addictedapple

[addictedapple]

Dick, tired after another session of being bullied by his own siblings: God, do we even have someone in this family who is accepting?

Tim: Well, not me and Steph, obviously

Damian: I am not in this particular competition. Perhaps Cain?

Stephanie, scoffing: Absolutely not my beautiful Cass. She judges you hard every day in my dms.

Dick, hopeful: Duke?

Damian, who had been shit-talking about others with Duke for a year now: You have a wrong idea in mind, Grayson.

Cassandra, appearing out of nowhere: Jason.

Tim, instantly protesting: No! He is like, professional hater.

Cassandra, shrugging: Does he hate things? Yes. Does he judge? No. Try admitting the most different things to him — you will see.

Everyone: ...

Everyone: On it.

Tim, eying at Jason, who sits in the Batcave during one of the missions: Jason?

Jason: Mhm?

Tim: Urgh... I fucked up. Forgot about Bart's birthday.

Jason: Okay? Just aplogise and gift him stuff.

Tim: ...Okay, wtf, since when you are so understanding?

Jason: Wtf?

Duke: Urgh, Jason?

Jason: What?

Duke: I got in the fight in school.

Jason: Well, you clearly won?

Duke: Yeah, sure.

Jason: Cool. Have fun dealing with the aftermath.

Duke: ...

Duke: ...Thanks?

Stephanie: I eat pineapple pizza and coat my watermelon with Nutella.

Jason:

Jason: ...Okay? Bon appetite?

Stephanie: !!!

Damian: I probably killed someone by the accident.

Jason: Aha. Is that a request for my cleaning services or just an information to keep in mind?

Damian: ...Second one.

Jason: Ok. Have fun.

Dick, a week after: Man, okay, you are clearly not high, I checked. What is the secret of such an angelic level of acceptance while being a hater????

Jason: I follow the Idk+Idc rule. I don't know and I don't care.

Dick: But don't you feel outrageous? At least sometimes? LIKE, MAN, WATERMELON AND NUTELLA?

Jason: I don't know. I don't care.

Jason, after a beat of silence: Unless it is Bruce. Him, I judge.

Dick: ...Of course.

[addictedapple]

i really want there to be a future interaction after jason is publically revived and all the kids are grown up where people keep trying to ask about bruce’s children and their lives and he just. struggles.

bruce: ah yes, i’m so proud of my sons,

bruce: dick works in police enforcement, tim is CEO of a company, and now damian’s become a doctor!

person at a gala: they’re all so accomplished! and what’s jason been up to?

bruce:

bruce, abruptly remembering that jason’s entire job is being a criminal:

bruce: jason… is…

jason, walking by with an entire platter of shrimp that he just wrestled from the hands of a terrified server in one hand and the beer keg from under the bar that he just stole in the other: jason’s fucking LIVING. IT. UP.

bruce and his friend, watching him go:

bruce:

bruce: we’re just happy he’s here.

[addictedapple]

On some level I am always thinking about him

[addictedapple]

You’ve heard of girl-dinner. You may have even heard of girl-lunch. But I would like to introduce you to… ✨girl-breakfast✨

Me with a hunk of cheese: Breakfast.

Me with a handful of almonds: Breakfast.

Me with six loose corn chips: Breakfast.

Me with a slice of toast: ??? …A snack, I guess??

[addictedapple]

And Jason comes away from that conversation 90% sure that this is some weird prank that Dick is trying to pull on him, because there’s just no way.

But he does start inviting Tim to hang out more, because there’s still a 10% chance that Dick was telling the truth. So just in case, he gives Tim more attention. Just in case.

i need more hero worship between tim and jason. tim thinking that jason’s entire deal is just so fucking cool. like he was robin, he died, came back to life, got dunked in the lazarus pit and learned to control the pit rage, got magic swords, and is now a scary ass legendary crime lord that runs crime alley and protects all of its people WHILE consistently pissing bruce off every night. tim thinks jason is AWESOME, and he cannot beLIEVE that he gets to hang out with him.

jason on the other hand has no idea tim thinks he’s cool. jason considers himself to be a violent nerd, the ‘dumber’ section of his and dick’s ‘dumb and dumber’ childhood duo. he’s an introverted asshole who actively beat this kid UP once, not to mention his only other experience with little brothers is fucking DAMIAN, who although the kid clearly loves and respects him in his own weird little way, would rather chew off his own hand than admit anything about jason was in any way cool. the idea that tim would look up to him? laughable. he has no idea why this kid keeps trying to follow him on patrol or come up with excuses to hang out together, and honestly the starry eyes he keeps getting from time to time kinda scare him. like what does that mean. why does he do that.

dick finds it fucking hysterical. he knows jason is tim’s personal hero and even better he knows full well that jason would literally never even consider tim respecting him as a possibility. he watches tim eagerly ask every batfamily meeting if ‘jason’s gonna come?’ and when jason arrives, jump around him during debriefs like a puppy trying to convince an old dog to come play, and jason is always just stood there with the most fucking confused look on his face-

eventually he cant take it and has to pull jason aside.

dick: he just looks up to you, man. give him a little attention!

jason: looks up to… me?

dick: yeah, you’re his hero

jason: two weeks ago i was drinking tea through a gap in the mouth section of the helmet and i watched you smack into a lamppost, and i laughed so hard that i snorted the tea out my nostrils and into the rest of the helmet and almost drowned myself.

dick:

jason: he was there for that dick. he saw it. and you think he considers me a hero?

dick: look i dont understand it either just let him tag along ok-

[addictedapple]

Tim and Bruce getting into an argument bcs Tim demands to be independent and NOT get involved in the mess of being a legal part of the Wayne family, and Bruce being final on the fact that Tim is FIFTEEN and needs a legal guardian. out of spite Tim asks the person he thinks Bruce would approve of as a guardian the least to sign some guardian papers.

Tim: you don’t have to do anything parental i just REALLY wanna make Batman mad and i get the sense that our wishes align on that specific aspect so if you could just sign here for shits and giggles-

Red Hood:

Red Hood, rapidly changing his plans on how to deal with getting revenge on Bruce because his replacement is actually kinda hysterical: if we’re doing this we’re fucking doing it right, kid

Bruce shows up to Tim’s next parent teacher conference because hey just because he’s being given the silent treatment over this whole adoption thing doesn’t mean he’s going to slack off on his parental duties, only to freeze in the doorway because Tim Drake-Hood is stood there with his shiny new CRIME LORD LEGAL GUARDIAN giving him the most SHIT EATING GRIN POSSIBLE, and he almost has a panic attack on the spot.

Jason’s really getting into this whole caretaker thing. he’s doing school runs, delivering home cooked meals to Drake manor, helping with homework, this was his fucking CALLING. Tim is having the time of his life because him and Hood actually get along really well, but then he realises two weeks in that it turns out Hood is actually Jason fucking Todd, and he has to deal with the existential crisis of causing the very thing he was trying to stop because he is now technically a legal child of the Wayne family.

out of embarrassment for the fact that he failed and amazement at the fact that he’s bonding so well with Bruce’s dead kid and his own childhood hero (who is now a badass crime lord that lets him call for advice about english assignments while organising drug runs and picks up batburger on his way home from weapon shipments, seriously what more could Tim want in a parent), Tim somehow becomes even more invested in hiding Red Hood’s identity than Jason is.

Bruce has just been in a constant state of panic for the past three months and he doesn’t know what to fucking do. Dick was concerned for Tim up until he demanded to have dinner with him and his new ‘guardian’ to vet the guy and Jason, who stopped caring about his identity when he realised how much being a working dad agrees with his mental health and is only actively keeping his identity from Bruce for Tim’s pride’s sake, takes off his helmet to eat and Dick stares at him frozen for fifteen minutes across the table before finally pointing at the two and saying ‘you know what? he didn’t even tell me Jason was dead until after the funeral. whatever the fuck’s going on here? he has it coming. proceed.’

[addictedapple]

Low-key need more Jason, who is writing death metaphors for the laughter instead of the casual "LMAO/LOL", which clearly makes certain family members uncomfortable.

Dick: *sends a video of Bruce tripping on his own cloak by the accident in the family chat* Jason: I AM EXPLODING Tim: ...You sure did, buddy. Bruce: *-*

Jason, messaging with a link to the funny article about Bruceman: CROWBAR-ED Dick, one step from crying: Jason-

Damian and Tim: *bickering in the groupchat* Jason: Stopp, I am going to choke on my blood Bruce, remembering the batarang incident: Jason, can we talk-

[addictedapple]

Heyo! Just wanted to let you know I love your college student Jason fic. Absolute banger of a story

Omg, thank you! I love your secret Robin AU! It is precious ❤️

[addictedapple]

This is why I love the Jason Todd fandom ❤️

AU where Jason gets over his theatre-kid need for dramatics and heat never reveals his identity to the batfam. In fact, he HIDES his identity so well that no one ever finds it out. It’s been years since Red Hood popped up and at this point he’s an unofficial vigilante with crime lord tendencies than anything else

then people start getting suspect . . . But not the right thing

Red hood: *sitting, legs crossed, on a roof ledge* scare me and make me drop my book and l don’t care if you helped me with Penguin last night, I’ll throw you off this roof and I won’t give a shit Nightwing: *slowly jacks away* um. What book? Red hood: pride and prejudice. Nightwing: pride and . . . You know, my brother liked that book. Red hood: I know he did Nightwing:

Damian: *feeling uncertain with his title as Robin* Red Hood: you know, a wise kid once said Robin is magic Batman: *eyes narrow* what kid? Red Hood: eh, just someone I used to know Batman:

Spoiler: so why did ya decide to protect the alley? Red Hood: I lived there as a kid. I . . . Uh, it just means a lot to me. Spoiler: *frowning* I assumed you’d lived there. Red Hood: yeah it um . . . *thinking of Bruce* I met someone important there. He changed my life. And when . . . I, uh, lost him, I decided to clean it up. Spoiler:

Later, in the bat cave:

Spoiler: so Red Hood . . . Batman: *gravely* dated Jason. Nightwing: but he was only fifteen! Robin: *crossing his arms* people date at fifteen, Richard. Red Robin: . . . The crime lord dated the second Robin. Batman: I’m going to kill him. Nightwing: wait, no! You can’t! Jason wouldn’t have wanted it! Black Bat: he’s family. Spoiler: *jazz hands* NEW BROTHER

Red Hood: *listening in through their comms* what the fuck

[addictedapple]

Jason would adopt a kid (or a kid would adopt Jason, let’s be real) and he would never outright tell anyone. It would be up to everyone ELSE to find out. Whether that be by accident or by suspicious snooping

Jason: hey guys, im gong to the store. anyone want anything? tim: uh some granola bars for patrol would be great. what are you going to the store for? jason: *non-chalantly* a night light tim: tim: are you . . . afraid of the dark? jason: no tim:

jason: *yanking a super sugary cereal out of dick's hands* that stunts growth and development dick: dick: i am,,,,, fully rown and developed?????? jason: well then you're setting a bad example for young and impressionable children dick: damian????????? jason: no dick: then who?????

cassandra: would you like to come to my ballet recital? everyone else is busy. jason: umm . . . can i bring a plus one? cassandra: sure. who? jason: my daughter cassandra: awww that's a great idea! later: cassandra: wait. you don't have a daughter. jason: yes i do? cassandra: okay then. *promptly never mentions it to anyone else*

steph: *visiting jason* uh . . . dude jason: *wearing a "my dad jokes are the price of my cooking" apron and cooking while holding a child on his hip* yea? steph: steph: what the FU- jason: LANGUAGE steph: -DGE

bruce: jason has been acting off. i need the two of you to tail him tonight and report back to me. stephanie: no. bruce: what do you mean no? duke: i wouldn't willingly tail jason todd if you told me you would pay for my college bruce: im already going to pay for your college duke: exactly. and i'm gonna to need my life to make use of that fact. so im not going to tail the murderous crime lord turned vigilante. no way. bruce: something's wrong, i'm telling you two. stephanie, who has alrady met her niece and is the first aunt to have been named: ask someone else dude. idk what else t' tell ya

bruce: tim, something's wrong with jason tim, who found out through steph the day previous and has since met his niece as well: he got a girl bruce: *wide-eyed* he has a girlfriend???? tim: that's not-- you know what, sure

[addictedapple]

I love everything about this.

Little Jason is so cute. His adorable little face. His adorable leaning back stance like he just froze mid-walk to stare. The fact that the room he pauses to stare at looks like the library.

Bless you, artist. You have a beautiful brain and amazing talent.

jason exploring the manor

[addictedapple]

This is very funny. OP, you are very funny.

Bruce: Jason, meet my other son. Your . . . brother. Dick: *grinning* hey, kiddo! you can call me Dick jason: *frowning* why the fuck would i do that? i ain't lookin' t' be unadopted in a day dick: bruce: alfred: language, master jason

[addictedapple]

Summary

“This definitely isn’t my universe,” Jason said blankly.

“What the fuck?” Alternate-Jason asked, his crassness clashing with his neat business attire.

“Language, Jason,” Martha Wayne chided with a fond smile.

“Sorry, ma’am.”

—

Or… Jason Todd discovers that he can travel through the multiverse (on top of his usual weirdness, ie, immortality) and chaos ensues.

Tags

At long last, I have begun posting my new fic!

(Expect weekly updates)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63187090/chapters/161832037

[addictedapple]

At long last, I have begun posting my new fic!

(Expect weekly updates)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63187090/chapters/161832037

[addictedapple]

Damian getting pissed off at Bruce shortly after coming to the manor and in a fit of childish anger yells ‘you can’t tell me what to do, YOU AREN’T MY FATHER!’

what he meant was in an emotional sense, because he didn’t know the man for the first decade of his life, but paranoid-Bruce-Wayne immediately starts to wonder if Talia’s fucking with him in some way. Damian, still pissed off and wanting to make Bruce suffer in any way he can, takes all the information he has at his disposal regarding his mother and father and decides in a brilliant moment of childish stupidity to do this:

Damian: no, you are not my father. but being as my biological father trained under you, mother decided you would still be the best option to guide me.

Bruce, eyeing Dick: i TRAINED your father?

Dick, incredulously: I DIDN’T-!?!

Damian: No. Jason Todd however, after he was revived via Lazarus Pit, did.

Bruce:

Dick:

Tim, quietly from the sidelines, popcorn in hand: holy shit…

~later~

Damian, climbing through the window of Jason’s safe house: Ahki! three things. one, i told father, Grayson, and Drake that you are alive-

Jason, sat with a mouthful of pasta: wh-

Damian: -two, i told them your identity as the Red Hood, and three, i told them you are my biological father.

Jason:

Jason:

Jason: why would you-

Damian: i was mad and impulsive.

Jason:

Jason, taking a deep breath: well that tracks if we’re pretending you’re my kid.

Damian: i knew i could count on you.

Jason: to freak those idiots out? always.

[addictedapple]

Oh god, the idea of Bruce doing his ‘Jason was reckless and didn’t follow orders and that’s why he died’ speech in front of Jason hurts. No wonder Jason pushed him down the stairs.

Jason, being a semi-canonic common hallucination in the family after his death, could lead to the stupidest AU ever.

Imagine everyone seeing him — Bruce, half of the time, Dick non-stop, Tim more often than not, and eventually even Alfred starts seeing little boy's silhouette in the corner of his eye, but he never admits it, because someone needs to stay sane in this family.

It is a lot like real-life cases when cult families start to see collective hallucination, and it somehow syncronises in their minds, so they hear and see the same things, you know?

So, yeah, everyone sees Jaybin around.

Everyone but Damian. Damian is a normal one. He also knows his Akhi is alive and well, so whatever. And it takes him some time to figure out that his family is bat-shit insane, but when he does, he decides to use it on his advantage.

Damian, calling Jason: Akhi, you should visit me. It is getting awfully boring here.

Jason, frowning: You know I can't. They think I am dead, and I can't risk my plan, especially now, when Red Hood is gaining-

Damian: We will pretend you are a hallucination.

Jason: ...What?

Damian: So, there is a plan...

So, a few days after this call, Jason arrives at the Wayne Manor. He still thinks his brother's plan sucks, but gaslighting is one of his many talents, so surely, they will figure something out. He can lie his way through this meeting.

Expect, he doesn't even need to lie. His family is actually insane.

Bruce, bumping in Jason:

Jason, staring back: Uh-

Bruce: Wow. You look so grown-up. And we look so alike. Nice one, brain.

Jason: ?..

Tim, leaving his room: Hi, B, hi- Oh, damn. Hi, Jaybin. Nice leather jacket.

Bruce: Right? I guess his ghost just grows up with us now.

Jason: ????

Alfred, nodding along, out of nowhere: Master Dick will hate it. He looks taller now.

All of them: (peacefully leave the room)

Jason: What. The. Fuck.

Jason waits for the moment of clarity to happen as he chats with Damian in the kitchen, but... nothing changes. They really, really think he is a hallucination. So... he starts hanging out around more. Both because Damian is getting angsty, and because it is kinda... amusing.

Tim, stuck on the same case for a few nights, non-stop: Oh, it is really just me and you in this, Jason.

Jason, playing Mario Cart on the table by his side: Maybe take a nap, dude.

Tim: No, I need to figure out this case with-

Jason, rolling his eyes: Red Hood had already dealt with it. Go to sleep.

Tim: ...You are such a good self-care kind of hallucination.

Jason: ...

Damian: Your bets, when will they realise that you are a real person?

Jason: At this point, I am not sure that they will, even if I start screaming that I am real.

Damian: Fair. I bet a year would do.

Jason: ...A year and a half.

Dick visits the Manor. He cooes at Jason, muttering something about "of course, he would have grown up in a punk," and Jason almost breaks his role to hit him on the head.

Jason, arms folded on his chest: You know, you need serious help, dad.

Bruce, blinking at him slowly: Probably. You know what else I need?

Jason: Sleep? Retirement? To stop adopting strays? The list is endless, man.

Bruce: ...Coffee. I need more coffee.

Jason, groaning: What the fuck!!!

Alfred figures out that Jason is real, eventually. Solely because he catches him sneaking a few extra cookies, and hallucinations are not supposed to eat. He plays along with him and Damian until the very end, anyway.

(Damian ends up winning the bet because Jason loses it once and pushes Bruce down the stairs, when he starts reciting some precautionary tale about him. Everyone is flabbergasted.)

[addictedapple]

Jason getting a higher education is so close to my heart ❤️

Yeah, man, you get your PhD. I have one too. It’s fun.

I know the fandom mostly agrees that Jason is that one always unemployed sibling in the family, but let me offer you a slightly enhanced concept - unemployed sibling Jason, who is the busiest sibling in the family.

No one can get hold of him. Like, ever. And it is not like he is lying, he is genuinely always has something else to do! Something random and unexpected, and, honestly, all his family can think is: what the hell?

Bruce, frowning: Remind me again, why the dinner in the circle of the family today doesn't suit your... schedule?

Jason, shrugging: I have a book club evening in the nursing home. We are discussing Margaret Atwood's Penelopiad tonight. Can't miss it. Also, Jennet-

Alfred, confused: Who is Jennet?

Jason: One of the old ladies in the nursing home, duh... Anyway, yeah, Jennet is having a birthday. She would be hella mad if her favourite grandson missed it, you know?

Bruce: ...Jason, you are not her-

Jason: (leaves)

Dick: Hey, wanna join me for tomorrow morning's training?

Jason, sighs: Sounds nice, but I have classes tomorrow.

Dick, confused: Classes? Since when you are enrolled in college?

Jason: Oh, no. I am a substitute teacher in one of the school's around.

Dick: WHAT-

Damian, calling Jason in the middle of the day: Can you pick me up from school? Others are busy, there is an emergency in the town.

Jason: Damn, sorry, kid, but I am not in the country right now. By the way, do you want to talk with your mother?

Damian: ...What that supposed to mean? Where are you?

Jason: I was planning to visit All-Caste, but first decided to meet up with Talia. I am kinda in Egypt right now, anyway.

Damian: ...

Tim, already used to Jason's constant busy status, sighing: I bet you won't agree if I call you on the lunch tomorrow?

Jason: Uh, no. I have plans. But if you tag along with me, we can get lunch together later.

Tim, surprised: ...Okay. What do you have tomorrow? Knitting club? A shift in library?

Jason: Nah, graduation ceremony.

Tim: Right, you are a substitute teacher.

Jason: No, no. My graduation ceremony. I am getting my PHD in literature.

Tim: SINCE FUCKING WHEN-