yuomi

[yuomi]

Punching Bag

Hit me, hurt me, give me a break, and do it all over again.

[yuomi]

I'm at the lowest of my lows, but you wouldn't know.

[yuomi]

chronic pain is my skin. I wake up with it, sleep with it and live in it. normalised because "everyone has it." maybe it's all in my head? I'll journal my nightly fevers, fatigue, hives, vertigo. Yet my vitals are normal at my doctor's appointment, therefore i'm healthy.

[yuomi]

Am I an endangered animal? You only worry when i’m close to extinction. The only way to make me feel better is by locking me up in a glass for others to view me. You love the looks you get for catching one of a kind but little do they know you’re the reason causing the endangerment in private.

[yuomi]

A cheap, useless sex doll i am

the one you’d only play with when ur mom isn’t around

never to be posted, must be kept hidden, just wishing i’d turn into a model

why keep me if you can do it yourself

i just belive you like to switch it up sometimes

[yuomi]

I hate feeling this way

as if I'm a chore you dread everyday, a debt that is due,

feeling as if I'm your job.

[yuomi]

My stomach is feeling like a kid with stage fright before they give a presentation. The words won’t come out and i fear they’ll get mixed with vomit if i were to speak right now. I’m full of anger and disappointment. I should be used to it by now but I’m not.

[yuomi]

am i an ant to you?

a weak, small, irrelevant being.

[yuomi]

why must a tear be shed for my emotions to be heard

[yuomi]

I really hate my body. a year ago i weighed 80 pounds and I almost weigh 2 times now. the thought of a scale brings back the feeling of needing to purge before my daily weigh in. I know I'm recovered but it sucks to see thin bodies everywhere.

[yuomi]

all your worries surround being in first place or getting the most kills

while my worries are consuming me as the dollar store pregnancy test shows two lines.

as the lines show my brain is running full of lies. praying it won’t fall on ur demise.

#sad #miscarriage #lonely #latenights #vent

[yuomi]

if you really knew me you’d know that i gag at the slightest bit of ketchup when it touches me,

if you really knew me you’d know i’m over sexual when i’m sad.

but you only know my bra size

[yuomi]

Pancakes on a Sunday. To think the syrup was sweet. The perfect morning breakfast it seemed. Until I heard the phone ring.

[yuomi]

for your money? id fall in love like two kids in first grade.

the rush, the desire, i feel within as the cash app notification pops up only for it to be $5. Im natural, different then other models, the compliments read in chat. reality i’m a underpaid actor.

[yuomi]

the hairs standing on my arm ,as the chills take over my spine, the tears begin to leave my eyes. the jealous thoughts feel real. there u are standing on the stage, whilst everyone cheers. When i walk admist the boo’s. your the sun, while i’m the moon. everything revolves around you.. ur the prettiest girl they’ve ever seen, then they’ll give me a back handed compliment, saying they’re trying not to be mean.

[yuomi]

 the blur filling my vision as you ask if I'm okay.

my mind being in a daze, being covered by a black looming haze.

for a second you’d look at my face and believe I'm in a bad place.

I’ll try to explain but my mind is a mirror maze were positive thoughts get loose in this personal grave.

you’ll give me a hug whispering I'm in a “safe” space. 

as the embrace takes place my veins will crave peace and hopefully my mind will behave as the thoughts fade. 

[yuomi]

would u notice that i haven’t ate all day since you’ve been mad at me. This uneasy feeling lingers and fills me. maybe this is the punishment i deserve my brain tells me. this loneliness makes me realize what i’ve lost since you. I’m alone without you which scares me even more.