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Me to my body when I gained weight eventhough I restricted

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So my therapist said I should Do a list of things that have sth to do with my ocd, but because im scared of this, I will try to list it here first and if anyone can relate to anything please Tell me about it because I feel so weird about myself!

-brushing teeth for exactly 6min

-brushing my teeth in the same spot everytime

-cleaning my toilet every day for at least 30min with exactly the same supplies and if I cant Do that bcs im sick or anything I literally break down

-purge every meal that is out of my comfort list (bulimia is a big Part of my ocd)

-only eating certain foods out of fear sth Bad will happen

-always having my clothes sorted a certain way and it can not be any different

-same breakfast every day even tho it doesn't taste well and makes me feel sick

-always vacuuming the floor in a certain way and if my bf does it any different I have to do it again

-He is also not allowed to clean the bathroom because I can not trust him to do it 1001% the way I Do it

-every Coffee at the exact same times 5am, 11am, 3pm, 6pm

-I have under wear for every day and I ca not swap and if the washing maschine does not work I literally cant put on clothes

-I only eat food that I cooked myself and I have certain meals that I eat and thats it, I can sometime try New stuff but thats so Hard and 100% going to be flushed down the toilet afterwards

Feel free to expand.

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It sucks so much that even when I was at my highest and food was no concern, my bmi still was 'only' 20 and I still got an ed and thought I were fat, when being on the literally edge to being under weight. Not only bigger people starting a diet get an ed and ffs, stop telling skinny people that they dont need to diet or count cals, that will make nothing!!! better or easier for them I swear to mf god!!!!!

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Deutscher Ana Gruppen Chat auf Tumblr, anyone?

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14. "Just eat" - ing wont fix us.

Things I wish people understood about eating disorders:

1. Most people with eating disorders don’t literally starve themselves, they restrict. Just because you see us eating doesn’t mean we’re getting better.

2. The horrible, absolutely torturous feeling we get after we eat. No matter what it is, how many Calories… it’s always there.

3. You. Don’t. Have. To. Be. Thin. To. Have. An. Eating. Disorder. God someone needs to scream this one from the top of a building.

4. It’s life consuming. Food is always on my mind.

What I’ll eat next, when I’ll eat next, how I’ll burn it off

5. I can’t just ‘snap out of it’ and I can’t ‘just eat’

These are two of the worst things you can say.

6. I understand what my disorder is doing to me mentally and physically, believe me I do.

♡

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what's with all these ed/weight loss tumblrs throwing away food after they're full???? like damn bitch just refrigerate it and reheat it tomorrow or next week or something you don't have to waste it

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My diet rules:

- Plant milk only

- no sugary pastries

- only self baked cookies/cake that are low in cals

- no chocolate

- no cooking with butter

- breakfast only after being active (Do a walk/Workout...)

- at least 10k steps a day

- no cereals with choc sugar etc

- no Dressings or dips

- only self cooked meals

- only Black Coffee and pure tea

- 2L+ water

- only water

- no meat

- cheese like only once a week

- only whole grain bread

- bread only one slice per day or less

- only plant yogurt like almond soy or coconut but no sugar in it!!!

- no jam, Nutella or any other sweet stuff for your bread

- a little walk after every meal

- no food before 10am

- no food after 8pm

- only fruits as Snacks like Apple grape berries

- no banana

- no peanut butter

- no ice cream

- water ice is allowed tho (self made with tea in the water for example)

- no crisps!!!

- no prezles!!!

- big dinner meal only with veggies and a small amount of rice noodles... 3:1

- 30min Workout at least every two days (that dont count towards the 10k steps min)

- no cheat days!!!!

- Lots of Green tea

- purge after a binge (like bulimia purge or sports)

- fasting on saturdays

- no food when with Friends (exp my bf when im staying there like a week haha)

- no food in my room

- only eat in the kitchen

- no TV while eating

- Drink Lots during a meal

Anything Else?

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I just wont eat the Rest of the day despite a small plate of dinner with my parents. I hope that will help my shame and the bad feelings of regret and self hate.

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Had a b/p today because I was so mad when sth didnt go as planned this morning and I am still so mad at myself and hate everything and dont know what to do with all this anger.

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Last binge purge was 3 days ago 🤙

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0 - The fool

“Your brain alone needs 500 calories...” yeah well my brain should have thought about that before it gave me all these disorders

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hey man i haven’t seen a single similar post (concerning???) so i feel like it’s important to make this.

tomorrow is ramadan. your eating disorder will not magically disappear in ramadan.

allah will not hate you if you relapse in ramadan. be it that you faint or you binge, if you need to break your fast because of your eating disorder THEN YOU BREAK YOUR FAST.

You are not supposed to fast when you are sick. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO FAST WHEN YOU ARE SICK. IT IS HARAM TO FAST IF YOU ARE SICK BECAUSE IT BRINGS HARM TO YOUR BODY. If you start feeling horribly sick and you know, you haven’t had sufficient suhoor or iftar for a few days or anything of the sort, it is okay to break your fast and even go to the hospital if you need to.

habaybi that have eating disorders, PLEASE take care of yourself during ramadan. It is a month of cleansing and forgiveness, so forgive yourself if you relapse. You can always redo your fast after ramadan.

Jazakallah please reblog this post and ramadan mubarak to you all! ♡

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Hello lovelies,

if you’re seeing this, it’s a reminder that:

1. Please resist the urge to purge.

2. After a binge, and if you feel hungry, savor a spoon full of peanut butter.

3. Drink watahhh for Godsake! Not tea, coffee or low cals drinks!! Water will hydrate you much better!

4. You are doing amazing, keep up the good work.

5. If you failed today there is always tomorrow. Work towards your goal.

6. If you feel dizzy, eat something!! And HYDRATE yourself!!

You are loved 🌸💖

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Leg check.

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ED comeback

So I am at my highest now and I just cant handle it even tho my bmi is still ‘only’ 20,3. So I cant live without my bulimia helping me to lose weight so that I at least dont hav to suffer from self hate but only from physical instability due to my malnutrition if that makes sense to yall

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Its so weird that everytime something goes well or someone really cares for me, my dreams end up to Show catastrophes and how those people abuse me, like it literally weirds me out so much if someone/thing is not a complete desaster for once that I just cannot handle it.