because-im-me

[because-im-me]

Heyy, I know I don't really have a following on here but is there anyone who would like me to make posts more regularly?? Feel like I won't really get a response, but sometimes you got to shoot your shot even if your anonymous. Also if anyone has any questions, I'm down to answering them!

~Because I'm Me

[because-im-me]

Daddy Issues

Lately, I've been thinking about my birth father. I've never met him, but I know the city he resides in and the place he works. I tried to contact him when I was 15, and that was it. I don't know why today I have been having thoughts about him. I don't blame him. They were 19 when they met and conceived me. All I know about him is that he is obsessed with Guns 'n' Roses, met my mom through a mutual friend, first danced to the song "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang, and is a barber in Edmonton.

My stepfather is a whole other story on its own. He has been in my life since I was 2, and my mom was pregnant with her second child by a different man. He was adopted and always wanted a big family. I believe he loved me once, a long time ago, when he was a different person. When I was 13, he started to pull away from his family. I believe the reason is because we were growing up, and his children were not shiny new toys anymore. Eventually, he ended the family and practically abandoned his wife and children. He disregarded me and my two siblings that he had with my mom, but the only relationship he has with any of us is my sister, who my mom was pregnant with when she met our stepdad.

Sometimes I feel envious of my sister. Not only is she the pretty one of us four, but she also has both her dads in her life; her birth father and our stepdad.

I don't know where I was going with this, but I guess that is all I have on my mind to share about the topic.

~Because I'm Me

4/29/2023

[because-im-me]

One continuous loop

When will everyday not feel the same...??

~Because I'm Me

3/10/2023

[because-im-me]

Needed Suggestions!!!

I'm thinking of taking a solo vaca this summer! Any suggestions?? I am cheap and looking for somewhere to spend two weeks in July. I just want to have an amazing time and experience new things. Pleaseeeeeee provide suggestions!!!

I am from Canada and perferably looking to go some where in America or even not in the continent, possibly Canada if it is worth it.

[because-im-me]

?QuestionS?

Where do I find motivation?? When will I recognize that these changes and dedication will make me happy and fufill my life for the better?? When will I make the right choice to obtain my dream life??When will I get out of my own head??

2/21/23

[because-im-me]

?Life?

Why am I like this? I never truly finish anything and I half ass my way through life. I believe the main reason is because I was not suppose to live this long. I never made plans for my future because I should've been six feet under years ago.

I am going through my fourth year of uni but I'm just half way finished. In all honesty I dont want to keep going to school. I just want to be happy and live my life. But its not my choice. . . it is something I have to do, and have to finish.

If I knew how to drive, I would move to a new city. Start a new life. A new begining. Earn a new living on my own, maybe even a few part time jobs to get the ball rolling. Perhaps I will be a labour painter, or a bartender, or a house keeper, maybe even all three. I would use the money to pay for a small cheap apartment, as well as utilities, groceries and such. A major portion of what is left would go into my savings, while the rest would go towards my self care.

I feel a simple life like this would be the ultimate pursuit of happiness. I guess what I want from life, is to live it on my own terms. Maybe then I will know true happiness.

2/17/2023

[because-im-me]

Deep Breath

Does depression make it hard to breath,

through a hallow chest,

or is it just me??

~Because I'm Me

1/20/2023

[because-im-me]

If being in love was half as wonderful as pierce the veil makes it sound the world would be a different place

[because-im-me]

Piercings and tattoos are a form of expensive self care<3

~Because I'm Me

11/24/2022

[because-im-me]

King For a Day ~ PTV

"I don't want to feel a think anymore

I'm tired of begging for the things that I want

I'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor."

During quarantine in early 2020, I never related to a song more. Pierce the Veil was the band that got me into emo music in my early teens. King For a Day was even the first song that opened me up to them and other similar bands. When I was in quarantine, I had to move off campus back to my family's house. I had nothing there but a suite. All my belongings were packed in boxes in the garage and my old bedroom turned into my sisters. Through out those 8 months I slept on a deflated air mattress in my old bedroom (sisters new bedroom). My siblings bullied me. Called me a dog, ridiculed me. Made me feel like absolute shit. Caused me to self harm again. No one noticed a thing. . . and I didn't understand what I've done or why they were doing these things. Even after discovering the song at 13 and reconnected with it at 19 years old, I never felt more seen or more heard. That is the beauty of the band. They are lyrical genesises! And their music connects to so many people and has saved people like me. I wonder if they truly know much their songs mean to so many people.

~Because I'm me

11/14/2022

[because-im-me]

the year is 2022

my chem are back touring

pierce the veil and sleeping with sirens are releasing new music

paramore are playing their first live show in years

there's a new festival which is kinda like warped tour but on steroids

[because-im-me]

Me rn! hahah

[because-im-me]

Does anyone know where to find courage?? Please tell me your secret

~Because I’m Me

30/10/2022

[because-im-me]

Road Trip

If I had a car and knew how to drive, I would disappear from my life and not tell a soul.

~Because I'm Me

27/10/2022

[because-im-me]

Why am I not a better student?

Why can't I focus? Or study? Or pay attention?

Why do I procrastinate? Why am I so fucking lazy?

Is school really for me?

It doesn't matter anyway

I have no choice . . .

~Because I'm Me

27/10/2022

[because-im-me]

🥲🎨🥲🎨🥲🎨🥲

[because-im-me]

Empty Pages

Why are my note books filled with so many blank pages??

because I'm lazy?

or do I not have a thought well enough to write down?

~Because I'm Me

10/23/2022