basically-queenberyl

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Me: I fasted since 10 last night for this bloodwork.

Dr: Are you sure you’ll be ok? Don’t pass out. You have 30 min until they can draw blood.

Me: Sir, I had an eating disorder….

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How does it feel to have an enemy that bothers no one and minds their own business?

It’s giving self-hate and 0 personality.

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Ew… Gemini says I’m relapsing

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Bruh Gemini be clocking me so hard. I’m like “it’s kinda concerning but not that serious.” Gemini is like uuuuuummmmm….

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Me: I don’t have an ED, I’ve never been officially diagnosed!

Google Gemini: Bitch get help, run don’t walk

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I always regret sharing myself with people because I feel like they never understand me. I’m always disappointed. And I never fucking learn.

And I always want to know what would happen if I just entirely stopped one day. But my therapist said avoidance is also really bad for you.

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I stand corrected. Caren at work is my biggest hater. She said I’m #1 on her list😂😂😂

I could already tell she hated all of us and was out to get us due to her own insecurities, so when she started inconveniencing me, I did the same back to her. But in a way with plausible deniability where I could play dumb. Like come for me, and I’ll make it inconvenient for you to.

But to know my defenses are actually getting to her brings me joy. I have a newfound motivation. Is it immature of me? Yes. Am I going to keep doing it? Yes.

Why am I my biggest hater?😂

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Today I realized that older people stop giving a fuck about their physical insecurities bc they have better shit to worry about. Then they start valuing their own peace, mental wellbeing, and overall health more bc they start realizing how hard it is to maintain it, and how grateful they should be to have it.

And then there’s me. I give a fuck about both (or all).

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OMG I HATE IT HERE

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Guillaume Bourdages

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I think the reason I get so frustrated and annoyed when people tell me to not be so hard on myself about my routines and that I “don’t have to do it ALL the time, because it’s not the end of the world if I miss one thing,” is because when I don’t do it once or twice, I’ll drop it for like 3 months and feel like my whole life got derailed.

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Various stars & moon details from my gouache paintings 🌙✨

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I can never hold it all together