bubblerants

[bubblerants]

am i blasting my ears off with music because im a sad bitch?

yes sirrrr

[bubblerants]

i've been so stuck in my depression bubble lately, it's highkey pathetic. lol imma just drown in a pool of self hate <3

[bubblerants]

so,,,, that just happened.

so uhm, my stepdad just asked me downstairs for a conversation. and of course it started the same as always (basically him talking, being irritated etc.)

but, then i became mad and stood up for myself. (which normally would be hella fucking stupid)

then he took me to the living room and actually got very mad and shit. anygays, i was so fucking done and i kinda snapped and screamed 'do you even love me?'

of course he got mad about that. so i explained the situation (why i had to come downstairs in the first place) exactly from my point of view.

and he finally understood it.

then i explained that that's basically always how i feel when he gets mad and that i feel like he kinda just picks me out to say that. and that therefore i felt like he didn't love me, since he told me more that he was dissapointed than that he showed me that he loved me.

and idk he said i was right and was kinda shocked and then i was allowed to go.

and uh now im sitting here, i dont know how to feel about it. because on one hand it's literally the only actual process ever, but im still scared that hes gonna use it against me one time.

[bubblerants]

why, just why, doesn't my stepdad love me. what is wrong with me. please just love me and treat me like you love me. please just love me.

[bubblerants]

today fucking sucks

[bubblerants]

istg my family takes up so much energy. after spending 3 days with them, im just completely drained from all energy i had left.

[bubblerants]

i feel so fucking terrible. my head hurts so much, it feels like constant pressure. i just woke up for the 3th time this night because of pain, but since im doing an internship i cant call in sick. im crying so hard atm because it fucking hurts and i dont wanna go anymore.

[bubblerants]

if u scared to fail ur test clap ur hands.

👏👏

if u scared to fail ur test clap ur hands.

👏👏

if u scared to fail ur test because ur parents will kill you and you'll feel bad about yourself for the next three weeks because ur a failure anyway, clap ur hands.

👏👏

[bubblerants]

gymnastics is the most useless fucking subject at school. i feel like fucking shit, i dont wanna 'be active'. i dont fucking care if it's 'healthy for you and makes u feel happier'. because for me it doesn't okay? i feel like a fucking failure everytime i do something sports related.

[bubblerants]

i just purged.

i was supposed to be recovered.

[bubblerants]

i constantly feel like im annoying people, even though they tell me im not.

it's honestly so fk frustrating

[bubblerants]

Me: *chillin in my house*

Dad: *raises his voice slightly*

Me: *physically gets goosebumps, a wave of intense nausea, tension in all major muscle groups, breathing becomes shallow, desperately tries not to dissociate*

[bubblerants]

this is exactly how i feel and its so frustrating.

What people don't understand about abusive parents

What people don’t understand about abusive parents is that we can’t always hate them. We can’t just constantly hate them because a lot of them are quite nice half the time. It makes it hard to hate them because it’s like “they’ve been horrible to me but they treated me to a present yesterday or a cute little chocolate bar so I’d me rude to hate them because of what they’ve done for me” and it’s destroys your mind because then people questions if they actually are abusive when you seen to like them at that time.

[bubblerants]

can you believe that some people actually have loving and healthy relationships with their parents? wild

[bubblerants]

so my friends and i have this group, which was originally a kpop chat group, but now its also for other stuff. including venting.

its a place where we are supposed to feel safe and where we are able to rant, so thats what i do.

yesterday one of the group members posted a tweet on her rant account, in another language, about how she thinks we're annoying and that we should stop complaining because it wont help.

so even though it was for the whole group, i feel so hurt by it. she always says oh no you're bot annoying, you cant vent blablabla. but ig we cant?

now im too scared to talk about it in the group so i guess im just gonna use this account more and more.

[bubblerants]

'he's your stepdad, he does everything for you and treats you like his own child. you should be more thankful to him! he treats you so well'

shut the fuck up stacy. he treats me like im his fucking maid and hurts me to the point i wanna kill myself.

[bubblerants]

repeat after me: parents do not have the right to make you feel guilty about 'eating the food they made' or 'living under their roof'

they're your fucking parents, they chose to have a child.