a-realm-of-thoughts - Tumblr blog

[a-realm-of-thoughts]

Vent from 10-7-23

Being an artist…sucks sometimes, I want to post here but I’m scared, I’m scared of judgment, scared of being inspired or scared I accidentally copied off someone even if I didn’t have the intention to…

I’m scared of others copying or gaining inspiration off something I’ve been putting together for years, no matter how many disclaimers or credits I put towards myself I just…want something to myself without anyone taking it away from me or ruining it…my stuff is very..very important to me because it pertains to a project I also plan releasing some time in the future, but I want to start off somewhere that’s comfortable for me and I want to protect it, like it’s my child I take care of.

Unfortunately I’ve been held back, for a year now. A whole of year work being held back over things that have affected me severely.

[a-realm-of-thoughts]

Vent from 10-31-23

"I see my failures in your eyes"

A lyric from “Masterpiece” by Motionless In White

Failure...A feeling that can tear one down with no remorse...

A feeling I feel towards myself and others, something within me I can visualize even by staring into a mirror. It sucks but there's so much shit in my mind I want to say towards others and how I've felt for so long.

I don't know how to feel about anything anymore, what to do. Its just a mix of anxiety, anger and negative thoughts filling my mind on a daily basis, tearing me down with the little support that's there but even then its stressful on that side as well...making me feel worse for putting others in that situation..

If only I could just tell others how I truly feel about this wave of fucking pressure so it could get off my shoulder's and give me some sort of hope..

Would it truly though, give hope..? What if everything goes wrong yet again and I fall back to how it all started?

[a-realm-of-thoughts]

Thoughts. From 11/8/2023

"Run, Run for your life"

Thoughts that came up while listening to "Get Out Alive" by Three Days Grace

Running....right, as if its so easy going down that mental path that's destined to make me constantly fall in a dark and cold area. One seemingly inescapable...

Wanting to reach the end of the path to some hope of light, but then something else triggered. It wasn't the light of hope, but the eyes of a beast full of what brings the negative drive towards insanity coming to chase me down and tear me apart once more.

"Don't hide your mistakes cause they'll find you...burn you"

Mistakes are the same as failure, tears one apart with no fucking remorse...

I've felt like I've made so many, ones I can't get rid of. I feel like a mistake, like I wasn't meant to be on this forsaken planet.