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[thislifeontheroad]

@jenash1045 @so-she-became-one @sophiemerkens @sandscollections @sharisloane @ptazalla @jpazar103 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[thislifeontheroad]

@jenash1045 @so-she-became-one @sophiemerkens @sandscollections @sharisloane @ptazalla @jpazar103 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[thislifeontheroad]

@jenash1045 @so-she-became-one @sophiemerkens @sandscollections @sharisloane @ptazalla @jpazar103 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[thislifeontheroad]

A non-religious view of “What Would Jesus Do?”

I grew up in the church, but I haven’t considered myself religious for a long time. The idea that we have to search for answers in something outside of ourselves no longer resonates with me, as I believe we are all divine beings and we all have access to universal consciousness, what the Church calls God. 

That said, in the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot more about Jesus, as he actually was, not as the church has made him out to be. 

I’ve been meditating for an hour in the morning almost daily. It’s a welcome escape from the world events that seem like they’re constricting around us. For a brief period of my day, I am able to experience a peace that otherwise eludes me. 

Lately during these meditations, Jesus pops up. At first, I tried to ignore it, clinging to my non-religious ideals and not wanting to “fall into that trap.” But he just kept coming up and so finally, I surrendered and turned toward it, curious where it might lead me.

When I let the energy in, I felt an overwhelming sense of compassion that overtook my entire being. Compassion for myself, which was a welcome relief from my constant self-judgement and attempts at self-betterment. But also, I saw compassion for the world and all it’s creatures in a way that I am not normally able to access in regular life. I was guided to see how every one of us are victims to our patriarchal society, even those of us who profit from it. I could see how this patriarchal culture teaches men not to be weak or feel their feelings, leading to repression that rears it’s head in all the violent, oppressive and otherwise ugly ways we’ve been seeing for centuries. I experienced a rare compassion for the oppressors of our world, knowing that they perpetuate a society because in the absence of true peace and self love/acceptance, they assume that power is the only way to feel good about themselves. When I thought of the oppressors of our current world, I was guided to see them as children - children who were, at best, victims of misinformation and misunderstanding from the adults in their own lives, and at worst, victims of trauma, abuse, neglect and extreme suppression of their own life force. 

Jesus is known for accepting and loving ALL. It’s too bad many of his modern day followers don’t live by that code, but obviously there is a lot more at play with organized religion. With Jesus, it was simple. Love all, even if they hate you, hell, even if they KILL you! Give freely to all, even if they steal from you. Treat all as equals, even if they’re different from you. 

This may seem oversimplified in our current climate, and I know it’s hard to have any compassion for certain groups. Obviously, it doesn’t take the place of action and activism, but it can guide the way we interact, the way we listen, and the way we understand. We can at least aim to see the humanity in another even if we disagree with them. We can at least ask ourselves what Jesus would do. 

My partner Scott said something to me the other day, that it seems like we are all just yelling louder and louder at each other, hoping that by raising the volume we will finally be heard, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I myself am very resistant to listening to or understanding anyone who doesn’t believe in equality and justice for all people, which is truly something I believe Jesus would be fighting for if he was here now. I don’t always listen with compassion or try to understand. I’m not Jesus. But at my best, I can at least hold compassion in my heart for the oppressors. It doesn’t excuse them from bad behavior, nor does it enable it to continue. But it makes ME feel more at peace, more empowered, more joyful and more full of love. It heals ME, not them. 

I’ve been overwhelmed with anxiety the last few days over the state of our world, and only compassion has helped me feel okay and believe that there is hope. I hope this finds those who need to hear it, and that it gives you some peace and empowerment too. 

[thislifeontheroad]

Bedrock, Colorado

I had sort of stopped believing in the magic of the universe.

Years of pursuing a “spiritual path” seem to disappear down the drain in an instant when anxiety rears it’s ugly head. Anxiety is a curse I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy, and it really chooses the worst times to pop up. I don’t know what made it resurface a few weeks ago, when we returned to Portland from the first leg of our 4-month US Tour, but I’m guessing it had to do with months of intense travel, and the pressure (and cost) of finishing an album in one short week. Then, days later, having my laptop and a number of other things stolen from my vehicle during a gig and realizing that insurance wasn’t going to do a damn thing to help - a real bitch of a cherry on top. Needless to say I kind of lost my shit!

When the darkness descends it convinces you things are hopeless, and if you’ve ever had anxiety you know that you certainly can’t think or meditate your way out of it. Mine sends me into a negative spiral where I really start to believe the universe is targeting me on purpose and serving me up a shit sandwich that I came to deserve somehow. Anxiety coupled with “everything happens for a reason” really gets me thinking that I’m being punished and that is a damn scary place to be.

Scott and I are opposites. I usually feel like a rider on the roller coaster of life. I feel the ups and downs deeply and often. Scott is the one watching from down below, feet firmly planted on the ground, seeing the big picture and not feeling the g forces at every turn. When everything felt like it was crashing down around me, he urged me to think positively and not to judge my experiences as “negative”, just to watch them evolve and see what comes next. He drove me crazy.

But, he was right and slowly I started finding ways to be grateful. Gratitude is the simplest practice and the easiest one to forget. But once I started looking for things to be grateful for, something shifted. I was able to ask friends and family for the help we needed after the break in, and really receive that help with a full heart. I was able to appreciate the turn of events and see the bigger picture.

When we got back on the road, I was in a much better place than I’d been before, but I got hit with a nasty cold almost immediately after we left Portland and it really put me down. On day 2 of the tour in Moab, Utah, I woke in the middle of the night to a general feeling of panic, paranoia and despair. It took me hours to fall back asleep as my mind raced around and tried to convince me that everything was terrible. So I did something I haven’t done in ages, and I prayed. Or more so, begged the universe to show me its support. If a source energy did in fact indeed exist, I wanted a reason to believe in it again, really believe.

It wasn’t the worst moment of my life, but it did feel like an existential dark night of the soul and what happened next changed everything.

The next morning, I woke up to the sun over the red cliffs of Moab, and I spent a few quiet moments in meditation before we got on the road to Ridgeway, Colorado for our next round of shows. The drive between Moab and Ridgway was the most beautiful drive I’ve been on, possibly ever. We drove by Arches National Park and through a remote area of the Rocky Mountains, and saw no civilization for miles. I felt awestruck and deeply peaceful.

We hadn’t eaten breakfast and I’m not kidding when I say there was very little civilization. Even if we passed a town, it never had a store or a gas station and I began to wonder how people got what they needed so far out like that.

Finally, in Bedrock, Colorado, we passed an 1800s old west looking general store advertising gas. The sign read “The Historic Bedrock Store: Serving Outlaws Since 1881”. I asked Scott if we should stop, and as we look over, the two men sitting on the porch give us a friendly wave. That decided it, and I pulled over.

Walking through the door felt like stepping back in time. The stores owner greeted us and we got to talking about how we came to be there. Exploring the little store, my eye was drawn to the jewelry case, where on display were the most beautiful assortment of Merkaba and flower of life pendants. One in particular felt like it was calling to me, but I’ve been trying to reduce my impulse spending so I decided against it.

Then, the owner began talking about how he ended up in Bedrock, Colorado. He’d been a steel worker in Brooklyn, New York all his life. He met the love of his life at 15, and despite the fact that they weren’t together most of his adult life, he knew he’d end up with her one day, and had a vision of them retiring to a farm in the middle of nowhere.

“You can manifest anything you want in life,” he said. “Keep your vision in your third eye, keep your pineal gland clear, and anything you envision will come into being. That’s how the world works.”

Was not expecting to hear that wisdom in that moment, in that place, from that messenger but I heard the message loud and clear. All that I’d been doubting was reinforced by a simple conversation with a stranger. In that moment, I knew I had to buy the Merkaba necklace.

We exchanged information with the man and got back on the road toward Ridgway. As we drove through the beautiful terrain my eyes filled with tears at the wonderful, magical synchronicity of it all. I’d asked for a miracle, for guidance, and it had been delivered in a most unexpected and beautiful way.

In the days following, the magic has only seemed to grow, as if I’d derailed myself with anxiety and was now back on track with the flow of life. We’ve had the best few shows here in Colorado, and I feel a renewed sense of purpose and peaceful confidence in music that I haven’t felt in a while. After doing a little bit of research into the Merkaba, I am more convinced than ever that that little piece of jewelry chose me at the exact perfect time, and was the very thing I’d prayed to find the night before.

It feels good, really good, to believe again.

[thislifeontheroad]

On the election...

This used to be my travel blog, but I needed somewhere to express myself without bombarding everyone with every thought I’ve ever had on Facebook. I have so much rattling in my brain all the time. Maybe some of it will be helpful. Maybe no one will read this. I’m ok with either outcome. 

It’s so easy, especially for me, to be seduced by the drama, to get caught up in a passionate movement and be whisked away by the sensantionalism of it all. This week, I totally did that. Nothing wrong with that, it was actually kind of exhilarating in the moment, but I really want to start choosing a different path. What I truly want, deep down, is to go automatically into contemplation and meditation rather than reaction. Think before I speak or act. Reacting creates a never ending cycle, it creates karma. It can induce poor decision making. Our entire society seems to be built off of reacting. I’m also wanting to do more critical thinking for myself. I tend to take the opinions of people I like, trust, or look up to as gold, and accept it as my own truth. I think I’ve spent lifetimes being immersed in the beliefs of others. It’s time for me to figure out what I actually believe. 

I’m sure that will change as I go deeper and continue to grow, but right now, if I listen to my heart, it tells me to have love for all, and have faith in the universe. It tells me that the greater plan is playing out perfectly, that awakening is happening, that all is well. It tells me not to get caught up in the us vs. them, wrong vs. right mentality, as it is a distraction from the problem, not the problem itself. In fact, I’m feeling as though I shouldn’t be putting my attention on these election results at all.

 Before Trump was elected, where was I? I was methodically working towards going inward, figuring out who I am and what I want to put out into the world. How I want to live my life, what mark I want to make before I go back home to a place where only love exists. In the last week, between watching 13th, listening to some eye opening podcasts on racism, islamophobia and rape/womens issues, and watching Trump get elected and the corresponding meltdown, I’ve felt the weight of the world all around me. I could beat myself up, and everyone else, for letting things in our country get this bad. I am as much a part of the problem as I want to be a part the solution. I’m part of the problem in so many ways. I’m not going to shame myself for it, make myself wrong. Because I’ve never felt so confident, with so much purpose, than I do now. 

I’ve actually been struggling with a little bit of apathy and self-doubt lately. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled, was having trouble creating, was having trouble feeling optimistic about my life and confident in myself. As I’ve started educating myself on these issues, as well as doing a lot of self-love based inner work, I feel totally different this week. A fire has been lit under my ass. I feel like myself again. No, better. I feel I’m now shedding some of the pieces that have held me back for so long. The little girl who was scared to speak up for herself, the one who would rather die than not fit in. She’s morphing every day into the person I want to become, the person I AM becoming. I’m ready to show up in my own life, in my relationships, and in the world in a way I never have before. I’ll still feel like I suck sometimes, but I’ve developed better methods of coping with those feelings, and I hope I’ll be able to bounce back quicker each time.

 So, I offered up a prayer this morning, to my guides, angels, to the universe, asking for guidance. Asking to be guided towards vibrational alignment, asking to be used as a vessel for the change we need to see happen. I have always struggled to trust the universe and my own instincts and just let my life flow. But something clicked today, and I feel it now. Every instinct I have just tells me to trust. Trust that there is a bigger plan in motion that is playing out perfectly. Allow myself to be used for the advancement of that plan. And most importantly, right now especially, not JUDGE other vessels of that plan, and decide whether what they are doing is right or wrong. 

In my personal HUMAN opinion, Trump SUCKS!! Like, no duh! BUT, today, I felt compassion for him. I have no idea the circumstances that made him the way he is, no idea the inner battle he might have raging in his mind, no idea the fear, sadness, despair, or numbness, he might be experiencing. It’s not even my place to judge him as being damaged. Maybe he doesn't have any of those problems, and is just simply a product of our patriarchal society. I don’t know the guy, I don’t know his story, his childhood, his parents, his past lives, his purpose here on this Earth. The point is, he has all of those things, just like us. He’s not just a caricature on a TV screen (and shit, isn’t it easier to judge someone when we don’t see them as human?). Today, I felt actual love for Trump, and I asked his angels to guide him to be the vessel he needs to be. Stay with me here....

What we need to realize, is that you don’t have to be a “good person” (cause that’s just another human judgment really) to be a catalyst for positive change. We are so quick to jump into duality, good and bad, right and wrong, but don’t you see that that’s the issue? Anytime you make someone wrong, bad, evil, whatever, you separate yourself from them. Your ego takes over. Us vs. them has caused all of the issues we face today – black vs. white, rich vs. poor, religious wars. We look at people commiting heinous crimes against humanity and are ready to make them wrong for it, to punish them somehow. It feeds our ego, makes ourselves feel good, makes us RIGHT. But that shit is fleeting and you god damn know it! 

I believe what we should be focused on is rehabilitation. On banding together so we can all rise! In certain African tribes, someone who committed a crime wouldn’t be punished, instead they would be the centerpiece of a three day ceremony where they were showered with love, as they viewed acting out as a need for love. And ain’t that the fucking truth. We should be embracing those who are acting out of fear and hate, and try to find ways to them back to love if we can (knowing full well we can’t change someone else’s experience). But hey,  that includes OURSELVES! How we treat others is generally a reflection of how we treat ourselves in our own minds! We are judgmental DICKS to ourselves, you know it and I know it. Are you feeling fear and hate brewing in you as a result of this election? Don’t blame the government, or Trumpy-Trump, tend to that beautiful, vulnerable, afraid part within you! Give yourself love, tell yourself you will be ok, that it’s ok to cry and that you are unbreakable. Because you are if you just allow yourself to be whole - the light and the darkness loved and cared for equally.

 If we can all start to turn inward, real change can start to take place. We can start to recognize, without judgment, how we are part of the problem. We can start consciously making different choices for ourselves. We will never change someone else’s beliefs, nor should we – even if you do make someone believe what you believe, they are now tied to you, easier to manipulate. You don’t want someone to follow you blindly, nor is it a good idea to follow anyone else blindly. Change begins in the individual. In recognizing our patterns, how we’ve been destructive to ourselves, how we’ve separated ourselves from love, we can find healing, and until that healing is sought, we won’t be able to catalyze change in this world. The alignment of the world starts with alignment in ourselves. And all that said, I say none of this to “teach you something”. I’m a 28-year old sometimes narcissistic sometimes self-loading almost always selfish and yet perfectly imperfect soul that is still figuring things out every day. I’m no expert and even if I was I still wouldn't want you to do anything only on account of something I said. It has to resonate with you. This writing is honestly actually for me, to help me understand and put words to what I now believe. Who knows if any of this is right, but it feels good at the core of me. You have to get there on your own, do your own inner work (which is never ending by the way, I’ve been doing this shit for 10+ years and I’m still a mess at least 60% of the time) and you may come to a different conclusion. I accept that, and applaud you for being an individual. But it starts with taking blame away from others, from the government, from society and looking inward without judgment to see how we’ve contributed to all of the above.

 I deleted Facebook off of my phone. That was step one. One thing I’ve learned about myself lately is my tendency to flock towards and perpetuate drama. I’m aware of my inner need to be seen, heard, appreciated, respected, loved. I fall in to that trap all of the time, striving for those things, only to realize it’s fleeting unless it comes initially from within. My goal now is to step back from the politics, from the activism, and turn back inward. Meditate instead of reacting to information immediately. Ground back into my core. Find joy and bliss where I can, find peace when I can’t. I’m not ready to make any major steps towards activism because I don’t honestly know what those are right at this moment. But I trust all will be revealed to me, and in the meantime, I’m focused on cleaning up my inner landscape, clearing what no longer serves me, prepping my vessel for it’s mission, and acting with courage, kindness and love, whatever that looks like in the moment.

Yours in learning, but still being a dumb idiot,

Sarah

[thislifeontheroad]

Choosing happiness

We've all had those days where it seems everything is going wrong. Sometimes those days turn to weeks, even months. Life has been pretty good for me in most respects, but man, when it comes to my car, I can't seem to catch a break. I won't get into every little thing that has happened, but the major piece is I got in an accident a few weeks back, and the process of getting it fixed has already been extremely stressful. Something I thought would be an easy drop off has turned into a half day ordeal. Needless to say, my stress and frustration levels were through the roof about an hour ago. I got to thinking why this is all affecting me so much, and it all comes back to fear, every time. Today it's fear that I won't have time to get everything done I wanted to do today. Then there's the fear about the cost of all these repairs, and it just spirals from there. I wanted to be rude to everyone who gave me more bad news and I was allowing myself to be stuck in negativity. But here's where it turns around. I remembered that life is nothing but a game, and we get to choose how we want to play it every moment, without attachment to what happens to us. I can play the game by being negative and drowning in self pity, therefore attracting more negativity to me. Or, I can choose to not attach "good" or "bad" labels to the things that happen to me and approach each with a grateful, loving attitude and full trust in the universe to work things out. Sometimes it's hard to make this shift, but looking at life as a game to be played, one that isn't so serious, shifts my whole perception. On top of that, I'm super competitive, so when I view life as a game, I ask myself if I'm winning it or losing it, and act in a way that steers me towards winning. It's definitely a different way to view things but man it has turned my day around and I hope it can help you all as well! Keep the faith and stay positive, life is just a game. Are you winning?

[thislifeontheroad]

My Michael Jordan moment

It's no secret that Michael Jordan has a crazy success story. He didn't make his high school basketball team, yet went on to be, well, Michael Jordan. Today I auditioned for American idol. I wasn't going to air that, but I decided I have no shame about it. I felt like I killed the audition, but I was told while I have a beautifully unique voice, it's not technically trained enough for the show. Never mind that I've had years of voice lessons, but that's neither here nor there. I didn't have the commercial sound they were looking for. First of all, that's a pretty amazing way to be rejected, because it confirmed something I already knew, my path won't be a traditional one. I'm blazing my own trail, I have a vocal style that has yet to be compared to anything already in existence. I want to be the first Sarah Vitort, not the gazillionth American Idol with a flop career. This was my first big rejection, and I'm grateful for it. It means I have a lot of work to do, but that I'm on the right path. Success stories aren't made from pure raw talent. That helps, but it's so much more about hard work and passionate energy, and a clear vision like I outlined in my last post. I won't give up on this dream that easily, though I would have a few years ago in the same circumstance. I won't give up on this dream at all. I have work to do on this earth and I know it starts with my music. And I don't want to follow the path that already exists because it doesn't feel like it works all that well. I don't know that I want my success defined by a reality show that isn't even that real. Not to dog on AI or the people that make it far in that show. It's great entertainment and the contestants are truly out of this world talented. That's just not me. I don't sound like Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey and that's fine with me. That's the type of voice that show is designed for. But mine is unique, like they said, and I'm planning on using that to my advantage. So I didn't nail my first audition. And I'll probably "fail" again, and then again. But it's not really failure unless you give up, and there will be no giving up from me. This is more than a vain dream of fame for me, this is my purpose and passion incarnated, and I can not fail.

[thislifeontheroad]

Vision

So many people don't know what it means to follow their dreams anymore. If I'm being totally honest with you, I didn't know what it meant compared to what I know today. I've had ideas of what to do with my life multiple times over the course of my lifetime, but none ever felt like the kind of dream you drop everything for and stick to no matter what. I thought that meant I lacked willpower or the ability to follow through. On only rare occasions did I finish what I started. But the only thing I was missing was my vision. Turns out, once I had a clear vision, my path has changed in ways I couldn't have fathomed even a year ago. The girl who "had no willpower" is giving up her once precious social life, a stable big girl job, even traveling aspirations to pursue the dream of becoming a famous musician. For the first time in my life, my purpose feels so clear and my direction feels so right that giving up is no longer even part of my vocabulary. What I'm learning about vision, too, is this: most people probably won't see it. At the moment, it's a figment of my imagination. After all, it is my vision, not anyone else's. In the short couple months I've been throwing everything I have into this dream, I have been told countless horror stories about the music industry and all sorts of discouraging tidbits about how hard it is and how talent is a dime a dozen in places like Nashville and LA. They speak from their experience, or stories they've heard. BUT THATS NOT MY STORY. It's completely irrelevant to me actually because I'm a unique person with a life path that can only be lived by me. Those stories won't become mine unless I believe they will. That's what vision is all about, seeing something that doesn't exist now and making it a reality through co-creation with God/the universe. It's seeing something clearly even when no one else does, especially when no one else does. My end game is clear as day in my mind. I don't have a single doubt that I'll get exactly what I want, and probably more that I couldn't even dream of now. So what is my vision, now that I've got you all hyped up? It's not just about becoming rich and famous, although I do want those things very much and are the gateway to the rest of my vision. It's also not a generic "make the world a better place" vision, not that that's bad it's just too general and means nothing in and of itself. I want my music career to be a springboard for bringing more empowerment and spirituality into the world. I want to produce music that has the right energy, that uplifts and inspires, that makes people more comfortable with exploring their own passions. I want to set an example for the law of attraction and inspired, intentioned living, to prove that you can have anything you want if you want it enough and you learn to co create with God. I want to speak, write books, lead retreats teaching people to live better by reaching for their own dreams. I'm prepared for the backlash this dream will surely drum up. That spirituality doesn't belong in the secular world of music, that making it without selling your soul is impossible, that a famous singer can't be a motivational speaker too. Or even just "it sounds nice but do you really think it's going to happen? It's kind of idealistic." Yes, haters, I really do believe it, and I love you more for challenging me on it because it'll help me prove to myself over and over that I will never waver or doubt. This life is mine for the taking and I'm grabbing it by the horns. Bring. It. On. If you have a vision, let this be an inspiration. Get specific about what you want and don't worry too much about the how, what seems impossible to the human eye is child's play in God's. Believe that the universe is pulling the right strings to bring things your way, cause with faith, that's exactly what's happening. Never give up, never relent. Our time is now.

[thislifeontheroad]

So I guess this means it's over...

After almost 7 and a half months of traveling, I am home. I was told countless times before I left that this experience would be the most transformative of my life to date. That prediction couldn't have proved more true. I arrived in Peru, both excited and terrified, alone, and a bit homesick. Arriving in Colombia, I was partied out and exhausted. When I got to the boat, I was over backpacking, though I missed my friends in Colombia, but not ready for my trip to end. As I look back on it, this journey has been my own version of "Eat Pray Love." Say what you will about the book, it did mesh spirituality and traveling in a way that hadn't been done before and got a lot of people looking at their lives with different eyes. Although my version would probably be called "Party Pray Love," but the idea is the same. In Peru, I was on the pursuit of pleasure. I partied, boy did I party. I bartended and flirted my way through that country if we are being honest. I indulged in food I wasn't supposed to eat, drank wayy to many Loki slushies and Pisco sours and got plenty of experience dancing on the bar. Sure I did a lot of traveling around, hiking and sight seeing too, but when I think of Peru I mostly look at it as my party phase, I was just trying to have fun, as Liz was searching for sensory pleasures in Italy in the book. I went to Colombia initially to do a month long intensive yoga program, becoming the "Pray" portion of the trip. Yoga school was just as they described it, intense. I went through some rough but extremely healing realizations and experiences there, and ultimately came out of the month a completely different person. Each person I met there became an integral part of my spiritual journey. After yoga school, I got to visit some beautiful remote areas like Minca and Palomino coupled with good company and deep conversations, a chance to share some of what I'd learned at yoga school. My Colombian experience ended in Salento, where I made amazing friends, lots of music, and participated in an Ayuhuasca ceremony that was almost as life altering as an entire month of yoga. Leaving Colombia, I was most definitely changed in a very spiritual way. Just as Liz combined the spiritual and human aspects of her trip in Bali, I found the best of both worlds in the Bahamas. The shortest leg of the trip proved to be extremely transformative. I was met with a community of people, both locals and other cruisers, who live their lives in an entirely different way than I'd ever seen. Everyone was full of love, willing to help out fellow boaters, and breaking the mold of the 9-5 "real world" lifestyle that I found so confining. In 6 short weeks I made some incredible connections, and I fell deeply in love with boating and with the islands. I lived day by day trying to enjoy and soak up every moment like a true north westerner soaking up the Bahamian sun, furthering my spiritual growth and conquering some pretty big fears. I've always loved the water but been terrified of drowning, yet I became a better swimmer, invented a new board sport called dingboarding (towing a paddleboard behind a dinghy), learned the ins and outs of sailing, learned to snorkel, and caught, cleaned and cooked my first fish spear fishing (a big feat for a former vegan). Most importantly, my time in the Bahamas inspired me to start writing music and performing it live, and 21 songs later I'm ready to make it my life's work. I may not have fallen in love in the relationship sense, but love infused every part of my experience in the Bahamas. I'm still in awe of the kindness of people I encountered on this journey. I now have adoptive parents in Australia, Canada and the Bahamas, I've been given a roof over my head, a job, and food to eat when I was in need, and people were always willing to provide information or a helping hand. I came out of three third world countries unscathed, not a cent stolen, not a moment did I feel in danger. All the fears my friends, family and I had for this trip proved to be unnecessary, though I'm still glad I took all the necessary precautions to avoid them. Every time friends and family would ask about the new place I was in, I'd say it was the best part of my trip, which became a bit of a running joke. But truly, the trip seemed to get better every new place I went. Not because the place or the people were superior to the last, but because my inner peace and happiness improved so much over the course of the trip, making me happier and more able to enjoy each moment as time went on. Like Liz in Eat, Pray, Love, traveling really helped me find myself and show me what I want in life. Our journeys may have differed in many ways but the overall themes are the same. I'm so grateful for the last 7 months and I can't believe it's actually come to an end, but I know I have even more exciting adventures ahead, this is only the beginning of a crazy beautiful adventure I'm proud to call my life.

[thislifeontheroad]

Today I've hit the 7 month mark of the day I embarked on this trip, with only a few short weeks left to go. Naturally, I've begun to reflect on the last 7 months. More than thinking about the things I've done, however, what's on my mind is defining, or not defining, the person I've become. I can't be defined in some ways anymore. I'm no longer a Public Relations Account Coordinator at Waggener Edstrom. I'm not at the moment a permanent resident of Vancouver, Washington or Portland, Oregon, or anywhere for that matter. I am WSU grad, a Kappa Kappa Gamma, a world traveler, a musician and a yoga enthusiast but I can't be defined by any or all of those things either. Here's what I do know, at this point in my life. I'm a former scaredy cat who's now much less afraid of the world and the unpredictable uncertainty of life. I'm a strong willed, confident woman who is fine on her own and loves her own company while still deeply craving the love and attention of others. I'm a talented singer and songwriter who longs to share a message of universal love and freedom with the world. I'm a hiker, a surfer, a snorkeler, a sailor, a dancer, a runner, a yogi, a raver, a future biker chick, a paddleboarder; someone who's willing to try anything once and would rather have the ability to do a lot of different things than be really really good at one. I love clothes and makeup as much as I love sports, playing in the dirt and wearing backwards flatbacks. I'm a goofball with no shame in my game, nicknames and songs for everything, and a willingness to look weird to others as long as I'm being myself. I'm someone whose charm lies in my quirks and my childlike love and curiosity for life, people and the world we live in. I'm deeply spiritual and I believe in a higher essence, a formless substance that is the basis for all existence, and I try to live my life based on that view. I'm equal parts crazy independent, a shameless flirt, and a believer in true love and soulmates. I sing loud, dance wild, love fully and run free. I'm more than just a name, a label, a collection of stories. I'm an eternal spirit, a being made of pure love, who is experiencing the ups downs and chaotic beauty that is human existence. I embody Kalos Kai Agathos, Greek for the divine balance between the beautiful - the pleasures of humanity - and the good - the spiritual, the higher consciousness that we all have access to whether we realize it at this moment or not. The best part is that this definition, which is already inadequate as words will always fall short in expressing my full truth, is ever changing. Not being defined by one thing allows me to be many things, and those things are constantly in motion, growing, changing, dying out. When I go home I won't be a backpacker or a sailor anymore, but I'll still be me at my core. The outer definition changes, but the inner climate remains the same. It's given a new environment, a new playground to explore, a new world to grow into. Yes I'm a bit anxious about the unknown future, but more than anything I'm excited, I have a clean slate, a chance to reinvent myself again and again just for the enjoyment of it. Traveling has given me that, and what a blessing it's been. Not to learn who I am, but to remember Who I Am, as a being of higher consciousness living in this beautiful, crazy human world just for the pure experience of being alive.

[thislifeontheroad]

Island Wisdom When I decided to travel, I did so with the intention to learn more about myself and the world and feel a sense of peace and oneness with everything I encounter. I've been lucky to find myself, especially lately, in situations that I feel that. But none more so than here in the islands. Sure, we are all familiar with the most famous islander, Bob Marley, and his outlook on life. "One love" and "every little thing is gonna be alright" are terms we all have come to associate with laid back island life. Thing is, people actually do think that way here. Our first night out in Green Turtle Cay, we met a local guy named Sherlin, (or "Shillin" if you hear him say it, I'm still learning to decipher the thick islander accent) who everyone knows as "50 cent" or "fiddy." He invited us for a game of pool and, after beating the crap out of us, mentioned we should come by the bar he works at for happy hour the next day. Since then, we've seen him everywhere. He's always popping up and the guy is practically a local celebrity here the way he's known and loved by everyone, locals and visitors alike. It's not hard to figure out why, he's extremely friendly and helpful, and he's got an infectious smile and a round-the-clock positive attitude. Last night, he offered to take us to the other end of the island in his golf cart for live music at one of the marinas, so we wouldn't have to take the dinghy all the way there in the dark, expecting absolutely nothing in return. On the way, he picked up a random girl on the side of the road (who he knew of course) and took her home. Turns out that's super common here, there are 200 or so locals on the island so they pretty much all know each other and are constantly helping each other out. People don't lock their doors, in fact, there is apparently a beautiful mansion on the island full of valuables that was deserted two years ago and not a single thing has been taken; I guess you can go check it out and walk around in there, it's totally still intact. They just have no need to take what's not theirs, they live as though they've got everything they need. When I mentioned his popularity, Fiddy just smiled and told me, "we are all love," and that if you act like the love you are, and treat people like the love they are, only good things can come. I mean I've said stuff like that before and believe it whole heartedly, but this guy lives it every second of every day. It's a true inspiration for my life, as that's pretty much my number one goal. Needless to say, I love it here and it know it's the perfect place for me to be right now. I'm finding that savoring the present moment, doing things I love to do, and accepting without resistance the things I don't love but that need to be done is a recipe for true happiness and contentment and I'm so glad to be learning this as I prepare to come home and integrate back into the "real world," which ironically doesn't seem so real or so serious now after all.

[thislifeontheroad]

Setting Sail I apologize for the hiatus in my writing, since I left Colombia there's been a lot of moving around. I finally made it back to US soil on March 11th and spent a week in Miami with my friend Snir for his birthday. Then on the 16th, I hopped on a 44' sailboat called Lady of the Island, which will be my floating home for the next month. This last week, I got settled in while we hung out in an anchorage in North Palm Beach, waiting for a perfect weather window to cross the Gulf Stream to the Bahamas. I didn't have much to share since all we really did was eat, sleep, run errands and chill for a week. But it didn't take long for me to fall in love with living on a boat, just like I always expected I would. The gentle rocking of the hull makes me sleep like a baby, I wake up to the sunshine, surrounded by water and I end each day with a gorgeous sunset, after which I play and sing for my fellow sailors, Tamar and Grant, until it's time to sleep again. It was truly medicine for the soul, and the real journey hadn't even begun. We picked Saturday morning for our departure, but when we woke up, the weather didn't look so promising after all. Storm clouds were rolling in and it was pretty windy. We figured we'd take the boat out to see the conditions for ourselves before we decided if we'd go all the way across to the Bahamas, an approximate 8 hour sail. After an hour or so on the water with 6 foot swells, 22 knot winds and pelting rain, we decided to turn back and take cover in the anchorage again. The weather was supposed to clear by late in the evening, so we set 11pm for our new departure time. After a long nap and a delicious dinner, we pulled up the anchor and left the Peanut Island inlet for the second time, this time encountering calm waters and clear skies. In order to catch up for lost time, we would have to sail about 16+ hours to get to a safe anchorage for the night. So we set the course and took turns at the helm so we'd all have a chance to sleep. I'll be honest, I was a little nervous about being out on the open water without any land in sight; it's definitely something I've never experienced before. But with a plethora of stars above and calm waters for miles in every direction, I can honestly say it was one of the most peaceful experiences of my life. I've never felt so big and so small at the same time, I could barely sleep at first because I was so in awe, it was as if the immense blackness of the ocean and the endless stretch of sky was swallowing us up and we were all one. I fell asleep around 4am and woke up just before the sun rose, so I got to watch it come up directly ahead of us, as if inviting us to come explore paradise in the glow of its rays. The sunrise shone with every color of the rainbow; it looked like something from the mind of a painter. Once the sun was up, I noticed the clarity of the turquoise water and realized for the first time that we were no longer in North America. As we continued, the water got more and more shallow to the point where we could see directly down to the bottom, even though there was still no land in sight. It occurred to me then that we had found paradise. The turquoise water stretched to the horizon on all sides; it was truly surreal. For the second time that day, I felt completely and utterly filled with joy and peace. When we finally got to our anchorage spot, it was about 4pm and we were all eager to jump in the picture perfect water to cool off from the long day in the sun. Grant, the captain, claimed to have seen a sea creature that looked like an orange Sasquatch, so we joked endlessly about watching out for the Bahamian orange water Sasquatch every chance we got. The water was warm and salty enough to float unaided, which made for a nice little swim. After drying off in the sun to the sound of Jack Johnson, we started cooking dinner and I threw together a rum punch to celebrate our arrival in the Bahamas. We spent the evening enjoying fabulous food, sipping rum punch and $150 scotch (which has to be one of the best drinks I've ever had...the scotch not the rum) and laughing and joking about our many mishaps and adventures throughout the day. The night ended on the bow of the boat, where I softly played my guitar and sang to my crew mates and to the incredible galaxy of stars floating above us. The night was almost eerie as we were surrounded by nothing and no one, with fog blurring the horizon and silence that surrounded and engulfed us. We woke up abruptly at 4 am to the sound of the wind picking up and decided we should get moving in order to reach the next safe harbor in time for a big storm to roll in. Though we saw some lightning in the distance and I was sure we'd be caught in some crazy hurricane or something, we made it safely to Green Turtle Cay where we'll be waiting out the weather for a few days before moving on. The last few days have been exhausting and exhilarating and worth every second. I can't help but feel so lucky; this is something people fantasize about when they are stuck in their office cubicles but most never actually experience. I'm living it. And you bet I'm living every moment to the fullest, wouldn't be worth it any other way!

[thislifeontheroad]

J-J-Jaded

There comes a point in every traveler´s journey where they just stop being excited about traveling. For some, it takes years, others, merely months, and some may not realize how jaded they are but everyone around them sees it clear as day. I hate to admit it, but I hit that point a few weeks ago in Cartagena. 

It`s not that I don`t still feel lucky to be where I am and it`s not like I`m ignoring my incredible surroundings. Not entirely anyway. It`s more characterized by the crankiness every time I have to pack up my stuff and haul it off to a new city, the choice to stay in and watch TV instead of sight-see, the unwillingness to meet new people because the thought of asking ¨Where are you from?¨ and ¨How long have you been traveling?¨ feels so annoying and impersonal. I miss stupid things like my clothes, looking cute when I leave the house, being able to hear updates on my friends` lives in person rather than via Facebook or Skype if I`m really lucky. 

Don`t get me wrong, I haven`t lost my passion for traveling. I know that when I get home, it won`t be long before I get the itch to move again. Instead, I think this is an important lesson every traveler should learn: We all have to go home. Sometimes, it`s just time. It doesn`t make you less of a seasoned traveler, and it doesn`t mean that you can never travel again. It definitely doesn`t mean you`ve failed as a long term traveler. I meet people who`ve been on the road for years, but I`m learning to accept that that lifestyle isn`t, and may never be, for me. Which is honestly a relief. Those multi-year world tours have a lot of costs, financially and otherwise, and I was always sort of afraid that once I started traveling, I`d never want to stop or settle down. I now realize that traveling in spurts suits me perfectly. I`ll never stop traveling, but at least if I`m only traveling a few months a year I can start my career as a life coach and find a relationship and maintain closeness with my friends and family, which are all things that are vastly important to me. 

Despite all this, I`m not coming home right this second. I think the key for me at this point is to only do things I`m really excited about. When Josh left, I wanted to get the eff out of Colombia because I`m just kind of over South America at this point and I`m ready to move on. I had nothing left to look forward to here. Unfortunately, changing a flight isn`t so cheap, so I`m here another week. I was worried I`d just be sitting around bored, but thankfully life had a better plan. I have an opportunity to go out to coffee country and teach yoga at La Serrana Eco Hostel for the next week, which I`m super stoked about. Feeling excited to travel again feels awesome. And in a few weeks time I`ll be on a sailboat in the Bahamas, which to me feels like something out of a dream. And then I`ll be home by summer, where I`ll work and plan my next adventure. 

Being jaded doesnt have to be a bad thing, just a wake up call to allow you to figure out where you are and what you really want to be doing. So I`m thankful for it in a weird way. Ìt`s just where I am right now and that`s beautiful.

[thislifeontheroad]

On staying present

Though yoga school taught me a ton about living in the present moment through meditation and practice, this last few weeks has done wonders for my true understanding of the importance of living in the now.

After leaving Sogamoso, I took off for Cartagena to meet up with Leah. Shortly after, my good friend from home, Josh, met up with us for a two week vacation. We spent a few days trying our best to beat the heat in Cartagena )which I ultimately failed at...whyyy is 70% humidity necessary EVER?) before deciding to take a trip out to Palomino, a tiny beach town on the Caribbean coast.

When we got to Finca Escondida, our beachfront hostel (read: hammocks), we realized that there was no WiFi, no communal computer and no TV. Instead, we had a gorgeous stretch of beach and not a whole lot else. Which forced us to actually talk to each other to stay entertained (the horror!)

On that beach in Palomino, the three of us had some of the deepest, most philosophical conversations I`ve ever had. Our different viewpoints and backgrounds played integral parts in each conversation, allowing us to open our minds and look outside what our limited knowledge offers. No subject was left untouched. From spirituality and religion to government conspiracy theories and the existence of Bigfoot, we stretched our minds to the limits and opened up to possibilities we may never have otherwise considered. All completely sober and drug free, I might add.

The best part about crazy conversations is you don`t have to believe everything someone tells you, you don`t have to buy into the Bigfoot thing or religion in order to get something out of a conversation. The beauty of life is that we have free will and we get to decide what we believe in. But because of that, why not hear someone else`s viewpoint? Why not open yourself up to the chance that they could be right, even if you choose not to believe it yourself? I`ve always thought the Bigfoot thing was bullshit but Josh provided some pretty interesting facts on the subject that I was super riveted by. Do I believe in Bigfoot now? Not necessarily, but I`m willing to accept that my limited thinking might not always be right. How beautiful is that?

After leaving Palomino, we hit Minca, another small town known for its coffee situated in the Sierra Nevada mountains, not far from the coast. This time, we picked up a fourth member of the crew, Jared, who totally got in on some awesome chats with us. Again, we had to WiFi, no reasons at all not to just hang out and talk to each other. It was so fun to talk about different things and to disagree respectfully and lovingly sometimes. Imagine if we all disagreed with love and respect all the time, and were willing to admit our views and beliefs might be wrong...our world would be a completely different place.

So I guess I went on a bit of a tangent, but the point of all this is that in each situation, we were totally present. We weren´t multitasking or even thinking about other things. We were there with each other, both passionately talking and intently listening, allowing the moment to consume us. I`ve never appreciated sunsets and stars and music so much in my life. Everything was a sensual pleasure and I didn`t have a worry or care in the world. 

Arriving in Medellin snapped us back to reality. Back to the land of widespread WiFi access, Facebook and Tinder, TV, crowded streets and nightclubs. And it`s not that it was less fun, but we lost the magic a bit. We started checking our phones more, rushing through meals and reverting back to our limited views.

As I move forward, I hope to be more conscious of being present. I`ll be spending 9 more days in South America, then after some time sailing in the Bahamas, I`ll be heading home, with pretty much nothing left in my pocket. Which means I`ll need a job, and it`ll be time to rejoin the ¨real world¨ to some extent. When I`m not present, it`s so easy to let that stress me out. To worry about the details: where will I work, where will I live, how much money will I need to survive? But if I stay in the moment, and try not to skip to far ahead, I truly believe life will just happen the way it`s supposed to, when it`s supposed to. The right opportunities will come, but I can`t force them. I just need to be ready and willing to grab ahold of them when they do come. That`s the challenge, and it`s one I`m willing to rise to.

[thislifeontheroad]

Life of a blossoming yogini

If we are being honest, yoga school cracks me up. When I first got here, I had a first class ticket to the struggle bus. Coming from a three week stint at Wild Rover then New Years in Cartagena, 4 hours of yoga a day plus a nightly lecture felt like being blind and getting bitch slapped. On top of that, I realized that I was one of three students in the course; the other two were a Finnish couple in their 30s, which at the time didn't make my social life look too promising. I'm pretty sure I cried during my second class due to pure frustration, all I could think was what the hell am I doing here and how did I get so off track in my life? Since then, it's gotten both harder and easier. Most of the poses are becoming more natural to me (although I still curse effing padahastasana...not sure why it's so hard for me to bend over for five minutes) and the schedule is becoming second nature. I still get frustrated to tears during long meditations and the aches and pains I've felt in the last three weeks make me feel like I'm 80 sometimes, but I do feel like I'm exactly where I need to be. What I'm most thankful for now though is that Finnish couple I was worried I'd have nothing in common with. Turns out, they are the shit. Helena and I are very similar and we relate to each other with both our strengths and weaknesses. But the best and most important part is that we keep each other human. This school is very etheric, there's lots of talk of energies and cosmic harmony and self realization, half the time I feel like yoga is from another planet. But then class ends and the three of us hang out and realize we all have the same thoughts. We bring each other back from the confusing world of "cosmic and telluric energies" and purification techniques and the law of karma and we just get to be human. Tonight, we just sat around talking about all of these things only the three of us would understand like comparing uddiyana bandi to drowning and focusing on the wrong chakra in meditation and it hits me just how perfectly human we are. I haven't laughed that hard in ages. There are so many things I've done here that I'm so proud of that most people I know will never understand and there are so many things also that or struggled with that again, no normal person would understand. But I have Helena and Acki and we make snorting salt water every morning and staring at a Ping pong ball for 8 minutes straight feel a little less crazy. What is life if you can't see the humor in it? I sure would be a lot less happy if I couldn't laugh at all the weird shit that it throws my way. All in all, yoga school is one of the strangest but most transformative experiences I've been through not just on this trip but in my life. I may not be that different than I was a month ago, although I guess I probably am, but I feel like what in learning here will be a lifetime practice for me and for that I'm eternally grateful. If nothing else, it's a daily reminder that nothing should be taken too seriously, or you might just make yourself crazy.

[thislifeontheroad]

Colombia: initial impressions Ive been in Colombia over a week now, the first five days celebrating new years in Cartagena and the last week at a farm in Sogamoso where I began yoga school on Monday. A few initial thoughts about Colombia: -The locals are much friendlier than they were in Peru. Everyone told me this before I got here and they were spot on. Multiple times I've had some rando trying to get my attention on the street, which I learned to ignore in Peru, but here they are relentless and every time I finally give in I find they are usually trying to be helpful, it's like they can sense I'm looking for something or need to ask a question. The best part is they are much more patient with the language barrier. Rather than dismissing me or avoiding communication when it's clear I can't speak Spanish, they talk slow and continue to push me to communicate with the little Spanish I have. They never give up. I've had more full conversations (small talk, but still) with Spanish speakers in the last week than I did my entire time in Peru. It's nice not being looked at like you are a brainless alien. -I hadn't realized how used to Peruvian food I'd gotten until I got here. There have been so many things I've just expected to find and been disappointed. No more Sublimes, my favorite chocolate, there aren't a million different kinds of potatoes in the grocery store and the fruit is different (no more pepinas...I'm still wrestling with that truth). Time to get used to a whole new food system! -Being able to cook my own food is life changing. As much as I loved my standard order at Wild Rover, it wasn't always the healthiest. Now I can finally make salads and green smoothies and all sorts of dishes I normally survive on at home but have missed terribly here. My body is thanking me already. Initial impressions aside, I want to share a bit about my experience since I began yoga school. I arrived here last weekend, a few days early, and the first full day went on an 8 hour, 1000m elevation change hike to the Black Lagoon. Two days later, classes began. So far, I love it. The first day was especially hard. I was homesick for some random reason, heavily detoxing from my unhealthy lifestyle in Peru, and reintroducing your body to yoga is always uncomfortable if not downright painful. Each day has gotten easier. My mind has become more focused, my body feels lighter and more flexible, and I'm much more content on a moment to moment basis than I've been in months. I've cut out TV and tried to read instead of Facebook when I have downtime. I'm eating healthier, learning so much, and working for my accommodation which keeps me grounded. I really feel like I'm in the right place at this point in my life. One of the teachers, Leo, I find myself inexplicably drawn too. Not in a physical way, but in a way that I feel like he's the teacher who I will best learn from. He's also a mirror of the kind of person I'd like to be. He has so much childlike enthusiasm for everything he teaches us, and always has this smile on his face like he's got the secret to life and it's incredibly amusing. It's infectious. This experience so far has been night and day different from my three months in Peru. Though there are two other students in the course (the school is still fairly new so class sizes are still tiny) I find myself spending a lot of time alone which is really uncharacteristic of me. But I think the things we are most uncomfortable with are the things we most need to overcome, and I want to learn to enjoy my own company, cause lets be real I'm pretty fun ;) To give you an idea of my life right now, I do two hours of yoga in the morning, work for two hours (which right now consists of redecorating the student dorm, fun!!), 4 hours of free time during which I hike, nap or read, 2 more hours of yoga then a nightly lecture. So much information to take in but it's absolutely fascinating and I'm enamored by it all. I can already feel positive changes and it's only been a week, I can't wait to see who I am at the end of this month!