yerimathy

[yerimathy]

I may be over exaggerating, but Pinterest just didn't let me post a comment with the words "eating disorder" until I censored them. What the fuck?

[yerimathy]

What I find really infuriating about internet, is how adults look at it.

If I come out and tell my parents "I think I'm neurodivergent" or "I think I'm gay" they will most probably roll their eyes and go "sweety get off of the internet it messes with your head"

WELL MAYBE BUT CAN YOU JUST PLAY ALONG? If a small child comes and tells you "I'm Superman!!" Will you tell him "It's all the movies you've been watching. You're just imagining it"?? No!

You will play along! Do the same with us!

What will it hurt you to play along with me being 'gay' or 'having ADHD'?? If you're right, it will 'go away' and if you're wrong you're already half way to accepting!

And I tell that from experience. I had moments when the internet influenced me into something I am not, but also I have moments when I see a post and it stares right back at me!

I see a post and... I feel it. But I cannot share my thoughts or fears about me being something without getting rolled eyes and sighed at.

Isn't this the reason we've got the internet? To explore? To find out more? Well what if I find something about myself?? Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's not, could you just play along? Is it so hard?

[yerimathy]

A little story from a teen )

I do a lot of things, including sports, music and other activities, and I like the feedback. I like when people see my phone and go "Wow! You can understand Japanese?!" Or when I drop a bit of lore and they go "You have a black belt!? That's awesome!!" So of course I wanted to maximize it. And that's when it came...

The grind culture.

Oh god, you can see in my YouTube history the moment where I got into it, with hundreds of videos about waking up at 5, increasing productivity and such. The point is, I never succeeded in it.

The tips seemed too... Blunt? Like if for them it was as easy as day but for me I knew it would never work. I still tried.

I worked out at 5 in the morning before school, which broke my sleeping cycle and made me a zombie.

I tried to only study after school, which harmed my mental and social health.

After just a week I hated it. All of the tips and tricks didn't work, I was broken and chipped by them.

And then, after another burnout, I met them : ✨ The Pinterest Aesthetics✨

I scrolled mindlessly, looking at frogs in ponds, gothic castles and bleeding ladies, and stumbled across what I can call beauty : The Academia Aesthetics.

I thought they would be another "Pain is temporary, success is forever" kind of thing, so I clicked.

Oh. My. God. After a few months of indulging in the aesthetic, I tried to take it and it worked for me! I liked the style, the vibe, the books and the overall beauty of it.

Only after a while did I realize that the difference was the pace; the grind culture required to live fast, throw away all that wasn't necessary, never stop until you're there. And the Academia (at first I liked the Dark one but now I'm mostly Chaotic or Dimlit) said 'fuck that' and shoved me into a world where the main focus was to drink tea with a book with a thunderstorm behind my window, stopping occasionally for projects and studies.

I worked better, I felt awesome and I could be as slow as I wanted. In a week of Dark Academia I gained more than from a month of Grind Culture.

Fellow teen on this hellsite, I know what you are thinking.

'I must succeed! I am smart! If I do not follow the grind, it's a fail! I must be productive!'

I was there. And I am not a 26 yo adult who looks down at you and remembers her past, I am 17. I just got out of that hole.

My words may not reach you, but if they do, search for what's right. If the Grind Culture works for you, that's awesome! If it doesn't, go for a scout. Maybe join the 'Academics' club and come for tea in the rain, maybe go far and learn the knowledge of another culture. Find the balance.

Be safe )

[yerimathy]

Hey guys be cool and normal but reblog this with the homemade meal that would get you the most hyped as a child. I need it for reasons.

[yerimathy]

Just got out of sex-ed seminar.

I am so disgusted by the boys.

We watched a video about a rape in a relationship, and when the educator asked what we think should be the punishment to the guy (the guy used force on his girlfriend), the girls gave legitimate answers while the boys gave answers to get lols . They said things no one would say and exaggeration (cutoff his balls, hang him...) and while I do agree that rape in a relationship is still rape, using it and it's punishment as a joke is a fucked up thing.

Also, while we were being questioned about statistics and things like that, only 2 out of 8 boys answered. Mind you, the questions were "is it right to rape if..." Or "is it right that most rapes happen by...". And only 2 or the 8 answered. All the girls answered those questions. Simple questions.

[yerimathy]

Gals gays and Feys,

We chatted and agreed to a meet up. I... What?

I am scared that I will end up in a relationship with him, tho, as I stated, he's the only one I do consider as a future partner.

But as I threw him off the list (that is now empty) I feel awkward. Like, he asked me when did I suddenly remember to text him, how the fuck do I explain that he's the only boy who showed interest in me and I wanted to ask him what he saw in me but chickened out the second he responded to my 'hi"???

I just have to get something off of my chest.

I am 17, I met a boy when I was 16 at a karate event.

I was looking at him the whole time because he was very serious and had good punches. He was fairly attractive, about 6-7 / 10, yet I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He made incredible moves and I was fired up to keep going everytime I wanted to quit and give 50% instead of 100% just by looking at him.

At the end I did kind of befriend him. My friend said something stupid, I went to the boy and said "please beat him (my friend) up" and they did have a fight. We exchange phones and, no kidding, for 3 days straight we chatted almost 24/7. School breaks, home and night.

We had similar interests (karate & music. I play the flute, he's the piano). After a week we started flirting and all. We decided to meet up, and when I thought about what a hassle it would be to start dating he texted me about not wanting a relationship with someone who lives far away and is almost constantly busy (I have a lot in my life and we live about 2 hours away). We agreed to be friends and still chat, but now less. I met him again ones, after the "break up" and we talked, but without the chemistry. I liked him and would be honoured to be his gf, but I am afraid of not managing a relationship and fucking up us both.

After about a month, we chatted again and he told me he had a girlfriend and wrote her a BALLAD. I was... Confused. After a month of flirting with me, with our physical distance being the only turn off he already got a girlfriend?

I am not trying to gatekeep, I myself don't know how relationships work so I just laughed at it.

But man, I thought about going out with 2 more guys, but neither of the choices satisfies me. Even tho they both are as busy as me and we have a lot more in common than me and the karate guy, I would still prefer him.

For me, chatting and meeting once a month is almost ideal, but I guess not for him. It still fucks with me, half a year later. I can start warming up to a guy who I suspect would have 0 problems with dating me, that's 1. 2, I have no interest in a relationship (studying and self discovery. I already have an asshole to look after, I don't want another one. You have to walk em, you know). Yet I will say yes if he asks me, I already did once.

Do I have an interest in a theoretical relationship? I fucking guess so.

[yerimathy]

I just have to get something off of my chest.

I am 17, I met a boy when I was 16 at a karate event.

I was looking at him the whole time because he was very serious and had good punches. He was fairly attractive, about 6-7 / 10, yet I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. He made incredible moves and I was fired up to keep going everytime I wanted to quit and give 50% instead of 100% just by looking at him.

At the end I did kind of befriend him. My friend said something stupid, I went to the boy and said "please beat him (my friend) up" and they did have a fight. We exchange phones and, no kidding, for 3 days straight we chatted almost 24/7. School breaks, home and night.

We had similar interests (karate & music. I play the flute, he's the piano). After a week we started flirting and all. We decided to meet up, and when I thought about what a hassle it would be to start dating he texted me about not wanting a relationship with someone who lives far away and is almost constantly busy (I have a lot in my life and we live about 2 hours away). We agreed to be friends and still chat, but now less. I met him again ones, after the "break up" and we talked, but without the chemistry. I liked him and would be honoured to be his gf, but I am afraid of not managing a relationship and fucking up us both.

After about a month, we chatted again and he told me he had a girlfriend and wrote her a BALLAD. I was... Confused. After a month of flirting with me, with our physical distance being the only turn off he already got a girlfriend?

I am not trying to gatekeep, I myself don't know how relationships work so I just laughed at it.

But man, I thought about going out with 2 more guys, but neither of the choices satisfies me. Even tho they both are as busy as me and we have a lot more in common than me and the karate guy, I would still prefer him.

For me, chatting and meeting once a month is almost ideal, but I guess not for him. It still fucks with me, half a year later. I can start warming up to a guy who I suspect would have 0 problems with dating me, that's 1. 2, I have no interest in a relationship (studying and self discovery. I already have an asshole to look after, I don't want another one. You have to walk em, you know). Yet I will say yes if he asks me, I already did once.

Do I have an interest in a theoretical relationship? I fucking guess so.

[yerimathy]

Why not

Two years?! I’m in!

[yerimathy]

Oke I tried holding it in but I actually never done that so here I go venting on this hell site

I am participating in a uni program despite being in school. I like it and I'd like to stay in it but I failed the first of 3 exams. I can retake and I will, but in a few days I have another one to which I have Barely Studied TM.

Point is, my parents are supportive of me studying, but they see it as "She needs to pull a whole 24/7 study session" and make sour faces if I come out of my room not during meal time.

I have ruined my attention span and I have a hard time studying. I have always been addicted to YouTube and I'm trying to solve it.

Basically, today I was yelled at because my Dad came into my room (while I wasn't in it) without permission, saw a laptop with YouTube on my bed and started screaming, threatening to throw away the laptop he got me for said program, and hit my hand when I closed the door.

I am locked in my room (by choice), since both my parents are against me at this point, and we have a guest over. Me defending myself, saying I have done a part of my work and watching a 10 min video without any visuals is "throwing a tantrum in front of a guest", but my father screaming and yelling and calling me names and threatening to break my door down is okay.

The sad part (for me) is, I am currently doing the rest of the work. I don't want it to seem like the yelling worked on me, because I'm scared they will pick up on it. I really do want to succeed, but man, I wanna rest as well.

I hate yelling so I break in tears very fast , which leads me to "lose". I am this close to either saying fuck it and dropping out of the program and changing classes to the ones they (mainly Dad) don't support, starting cussing him out because words don't work on him, or reminding them that they already have a dead child who committed suicide at 15, asking do they want another suicide at 17.

Man I really hate this. I love studying, but I have my pace plus YouTube is way more enjoyable. Everything that isn't "I have acquired 3 degrees in 2 years and have the average of 15 seconds of weekly YouTube" isn't on the list for them.

They aren't abusive, but I wish they would consider my feelings more and understand that not only I am not a fucking machine, but also that I have a lot of distractions half of which are their fault.

[yerimathy]

I have been keeping a bullet journal for 2 years, with one notebook per year. Now I kinda want to try the "2 years in one notebook", and idea/tips?

[yerimathy]

Here is every single city pop song I could find in my likes.

[yerimathy]

it's that time of year again! where I make an updated post with all of my unhinged spotify playlists in hopes that it will introduce people to some new music that they like!

pov you're a sexy villain scheming away in your dark sexy lair

classical music for sexy bitches

goth-esque tunes for your average misty thursday night graveyard hangouts

i think it should be legal to punch one (1) annoying person per day and not get in trouble for it

yeah i serve... serve cunt

it's 1am and you're sitting on the bathroom tile floor trying not to dehydrate yourself from crying so much

losing my mind but in a hot and sexy and cool way

when you're driving and you want to impress your passengers with your diverse and sexy music taste

mentally i am a divorced father of three in the year 2006 who's trying to quit smoking but it's not working

calming study tunes

if i owned a coffee shop these are the songs that would be playing

pov you fell in love with someone you can't have but you can't help but cling to hope that one day it might work out

57 year old suburban dad mowing the lawn on a sunny saturday afternoon

I am so normal about this character dynamic (enemies to lovers core)

I'm secretly still a 14 year old emo kid with really bad eyeliner

the bittersweet end credit scene where you can't decide whether you're happy, sad, or somewhere in between

it's snowing and you're walking in the dark, watching the snow flutter under the streetlights

life is an anime and i am the emotionally repressed and self-sacrificing main character

[yerimathy]

Can someone recommend artists and composers that play/write for flute? Except for Lizzo

I want motivation

Any decade and music will go, I just want to hear the flute, classical or no, with or without words.

[yerimathy]

I'm having serious problems. School ended a month ago, and I didn't start anything to get closer to my goals.

The only goal I achieved , not even a serious one, is cleaning and kind of organizing my room.

The problem might be in YouTube, but seriously, why can't I do things I like?

I like reading, yet I read like 50 pages this summer. I like playing the flute, yet I practice like twice a week, and I have a concert in a week.

I just wanna die. Why am I so useless? Why do I spend my time, that I could use on awesome things, rewatching the same videos I already watched?!

[yerimathy]

Turns out, I'm a fool who was brainwashed by the internet for hoping that my father would at least comfort me when I told him I wanted to hurt myself, instead of rolling his eyes and telling me "what are you, 13?"

[yerimathy]

You know what my problem is?

There are people who strive, there are people who work.

Almost everyone is a mix of these, with percentages of course.

The best ones are high on strive and high on work. They see, they set, they go, they get.

On the other hand, there's the opposite. They don't strive, they don't care. Happiness in apathy.

There's those who don't strive but work. They can get goals, and they'll turn into the first category, and then they'll settle down in a routine.

Me? I'm the worst of the four : strive and no work. I want it, I cry when I get not perfect, I'm envious, I'm anxious. Yet? I don't do anything about it. I have 3 exams in 2 weeks. Did I study? No. Do I want to ace them? Yes.

I hate myself for that. It's like my hands are bound, but there's no rope. I just keep them behind my back, weeping.

No wonder people make fun of me.

[yerimathy]

Ginger Milk Tea - Adrak Wali Chai