coldearlgrey

[coldearlgrey]

Hyper-fixated too strong and started talking about it with my family…..lets just say i feel like my soul has been crushed and I will now be isolating myself for the next few weeks/months.

[coldearlgrey]

Yeah i just saw someone do that “propaganda I’m not falling for” trend on TikTok and they put sleep Token as propaganda….sometimes I hope TikTok does get shut down the world would heal

I get viscerally angry when people hate on my favorite things. Like it’s popular to hate on sleep token right now, but like Chappell roan i think people hate on them as soon as they get popular but when the hate dies down people are going to love them again especially if they release a new album. We have seen this happening to Chappell roan several times and now it’s happening to sleep token and it pisses me off.

[coldearlgrey]

Look what I made. I’m thinking of turning it into a t shirt

[coldearlgrey]

Coming from someone who has literally listening to my chemical romance since I was 2 years old I just want to say I hate new my Chem fans. Not in an elitist gatekeeping way more in a i don’t like how new fans sexualize Gerard way. Like new fans constantly sexualize him but also infantilize him at the same time that is a 47 year old man with a teenage daughter, that is not your little gee bear baby smol bean. Stop acting like he’s a child and stop saying you want to breed him it’s weird!

also remember a couple years ago when people decided he was a trans woman even though he never said that?

[coldearlgrey]

No no you don't understand! I want to watch this show/movie, read this book, listen to this podcast, etc.! But I must be in the right mindset and the exact head space to begin, or I just can't!

[coldearlgrey]

Perverts, Ethel Cain's new album, and my thoughts.

Perverts (title song): on the first listen I felt a little scared and uncomfortable, on the second listen I felt a visceral fear I have never felt before (in a good way) this is what I imagine death is like, I feel like I'm being watched, I feel nauseous. The bells that are reminiscent of distorted church bells keep jump scaring me, my skin is crawling, I'm honestly terrified. This song is amazing.

Punish: I have heard this song many times before and it just keeps getting more heartbreaking the more I listen to it, it is sickeningly beautiful, Hayden’s voice is absolutely breathtaking, I can hear the deep sadness in her voice. The ‘beat drop’ along with her harmony makes my stomach churn it is so amazing, there are no words to describe just how beautiful her voice is. Even though this is on the shorter side every second of it makes me so emotional.

Houseofpsychoticwomn: yet another hauntingly beautiful song from Hayden, I really wonder what inspired her to write this song. It is so devastating, the title alone gives you such an unsettling image, personally it makes me think of all the women who were subjected to horrible treatment in mental hospitals back in the day, but the echo of ‘I love you’ that repeats in the background makes me think that the title is just a metaphor for what it is like for women in abusive relationships. Like the woman in ‘The Yellow Wallpaper,’ her husband told her she was crazy until she finally accepted her role as the crazy wife who sees a woman in the wallpaper. That is what this song reminds me of

Vacillator: the word that titles this song means “a person who is indecisive or hesitant, often out of fear” Does this represent Hayden's apprehensiveness to drift from her more popular music style? I think this makes sense considering this song is closer to what she wrote for Preacher's Daughter, and honestly, it sounds similar to something Billie Eilish would come out with, which is not how she normally sounds at all, it's not a bad thing by any means, I'm just saying it's different.

Onanist: this song could potentially be about masturbation which definitely makes sense considering we know that Hayden got inspiration for this album by jorkin it in front of an abandoned power plant. I have no idea what compelled her to do that but good for her, and it gave me an amazing album so i can’t be mad. At the end in the background, we hear what almost sounds like a woman choking or dying, maybe that's a reference to her choking her chicken or maybe this song has nothing to do with the title word and it was just a reference to how the album was created. This is also one of the shorter songs on the album which is a little sad because it's a very beautiful song.

Pulldrone: I think this song is my favorite on this album, It is less of a song and more of a prayer or chant, the counting the gong, the buzzing, everything it makes my heart sink. There is also what I think is an “I have no mouth and I must scream” reference which gave me butterflies the first time I heard it. The fact that the buzzing gets louder and her voice starts to distort reminds me of decomposing in a way, this song really makes me think of death, however, she normally makes death seem almost peaceful in her songs, and thats not what I get from this song. This song makes me feel like I need to get up and run, like a dreadful feeling that danger is near, the sudden rise in pitch of the buzzing made a shiver run down my spine. This song makes me feel like I found a dead body in the woods, and whoever or whatever killed it is still in the woods with me, and I can feel its eyes on me. The gradual lowering of the pitch is no less scary, the buzzing starts to sound like a broken violin as the song ends which is so eerie.

Etienne: I feel a sense of calm with this one which is definitely needed after the last song. Really the only word I can think of to describe this song is melancholy, like this song makes me feel like I’m afraid to leave my bed because I think my arm is made of glass and if I move too much I'll break, you know? That's the vibe I get from this song, very Victorian illness vibes.

Thatorchia: back to the scary shit, the last song giving ‘the calm before the storm’ I'm back to that visceral fear from the first song but now I just feel broken, I feel no need to run, all I feel is acceptance, I feel like im excepting death, I'm waiting for him to take me, it honestly feels almost sexual, which again makes sense considering how this album came to be. Yes, I’m getting very much a rather sickly sexual vibe, I don’t even know what that means that's just what I feel.

Amber Waves: I've never felt such emotion in my life, this song makes me tear up, I can literally feel my stomach drop at the bridge, it is so beautiful. Ethereal. That is the word this song reminds me of, I feel like I'm being drowned in an angel's golden tears. That fear from the other songs is gone and all I feel now is calm, graceful, beauty, her voice is beautiful, it brings me to tears.

[coldearlgrey]

I’ve been in such a bad reading slump for a while now and I don’t how to get out of it, normally writing helps but I also have horrible writers block right now lol so that isn’t helping. And it’s not like I just don’t have any books to read, I have a tone of books I need to finish and a bunch more I own but haven’t read yet, I’m just so frustrated. I don’t really know what the point of this is I’m just complaining now lol

[coldearlgrey]

Writing prompt:

Omegaverse, fated mates, mates can feel each other’s pain, potentially enemies to lovers.

Character A is some kind of villain or evil person, person B is a hero or enemy. Character A is going to torture/hurt character B, but as soon as it starts character A starts feeling the pain they are inflicting on character B, and that’s how they find out they are mates!

[coldearlgrey]

I get viscerally angry when people hate on my favorite things. Like it’s popular to hate on sleep token right now, but like Chappell roan i think people hate on them as soon as they get popular but when the hate dies down people are going to love them again especially if they release a new album. We have seen this happening to Chappell roan several times and now it’s happening to sleep token and it pisses me off.

[coldearlgrey]

I can’t be the only one who misses the time on the Internet, when Tumblr was most popular, Wattpad was filled with “adopted by __” fics, Dan and Phil were everywhere, bandom! When fandom crossovers were common like superwholock, when being a fan girl was both an insult and an identity. Oh! and when the main rules in fandom were “ship and let ship” and “don’t like don’t read”

essentially what I’m saying is, I miss when fandom were worth being in. nowadays fandom is all discourse, stupid discourse, like arguing about if you’re allowed to ship not canon ships, and if it’s okay to like a character even if they’re evil. Fandom has lost its whimsy and it’s fun, fandom isn’t fun anymore.

Now don’t get me wrong I know that fandom were very toxic back in the day, but it’s still very toxic, maybe even more so if I’m being honest. And now people can’t have fun in fandom spaces without worrying about being “cringe” and “embarrassing” it doesn’t matter if it’s cringe as long as you’re having fun!

[coldearlgrey]

ai does not belong in creative spaces. period.

[coldearlgrey]

I kinda like posting these even though no one sees them

[coldearlgrey]

Here’s another thing I wrote. fair warning I suck at punctuation. I tried my best here, but it’s still probably not very good.



[coldearlgrey]

So my sister told me i should start posting my writing……I’m not very good but I made an edit of this thing I wrote and I thought it would be okay to post it here because no one follows me here.

[coldearlgrey]

[coldearlgrey]

Oh nothing just thinking about how Lawrence used what little energy he had left to crawl to Adam just to rest his forehead against his and tell him he’s gonna be okay…….😭🤢🤮😭😭

[coldearlgrey]