doomedfromthewombfr

[doomedfromthewombfr]

My IPad died OMG

Just a quick update: I’m writing this on a neighbors phone, because my iPad, my lifeline, my outlet, my everything- is dead. Fully dead. Not a glitch. Not a quick fix. Just… gone. And with it, the one place I felt like I could spill my thoughts without choking on them.

That iPad wasn’t just a screen. It was where I processed. Where I dumped everything I couldn’t say out loud- the loneliness, the weird thoughts, the moments of beauty and breakdown. It was how I connected to the world outside my 4 walls. Agoraphobia is a bitch btw. How I stayed tethered to the world when everything else felt far away.

Now, I feel like someone pulled the plug on my only life raft.

And no, I can’t replace it. I’m on a fixed income. Even a used one for $200 is out of reach right now. It could be a year- maybe longer- before I can afford another. That’s just my reality. Being broke doesn’t just limit what you can buy- it limits how you can exist. How you express. How you cope.

So if I disappear, know it’s not because I’ve stopped feeling. It’s because I’ve lost the one tool that helped me survive those feelings and the only way I can connect and communicate with people.

I’ll try to hold on to my sanity, or at least what’s left of it (lol?), until I can find my way back to you. Back to writing. Back to me. Also, idek what I’m going to do about therapy and psychiatry visits now that I cannot do them virtually. OMG I’m going to panic, more than usual now 😭😩

Hold space for me. I’ll return when I can. I miss you all ♥️

[doomedfromthewombfr]

Still alive. just vanished for a bit.

mental illness has been gnawing at me,

autoimmune shit flaring like hellfire.

existing feels like a full-time job with no breaks and no pay.

i’m tired. not in a poetic way. in a please let me rest without consequence kind of way.

but i’m still here. barely. quietly.

just thought that deserved to be said

[doomedfromthewombfr]

I didn’t just disappear. I was abandoned by the very idea of mattering

[doomedfromthewombfr]

Where I’ve been:

Somewhere between “crippling anxiety,” “soul-crushing depression,” and “why bother?”- basically, a fun little mental hell loop.

Every task feels impossible, every thought feels too loud, and my give-a-shit meter is officially out of order. apathy’s driving, anxiety’s screaming directions, and depression’s in the backseat telling me to just crash already.

So yeah, that’s why I’ve been quiet. Still here, just malfunctioning. Hope y’all are alive or whatever.

[doomedfromthewombfr]

It returns without warning, without mercy. A familiar ghost slipping through the cracks of my mind, whispering lullabies of despair in a voice I know too well

[doomedfromthewombfr]

There is no worse feeling than realizing you are nothing more than an afterthought in the lives of those you’d die for

[doomedfromthewombfr]

I could vanish tomorrow, and the world wouldn’t even trip over the space I left behind

[doomedfromthewombfr]

I feel everything. Too much. All at once. Until I feel nothing at all

[doomedfromthewombfr]

My existence is an apology I never stop making

[doomedfromthewombfr]

If pain is proof of life, then I must be immortal

[doomedfromthewombfr]

Borderline love 🖤🖤🖤