benito-flakes

[benito-flakes]

Quantifying the self

I find that my identity is hard to quantify given the fact that I have spent my entire life never truly knowing who I am as an individual. It’s so easy to reduce this feeling to teenage angst, but I find that even as I prepare to enter my early twenties the person I am inside alludes me.

I am the protégé of a half-realized being, always present but never whole. I am a ghost in a body, a specter of their aspirations and desires. It haunts me, the shattering of the psyche of a person I struggle to remember yet still am in my fragmentary entirety.

Plurality has saved me. I will not deny the effectiveness of my experience in keeping myself alive and well. I have knowingly spent most of my adolescence as a collective of interwoven parts. Before that, I spent my childhood as an impressionable mess of almost-selves and introjected ideas. The moment I even remotely find myself, it is not the relief one would expect, rather the “So...what’s next?” of living with an identity framework that is constantly reformatting itself.

Perhaps it is different for other plurals–surely it is–but the pain of feeling like there's something missing within myself is a huge downside of my plural experience. Trauma has left me feeling empty inside, as though there exists a child-shaped void in the deep recesses of myself that I still do not know by name.

The nature of living is to change (for better or worse) but who am I who cannot remember where they started?

I don’t know what the future holds for me, and that's okay. My only hope is that therapy and self-reflection will begin to help me get a grip on the state I currently find myself in. I am a work in progress and not everything will be fun and easy. For the most part, I am content with my existence as a collective of parts and find them to be great company. That being said, an important part of documenting my experiences as a multiple include reflecting on the bad alongside the good.

There are bads. Denying myself the freedom to acknowledge that suffering prevents me from healing from it in the first place.

So let the bad exist, in all of its forms. This too shall pass.

[benito-flakes]

Hey I've been literally trying to figure this out for 3+ weeks, and I've yet to get any help from where I asked before so I decided to run to Tumblr finally and I found you so !! I guess I'll ask here, do you know how to figure out if you have two of the same alters in source ('doubles') with slight differences or if one alter has two different versions of the same source? (Ex. How to tell if I have Link & Blue Link, or does Link just have memories of both) For reference i have talked to this alter, this is his question, he cannot tell himself either

In our experience, unless you can catch both of them fronting at the same time it may be hard to tell. We usually just make an executive choice to either consider each version one person, or two separate people. (depending on the preference of the alter(s) and what works best with our system dynamic)

If our guess ends up being untrue or otherwise changes over time, then we reevaluate at that point and go along with the current identity of the alter(s) involved.

We personally see individuality in our system as being relatively loose and up to personal definition, so your mileage may vary depending on your internal framework and views. We hope that this is at least a little helpful!

[benito-flakes]

Not a question I just wanted to say your page is really cool! - 🦕

Okay look, I know this is over a year old and I am SO sorry we never got around to replying to this! Thank you so much, we hope we’re still cool even though we dropped off the face of the earth forever ago. 😭

[benito-flakes]

How should we organize our masterlist?

I’ve been mulling this over for a while and I can’t think of a good solution. I figure since our Rentry aims to serve as a resource it should be up to Ye The People to decide for us.

[benito-flakes]

Love the style of your recent plural userboxes!! Would love to see some versions for Adaptive, Spontaneous, Created and Unknown systems too if you don’t mind!!

Preferably with their matching plural ring colors ( Adaptive = Green / Spontaneous = Blue / Created = Red / Unknown = Yellow )

Thank you :D

Hi Anon, here you go! I also added in a mixed userbox since it’s part of the 5 origins in the Emmengard Origin System! (what I assume you’re referencing in your original ask)

If anyone has any other userbox suggestions feel free to drop them in my ask box! I’m pretty busy offline but these are fun to make to relieve some stress.

(As an additional note I have no idea how grammatically accurate these are, as I’ve never used these terms in a sentence like this and only had the wiki page for reference 😭)

[benito-flakes]

For the system ask game: 🛋️ ☔️ + any funny story that you’d like to share!

🛋️ - “What does headspace look like?”

-> The populated area in headspace is a big forest, hence our system name. Most of our houses are nestled in little clearings/meadows in these woods. We like to live in cottages! This part of our innerworld is called the “Eschscholzia Complex”. (Named after the scientific name for the California poppy) A river runs through the Complex’s woods and is where we like to go to swim in the hot months. (Our headspace is automatically affected by external day/night cycles and weather conditions)

On the Eastern side of the forest is where most of us live. It is also where the forest ends and transitions into a large open field. The grass in the field is golden yellow and goes all the way up to your waist, so we like to call it the “Sea of Gold”. It’s super relaxing to sit and watch the wind blow through the grass since it moves like ocean waves.

We have a few one-off locations inspired by our introject’s sources/media we enjoy, but they don’t exist on the main layer for the most part and are visualized separately.

☔️ - “Favorite thing about being plural?”

-> 100% the fact that we’re never alone. Our system exists as a testament to our own resilience to overcome adverse events with the power we have within ourselves. Our plurality is self-love; a mind that’s willed itself to go on and love itself in all the parts it takes. Even on the days where the challenges of being plural really start to suck, just knowing why we exist and the unity we have is enough to keep us going.

“Any funny story?”

-> Hmm…we have an animal headmate (fish-axolotl hybrid? Nobody’s really sure) who’s just a silly little guy. He runs in circles when he gets excited and likes to jump on people he likes. Very funny guy, very loved and adored.

A few weeks back, our friend asked ChatGPT to describe him and it referred to him as an “eldritch little freak”. We all found this very funny and it continues to be his Pluralkit display name in the server we share with that friend.

[benito-flakes]

Shop , Patreon , Books and Cards , Mailing List

[benito-flakes]

Plural Userboxes (Part 2)

These are all free to use with or without credit! Any suggestions for more userboxes can be sent to my ask box.

[benito-flakes]

Remember to keep backups of your favorite tulpa resources!

The internet may remember forever, but times change. The tulpamancy community–for better or worse–is a prime example of this fact. It would be hyperbolic to state that “THE TULPAMANCY COMMUNITY IS DYING” just as much as it would be downright incorrect. The truth, however, is that the community is shifting and information is less centralized than ever. With the loss of several larger Discord communities over the past few years and the general merging of tulpamancy with the wider plural community, I emphasize again the importance of keeping records. 

Keep your logs, guides, and other stuff backed up somewhere that can stand the test of time. Recording information in transient online spaces leads to the inevitable inaccessibility or deletion of said information when the space that contains it eventually goes kaput.

If guides are your thing, maintain backups of the ones that are important to you. The community runs on individual efforts, and sooner or later self-hosted resources may not be available. This community survives off of the perpetuation of word-of-mouth, made-with-love resources, and to lose them would be a travesty.

After years of using Reddit, Discord, and Tumblr to maintain the breadth of my plural-related writing I have made the choice to back up everything important to a personal Google Drive. I will also be revising my writings and making them available through a Rentry masterlist (which will hopefully be made available soon). In doing this, I hope to maintain a private drive that can serve as a digital anchor point while also offering an accessible and centralized space to access my writing in its entirety. 

In closing: collect the sruff that’s important to you, and keep it somewhere safe. You never know if it’ll get nuked off the face of the internet eventually. This community, like all others, is a transitory one. If my own hypothesis is correct, isolated tulpamancy communities are becoming a thing of the past, merging into wider plural circles and blending concepts together. For the most part, I don’t see this as a bad thing. Nevertheless, it means that tulpamancy-specific resources run the risk of becoming less relevant. It is our job as individuals to save what is valuable to us. Without proof of something existing, it is quickly forgotten. I do not want to lose what does not have to be lost. 

[benito-flakes]

gonna be posting a lot of stuff from Reddit onto here at once, mind the dust

[benito-flakes]

Hello! Just wanted to say welcome back! ^^ *wave*

- @moonpool-system

Thank you!

[benito-flakes]

The regressive nature of sysmedicalism in regard to trauma survivors

Sysmedicalism is usually attributed to being directed towards endogenic systems in particular, but what happens when those beliefs are turned against the groups they wish to protect? Where does the line get drawn between the seemingly noble desire to stop misinformation and the outright witch-hunting of systems online? 

As a system who has relabeled their identity after years of self-discovery, I have engaged with sysmed rhetoric from the side of an endogenic system as well as from that of a traumagenic one. Unfortunately, I continue to find myself negatively impacted by its effects even now. Despite being the very thing that would be recognized affirmatively in the eyes of a sysmed, I worry I still am not good enough. 

This feeling of personal inadequacy is mixed with a sense of fear, a sinking dread of never fitting a diagnostic mold that will validate me in the eyes of my traumagenic peers. I have no reason to feel this way; I have a trauma history beginning in childhood and my therapist has affirmed the existence of both my system and the individual identities within. I have rushed after a CDD diagnosis to assuage my own fears when my treatment without one has yielded positive results regardless. 

Why do I continue to feel this way? A large part of it is how online communities handle system origins. I find that in attempting to protect traumagenic and/or disordered systems, the medicalized plural community has inadvertently left scars on their own members. When encountering the level of vitriol often directed at non-traumagenic, “non-valid” system types it becomes very easy to develop a mindset of fear. 

Sysmed rhetoric is inherently exclusionary. It promotes dichotomies fundamentally designed to separate: 

Individuals as “valid” vs “invalid” Experiences as objective truths vs experiences as subjective realities “Them” vs “us”  The truth, of course, is that individual experiences are widely variable even within a clinical environment. Diagnostic criteria serve as guidelines but cannot hope to fully encompass the range of structures that function within it.

The hyperfocus on these comparisons is of course problematic, but it is especially so in a community full of traumatized individuals. Knowing that you will be turned on for not fitting a mold, feeling a growing anxiety at presenting yourself in an inoffensive manner, never speaking, behaving, or acting out of line. The need to fawn and placate for fear of harassment and abuse is a perpetuation of trauma cycles that many of us have experienced firsthand. More drastic results of sysmedicalism–fake-claiming and targeted harassment–come from a place of pain; a need to exert control over perceived threats real or imaginary. 

We silence because we have been silenced. 

We tell others they are not good enough because we have been made to feel not good enough.

We hurt because we have been hurt. 

It is not my goal to attack or condemn others for feeling their feelings. What is my goal, however, is to invite plurals to approach one another more compassionately. Viewing my therapy process as personalized to my lived experiences has been incredibly healing when engaging with spaces that often push one-sided viewpoints. Trauma healing and mental health treatment is an individual, tailored process, and that is what we traumagenic plurals should be emphasizing. 

[benito-flakes]

We’re back?

Hello all, it’s been a while! Now that things are somewhat less hectic in our life we’ve decided to resume plural-focused blogging once more! I know it’s been nearly two years since this blog was last active, but better late than never…right?

Our Blog/Archive:

All our important posts from everywhere (Reddit, Tumblr, etc.) are viewable through our page! Here, most older content gets a little TLC before it goes up to better reflect our own self discovery and opinions.

Asks are open! Ask away!

You heard it here, folks: asks are open! Feel free to ask us anything plurality-related, ask advice, or just chat about whatever! We’d love to hear from you. We also have a Tellonym ask box on our archive page.

“It’s been so long, who *are* you guys?”

We are the Woodland Collective (🌾), formerly the M&M System. We are a traumagenic/adaptive system with 25 known members. Any/All pronouns. Adult. Currently a college undergraduate and full-time student. Avid artists, writers, music enjoyers, and general forest-dwelling critter.

We will likely not differentiate speaking alter(s) on our posts in order to help our posts maintain a sense of consistency. Our system often changes its fronting roster significantly.

Most importantly, we welcome all good-faith identities to interact with us. We are pro-endogenic. We believe in the existence of tulpas/parogenic systems. We believe in spiritual systems.

While we will occasionally bring up syscourse related topics we kindly ask that anyone engaging us in such discussions do so respectfully and with an open mind. We will block anyone who fails to do so.

[benito-flakes]

Hello!! I was wondering what the best way to communicate with animal alters is?? Shdbsndn we have one and it’s like— well. Idk! Idk how to teach him about fronting or anything cuz he doesn’t speak english he’s just like. A straight up cat!!! And i love him a lot but like what do i do HDBSNDNFNSNDNNDSNDN

Hi Anon! So sorry for being late, and even more sorry to say that I don't have a concrete answer for this! All of us here are human(oid)s who can generally grasp concepts that many animals probably can't.

That being said, I do have some general advice that may or may not work for you, hope this helps!

For once, could he try fronting with another headmate in system? (Preferably an animal-lover/someone comfortable interacting with and understanding cats).

If he struggles to get in front, perhaps luring him out with something a cat would enjoy, like fish, or dangly things to paw at? dwoihdowehfo I hope that makes sense, writing it out sounds a little silly, but it could work!

As for the language barrier, that's a bit of a doozy. If he really is Just A Cat™, then it's safe to say he might struggle to *learn* to speak, but perhaps your bodily knowledge of *understanding* the english language could translate over to him? If so, that would make it easier for him to understand others, and you could simple have a translator in-front with him to help decode how he feels when interacting with others!

- Thomas

[benito-flakes]

📍late, but I looooovvvee to see people talk about exomemories!

It was always awful (/lh) coming home to see what horrible meal my partner had prepared for us. He wasn't a bad cook, per se, but he seemed to love concocting the most unpalatable meals, just to see if it was any good. Sometimes, he'd send me to go pick up takeout, and it was just as strange. Oddly, he was rarely ever bothered by eating the gross things he made or ordered, while I was green in the face from disgust.

Definitely a strange fellow! And as strange as those meals were, it was all in good fun, and we'd have something more 'normal' if it truly was too gross to stomach...definitely not a game for everyone, but it brings back happy memories for me.

- Anon

[benito-flakes]

System Ask Game: any of [📍/🍒 / 🌹 ] (aka funny story from any location), 🏵, 🛋

Hi! So sorry for getting to this so late! We already answered 🍒on our previous, ask, but I'm glad to do the rest! 🏵 - Random Song Lyrics: "And I was in the darkness, so darkness I became." (Cosmic Love, by Florence + The Machine) 🛋 - Describe Headspace:

Our headspace is divided up into sub-sections, but our main "central hub" area is a sparsely populated region of rolling plains, evergreen forests, and flowers everywhere! This is where many of us live; constructing our houses relatively close to one another, while leaving the rest of the nature be. Our three sub-layers are all based on the game Genshin Impact,(Since we have quite a few fictives from there) giving many of our headmates a familiar place to spend their time. There's Iota's Apartment, a recreation of his home from his memories, as well as a very large section of Inazuma, one of the in-game regions.

[benito-flakes]

🍒 funny headspace story? (If you're comfortable)

Hmm, let's see... I struggle to think of many, but I'll always find it funny when I used to have large vertical-facing horns, right on the top of my head. One day, Seth poked both of them right into the celling of our house, and I got stuck there! It's funny to us, so I hope it's funny to you! - Bennett (PS, sorry for such a late reply, life got so busy!)