a-southern-reader

[a-southern-reader]

When I finished watching season 1 of “Frieren Beyond Journey’s End” I was thinking to myself that I couldn’t comprehend living like an elf that has a much longer lifespan than all my friends. Now I realize that I and most people actually do that with one of their closest friends that always love them and never judges them.

Why!!!!!?

In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune: You should be afraid of me. I can draw you pregnant!! Twins, triplets, quintuples, and to go even further beyond. AGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Artist VS Author

Blake: (Author) I said, "draw Ms. Blake with MORE sex appeal!" You call THIS sexy?!

Jaune: (Artist) Oh, what the hell do YOU know about sex appeal?!

Blake: Excuse me?

Jaune: You think just because a girl shows a little cleavage, that's enough to be considered "sexy"? You're clearly the amateur here, especially since you're obviously basing this character on you!

Jaune: Your stare is empty and piercing! You have eye bags under your eye bags! And your lip gloss doesn't work if you're always scowling!

Blake: (Winces)

Jaune: Hmph! Face it; you don't know sex appeal.

Blake: ...I'll pretend you didn't say that. Now make the changes I asked for and-

Jaune: NO.

Blake: ...Fine. PLEASE fix your mistake-

Jaune: NO.

Blake: Oh, so you're going to disobey your boss?!

Jaune: Only when she's trying to bait low-brow perverts! Ms. Black would never stoop that low!

Blake: FINE! If you won't do what I say, then enjoy reading a spicy erotica about YOU getting gangbanged by five ALPHA Beowolves!

Jaune: AHAHAHA! Be careful~! I can draw you PREGNANT, you know!

--------------------------------------------------

1 HOUR LATER...

Jaune: (Reading spice)

Blake: (Looking at her preg-pic)

Jaune/Blake: (Thinking) She/He actually wrote/drew...

Blake/Jaune: ...SOMETHING SUPER HOT~!

[a-southern-reader]

Weiss gets into bed with Jaune and once she settles in Jaune moves closer and cuddles with her.

Jaune: So Weiss, you want to do it?

Weiss: Jaune I’m really tired, I kinda don’t want to do it now.

Jaune: Weiss I’m tired too, but you know I’m can’t fall asleep unless we do it.

Weiss: You’re going to bother me until I cave in right?

Jaune: Yes. Kisses her shoulder to act cute

Weiss: Fine.

She grabs his pillow and flips it over to the cold side. Once that happens she uses her time glyph on it so time slows down on it. With that the pillow will stay super cool throughout the night.

Jaune: I love you.

Weiss: You know how to make it up to me?

Jaune: Zzzzzzzzzz.

Weiss: You adorable, sweet, gentle heart, sexy, well hung himbo. You’re lucky I love you, but if I don’t wake up tomorrow with your dick lying across my face, no more cold side of the pillow for you.

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune grabs his scroll and pushes the emergency button that calls all their friends.

Jaune: Guys it’s happening right now! This is not a drill!

Ruby: I can’t believe Salem somehow return.

Yang: We beat her before and we can do it again.

Jaune: What are you guys talking about!? Weiss is giving birth now!

Nora: You heard the man! Everyone grab your hospital bags, this is what Jaune has been training us for!!!

It's Here

Weiss: *Very pregnant* I'll go fetch the tea.

Jaune: Let me do it.

Weiss: No no, I need to move around a little. I'm doing so much sitting down I think my joints are going to lock up if they don't get any use.

Jaune: Okay, just be careful.

Weiss: I will...

...

...

CRASH!!!

Jaune: Weiss! Are you okay?

Weiss: *Leaning against the counter* I-I think it's coming.

Jaune: The tea?

Weiss: No, my sweet, darling, loving husband.

Weiss: *Deep breath*

Weiss: THE BABY!!!

[a-southern-reader]

Returning the Favor

Jaune and Neo are at a different restaurant and their food arrived. Neo got a burger, with no pickles, and Jaune got a chicken sandwich.

Neo: Is that what you ordered?

Jaune: I thought I ordered the wings.

Neo: No you did ordered the wings.

Jaune: It’s okay.

Neo: Excuse me you got his order wrong.

Worker: No I’m pretty sure he ordered the chicken sandwich.

Jaune: Oh wait you’re right. I did order the chicken sandwich.

Neo grabs the waiter by the collar and drags him back into the kitchen.

Neo: This man is too nice to call you a liar. Now you’re going to make his order again and make it right.

Worker begins to redo Jaune’s order.

Neo: There you go. Make it with love, lots of love.

I won't forget this

Neo and Jaune go out to eat together to strengthen their alliance. Jaune took her to his favorite burger place. They both decided what to eat, but when the order arrived,

Neo: *Looking at her burger* " They got pickles on🫤"

Jaune: *Smiling* They do.

Neo: "What if I don't like pickles?😒"

Jaune: Just tell them no to put them.

Neo: "But I already received my order😑"

Jaune: My don't have pickles. Let's trade. *He says with a smile*

Neo: "You would do this for me?🤨"

Jaune: Absolutely

Neo:...

Neo:...

Neo: "If you have enemies that needs taking care of, you come to me"

[a-southern-reader]

As a southern sometimes I’m made fun of my accent from outsiders, because to them I sound like the stereotypical uneducated white redneck. But sometimes I get these rare interactions that just warm my heart.

Weiss: ‘Ugh I can’t believe that Beacon will allow these uncultured countryside hicks to attend their academy. I can’t imagine one admirable thing about them.’

Weiss is about to walk into a building but a man opens a door for her.

Jaune(with a thick southern accent): “Let me get that for you ma’am.”

Weiss(blushing a little bit): “M-ma’am?”

Jaune: “Oh I’m sorry, that’s not supposed to be an insult, it’s a term of respect where I’m from. I normally say darling but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Weiss(blushing even more): “I’m fine with both. Where are you from, that’s a beautiful accent you got there.”

[a-southern-reader]

Team RWBY and JNPR are in Beacon’s gym working out. Yang walks over to Jaune and Pyrrha who are training on a punching bag.

Yang: Hey guys, what workout are y’all doing?

Jaune: It’s a new workout Pyrrha made for me. I don’t fully understand it, but she’s my fitness trainer.

Jaune proceeds to slap the punching bag at perfect butt level height repeatedly.

Yang(whispering): P-money, I don’t know if I should be proud of you, or concerned.

Pyrrha: I’m thinking maybe you should add this to your workout routine, look.

She points Yang towards Blake who’s biting her lip while watching Jaune slapping the punching bag and causing the fabric to ripple.

[a-southern-reader]

Weiss: Do you ever wish Jaune was like the morally gray shadow daddies in your books?

Blake: No.

Weiss: Not even once?

Blake: Not once.

Weiss: I find that hard to believe.

Blake: Look, the morally gray shadow daddy is not going to reassure me that, yes he still loves me, 97 times a day.

Weiss: How insecure are you?

Blake: Very.

Weiss: Okay, but you’ve never wished that he was like a tattooed alpha male?

Blake: Is this alpha male going to wash the dishes every night and watch videos so we can learn to properly clean our bathroom?

Weiss: There’s men who do that!?

Blake: At least one.

Weiss: Okay, that’s pretty cool. But still…

Blake: I will keep my blonde floof made for love!!!

[a-southern-reader]

Spanish Colonial History: Where’s the City of Gold!!? Sure we already found tons of gold, but that just means there has to be a city of gold. Also we keep on finding this stuff called platinum, it’s not gold or silver so we’re going to dump it in the ocean.

[a-southern-reader]

I’m just realizing something. The toughest and baddest boss from the last game wasn’t mentioned. What about Rick the Door Technician!!? He was surprise nobody expected!

Now it's time for Jedi Survivor.

[a-southern-reader]

I hope they bring back Nomad of Nowhere!! It was so good, then for some reason they put it on hiatus in the middle of the season. Once they brought it back and finished the season everyone was hyped and said they wanted more, and guess what they did. Nothing!!!

Please bring back and revive Nomad of Nowhere!!

Yo…

Is this for real?

[a-southern-reader]

Ozpin thought it was a good idea to provide a therapist for Beacon’s students due to the physical and mental challenges they face. Right now Jaune is lying on the couch for his session.

Therapist: “Now how would you describe your teammate Pyrrha?”

Jaune: “She is so cool! She’s a 6ft muscle mommy who bathes herself in milk, honey, and twinks like myself. What’s not to love!? Oh I’m sorry, is this an insensitive time to thirst over muscular women? Trick question! A time like that doesn’t exist.”

[a-southern-reader]

TV Announcer: His crimes listed are shoplifting, pug smuggling, first degree… llamacide?”

Qrow: “That llama knew too much.”

[a-southern-reader]

Winter: “You’re under arrest for attempting to carry three people on a single motorcycle.”

Yang: “Damn, wait. Did you say three?”

Winter: “Yes, three.”

Weiss: “Oh my gosh.”

Blake: “Ruby fell off!”

Ruby sitting in the middle of the road for the past hour

Ruby: “They’ll be back. Any minute now they’ll notice I’m gone.”

[a-southern-reader]

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune: “Y’all are going to have to wait. I’m already treating a patient.”

Yang: “Come on, does your patient even have a serious injury like us?”

Nora just shows her broken arm after bare knuckles fight a group Ursas.

[a-southern-reader]

Jaune finally grew a beard, but he thought it didn’t look good on him so he decided to shave it. Weiss just so happened to walk into his dorm while he was shaving.

Weiss (crying): “No, your beauty is being destroyed!”

Jaune got it all off and turned around to show Weiss

Jaune: “So Weiss, how do I look?”

Weiss: “Like the devil!”