#fearful avoidant attachment

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

avoidant culture is feeling far more comfortable yearning for fictional people that don't exist because i never actually have to get close to them. i can just write alone and feel comfortable never divulging anything

.

[neurantics-theythem]

Turns out, I had no idea how much I fear love until someone presented me with the real thing

[tarnishedflatware]

When my boyfriend apologizes for not texting me back but it was lowk the highlight of my day

[therapeutic007]

'' It’s not about changing who you are; it’s about embracing who you are while creating space for connection ''.

1. Dismissive-Avoidant

"It’s okay to lean in—strength is not about never needing anyone; it’s about knowing when to let others in."

"Your independence is your superpower, but connection is what makes it meaningful. Balance is where growth happens."

2. Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized Attachment)

"Your past does not define your capacity for love or trust. Healing happens one safe step at a time."

"You can hold fear and love at the same time—it's brave to try, even if it feels uncertain."

3. Avoidant-Restrictive

"It’s okay to let yourself be seen. Vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s a doorway to deeper connection."

"You deserve a love that feels free and expansive, not confining or overwhelming."

4. Anxious-Avoidant

"You don’t have to choose between safety and closeness—healthy love offers both."

"You’re allowed to take things slow. Trust is built one moment, one step at a time." ________________ A Helpful Workbook on amazon to Work on Yourself :

The Fearful Avoidant Attachment

[wellhelloimstillalive]

"I can’t stand being loved. leave me, leave me, leave me."

Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run // Mitski, First Love / Late Spring // Black Sea Dahu, Rhizome

[tarnishedflatware66]

Whats with men and faking their entire personality the whole talking stage

[undirectedenergy]

My partner, the secure one, is confusing me again. He like doesn't understand my pervasive fear of people? Like he genuinely thinks most people are good. Part of me is attracted to that extreme naivety, but another part is like disgusted by it. I'm trying to recognize that technically my view is the "pathological" one, but like... I mean it's been my life experience so wtf do you want from me?

I guess maybe it just shows like a lack of autism lol he didn't have a great childhood either so I don't think it's just that he's only been around good people, but ??????? It just feels very illogical and optimistic, how the fuck is that the "normal" perspective?

[dominicacreates]

Some of the things I've been learning to help me grow from being a fearful avoidant attacher to being more secure.

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Fearful vs Dismissive: Inner experience

Something I'd like to discuss surrounding being avoidant is the inner motivations, thoughts and feelings and how they're easily misinterpreted by others, because on the outside they look the same.

I see a lot of posts saying that avoidants do want love but are panicked by it. And whilst this is true for fearful avoidants, it isn't usually for dismissives.

Fearful avoidants generally do, on a level usually known to themselves, seek out comfort, love and vulnerability. They want to be seen and cared for, but they're avoidant because when they do recieve these things, they either become very panicked or are disgusted by it (which is a demonstration of a spectrum, a fearful avoidant who is disgusted may have dismissive traits), so they aren't comfortable in either variable; being alone or in being seen. Both are unpleasant.

Dismissives tend to have it easier emotionally. They very very rarely want vulnerability and care to be exercised, and when they do it's often a subconscious human need, not one they will be aware of; suppressed. When dismissive avoidants are put in situations that they percieve as emotionally vulnerable, they will usually shut down and become numb, angry or, well, dismissive. Including towards other people's vulnerability and struggles, as they often process it as manipulative or too dependent. Dismissives, unlike fearfuls, will barely ever seek out vulnerability except on a surface level, which is why they often end up in situationships and love bombing cycles (both as the perpetrator and the victim). They are very comfortable in being alone and whilst they may occassionally think "having x would be nice", it's never preferable or equal to the safety of isolation and emotional distance.

Having an avoidant attachment style is a spectrum. You won't always fit clearly into dismissive or fearful, you may be mostly dismissive but have moments of fearful and so on, but patterns and distinctions do emerge.

Most dismissive avoidants would hate to be mistaken as fearful, as that would imply they have a secret vulnerability and risk people pushing this on them in order to help. And most fearful avoidants would hate to be mistaken as dismissive, because they crave connection and understanding and if people were to assume they didn't want those things, it would simply be another form of going unseen.

I'm a dismissive avoidant, possibly the hardest to romanticise. Its a lot easier for securely and anxiously attached people to imagine that I'm fearful, that I do want to be vulnerable and emotional but am too scared to do it. Because that makes it easier to explain as a struggle, and less relational to them. I imagine its quite painful and difficult to come to terms with the idea that I am simply more comfortable on my own than with others, as inhuman as that is. This is why I see very little content on the dismissive avoidant attachment style, and what I do see is demonised or lumped in with/mistaken for fearful.

TLDR:

Fearful avoidants

Want to be vulnerable, seen, cared for and loved.

Cannot cope when this is recieved.

Mix of avoidant and anxious.

Uncomfortable in being alone and being with others.

Dismissive avoidants

Do not want to be vulnerable, seen, cared for or loved.

Cannot cope when this is recieved.

Far end of the avoidant spectrum.

Comfortable being alone, uncomfortable with others.

Yes, you can be a mix.

[neurantics-theythem]

Omg wut. This makes too much sense 😭😭😭

Disorganized (aka fearful-avoidant) attachment style is overanalyzing/overcorrecting when you think your partner might be pulling away from you, but then pulling away from them when they draw close to you.

It is both craving AND fearing intimacy so deeply that you grip people tight in your hands lest they leave you, but keep them at an arms length lest they love you.

[tarnishedflatware]

[therapeutic007]

🌟 Healing from avoidant attachment just got easier! 🌟

If you’ve ever felt disconnected, struggled with emotional intimacy, or found yourself pulling away when things get too close, the "Avoidant Attachment Workbook" by Dario Jeyco is here to help you break the cycle and build healthier relationships. 💙

This isn’t just a book—it’s a step-by-step guide packed with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) worksheets designed to help you:

Understand your attachment style and how it impacts your relationships.

Identify triggers that make you want to retreat or shut down.

Challenge unhelpful thoughts and replace them with healthier patterns.

Practice vulnerability and self-compassion in a safe, structured way.

Build emotional resilience and create deeper, more secure connections.

Whether you’re new to attachment theory or have been working on your healing journey for a while, this workbook is a must-have tool for growth. It’s practical, compassionate, and filled with exercises that make self-reflection feel empowering instead of overwhelming.

🌈 Why you’ll love it:

Easy-to-follow CBT techniques that actually work.

Thoughtful prompts and exercises to guide your healing.

A safe space to explore your emotions and patterns.

Perfect for solo work or alongside therapy.

📚 Ready to transform your relationships and reconnect with yourself? Grab your copy here: Avoidant Attachment Workbook on Amazon

[tarnishedflatware66]

Men will litteraly destroy your perception of them and love itself as a concept and then send you a reel like nothing happened.

[baddogmari]

i just want to stop feeling like a bad person for literally everything

[phosphenemoth]

I'm so tired of hurting myself and everyone else in the act of trying to avoid hurting myself and everyone else.

[its-simply-just-krys]

i fear relationships and yet i want to be loved.