#TryingToHeal

[wouldntyoulikeyoknow]

“Empty Tabs”

I light the screen like a cigarette flame, Familiar clicks, but it’s never the same. Faces I don’t know, names I won’t learn, A ritual repeated just to feel the burn.

Not fire on skin, not touch or embrace— Just echoes of bodies in digital space. I chase a high that's hollow and thin, Every climax leaves me lonelier again.

It’s not desire, not really—not love, Just a ghost I keep feeding when push comes to shove. A symptom, a scratch I can't stop bleeding, A stand-in for warmth, for actual meaning.

Each night I promise, “Tomorrow I’ll stop.” Then I scroll past the guilt 'til my soul wants to drop. It’s not the porn, it’s the silence it hides, The ache of an empty place no clip can disguise.

I don’t want pixels—I want a hand. Not just to hold, but to help me stand. I want someone’s laugh, not synthetic moans, But here I sit, addicted and alone.

[deliriousfairy]

All the pieces of me you left broken are starting to be put back together; even the pieces I thought i had lost ... . I appreciate that .. I'm hoping now I can find my complete self

#tryingtoheal#whiletryingtocope#allofme#ineedtofind#myself

[marbearwrites]

You left me in the dark and took all the light with you...

[phoenixnightshade]

My newest crystals, just added today.🥰. The last one I zoomed in on at the end of the video has me stumped, not 100% sure what it is.... #crystals #crystalhealing #gemstones #collection #collector #witch #witchesofinstagram #tryingtoheal #witchythings #witchyvibes (at Marietta, Ohio) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIHDfsShiW1/?igshid=168o6al9xc7d8

[mil13r]

#fightingdemons on #legday . . . #outerquads and #innerquads #focus , #legpress #wide and #narrow , #seatedcalfraises , #smithmachinesquats #squats #widestancesquats #widestance #narrowstance #narrowstancesquat #innerpeace #calmthestorm #selflove #tryingtoheal . #insanelabz #preworkout #iamgod #insaneveinz (at Saratoga Regional YMCA) https://www.instagram.com/p/CRGtjLxrwzN/?utm_medium=tumblr

[kaushikdavan]

You’ll never know how much a person means to you until you lost them✌️ You’ll never know how much you love a person until you let them go✌️ You’ll never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice ✌️ You’ll never know how much you are loved until you love yourself✌️ All hidden scars of heart will heal, Every pain will fade away soon. With complete faith all hurrdles will end, we will heal🥀 . . . . . . 🌹🌹🌹#kaushik_davan #poetry #feelings #truestory #love#memories 🌹🌹🌹 #tryingtoheal#timechanges #whiskeyxlove 🌹🌹🌹#instagram #loveisbullshit #instadaily #insta#feed#like 🌹🌹🌹#love#share#feel #read #readagain #page 🌹🌹🌹#night#deepthoughts #sensitivecontent #loveyourself🌹🌹🌹 #standup #joke #trending #fail #nevertrust #anyone 🌹🌹🌹 @poemsporn_ @poemxheaven @poetstribe 🌹🌹🌹@wolfypoems @poisonandchoices@poets @saloniscribes @poetsglobe @thepoetics 🌹🌹🌹@rumi.quotes @unerasepoetry @poetsandwriters 🌹🌹🌹 (at ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢs ツ) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNqay08pwz8/?igshid=cr891i4t4o2t

[onmyown-blog]

Leaving

Leaving. I haven’t ever been good at it. When I was young and drinking alot I would leave bars without saying goodbye. I would walk home down the snowy, Colorado streets completely drunk on my own. No one knew where I was. I liked that feeling. I liked knowing that I was on my own and that I could go as slow or as fast as I wanted. I could turn down alleyways and walk by the river. I needed to watch out for moose, but never other people. When I leave I don’t usually say goodbye.

Monday morning that is what I did. I had threatened it so many times. I had promised him if I even suspected he was drinking I would go. My last threat three weeks ago weighed heavy on my heart. I knew I meant it this time and it made me sad because I knew he thought it was going to be like all of the others. That I would take it back. So as he was screaming Monday and I grabbed my bag I don’t think I will ever forget his face. The brief surprise as I reached for the door. It quickly turned to anger. He started saying that’s it, that’s how you want to say goodbye. He laughed. I paused but only for a moment. I left.

He called right away. Laughing and mocking. How many times had I gotten this far only to turn around at this exact point? Countless times. I kept going. Within an hour he was frantic. I’m sorry. Come back. When I didn’t he went to the liquor store. That was when it got ugly. That day is going to be a hard memory for a long time. I hope not forever. I wanted to turn around and hug him but every time I did that I stayed. I don’t know how to say goodbye. I don’t know the right way to leave another human being. It hurts me that he didn’t understand it. It hurts me that he thought I would come back. Leaving hurts me.

[deanatolutasi]

To My Baby Boy or Girl

2017 was a tough one.  So much loss, and not nearly enough time spent recovering.  It is now 2018, and it saddens me that I won't get to meet your precious face in March.  Some days I feel guilty because the pain I felt from losing the love of my life (your dad), sent my stress, depression, and anxiety into overdrive.  I feel that my energy made it impossible for me to carry you to term. I feel like if I was in a better headspace, you’d still be making your grand entrance this year.  Even though we weren’t together at the time, your dad and I agreed to love and raise you in the healthiest environment you could ever imagine.  I was genuinely excited.  I remember when the doctor told me, I couldn’t stop smiling.  Oh what I’d give to feel you growing inside of me right now.  I needed to write this.  I needed to finally grieve.  I have been masking emotions long before your conception, and continue to do so after the loss.  How cruel life can be. It gives and takes CONSISTENTLY...and I’ve been internally screaming, trying to find balance again.  I’ve never been good with loss.  It’s my kryptonite.  Losing anything/anyone I love breaks me down to absolutely nothing.  I feel empty.  I have the biggest hole in my heart.  I will always take pride in being your mother.  I will always hold a spot for you in this family & in my heart.  

It’s so hard because I didn't just lose a pregnancy....my child died.  It’s the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones.  I would be 7 months pregnant today & my emotions are running wild. You were carried for only a moment, but you will be loved for a lifetime.  Instead of seeing your family, I know the first thing your little eyes will see when you open them is the face of Jesus and I find a little comfort in that.  I’ll keep you in my prayers always my beautiful baby.  

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” -Psalm 34:18 

[kitchenlassie]

A troubled few days away were occasionally flecked with laughter.. I promise🌸 — Lucky we captured a smile before it faded. It’s nicer to sit with the good rather than than bad though and it soothing for me too see that the smile here is genuine. — It was only just below the surface and not buried as deep as it sometimes feels❤️🍎 — Some healthy decisions have been made today and I’ve felt the darkness of my anxiety take a little reprieve.. the smallest of steps, the challenge of commitment to change, the simple effort behind the words... lets get some help. 🌸 We are not there yet...we have a long way to go, it’s going to be a hell of a lot of work. We are here, still, and we are trying.. it’s really all anyone can do. Right? — I hope you’ve been able to turn some sort of a corner today, if that’s what was needed xx🍎 — #smiletime #stillhere #stillsmiling #seekhelp #mentalhealthblogger #selfcarematters #toxicrelationships #kitchenlassie #hospitalityblogger #femalechefs #timeaway #tryingtoheal https://www.instagram.com/p/B3nwdO9g5Ra/?igshid=1twa6ve4tz1sw

[gabbydbarbosa]

Even in a place filled with despair and walls that have thousands of traumas from thousands of veterans, there is a reminder of the beauty of this hauntingly beautiful state. #takingamoment #centering #breathing #learningtoheal #tocope #toembrassmytraumas #fortheyaremine #vaclinic #lookattheflowers #therapytime #itsoktoseekhelp #fightingthedemons #vaappointment #traumasurvivor #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillnesssucks #askforahelpinghand #tryingtoheal (at VA Midtown Cboc) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1O4PrXngBC/?igshid=13770rv81za04

[tracyswimmer5]

I had to listen to my body this morning. My foot was really hurting. Although doctors can't find a stress fracture, it still feels like one is there. 🤷‍♀️ So 2 workouts instead of 3. But hey. A 700+ calorie burn isn't too bad..... #differenttrainingyieldsdifferentresults #krankcyclefusion #krankcycle #calorieburningparty #justtryit #personaltraining #mytrainerrocks #tryingtoheal #eatandlose #fitgirlsrock #beinginshapematters #blairregionalymca #blastingfatbuildingstrength (at Blair Regional YMCA) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwFiY7uFOXq/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=bnut4ozqxaqd

[briluv50]

Really enjoyed my yummy healthy dinner salad from @panerabread tonight! I only ate half, but can eat the rest tomorrow! Thanks to my hubby for getting this for me! I’m not looking too hot right now, just put my hair up after massaging in my Favorite MONAT Rejuveniqe Hair Oil until I am able to actually sit or bend in order to wash my hair. Have a Good Wednesday evening everyone! #lovesalads #lovepanera #healthysalads #selfcare #tryingtoheal #healthyhair #monat #healthyhair #vegan #rejuveniqeoil #hairaddiction https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt0CjM_B8sa/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19i276kkx2zoq

[iknowherwell]

2am thoughts are unreal I can't sleep I'm really just angry how do you not care at all what happen between us and just try working through the bull shit you had to face alone and all at once hit you in the face like a train and you don't take it well as you thought but you try anyways, I offer a helping hand and get nothing back yes you will struggle but not alone. Why couldn't you fight for us like I'm fighting for us and you knew very well what you were doing and yet I get nothing back..All I have are memories of you and it has been 4 weeks and I can't be alone with my thoughts and I know I have to be patient. But this sucks!

[mistykj]

It's been a month now and, to say I'm still hurting from your loss is an understatement. I miss you so much. I feel my pain is heightened because you are not here to help me. I am beyond super depressed and don't care about doing anything. All I see is Cocker Spaniels on everything. It kills me. I am such a tenderhearted person the loss is overwhelming me. I really don't think anyone understands in my family how much I need a dog. For my mental health . I just want you back. This is beyond the hardest thing for me. *Praying for someone to just drop a cocker spaniel at my door.* Not to replace my beautiful girl @daiziedukejohnson but to heal. I'm just in so much emotional pain from your loss it's not the same without you here. #GoneWayToDamnEarly🐾😭🐕 #CockerDaSpanielGirl #MyBestFriend🐾🌼🌈 #MyDaizieMaizie🐾🌈 #CockerSpaniel #TryingToHeal😭 https://www.instagram.com/p/CIaYRirpxRg/?igshid=o0mdgq73ghfi

[qualifiedaquarian]

#tryingtoheal

[justhavetorant]

Why

It’s been almost half a year since I’ve seen you in person. I thought moving to the other side of Lake Michigan would make me forget you. That distance would be good. Helpful.

It wasn’t.

It seems like as soon as I moved out, she moved in. Even though you had been seeing her for about a month at that point, I didn’t know that. You were always so private. How was I supposed to know?

How did I ever feel like I knew you.

But then you were tagged in a photo on facebook. One of your master’s cohort friends who likes to document everything. You invited HER to your annual get-together with your master’s friends.

I think I knew then SHE was staying around.

I don’t know anything about this girl. I’m sure she has a fine personality. I only know her online persona. She seems vapid. She seems fake. Her teeth are too white and her hair color isn’t natural. She posts so many selfies. And who the fuck wears pinky rings in 2019?

But it’s been 5 months.

You’re officially in a relationship with her. You smile wide in every photo. You dress up. You wine and dine her even though with me you were always pretty stingy. Heard through the grapevine that you have been since September.

You still send me snapchats. Never facebook notifications. Never texts. Nothing but SnapChat texts which flow away after 24 hours. SnapChat texts that you don’t respond to for days at a time. You never remember what we were talking about. You sometimes leave me on read.

You’re playing with my heart and I think you know it. But you won’t stop it.

 I know you’re what we would call a “fuck boi.”

Too bad we never even got to fuck.

Now everyday I’m kicking myself for agreeing for us to be “friends.” I’m kicking myself that I ever told you I had feelings for you. I was so naïve that I thought you might too.

You chose a 22 year-old. You, a 27 year-old, chose a 22 year-old.

I know you’re immature. I know I intimidate you. I know I’m not as attractive as the one you did choose. But why lead me on like you did? Like you continue to do?

Why?

We’re at an impasse now. With every happy couples pic she posts, I’m out. With every left on read snap, I’m out. With every hopeful comment you send my way, I know I need to fight.

I’m not talking to you anymore. You make me feel worse about myself and I don’t need that.I’m just so tired of being sad and stuck in the past while you moved on immediately.

You didn’t. even. pause.

I’m tired of asking why. So instead….goodbye.