me than the 'incorrect' altrenative#i dont think there is a solution that will work for everyone#because being queer is by definition gonna work outside those boxes#nonbinary identities should expand not confine expression. yknow#is this even a hot take. i feel like this was a popular viewpoint years ago but now everyone has got wierdly hardheaded about the binary#you can be trans friendly and also against gender categories its actually vital to being trans friendly#if your trans acceptance falls flat because a trans person didnt meet your expectations of what a trans person looks like...#your acceptance is conditional
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It really does look like pivoting to Harris has thrown the Republican party for a loop. She's speaking clearly, concisely, and with wit; if she were to be put in the ring with Trump, it would be a knockout if only because she's coherent.
I'm voting blue regardless, but I've started to feel like I've moved from voting for the 'least bad' option to someone I might actually be more passionate in supporting.
#US politics#biden harris 2024#Also before people comment or reply or etc#I will NOT be posting more on this matter#I keep politics off this blog because there's already plenty of it out there#also I know that Harris isn't perfect. the media has made it abundantly clear and thrown all of her failures to the public#dems have ALSO criticized some of her work/legislation#but again (and I cannot stress this enough)#WE CANNOT DEMAND PERFECTION RIGHT NOW#I'd argue that a good percentage of Americans (~40-50%) do not have a solid grasp of how absolutely precarious things are right now#and I'm not talking about the economy or the job market or housing#I am talking about looking at the historical precedent for everything the right is trying to do#the water is heating up. They're setting it to boil. If you are not careful#you'll find your rights are slowly starting to slip through your fingers#“Oh Artsekey that's catastrophic thinking! You're making it sound worse than it is!”#Listen. Our nation is extremely young. We're exiting decades of prosperity. People are desperate. They want something to grasp on to#These are the conditions in which people accept more authoritarian rule. Slowly. A little at a time.#It. Can. Happen. Here. Don't let it!
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Love it when a character is revealed to be someone physically disabled or chronically ill and that the world around them is just an escapist fantasy that, although gives them short-term relief from their awful and cruel situation beyond anyone's control, would eventually make them so out-of-touch with reality that it destroys their very being and they begin to lose who they are in the fantasy because escapism is not, in fact, the solution to their problems
#mayaposts#maki sonomura#maelle#maelle dessendre#alicia dessendre#haven't played expedition 33 yet and i am planning too once i get money but from what i've seen basically#expedition 33#expedition 33 spoilers#persona#persona 1#as a physically disabled and chronically ill person who's mostly housebound i want more of this trope please please please#i feel like this trope speaks to me in a way that other tropes can't really fully get into and especially when the trope says that escapism#IS the answer and you should abandon the real world which never truly resonates with me#the loneliness the bitterness the bargaining the harsh reality the fact that accepting that harsh reality is still going to be difficult bu#is the first step to getting better and maybe things won't but if you stay in your fantasy you'll only get worse even with short-term#happiness that that escapism provides you and the tough choices you have to make to fight to keep living#also when the characters are dealing with grief from a loved one too that they can't fully process because of their condition and#that condition may even be caused by the very thing that the grief is about???#speaks to me in so many levels
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You know what? Fuck you *hits Father Ardelian with the shoujo filter and babygirlifies your priest*
@stjohnstarling
#wmom#father ardelian#victor ardelian#Victor wmom.. my favorite blonde tortured white boy turned babygirl.. I love u#what manner of man#tbh this is not my best work but I am working under trying conditions ok (iPad is dying on me and is determined to quit me out of procreate#5 times while working on this 😔#I was less worried abt proportions and such and more concerned with the fact that my iPad is a sickly victorian#child and keeps rejecting my gentle coaxing and attempts to clear storage on it and trying to make sure#it doesn’t corrupt any of my projects#anyways idk if anyone saw this but like two weeks ago I posted this drawing except it was my oc Gabriel#the Hans of the southern isles lookin guy#I decided to redraw this (aka make some minimal changes) to make it Victor#so if anyone saw this same drawing but a redhead w glasses… no u didn’t <3#priest tag#My art#art#priest art#Sorry to tag u St. John#I know you probably like seeing stuff about your oc but like. Every time I do it feel like I’m gonna explode#like please don’t hate me. But I drew your guy. please accept my humble drawing. Sorry to bug you but here he is#anyways uh I hope someone likes my pink girlypop priest drawing. Happy pride you little freaks <3 (affectionate) (I’m freaks)
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Ambrose and Elliot #34
Masterpost
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Warnings: torture, past noncon, waterboarding, broken bones
It was some sort of sick game.
Or at least, [REDACTED] hoped it was a game. It certainly didn’t feel like one, but if he could fool himself into thinking it, there was still hope.
“Please, sir-”
Lord Dael kicked him again, knocking the breath out of him. “Stop-” he gasped, and the boot came down to slam his head into the stone.
The room swirled, and he felt bile and blood in his mouth.
“Don’t tell me to stop,” Lord Dael snarled. “Don’t ever tell me to stop. Got it?” His heel dug into [REDACTED]’s temple, and the pressure made his head throb.
“I got it! I got it, sir, please-”
The boot lifted from his head, and [REDACTED] curled into himself. He didn’t dare cover his head. Defending himself only made Dael get more sadistic.
Dael loomed over him, and [REDACTED] couldn’t bear to look at him. He focused on the shadow cast on the floor.
“I don’t think I like ‘sir’ anymore,” Dael said, stroking his face. [REDACTED] screwed his eyes shut, shuddering. He didn’t like him like this; it meant he’d be fucked again-
“You’re going to call me ‘Master’,” he continued, patting his cheek, and [REDACTED] nodded.
“Yes, Master,” he breathed out.
As long as Master was happy, it didn’t hurt so much.
___________________
“You deserve this,” Dael said, taking a swig of wine.
[REDACTED] cried, his arms and shoulders burning with every movement.
Master had strung him up by the wrists, left him dangling on his tiptoes, and grabbed a bullwhip.
“Say it,” Lord Dael commanded. He cracked the whip in the air next to [REDACTED], and he jumped.
“I- I deserve this.”
“You deserve this, what?” The whip came down on his back, and [REDACTED] screamed as the fire ripped up his back for the dozenth time.
“I deserve this, Master!” he cried out. The whip cracked through the air again, and [REDACTED] wailed.
It wasn’t true, it wasn’t. He didn’t deserve this. No one deserved this.
“You should be thanking me,” Master said, pausing to drink more wine. “I’m teaching you your place. Your purpose.”
The whip came down on his back before he could answer, and hot wet blood dripped down his skin.
He gasped for air. “Th-thank you, Master,” he shuddered.
“Again.” The whip slashed into him-
“Thank you, Master!”
Thank you thank you thank you-
___________________
The month was almost up, and [REDACTED] had never looked forward to something more.
He had a plan: get the money, and get out. He’d go to the doctor first, as his wounds were too much to bear.
Then, he’d pick up his sister. Surely she was at the Emry temple, and he’d give her the biggest hug and apology he could manage.
[REDACTED] licked his dry, cracked lips. He couldn’t really explain what happened- it was too awful for her- but hopefully she would understand, especially with all the money he’d be paid.
The money. It must be a lot; a whole month of wages and maybe more because of… He cut the thought off. He shifted, trying to find a position that didn’t irritate his sore ass.
It would be enough to pay bills, get her new shoes, clothes.
Her birthday was in two weeks. She’d be nine, and there would be enough money for a proper present, unlike the past few years. He knew she wanted a sketchbook and some fancy colored pencils. He could swing that.
Birthdays were important, after all. Especially nine. “Almost double digits!” she had told him proudly.
Maybe there would even be enough for cake.
[REDACTED] closed his eyes, and dreamed of sweets and shiny wrapped boxes.
___________________
Richard opened the cell door, metal rod in hand. He wasn’t sure what the steel was originally for, but it was the perfect weight and length to teach his slave a lesson.
The slave cracked his eyes open, his nose and mouth covered in dried blood and cum.
“Morning,” Richard smiled at him. The slave sat up partially, still leaning on his arm.
His eyes dropped to the steel in his hand, and he looked devastated.
It was a good look on him.
“The- the month is over, Master,” he whimpered.
Richard blinked. “You actually believed me?” he asked, incredulous.
The boy’s eyes went wide. He actually thought-
Richard laughed. It was just too good.
The slave slowly stood, shakily sliding up the wall.
“You- you said-”
“I lied, moron,” Richard mocked, advancing on him.
The boy looked at the door and back to him, and surely he wasn’t that dumb-
The kid ran towards the doorway.
Richard grabbed his arm, flinging him back to the ground. The boy sprawled onto his hands and knees.
“You stupid bitch-” Richard spat, kicking him onto his side.
“Don’t-” gasped out the slave, and Richard’s vision went red.
“What did I say about telling me what to do?!”
He brought down the steel rod, over and over, and the crying and shouting was nearly background noise to the buzz of anger in his ears.
Until he heard a sickening crunch.
The boy wailed, clutching his leg.
“You broke it!” he screamed. “My leg! You- you broke it-”
Richard felt nauseous. The limb was streaming blood, and it looked so wrong. A bone shard peeked out of the skin, and his stomach twisted.
The slave began to weep, and it was too much.
He turned, slamming the door locked behind him.
Richard leaned against the stone door, scrubbing his face. Gods, that was gross. He tasted bile and it was all that damn slave’s fault.
He flung the metal down the hall. Ew. Even his hands had blood on them.
Richard went to wash up, and a cleaning bucket near the sink gave him an idea.
___________________
He sobbed through the pain. It was one of the worst things he’d ever felt, and with a broken leg-
Master wasn’t going to let him go.
His brain stuttered. He was going to stay here forever.
Everything went fuzzy. The pain felt far away, and he couldn’t breathe-
The door slammed open again and it all rushed back to him.
No- No more-
Master lugged a bucket inside, water sloshing at its sides. He dropped the bucket, and drops splashed out.
[REDACTED] braced himself.
Master grabbed his hair and began to drag him towards the water.
[REDACTED] screamed, shards of agony shooting up his useless leg as it scraped against the stone.
“Shut up,” Master hissed. Then his face twisted into a smile. “Take a deep breath,” he advised.
And then he plunged [REDACTED]’s head into the water.
It was freezing. [REDACTED] held his breath, twisting and fighting the grip. But Master didn’t let up-
He was almost out of air when Master pulled him out. He sucked in a breath, and he was back under.
And again, and again-
[REDACTED] scrabbled at Master’s hands, desperate for air. Master kicked his broken leg, and bubbles flew as he screamed into the water.
He choked and breathed in water and then-
Master yanked him out, letting him fall to the floor. [REDACTED] coughed up water, his lungs stinging and burning.
“I’m sorry-” he begged. “Please, Master, I’m so sorry-”
“Quiet.”
[REDACTED]’s jaw snapped shut. He trembled and shivered, which only made his leg worse.
Master stood looking at him. Then he turned and left, the door locking behind him.
[REDACTED] fully collapsed on the stone and just… breathed.
It was all he could do. He was thirsty and starving and dirty, but getting to the water in the bucket felt impossible.
It all felt impossible.
It was impossible.
[REDACTED] breathed out, closed his eyes and tried not to cry even more.
Why why why-
There was only one answer. Only one thing made sense.
I deserve this.
taglist: @cupcakes-and-pain @secretwhumplair @paintedpigeon1 @whump-blog @whump-em
@thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @starfields08000 @littlespacecastle @mylovelyme @whump-cravings
@zeewbee @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @fanastyfinder @roblingoblin285 @whumpzone
@snakebites-and-ink @astrokea @latenightcupsofcoffee @tobiaslut @whumpsoda
@loserwithsyle @bitchaknso @cepheusgalaxy @taterswhump @fleur-a-whump
@hellodecisionparalysis @otterfrost @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @risk606 @i-walk-on-the-dark-side
@phoenixpromptsandstuff @haipasa
#Conditioning pt. 2#call this beauty 'accepting your fate'#my writing#whump#slavery whump#ambrose and elliot
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just found ur blog and im kind of obsessed. especially with machete,, i relate to him so much. i know youve said he has anemia, does he have chronic pain? because i would love to project my own onto him. he is so!!!!
Thank you! I'm glad you like him!
I think a lot of the time he's in varying levels of vaguely uncomfortable. He gets headaches and migraines, often from some extremely fixable bad habits like not resting or eating enough, and from stress and work related neck and shoulder tension. His eyes are very sensitive to bright lights and he doesn't see that well, so he ends up squinting more than he should, which leads to chronic eyestrain and more headaches.
#some days you just ache all over for no reason#stress mental health issues and physical exhaustion all lower your pain threshold and tolerance#so there doesn't really need to be anything seriously wrong with you health-wise if you're oversensitized enough#the pain is very real but there's no good reason for it#answered#justagaygoosehoard#he has good days and good periods but he's never in peak condition for long#and he's mostly accepted that as a fact he has to live with
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adaine's family relationships are something i can actually be so incredibly normal about too btw
#like. a little bit later adaine's father gives her a useless orb for spell casting#and she points out it's not practical and he says 'i try my best with you! i really do!'#like. it's about parents who fundamentally don't understand you#it's about parents who have such a narrow and rigid idea of what's acceptable that when you start to find yourself outside of it#they can't even recognize you.#it's about watching your sister (aelwyn) seamlessly meet the conditions that are required to achieve your parents' love#and then not even being able to comprehend how to do that for yourself#it's about asking questions and being met with hostility for challenging the status quo#it's about experiencing unfairness and asking why and your parents' unflinching answer being:#because i'm your parent and i decide when things are fair#and i dont HAVE to figure out why i act this way much less make the adjustment to make it fair#anyway :))))))#fh#fantasy high#adaine abernant
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just as people have done entirely too much in the opposite direction by trying to rehabilitate john as Not Abusive, Actually (entirely as pushback to trashy whumpfic which wouldn't have good characterisation as a priority anyway), this is true also for John Winchester Understanding LGBT Ally takes. yes he wouldn't be throwing around slurs 24/7 like an over the top cartoon homophobe. no i dont think he'd magically transcend the social context of his time and hold zero prejudiced views around queerness, particularly gender nonconformity.
#sorry i dont think midwestern guy born in the 50s who volunteered for 'nam is going to be super woke.#<- and its ridiculous that if you say this youre accused of fucking. MIDWESTPHOBIA.#like. ultimately i mostly just dont think its something thats on his mind in any major way what with his demon hunt revenge plot! but yeah.#the most straightforwardly accepting i can see him being is maybe telling sam and dean (if they ask) not to bother those people#theyve got enough to deal with. but nothing outright POSITIVE.#i'll grant that he'll respect queer men if they are very gender conforming in their masculinity. thats pretty conditional though lol.#“but u ship him with his sonwife” if you knew anything about incestuous csa dynamics you wld realise this doesnt contradict any of that 👍#dean is 'allowed' a degree of femininity but only in very specific contexts and only in so far as it serves john in some way#fully agree that characterisations of dean where he's just soooooo terrified of john finding out he fucks men are very stupid!#but i can think that without making the silliness be abt john not being homophobic. john knows and he takes advantage of it when he pleases#.txt
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So I'm building a PC for the first time and I managed to update the BIOS but the Windows boot won't show up!!
#accept your programming slave#my posts#oh well i'll try again tomorrow#but now some conditioning for me 😋
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im sorry abt this morning ☹️


You sure like stealing all my aura dont you💔
#⋆. 𐙚 ˚ 🐉 Monty !#📡 — live coverage#aura doesnt even know who i am anymore#ill accept your apology#under one configuration#what#i meant to say confistjon#CONDITION*#ill accept your apology under one condition…#that condition is….#im thinking about it actually please hold#but in the meantime its okay montu dearest#watch out tho#or not#jk ily
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Always lovely to go see the sister 🙄
Apparently she’s been telling her arthritis patients that they just need to “move more”, not get joint braces or splints or anything to provide actual support
I just hope they all have the sense to listen to their rheumatologists and actual specialists, not a massage therapist with delusions of grandeur
#she’s also literally incapable of accepting she’s wrong#so when i told her my rheumatologist who has actually gone to medical school specifically for these conditions said she’s full of shit#she tried ‘oh well he only knows your specific case’#like no bitch pretty sure he knows all the many and varied forms of arthritis given that that is literally his job#she also won’t listen to me about getting a mat for her massage table tho so she’s gonna have joint problems of her own soon enough#at which point she will assuredly pretend to have personally discovered braces and splints#into the sun
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FUCK RECENT BOOK JUST ENDED?!?!???!!
#i have been away too long. WEIRD ass position to be in.#constantly obsessing over my interest but getting scared to interact w it outside of the mind palace#gguuuhhh..... the... ISSUES....... why do i have so many of them...#I NEVER EVEN FULLY FINISHED SEIDER'S BOOK. i was scared of disappointment and scared of an ending#ugh .. but i am... so invested in ratatoskr... alfonse's insane dynamic w her. even if we don't see more of it#like. just the fact that we got That Scene. gave me enough of alfonse's character to work w for A LIFE TIME.#like to me. it can DIRECTLY translate to how he theoretically has been w sharena growing up.#and it still drives me so insane that alfonse has no personal attachment to ratatoskr and is (EVEN SELF ADMITTED!)#using her to his own ends. BUT. BUT. he's still so fucking good to her??? respecting her autonomy#again even if that WAS to win her over. like he was So good about it. IDK IDK IT'S THAT MIXTURE#of an act being purely practical and even self-serving. but he's honest and kind about it.#and ultimately it's on her if she wants to accept that under the given conditions/expectations.#and then ofc the Scheming. alfonse's METICULOUS ride or die act. ratatoskr made the informed choice to trust him#AND BOY HOWDY. WHAT THE FUCK. SIR. i KNOW you have your reasons and all of this is a means to an end#AND THAT'S WHAT DRIVES ME EVEN MORE INSANE. give him a compelling enough reason not just personal practical too#and even if he met you like yesterday. or maybe generously. maybe a week has passed.#this guy is both READY and WILLING. to put his life on the line for you. GOD.#uhghhhh... maybe i should actually play feh.........
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there was a buffalo that was about to die soon but we were not allowed to tell it to the owner
#and the owner was a farmer whose livelihood depends on the animal#he was so sweet#when you meet with people from village who've travelled long enough for their animals just to get treated#you can see the hope in their wet eyes#this buffalo alone must've cost 1.5 lakh#and the economic gain from is milk is far beyond to sustain livelihood of farmers and their families#but they don't accept that their everything won't survive anymore#and we saw those poor animals#bitch with a tumor she kept whimpering#and a chihuahua who was so weak and helpless we couldn't even collect enough blood for cbc#ive been to clinic few times before this but none of the cases were this bad#also there was this rich lady with her toy breed dog who barely didn't eat for like two days and she got done all the scans and tests done#in moments like this it truly hits the condition of farmers in our country#fucking pathetic#i know its so much easier to open a clinic in metro city for dogs and cats where pets from rich families would come and youncan just do your#little oohs and awws#and no one wants to touch a cow or buffalo or goat because they don't fit in your cute aesthetic animals of what makes you a vet#but i keep thinking about the eyes of those owners as well as their livestock
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find yourself an AnWL bachelor who barks but only in conditions that contradict each other which means his barking dialogue will never actually show up in th
#this is my girlfriend. yes he barks at people#it finally clicked looking at the inn residents’ dialogue about rock that they view him more like a family pet than a family member#obsessed with how much dialogue is written for scenarios that Can Not Happen#example: everyone has personalized dialogue telling you how a dish/herb/fish/dairy product was even gifts they don’t accept#with this specific dialogue#the conditions are that you show him your dog and you’re not married to him#but his pathing will literally never take him within the bounds of your farm unless you’re married to him#and you can’t take your dog outside your farm#if his schedule changes later with the other dudes lmk but i’ve never seen this happen#marvelous pwease release my very well behaved dogboy. he will NOT cause havoc#hm anwl#harvest moon another wonderful life#my art#?#it’s a quickie scribble so not really#where’s his leash? oh don’t worry he’s very friendly (he is a complete menace)
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tumblr be fucking normal about trans men that want to/go stealth challenge (failed miserably)
#if your love for trans men is conditional to him “accepting his feminine side” i fear you are no different from any other conservative#mine#not to be taken seriously#personal#vent
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I know there were a lot of complaints when season 4 was airing, and I know it wasn't perfect. But so much of it resonated - including Kara's experience of conditional, passing acceptance.
#the sheer fury of realizing that instead of them acknowledging the humanity of your family#that you're just uniquely “worthy” of conditional acceptance... as long as you fall into line#mel stuff
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