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What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old?

Recently, I posted an article about what it might be like to be a parent of an autistic child for the first five years. Today I'd like to continue the series into the next stage of life, between 6-11 years of age. So what would it be like to have an autistic child between 6-11 years old?

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: 6 Years Old and Full of Energy

Finally through the heartbreak of the first 5 years, this kiddo is primed to explore everything. Autistic kids are often way more energetic which means that traditional school can be a nightmare. Social skills are also in desperate need because having friends is highly important, maybe more so than peers who are not autistic/neurodivergent.

Friends can offer safety and aid in case your child is being picked on by students or staff. When looking for friends, your child may not be the best judge of character and may believe the children who pick on them are their friends. This is part of the stranger danger which autistics are often left cruely wide open for. Teaching your child to watch how other kids talk about them to them or others is the difference between forming healthy relationships for the rest of their lives.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: Year 7

Hopefully, by now we have at minimum 1 solid friend and a supportive IEP. If the school doesn't work, don't fight your child. Instead research other options (some do better in homeschool while others might need private) which fit your child's needs. You are your chold’s advocate and with an army of doctors/therapists, you know what works best. The key to a successful autistic child is making the world adjust to your child's needs. A supported autistic child can graduate highschool at 13 why force them to wait until 18 because it's normal?

At 7, your bright eyed child needs stimulation without overstimulation. This is a great time to invest in museums and art gallery trips which offer quiet places of reflection. Parks are a great way to get some zoom time for your little zoomer. Investing in an electric bike for yourself and taking bike trips to the store or appointments might make things a bit smoother than cars. Not only are you giving a positive outlet for all that energy, you're also teaching important road safety skills which your child will use for the rest of their life. When they have learned how to ride their own bike, they can ride with you on their own.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: Age 8

By now, school and life should be flowing easily. Autistic kids often are up at different hours than their non-autistic peers which shouldn't be adjusted. If public school hours are not within healthy limits, switching to homeschool and keeping that routine will be far easier. Your child will eventually be an adult which enables them then to set their own schedule. Having your child set that schedule may mean adjustments for you who is better equipped to handle it than an 8 year old child. Doctors will offer sleeping medication as a solution but changing your child's natural circadian rhythm while teaching them that they need a drug to fit in is definitely something each parent needs to consider.

I know for me, the medications that I was forced to take caused serious side effects which still affect me over 15 years AFTER I took my last pill and affect me to the point where I lose days of work.

At age 8, the world is full of wonder and joy. Definitely the time for Disney trips and Disney does an amazing job at working with their disabled guests to ensure the best stay possible. Definitely make sure to say your child is autistic will decrease the time you are actively waiting in line, can get you access to quiet areas, and allows the staff to know to help you wrangle a meltdown if they see your child in destress. Definitely expanding your child's travel diary will help your child better adjust to a changing life instead of routine life.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: 9 Years And Going

By age 9, school should be a breeze. If not, adjust the school/try a new school/move to homeschool. Having a few extra curricular activities for them is going to help them succeed and get peer time either with adults or other kids. It is true that we often shrink from social situations but that is often due to discrimination we have faced in the past which has gone unnoticed. Autistic children love being involved.

At this age, it might be good to have them in a self-defense class like martial arts so that they can defend themselves. Autistics are often targeted and keeping the focus on teaching them how to handle the situation before it arises is better then them being seriously hurt.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: Double Digits Here We Come

Yay for being 10! By now, you’re probably considering the big C and T. College should definitely be something that is pre-planned (not the where but the other logistics like money). It's hard setting up sometimes with the extra finances so starting sooner than later is key. Also starting to teach your child strategies to remove peer pressure so they can focus on maintaining their needs in a healthy way can reduce the amount of time it takes them to learn the hard way.

The same thing goes for the big teen years. Focusing on building a trusting relationship now with aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. who are healthy for your child to have a relationship with can increase your ability to stay in the know when they are teens. Teenagers will often tell someone else they trust things that they can't tell their parents (often should).

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: The Last Year of Childhood

Like any kid, your child is chomping at the bit for independence. At 11 it can be difficult because the pre-teen mood swings have come. Other kids have tech and you may have tinkered with tech as a therapy or communication tool already. If you haven't, making sure that your kiddo has a cellphone will help you keep a way to communicate when your child is away from you. Having the ability to fully begin to take care of themselves including shopping for food for themselves and clean up the house after themselves is key to building the self care routine that will be with them their entire lives.

As an aunt of several autistics and being an autistic myself, I know that the old way of raising the child by forcing an infinity peg in a square hole isn't going to work. I have had to relearn so many things about myself because I was forced to change my healthy habits for disfunctional chaos that taught me to ignore my body's symptoms which later almost cost me the ability to walk or talk. Autistics are very good at letting their needs be known and what they don't like equally known.

tags: autistic, autistic aesthetician, autistic gold, autistic meltdown, autism, routine, actuallyautistic, truth, chld, teaching, wisdom, redinstead

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Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later

I was so excited a few days ago that I had someone call in until I realized that they were a potential client for Goddess Aesthetics which is currently open for our current clients to get their products. It’s been a few days over me shutting Goddess Aesthetics down for physical appointments since I am in the high-risk category. As America opens back up fully, Transcendence Massage and Yoga still require masks since I am the mandatory reporter on site. In this post, I figured I would take time to document what life is like right now before I am released from quarantine. 

Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later: Why Exactly Am I in Quarantine?

Well, this is a really good question because I placed myself in quarantine first before talking to my doctor. My doctors throughout the pandemic have all agreed that I should reduce my risk as much as possible for the same reason. That reason is I already have enough medical conditions, I don’t want anymore. I have neurological conditions which do not play well with pharmaceutical medication. The only thing that works for that with the same if the better statistical rate of reduction of my seizures is cannabis which is currently legal in Oregon recreationally. I have an understandable distrust in pharmaceuticals after being forcibly medicated as a child for medical conditions I don’t have which made the conditions I do have worse. I have high histamines which make every pill dicey. 

Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later: How Do I Manage Being Home?

I manage to be in quarantine rather well. I am not under house arrest, I do have to stay away from people and limit my interactions. It means that other than very rare occasions, I don’t eat inside. I can still ride my bike around and pick small things up from stores. Larger items have to be delivered. I bike every day to have lunch with Jeserae when he is working outside of his job. I keep myself busy posting products, designing ads, or anything else that needs to be done virtually. While Jeserae works, I am here. While I enjoy my freedom, my freedom hasn’t changed other than my ability to work in person/travel. 

What has changed is the number of friends I have over or who continue to reach out even though I really can’t go do things with them the way I used to. I went from being active in the social world to be active only in the social media world since everything became virtual. I only attend outdoor events which have been reduced due to the pandemic which is starting back up again this year. 

Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later: How Do I Manage Appointments?

Appointments switched to virtual as well. While I miss in-person visits, I don’t miss the commute to and from the visits. I am working with my care team and insurance to get an e-bike so that I can enjoy the commute as much as possible. Portland traffic is definitely for the birds and TriMet is overcrowded during peak times pre-pandemic. Until then, I have been using video conferencing to continue my care until my e-bike is delivered. If video isn’t available, I have teleconferencing over the phone. For me, access to my care is better during the pandemic because my care team is now on my phone wherever I go. I don’t have to worry nearly as much about scheduling or being away from my desk so to speak when I am taking care of my health.

Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later: How Do I Manage Same Foods in Supply Chain Collapse?

Luckily enough, most of my same foods are fruits and vegetable-based. While the cost of everything is going up, these items are still affordable enough for my food budget. I also have been working on indoor gardening some of the fruits and vegetables that we eat the most. If I had more acreage and no HOA telling us to have grass in our yard, we’d probably be more capable of coasting through these changes in supply without really noticing. I did start testing Daily Harvest this month and will continue next month getting my dinners through them until the discount ends. 

Meal kits have saved me when it comes to my partner and me getting dinner. Sometimes we order takeout but I mostly cook our meals. Having something to just stick in the oven which is similar to what I normally make makes it super easy to not worry about which store on Instacart is finally going to have x in stock. I spend more money on Instacart trying to find 1 thing because I need a cart of a minimum of $10 to order at a few stores, most grocery stores are a $35 minimum. This is one of those things that soon will be changing because I have been officially prescribed an e-bike by a general practitioner which means as soon as everything is in place, I am ordering that e-bike. 

Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later: What About When Mandates Change?

For me, Oregon removing its masking mandate leaves me more exposed. Instead of being able to go inside every store, I have to go to places that still have the majority of people masked. Going to WinCo is going to have to wait because there is no way for me to spot-check on how many people are running around without masks. Recently I went to New Seasons to get cash out of my card and I was pleasantly surprised that everyone I saw was wearing a mask. I completely get people’s freedoms but releasing the mandate before the Federal transportation mandate ended made things confusing.

Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later: What About Transit?

I want to do a whole piece on the lack of sanitary standards throughout the quarantine with TriMet. Every time I hear the max stop, I hear the Federal mask mandate propaganda speech. This mandate is not followed and never was consistent throughout the pandemic. Why is it so hard for a company that was capable of kicking off or ticketing riders for no fare not able to do the same for a Federal mandate is beyond anything I can comprehend? Now instead of wearing them around their chins, these individuals are completely maskless. These failures have removed me from ever wanting to ride or pay TriMet again, especially since they do not guarantee my or other riders safety adequately from unruly passengers.

Uber is better because it is just one person but riding in cars for me is dangerous. I am unsure why I get motion sickness within 3 miles but if I’m in the backseat, it happens. The only way I get around that is riding in the front which I cannot do. I had to take an Uber recently to pick up my passive mobility device (my fancy description for my bike) from the shop because the bottom bracket was insanely loose. It had nearly been two years if not more since it was serviced. I barely made it to the bike shop without having too many issues; however, I still felt dizzy and out of balance for at least 2 of the 5 miles it took to bike to Jeserae’s full-time work. 

Biking is the best thing since flying a plane for me. I am completely mobile on it and other than playing dodge the car/random pedestrian in the bike lane, it is the most effective way of traveling. Having my bike is like having a pair of legs for me. It is a very odd experience when my legs are in the shop and I have to use different legs. People have suggested that I try motorized scooters but those are worse because I don’t move my legs. Sensory processing for me is very different and my brain doesn’t always know how to understand when I am moving but not moving. 

Flying is something I have only had a limited amount of time doing. Flying for me would have been more accessible when I was a child/teenager than now because of several reasons. For starters, my family doesn’t occupy the Hammonton Municipal Airport anymore in the same capacity as when I was younger. Many people in that area will remember the Hannahs who used to manage the airport. My uncle passed around 2003 and my Aunt has only passed away a few months ago. Since my parents divorced, my dad had to sell the Musketeer I was learning in.  My older cousin wants to teach me still but we live over 2,000 miles apart. I haven’t flown commercially as a passenger since January 2020. I haven’t had a pilot’s lesson from my cousin since 2002.

Autistic Life in Medical Quarantine 2 Years Later: What Happens After the Pandemic Is Gone?

I believe at some point that this will go away. I don’t believe this is going to be like the common cold because there has been a huge change in the number and types of vaccines. When this is over, I will be working towards Goddess Aesthetics & Yoga slowly taking clients back in. I will be able to travel or have my family come to see me and I’ll be able to hug them finally. Jeserae and I will open up the school we have been working on in the background. Every dollar that is spent with us goes to pay for us to continue to do what we are doing. If you like my blog but don’t have a lot of cash, please consider becoming a Patreon on Patreon. Every little bit helps.

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Gaslighting, Autism, and Everyday Society

Gaslighting is a problem that affects my life in ways that make it difficult for me to trust people. I am autistic and that one phrase since I’ve been diagnosed has gotten me in some pretty hot water. I thought that being diagnosed would give the people in my life answers, that it would bring me closer to the people who said that they wanted to help. Instead it has been a double-edged sword. My story isn’t the only one nor is my diagnosis the only one which has this issue. It’s sad to consider that right now there is at least 1 person who has been validly diagnosed by a doctor with conditions that are being gaslit right now. Today we are going to dive right into this problem to share illumination in hopes of a better future. 

What is Gaslighting?

Psychology Today defined it as:

“Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth.” (Psychology Today Staff)

It is possible for someone to unintentionally gaslight someone as well. In my case, I get told that I am lying about being autistic to being told that there is a cure for autism to being told that my seizures are all in my head. Each one of these items I have heard countless times. I have been told that since I am on state assistance that I am not working hard enough or that I haven’t looked hard enough for a job. It is difficult when your medical conditions restrict your available hours to work. Is it a manager’s problem when I can only work afternoon-evening when they have a morning position available? Nope, which is why I do what I do online. Every cent that is made is celebrated with joy. 

How Does Autism Recognize Gaslighting

If you take nothing else away from this article, please remember this; Autism will almost always PREVENT autistics from realizing that we have been gaslit the first time it happened to us. It may take multiple experiences with someone helping us through the processing of it to get it. The easiest way to put it, in my opinion, is I would never do something consciously so cruel nor have I seen any autistic person do this without learning the behavior from someone else being done to them. This is why gaslighting or any other pattern of abuse is extremely difficult for us to see then be able to process then handle the right way. Some ways autistics are actively gaslit are:

Denying their current sensory load

Denying a medical doctor’s clinical diagnosis, often requiring a psychologist or specialist to diagnose. 

Denying access to medical due to denial of medical conditions being valid

Denying their choice of pronouns/gender 

Denying infrastructure changes to allow everyone to enjoy the office/school to support autistic sensory needs.

Denying the ability to leave class/work to cool down.

Denying the ability to consent to engage in eye contact

Denying the ability to consent to when/if discussing stressful topics.

Denying the ability to continue routines.

Denying the ability to consent to space

Promoting the concept that there is something mentally wrong that needs to be fixed.

Comparing them to other people in your life who are neurotypical. 

Why Are Gaslighting and Autism a Dangerous Mix

I know it is really difficult for some people to believe, autistics come into this world fully trusting the world that everyone is communicating the truth. The most debilitating part of autism is not autism; it is how autistics are treated. It is how the school boards get away with not providing adequate safe learning environments inside the normal class by allowing discrimination to occur on anyone who is protected under civil rights law. It is changing the light bulbs because it is a problem (which if it was a spaghetti-strapped shirt it would have been taken care of). By invalidating these areas of life, we are teaching kids to not listen to their bodies or not reporting the changes when they are older to their doctors. By the schools segregating/discriminating against the special needs students, the school holds them back and teaches the “normal kids” to see us as being different than them. This causes cascades into the adult world where everything depends on the perception that an individual has of the autistic individual.

When adults are teaching adults that they need to mask who they are to fit into society then we fire them from their jobs due to meltdowns. Look how long it took for remote work to be accepted until a pandemic happened which forced many to only have remote. Mask or you don’t have work/friends/lovers/etc. Sadly, we have to come out as disabled/LGBTQ+/ethnic because society still clings to the abusive patterns of the past. Why can’t we all be accepted for who we are instead of insisting the star cut off its points just to fit into the pentagon’s hole? Yes, we shut down the asylums and we gave disability every right except to marry without losing benefits due to spousal income or flying in their motorized wheelchair. It’s these little things that prevent us from fully assimilating into society because there are compromises on both sides which need to happen first. One of the most important is removing the gaslighting behaviors of our forefathers from our society about any protected class. Any time that society makes an individual doubt their medical conditions or invalidates the stories of the missing due to race or profiles someone into a criminal based on their skin color is continuing dangerous behaviors which time and time again almost destroyed us. 

Okay, What About Autistics?

Autism is a double-edged sword when it comes to communication. On one hand, the need to communicate can be so overwhelming that it just comes out. When this happens, it is more than likely the absolute worst thing to say at the time. If the other person does not know of this, it is common that the discussion elevates to fight/flight/chase. Once it starts, it doesn’t stop until everything that has ever bothered the autistic during the relationship has been aired out to the autistic is completely burned out. During this time it is very common for gaslighting behaviors to be seen by the non-autistic person as being exhibited by the autistic person due to the amount of random verbal throw up that it is all the other person’s fault and that they don’t know what’s going on due to the other common communication problem, the shutdown.

It is important to think of this like a computer that is being asked to process too much information at a time. Shutdowns remove the communication ability away from the autistic. They sit in silence as blame is heaped upon them. Listening to repeated denials of their existence causes the verbal throwup in paragraph 1. This can come in three main forms:

Denial of whether or not x person is autistic

Denial of feeling as if x person is capable of competently running their lives

Denial of accommodations for sensory processing difficulties.

Okay, How Does This End?

This ends by people opening up to learning about Autism from the recent research being done. This takes a conscious effort to change. If anyone has ever expected an autistic individual to change behavior because it made them feel uncomfortable, then they should be willing to do the same. Therapy is a great tool in the toolbox but any stress-relieving tool will help.

Psychology Today Staff. “Gaslighting.” Psychology Today, Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting. Accessed 16 10 2021.

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The Strong in the Seizure

I’m going to write while I’m extremely symptomatic for seizures. Today’s topic, the strong in the seizure where I go through things that I use every day not only to give the props to the things that make my life less impacted but also to give insight for those who wonder how I manage when I am having my medical bad days.

The Strong in the Seizure: What Seizures?

I get this so often because the easiest way I have found to explain or people to understand is I am a female version of Dr. Strange. I can walk and talk and still seize since I likely have more than one type of seizure. To date, I still have no set diagnosis that paints a clear picture of what is going on. Some are more like epilepsy whereas the ones that started today are the former started by the PNES which means psychologically started seizure. Meaning if I get too stressed, my body has:

twitches

headache up to migraines

my muscles in my neck clench around my spine

my nerves are ablaze in fire

stomach convulsions

numbness/pins and needles in extremities

vertigo

slurred speech

breathing like I’m swimming underwater when I am sitting still 

eyes hurt especially around light

These started becoming exacerbated by medicine which is used to treat seizures/depression/etc. 

The Strong in the Seizure: Jeserae Baisch

My partner and I moved here to Oregon from other states and our families are primarily 2,000 mi+ away. Some days it was as simple as him keeping a call open as I walked home from visiting him at his job at a spa in Hillsboro. Before you jump to conclusions, he has to work as much as possible so that we can purchase a house and get out from underneath the rent game we have been playing.

The truth is he can’t stay home because he faces a ton of discrimination which is completely valid/understandable, it still keeps him from being 24/7 with me. This is why we are ever grateful for the clients who trust us enough to deal with the fact that he is a guy massage therapist in a house because it keeps him home with me. The reason I put him 1st is because of the daily sacrifices he makes to stay with me without complaint plus he can keep them down to a minimum due to the training he has/will be taking. 

Without him, I spike to 30-60 seizures a day which I never want to experience daily again. Jeserae is every bit of the definition of a caregiver which means he assists me so that I can maintain an independent lifestyle while pushing me to remain as independent as possible. We are hoping to move out of the home that we are renting so that we can build our own spa/school. The place that we are currently renting doesn't have the land necessary to build a new building specifically for our spa business needs. 

The Strong in the Seizure: My Many Computer Devices

One of the best ways to calm me is to distract myself. Depending on how bad the symptoms depend on which device I use. My favorite of course is our desktop which has a really big LED tv hooked up to it. Right now, the last thing I want to deal with is bright. My Samsung 20 ultra doesn’t have a battery left after traveling with me all day so my Samsung S7+ tablet is currently in use. I have a Logitech keyboard that allows me to type without opening my eyes. It also prevents the annoyance of dealing with voice typing with slurred speech. Multiple devices are necessary for my life to exist without being reminded how truly at my body’s mercy I am. I am an extremely active person so when I have to lay low and rest, it bothers me. 

The Strong in the Seizure: Meal Kits/Grocery Delivery/Restaurant Delivery

I am probably one of a few who have never had a driver’s license and I get constantly asked how I live without one. So when I don’t feel good, these many different options help me make sure that food gets on the table. Meal Kits are one of my favorite options (several are warm and eat) just because they helped me try new healthy recipes. I use grocery pickup/Delivery every week because I bike everywhere instead of driving. I also maintain a Grubhub subscription for the days when I am too sick or I am ordering for date night. 

I have tried (so far) Hello Fresh, Everyplate, Hello Chef, and Blue Apron. My favorite option for this is the heat and eat options (not in Everyplate). These are wonderful because I have days where cutting vegetables is something that I simply cannot do. If I order from Everyplate or I’m unable to get a heat and eat order, all the root veggies are cut/stored until use on a day that I am up to cutting them. It’s not impossible to live like me, it takes an extreme amount of planning to make sure everything is accomplished. Later this year, I hope to try others. 

The Strong in the Seizure: I Want to Ride My Bicycle 

Sometimes having my bike is freeing and sometimes it's not. Biking helps me put my body through "good stress" which helps me reprogram my body not to seize. If I'm feeling good, I'll bike in the bike lane but I also use my bike as a mobility assistant device which means when I'm not feeling well, I'm more than likely on the sidewalk. I've been in the process of getting an e-bike from the provided flex spending account since Dec of 2020. This isn't the only medical device that will greatly benefit my life and every year that goes by I lose a potential $2,500 in funding. I didn't realize this until 2021 and it makes me worried, even though I made sure everything was turned in by email on Dec 31. I'm hopeful that this will still work for 2021 instead of me losing $5,000 in funding. 

The reason I'm choosing to bring this up is many hear the benefits that disabled people have access to which causes a certain group of people to become inflamed due to State insurance/government programs being ones they can't get money from so they feel like we're getting too much free stuff. It's more than likely a highly stressful, long, almost abusive process full of multiple times of checking up on, multiple questions about sometimes embarrassing medical conditions, and explaining for hours how your life will benefit from x item. I, nor anyone, should have to wait for someone to feel like we are worthy when our lives are already putting us at a deficit. 

The Strong in the Seizure: Access Requested for Federal Cannabis

Yes, I use cannabis regularly. No, I don't have my card. It's difficult to get now because recreational cannabis is a thing. I've also been told unless I'm willing to try every other medication, x doctor wouldn't prescribe. My all-time favorite is we don't do that here because we would lose our Federal funding (even though pharma is rampant). This was echoed at Tuality and Orenco OSHU clinics. I am tired of the past discriminatory propaganda around a plant that HAS been used medicinally for over 5,000 years. 

This card allows me to travel with and practice while taking my pain/anti-seizure medication. I don't use it as a recreational drug. It is the only anti-seizure medication I have found which the majority of the time prevents me from seizing or if I have had a stress-induced seizure, it stops it. I also struggle with remembering to eat which also is an appetite stimulant. 

The Strong in the Seizure: Making Cleaning Less Impactful

Trips to the store are a thing. So how do I get cleaning products and which ones do I use to help me keep the house clean when I feel like burying myself in the bed for the day? Well, I use a company called Grove Collaborative (you’ve maybe heard or used them). I am not a paid partner at the time of writing this article. I love using their products because the cleaning sprays make my cleaning as enjoyable as it can be. All of the products that I use on a routine basis have refills so I am only using 1 glass bottle. I am working every day to find more sustainable ways to live not just because the planet is in danger but also since it is 1 less plastic bottle to recycle. 

Having just 1 sprayer to find for each product works better than having 15 empty plastic sprayers laying around the house. Refills also mean that I know when I am about to run out of refills because there are two per box. As soon as I open my last box of the Multi-Purpose refill, I place more in my cart for them to send the next time around. The refills also cut my cost in half. I don’t have to worry about bleach (allergic) or using them outside. For being a VIP, I get free shipping and a free full-sized gift. There is another free gift every month for using their app. Plus, every box I receive has a note of inspiration written on it. 

*This article was written when I was extremely symptomatic for seizures then edited today. 

*This article is the introduction of a series that I am working on.

[eyeofillumination]

Katerina's Lotus Meditations Origami Tote

Beauty in simplicity. Our origami tote combines an idea that is centuries old with a modern twist on materials and as always, the best quality in fabric printing. While we call it the Origami tote, you can fold our origami crepe cloth into a tote bag, use it as an impromptu picnic blanket, a scarf, or the most beautiful present wrapping. That’s the beauty of it.

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How to Use Yoga Nidra Over 5 Days to Sleep Better 

When one looks at the different varieties of yoga, one would place yoga nidra somewhere between meditation, present moment awareness, and sleep if looking at the different restorative practices of yoga as a spectrum. I use yoga nidra meditations to allow my body to sleep while attempting to keep my mind awake and aware. I practice this mainly for the therapeutic benefit I have experienced since starting this every night.

How to Use Yoga Nidra Over 5 Days to Sleep Better: The Challenge

We all sleep but it seems like many wake up feeling still sleepy or just generally don’t find rest during the night. It seems like there is more of a demand from the outside world for our attention than some may feel they have the supply for. As a yoga instructor and daily practitioner, I have seen the positive and therapeutic benefits in my life. It seems that the more that I focus on doing less in my day sometimes helps me do so much more throughout the week.

That is the whole purpose of seperating the practice over 5 days instead of 30. It is a lot easier to keep up with than 30 days and gives a good base for you to continue practicing long term if you prefer. I use this every night to increase the amount of time that my body is in a parasympathetic state which enhances my body's healing abilities. Yoga nidra gives me a space in which I can break the cycles of fatigue and stress which causes the different exhaustions that my body feels. We have all felt the three different types of exhaustion which could be either spiritual, emotional, physical or a mix between the three. 

How to Use Yoga Nidra Over 5 Days to Sleep Better: What to Expect

Each of the 5 days, you’ll lie down to practice over 15 minutes (or more) in yoga nidra meditation. Once that is done, breathe in deeply until your breath guides you to the area of your body or life which is causing exhaustion to appear in your life. Look closely for images, words, or phrases which appear when you have found what is exhausting you. If nothing appears, it is just as valid as when images/words/phrases appear. 

How to Use Yoga Nidra Over 5 Days to Sleep Better: How to Prepare

One of the ways that I have increased my ability to rest is to make the area that I sleep in is catered to increase not decrease rest. It’s not like I don’t have a healthy amount of electronics in the bedroom, I also make it a point to have plants in my room and I’m currently expanding into one of the bathrooms as well. I’d love to have plants in our treatment room in the future. The items which are very helpful to have available for me include:

bolsters or pillows to protect the knees

essential oil to calm

I play instrumental music during my meditation

How to Use Yoga Nidra Over 5 Days to Sleep Better: The Daily Routine

The first layer that needs to be explored is both in our energetic field and in our physical body at the same time. Even though the exhaustion feels physical, yoga gently reminds us that union between the physical body is key to obtaining the restful state that we are here for. It is important to focus on an intention while practicing yoga nidra. For this, I use “I am well-rested”.

Day 1: We Clean the Physical Body

Make sure to focus on the intention that you have chosen to feel rested during your 15-minute yoga nidra meditation.

After your session is complete, journal the ways in which you don’t feel safe.

Tip: Wearing red-colored clothing during your practice will help with feeling grounded, deeply rested, and safe.

Day 2: We Clean the Energy Body

Make sure to focus on the intention that you chose to feel rested during this 5 day practice while practicing yoga nidra.

Journal on some ways you can slow down.

Wear orange-colored clothing on day 5 to tap into your vitality, life force, and rhythm. 

Day 3: We Clean the Mental Body

Make sure that you focus on the intention that you have chosen to feel rested during your 15-minute yoga nidra meditation.

Journal about what darkness means personally to you and then write about the light.

Wear yellow-colored clothing to begin transforming your mind, greeting emotions, and activating your power. 

Day 4: Clean the Wisdom Body

Make sure that you focus on the intention that you have chosen for your 15-minute meditation.

Write in your journal afterward about what your intuition would say if it could speak.

Wear indigo or white-colored clothing to activate your intuition, higher consciousness, and soul.

Day 5: We Clean the Bliss Body

Make sure to focus on the intention that you chose to feel rested on the final night of this series for 15 minutes.

In your journal answer the questions of who are you when all of society/world views are stripped away and how can you expand yourself so the inner you is more present in the outside world?

Wear green or pink colors to increase your spiritual connectedness, to be better connected to your life purpose, and free yourself from suffering. These colors activate your heart energy and give it an extra boost but are not mandatory.

How to Use Yoga Nidra Over 5 Days to Sleep Better: The End in the Beginning

At the end of your five days, take a moment to review all the journal entries you made. Make sure to circle the phrases or words that you first see when you look at the page before your mind has a chance to think about them. What I do is place my words or phrases in a jar and pick one out each day to meditate for five minutes into how I can bring that topic into my life or the world more. When I feel they have been resolved, I take them out of the jar. Practicing in a seated position will help decrease the likelihood that you will fall asleep during your meditation.

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Amen Jin's Blue Sun Koi Meditations Dress

Make a statement and look fabulous in this all-over printed, fitted dress. • 82% polyester, 18% spandex • Fabric weight: 6.61 oz/yd² (224 g/m²) • Made with smooth, comfortable microfiber yarn • Material has a four-way stretch • Blank product components sourced from China

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Amen Jin's Blue Sun Koi Meditations T-shirt dress

This dress is the swiss knife of all dresses—it’ll look great almost anywhere. Dress it up with a jacket or give it a more casual vibe with a pair of sneakers. Wear it as a nightie or even as a part of your street style outfit—the options are endless. The comfortable oversize fit proves that comfy can also be stylish! • Made from 96% polyester, 4% spandex • Smooth and stretchy fabric • Fabric weight: 6.19 oz/yd² (210 g/m2) • Lowered armhole with a widened sleeve and a drop shoulder • Comfortable oversize fit • Blank product components in Mexico sourced from the US • Blank product components in the EU sourced from Lithuania

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The Art of Blood Bending Illustrated e-book

My idea of Blood Bending took shape over a number of years as I gained experience in massage, yoga, Tai Chi, Chi Gong, and personal training. By combining different styles, it gave me a unique perspective on the body and how it works. As I combined different bodywork styles, I quickly realized that blood was a key element in all of them. Extra blood flow both strengthens and relaxes the body. With this knowledge, came the understanding of how easy it is to get a muscle to release once new blood flows into it.  The new blood is able to wash and flush the tension from the muscles.  Tension has both a physical and mental component that extra blood flow helps to balance out.

Background art and redesign by Katerina Hannah

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Eye of Illumination Gift Card

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Gift card only valid for Eye of Illumination Designs, physical glass items, and/or ebooks hosted through this site. At this time, services and classes are not eligible for this gift card.

If interested in purchasing a gift card for services and/or classes, please text 503-388-0196 for more information.

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The Art of Blood Bending e-book

My idea of Blood Bending took shape over a number of years as I gained experience in massage, yoga, Tai Chi, Chi Gong, and personal training. By combining different styles, it gave me a unique perspective on the body and how it works. As I combined different bodywork styles, I quickly realized that blood was a key element in all of them. Extra blood flow both strengthens and relaxes the body. With this knowledge, came the understanding of how easy it is to get a muscle to release once new blood flows into it.  The new blood is able to wash and flush the tension from the muscles.  Tension has both a physical and mental component that extra blood flow helps to balance out.

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7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose

I am always looking for new meditation practices to change up my daily routine. Sometimes it is nice to break up the monotony of the day but sorting through meditation styles is not a meditative journey for me. This is compounded by the advent of hybrids as meditation styles become more popular in the West.

Meditation is a great way to cultivate good mental wellbeing. It also can be beneficial to the physical body as well. Some meditations can be during walking or the assumed lotus position most people envision that comes to mind when one hears the word. 

7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose: Practicing at the Desk

Work can be stressful to say the least. If you find yourself stressed at work and have the ability, take a few minutes to try Dzogchen. This form of Tantric meditation is perfect for testing out at your desk by being aware of everything, placing no higher level of awareness on one object over the other. To practice, allow your eyes to remain open while avoiding labeling any feelings, sensations, and/or thoughts. 

7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose: Searching for Enlightenment

Vipassana is a variety of meditation techniques which are meant to assist the practitioner to access deeper levels of consciousness. The practice goes back around 2,500 years. Vipassana in Sanskrit means insight and it may come once the mind has been calmed using a simple breathing technique or add new, more advanced, techniques for a more customized meditation. Some of these may include using props or dissecting arguments and concepts. 

7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose: Practicing Whenever You Feel the Need to Find Forgiveness

For those who feel the need to find forgiveness in their lives, lovingkindness meditation can be a welcome relief. Lovingkindness is similar to Tibetan traditions which revolve around compassion. Lovingkindness is a newer form of meditation where the practioner often repeats a mantra which is related to suffering and fear. The purpose is to have the practitioner's focus shift the intention to yourself and people in the practitioner's life. 

7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose: For Those Who Have Trouble Sitting Still

While similar to Kundalini, Qi Going is a method of Taoist meditation. This uses the practitioner's breathe to circle the practitioner’s energy throughout the practitioner’s body which then alters the practitioner’s consciousness over time. This can be useful for those who have trouble sitting still by allowing them the space and awareness to focus on their breath.

7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose: For Those Who Are Looking for More Energy

Kundalini is a common meditation practice which bridges yoga with philosophy. Kundalini is also the name of energy within Tantric Yoga. In this practice, the kundalini energy flows up through each chakra from tail to crown and beyond. In the meditation practice, the practitioner will move this energy by using their breath.

7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose: For Those Who Want an Out of Body Meditative Experience

Some of you may be looking for more than just this world has to offer. Transcendental meditation practitioners look to transcend any impermanence of this world. To try this meditation, sit in a position which will be comfortable before settling your mind to focus on a specific mantra while actively changing the breath to alter your state of mind. 

7 Meditation Styles to Try If Searching for a Daily Practice with a Purpose: For Those Who Are Looking for Rules and Guidelines

Zazen is the traditional form of meditation that everyone pictures when thinking about meditation at first. In zazen, the practitioner sits in a seated pose with hands holding the cosmic mudra. As the practitioner focuses on the breath, there are certain thoughts that will surface until the practitioner has let them go. This happening multiple times in a session or overtime over repeating thoughts is not seen as a sign of failure, however, it is seen as an understanding that it will take longer than just the one time to properly let it go.  This is the same practice that Buddha used which is why it is one of the most recognized on this list.

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Gaslighting, Autism, and Everyday Society

Gaslighting is a problem that affects my life in ways that make it difficult for me to trust people. I am autistic and that one phrase since I’ve been diagnosed has gotten me in some pretty hot water. I thought that being diagnosed would give the people in my life answers, that it would bring me closer to the people who said that they wanted to help. My story isn’t the only one nor is my diagnosis the only one which has this issue. It’s sad to consider that right now there is at least 1 person who has been validly diagnosed by a doctor with conditions that are being gaslit right now. Today we are going to dive right into this problem to share illumination in hopes of a better future. 

What is Gaslighting?

Psychology Today defined it as:

“Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth.” (Psychology Today Staff)

It is possible for someone to unintentionally gaslight someone as well. In my case, I get told that I am lying about being autistic to being told that there is a cure for autism to being told that my seizures are all in my head. Each one of these items I have heard countless times. I have been told that since I am on state assistance that I am not working hard enough or that I haven’t looked hard enough for a job. It is difficult when your medical conditions restrict your available hours to work. Is it a manager’s problem when I can only work afternoon-evening when they have a morning position available? Nope, which is why I do what I do online. Every cent that is made is celebrated with joy. 

How Does Autism Recognize Gaslighting

If you take nothing else away from this article, please remember this; Autism will almost always PREVENT autistics from realizing that we have been gaslit the first time it happened to us. It may take multiple experiences with someone helping us through the processing of it to get it. The easiest way to put it, in my opinion, is I would never do something consciously so cruel nor have I seen any autistic person do this without learning the behavior from someone else being done to them. This is why gaslighting or any other pattern of abuse is extremely difficult for us to see then be able to process then handle the right way. Some ways autistics are actively gaslit are:

Denying their current sensory load

Denying a medical doctor’s clinical diagnosis, often requiring a psychologist or specialist to diagnose. 

Denying access to medical due to denial of medical conditions being valid

Denying their choice of pronouns/gender 

Denying infrastructure changes to allow everyone to enjoy the office/school to support autistic sensory needs.

Denying the ability to leave class/work to cool down.

Denying the ability to consent to engage in eye contact

Denying the ability to consent to when/if discussing stressful topics.

Denying the ability to continue routines.

Denying the ability to consent to space

Promoting the concept that there is something mentally wrong that needs to be fixed.

Comparing them to other people in your life who are neurotypical. 

Why Are Gaslighting and Autism a Dangerous Mix

I know it is really difficult for some people to believe, autistics come into this world fully trusting the world that everyone is communicating the truth. The most debilitating part of autism is not autism; it is how autistics are treated. It is how the school boards get away with not providing adequate safe learning environments inside the normal class by allowing discrimination to occur on anyone who is protected under civil rights law. It is changing the light bulbs because it is a problem which if it was a spaghetti-strapped t-shirt would have been taken care of. By invalidating these areas of life, we are teaching kids to not listen to their bodies or not reporting the changes when they are older to their doctors. By the schools segregating/discriminating against the special needs students, the school holds them back and teaches the “normal kids” to see us as being different than them. This causes cascades into the adult world where everything depends on the perception that an individual has of the autistic individual.

When adults are teaching adults that they need to mask who they are to fit into society then we fire them from their jobs due to meltdowns. Look how long it took for remote work to be accepted until a pandemic happened which forced many to only have remote. Mask or you don’t have work/friends/lovers/etc. Sadly, we have to come out as disabled/LGBTQ+/ethnic because society still clings to the abusive patterns of the past. Why can’t we all be accepted for who we are instead of insisting the star cut off its points just to fit into the pentagon’s hole? Yes, we shut down the asylums and we gave disability every right except to marry without losing benefits due to spousal income or flying in their motorized wheelchair. It’s these little things that prevent us from fully assimilating into society because there are compromises on both sides which need to happen first. One of the most important is removing the gaslighting behaviors of our forefathers from our society about any protected class. Any time that society makes an individual doubt their medical conditions or invalidates the stories of the missing due to race or profiles someone into a criminal based on their skin color is continuing dangerous behaviors which time and time again almost destroyed us. 

Okay, What About Autistics?

Autism is a double-edged sword when it comes to communication. On one hand, the need to communicate can be so overwhelming that it just comes out. When this happens, it is more than likely the absolute worst thing to say at the time. If the other person does not know of this, it is common that the discussion elevates to fight/flight/chase. Once it starts, it doesn’t stop until everything that has ever bothered the autistic during the relationship has been aired out to the autistic is completely burned out. During this time it is very common for gaslighting behaviors to be seen by the non-autistic person as being exhibited by the autistic person due to the amount of random verbal throw up that it is all the other person’s fault and that they don’t know what’s going on due to the other common communication problem, the shutdown.

It is important to think of this like a computer that is being asked to process too much information at a time. Shutdowns remove the communication ability away from the autistic. They sit in silence as blame is heaped upon them. Listening to repeated denials of their existence causes the verbal throwup in paragraph 1. This can come in three main forms:

Denial of whether or not x person is autistic

Denial of feeling as if x person is capable of competently running their lives

Denial of accommodations for sensory processing difficulties.

Okay, How Does This End?

This ends by people opening up to learning about Autism from the recent research being done. This takes a conscious effort to change. If anyone has ever expected an autistic individual to change behavior because it made them feel uncomfortable, then they should be willing to do the same. Therapy is a great tool in the toolbox but any stress-relieving tool will help.

Psychology Today Staff. “Gaslighting.” Psychology Today, Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting. Accessed 16 10 2021.

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What is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome and How Does It Affect Massage?

To understand this feeling, sit in a comfortable position and relax while breathing deeply. Allow that feeling of deep relaxation signaling your parasympathetic body state. After allowing your body to relax, stand up as fast as you can. Some people will get dizzy and they may even fall over so use caution when doing this. Ideally, our body’s autonomic nervous system will keep your body stable without you having to think about it, even during periods where the body rapidly changes its position. There are some people whose autonomous nervous system fails which can cause them to fall.

What is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome?

The main focus of this article is postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome which is a type of dysautonomia. The structure of what the ANS does is to operate the control of your hypothalamus. It controls the hypothalamus by using a network of motor neurons. It is important for those reading this with little understanding of the autonomic nervous system to remember that this helps us maintain our bodies' stable state throughout the day, even if the environment that we are in changes.

In its function, the autonomic nervous system provides the motor signals to glands and muscles that allow us to respond in real-time to our environment. This is all handled without any conscious thought which is how:

your heartbeats

you breath

your blood pressure is regulated

digestion

many more processes.

These motor signals are divided into sympathetic (fight/flight) or parasympathetic (rest/digest).

Dysautonomia occurs in the body when the way we respond to our environment becomes problematic due to the ANS neurons malfunctioning. This can manifest as exaggerated or suppressed reactions in the parasympathetic or sympathetic responses.

“Symptoms include fainting, cardiovascular issues, and breathing problems. It is linked to conditions such as Parkinson’s disease and diabetes." (Newman and Biggers M.D.)

It is important to remember that this doesn’t mean that every person who has dysautonomia will have the same symptoms. Dysautonomia is primarily seen as more of an umbrella term for this reason. There are many conditions that would be considered to be types of dysautonomia which range between various categories such as:

acute/reversible-chronic

freestanding-secondary to another medical condition.

POTS refers to a group of symptoms and signs that include tachycardia when in an upright position. This prevents the body from being able to maintain a steady blood pressure which affects many of the body’s other systems. This can cause fatigue, nausea, fainting, migraines, chest pains, and/or palpitations. At this time, there is no known source of POTS. There is no cure for POTS. Treatments are aimed more at managing symptoms which often include exercise, changing their diet, raising the head of their bed while sleeping, or wearing compressive garments.

Common Types of Dysautonomia

Even though this post is focusing on Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, it is still important to give a brief understanding of the others for context. Some of the other types of Dysautonomia are:

Pure Autonomic failure includes orthostatic hypotension along with the possible inclusion of urinary retention, digestive problems, decreased sweating, sexual dysfunction, and heat intolerance

Neurocardiogenic syncope causes unpredictable fainting spells

Autoimmune autonomic neuropathy is an attack that the immune system enacts on acetylcholine receptors. This can manifest as motor disturbances with sensory problems.

Multiple System Atrophy may affect peripheral nervous and brain function. This condition mimics the aspects of ataxia and Parkinson’s where voluntary coordination are affected although it typically targets mature adults, is progressive, and is terminal.

Other types can be seen from alcoholism, long-term toxic exposure, peripheral nerve damage, and untreated diabetes.

POTS and Massage

For those who have POTS and have spoken to their doctor, massage may be a wonderful tool to add to the care plan. Massage helps boost the ability to cope and the sense of inner strength that it takes to live with this condition. If the thought of being horizontal for a prolonged amount of time has your head spinning, here are some accommodations that may alleviate the concern:

If heat-sensitive, please allow the front counter to know when you make your appointment which will allow the maximum amount of time to cool the room.

Schedule a shorter session if offered.

Make sure to communicate with the therapist if you need extra assistance at the end of the session to sit upright on the table once the massage is over.

Make sure that the therapist ends with stimulating strokes to help ease the lightheaded symptoms when getting ready to leave the room.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. We disclaim any liability for the decisions you make based on this information.

Newman, Tim, and Alana Biggers M.D. “What's to know about dysautonomia?” Medical News Today, 27 7 2017, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/76785. Accessed 1 10 2021.

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What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old?

Last week, I posted an article about what it might be like to be a parent of an autistic child for the first five years. Today I'd like to continue the series into the next stage of life, between 6-11 years of age. So what would it be like to have an autistic child between 6-11 years old?

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: 6 Years Old and Full of Energy

Finally through the heartbreak of the first 5 years, this kiddo is primed to explore everything. Autistic kids are often way more energetic which means that traditional school can be a nightmare. Social skills are also in desperate need because having friends is highly important, maybe more so than peers who are not autistic/neurodivergent.

Friends can offer safety and aid in case your child is being picked on by students or staff. When looking for friends, your child may not be the best judge of character and may believe the children who pick on them are their friends. This is part of the stranger danger which autistics are often left cruely wide open for. Teaching your child to watch how other kids talk about them to them or others is the difference between forming healthy relationships for the rest of their lives.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: Year 7

Hopefully, by now we have at minimum 1 solid friend and a supportive IEP. If the school doesn't work, don't fight your child. Instead research other options (some do better in homeschool while others might need private) which fit your child's needs. You are your chold’s advocate and with an army of doctors/therapists, you know what works best. The key to a successful autistic child is making the world adjust to your child's needs. A supported autistic child can graduate highschool at 13 why force them to wait until 18 because it's normal?

At 7, your bright eyed child needs stimulation without overstimulation. This is a great time to invest in museums and art gallery trips which offer quiet places of reflection. Parks are a great way to get some zoom time for your little zoomer. Investing in an electric bike for yourself and taking bike trips to the store or appointments might make things a bit smoother than cars. Not only are you giving a positive outlet for all that energy, you're also teaching important road safety skills which your child will use for the rest of their life. When they have learned how to ride their own bike, they can ride with you on their own.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: Age 8

By now, school and life should be flowing easily. Autistic kids often are up at different hours than their non-autistic peers which shouldn't be adjusted. If public school hours are not within healthy limits, switching to homeschool and keeping that routine will be far easier. Your child will eventually be an adult which enables them then to set their own schedule. Having your child set that schedule may mean adjustments for you who is better equipped to handle it than an 8 year old child. Doctors will offer sleeping medication as a solution but changing your child's natural circadian rhythm while teaching them that they need a drug to fit in is definitely something each parent needs to consider.

I know for me, the medications that I was forced to take caused serious side effects which still affect me over 15 years AFTER I took my last pill and affect me to the point where I lose days of work.

At age 8, the world is full of wonder and joy. Definitely the time for Disney trips and Disney does an amazing job at working with their disabled guests to ensure the best stay possible. Definitely make sure to say your child is autistic will decrease the time you are actively waiting in line, can get you access to quiet areas, and allows the staff to know to help you wrangle a meltdown if they see your child in destress. Definitely expanding your child's travel diary will help your child better adjust to a changing life instead of routine life.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: 9 Years And Going

By age 9, school should be a breeze. If not, adjust the school/try a new school/move to homeschool. Having a few extra curricular activities for them is going to help them succeed and get peer time either with adults or other kids. It is true that we often shrink from social situations but that is often due to discrimination we have faced in the past which has gone unnoticed. Autistic children love being involved.

At this age, it might be good to have them in a self-defense class like martial arts so that they can defend themselves. Autistics are often targeted and keeping the focus on teaching them how to handle the situation before it arises is better then them being seriously hurt.

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: Double Digits Here We Come

Yay for being 10! By now, you’re probably considering the big C and T. College should definitely be something that is pre-planned (not the where but the other logistics like money). It's hard setting up sometimes with the extra finances so starting sooner than later is key. Also starting to teach your child strategies to remove peer pressure so they can focus on maintaining their needs in a healthy way can reduce the amount of time it takes them to learn the hard way.

The same thing goes for the big teen years. Focusing on building a trusting relationship now with aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. who are healthy for your child to have a relationship with can increase your ability to stay in the know when they are teens. Teenagers will often tell someone else they trust things that they can't tell their parents (often should).

What Would It Be Like Having an Autistic Child Who’s 6-11 Years Old: The Last Year of Childhood

Like any kid, your child is chomping at the bit for independence. At 11 it can be difficult because the pre-teen mood swings have come. Other kids have tech and you may have tinkered with tech as a therapy or communication tool already. If you haven't, making sure that your kiddo has a cellphone will help you keep a way to communicate when your child is away from you. Having the ability to fully begin to take care of themselves including shopping for food for themselves and clean up the house after themselves is key to building the self care routine that will be with them their entire lives.

As an aunt of several autistics and being an autistic myself, I know that the old way of raising the child by forcing an infinity peg in a square hole isn't going to work. I have had to relearn so many things about myself because I was forced to change my healthy habits for disfunctional chaos that taught me to ignore my body's symptoms which later almost cost me the ability to walk or talk. Autistics are very good at letting their needs be known and what they don't like equally known.

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What Would It Be Like: Having an Autistic Child for the First Five Years?

Have you ever wondered what it is like for a parent to have an autistic child? Many of us know someone, but we rarely understand what it really feels like. Some of us have seen the special needs of the child and the extra care they must need. But what would it be like to have an autistic child? This article is the first of three spanning from birth to the age of eighteen.

What Would It Be Like: Birth to First Year

Having an autistic is certainly interesting at any age. To begin, we will start with the beginning of life.  From the day your child is born, you might notice something off. Autism within the first six months is really difficult to notice. Autism itself is rarely diagnosed by age one. You may notice a milestone late or early. Nothing to really say anything is different, just the understanding that something IS different. Family and friends are a mixture of validation ranging from denial, mentions of post Partum depression, acceptance, allyship.

What Would It Be Like: One Year Old, Here We Go!

One-year-old autistic children are still typically pretty “typical”.  Your child should have some basic gestures and tries to parrot the words you are saying.  They have found ways to get your attention and use them quite well.  Exploratory, inquisitive, and following simple directions, your child will be on the way to success, quelling concerns that were felt earlier.

Until a gap begins to emerge. This is typically is seen in the social, language, or cognitive areas in your child’s development. The gap could be a week to several months for their peers. You may even start to notice a strangeness in your child’s behavior.  You might simply chalk it up to a little unfounded anxiety, just as your family and friends.

What Would It Be Like: Between Two and Four, the Uh-oh Years

Between the difficult years of two and four, most of the developmental setbacks that are commonly seen in autistic children is around the second year of your child’s life. The missed milestones are nothing compared to the heartbreak of regression. Regression is when all the progress that your child has made gets stripped away. You literally have to start everything from scratch. From what most parents will tell you, it seems that the child is not aware that they are regressing. It is like a switch that erases their current achievements. Early intervention programs through many of the public school districts help with that problem. This is one of the hardest periods for most parents and not every child is the same.

“I didn't experience regression which made it harder for people to understand what was different about me.” Katerina

Many parents at this age will start scouring the internet for any information on what having an autistic child will be like. It is important to get your information from doctors because they study. It is also problematic because not every doctor is on the autism isn’t a dream killer page yet. Many will immediately want to medicate your child which may or may not work for your child. For the day-to-day support, there is nowhere better than the autistic kids who grew up and are now advocating for real change in how the world sees us. There is a great nonprofit which is Autistic run (very important) called Neuroclastic which is a great resource instead of Autism Speaks which has had a very colorful past. Neurodivergent Rebel is one of my favorite advocates to follow because they cover everything literally that we can go through including in the workforce. This is something I always hear when parents who are not autistic find out they have an autistic child.

The OTHER elephant in the room is meltdowns. Meltdowns at these ages are worst than a typical toddler fit. These children are literally experiencing sensory processing differences than their peers. One of the most commonly seen expressions of this is in clothing choices, particularly pj's. What parents don't often get is that it's typically the feel of the fabric is what is setting the meltdown into motion. Just because said kiddo has ended the FIRST meltdown doesn’t mean that an EQUAL if not WORSE meltdown isn’t on the way due to the offensive outfit being worn. As adults, we are allowed a choice when it comes to what we wear. We need to release the need to control kids to the nth degree just for our own ego’s satisfaction. It is an unpopular truth but that is the crux of parenting autistic children at this age.

It is also a great idea to start communicating with your doctor as soon as any of the meltdowns begin. There are therapies which can help relieve the stress and strain for everyone in the immediate family that needs help. Waiting until the literal poop hits the fan will only mean waiting longer for structure to return.

What Would It Be Like: Year Five

By your child’s fifth birthday, you should have a diagnosis and the school helping you. Regular meetings with teachers to discuss the goals that your child needs to meet will be held. These are called IEP meetings. You can make any necessary adjustments your child’s education that makes it easier for your child to go through school.  Outside of school, different appointments like speech and occupational therapy are great opportunities to help your child function better in this world. It's sad to consider the fact that this world is not designed as much for autistics/neurodivergents which means that we have to find ways of living. I have to wear shade #3 glassblowing glasses whenever I am around florescent lights, for example. There are so many ways we could change little everyday things to where autistic children would have a very similar educational experience that their parents will be painfully aware of more than the child. It is important for the community to help in support, understanding, and kindness.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. We disclaim any liability for the decisions you make based on this information. We also encourage you to comment as well. We value your opinion.

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5 Ways that Massage Helps Me as Autistic Person

My favorite form of therapy has to be massage. I know, it’s not what you expected. In fact, like so many aspects of my life, my need for massage therapy pushes the boundaries of what most people think when they think of “autism therapy”. Here are the 5 Ways that Massage Helps Me Thrive as an Autistic Person.

5 Ways that Massage Helps Me Thrive as an Autistic Person: Touch

I like touch by the people who are closest to me. I am over-sensitive to touch but I also have several other medical conditions which make my body hurt. I don’t go to a spa, I go to a private massage therapist, Jeserae Baisch. Massage helps me regulate when my body is over-registering all the stimulation that is coming at me because my energy field is being regulated by someone other than me. 

5 Ways that Massage Helps Me Thrive as an Autistic Person: Visual Release

I have migraines which can make my sight hurt. I have been through some pretty crazy things with no pain meds but migraines demand everything to change. Having my massage therapist working shiatsu on my head gets rid of all that noise. Not the pain, the halo that the migraines/seizures produce. Having those pressure points release releases my sinus pressure that migraines are known to cause. I am oversensitive to most pharmaceutical medications which makes massage and yoga that much more important to me for the pain relief they hold.

5 Ways that Massage Helps Me Thrive as an Autistic Person: Auditory Release

Okay, so most people don’t realize that you can pick your music. At Transcendence Massage & Yoga, we use Spotify on our phones so that people have something they enjoy. I am different from most people which makes it difficult to walk into a corporate spa. Having familiar sounds vibrating through my body is a whole different type of healing.  

5 Ways that Massage Helps Me Thrive as an Autistic Person: Emotional Release

My massage therapist is Jeserae Baisch. I have been massaged by him for the last 9 years. It is amazing to have a massage therapist as a partner but he is the only one that I trust. This is key because having a massage therapist who supports you is an amazing concept for an Autistic. We are often discriminated against by people which makes it difficult to form relationships. Having a weekly or monthly appointment with someone who wants you to feel better physically can be an amazing start to feeling safe to form other relationships.

5 Ways that Massage Helps Me Thrive as an Autistic Person: Consent is Key

Consent and communication are key in massage therapy. Before the massage therapist starts, they will ask you to get on the table but first, they will ask you to dress down to your comfort level. Having this much control over which massage lotion/creme/oil is used, if aromatherapy is used, or whether the massage pressure needs to be adjusted. At any point, I can end the massage and my massage therapist knows that if I slap the table 3 times, we immediately need to stop so that I can process something. This is key for me because there are times when I am not capable of saying stop.

For me, massage therapy is a positive therapeutic activity that I often enjoy. This does not mean that it will work for everyone but it is always worth a try. Autism is a spectrum that does not affect everyone the same way.