thethirdtreeofvalinor

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

“he looks more like a grocer than a burglar” and yet you’re still eating the fucking food

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

uruk-hai one: i voted for meat back on the menu

uruk-hai two: well now there’s only two genders

uruk-hai three: i was born from mud

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Don’t know what part of “If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world” Elon Musk didn’t understand

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

This is the intelligent AI of the future??

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if only the orcs that killed boromir had that good of an aim

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i wasn’t in an area where any news could reach me, and when i was, my sister did inform me immediately that Age Backwards unfortunately died

do any of you understand what it’s like being a huge tolkien nerd in a family of people who can barely make it through the lotr movies?

here’s some examples:

my sister, to this day, has no idea what theoden’s name is. what she does know is that he was old and now he’s young, so what do we call him? you guessed it: Age Backwards

continuing that family line, does she know eowyn’s name? of course not! our resident nazgûl killer is known as: Age Backwards’ Niece

you might be sending a trend here, right? it’s only obvious that eomer would be named Age Backwards’ Nephew, right? WRONG!! He is permanently known as: Age Backwards’ Niece’s Brother

two weeks ago, my mother and my sister both confessed to me that they thought saruman and sauron were the same person

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

Bofur: You’re part of the company. You’re one of us.

Bilbo: But I’m not though, am I? Thorin said I should never have come and he was right. I’m not a Took, I’m a Baggins. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door.

Bofur: You’re homesick. I understand.

Bilbo: NO YOU DONT. You don’t understand! None of you do. You’re dwarves.

Bofur: …Not sure what our race has to do with it??

Bilbo: You’re used to this life, to living in the road.

Bofur: I mean, we are familiar with long travels and the twisted roads of Middle E—

Bilbo: Never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere.

Bofur:

Bofur: And if i push you off this mountain, I’m wrong?

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fëanor gesturing to maedhros: this is my first baby. isn’t he just adorable? ☺️

maedhros, full grown kinslayer, heir to the King of the Noldor, traumatized and scarred from the confinement to the oath and the quest for the silmaril, is older than his uncle: i’m his baby

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

POV: You, a figurehead of a nation, have travelled to another land for a meeting as a messenger of your nation’s status of the captivity of a prisoner you were entrusted with. You were relatively calm before your presentation, your speech practiced, and your spirit as light as your feet on the ground. However, before you conceived to give your testimony, a friend of yours (who had diplomatic immunity in the land) drew all the attention in the meeting to himself. He regaled his hardships with traveling as a man set to govern one day. He spoke of the nearly two decades he had spent tracking your prisoner, a War Criminal in many of the other representative’s territories, at the behest of the wisest in your vicinity, a martyr of your generation. You learn of the struggle to capture the murderer that constantly evaded him. A priceless heirloom is brought up in the conversation, as how could it not be? It was the cause of the very meeting. Several nations were called upon to contemplate its destruction as none could escape its manipulation, its corruption greater than that of money could ever tempt. And it was your convict that held possession of it before his imprisonment. Your friends admits that he is glad that the fiend is in chains, not hounding after the nephew of a treasured comrade of a sovereign kingdom, a friend of its King before his untimely death in battle. You shake in your seat unnoticed as you begin to realize that maybe the daily walks for your detainee through the forest should not have existed. You are next to speak. Your tongue feels heavy. You are shitting your pants. You are Legolas Greenleaf, Crown Prince of Mirkwood.

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

thorin: i’m embarking on an arduous journey to recover my lost kingdom from a beast of fire and death. it is likely that none of us will return from this and the throne of erebor will be lost to myths and legends, a fairytale told to children of future generations

bilbo: i’m on an adventure 😊 i’m questing 😊

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

thorin to the company: which one of you dwarves, who i call kin, stole my fucking arkenstone?

thorin to his burglar for hire of a different race he’s known for a year that he’s distrusted for half the journey, in the same breath: it’s you and me against the world