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[firsttimewriter92]

I would love a sirius x reader fic set during OoTP where the reader works at the Ministry while being part of the Order like Arthur and Kingsley, and she's staying at Grimmauld Place with Sirius. She often comes home to find him drunk and touch-starved during the school year when the only other person in the house is Kreacher. thanks xx

Hello dear anon :) I know it´s been a while since you sent me this ask. I hope you´re still in the mood for it :P I kept it pretty tame but there´s a lot of angst and it developed into a huge slow burn. Hope that´s all right and everyone enjoyes it <3

Words: 7.536

Warnings: Angst, cursing, (f!) hufflepuff reader, mentions of Sirius being bisexual, kissing, slow burn, fluff

12 Years

“Oh, for fucks sake, not again” you whisper sighed as you entered the kitchen at Grimmauld Place number 12. “Third time this week” you grumbled as you looked at Sirius´ slumped over figure sitting on the polished wooden table. His arms cushioned his head that was laying on the surface, an almost empty bottle of fire whisky next to him. No glass.

Taking off your shawl and coat you walked over to him to assess the damage. It wasn´t as bad as it usually was. At least this time he was clothed.

Three months ago, your boss and mentor Kingsley Shacklebolt had brought you to your first order meeting. The moment he told you what the order was and what they did, you exploded on him. Why didn’t he tell you about this order sooner? Didn’t he trust you enough? Wasn’t he confident enough in your abilities? Kingsley had just stood there stoically, letting you spit fire at him. When you´d finished, Kingsley sighed deeply and started explaining his reluctance to you.

He knew. Of course, he did. He knew who you´d meet again, once you set foot into headquarters and he didn’t know how you´d react. He was right to do so actually. The first time your eyes had met those of Sirius Black, it had flared up again. That nauseating feeling that haunted you for 14 years. Guilt, sadness and loneliness were flooding your system with only a small glimmer of hope and relief.

It was so surreal to have him in your general vicinity again. Two years younger than him, your time at Hogwarts had been the happiest you´ve ever felt. When puberty hit you like a freight train and the mischief of James Potter and Sirius Black became legendary, your hormones betrayed you in the worst possible way. A major crush on the black-haired teenager formed itself inside your chest over the years. Clawing at your ribcage every time you saw him in the corridors, you hated the feeling. You hated his beautiful face, you hated that your body reacted the way it did.

As a Hufflepuff and general people pleaser you´d despised his arrogance and his devil may care attitude. Especially towards the swarms of girls hanging onto the seem of his cloak. You´d stolen glances from afar, never exchanging a word with him. You paid attention instead. You saw everything and liked only so much. His pranks amused you; his bullying infuriated you, his attentiveness to his friends and the younger students warmed you. 

Sometimes, especially after the holidays, you saw him sitting in the great hall amongst his friends, a dull and empty look in his eyes and your heart had squeezed so painfully that you had to look away. About a second later, when you dared to look again, he was grinning and joking like nothing had happened.

And then, one year into your Auror training, your world came crashing down on you. You arrived at the ministry and immediately felt the air buzzing with dread and excited relief all at once. Grabbing the daily prophet that was handed to you with shaking fingers, your knees gave out then and there. Sirius´ face, screaming and laughing manically, stared at you. Ice replaced your blood as you´d read the news.

James and Lily dead. The dark Lord gone; a little boy still alive. Sirius? A cold-blooded murderer and traitor; already in a cell in Azkaban. You refused to believe it. You refused! James was more than a friend to Sirius. There was no way he was a death eater. Sirius had never made a secret about his hatred towards his family or how much he loved his friends.

That´s when your letters had begun bombarding the ministry.

__________________________________________________________

Now, here at Grimmauld place, you had to watch Sirius fight every day just to try and keep his sanity. Between the usual order meetings and the children coming to visit for the holidays, he drank himself to sleep every night. And ever since you´d moved into one of the bedrooms upstairs, you helped him into bed or at least onto a couch every night. Dumbledor was the one who´d asked you if you wanted one of the rooms upstairs. “Less commute” he´d said, remembering your dislike of apparating quite vividly. When asked if he had any objections, Sirius had only grunted before disappearing into Buckbeak´s room.

He wasn´t always unpleasant, however. Sometimes you did have conversations when meeting in the library by chance, although they´d always turned out quite meaningless. You couldn’t figure out if he wanted you there or not.

Around the holidays when the house was full, so his heart seemed to be. He warmed up to you, brought you tea, filled your plate at dinner (much to the surprise of everyone at the table) and conversed with you a little more enthusiastically. At these rare occasions you began to see glimpses of the flamboyant teenager return into his grey eyes and his small grins. Your heart beginning to flutter in your chest yet again. Then the teenagers returned to Hogwarts and so did Sirius´ sour mood.

It was about two weeks after Christmas now and therefore the 14th day of you finding Sirius black out drunk early in the evening. You walked over to the cabinet in the corner of the kitchen and pulled out the last flask of potion you´d brewed for him. It usually woke him up enough for you to be able to manoeuvre him around and lessen his hangover the next day. You hadn’t quite figured out how to make it potent enough to get rid of his drunkenness completely. It was an immensely complicated brew.

Sighing, you uncorked the flask and moved Sirius into a sitting position. He mumbled something and flopped around in your arms like a rag doll. Leaning his head back you put the flask to his mouth and poured. Sirius tried to get out of your grip very weakly and some of the potion spilled from the side of his mouth. “Come on, Sirius, please” you said urgently. “Swallow, damn it.” He finally did. When the flask was empty you gently guided his head back onto the table and waited.

You knew he wouldn’t be sober when he woke up but at least he would be coherent enough to work with. Slowly he began to stir. His head lifted and with a deep groan he leaned back into his chair, holding the bridge of his nose. The long black mass of hair on his head was dishevelled but still wavy and bouncy as it had been all these years ago. The little streaks of grey on his temples and in his beard only contributed to his still very much intact attractiveness.

Sirius wiped at his mouth absentmindedly and opened his eyes. Grey orbs found yours sitting across from him immediately. Instantly you recognized the defiance in them. Great.

“I asked you to give me that shit in the mornings. Not when I´m trying to sleep” he croaked hoarsely in a cold voice. You rolled your eyes. “I´m not letting you sleep at the table, Sirius. Not when you own a bed upstairs. But I can´t lift your arse, so…” you shrugged and looked at him challengingly. You´d figured out quite quickly that trying to be compassionate and soft with him in these situations had no impact whatsoever. Sirius huffed and wiped at his face again to try and gain more control over his movements.

“Never asked you to do that” he slurred slowly. Hot annoyance burned your throat when you answered in a hiss. “´S better than you trying to climb some stairs, falling backwards and breaking your fucking neck.” Sirius laughed humourlessly and looked you straight in the face.

“Not so sure about that.” He had a weird glimmer in his slightly sunken eyes.

“For fucks sake, Sirius!” you yelled as your fist hit the table. Sirius flinched only slightly as you regarded him with a furious look. “Could you at least pretend that you care about your own life? I know you´re lonely and frustrated. I´m sorry I´m annoying you by staying here but the order still needs you! Harry needs you!” You knew you had him with that. His godson seemed to be his only lifeline sometimes. “I won´t pretend to know what you had to go through, Sirius. But you´ve been given a second chance at this, even though you didn’t even get a first one. And you´re drinking it away. Stop it!”

Sirius looked at you for a long time. Breathing heavily his eyes threw daggers at you and internally you just waited for him to cuss you out. That didn’t happen though. Sirius stood up from his chair without breaking eye contact with you. You didn’t like the way he started walking over to you, almost predatory. So, you stood as well and backed away against the table. Of course, you´d crossed a line.

Watching him step closer and closer you had no idea what he was trying to do. The moment he stood right in front of you, his breath hit your face. It reeked of alcohol, and you crunched your nose a little bit. Sirius grinned, showing off his sharp canines.

“You´re worried about me” he sang triumphantly but couldn’t quite remove the belittlement from his voice. Even though you were sure he could feel the heat emitting from your face, your stomach churned with rage instead of shame. “At least someone is” you hissed quietly. He ignored it and only raised a single black eyebrow. You hated how good he looked doing that.

“Don´t tell me,” He breathed and leaned down closer to you. Fuck, fuck! Too close! “You have a little crush on me.” Your head snapped up immediately and your face must have betrayed you because Sirius´ face lit up in sarcastic glee. He chuckled darkly as his eyes scanned your face quickly. “Is that why you wanted to live here? Aw, that´s nice. How old are you? You couldn’t have been in my year at Hogwarts. I´d sure as fuck remember you.” Again, there they were. The waves of nausea crashing over you. Your infatuation with him mixed with worry about his behaviour started to become a cocktail of resentment and pity. You didn’t want to feel this way about him.

“Get the fuck out of my face, Black” you growled and leaned further away from him. Something dangerous mixed itself into his swirling grey irises and your stomach sank.

“Come on now, birdy” he whispered, leaning over you and talking against your neck. Your breathing faltered and hitched, your hands gripping the side of the table hard. “You´re pretty enough. You´d be a delightful way to pass the time.” Shock almost made your body convulse. You knew he was still drunk but his words were so clear. You felt cold, useless and helpless. His lips ghosted across your pulse when he spoke again. “Don´t be a prude, now.”

WHACK!

Your arm pushed him away from you forcefully before your hand collided with his cheek with full force, knocking him back a couple of steps. Breathing heavily, you stood upright and glared at him. His head was still turned so you could see his pale cheek turn red by your smack. When he looked back at you, you didn’t see rage or confusion in his eyes. In fact, they looked almost apologetically, like he knew he´d fucked up but was too proud to admit it.

Your eyes were slits when you spoke next. “Have it your way, then. I can´t deal with a three-split persona. Either hate me, tolerate me or fucking ignore me completely. But one more disrespectful bullshit act like that and I swear, Black, you´ll have one less ally here.”

With those venom laced words you turned on your heel and stormed out the kitchen and upstairs to your room.

Sirius stood there alone in the kitchen for another few minutes. The alcohol was still thrumming in his veins, but he was all too aware of what he´d done. What he´d said, even as he said it.

Of course, he knew you were right with everything you´d said. And that infuriated him more than he cared to admit. Why were you even here? After a stressful day at the ministry, you came back to a horribly decorated, dirty, uncomfortable hellhole of a house, a house elf that insulted you whenever he got the chance to and a fucking drunk man child. Every night. Sometimes he´d wondered how he´d gotten onto the sofa in the library or into his own bed after drinking. He´d had an idea that it might have been you, but he couldn’t be sure. Now he was.

You´d always made him drink the hangover potion that was in the cabinet in the corner. Had he ever thought about how it got there? Who bought or made it? He couldn’t remember.

You didn’t deserve this. He actually came to appreciate your presence over the holidays. He found you witty and bright, a delight if he was honest with himself. And the fact that you were a special kind of beautiful in his eyes didn’t help at all. So why couldn’t he allow you to grow closer to him? You clearly made an effort to at least know him better.

Bitterly he walked over to the almost empty bottle of whisky, setting it to his mouth. Thinking better of it he stopped, turned and poured the remains down the sink. There was a horrible taste in his mouth. Either hate me; He didn’t hate you. Tolerate me; He wanted to do so much more than that. Or fucking ignore me completely; How the fuck was he supposed to do that when you just…existed?!

He really needed to get his head out of his arse. That was no way to talk to anyone. You just wanted to help. Why though? He´d never seen you before. At least he couldn’t remember but then again, he´d surely lost a lot of memories back in prison. You must have been at Hogwarts.

Oh fuck, were you an old flame?! His body went rigid when he thought about that. It would kind of explain your behaviour towards his advances. Or…OR, you dickhead, she just didn’t want a sorry drunk, smelling like a distillery all over her. Sirius shook his head. Why was either rage or excessive flirting always his default? Because he didn’t think you´d react like that. He was way out of line of course, so he really didn’t think his hunch about you having a crush on him would have this much of an impact. How the hell could you like him when he behaved so poorly in front of you; when he hadn’t paid you much attention since you´d moved in?

Maybe he should start doing that.

________________________________ 

You lay in your bed that evening, hot tears running down your face and sweat beading at your forehead. You felt so lost. Had you really been holding onto this teenage version of him so desperately that you couldn’t see how much he was suffering now as a man?

It´s true, he´d never asked for your help. Were your actions overstepping boundaries of his that you just couldn’t see? He´d made you feel so insignificant that evening with just a few words. You felt downright dirty and even though he didn’t really do anything more than graze his lips along your neck, you felt used.

You´re pretty enough…enough. Was your intuition really this bad? Had you read him all wrong for all these years? No. He was drunk, he was frustrated, he was alone. Maybe someday he´d let you help him with at least that. His loneliness.

__________________________

The next evening there was supposed to be an order meeting and you were dreading it like nothing else. You tip toed around the house the whole day, praying that you wouldn’t run into Sirius at least until the Meeting started. Unfortunately, you weren’t that lucky.

When you made your way downstairs to the kitchen, you crept along the corridor quietly as to not wake up the shrieking portrait of Sirius´ mother. Just as you were about to open the door to your left down into the kitchen another one further down the corridor opened and Sirius walked out. Both of you stopped immediately when your eyes met. Your whole body went rigid and hot acid bubbled up your throat. Sirius stood still. He looked at you with an unreadable expression. He sighed deeply and his eyes changed into something calmer and softer.

He opened the door to the room he´d just exited again and waved you over. When you couldn’t move from your spot, his face contorted into a pleading look and he mouthed a ´please´, waving you over once again. And even though your legs felt like jelly, you started moving. Your heart was beating out of your chest when you passed him. You noticed he smelled clean. Clean clothes, clean hair, no alcohol on his breath or his skin.

You walked into the little study and turned around just as Sirius closed the door timidly behind him.

He squared his shoulder and looked at you. You were sure he could see your shiver.

“I have to apologize” he rumbled. “I behaved…incredibly disrespectful towards you last night and you have every right to resent me after what I´ve said.”

You stared at him. That wasn’t exactly what you expected. But it was also very much welcome. You stayed quiet, noticing that he was still trying to talk, having difficulty finding the words. So, you gave him time, schooling your features into not looking at him like you wanted to be anywhere but in his presence.

Sirius started pacing and mumbling before he looked at you again. “´S been difficult” he whispered. “I´m sorry, truly.” He hung his head, raking his fingers through his hair. “I´m not really sure what else to tell you. I-I don’t know you. But…maybe that could change? I mean, you live here. Might as well be…house…mates? Urgh” he groaned loudly and only stopped when you started giggling. He whipped his head in your direction and raised an eyebrow.

You stood there and watched him fight tooth and nail to explain what he wanted and honestly, after his apology you found it kind of amusing. Sirius was anything but insincere, so you didn’t question his motives in wanting to get to know you better. You appreciated it immensely and slowly your body relaxed, the acid in your throat started to retreat.

“Listen,” he said with a lopsided smile, his eyes glued to your smirk. “You can´t laugh at me for having terrible interpersonal skills. I was incarcerated for 12 years.” Your giggle immediately stopped as you looked at him with guilt.

“Relax” he said gently. “Sometimes jokes are the only thing that help me coping.” You nodded hesitantly.

“Did I even introduce myself properly when we first met?” he curiously asked.

“Not exactly” you said with a small shrug and a smile. “You were half drunk and just grunted.”

“Merlin´s beard” he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He stood tall and walked over to you.

“Can we start over then? Can I salvage my reputation somehow?” He stood before you. Tall, handsome and kind. His hand was outstretched.

“I´m Sirius Black. Welcome to my lovely home” he said in a deep velvety and mildly sarcastic voice that made the hair in your neck stand up. “It´s nice to meet you, ___.” It was heartfelt, the way he said it. You reached out your hand and shook his. “Likewise, Mr. Black” you said.

He didn’t let your hand go for a moment, a grin spreading on his face. One that let him look years younger, one you wanted to see for all eternity. The little crinkles around his expressive grey eyes were the most adorable thing you´d ever seen.

Sirius looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he gently guided you out of the study and down into the kitchen. “By the way,” he said as you descended the stairs. “You´ll find that my humour is kind of fucked. I´ll stop the heavy drinking, promise. So, no need to walk on eggshells around me, ´k?” He turned his head up to you, giving you a beautiful angle of his neck and the tattoos that scattered down from his ear and disappeared into his collar.

“If you´re sure” you said with a grin of your own. His eyes blitzed amusedly as the both of you entered the kitchen. What you didn’t see was the curious look Arthur and Molly Weasley exchanged when they saw Sirius pulling out a chair for you before sitting down himself.

_______________________________

 The meeting progressed and plans were made. The debate was already heated enough before Snape decided to speak. The moment he opened his mouth, your eyes rolled to the side. You resented that man with every fibre of your being. Mostly because he seemed to have it out for Sirius. Taunting him whenever he could. It was unnecessary and just plain vile.

“It´s easy for you to say, Black. You´re just sitting comfortably in your home while everyone else is either being productive or helpful. At least not all of us have to deal with your bipolar character” Snape snarled and gave you a pity filled look. You were about ready to tell him to kiss you where the sun don´t shine when Sirius spoke up. He was relaxing into his chair, staring at Snape with a victorious grin.

“Congratulations, Sniffellus. At least you got the bi-part right.”

Snorting into your wine glass you coughed several times before trying to hold back a fit of giggles. You looked at Sirius´ smug face grinning at you. His eye twitched to look dangerously like a wink and you knew that the heat in your cheeks didn’t form because of the wine.

_______________________________________

The days after became more and more comfortable. Sirius kept his promise to you not to drink excessively anymore and greeted you sober every evening when you returned. You ate dinner together and talked a lot more. You actually began looking forward to coming back to Grimmauld place every night. The kitchen was cozy and warm, soft light from candles and gas lamps illuminated the space as you sat at the table, sharing stories from your time at Hogwarts and your Auror training.

Day after day Sirius seemed to hang onto your every word more and you slowly got to know his sense of humour and therefore gradually you stopped feeling guilty whenever he made a joke about his time in Azkaban. Of course, you knew that deep down, 12 years in that horrible place left its marks, but it seemed like he was done with showing them to you.

“So,” he said one evening, cheeks tinted a beautiful rosy colour from the wine he´d poured the both of you. “You were two years under me. A Hufflepuff and a brainiac.” His voice sounded impressed. “What I can´t believe though” he said and took a swig of his wine, “Is that you were a beater in the quidditch team, and we actually played against each other?!”

You grinned and nodded. “We did. I remember it vividly. I´d just gotten into the team and our first match was you guys. You were in your last year. I tried so hard to hit those bludgers in your or James´ direction, but my strategy was futile. James was too quick, and you were too wicked on a broom” you shook your head in mock disbelieve while Sirius´ eyes gleamed with excitement.

“I don’t get it” he said with an almost dreamy look on his face. His chin rested in his palm as he spoke. “Don’t get me wrong, I know you´ve got spark but I would have recognized that in school. You told me you were a closed off and private. But then you go joining the quidditch team as a beater no less. How?”

You smiled at him. “Well,” you said amusedly and took a sip of your glass. “I was closed off, that´s true. But that doesn’t mean that I had no personality. There was a certain potential of rage. I had to let that go somewhere.” You shrugged with a grin. Sirius looked at you impressed.

He topped off your wineglass and spoke. “I´m impressed. The closed off, timid girl, grew up to be a fearless auror.” You shook your head. “Fearless is not true” you said calmly. “Fighting death eaters fearless is a stupid idea. Makes you end up looking like Mad eye” you smirked and winked at him. Your palms encased your cheeks as you spoke in a high-pitched voice. “Compared to him and looking at all this” you turned your head prettily left and right, “I was scared shitless every time.”

Sirius threw his head back an bellowed a joyous laugh. It fitted him so well all you could do was stare at him in awe. He wiped at the corner of his eyes and gasped for air. “Merlin, I really regret being such an insufferable prick to you up until now.”

“Thank you” you said earnestly. “You´re not so bad yourself.”

He smiled at you sweetly. “And we never talked in Hogwarts?” he asked. “Are you sure?” he sounded almost hopeful. You huffed laugh and shook your head. “I´m sure” you said, feeling the wine coursing through your veins, making you bold. “I avoided you like the plague.”

Sirius´s face fell, and you were quick to answer. “It wasn’t because I thought you were a bad person.” Quite the opposite actually. “More like…you were…intimidating.” He raised an eyebrow at that. “Intimidating?” he asked. You nodded.

“Yes. You and your friends…you were legendary as it was. Everyone either knew you, hated your guts or was crushing on you” you could feel your face heat up once more. “I just didn’t see the point of being one of many, you know.” You smiled at him timidly, his expression somewhat empty. “I did pay attention, though.”

A little more light appeared in Sirius´ eyes at that. “You were?”

You took a deep breath and downed the rest of your wine. Fuck it!

Nodding you continued. “Yes. I mean, you were hard to miss. But I´d often see how you joked with your friends, how you comforted the younger students. It was nice to see that side of you. It always made me wonder why you decided to act on your ´attention whore´ attitude more. But then again, I didn’t know you privately, so I don’t even know if I´m right with that.” You rushed the last sentence and reached for the wine bottle. Sirius´ hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. His fingers were strong but gentle.

Goosebumps appeared immediately on your skin. The little hairs on your forearm standing up when you looked up and directly into his eyes. He regarded you with a look full of wonder, gratitude and something pleading. “What else did you see?” he whispered, leading your hand down onto the table, not letting go. Ok, this seemed to be a little too intimate, but you were damned if you broke eye contact for even just a second. It was time to come clean.

“I saw how you always seemed different when we all came back from holiday. At least for a few years. You were always…sad one minute and then chipper the next. It looked fake.” His eyes grew wide. “I saw how your eyes would not leave Remus´ plate that you packed with food until he was done eating. That always happened after he turned.” Sirius´ fingers tightened. “How do you know about that?” he asked in awe.

You raised both eyebrows. “As I said. I paid attention. Still do.” At your words and to your utter delight, Sirius began absentmindedly stroking his thumb across the soft skin of the underside of your wrist. There was no way in hell he didn’t feel the insistent and fast beating underneath.

“I saw a lot of things that made you more than just an attention seeker to me. What I didn’t like, at all, was the bullying. James and you. You were both better than that. Sure, Snape was a little git but…sometimes you overdid it.” Sirius hung his head for a moment and nodded silently before looking at you again. An ashamed look spread across his face. “I know. We could be quite…insufferable. At that age you don’t really think about these things” he said quietly. You nodded in understanding. “I know. And I also know that Snape wasn’t exactly innocent himself. But I guess it´s no wonder he hates your guts. He´s still a bloody git, though.” You grinned at him.

Sirius took a deep breath. “You saw all that without ever having spoken a word to me?”

“Yes”

Sirius looked impressed and incredibly moved.

“´S no wonder Kingsley bursts at the seams with pride for you. I guess death eaters have no chance when it comes to you.”

Blushing hard you grinned bashfully but shook your head. “I´m not that good in the field” you said, and Sirius raised an eyebrow in doubt. “But when it comes to interrogations, if they make it that far, I´m actually very successful. I either get a full confession or at least some names. Always.” You spoke the last part with as much confidence as you could muster, hoping you´d impress him at least a little bit.

“Wow” Sirius breathed. “And you think I´m intimidating?” You giggled. “No, not anymore, actually.” He seemed very pleased with that.

You sat there for a moment in silence. Your eyes trained on his tattooed fingers still gently wrapped around your wrist. Ever tiny movement they made sent waves of shivers over your body.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sirius asked quietly. “HmHm” you mumbled, still not looking up. “Please, look at me” Your head snapped up at his tone. His eyes were filled with something so soft it made your heart quake.

“I can´t stop thinking about it…The other night, you said I was drinking my second chance away.” You nodded. “Even though I didn’t really have a first one. What did you mean by that?”

“Oh” you said and looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I meant your trial.”

Sirius´ eyebrows shot to his hairline.

“M-My trial?” he stuttered out? “I didn’t-“

“-get one, I know. That´s what I mean.”

He looked at you with a shocked expression before his face relaxed. A grateful smile stretched onto his lips as he looked at you fondly. Slowly, his fingers that held your wrist moved to lift your hand up to his face. Not breaking eye contact he gently but firmly pressed his mouth to your knuckles, effectively knocking the wind out of your lungs. Times stilled. The edges of your vision blurred, and a loud beeping noise filled your ears. It felt like you were about to pass out from a fever when his lips left your skin, and an uncomfortable cold ran over your back.

Sirius set your hand back onto the table and seemed reluctant as he let it go.

_____________________________________________

The next days were a blur. A happy blur. You were walking on clouds, you were dreaming so much more vividly and to no surprise, Sirius´ face always ended up being the main character. Sirius seemed much happier as well. He went out of his way to make you comfortable. For the past week now, he´d cooked you dinner and scolded you whenever you tried to help him out. He´d point his finger at you, his eyes comically narrowed and told you to sit down at the table.

It also seemed like he tried to be closer to you whenever he could. He´d stand closer to you, he´d sit closer to you, he´d guide you through doors by the small of your back. It all wasn’t helping your situation at all. He changed his behaviour towards you so dramatically, you weren’t able to stop your old crush from coming back. Not when he looked at you so dreamily sometimes, not when you both dissolved into laughter about some silly story, not when you thought about his lips on your skin.

Every time you thought about that night, your whole body started to tingle. The little flirts just came naturally to the both of you. So much so, that it was in no time, that the whole order noticed something was going on. Most of them seemed very pleased by the fact that they didn’t have to deal with Sirius´ outbursts anymore. Especially Remus. He regarded the two of you often with mirth in his eyes while Tonks almost ripped out his arm when she noticed as well.

The only thing that dampened the sugar high you constantly seemed to be on, was the fact that even though Sirius and you started flirting heavily, nothing ever came of it. In the last minute, either him or you, would draw back and either laugh it off or deal with a few moments of awkwardness. There was a magnetic pull forming between the both of you, and both of you felt it. It got stronger with ever shared meal and laugh.

These days, it got so much harder to fall asleep. Your heart beating against your ribcage so insistently that it was a herculean task to calm down. Apparently, it started to show.

You came down into the kitchen one Saturday morning with Sirius working on the stove. Even though you felt knackered, there was no way you would ever not appreciate his broad shoulders and lean back, covered by some raggedy old band-shirt. You smiled fondly at his back. He heard you approach and turned halfway around. “Good morning, darlin´.” Again, goosebumps everywhere and your heart going ballistic. “G´ mornin´” you yawned.

Sirius turned the stove off and turned to you fully. The smile on his lips vanishing when he saw you. “Are you feeling ok, ___? You look tired.” He rounded the table quickly and came to a stop close in front of you. So close. It took everything in you not to take a deep, deep breath.

“Fine. Didn’t sleep well last night” you said. Lie. You haven’t been able to sleep properly for a couple of nights now.

Sirius looked around your face worriedly. “Do you need one of those pick me up potions you always gave me? I can give you some money to go get them.” That made you chuckle. You lifted your hand and very gently ruffled the soft, black locks on his head.

“Oh, Sirius” you said smiling. “I didn’t buy them. I made them.” It took him a moment to let your spoken words sink in. His eyes went impossibly wide, then slightly damp. You retracted your hand from his head. 

Sirius couldn’t hold on. In one gentle swoop he bent down slightly and pulled you into his chest by your waist. Your arms wound around his neck in an instant. Delirious with happiness you pressed your forehead against the side of his neck and felt the vibrato of his voice against it as he hummed contently. He smelled divine. A mixture of firewood, tobacco and something citrusy. It smelled like coming home and you felt your crush bloom into something much more valuable. It didn’t scare you at all. You were cradled in his arms, his cheek atop your head, his hands gently caressing the small of your back. You could´ve stayed like that forever.

“There´s nothing I could give you to make up for all the shit I´ve put you through” he whispered into your hair. “I don´t deserve the kindness you´ve given me or are still giving.” You shook your head against his neck and wanted to speak, but he was quicker. “You make it more than bearable to stay in this house, love. I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t decided to move in.”

You stook on your toes to be able to hug him closer and he pulled you in with a desperate sigh against your ear. “I was such a fucking arsehole to you. I´m so sorry.” Hot tears formed in your eyes when you heard his tone. “You are lonely” you choked out. “And frustrated. I get it.”

“…was” he whispered and slowly withdrew just a little to look you in the face. His gorgeous, regal features were formed into a look of gratitude and longing.

“What?”

“I was lonely and frustrated” he emphasized. “Not anymore.”

His blazing silver eyes took in the entirety of your face before closing them and leaning his forehead gently against yours. “I´m glad you´re here with me” he said before kissing your forehead and almost sending you to the ground. The tears spilled over. Sirius noticed them and used his little finger to wipe them from your face.

“Why aren´t you able to sleep? What do you need?”

“I think it´ll be a little easier now” you said with a watery smile. Sirius nodded his head, for the time being, he was satisfied with your answer.

“Let´s eat breakfast before everyone shows up for the meeting. The moment I have to look at Snapes hair, I´ll not be able to eat for hours.”

_________________________________________

The meeting went quite well. Most of the time people were calm and the plans you´d made weeks before, finally came to fruition.

You were sitting beside Sirius who´s palm sat comfortably on your thigh underneath the table. It burned your skin and made you a bit drowsy with longing, but you paid attention still.

After the meeting, some of the members stayed for dinner and drinks after. Everyone had a great time. Sirius and you stood a little to the side, close together and smiling happily.

“Well, finally” came a booming voice from the table and your head swivelled towards Kingsley. He had a dopey grin on his face, wiggling his eyebrows as he regarded Sirius and you. It was evident that he was quite tipsy.

“I really thought it would never happen. You two” he pointed at the both of you and with a hiss you gestured for him to quit it. “Kingsley” you whisper yelled while Sirius next to you just tried to bite back a huge grin. “What?” Kingsley slurred. “You could at least thank me, you know. For bringing you here. ´S the last thing you deserved after all these dumb howlers. Haha!” You felt the colour drain from your face. Oh no. Oh no. “Kingsley, shut up!” You hissed at him again. Sirius looked very curiously between you and Kingsley.

“What howlers did you send him, darling?” he asked in an amused tone.

“SO MANY HOWLERS!!” Kingsley yelled and nearly fell of his chair. “You´re lucky I started intercepting them when I became your mentor. If the committee had found out that the one terrorising them with howlers was actually an auror trainee…I tell ya. You wouldn’t be an auror today.”

“Oh Merlin, help me” you sighed. “Kingsley, please just drop it.”

Sirius´ face was filled with question marks. “What in Merlin saggy left nut is he talking about?”

Kingsley explained. “You see, dear Sirius. This one,” he pointed at you with a shit eating grin. “This one wouldn’t take no for an answer. She tried to send them anonymously and for the most part it worked. Until they set me on it. I found out it was you,” he playfully glared at you. You wanted to sink into the floor and never emerge again. “At this point I was already training you and you had so much potential. So, I made it work.” He sounded so proud of himself.

Sirius had walked over to Kingsley, still smiling and trying to figure it out. “What howlers did she send Kingsley? Why would they be so dangerous for her career?”

“Oh” Kingsley said, and his eyes went big. “Oh, you don’t know.” Sirius looked taken aback.

“I don’t know?”

“Yeah, the howlers, the letters she sent. They were because of you.”

Sirius went still, staring at Kingsley intently. “What do you mean, they were because of me?”

“Kingsley…” you tried again but your voice was too quiet. You could only let it happen. You´d try to explain it to Sirius later. That was, if he didn’t throw you out the house.

“They were trial demands” Kingsley said matter of factly and the air was suddenly too think to breath. You felt like drowning.

“Trial demands” Sirius whispered as he put two and two together. He turned to you slowly. You couldn’t look him in the eyes, embarrassment making your skin feel like it was on fire.

“Kingsley?” he asked in a dry tone without looking away from you. You felt his eyes boring into you. “Kingsley, when did you intercept the last demand?”

Kingsley hummed. “Hmmm…. the last one I got was about four days before your escape from Azkaban was made public. Before that, they came in once a week like c-clockwork.”

You heard Sirius take in a sharp breath. When he spoke next, he was calm, quiet and somehow sounded unsure. As if he couldn’t believe what he´d just heard.

“You…you tried to get me a trial…for 12 years?”

Your shoulders pulled themselves upwards as if you were trying to sink into your own body before you nodded, looking at the floor.

You heard a sniffle from somewhere to your right. It sounded like Molly Weasley.

“___” you heard Sirius say. His tone was choked up and still unsure. “Please look at me” he pleaded.

You couldn’t. You couldn’t bare the look on his face. He already knew about the crush you´d had on him in school and now he´d found out that even as a grown woman you tried so hard to get with him. He must be so appalled.

You shook your head no.

“12 years?” you heard him ask again.

You nodded.

“Every week?” His voice was closer now.

You nodded. His shoes appeared directly in front of you and you cowered back against the counter even further. “Don´t do that” he whispered. “Don’t…please, look at me.” His voice cracked and at that your head snapped up to look at him. The sight broke and healed your heart all at once.

Silent tears were running down his tinted cheeks. His eyes were swimming with something you couldn’t pin point. With a wobbly voice he spoke.

“You didn’t believe it was me?”

“Of course not” you whispered, throat tight.

“Why not? Everybody else did”

“There was no fucking way you´d betray James” you shook your head defiantly. “No way. It all fit too well. They used your family name and the reputation behind it. But I knew you couldn’t have been a death eater. I saw you…in school…” Your own voice began to crack when you thought back to the day you learned what´d happened to him.

Sirius nodded slowly. “Yes. You saw me. You saw me. You always have” Gentle, warm hands lifted to your face and encased it. Sirius looked at you like you were the only other living being in the world. Another tear fell down. “Don’t you ever, ever, call your feelings for me a simple crush” he said and smiled at you. “I didn’t know I had such a loyal warrior out there.” Your face was also tear stained by this point. You sniffed and Sirius gently shook his head.

“No more tears, my love. I´ve got you now.” And with that, he pulled your head to his and pressed his lips to yours. It was like a rubber band snapped in your chest. As your hands tangled in his hair at the base of his neck, he hugged you ever closer, lifting you a little and moving his lips more insistently against yours. This was right, this was perfect.

Open mouthed kisses were pressed against your lips slowly, thoroughly. There was no sound except for his breathing and his heart. A throat cleared itself in the background and with a groan Sirius let go of your lips, looking at you. His grin seemed excited. You didn’t have a chance but to reciprocate it.

“You know that it´s not a simple crush you have on me, right?” Sirius winked at you. You nodded in defeat and leaned your forehead against his chest. You felt his chuckle. “Come on, dove” he taunted you good naturedly. “Call it by its name. Please?”

Your eyes met his and they twinkled with a juvenile excitement you hadn’t observed on him yet.

“I´m in love with you” you said and smiled.

Sirius closed his eyes to let your words really penetrate his mind and soul. The hands around your waist tightened before he nodded with an equal smile. Again his lips met yours. This time, shorter, sweeter.

“So am I” he whispered against them. “I love you. My beautiful fighter. You´ve saved me.”

___________________________________________________________

thank you very much for reading. If you liked it, please leave a reblog or a comment so I can improve :) I´m grateful for every feedback I get. Thanks a lot

[firsttimewriter92]

Neighborly shenanigans Pt. 4

Simon "Ghost" Riley x f! reader (Neighbor AU)

Part 1; Part 2; Part 3

Description: Simon said he wanted to to take you out on a date again. So why haven´t you heard from him in about a week?

Warnings: cursing, fluff, pining and longing getting stronger, reader is not vegetarian; little bit of angst, scared Simon, little bit of angst

Word count: 3.414

A/N: Hi everyone <3 This is part four of my slow burn fic about Simon Riley and reader.

This chapter takes us deeper into Simon´s mind, fears and reluctance. I hope you enjoy <3 It´s not beta read.

About a week after your first date with Simon, you wondered if he actually wanted a second one. You hadn’t seen him since his lips left your hand that evening. The hand that was somehow still tingling every time you thought about the encounter. He hadn’t knocked on your door, you hadn’t heard him sing in the shower. Now that you thought about it, there was not a single sound coming from the apartment next door. But before you knew that Simon actually lived there, you hadn’t paid much attention to it anyway. After realizing you had a neighbour, you were paying much more attention. You´d heard him moving around, rattling pots and pans, talking to Riley.

For one week now, eerie silence again. It was unnerving and calming at the same time. Unnerving because you didn’t realize how accustomed you became of the fact that Simon was living next to you and now there was nothing.

Calming because you hadn’t exchanged phone numbers yet and his absence meant, he didn’t have an opportunity to ask you out again. So, he wasn’t ghosting you. Right? But where was he? Away for work? What did he do anyway? You´ve talked so much during your date but your occupation never came up. Maybe a work trip. Yes.

Just as you solidified the thought of asking him for his number in your head you heard a dull thump outside your door. Then, two seconds later a soft double knock came down on your door.

Heart hammering in your throat you jumped up from your couch, controller haphazardly thrown down onto your coffee table as you quickly made your way over to your door.

Without looking through your peep hole you pulled it open, and your jaw hit the floor.

“S-Simon?” you hesitantly asked the huge black mass in front of you. It was dark out and he hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights in the corridor. The soft light from your entry way illuminated his slumped figure. He was wearing black jeans, a solid black shirt and leather jacket. But what had your attention most of all was the fact that he wasn’t wearing his normal mask. He wore a balaclava that hid his blond hair completely. Across his mouth, the image of a skull gleamed menacingly at you. A weary feeling settled in your stomach. Your eyes switched from the skull over his head and finally settled onto his eyes. The slither of skin that was visible underneath the balaclava was smudged with black paint. His eyes looked dull, the usual twinkle in them overshadowed by something slightly haunted.

He looked at you intently, his head slightly inclined before he spoke. His voice sounded tired, worn out. “Do you always rip your door open to strangers like that?” He didn’t sound annoyed or angry as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Instead, he sounded worried beneath the tiredly slurred words.

“I don’t get visitors. Especially not at this hour. I figured it was you, and you´re no stranger” you said quietly, regarding him with a slightly worried look yourself.

“You should really check your peep hole. Could have been God knows who.” You only nodded without answering verbally. Simon sighed deeply and scratched the back of his head.

“I wanted you to know I didn’t forget” he rumbled. “About…what I said.” His eyes gave you a sheepish look. “But before I could ask for another- “he stopped, trying to find the right word.

“Date?” you asked with a slight chuckle. “Hmm” he grunted his response. “-date, I had to uhm…go.” He was aware of the fact how lamely he ended his sentence and was visibly frustrated. He huffed, looking anywhere but at you.

Ok, this is going nowhere, you thought.

You stepped aside and gestured for him to enter your apartment. Even underneath the balaclava and his face paint you could see the surprise in his eyes. “Simon, come in, for crying out loud.”

Hesitantly, he scooted down and lifted his massive duffle bag off the floor. When he walked in, he again gave you a look that was filled with surprise and weariness. You walked in behind him and had to stifle a giggle when you saw this massive man standing in your living room, duffle bag in hand and seemingly lost. “Sit down, Simon” you said gently and watched him do so as you walked over to your kitchen counter and filled your kettle with water.

“I´ll be right back” you said as you passed him. His head snapped up as if he wanted to say something but stayed silent. Not even a minute later you stood before him, handing him a box of your makeup removal wipes. “Don´t know if they´re strong enough” you shrugged when he took them, looking up at you like he´d just seen you for the first time. “You can get cleaned up somewhat. I´ll be over there-” you pointed to your kitchen, “-having my back turned. I´ll make us some tea. Take your time.” All this was said with a quiet, gentle tone. One you´d probably use when trying to call a stray animal to you without frightening it. You smiled at him reassuringly and retreated to your kitchen as you´d said.

Your back was turned to him when you started preparing the tea. The slight rustling of clothes could be heard from behind you before a pop reached your ears and you knew he opened the makeup wipes. Happiness washed over you when you thought about him being able to remove his mask even though you were in the same room.

Taking your time preparing the tea, you poured the hot water over the bags and waited another two minutes. Here and there you could hear Simon moving behind you, his duffle bag being opened and closed again. “Tea´s ready” you said without turning. “You decent?”

You heard a deep, beautiful little ´hehe´ before he answered. “Yeah, darlin´, all good here.”

Thank the gods you weren’t holding the cups of tea yet, your fingers suddenly feeling a little numb as another slight shockwave ran over your skin, hearing the pet name again.

Taking a deep breath, you turned with the teacups in hand and walked over to Simon who was still sitting on your couch a little awkwardly. He´d removed his balaclava and was wearing his usual black mask again. His golden hair on full display but it was in a right state. Not adorably tousled as usual, it stuck out in weird places, lying flat in others and, what seemed like sweat crusted some strands to the skin of his temples and forehead.

With a smile you handed him one cup and sat on your couch next to him. He followed you with his eyes attentively. You were just about to situate yourself sideways on your couch so he could drink his tea in piece when he sat down his cup and gently touched your elbow. “No, wait” he said and looked you straight in your eyes. You sat your own cup down, facing him this time you waited for whatever he wanted to say.

Simon was seemingly fighting with himself. He opened and closed his mouth several times, took deep breaths before exhaling them in frustration and thrummed his strong fingers over his knees.

“Why aren’t you asking questions?” he finally croaked. He almost sounded defeated. You sighed.

“About the skull?”

“Yes”

“About your absence?”

“Yes”

“About the face paint?”

 “Yes. Yes. Why aren’t you asking?”

He really seemed to be curious about it, his voice stayed stoic though.

“Would you answer those questions or avoid them?” you asked him instead and watched his eyes widen momentarily. He broke eye contact and looked at his shoes.

“Thought you´d do that” you said. “Simon, why would I ask you questions that I know I´m not getting an answer to? That make you feel uncomfortable or you´re maybe not even allowed to answer? It´s a waste of time. What matters is that you´re here. You wanted to let me know that you haven´t forgotten me or that you didn’t want to avoid me and that´s good enough for me…for now.”

Simon looked at you like you´ve lost your mind, shaking his head. “I am a stranger” he whispered almost to himself. It was your turn to shake your head. “No, you´re not” you said. Something shifted in the air between you. You felt him slip, his fight or flight mode on full force and flight seemed to be on his mind the most. His legs twitched and panic settled in your stomach.

 “I´m guessing it wasn’t some sort of weeklong paint ball retreat á la Call of Obligation?”

That did it. Simon threw his head back onto your couch and laughed boisterously and so loud, you jumped several inches from your piece of furniture. He covered his face with both hands before he let out a high pitched and gleeful “No. No it wasn’t”, dissolving into giggles again. A huge weight lifted from your shoulders when you saw his respective ones shake with laughter.

A minute later he sat back up and rubbed his eyes before looking at you again. The little spark back in those pools of hazel.

“Try again” he said, voice scratchy and smooth all at once. He looked at you like he´d given up on something that had held him back before. Instead, being open and vulnerable in front of you.

“You´re military.”

It wasn’t a question and he recognised that immediately. The gleeful smile in his eyes vanished but he was still looking at you earnestly.

“What makes you think that?” he asked, well knowing that it was a rhetorical question. You were spot on, and you knew you were by his reaction alone. No beating around the bush needed at this point.

“I can see the chain of your dog tags” you whispered and gestured vaguely to his neck. “Put one and one together.” You shrugged but your stomach was twisting with nerves.

Simon didn´t talk for a few seconds. He regarded you with a mixture of disbelieve, relief and pride before speaking evenly.

“You truly are a bright one. I am. Military, that is. You´re right.”

Silence spread when you registered what he´d said. His eyes still trained on yours he was patiently waiting for your response.

“Well, I guess that explains a few things” you said after a while and exhaled a breath you hadn´t noticed you´d held.

“Does it?” he asked a little perplexed. “Like what?” You huffed out a laugh and raised your eyebrows in question. “Like your mask. Comparing it to what you wore when you knocked on my door, I can guess which direction this takes.” His eyes crinkled as he nodded encouragingly.

“The way you move. It seems like none of your movements is wasted or unnecessary. It´s precise and almost calculated.” Again, he nodded. “Riley” you suddenly breathed and looked at him with big eyes.

“Yeah” he said calmly. “She´s with me sometimes. She´s excellent at sniffing out explosives.”

“Where is she?” you asked next. “Quarantine” Simon answered. “We were…far away this time. I can pick her up in 24 hours. She´s not exactly my dog but she goes ballistic in the kennel, so they let me take her home.” You smiled a little at that. And then the worry for the both of them hit you like a ton of bricks. Your stomach twisted painfully, and a cold sweat broke out across your back. Simon must have read you like a book. His eyes grew worried and sad immediately and he leaned back a little, away from you. Somehow that made it even worse.

“That right there is exactly why I should have kept my fuckin´ distance” he growled through gritted teeth and shook his head. He looked like he was about ready to punch himself in the face. Another wave of panic washed over your body but before you could say anything he looked at you again. Your heart sank at the sight. Simon looked like a beaten dog, looking at you and begging to be loved and accepted. “Why can´t I keep my distance from you?” he whispered pain stricken into the void.  

It was futile to try and stop what you were about to do.

Simon´s POV

This can´t be happening. What was he doing? He saw it in her eyes. The fear. This was the moment he always avoided under any circumstance. This is why he never allowed himself to have any relations outside the military. How was she supposed to understand? His heart felt like ice the moment he saw the weight of her findings finally setting in. Why was he so fucking selfish? Why couldn’t he leave her alone?

He was ashamed of his weakness. The weakness that would cause her pain. He couldn’t do it.

His soul felt ready to split in half. On one hand, her presence, her innocence and overall goodness made him believe in the good that still lingered in this world. Made him more sure about why he was fighting tooth and nail whenever it was required of him. It was for people like her. It was for her.

He left on that mission with her on his mind. Wreaking havoc amongst his enemies with a wrath that made even Soap MacTavish cower away from him, no joke on his lip, no quick remark.

He felt the need to make her understand why he was gone for so long without a word, the second they were relieved. He´d blown all caution to the wind. A mistake as he now realised. She´d figured it out. And now, she´d gradually realise that being close to him would only mean worry and pain. And he had caused it.

Only because she´d bewitched him mind and soul. Let him dream of a future, let him fucking relax and look forward to the next day with more than duty on his mind.

And now, she surprised him yet again. He couldn´t figure her out and it was a breath of fresh air like he´d never experienced in his life. She was a mystery. An enigma with the ability to surprise him.

She was a magnet. She was funny, she was bright, she was beautiful, she was hugging him.

His body froze. He felt her warmth on his lap, around his neck, against his chest, in his heart. Felt her squeeze him lightly to try and bring him back to earth. It was a task. How? Why? What did he do to deserve it? He´d brought nothing but evil tidings to her tonight. However it seemed like she didn’t think so.

“Hug me back, damn it” she whispered into his ear with a tight throat.

It took him no less than a nanosecond to fulfil her wish. His arms lifted and crashed her to him with force. Once. Just once he wanted exactly that. Hug her, feel her body against his. Ignoring the fact that she was already nestled comfortably in his heart. She was there for minutes. Sitting in his lap, her arms wound around his neck, weighing him to earth like nothing ever had. She gave him comfort, she gave him a moment of piece. The moment she moved her thumb lightly along the hairline at the base of his neck, he shivered violently.

She must have thought he didn’t like that and loosened her grip. “No” he breathed into her neck, rubbing his forehead against her pulse point there. “Just one more minute.”

___´s POV

Simon was a furnace. You´d never expected him to run this hot but the moment your hands wrapped around his neck you felt a burning sensation shoot through your body. It was calming, comfortable and somehow so familiar. The second you saw his eyes you couldn’t control your reactions anymore. Damned be your insecurities. Damned be your fear of rejection.

For some unknown reason you knew what you both needed. The thought of him, and Riley for that matter, being in actual mortal danger scared and worried you shitless. How could it not? But why did you feel this way? Simple. Because they held a significance in your life. To what extent you didn’t know yet. But it was obvious that they did. Even after a short time.

You held onto Simon for a couple of more minutes. Felt his steel like body slightly move underneath you, didn’t care about the fact that you were sitting in his lap, your thighs bracketing his, his chest moving against yours with deep, controlled breaths. Again you were able to smell his manly, citrusy scent. It invaded your mind and your ability to think clearly.

Simon took a last, deep breath before removing his forehead from your neck, looking up at you. A sense of relief washed over you when you saw the calmness in his eyes. The crinkles that formed around his eyes yet again still had some residue of black paint smudged in between them. Slowly as to not break the spell, you lifted your finger and gently wiped at the corner of his eye. He closed them gently. You saw his lashes flutter and felt an enormous pull towards him. Leaning forward just slightly you waited for his reaction.

He opened his eyes. They were so close, once again you saw the flecks of gold in them. You could feel his hesitation.

“Let me deal with it” you whispered, looking him straight in the eyes. “On my terms. But please, Simon. Please, don’t close yourself off. Your presence…it makes me happy. Still does now. Don´t take it away.”

He looked at you like you were the only other living creature on this earth and he slowly nodded.

“I give up” he said, choked up and smiling still. “You win, sweet darlin´.” 

“´S not about winning” you said, chuckling.

“Yes, it is.” He said with emphasis. His hands moved and encased your face. Your whole face as you realised. They were much more massive up close.

“You won´t let me leave you alone. I can´t leave you alone. I´m not strong enough. And that´s fine with me.”

Gently he guided your face towards his. Your foreheads touched and he spoke again. His voice vibrating through the air. “I won´t ask you not to worry. What I ask is that you stay the way you are and try to forget what my occupation is. I know you won´t. You´re too bright for that. But please, try to...to-”

“I will. I promise.” You moved your head left and right reassuringly and it seemed to be enough for him. You moved off of his lap quite clumsily. Neither of you wanting to give up the others warmth just yet. Not knowing exactly how to handle the situation you once again watched him grab his duffle bag and walk to your door. He opened it, turned to you and without hesitation, grabbed you around the waist with one arm and brought you close. Slightly surprised by his bluntness you started to giggle.

Simon seemed to like that a lot. He pierced you with his gaze, hypnotized you to the spot.

“Next Friday, when I pick up Riley, I´ll make us Dinner. Does that sound like something you´d like?”

Again your body shivered in his arms. “Very much” you answered.

“Good” he said. And without another word he pulled you closer still and moved his lips to your forehead. It was like there was no mask in between you. Staring at his throat you felt his lips pursing against your skin. Felt the pressure behind it, felt the desperation and longing. It surged through your veins like a shot of high percentage alcohol. Your tummy filled with warmth and indescribable happiness.

This whole evening. The uncertainty, the worry, the revelations…all worth it, just to feel this act of belonging, trust and dare you say, love.

Simon let go reluctantly. His hand was still on your waist when he unfolded his body to his full hight, squared his shoulders and smiled. You knew what his eyes looked like when he smiled.

“Friday,” he whispered. “I´ll make whatever you like.”

A wide grin appeared on your face. “I like steak” you simply said and heard his chest rumble.

“Perfect” he said. Somehow you got the feeling he wasn’t just talking about your choice of dinner.

__________________________________________________________

Again, thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it <3

Please consider interacting with this post and give me some feedback. Comments and reblogs always help not only to push my work that I love, but also help to improve my writing and get my imagination going.

Thank you for considering it <3

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@ghostlythots @strawberrygato @whateverriddlerpussy @mysticalgalaxysalad @abbiesxox

[firsttimewriter92]

Explaining brown eyes

Recently I got a comment on my fic ´Neighborly shenanigans´, asking why I write Simon Riley having brown eyes instead of blue.

I would like to explain why I do that, cause it scratches some topics I´d like to address.

First of all: I haven´t played the games, so I can´t say that I´ve seen Ghost in every possible angle in every possible lighting.

What I did see was 5 to 8 hour long Cutscene Movies and Play alongs to get a feeling for the franchise and the characters that I´ve come to adore.

When Ghost is wearing his skull mask, the light almost never reaches his eyes to determine weather they are blue or not.

He removes it for the first time at the los vaqueros hideout. There is light coming from the right, illuminating his blond lashes and I´m sorry...those eyes look pretty dark to me:

There are several occasions in the game where we get close ups like this with Soap and Price as well. They clearly are depicted with blue eyes, so in my opinion, if they wanted the same for Simon, they would have just done it, right?

Another example is the bar they all gather at in the end. When Simon sees the picture of Makarov and momentarily looks straight into the camera, his eyes appear almost black. I do however see how this could be an illusion due to the lighting.

Lastly: Simon Ghost Riley is a fictional character with a lot of mystery and backstory to him. He is depicted in so many stories and so many art pieces. Everyone of us has their own version of him in our heads and that is fine. That´s the point!

If it is canon that his eyes are blue, then that´s fine with me. My bad. In that case my fic just has a minor flaw that I will not change. It´s nothing major.

If some people however think that the blue eyes are canon because the actor who plays him has blue eyes then that´s where my tolerance ends!

I am not writing him with the actor in mind. I´m not writing about the actor. That´s weird and depending on the fic a little disgusting. That is a real life person with a private life. We as fans of the franchise need to respect that.

Creativity should be the one thing we can all agree on. If you write about a fictional character or make art of him, especially one where his face is canonically not known, please feel free to interpret him to your hearts content. As far as I´m concerned I love reading and seeing so many different versions of him. Blue eyes or dark eyes. If it doesn´t fit into my perspective of him but I like the fic or art, I simply ignore it and enjoy someone else´s hard work.

Alright, I´ve been ranting about this for too long now. I hope this explains why I write Simon with brown eyes instead of blue. Because to me, they are not CLEARLY blue.

Thanks for indulging in my ranting <3 :D

P.S.:

His eyes in the comics that explain his backstory are brown:

[firsttimewriter92]

Neighborly shenanigans Pt. 3

Simon "Ghost" Riley x f! reader (Neighbor AU)

Part 1; Part 2; Part 4

Description: Your first date with Simon draws near and it turns out to be absolutely magical

Warnings: cursing, some dirty thoughts, fluff, pining and longing getting stronger, reader is not vegetarian; mentions of previous mental abuse by an ex; Please be careful when reading

Word count: 4.368

A/N: Hi everyone <3 Part three is here. Please read this one with a bit of caution.

I´m discussing something that has happened in my last relationship and it might be a bit difficult to read. It´s how I cope. I did something like this in another fic of mine and I realised how much it helped me and apparently others. So I incorporated another experience in this fic, hoping that the toothrotting fluff will make up for it.

Please enjoy none the less <3

It was Friday and your heart was already pumping so many different hormones and feelings through your system that you actually began to doubt your sanity.

You hadn’t seen Simon since he hung up your shelf and introduced you to his dog. The dog. God, the moment you thought he had a girlfriend and had seen how he behaved around you had made you so angry for a second. Thankfully however it was all just a misunderstanding and Simon had given exactly what you had needed at that moment.

Total and complete clarity.

He seemed like the type of man that was not socially awkward per se but definitely a bit of an isolated character. You couldn’t see him at lavish social gatherings or busy events. I think the mask would be too much of a conversation starter for it to not get awkward eventually. If he wanted to wear it, whatever his reason was, you were in no position to question him. You didn’t lie when you told him that it didn’t make you uncomfortable. You were just curious, and if he didn’t want to tell you why he wore it, then that´s what it was going to be. 

Secretly though, your mind was itching with the numerous faces you´d conjured up in the middle of the night. You found yourself awake wondering how his nose was shaped, how plump or not his lips were, if he had stubble, a beard or was he clean shaven? It didn’t matter to you as much as you thought. You´ve had crushes on men before that had shown even less than hair and eyes. Given they were fictional, the cush itself was real.

And so was the one you´d developed on the brown eyed, whisky voiced half stranger living next to you.

When you got out of bed Saturday morning, you dreaded the whole day ahead of you. He´d only pick you up at 8 so you had to occupy yourself for, what? Another ten hours?

“Fuuuuuuuuck” you sighed as you made your daily dose of coffee and got some eggs and toast ready.

Taking it all to your living room you plopped down on your couch and started your TV. Narcos was silently playing in the background as you made some mental notes about what you needed to do before Simon picked you up.

Shower, shave (maybe even exfoliate), pick out a casual outfit, clean up your apartment at least somewhat. Enough time was spent living out of cardboard boxes and not really settling. Being comfortable in your home would surely help making you more comfortable with yourself and therefore comfortable with the thought of an absolute hunk like Simon being interested in you.

It wasn’t that you thought you were ugly or unlovable, no. Not at all. But the men than had shown interest in you before were never like Simon. And that didn’t mean just physically.

Your last relationship opened your eyes to the men that you usually attracted. Insecure boys, hiding behind a strong masculine façade and instead of working on themselves, or realizing what they lacked, always bound someone to them that wasn’t yet aware of their own worth.

Unfortunately, you used to be that kind of person. Your ex was one of the most interesting men you´d ever met. When he started to take an interest in you, you were ecstatic and soon after you began dating. Over the years however, he slowly chipped away at your confidence, misused your people pleasing tendencies and slowly…oh so slowly made you emotionally dependent on him.

So much so, that there was a time where you actually thought there was no other man for you on this planet other than him. That his actions and words were only for your benefit even if you felt deep down that something wasn’t right about the way he was treating you.

You couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was, however. So, every time you tried to have a talk with him about how his behavior made you feel, he only needed about 5 minutes of constant talking to make you believe he was actually a great partner and that the problem was either nonexistent, only in your head or your fault.

This led to the fact that trying to argument in your favor was something you´d completely lost.

By the time he almost convinced you that you couldn’t do anything right or at least without him, that you weren’t very much intelligent but super sweet, so it was worth staying with you, you had already forgiven him for cheating on you once.

The second time however was your breaking point. The fact that the girl was underage opened your eyes about him so quickly, that you basically ran for the hills. Behavioral therapy and some new complexes were the result of all that. It did work though. Two years later your life was yours again to take and you grabbed it tightly.

Still, some of the things that had happened changed the way you saw yourself.

Simon was different. He seemed confident in a way that didn’t need to put others down for it. He was friendly, mild and cheeky. And you were going on a date with him. You probably would have never asked him so his direct confession that he was indeed trying to flirt and him asking you out first, made your confidence spike like nothing had done in the past two years.

You tried not to let it go to your head. Never again would you define your worth over the attention of an attractive man. But that feeling never once arose when you thought about Simon. Only excitement and juvenile glee. You marveled in it as you practically danced around your apartment, cleaning, putting stuff away, getting a load of laundry going.

Around three o´clock you got hungry again and decided to walk to the market around the corner to get one of your favorite sandwiches.

You walked into your bedroom to put on a pair of lose, flowy beige pants and a black tank top before putting on your shoes. You grabbed your bag and walked outside. The sun was shining brightly, only disrupted by one or the other white and fluffy cloud as you made your way to the market. It was like the busy streets of London as well as the weather congratulated you on a successful and productive day so far. Smiling and humming happily you purchased your lunch and made your way back with an additional fizzy raspberry lemonade you just couldn’t pass up.

Back in your apartment you closed your door and looked around. It was all coming together. No more boxes, the plastic plants all where you wanted them, and the handing shelf finally filled with a colorful display of your favorite books. A deep breath came forth as you enjoyed your meal and lemonade on your couch. It was still a little weird to you to be fully responsible for your own feelings and the actions you had to take to achieve them. Making yourself happy was never something you put much effort into and that had also been something you had to learn the hard way.

Now, you thought about your life and for the first time in years felt content. Like you didn’t need anybody else to feel this way. Just yourself. And with this feeling you noticed, came the confidence and willingness to let somebody else in again.

There it was again. Your inner eye producing a mess of blond hair, brown, expressive eyes and an impressive body. With all the nonphysical attributes he´d shown you so far that made him so endearing, it was hard not to notice how your body reacted whenever you thought about his broad back, his waist or his massive thighs. You didn’t want to objectify him and still, in the late hours of the night you and your mind had managed to get you off so hard, you had to use a pillow over your mouth to drown out your screams and whimpering.

A shiver ran down your spine when you thought about last night. Even though it took you about 15 minutes to calm down enough from your orgasm to catch a coherent thought, Simon still managed to invade your dreams. His raspy voice in your ear telling you to go to sleep. Telling you gently to rest and leave it to him (whatever he meant), holding you close to his chest, tangling his legs with yours and drowsily stroking your back.

Waking up without him though always put a bit of a sting to your chest. That feeling was soon replaced with an embarrassed giggle as you fell backwards into your pillows again with your palm covering your eyes.

Maybe, just maybe these dreams could become a reality. If you played your cards right.

Determined to make this date a success even though you had no idea what his plan was, you made your way into your shower. Humming along to your little radio you turned off your shower to start shaving when you stopped dead in your tracks. There he was again, and your heart swelled twice its size. He was taking a shower, singing along to some tune you´d never heard before. It was mesmerizing. Slow and deep. The wall prevented you from hearing what exactly the words were, but the melody alone was so beautiful that you didn’t care.

You´d just finished shaving and were reluctant to turn on the water again when his shot off and the singing yet again stopped. “Bloody hell” you muttered with an airy, fluttering feeling in your stomach. Pampering was the next step. You used your rich body butter and your loveliest perfume. Feeling great and refreshed you used the rest of the time to put on your fluffy bathrobe, sit on your couch and tend to your toes and feet since you decided to wear sandals.

Only five minutes left, and you just finished putting the last efforts into your hair as you heard three strong knocks on your door. Hurrying over to your door you almost tripped over your own feet. Taking a deep breath, you opened your door. Holy gosh darn fucking crap!! That was not fair. It just wasn’t.

Matching his black mask, he wore a black polo shirt that hugged him way better than the other shirts you´d seen on him. His dark washed jeans were held up by a brown leather belt with a silver buckle. You knew he was built but this? The way his biceps was stretching the material and the jeans clung to his thighs made your mouth water. He´d styled his hair only slightly but it sat still adorably tousled upon his head.

You smiled up at him and squeezed out a breathless “Hi”. Simon looked down at you with slightly bulging eyes as he took in your outfit of fitted blue jeans and a flowy, emerald-green blouse. Flitting his eyes to yours again he smiled. “Hi” he repeated in a happy tone.

You grabbed your bag and walked out, closing your door behind you and locking it. Only now did you realize that Simon was carrying a small basket. A blanket attached to it and your heart started galloping in your chest. “Did you cook for us?” you asked in an impressed tone. He shook his head slightly. “Nah, I didn’t cook. Not this time.” This time, oh God help me. “But I did assemble of sorts.”

“I see” you said happily and started leaving the building next to him. “I thought we´re doing casual” you said teasingly as you eyed him from the side. Simon snorted shortly as he raised an eyebrow and let his eyes wander down your body. It gave you a sensation unlike any other. “So did I. But I´m glad I wanted a little more than casual. Otherwise, I would have been fatally underdressed.”

A violent shiver ran down your back when you saw his eye wink at you. Your face was burning, you were sure of it.

“Where are we going?” you asked as you noticed him leading you towards nearby park. “Patience” he scolded good naturedly.

About 15 minutes later you ended up on a slight hill in the middle of a beautiful park. Simon stopped next to a tree and began rolling out the blanket. His hulking form seemed a little out of place there, trying to straighten out the blanket. You felt your features soften as he gave out a small grunt before sitting up on his knees and looked up at you. His eyes were glimmering in the gradually setting sun and he patted the blanket next to him softly.

Grinning you lowered yourself and got comfortable. From your place up on the hill you had a stunning view of the soft, carpet like plane of grass spreading out in front of you. Many other people were out and about, walking their dogs, going for a run, casually hanging out with friends. The glimmering skyline of London was seen in the background of massive oak trees at the very end of the park.

“You hungry?” Simons deep voice seeped into your ears and with an excited smile you turned your had and nodded. You observed as he opened the basket and pulled out several boxes with tuna sandwiches (no crust), deviled eggs, veggie sticks, tomatoes, a bag of tortilla chips and what looked like self-made guacamole. The last item he produced was a bottle of what looked like expensive white wine before his eyes caught yours again. Your mouth hung comically wide open as you stared at the feast in front of you.

“You´re not vegetarian, are you?” he suddenly asked and looked at the sandwiches sheepishly. You almost squeaked the way he looked so adorably worried for a second.

“Vegan, actually” you said dryly and almost doubled over laughing when he gave you a shocked look. He rolled his eyes and handed you a tuna sandwich. “Sorry” you mumbled as you took it from him. Then, something came to you. “Uhm” you said carefully as your eyes fluttered down to his mask.

His eyes crinkled again. “If you don’t mind” he said quietly and produced something else from the basket that almost made you choke on your bite of tuna. The silk scarf dangled promisingly and naughtily between his fingers.

You couldn’t really tell if it was supposed to be a joke or not. You looked around you but there were no other people on the hilltop other than you. The next group of people so far away, their heads were the size of a pinhead.

“I´m asking too much, aren’t I?” Simon said as he lowered the scarf back into the basket. “No,” you said quickly. Your voice octaves higher. Did he not realize that this scenario was the beginning of almost every woman’s wet dream? “Give me the scarf, Simon. Please.”

“You sure?” he asked you. You nodded firmly. “If you need me to wear it while we eat, I will.”

His chest seemed to inflate dramatically. “Let me” he breathed and moved his body closer to you. This is a dream; it must be! Closing your eyes, you felt your hands shaking slightly in your lap as you felt the scarf being put over your eyes.

Simon´s warm breath cascaded over your face as he carefully knotted the piece of fabric behind your head. Your pulse was hammering away when you felt his heat, smelled his wonderful musky, citrussy scent cling to the skin of his throat and face. The deep breath you took before you felt him retreat slowly was nothing you could have stopped and again your ears were blessed with an adorable ´hehe´.

“Alright?” he asked. “Yep,” you breathed. “Can´t see a damn thing.” Grinning you tried to feel for your sandwich a little clumsily.

“Hold on” you heard Simon chuckle. “Seeing as I´m taking your ability to see, I think it´s only fair if I-“ a warm hand touched yours and placed your sandwich back in it. “Help you out a little.” His voice lowered even further. Something you would have bet on wasn’t possible. “Y-You really thought this through, haven’t you?” you asked with a hitch in your voice before taking another bite to occupy your mouth.

“Well. I really didn’t want to pass up an opportunity with you” he answered truthfully. A little strangled sound escaped you seconds before a huge smile split your lips.

You sat for another moment in comfortable silence. “How´s the food?” he suddenly asked. Something was off about his voice and suddenly you realized that he had to have removed his mask. A bead of sweat ran down your back. “It´s delicious” you said as you took the last bite of your sandwich. “Did you make all of it yourself?” Simon hummed. “I did. I usually only cook for myself so I don´t get too fancy with it. But I do enjoy it.”

You carefully patted around you to get to the devilled eggs, trying to remember where Simon had put the container but all you suddenly touched was smooth jeans. “Oh, ´M sorry” you said and retracted your hand quickly. “No worries” Simon said. “What do you want?” you could hear the smile in his voice. “Deviled egg, please” you sang and held open your hand.

“Nuh-uh” Simon said and moved in front of you again. “Open up.”

Oh you´ve got to be absolutely shitting me. This cheeky bastard wasn��t really going to…

You obeyed of course, what else was there to do? You opened your mouth and a moment later your lips wrapped around the egg. You could feel Simon´s fingers holding it to your lips before he retracted them in the last second. “Oh my god” you moaned around your mouth full of egg. “Simon, these are incredible.” You heard a gurgling noise in front of you; a bottle of wine being opened shortly after so you brushed it aside.

This is how you spend the next hour. Simon occasionally feeding you with deviled eggs, chips and guacamole. Only the veggie sticks he let you eat by yourself. He handed you the bottle of wine whenever you asked for it and you really tried not to think about how as teenagers, you and your friends had argued many times about weather drinking from the same bottle was equivalent to a kiss or not.

The alcohol settled comfortably into your stomach as did his delicious food.

“Almost time” he said. “Let me get the scarf off you.” Your senses already heightened, you knew exactly where he was on the blanket, when he was in front of you and when his fingertips were about to touch you.

“Time for what?” you asked with a curious smile. You heard a chuckle before the scarf was removed and Simons face came into view. So much closer than it ever had been. He didn’t move an inch, your noses almost touching. His eyes wandering over your face slowly it was almost like you could feel their path burning on your skin. The sun had already set and a warm breeze was wafting all around you, carrying the scent of hot soil, food and the distinct scent of the city.

“You´ll see” Simon murmured into his cloth before lifting his hand and gently touched your cheek. He looked like he was in some sort of trance. His posture was relaxed, his eyes attentive and staring into your soul. It wasn’t like you were any better off. The whole situation was written straight out of a romance novel and the main characters were about to share their first kiss. Even though it was already dark, the lights of the city were still bright enough to see how his breathing becoming heavier, his chest rising and falling in deeper breaths.

A high pitched tone cut the thick air and you saw how Simon momentarily froze before both of you looked over to the skyline of London. Not a second later with a huge bang, a display of beautiful golden flecks decorated the nights sky.

You grinned ear to ear as the fireworks really started and several explosions of light colored your face in green, red and gold. “I love fireworks” you breathed and looked over to Simon with a thankful look in your eyes. He was already looking at you. He stayed seated where he was when you´d moved to see the fireworks better so he was still quite close. His arm was brushing yours when he looked down at you with a soft look in his eyes.

“I´m glad” he said almost too quietly.

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system or the fact that this man made you feel at ease, lighthearted and without a worry in the world. You couldn’t remember. You just let your head fall onto his shoulder, looking at the firework in front of you and smiling contently.

Simon´s POV

Simon didn’t dare move. The soft skin of your hand slightly brushing his was enough to make him lose his damn mind. Almost. The first firework had startled him but the way the golden light had illuminated your face and the smile you´d given him had made him forget almost everything.

The moment he saw you he knew that he wanted something special with you. You didn´t mind his mask, respected it even. That was something new he had never experienced with a civilian before. You´d managed to sneak into his life and heart so quickly and with such force it worried him a little bit. Any day now he could get called back to base again. Maybe he needed to speed it along a little?

No. Not with you. You didn’t deserve that. He´d let you know if he had to leave again and just take his chances. For the first time he wanted a kiss more than a night of passionate sex to get the edge off. He could take his own edge off, god knows he had to do it in the barracks often enough.

Your whole being however made him yearn for something that went deeper than that. A hug would be worth more than undressing, a kiss worth more than foreplay.

He took a deep breath without moving his shoulder too much, just letting himself fall into the moment. Watching fireworks, having your head lean on him, his fingers playfully chasing yours.

___ POV

By the end of the fireworks you felt like you were floating. Simons fingers were tangles with yours by this point and it felt so delicate and new, you felt like a teenager again. Your heart was doing summersaults in your chest. Thinking about this evening would end eventually made your heart sink.

The last colorful explosion brightened up the sky and you let out a deep sigh. “That was beautiful” you whispered. “Thank you.”

“You´re very welcome” Simon rumbled, locking his picky with yours. You were glad at this point that your position hid your huge grin. Now that the fireworks were over, the alcohol, food and late hour caught up with you. The small yawn you tried to stifle wasn’t lost on him however and he sighed contently. “Come on. I´ll bring you home.”

He stood up and held out his hand which you took immediately. As if you weight nothing he pulled you upright holding your gaze and your hand for several moments longer.

You helped him gather everything before you made your way back to your apartment complex. He didn’t try to take your hand again which made you wonder a little bit. The both of you talked about anything and everything until you were standing in front of your door.

“That was a lot of fun” you said as you turned to him and smiled. You saw how his cheeks lifted again as he nodded. “It was. I´m glad you liked the fireworks.”

“I did” you said. “How did you know there were going to be fireworks tonight?” Simon shrugged comically. “That´s my little secret.”

You giggled. The awkward silence you were afraid was going to come at any second now, did not come. Simon yet again proved that he was a man of action and the direct approach.

“I´d really like to do that again.”

You nodded immediately, feeling heat creeping up your neck. “Yeah, me too.”

“Great” he said happily before stepping closer. He took hold of your hand and lifted it to his face. Without breaking eye contact he waited for the fraction of a second for your reaction. When he saw your almost pleading eyes his clothed mouth came down on the back of your hand, kissing it.

Your knees got week and yet again grew heavy with longing. The breath was propelled from your lungs by the way he did it so gently and sincere.

The soft material of his mask was slightly damp from his breath but you couldn’t care less. He was kissing your skin. His mouth was on you. Cloth or no cloth it made you vision blurr.

Simon let go of your hand after what felt like an eternity.

“Sleep well, darlin´” he muttered almost carefully as if the pet name could somehow be a deal breaker for you.

It wasn’t. On the contrary. You felt like your legs were about to give out.

“You too, Simon” you smiled at him dreamily. Reluctantly you turned around and fumbled for your keys. You opened your door and took another peek to your right in his direction.

He´d done the same thing. Pushing his door open he gave you that juvenile little wave again before disappearing from your sight. Sighing deeply as soon as your door closed behind you, this time you didn’t make it to the couch. Your knees gave out then and there and with the silliest of smiles you glided down your door. Your trusty little toy would have to work overtime until the next time you´d be able to drown in those hazel depths again.

____________________________________________________

Again, thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it <3

Please consider interacting with this post and give me some feedback. Comments and reblogs always help not only to push my work that I love, but also help to improve my writing and get my imagination going.

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[firsttimewriter92]

Neighborly shenanigans Pt. 2

Simon "Ghost" Riley x f! reader (Neighbor AU)

Part 1 ; Part 3; Part 4

Description: After your first encounter, your helpful neighbour lends you a hand and spends the evening with you

Warnings: cursing, some dirty thoughts, fluff, pining and longing getting stronger, a little smidge of angst

Word count: 2.708

A/N: Hi everyone <3 Here´s part two. Somehow I feel like this is going to be a multi chapter story with a really, really slow burn.

Would you be interessted in that or do you want me to hurry it up? :D

Please enjoy <3

„Come on, you bag of dog shite” you yelled at the wall as you tried to drill the hole for the dowel. Frustrated and sweat beading at your hairline you set down the power drill and took a deep breath. How on earth were you supposed to get this floating shelf up on the wall? You´ve never done something like this and although you´ve got all the tools and watched countless of videos on how to do it, it all turned out to be much more difficult than everyone else had lead you to believe by watching YouTube.

Checking the holes you´d already drilled you nodded to yourself. “Come on, just one more” you said to yourself and lifted the drill again. Three distinct knocks came down on your door and your movements halted immediately. Shit, you thought. There it was. The fist neighbour to tell you to fucking keep it down. You rolled your eyes as you made your way over to your door. Before your hand reached the handle however, a flash of dark hazel eyes and blond hair invaded your inner eye. Here´s to hoping, you thought as you opened the door with a defiant look on your face. Just in case it was someone else.

But there he stood. Tall, impossibly broad and still with the mask across his face. You started to wonder if he had some kind of medical condition.

You schooled your features to look as indignant as possible but you felt the corner of your mouth tick as your eyes fell onto him again. You couldn’t read the look in his eyes so you raised your eyebrows in question and spoke. “Yes?” you asked him.

“Not to be nosy, Miss, but do you need some help with that drill by any chance?” Again he managed to ask a simple question without making it seem like he was doubting your abilities. You winced a little and looked up at him with a slightly guilty look in your eyes. “I´ve been taking my sweet time with it, haven’t I?”

Again your ears were blessed with a deep chuckle before he shrugged his shoulders slightly. “Maybe a bit” he drawled. His attentive eyes momentarily jumped over your head to look into your apartment. “I know the walls are solid brick” he said and looked into your eyes again. “Fuckin´ pain to get a nail in…lest be it a dowel.” You hung your head and snickered. “You´re right” you said with a deep sigh. “My shoulders are killing me. And so is this darn wall.”

His eyes narrowed again with a smile and he straightened up. “Well then, how about we get this over with so Mrs. Danbury upstairs can enjoy her daily dose of `Midsomer murders´?” Your knees almost buckled when you saw him wink at you slightly. “She´s been on my case ever since I brought home the Lady. Don´t want the same thing happenin´ to you.”

Two things happened at once. You laughed at the tone he was using when describing your elderly neighbour that always took way too much interest in anything that was going on, and your heart sinking into your stomach when the endorphins his presence invoked died on the spot. ´The Lady´. Girlfriend. Of course he had one. You mentally slapped yourself.

Something must have shown on your face. Your neighbour looked at you curiously before you collected yourself again. “Right” you said hastily and stood aside for him to enter. “Please don’t mind the mess. I haven’t been able to unpack fully yet. Work and all…” He didn’t seem to mind however. You closed your door and observed how his massive body manoeuvred itself around your furniture and moving boxes. You couldn’t help but notice how tactical his movements were. There wasn´t a step wasted before he reached the power drill and picked it up. Looking at the wall and the holes you already drilled, he nodded to himself.

It took him no longer than a minute to drill the last hole. From your vantage point from the kitchen you let your eyes rake over his movements. How his arms flexed underneath a lose fitting t-shirt that would probably fit you like a tent. The slight bend in his knees and the way his incredible thighs strained against his sweat pants. Steamin´ Jesus. That man must spend all of his free time in the gym to maintain those muscles. Almost ashamed you averted your eyes from his body. Ogling a man that wasn’t yours and was in a relationship felt insanely wrong. And yes, there was a difference between appreciating and ogling.

He sat down the drill and looked around for a second. “This one?” he pointed at the shelf. “Oh, you don´t have to hang it, I can manage from here” you said hastily and walked over. He looked at you with raised eyebrows. Did his shoulders sag just a tiny bit? “It´s no big deal, really” he said slowly while still penetrating you with his soulful dark eyes. Don´t swoon, don’t swoon, don’t swoon.

“I don’t have anywhere else to be” he continued very quietly, inclining his head a little more downward towards you. Your throat constricted as you realised how his implication made you feel. You steeled your whole body and he noticed immediately, standing up straight again. His eyes took on a slightly bewildered and dejected look. “I´m sure your girlfriend wants her daily cuddles on the couch so you can go. I´ll hang the thing myself. Thanks for your help.” You tried to sound thankful but the ice in your voice made it difficult.

God, how you hated men that couldn’t just be cocky for the fun of it. Of course they had to be absolute fucking asshats as well, flirting like their life depended on it, thirsting after every woman that came across their path and the one by their side just being the most favourite one.

This time the narrow of his eyes wasn’t created by a smile. You could clearly see the irritation in them not just by the way he bunched his eyebrows but in the immediate change of body language.

“Wait here” he said coldly as he began to move. He stepped around you, shoulders squared and mumbling something before he opened your door. Without any effort he pulled over the huge pot containing your yucca palm and used it to stop the door from falling shut.

Completely confused about what he was trying to do you heard him call out to someone before appearing in your doorway again. He almost took over the whole frame with his massive torso. His head yet again inclined he looked sheepishly at you this time.

“Sometimes I´m not good with words” he said as he stepped towards you again. “I´m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression of me.” Your heart kickstarting with hope again you tilted your head to the side a little with a questioning look which made him rumble his ridiculously attractive chuckle again.

He turned his head towards your still open door and gave one sharp whistle before looking at you again, his voice friendly. “This is Riley,-” he said as a long and high pitched noise came from you and you immediately leaned down as the big German Sheperd trotted in to stand next to your neighbour. The animal sat down and eyed you with curious eyes, not moving from the mans side however. “And she´s the only girl in my life right now” you heard him say.

Prying your eyes from the dog you looked up at him and yet again felt your face grow impossibly hot. The look he was giving you was difficult to read. Careful and pondering your reaction to his statement but somehow also cheeky. Almost naughty.

In an apologetic tone you answered and shook your head slightly. Your chest feeling like it was inflated by a balloon, excitement yet again running through your veins. “I jumped to conclusions. I shouldn’t have been so…bitchy.” A sigh escaped him and he lifted one of his hands to rake it through his blond mass of hair, ruffling it a little. “Nah, you were right to do that. I should have made it more clear. I´m not…like that. I don´t flirt much so…”

Your head snapped up so quickly you winced for a second as your muscles tensed. “Y-You were?” you asked, almost not daring to. “Flirting?”

He gave you a very direct look before answering. “Yes” he simply said and you learned something new about him at that moment. No bullshit kind of man.

“Oh” you breathed, your brain suddenly void of anything witty to say. “Okey.”

He somehow seemed satisfied with your reaction, you could see his cheeks lifting in a smile.

“Can I hang your shelf now?” he asked and you huffed out a laugh, nodding. Humming, he passed you and got to work. You nose tingled as you got your first real whiff of him. Damn, he smelled good. Not good. Great. Unique and calming. Manly and somehow fruity. What the heck was in his body wash?

A cold nose bumped your hand and happily you sat down on your sturdy wooden coffee table to scratch the dogs ears. “What a pretty thing you are” you said gleefully to the animal which had begun wagging its tail furiously. “Yes you are, yes you are.”

“You a dog person then?” you heard the deep rumbly voice ask. You looked up at him with a grin. “I´m an animal person in general but there is something about the fierce love you get from a dog…” you shrugged before petting Riley again. He hummed again. Contently stroking the soft fur of Riley you observed her owner closely while he hung up your shelf. A sweet notion of domesticity hung in the air and it was kind of strange how quickly you felt it washing over you.

When he was done, he packed up the drill and walked over to you. “What do you think?” he asked in a chipper tone. He came to a stop next to you and lowered himself on his haunches to look at the shelf from your hight. “Is it level?”

You turned your head slightly to the right and pursed your lips dramatically. “Uh-huh” you said and nodded, turning your head and looking at him with a smirk. “You did a good job.”

He didn’t move his head but his eye glanced at you, the delicate lines around it appearing yet again.

“Why are you wearing that?” you asked suddenly and very quietly. His head turned fully towards you without answering. “Is it making you uncomfortable?” he asked just as quietly. You shook your head softly at that. “Do you mind me wearing it?” Again you shook your head like in trance. The dim light in your room reflected in his dark eyes that suddenly didn’t seem to be that dark. The deep hazel colour was underlined with some flecks of light brown, almost gold. The colour perfectly accentuating the feathery blond lashes framing his big almond shaped eyes.

“Then will you let me keep it on?” you almost didn’t hear him the way he muttered his question into the cloth.

“It´s hardly my decision” you answered breezily and tried not to let your eyes wander to where you supposed his lips were. “I just wanted to know why you were wearing it.” He nodded and closed his eyes for a brief moment.

Right then, Riley decided that your petting wasn’t enough and excitedly squeezed herself in between her owners legs, effectively knocking him on his behind. “Fuckin´ ell” he sputtered out with a laugh and began wrapping his massive arms around the dog, play wrestling with it for a second.

You felt the moment hover over you and then disappearing into every nook and cranny in your apartment. Seeing him play with his dog however gave you a completely different moment to enjoy and remember. You giggled and got up from your coffee table. “Want a drink?” you asked over your shoulder. Your voice sounded uncomfortably loud even though you used your normal inside volume.

“Actually” he said as he got up from the floor and followed you. When you turned around he was already in front of you. His scent flowing over you it was a herculean task not to close your eyes and burry your nose in his shirt. “I wanted to ask if you´re free this Saturday.” Again he didn’t beat around the bush and you absolutely loved it. “I am, yes” you said trying not to bounce up and down right then and there.

“Great” he said without hesitation. “I´ll pick you up at 8. No need for fancy clothes.” A man with a plan, is this for real? How long has he thought about asking you out? When you raised your eyebrows he doubled down a little. “Unless you like fancy. We can do fancy as well, of course. I can do fancy.” You giggled when you heard his slightly wavering voice.

“No, I don´t need fancy. I can do casual.” He seemed to like that very much and stared down at you for another moment. “Great” he repeated softly. “Need anything else hung or assembled tonight?” he asked cheekily as his gaze drifted over your living room. You rolled your eyes at him playfully before shaking your head. “I´m good for now, thanks. If I need another handy man before Saturday I´ll come knocking.” A slight ´hehe´ left his mouth and he stemmed his hands on his hips, turning his head to his dog.

“Come on, girl. Let´s get you some food and let the Lady enjoy her evening.” You followed them to your door where he pushed the heavy plant back in its original place with his foot before turning around one last time. “See you Saturday” he said with a smile in his voice.

“See you Saturday” you said giddily but then your eyes went comically wide realising…and then laughing out loud.

“What? What?” he asked with a bewildered chuckle.

“Before I go on a date with you,” you gasped and lightly touched your stomach. “I´d really like to know your name.”

He too looked dumbstruck for a second, his eyes going wide before closing them and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Simon” he said with an incredulous voice.

“Call me Simon.” He sighed deeply before looking into your eyes again with mirth. “I can´t believe I forgot to introduce myself.” You waved your hand in front of your face dismissively before holding it out to him nervously.

“I´m ___, by the way.”

He only hesitated for a moment before engulfing your hand with his and squeezed it. You felt callouses, warmth and incredible strength. Seeing how the palm of his hand almost completely swallowed your hand, a shiver ran down your neck and spine. Tingling at the small of your back and spreading to your front. Liquid adrenalin was pooling in your stomach, made your legs grow heavy and your nether regions tremble.

You were only holding his hand and you felt ready to pounce. Reign it in, damn it.

“___”. Your name left his lips and that pouncing thought jumped back into the forefront of your mind until he let go of your hand.

“Goodnight,___” he said lowly and by the way he looked at you, you knew exactly that your body language had told him much more than you wanted him to know.

“´Night, Simon.”

You closed the door gently and it took everything in you to walk over to your couch and not collapse against the door. Your legs were still heavy and jelly like, something still tingling like crazy in your panties. “Oh, hell” you said to yourself as you crossed your legs to try and relieve some of the pressure.

It wasn´t working.

So, when you got to bed half an hour later you got comfortable and retrieved your trusty toy from its box. There was no way you would be able to sleep without getting all these feelings out. The longing for his scent, voice and his touch.

Saturday couldn’t come soon enough.

______________________________________________________

Again, thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it <3

Please consider interacting with this post and give me some feedback. Comments and reblogs always help not only to push my work that I love, but also help to improve my writing and get my imagination going.

Thank you for considering it <3

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@xheera @fruitymoonbeams-blog @euuuuuuun @oranoyaora

[firsttimewriter92]

Neighborly shenanigans Pt. 1

Simon "Ghost" Riley x f! reader (Neighbor AU)

Part 2; Part 3; Part 4

Description: You´ve just moved in a couple of weeks ago, trying for a new start. A brief encounter with your neighbor gets your endorphins and imagination going. What is it about the mask?

Warnings: cursing, some dirty thoughts, fluff, a little pining

Word count: 1.917

A/N: Hi everyone <3 This is my very first Simon Riley x reader fic. I´ve written about several characters of CoD but Ghost was always kind of an enigma to me. I never knew how to make him the love interest. But and idea popped into my head after reading some characterization that made it much easier to write for him. So here you go :) Let me know if a part 2 is something you´d be interested in.

“Jesus fucking Christ” you swore as you tried your best to push your heavy apartment door open and balance your bag and groceries through the door. It was a struggle to say the least, but you were damned if you did second trips. Grumbling through your teeth you saw no other possibility than setting down your bag, holding the door open with your foot and grabbing your groceries a little more securely. Bending your knee, you gave your door a forceful push and slid through into your small hallway. Foregoing taking off your shoes you made your way into your open kitchen and set the heavy paper bags down on your kitchen island.

A sigh escaped you and you took a moment just to stand in your kitchen and take in the chaos around you. Half emptied moving boxes were strewn all around your living room, amidst not yet hanging shelves, plastic plants and several DIY projects. Another sigh left your lungs with a huff. Moving and starting anew had seemed like your only option a couple of weeks ago but now you dreaded the silence. You wanted this, ___, you thought. It was your decision.

Your new job was everything you ever hoped for, and training turned out to be smooth sailing. You loved it, you loved your apartment, even though it was far from being finished yet. But still, what you´d left behind still lingered in the back of your brain all too clearly at times. Especially when your heavy door closed behind you every evening and there was nothing but you, your DIY projects, an occasional phone call with your parents and then silence. Silence to wallow in, rake your brain and memories. Memories not even a good Podcast or music were able to drown out.

You weren´t as close with your colleagues yet as to be invited out to the pub after work but that was to be expected. The chances were good though. Maybe just a couple of days more and you´d have at least some kind of social interaction. One step after the other, you reminded yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Your own impatience with yourself was yet again trying to make you feel like you´d made a mistake by moving. A humorless laugh bubbled from your lips as you shook your head. Calm down, you thought. This is your life, your pace. Relax.

A couple of minutes later your food was stored away, veggies and salmon steaming away and finally you sat down on your couch, glass of wine in hand and Netflix on your TV.

“Bloody hell” you cursed as a shot of adrenalin set your brain into overdrive. Your bag. You jumped off your couch and hurried over to the door. Swinging it open with a yank you initially thought someone had put out the lights in the corridor. All you saw was black and not a second later you collided with something solid.

Shaking your head, you realized three things. It was 7 o´clock on a warm day in July, so it couldn’t be dark out already. Your hallway had several windows and yes, the sun was still out. The black wall you just ran into turned out to be a massive chest.

Heat was ascending your neck as you took a small step back and lifted your head to look at the face this quite impressive physique belonged to. What the…?

Before you stood a man, several inches taller than you, frozen in place with his arm lifted as if he was just about to knock on your door. He looked down on you with impressive, hazel eyes. Honey blond, tousled hair adorned his head, falling slightly onto his forehead, wet tips clinging to his temples and a bead of sweat disappearing behind his ear. But that was about all you could make out.

Seeing people wearing a facemask had of course not been an unusual sight for the last three years but he wasn´t wearing one of those surgical ones. His nose, mouth and chin were covered in thick, black material, even spanning over his cheekbones and disappearing behind his ears. When your eyes caught his again you saw them narrowing just slightly and one blond eyebrow ticking upwards.

Something wriggly moved inside your belly.

The man slowly lowered his arm, simultaneously lifting the other slightly, holding out your bag.

“This yours?” a deep, calm voice broke through the silence and the wriggly something inside you spread out towards your chest, down your arms and into your fingertips. You swallowed, trying to gather your wits again.

“Uhm…yes. Yes, that´s mine. Forgot about it” you said with a nervous laugh as you took it from him. He hummed deep inside his chest in understanding. The sound only letting your eyes snap onto his again trying to decipher if the squinting was an annoyed one or an amused one.

Amused, as it turns out. He took a deep breath, the black material of his running shirt as you now realized it was, stretching across the expanse of his chest.

“You know, that´s how you get your identity stolen. Or at least your wallet.” Yeah, there was no question now, he was grinning behind his mask, his tone mildly rebuking but not at all belittling.

A small smirk of your own crawled onto your lips as you cocked out your hip and nodded your head.

“You´re absolutely right, Sir. I´ll cuff my bag to my wrist from now on so this inconvenience shall not occur to you a second time.” You want to be cocky, mister? Fine with me.

Your answer made him chuckle. It was short but genuine. One hand in his pocket he stepped back slightly and only now did you notice the heat that his body had emitted. With one last narrow of his eyes, making the edges crinkle ever so slightly he answered. “Not an inconvenience, Miss. Have a good evening.” He nodded once and walked away to your right.

“Y-you too” you cursed the way your words tumbled. To your surprise he halted in front of the door next to yours and your heart jumped into your throat as he took out his keys. Your eyes still fixed onto his side profile (you still couldn’t really make out any features), he gave you one last look before opening his door.

“And thank you” you rushed out.

He only lifted one hand to give you a small little wave that seemed way too juvenile for a man of his stature and closed his door.

Kind of shellshocked you turned around yourself and let your door fall shut behind you. Clutching onto your bag you didn’t even notice how long you were just standing in your hallway, trying to sort out the wriggling nerves. Who was that? Idiot. Your neighbor. Your neighbor that you´d never seen before. A man like him you´d remember seeing. There´d never been any noise from the apartment next to yours so you just thought it was either a very quiet tenant or one that only went there to sleep.

Sitting down on your couch again you stared at the wall behind your TV. He was behind that wall, doing…things. Existing. Why did that feel so exciting to you? Maybe it was just because that´d been your first real social interaction apart from talking to your colleagues?

Laughing incredulously at yourself you buried your burning face in your hands and giggled. No. No that wasn’t it and you knew it. It was stupid. So very stupid and weird and nerdy and…that damn mask!!

“Whhhyyyy…..?” you moaned grinning and rubbed your temples, finally letting all the pent up adrenalin and endorphins rush through your blood stream unstopped. What was it about men wearing those damn masks? Not being able to fully see their face. Having to find out what there was to them by just their actions.

The fist time you really thought you´d lost your mind was when you actually developed a burning crush on a literal tin can from the Star Wars universe. Oh yeah, sure. Give me a brooding, sarcastic, overworked loner with PTSD and give him a freaking child to protect. Watch him become a devoted, loving single parent. Of course! Yes, let me thirst after him. And did it stop there? Of course not. The pandemic hit and the lockdown had everyone in a chokehold.

The only chokehold you wanted to be in at the time however was one carried out by a video game character called Ghoul from “Call of Obligation”. Tatted up, burly, sharp, dutiful, loyal and fucking hot.

The only thing you were able to see of him? His eyes. Just his eyes and an occasional forearm here and there. Everything else covered in tactical gear and a scary facemask. God that character haunted your dreams almost every night. And now, you had his existing, breathing, heat emitting, real human equivalent living next to you. You felt your insides burn as another funny noise came from your mouth. There had to be something wrong with you. Why was half a visible face or even less, so damn attractive to you?

“Shit must be some kind of kink” you murmured to yourself as you reached for your wine glass.

Why was he wearing that mask anyway? People weren´t obligated to wear one anymore. Was it some kind of training technique while running?

Anyhow, you appreciated the encounter. Your mood instantly better even though the both of you hadn’t talked much at all. He seemed witty. Cocky almost and you liked that.

Emptying your wine, you put the glass back in the dishwasher and walked over to your bathroom when you heard it. The shower in the next apartment was running. Immediately you halted all movement and tried to not even breath. The situation seemed so delicate, like thin glass ready to break. You stared at the wall when something else caught your ears.

No. Did you hear this right? Was he…?

You walked carefully over to your shower and stepped in. Trying not to care about how crazy you must look at this moment, you turned your head to the wall slightly, closed your eyes and listened as hard as you could. There it was.

Low, melodic and absolutely captivating. Over the sound of the water hitting the tile you heard your neighbor singing. Your forehead hit the tile and you breathed as quietly as possible, marveling in the baritone sweetness that could be heard through the wall. All too soon, about a minute later it was over. The water was shut off, the singing stopped.

As if in trance you got your nighttime routine going and a couple minutes later, slid into bed. Knowing where his bathroom was now, you were positive that his bedroom had to be next to yours as well. You tried to hear more, but nothing else penetrated the walls. It made you glad actually. If you would be able to hear him in his bedroom, sleep would turn out to be an impossibility to achieve.

This way, you closed your eyes, got comfortable and let your thoughts drift and wander. Not long after, you were dead asleep. Your dreams yet again haunted, but now, the usual scary mask of Ghoul was replaced with a solid black one and instead of clawing at a fully clothed head between your legs, your fingers tangled into soft honey blond curls.

_____________________________________________________

I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading. Please consider interacting with this post and give me some feedback. Comments and reblogs always help not only to push my work that I love, but also help to improve my writing and get my imagination going.

Thank you for considering it <3

[firsttimewriter92]

I don't have anything to ask but rather wanted to say something. I just read your soap x reader fic and I was boiling in rage for what that that sicko did to you. I want to let you know it was never your fault for what happened. You're amazing and insanely brave for telling us what happened. I hope you never have to go through something like that again because you deserve only the best. Period. As a person who was sa'd in the past I find your story and how strong you were incredibly inspiring. I sincerely pray you are always happy from now onwards! Also who the heck is this perv???Tell him to meet up with and I'll fight him for you!😤

Sweeteart,

This. This right here is the reason I write about these things. Why I built up the courage to do so and trust this wonderful community. Your kind words have made my entire week and it´s only Monday :D Thank you! Thank you so much for reading and your empathy. I´m just glad that, at the time, I didn´t realise what was happening, that I was too young, too naíve. I knew somethig was wrong, it´s why I left. But I´m glad that my younger self didn´t realise. That I was older when I did. I know that not many young people have that luxury and if I can help people (of any age) with my writing, I will never stop!

I loved your message and I keep it close to my heart, sweety. I wish you nothing but the best and that your experiences do not spoil your kind heart.

Please be safe out there (everyone)! <3

Thank you!

P.S.: I live very far away from him, so I doubt I´ll ever see him again. But if I do, I know who to call ;) :*

[firsttimewriter92]

No hero, just me

Captain John Price x (f!)reader

Summary: You got abducted and John, along with his team is sent to rescue you. When the get-away vehicle is sabotaged, you have to walk the rest of the way to safety. John seems unusually worried and caring towards you. Are you actually just a military higher ups daughter or something more to him?

Warnings: Abduction, canon typical violence, injuries, pining, longing, slow burn, angst, kissing, parental issues(!)

A/N: Hi everyone. This idea has been brewing for a while and upon popular demand I created the story around the lovely Captain. Please note that I not only discuss your relationship with Price but also with your family. So for those who have parental issues, please read with caution. Otherwise please enjoy :)

Words: 11.976 (Yeah, that might have escalated a little)

It was cold. So fucking cold. Your aching back was leaned against an icy brick wall, your knees pulled up to your chest. With shallow breaths you tried to stay as warm as possible but it seemed like with every day that passed, your hope of rescue dwindled. At least that´s what you were sure off. You scoffed at your abductors stupidity. Had they not done their research?

Lieutenant General August _____ was everything but a devoted father. Maybe he once was when you were a child but as soon as you became older it became clear as day to you that his priorities had shifted. It was devastating to watch your brother completely lose himself in trying to impress his father. With flying success though. He was on his way on becoming a Colonel and your father paraded him around at functions like he was his most priced possession. But Alexander himself…he was a mere shadow of a person with character, edges or a mind of his own. It infuriated you. Your mother was the same. Only worse. She clung to the respect, grace and riches your fathers position came with, with such force, that every smile of hers since you were ten years old had only been a forced grimace. The only genuine thing about her? Every proud look she gave her son, every devoted gaze she gave to her husband…and every ounce of disappointment and caution she gave you.

It wasn´t like you rebelled against your family. You weren´t involved in any sex scandals, drug problems or any other affairs. Quite the opposite. You tried your hardest to stay away from those things. But that also meant staying away from your families affairs. You didn’t want anything to do with anything. You hated the fancy dinners and balls. You hated the pretentious smiles, conversation and frankly boring as fuck people your parents surrounded themselves with. And how much they played into their cards to hold up the good family reputation. So it was no wonder that your parents became more and more irritated with you when they saw your blatant disinterest in the military, politics or any of it. How you showed up at parties and dinners, not talking much, not engaging and just waiting for the time to pass you by. It wasn’t what they were used to from your brother.

Needless to say your relationship with your parents didn’t exactly improve from then on. You´d moved out as soon as your mother didn’t throw a fit anymore and within a week, you found a flat way outside London in a quiet village. You were thankful to the great education you´d received however. It allowed you to work from home and you only had to come into the office about twice a month. You loved it. Alexander had helped you move and when it was just the two of you, you could see the very sharp and quite witty brother you had shine through. He and you have had several conversations about your respective situations and there was a mutual acceptance that the other sibling just wanted to have everything or nothing to do with it.

So why not Alec? Why wasn’t Alec sitting here, wondering what had gone wrong? Well, that was actually an easy question to answer. Because he was overseas. You groaned and hugged your knees closer. Of course your parents would receive a ransom demand for you. But how quickly would they react? It had been days. Days and you were sure that you weren´t even in the UK anymore. The ride in the van had been hours long. And the helicopter flight had been even longer.

You heard the shackles outside the door rattle once again and the panic crept into your veins as it had been each time it happened. The door opened but you couldn’t lift your head. A tray was placed in front of you and a deep chuckle reached your ears. It was cold and condescending. “Really” the voice snarled with a thick accent you couldn´t place. “I would´ve guessed your father to have reacted by now. What a shame.” The man stood up again and before closing the door again said with a much more sinister voice, “If he don’t react soon, holding you will not have much benefit, will it?”

You knew what he was trying to say with that. And even though you were somewhat estranged from your family, you´d never guessed they´d let you die like this. It hurt. It hurt fucking bad. It shouldn´t have been a problem to meet their demands with the social status and power your father held. What in the world were they asking for, for your father to wait so long to react?

Suddenly, your thoughts were cut short by a loud bang and then….shots. Shots? What the hell was going on?! You were on your feet as quickly as you could and winced from the pain your stiff legs and numb feet were in. You hears voices shout. They were coming closer. In a panic you remembered something your father had thought you. As quickly as you could you wobbled over to the door and stood in a way that would conceal you for a split second once the door was opened. A split second that could give you an advantage. You readied yourself, pounding onto your thighs with your fists to warm up your muscles and praying they wouldn’t give up on you.

A moment later it was quiet behind the door and you almost thought whoever was in front of it had left. Then, with a bang that nearly toppled you over it swung open and you pounced. Your fists made contact with a solid body and only your momentum made the man stumble a little to the side before another one grabbed your shoulders. Yelling from the top of your lungs you fought as if your life depended on it until you heard it. “Calm down, Ms.___. We´re here for you! Your father sent us. Calm down!” You halted your movements and looked around. A massive man stood in the doorway, almost cutting off all light from the corridor. Another one stood to the side and it seemed like he was the one you pounced on first. Both men were clad in heavy armour and facemasks. The one holding your arms however was only slightly taller than you. Same facemask and armour though.

You were panting and looking around wildly until the man spoke again. “Are you all right, Ms.___? Can you walk?” His voice was stern, deep and only slightly hurried. You looked at him again as a little bit of relief washed over you. You nodded slightly before you spoke. “I think so” you rasped. The man lowered your arms and gave you a once over. Seeing your whole body shiver violently he sucked on his teeth and bellowed “Soap, Ghost, make sure the path´s clear. She´s not well on her feet.” With that he quickly but surprisingly gently wound an arm around your waist and guided one of yours over his shoulder, supporting you as you began to move. He might as well have been carrying you. The way all three of them moved was nothing short of deadly precision. It seemed though they had successfully killed everyone that was inside the run down building. The scene you where stumbling through looked like a badly orchestrated film set.

Several times you´d stopped behind the men named Ghost and Soap while they checked if the way was clear. When the man next to you dragged you outside it was pitch black. You couldn’t see for a second but trusted the man who was guiding you. It felt like an eternity that you stumbled, ran and slit through the night. Only your own panting and an occasional, softly grumbled warning from the man beside you. “To your left, Ms.___. Careful” “There´s a small hill up ahead” “Hold onto me” “Don´t let go, you´re doing great”

The moment you felt like your feet couldn’t go no further you heard Ghost and Soap opening car doors in front of you. Finally, with the prospect of sitting in a safe vehicle with people that were there to rescue you, you collapsed onto the bench in the back and began hysterically crying. Sobbing, you curled up onto the seat, yet again realising that your limbs were cold as ice and aching. As the vehicle began to move you felt the soldier that had been jumping into the back with you move. A moment later a heavy warm blanket was thrown over your shoulders. Grabbing onto it like a life line you scrambled to throw it around your feet.

“Hold on” the man said gruffly and took your hands in his. “Shit” he grumbled and kneeled down in front of you. Almost hectic he pulled the blanket over you more tightly before removing your shoes. You were whimpering in protest but he just looked up at you. Pleadingly. You stopped struggling immediately. Why was he looking at you like that? Your vision blurred as you tried to make out his features. He´d removed the facemask.

A full beard, moustache and mutton chops, a full lower lip, piercing blue eyes. Blue, so blue. His hands were still moving until your feet were out of your shoes and soaked socks. Compared to your feet, his hands were scolding hot as he began rubbing your feet with them, all the while not breaking eye contact. “We need to warm them up” he whispered. You simply nodded and another tear rolled down your cheek. “I know” he said and held your feet. “I know. It´s over,___. It´s over.”

It took you a moment to realise that he´d just used your first name. You nodded your head. “Over” you whispered and began silently crying again. For another few minutes, the soldier constantly rubbed your feet as fatigue clouded your mind. You felt your body fall forward. Another moment later the soldier caught your falling and guided it onto the seat again. He gently pushed a little further so you lay down on the seats. With the last remains of your strength you felt him wrapping you up in the blanket, a little feeling returning to your feet.

“What´s your name?” You thought he hadn´t heard you because it was a mere whisper that left your lips. Then you saw those eyes again, right in front of your face as a gentle warm hand removed a strand of hair from your forehead. “John Price” he said in a calm tone. “My name is Captain John Price.”

Dull voices reached your ears and slowly you came to. “…do you mean, dead?” “It´s dead, what can I tell you?” “Bastards! They sabotaged the gas tank. There´s a hole in it.”

Holding your head you sat up realising that the car had stopped. The captains head moved towards you. Quickly he moved to your side. “I´m afraid we´re broken down. We need to walk the rest of the way to the evac-point.” He looked at you apologetically. “How are your feet?” His hand moved underneath the blanket and gently stroked your feet, checking their temperature. “I´ll be fine” you said, moving your toes. “They´ve warmed up quite well.” The captain nodded. He only seemed half optimistic.

“Here” he handed you something from his duffle bag. “Your shoes are dry now but your socks are a mess. Wear those. They…might me a bit big.” If the situation hadn’t been any different you would have laughed at the way he said it. As you moved your still aching muscles and pulled on the socks and your shoes you looked at him and asked “How long do we have to walk?” His shoulders sacked for a moment and dread filled your veins. He opened the doors in the back, threw out his duffle bag and jumped out. Turning towards you he held out his hand to help you get out of the car. When your hand moved into his, you were again astounded by its warmth. “I´m afraid it´s quite a walk” he said as you jumped and stood in front of him.

Looking up slightly into his face you were able to make out more in the pale light of dawn. His mutton chops accentuated slight chubby cheeks and a freckle dusted nose. Damn. He was handsome. You were pretty sure that his stature was not only this bulky because of the gear he was wearing. His shoulders stood out in relation to his narrow waist and big thighs. You swallowed hard when you realised that his hand still held yours. “We´ll take one day at a time. You´re safe” he repeated with conviction to make you believe.

“Price.” The massive man you´d seen before called out to him. The captains hand let go of yours and a shiver ran down your back. All three men stood in front of you, ready to leave. “It´s a three day hike. We have to cross a border for them to pick us up otherwise there´s going to be a problem. Officially-” John Price looked at you with a slight smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “We´re not even here.”

You again nodded and prepared for a long walk. John stepped in front of you for a moment and as to reassure himself that you were ready, tucked the blanket you were still wearing tighter around your shoulders before leaning his head to the side for a moment. Looking up at him you tried to smile reassuringly. He didn’t seem quite convinced but nodded his head once before gesturing you to move in front of him. You followed the other men that waited a bit down the road.

Soon however you made a right and left the deserted road. The sun began to rise and you could see that the man named Ghost lead you towards a mountain range. You gulped. You weren’t nearly as fit as these three men and frankly felt bad for them as they marched on in their armour, holding their weapons and duffle bags. The paths you took gradually became more narrow and more steep. Your feet began to hurt again but not because of the cold this time. You´ve walked quite a way in a tempo that you weren’t used to and a terrain that was less than forgiving.

When you reached some sort of level ground you were panting and sweating. Trying not to make it obvious that you were out of shape compared to your rescuers, you tried to gulp down the pants and discreetly wiped the droplets of sweat from your forehead. To your left and your right, massive walls of stone reached up into the sky, making the path in front of you quite dark although it must have been midday by now. It seemed like Ghost lead you down a huge gash right between the mountain when the path suddenly fell into a steep decline. With an agile elegance that you wouldn’t have guessed coming from a man like him, Ghost began climbing down.

“Soap.” You turned around to the commanding voice and the man with the mohawk turned around right on the edge of the decline. “Switch places with me. I need your eyes in the back.” Soap nodded immediately and walked passed you. He sent you a friendly little smirk just as John Price came to a halt next to you. “You´ll need your hands for this, there´s loose rubble all along this path” he said and took the blanket from your shoulders. The look in his eyes was almost pained. “Sorry” he said as he rolled up the blanket and stuffed it in his bag. “Here, this´ll help for now. Uhm…” he rummaged around in his bag and pulled out a long sleeve, olive green shirt. Holding it out to you he looked quite sheepish. “I´m sorry I…I had to use it before we got to you so…it´s not fresh or anything, but It´ll have to-“ You grabbed it immediately and gave him a grateful smile. “It´ll do just fine, thank you, Captain.” You pulled it over your head immediately, so you didn’t see John blink several times or the curious look Soap shot his Captain.

When you emerged from the too big shirt you nervously looked at the pathway before you. “Don´t worry” John said and gently touched your shoulder. “Ghost will be scouting, I´ll be right in front of you and Soap behind. Nothing´s going to happen.” His raspy voice and still scorching warmth gave you a funny yet very pleasant feeling in your guts. “Okey” you said and took a breath. “Okey.”

So, with the captains huge back in front of you, you started climbing down. You were slow. Many times you needed the help of either John or Soap. Soap gave you a hand in climbing up and John was there to either pull you up or help you jump down, always there to catch you. Every time, you noticed your temperature rise and you felt like it had nothing to do with the workout. The callouses of his hands felt better and more comforting than any soft, warm comforter you´ve ever owned. You really needed to keep it together.

Just when you were close to asking for a break you saw the path opening onto a small platform. With a gulp you saw that it was the edge of a cliff. Several hundred feet it fell down granting you a stunning yet frightening few of a sunset over a dusty, rocky landscape only ever so often interrupted with patches of green. Ghost was standing to your right were the platform thankfully expanded. When Soap landed next to you, he lead you over to were Ghost and Price were unpacking a few items from their bags. “We´ll have to stay here tonight. Giving there´s only two ways onto this platform it´s the safest we can be tonight” Price said as he handed you your blanket. “Safest?” you asked carefully. “I thought…but, they were all dead.” Your voice panicked slightly as the three men exchanged dark looks. “At least one of them must have gotten out” Soap grunted. “Otherwise they wouldn´t have had the time to sabotage out gas tank.”

“If they decided to come after us, we´ll be prepared” Ghost said in a level voice. Your heart was thumping in your chest and an overwhelming feeling of guilt filled your every cell. You hung your head as you carefully sat down, hissing slightly. “Your feet?” John immediately asked, kneeling in front of you. You shook your head not being able to look at him. “Muscle ache” you mumbled. John grunted and moved to hand you a water bottle. “I´m afraid I have to ask you not to drink the whole bottle at once. We´ll have to watch out for another water source.” John again sounded like he was about to punch himself. Maybe because you wouldn’t look at him? Aaaand there went another wave of guilt so you lifted your head and tried to smile. John sighed and his eyes took on a much warmer look. “There´s no need to put on a brave face,___.” Your name on his lips again sent a shiver through your body. “You can sleep. I´ll watch over you.”

Your eyes widened at his phrasing but he didn’t look away from you. Somehow his face seemed so familiar, you could look at him forever and never get enough. “Thank you, Captain” you whispered lamely because your brain wasn’t able to conjure up anything else. To your surprise John began to chuckle for a second and again looked you deeply in the eyes. With the setting sun in his back and the light blitz of his teeth you could almost forget the situation you all were in. He looked maddeningly handsome. The sheen of red in his hair coloured it almost auburn.

Along with his beard and cerulean eyes you were so, so tempted to lean forward but then John spoke again in a low, quiet voice. “John” he said and chuckled again when you looked at him questioningly. “Call me John. No need to use my title.” Your mouth opened slightly. “I can´t possibly-“ He shook his head and gave you a playfully stern look. “I´m afraid I must insist.” With these words he handed you a protein bar and pulled his duffle bag closer. “Use this as a pillow. We can´t make a fire but with the blanket, I think you´ll be alright.” He gave you a small smile that this time actually reached his eyes and you liked that one much, much more before he stood up and walked over to Ghost.

How am I supposed to sleep with his image in my head? You wondered before you tried to make the piece of rock as comfortable as possible. Your concern was futile however. As soon as your body somewhat relaxed it shut down. With your eyes on John´s back you felt them drooping quickly and exhaustion finally caught up with you.

You awoke what it felt like hours later. Not having slept longer than an hour at a time while being imprisoned, the knowledge of three soldier watching over you let your body and mind finally get the rest it needed. Still, when you opened your eyes, your back hurt slightly from the hard ground and your feet still ached from the march. Blinking you realised that the sun wasn´t quite up yet. Only a slight blue fog hung low over the land you were overlooking. Turning your head to the side you saw Ghost´s massive back standing close to the pathway you´d came down just hours before. His weapon in his arms, breathing evenly. You groaned quietly when you sat up and rubbed your neck. Soap was leaning on the stone wall to your right, his head bobbing up and down while he slept. A little further ahead you saw John. He was standing in front of the beginning of what seemed like the pathway down. You gulped. The path was quite broad for what it was but to the left it fell several hundred feet. No railing or security.

You stood and walked over to the Captain. When you were only a few steps away from him he turned his head to the side and watched you as you came to a halt beside him. “Did you sleep at all?” you asked quietly in a whisper. He hummed as he smiled to himself, adjusting his weapon in front of his chest. “ I slept enough.” It was your turn to hum, although yours sounded more disbelieving. John had to bite back a grin. “Are you rested enough? We´ll have to walk quite a way today.” He sounded concerned. You sighed. “I´m sorry” you said. John´s eyes took on an almost pleading look as he shook his head. “I must be such a millstone around your neck. I´m…I´m slow-“

“___” John said your name sternly. You didn’t dare look at him so you stared ahead while tears welled up in your eyes. When John spoke again, his voice had taken on a much gentler tone. “___. We don´t care about your level of fitness or whether you´re fast or not. We came to get you back home safe. That´s our mission. And if it takes us longer or one of us has to carry you the whole way, we don´t care. We care that we found you alive, first an foremost.”

You nodded and wiped away a stray tear. “You´re doing your job” you said and shrugged but somehow that sentence stung like hell. A flash of the same hurt crossed John´s face at the same moment but none of you saw the other. “It´s not just that” he mumbled into his beard without you hearing it.

Then he continued slowly. “We were deployed under the strict command of your father. He might…not show it much but, he´s quite worried about you.” You couldn’t help it. You scoffed pretty loudly and gave John a look that spoke volumes. “I believe he sent you. But you don’t have to say things that just aren’t true to make me feel better. I highly doubt he´s worried about me. He´s more likely to be worried about what this whole situation is doing to his reputation.” John was quiet for a while, then he said in a level voice. “I won´t presume to know what the relationship with your father is like. All I´m saying is that I saw his face during the briefing. It didn’t seem to be the face of a man that didn’t care about his child.”

You felt bad all of a sudden. Your father and you might have grown apart and distant, but did that mean that the love was actually gone? When shit hit the fan would you still be there for your parents? The answer was simple. Yes. And that made you feel even worse. You sniffled again when you thought about how low you´ve thought of your father. His role wasn’t an easy one and he sacrificed a lot for his career. You were still convinced that neglecting his family or becoming a cold and distant person was not the way to go but who were you to judge? You took the easy way out as well.

“Damn” you mumbled and wiped at your eyes. That seemed to only make it worse and the full extent of what had happened to you hit you full force. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!” You started crying. In front of the most handsome man you had ever met. Perfect. You didn’t hear him move over your sniffling and your whimpers. All of it seized at once when you felt two huge arms around your shoulders. You were gently being pulled into a massive chest. The gear vest he was wearing was definitely not comfortable but you couldn’t have cared less at this point. You buried your face in it and held onto his waist with both hands, fisting his shirt. “It´s okey” you heard his low vibrato voice above you. “It´s okey. You´re safe. You´re safe” he was saying it as if to reassure himself of the fact that you actually were.

He held you against him for as long as you were still hiccupping and your forehead was pressed to his chest. He didn’t let go even the slightest.

John´s POV

Fuckin´ hell, he thought. If it weren´t for his vest you´d probably hear and feel his heart going ballistic in his chest. He didn’t blame you. How could he? You weren’t military and all that had happened to you must have been the happenings of nightmares. And still you allowed yourself only to break down now. He admired you for that.

He also didn’t blame you for not remembering him. Your meeting had been only the briefest of moments and you hadn’t really looked at him at all that night when you were introduced to him, but John? He couldn’t move his eyes away from you all throughout the festivities. He wasn’t used to nor did he like these functions much either so he very much understood your demeanour, whishing he would be allowed to show the same kind of disinterest in the glitz and glam.

The night had been dull until you were introduced to him. The moment his eyes locked briefly with yours, it felt like his world was turned upside down. He knew your disinterest wasn’t directed at him, he could feel it. John wanted so desperately to talk to you, get to know a bit more about you. He wanted to pick your brain about everything. To him you were electric, thrumming with honesty and simply radiant. So very different from himself.

And then, he´d lost sight of you. He was moving around the ground floor of the house with searching eyes trying to get one more glimpse. Just one more and he´d be happy. But he couldn’t find you again. Not in the living room, not in the tea room, not in the kitchen. His heart heavy with disappointment he bid his goodbye and left. He lay awake that night longer than usual. Your face, your grace and your dress in front of his inner eye for hours, days on end. He hadn’t seen you since then.

When he was called in for a hostage situation he thought he was prepared. The moment his eyes fell upon your father he knew he wasn’t. At first he begged the heavens that it was your brother that had been taken. It was so wrong of him, he knew that, but at least Alexander knew how to react in these situations. And then your name fell and so did his whole heart. Panic and worry flooded his system along with immeasurable anger and determination. He couldn’t let anybody know so he steeled himself and put on his mask. Your father directed some words at him in particular without knowing that John was internally roaring at him for not looking out for you. For just letting you out of his sight.

His tongue was glued to his palate so he only gave a short nod and a grunt before he turned around to collect his best men for the job. He had to collect himself. It wasn’t your fathers fault. No one could have thought that with your brother out there you´d be a high value target. You were a civilian. But then again that was probably why they chose to take you and not your brother. His blood began to boil and he knew if they found you injured or hell forbid, dead, he would wreak havoc among the bastards that dared lay a hand on you.

When they´d found you, alive and quite literally kicking, his chest had expanded with pride, relief and unbelievable affection. He was grateful that he´d had the chance to quench his bloodthirst when they´d started shooting first.

Now, here you were. Safe with them. And even though the danger wasn’t quite over yet, holding you and you letting him, made him feel more human than he´d had in years. He wanted to shield you from everything that scared you, made you uncomfortable or worried. He wanted to be your source of happiness more than anything. You might´ve been crying into his chest but he knew that some of those tears were relief. The feeling of your hands holding onto him almost desperately made his temperature rise and his determination to see you to safety tenfold.

His arms pulled you in a little tighter, hoping you wouldn’t move back. To his delight, you didn’t. On the contrary. You slowly stopped sniffling before you detached your forehead from him and turned your head, pressing the side of your head to his chest, still holding onto him. One of his hands moved on its own accord, just because it felt so natural holding you. He lay it gently on top of your head, moving his fingers over your hair. He heard you sigh and it was the most beautiful melody he´d ever heard.

As soon as you were safe and sound, he´d make sure….sure that what? He saw you again? He´d ask you out? His insides twisted painfully when he thought about it all. How was this ever supposed to work? You were a civilian. He was a Captain in the military. There were people, civilians in his everyday life that didn’t even know his actual name. Another life had never been in the forefront of his mind. He couldn’t imagine another, could he? The moment they´d all jump out of the heli and you´d fall into your family´s arms, would that be the last time he ever saw you? His heart hurt at that. It hurt.

______´s POV

His warmth. His incredible warmth, the gentleness of his hand on the top of your head and his manly, earthy scent made you feel safer than you´d had in at least a decade. A feeling of content overcame you and you wondered why it was that you could feel something like attraction and excitement in a situation like this. Maybe you shouldn’t care, maybe you should just go with it and let yourself be swapped away for once. You had a feeling that with John, you´d actually make a great choice this time. He was a man of his word, one with the ability to calm and excite you at the same time.

You didn’t want to let go. He was cozy, strong and easily made you feel like everything would be okey. Your heart was doing somersaults when you decided to get just a tad closer. Your hands that were fisted in his shirt by his waist wandered around it now. His chest slightly expanded with a sigh when you settled your arms around his middle comfortably. Something touched the top of your head and you felt like crying all of a sudden. With a feeling of monstrous affection you realised that the Captain had rested his cheek on your head. Breathing in sync you tried to calm your racing pulse and the rushing in your ears.

You stood there for another few moments before John lifted his head. You moved yours as well to look at him. Both your arms around each other not moving an inch. John was smiling but his eyes held and expression you couldn’t quite place. He looked almost….sad. When you looked at him questioningly he schooled his expression, shook his head slightly and smiled a bit wider. Ever so gently he moved one hand and softly touched your cheek. You were just about to explode, forgetting everything. A spell. It had to be a spell he´d cast on you.

“The moment you need a break, you tell me” he whispered. “No feeling bad, a´right?” The rumble in his chest vibrated through you. The corner of your mouth twitched as you nodded once gently. “Thank you” John let go of you, again with that sadness in his eyes and you were quite sure that this time you reflected that same expression.

The day was long and quiet. You made your way down the mountain and going downward turned out to be even more a strain on your muscles than upward. Ghost and John were still in front of you, Soap behind. At one point he stuck up a conversation with you. It turns out the Scotsman was incredibly funny and quite capable to distract your mind from the pain in your muscles. Still, your vision more often than not stuck to John´s back while you got distracted.

Of course Soap noticed and bumped his elbow into your shoulder playfully. “Ya kno´, I´ve never seen the Captain so focused when it comes to a hostage situation” he said with a grin. You looked at him confused. “Usually we take everything seriously of course but a hostage is usually easier to get back than let´s say…a missile.” He shrugged, still grinning. “I-I guess?” you said slowly. Soap´s gaze landed on the Captain as well before he spoke again. “On our way here, he was as focused as he would be on missions way more dangerous than this. If I didn’t know any better, I´d say he was…rigid. Nervous” he gave you a sideways look. “He´s never, never nervous.”

It couldn’t be helped, you whole body flooded with hope. It made you lightheaded. Or maybe it was dehydration, you didn’t know yet. Soap sighed dramatically and gave your already speeding heart another kickstart. “He even bobbed his knee. Never seen him do that either. You sure you don’t know each other from somewhere?” Humming you raked your brain. Surely you wouldn’t forget a face like his. That ruggedly handsome face, the stern but laid back attitude. His whole being didn’t really seem to fit into any of the functions you would usually be introduced to people. But then again he was a Captain. And aside from what his rank was and that he was gentle, caring and frankly fucking hot, you didn’t know much about the man. It could be possible.

“I-I really don’t know” you answered truthfully. “It could be possible we´ve been introduced but…” you sighed and felt your face heat up. Soap chuckled next to you with a light “Aha”.

The closer you got to the base of the mountain, the hotter it got. At this point you couldn´t even remember ever having cold feet. Sweat was rolling down your back and temples and the light-headedness slowly became a problem. With the still quite steep cliff next to everyone, it worried you. When you turned what seemed like the last corner, you lifted your head from the path in front of you to look at John and Ghost. They were waiting a few meters ahead but they seemed to sway side to side. You reached out your hand to the right to stabilise yourself as your vision began to swim and nausea rose in your guts. Faintly you heard John call out your name and the next moment Soaps arm was around you. Your legs gave out and you sunk to the ground slowly. Not a second later John was kneeling at your side touching your face worriedly. His blue eyes open wide.

“Damn it, sweetheart. You promised” he said not caring about who heard him. “Ghost! Water.” Ghost handed him a full bottle and without hesitating he opened it and poured half of it down the back of your neck and over your head. It felt incredible and you let out a huge sigh. Next, John took your chin into his calloused fingers and lifted your face towards him. “Open” he grumbled. If you weren’t still slightly delirious it would have turned you on like nobodies business how he said it. You opened your mouth obediently while John held the bottle to your lips. Taking big gulps you felt the nausea fade little by little. Johns gaze was fixed on your lips while addressing the other two men.

“We´ll take a break here. Move into the shade over there. Soap, try to reach Gaz and Nick and see where they are. We´re about to reach the evac point early tomorrow morning.” The moment you were done drinking, John released the breath he was holding quietly and carefully wiped away a stray droplet of water from your chin. The gesture so fond your mouth twitched into a smile.

He moved slightly so you could look at him better and gave you a stern look. Before being able to apologise however he spoke. “Why didn’t you ask for a break? Dehydration isn't something you just walk off.” Again his hand moved to the side of your face and cradled it, his eyes swimming with worry. “I know. I´m sorry. I was about to ask…it overcame me quicker than I thought.”

Without thinking about it you leaned into his touch and closed your eyes. You heard him take in a deep breath as he moved his thumb gently over your cheek. “Alright. We´ll take a break here. Come on, let´s get you into the shade.” He leaned over and pulled you upright. Just like the night they rescued you, he practically carried you over to where Ghost and Soap sat before letting you down, sitting next to you. “Sleep a little if you´re tired. We´ve almost got it.” You felt your limbs relax and groaned slightly. Before you knew it, John guided your drooping head onto his shoulder where it rested comfortably as you slept.

The next time you opened your eyes it was already dark. You jolted upright which made your head pound and looked around wildly. “___, calm down. It´s alright.” John was still next to you handing you some more water. “It´s dark already” you groaned. He nodded and gestured for you to drink. “We´re walking the rest of the way tonight. It´s only another four hours. Can you make it?” Dragging in air after you sat the bottle down you looked at him stubbornly. “Yes” you said simply. Looking around you realised you were alone. “Where are Ghost and Soap?”

“We spotted a stream further down. They are down there filling the water bottles. They´ll be waiting for us.” Your face fell again. “We´ve lost so much time” you whispered and leaned back into the stone. John shook his head. His face partially illuminated by the bright moon. “I´d much rather lose time than risk your wellbeing on the last stretch” he said earnestly. You looked at him again. Really looked at him. The lines around his eyes seemed deeper in this light, the edges of his face sharper and the light streaks of grey in his beard standing out more prominently. Neither of you spoke as a kind of understanding dawned in your eyes. His eyebrows rose slightly when he noticed your face getting closer and closer.

John´s POV

It was almost painful to look at the natural beauty the moonlight emphasized on your face. His breath caught in his lungs, his heart a single clump of worry and affection. He wanted to touch your face again, let his fingers feel the soft skin he feared he´d never get to touch again. Unknowingly his head moved forwards as well until your foreheads met and his nose slightly bumped yours. You closed your eyes and John swore for as long as he´d live, he´d remember this feeling. He´d treasure it in his heart until it gave out. He felt your hand on his and took it immediately. Squeezing it tightly he blew all caution to the wind and lifted it to his lips. When he brushed your knuckles he felt you take in a quick breath and saw you open your eyes again. Glittering and solely trained on him he waited with baited breath.

“You know me. Don´t you?” you whispered to him. He grasped your hand tighter again and nodded against your forehead. “Your parents´ spring party two years ago” he whispered. “You wore a pale blue summer dress” he took a deep breath and continued in a playful accusatory tone. “And you ignored me.”

Hearing you giggle made his whole world spin slightly faster. “I ignored everyone at that party” you said gently, your eyes boring into his. “Kind of whish I hadn´t now.” John´s heart nearly gave out at your confession. “I can´t believe I don´t remember you” you whined and again closed your eyes. “Will you stop putting yourself down, darling?” he asked and because he just couldn’t help himself, kissed the back of your hand again.

_____´s POV

The endearment he used made your whole body quiver. What was it about this man? It took every ounce of willpower in you not to move into him and close the gap.

“I´m just saying,” you said and slightly detached from him to look at him more earnestly. “If I´d paid more attention-“ “It doesn´t matter now,___” John said and squeezed your hand. “Besides” he bunched his eyebrows together. “I almost didn’t go to the thing. Those fancy gatherings…they´re not for me.” He smiled at you. The lines around his eyes again so prominent. You reached out and gently let your fingers glide over them. “Yeah” you said with a smile of your own. “I know the feeling.”

A few minutes later, John and you made your way down the rest of the way. To make sure you were okey, he didn’t let go of your hand until the dark shadows of his two team mates appeared. “___” Soap said quietly as you came into view. “You a´right?” You nodded and smiled at him. “I´m good, Soap. Thanks”

Without another word you started you started the last few hours of your journey. You followed Soap while John took his place behind you as you marched on. The moon was just bright enough to let you see where you were going but not much else. Which was ideal since you couldn’t use flashlights. Now that you reached level ground the last few hours went by without a hitch for you.

Eventually you heard John sigh behind you. “That´s it, we just crossed the border. If we were being followed, they wouldn’t be so stupid as to attack here.” Relief flooded your system and your pace picked up.  Another half hour later and you could see a huge dark mass in the distance. Something was moving around it. John put his fingers to his ear. “Gaz, we´re 5 minutes out. Ready the heli.”

A few moments later the massive corpus of a helicopter came into view. It sat disguised by the dark and some rogue boulders far off the road. You noticed two other men waiting by the heli. A strapping young fellow jogged over to you. “Glad to see you all in one piece, Captain” he said as he got closer. “Gaz” John said and gave the man a hefty clap on the shoulder. “Well done.” The man named Gaz looked at you with a proud expression. “You too Ms.___. Your parents will be happy to see you unharmed.” You nodded weakly, the end of this nightmare making your legs shake.

John walked over to a second man that was casually leaning against the helicopter, you following him. “Nick” he said with a grateful tone. “Thanks for helping us out. Again.” The men shook hands in a way that you were sure would have crushed not only your entire hand but your forearm as well. “Anytime, Captain” the deep, dark voice of Nick answered with a thick Russian accent.

Suddenly, the mood shifted. You didn’t quite know what happened but all five men at the same time turned their heads towards the horizon behind the casually strewn boulders. Within seconds, Nick jumped into the open helicopter, Soap and Ghost ran over to the boulders, weapons drawn and aiming them at the horizon and John whirled you around to face him. “I need you to do exactly as I tell you.” His tone of voice changing dramatically with no room for disobedience. Fear paralysed you, so you just nodded. He shook his head. “Words.”

“Yes, I will.”

With a roar the helicopter came to life and John´s face was illuminated. An ice bold bucket emptied its contents into your innards. John had a look of fear in his eyes. His face was stone hard, his jaw set but his eyes wouldn’t leave yours. And then, in the distance you saw what they´d heard way before you did. Vehicles. Making their way quickly over to your location. Your eyes snapped back to John´s but before you could say anything, the hands that were holding your shoulders pulled you in as he crashed his lips onto yours.

Shock, warmth and even more panic rushed through your veins as the rotators of the helicopter began to turn faster and faster. John´s lips were insistent for as long as they were on yours. The moment he let go, he looked at you with a guilt. Over the gradually louder becoming sounds of the heli he almost had to yell at you. Regret and something determined in his eyes.

“Two years. Two years and I finally get to tell you that I love you!”

One more time he grabbed the back of your neck and kissed you. You, in all the panic and happiness that you felt kissed him back with all your might.

That was until he let go, looked over your head at Gaz and roared “Get her home, Seargent!” Confusion and hurt were the things you felt most when two strong arms grabbed you from behind and all you saw was John´s retreating back. Readying his weapon and joining Soap and Ghost.

“No! No, what are you doing?! Gaz, let go!! Wait…JOHN!!” Gaz, without even having to struggle hauled you up into the helicopter. You were about to jump out again but the determined soldier held your fighting body back with one arm before the other one hammered against the door to the cockpit three times. “Take-off, Nick!” he yelled into the radio.

“NO! NO TAKE-OFF!” you screamed as loud as you could as tears ran down your face. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? THEY´RE STILL DOWN THERE!! YOU CAN´T LEAVE THEM HERE!!” The moment the helicopter left the ground the first few bullets soared through the air, at least five of them hitting it in rapid motions. Gaz pushed you down quickly, laying on top of you until you were high enough in the air and turning direction.

You couldn’t even hear what you were screaming anymore. All you heard were shots from both sides, scattering tires and then…an ear shattering explosion. Heat and the glowing of fire in the distance illuminating your face. It couldn’t be. It was not supposed to end this way!

“JOOOOOOOOOHN!!!”

___________________________________________________________

Sometime into the flight home, your body gave up on staying conscious. Your vocal cords hurting, your chest burning and no more tears to shed, you slipped under.

You only came to when the helicopter touched ground again and the flashing lights of an ambulance illuminated your face. It all happened very quickly. You were hauled onto a stretcher, lights were shone into your eyes and irritation flooded your body. So many voices…one in particular. “___” you heard the deep rumble of your father. He sounded relieved, almost choked up. “___, darling, can you hear me?” You opened your eyes and the memories came flooding back. Adrenalin surged through your body and with surprising strength you grasped onto your fathers wrist. “It´s okey, darling. It´s okey. You´re home. You´re safe” your father said and took your hand. You shook your head trying to speak.

“Stop” your father bellowed to the paramedics that were pushing your stretcher, leaning over you. “What is it, love?” You had some difficulty finding your voice. “John” you whispered. “Ghost, Soap. They´re still…They´re still…” tears ran down the side of your face and something dawned on your fathers face. Still holding your hand reassuringly he yelled for Gaz who came running over, saluting your father.

“Seargent” your father said in an irritated tone. “What happened?” Gaz took a deep breath. “Ambush, Sir. The Captain gave the order to leave them. We were only able to escape because they stayed.” Your father looked at your devastated, pleading face and then over to the Helicopter. Propped up as you were, you saw Nick standing next to it, lighting a cigarette. Your fathers eyebrows narrowed. “Do I even want to know who that is?” he asked sternly. Again, Gaz saluted. “With all due respect, Sir. No, you do not.” Your father nodded once and again looked at you, his expression softening.

“Seargent Garrick” he addressed Gaz who still stood there with an intact salute. “I sent four of my best men on this mission” His eyes narrowed as he gritted out his next sentence. “I expect four of them back!” Gaz swallowed. “Yes, Sir.”

Seemingly satisfied with this answer your father jerked his head towards the helicopter and Gaz took off running. You saw how Nick stubbed out his cigarette and jumped back inside. A few moments later, they were off again. A little spark of hope settled in your aching chest. Your father leaned over you again, gently stroking your cheek. “Now” he said in a voice you hadn´t heard from him since you were a small child. “Let´s get you taken care of. Your mother is beside herself with worry.”

It was all bitter sweet. When you arrived at the hospital and wheeled into a fancy one patient only room, you mother jumped from the chair she was sitting in with a wail you´d never heard from her and threw herself onto you. Clawing at your dirty clothes and kissing your dirt smudged forehead you suddenly realised how old she looked. No makeup, hair haphazardly thrown into a bun on top of her head, she looked ages older and somehow more human than she had in a long, long time. Not being able to hold back anymore, you clung to her like a child and cried into her chest.

When your father entered the room all he saw was his wife and daughter in the same bed, cuddling and sleeping soundly. He couldn’t help the smile on his face, took a picture with his phone and sent it to his son. “Call me now” his message read underneath.

The next time you woke up, your mother was gone but in the chair beside your bed sat your father. When you stirred, he immediately perked up and took your hand. “Hey, sweety. How´re you feeling?” he said in a low voice. You smiled slightly. “Thirsty” you rasped. He nodded and got up to pour you a glass of water while you pushed the button on your bed to sit up. You took the glass from him and downed it quickly. “They´ve put an IV in you but I guess more water can´t possibly hurt” he said when he took the glass back from you. You nodded, staring at the IV in your hand.

So many things rushed through your head all at once and you didn’t know how to even begin. Apparently neither did your father. The silence stretched but then, your father spoke in a small voice that you´d never heard from him.

“I´m so sorry, sweetheart. This is all my fault.”

Hot tears welled in your eyes again as you shook your head. “It´s not” you said weakly but he shook his head. “The only reason you were taken is me and my position. I should have looked out for you! I´m so sorry.” You took his hand and squeezed it.

“I didn’t exactly let you” you said sniffling. “I basically ran away, remember?” He nodded, looking at your crumbled sheets. “I always thought my position and the hard work I put behind it would somehow make your and your brothers life easier.” He sighed. “You know, with the reputation and the benefits that came with it. I wanted to open all doors for you.” You nodded. “Along the way however, I didn’t even realise that I closed some of these doors again myself. Because they wouldn’t fit into said reputation.” He again shook his head in disbelieve. “How foolish.”

“Please look at me” you said. Your fathers eyes met yours and something raw catapulted itself out of your chest when you saw his eyes. “Please don’t ever think that neither Alexander nor I don’t know what you´ve sacrificed. We just couldn’t understand it when we got older. You became…distant. And Mum…downright obsessed with perfection. It was hard, especially for Alexander to understand what was asked of us. And, I´m so sorry to say but in my opinion, Alec took the blow.” Your father nodded and looked more ashamed than you´d ever seen him. “He took the blow so I could be myself. So I could rebel. He took on the work, I took on the disappointment.”

“Neither of you have ever been a disappointment” came a small voice from the door. Turning your head you saw your mother walking over to you with tears in her eyes. “It all got out of hand so quickly. Your father climbing the ranks, the social responsibility that came with it. The constant questions and comparisons” she wiped at her eyes. “At one point we thought what society expected of our children, we should expect from out children. We were wrong. So wrong.” She shook her head, her mouth in a straight line. “I think none of us ever forgot the love we have for one another but…priorities shifted and we all got frustrated at some point and we all showed that. All except Alec, of course. He always just tried to…keep it all together” a sob escaped her and she shook her head vehemently.

“No more, I say” she said resolutely and looked at your father challengingly, who nodded with wide eyes, staring at her like he´d just seen her for the first time. “No more of this nonsense. I love throwing parties. But not when the people attending are trying to tell me what to expect from my family. You-” she looked at your father, “have worked yourself to the bone and it paid off. You deserve to rest on your laurels.”

Your father smiled at her fondly. “And frankly” she inhaled a deep breath while you stared at her with an open mouth. “I don’t give a damn if Bernadett What´sHerFace-worthy doesn’t approve of it. She can stick it up her-“

“OKEY, Mum. I think we get it” you said loudly. Little red flecks of rage had formed on your mothers face before she took one look at your dumbfounded face and started giggling. It felt like something huge lifted itself off of your chest. The next moment you dissolved into tears while your parents either kissed your temple or hand. “I wish Alec was here” you hiccupped a few moments later.

“He´ll be here within the next hour” your father said with a look at his watch. You looked at him confused. “I-I thought he was deployed.”

“He was” your mother said with a careful tone. “Oh, darling. You were so exhausted. You-You were out for a while.” Your heart beat faster. “How long?” you asked.

“Two whole days.”

Alexander arrived about an hour later like your father had said. Throwing down his bag he hurried over to you and hugged you close for several minutes. His black hair seemed dull and greasy and his eyes were sunken in. He looked like he hadn’t slept in several days. “You look awful” you said in a light tone. Chuckling he leaned back and nodded. “I know, I know.” He heaved a sigh through his nose. “I haven’t slept much. I was bloody worried about you. Just sitting somewhere, not being able to help. I was so glad when Dad said he sent Captain Price. That man-“ he stopped talking when you started whimpering. “___?” he asked carefully.

“There was an ambush at the evac point” you stuttered out through your sobs. “Gaz and Nick brought me back but John” you took a shaking breath. “John and the others stayed to make sure we could escape.” Alex looked at you and tried to console you. “Oh,___, I´m so sorry you had to see that. The Captain surely didn’t make this decision lightly. But trust me, he´s one of the most capable men I´ve ever-“ “There was an explosion” you whispered and looked at your brother with wet eyes. His face fell and there was nothing more he could say. Instead he took you into his arms again and let you cry into his shoulder.

“By the way” Alexander eventually said to try and take your mind off of the Captain and his fate. “What the heck did you say to Dad? He wrote me a message to call him and didn’t use any exclamation marks.” You rubbed at your eyes and looked at his face. “Told him the hard truth. How it was growing up with him and Mum. We´ve had some…conversations.” Alexander nodded and smiled brightly at you. “It was about time they heard it.” He looked grateful. “Thank you for doing the hard part. I can´t remember the last time Dad pulled me in for a hug.” You shook your head. “You´ve don’t the hard part for years. It was nothing.” Alexander gave you a stern look, almost scolding.

“I don’t want to be that person,___, but I´m not sure you realise. You almost died a few days back. The chances of getting you back were slimmer than you might imagine.”

A cold feeling ran down your back and again you were reminded of the heroes that saved your life. And quite possible sacrificed theirs to do so. Two years and I finally get to tell you that I love you.  

“They can´t be gone” you said with a think voice. “He can´t be gone” You shook your head in defiance. Your phrasing let your brother perk up and sincerely he hoped, that he didn’t give Captain Price too much credit.  

You were released quite quickly after you woke up. Other than being exhausted and your feet having seen better days, your body was fine. Your parents brought you home with them for a few days so you wouldn’t be alone. It was a little strange to be in your spotless childhood home that hadn’t exactly invoked the best of feelings in you for the last couple of years.

Now however, your family sat at the ginormous kitchen island together, drinking wine, you mother cooking her favourite Italian dish and no one caring about whether a stray spaghetti fell onto the marble countertop or you father laughed so hard at something Alec said that he spilled wine everywhere before being able to set his glass down.

You looked around the faces of the people you loved. Noticing how your brother started to look like your father more and more and for one, that thought didn’t make you sad or mad. You saw your mother smiling and giggling like she used to and not looking like she constantly smelled something bad. Why hadn’t this been possible before you almost lost your life.

“Promise me something, all of you” you said and looked at all of them. Their attention was on you instantly. “Please let´s not forget that this,” you gestured around your family and yourself. “Could have been us all along. We can´t get back to old patterns.” You looked at your mother who smiled with wet eyes. “I´m not saying I particularly enjoyed being abducted but-“ you had to grin a little. “It showed us all very clearly what was important in the end. Really important. I won´t run anymore.” Pointing at you father you said “You will stop being distant and show us that you love us, damnit.” Your father nodded his head strongly and whispered a ´promise´.

“You” you pointed at your brother. “You will stop trying to be Dad all the time. You´ve already accomplished so much! Slow down.” Alexander gave you a mock salute. “And you” you moved your head towards your mother. “Please for the love of all that is holy, take that stick out of your arse and be your own person. Have your own mind and opinions.” Your mother looked at you proudly before rounding the kitchen island and hugging you close to her chest, kissing your head several times.

That night you lay in bed, body not hurting much anymore, slightly drunk on wine and happiness that your family found each other again. And yet, deep, deep hurt settled in your guts. You had your family back and lost the man you were falling in love with. You knew it the moment he said it. His image and touch never left your mind and you worried and cried each night, wondering if he was alive. If Gaz and Nick had reached him, Ghost and Soap. It had almost been a week since the moment he´d kissed you and you were nowhere near ready to accept that his demise was an option. It scared you more than anything. You decided to ask your father to get some inside information on the matter in the morning.

A knock on your door woke you up. “___” your mothers voice came through the door before it opened and she stuck her head in. “___, darling, please get up. Breakfast is ready.” She was grinning ear to ear and somehow that made you nervous. “What´s going on?” you asked as you got out of bed. “Nothing” you mother sang before she moved away from the door. “Hurry, though” she added before walking down the stairs. You shook your head before getting dressed, checking on your hair and brushing your teeth.

Halfway down the stairs you heard the voices of several men and halted immediately. Your heart was jumping around your ribcage as you tried to make out what they were saying. You heard a Scottish lilt and immediately started thundering down the last steps and ran into the living room. Almost running into the couch you scattered to a halt as soon as you saw the bulking mass of Ghost standing at the bay window and Soap, who had been talking to your brother before you came in. Now, he regarded you with a brilliant smirk and a wink.

Before you could do much else, you sprinted forward and hugged Soap quickly, tears rolling quietly down your cheeks. “Aww, no need for tears, now” he said and patted your back affectionately. “You´re okey” you whispered as you let go of him and regarded both soldiers with a tearful laugh. “You´re both alright” you wiped at your eyes. Soap chuckled. “Yep.”

But that would mean…You turned and scanned the room. Through the open French doors you could see into the kitchen but there was only your mother. Your brother, Soap and Ghost were all in the living room with you. Soap seemed to know who you were looking for and pointed his eyes over to the door that lead into your fathers office.

Said door opened right then and there. Your father walked out with a satisfied look on his face. Behind him, the man that had been hunting your good and bad dreams emerged. Time seemed to stand still.

You were only used to seeing him in his gear, tactical vest and all. This version of him wore washed out jeans, boots, a black V-neck sweater and a navy blue beanie. He´d never looked more attractive. His eyes found yours immediately and his first action was to take his beanie off his head before he took several long strides towards you. His arms held you the moment your knees gave out and you started sobbing into his strong chest. Finally being able to fully feel his body underneath your palms you weren’t that surprised to see that the man was actually built like a tank.

Your arms wound around his waist, palms spread across his back while you shook in his arms. “Shhh” he whispered into your hair. “It´s okey, darling. I´m here.” Your sobs became momentarily more intense before slowly dying down. Now, just sniffling, your face was still resting on one of his pecks, you felt his heartbeat strong and quick against your skin and it calmed you down like nothing else. You lifted your head and looked at him. It felt like seeing him again after years of yearning and missing him. Oh, did you miss him.

His eyes were slightly wet and swimming with happiness as he took your face in his hands. “I was so worried about you, are you broken?” he asked in a quiet voice and looked you up and down. You huffed incredulously. “Me, John? Me? You were the one we left there. Being shot at…Are you alright?” He nodded his head gently and leaned his forehead against yours again. It was a feeling like coming home. “I had to make sure you got out of there. That was my first priority. I´m sorry I put you through all that.”

Your hands moved from fisting his sweater, to gently palming his chest and finally snaking your arms around his neck. He smiled lovingly at you and pulled you closer by your waist. “Listen” he said hesitantly before he rushed out “I know this is your parents house and I really don’t want to piss off your father but damn it, my love, I missed you so much I-“

“Kiss me already, you big oaf” you said with a smile before finally pulling him down towards you.

His lips connected with yours in a much gentler way than the first time. Everything seemed better. His lips softer, the air sweeter, the day brighter. Nothing mattered. Nothing but his breath on your lips, his beard slightly scratching your skin and his earthy scent in your nose. Playfully he nipped on your lower lip before you giggled and opened your mouth.

Groaning he moved a hand into your hair and let his tongue glide over yours once, slowly, sensually before moving back slightly and panting.

“Fucking hell, baby. There´ll be time for that. I´ll make time for that but maybe not here, yeah?” Your head was spinning but you nodded deliriously and with a dopey smile on your face. It felt like walking on clouds being in his arms. He hugged you close again and you melded into him for what felt like hours. One of his big hands cradled your head, the other one gently raking over your back. John´s nose buried in your hair.

From the corner of your eye you could see your family and friends sending you smiles and some thumbs up. Grinning again you detached from John to tell him what´s been burning on your tongue for days.

“I'm falling for you” you whispered.

John´s eyes went wide and his chest expanded quickly. “You are?” he asked as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

You nodded and stroked his cheek. “I am. I was so scared. I saw the explosion and I thought-I thought-” John looked at you apologetically. “You saw it?” he asked and rubbed your back soothingly. “I´m sorry, darling. That was Soap actually. He´s pretty good at making things go ´KA-BOOM´. Saved our arses.” He kissed your forehead. “We got out. We´re alright. I´m here and you´re with me.” Happily you nodded your head and looked at him with all the love and admiration you felt.

“My hero” you said with a grin. John pulled a face before kissing your lips once more.

“No hero, baby. Just me. Just yours.”

____________________________________________________-

Thank you very much for reading such a long oneshot :D You guys are amazing. Please consider interacting with this post. What helps most is feedback. So comments and reblogs are hugely apreciated.

Thank you all very much <3

[firsttimewriter92]

My haven could be you - Part 3

Joel Miller x f!reader (18+) - Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Joel fights some inner demons about your relationship until you make him see that he is more to you than just a warm body in your bed

Word count: 5.072

Warnings: angst, flirting, pining, feelings, smut, dirty talk, PinV intercourse, rough, desperate, cursing, phisical fight, inapropriate behaviour towards a woman, injury

MINORS DNI!!!

Authors note: Here it is :) The highly requested Part 3. It´s gettin´ steamy again my loves. Hold onto your panties! Not proveread yet

The days trickled by like summer rain and Joel seemed to be more infatuated with you day by day. He´d cook for you, you´d provide the veggies and meats. He´d make sure you got home safe each night before kissing you goodbye passionately in front of your door. On more occasion than one you´d just walk backwards into your apartment and pull him with you. And although he tried to be a gentleman, sometimes your eyes, crooked grin and hands all over his chest made it impossible to resist another night with you.

Something was nagging in the back of his head though. Was he really holding back because he wanted to be a gentleman and take is slow or did he just not want people to see him emerge from your apartment in the morning? The both of you had been out in public together, sure. But you never held hands, kissed or acted couple-y at all. You hadn´t even talked about the status of your relationship. Yes, the sex was fantastic and the attraction was magnetic, earthshattering and simply an addicting feeling.

Still, you were quite a bit younger than him and sometimes when he looked onto your sleeping face in the crook of his arm he was painfully reminded of your youth. No lines or bags around your eyes, smooth skin, vibrant hair. Some scars here and there of course but they never distracted from your beauty in his eyes.

One particular night, he again was unable to resist your touch and little kisses and by the time you fell onto his sweaty chest panting, he once again wondered how in all the stars you were attracted to him. Your sweet little breaths still tickled his chest hair as you lightly chuckled. His broad hands moved soothingly over your back when he heard it.

“Oh, come on. I wasn´t that bad” he said with a smirk. Pinching his side and grinning wildly you lifted your head and looked at him. Rolling your eyes at his smirk you leaned up and kissed him thoroughly again. Your tongue was just as addicting as basically everything else. He groaned deep in his throat and enjoyed the post orgasmic laziness with you. When you broke the kiss you opened your eyes and smiled down at him. Your knuckles gently stroked his cheekbones.

“Would you stop making fun of yourself already? I can´t tell yet whether you´re serious or not.” Joel raised an eyebrow. “I´m making fun of myself?” he asked quietly. “Yes,” you said with a nod and lowered your voice comically. “…let this old man take you to bed. You´re only riding me because you want to spare my back. Old and fragile men need to be in bed early-“ Joel pinched your side with a chuckle before you could continue. “I guess I do make a lot of these comments, don´t I?” he said in a much more pensive tone. You hummed and looked at him curiously. “You…you know I don´t mind the age gap…right?” you asked carefully. Joel took a deep breath. So…it was today, huh? The talk.

“Why?” he asked with a sigh. If he wanted to feel more confident with you he´d had to ask. “Why don’t you mind? It´s not small.” You nodded. “True. It´s not what´s considered normal I guess but seriously…what has been in the last 20 years?” Your temper was flaring up a little. “I don´t care because you´re so fucking hot I can barely keep my hands to myself. I don´t care because you´re gentle with the people you love or want to protect and ruthless to those who harm the innocent. You can be so insanely funny when you let loose a little and I pride myself in the fact that I manage to tickle that out of you sometimes. I don´t care because you don’t give a fuck about what people think about you but care about what they think of me…that´s the reason you always leave and never stay the night, isn’t it? So no one sees you leave my apartment and judges me. Isn´t that right?” Your eyes were hard when you looked into his face again.

Joels eyes were wide with recognition and his mouth slightly open with surprise. He certainly didn’t expect this turn in the conversation. “I´m much older than you” he said lamely. “I don´t want people to think you don´t have other options or…I´m blackmailing you somehow. Argh, I don´t know” he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Joel” you said as gently as you could and it made his stomach spasm. “Joel, that´s not the case. No one is thinking that.” He scoffed. “And even if they did, they can suck some donkey´s ass for all I care!” You grumbled and kissed his chest. “I like you, Joel. I like you a fucking lot and if the last 20 years have taught me anything, it´s that we cannot make our happiness dependent on others. We have to make it on our own. At least until we find people that understand us and accept us.” You looked into his dark eyes. “If it helps…there are one or two people out there who´ve known about my… strong infatuation with you even before you asked me out. And they are very happy for me.” You didn’t know why you were blushing now. Joel had been inside of you only minutes before.

He looked at you a little dumbly but with a racing heart. “Y-You told people you have…a thing for me?” You shook your head. “No, not a thing, dumbass, you need to listen” you said sternly. “I told people that I´m infatuated with you. That I am besotted with you. That I like you! Do you get that now?” Beginning to get a little annoyed and also fighting your own insecurities, you waited for his answer. Under your palm you felt his heart pick up once more. It was like his whole body was kick starting as heat encased you yet again. With precise and quick movements Joel grabbed your waist and suddenly and with a little shriek you found yourself on your back, buried underneath him.

His eyes were the colour of coffee reflecting sunlight as he licked his lips and stared down at you. Well, you guessed this wasn´t a rejection then. “Woman” he growled. “I don´t know how you do it, but you…” he looked lost for words then sighed deeply. “I really” he kissed your nose “really” he kissed your forehead “like you too.” He kissed your lips deeply. Humming you snaked your arms around his strong neck again and pulled.

“Will you please st-“

“Yes” he interrupted against your lips.

“Yes. This is going to take until sunrise anyway so,” he grinned and descended to your neck as his tongue lightly tickled your skin. “I´ll be here all night.” You grinned and arched into him. “Don´t let me stop you then.”

The next morning Joel woke up to the smell of instant coffee and eggs, overpowered only by your scent that still clung to his skin and your pillow. Like a lovesick teenager he turned his head into the pillow and took a deep breath. Instant calmness and happiness washed over him. A feeling he´d almost forgotten. A feeling he could have sworn was lost to him, even before the outbreak. It hit him so incredibly hard he jumped out of your bed almost in a craze. With a pounding heart, almost in panic he swung open your bedroom door and stormed into your living room. To his left was your open little kitchen and there…you stood.

You held the pan with fried eggs in hand, spatula halted in the air as you looked at him with big eyes full of curiosity. “Joel?” His chest was heaving as he took you in fully. You were wearing a white top, no bra and plaid shorts that stopped mid-thigh. Driven by the promise of your warmth and still the almost impending panic in his system he moved forward, stretching his arms out to you. You let go of the pan and spatula immediately.

He crashed into you, pulling you so close to his chest you momentarily lost your breath. One hand came to the back of your head, burying into your hair, the other one rested on your waist, pulling you into him. Your own arms came around his waist immediately as you mumbled into his neck. “Joel? What´s happened?” His breathing was calm but his heart was not. “Bad memory…crept in on me” he said. It was only half a lie. He did remember something. But it wasn´t anything bad. At least, he hoped not. “I see” you said gently and squeezed him a little more. He rested his cheek onto your head and just stood there with you for a while. You enjoyed every second of it, your thumbs painting patterns onto his skin. Gently you kissed his neck. “Better?” you asked and lifted your head slightly. Joel looked down at you and lightly tapped the tip of your nose with his own. “Yeah” he drawled. “Yeah, ´s better now, darlin´.” Oh. Dear. Gods. Above. The accent…you felt your knees weaken as you tried to control your bodies reaction.

You cleared your throat and leaned back slightly. “Eggs are getting cold” you whispered. “Breakfast. Go sit down” you almost couldn’t look at him. He leaned down, looking at you so intently you forgot how to breath. “Yes ma´am” he said in a gravelly voice and hadn´t his arms still been encasing you, you knew you would have slithered down your cabinets. His lips where on yours the next second and far too quickly he released you again. Your lips tingling and a very strange feeling in your gut.

After breakfast, Joel wanted to work on the drain outside of his and Ellies house and you decided to visit Dakota in the bakery. She needed a well deserved update. The both of you exited your apartment, descended the flight of stairs and came to a stop in front of the bakery. Joel looked at you fondly although a nervous tick lifted the corner of his mouth. You took initiative. Smiling up at him like he was a precious price you´d just won, you leaned in, lay your hands on his chest and gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek. Joel took a deep breath and as you leaned back reached out his hand and gently stroked the apple of your cheek.

“See you at the bar tonight for dinner?” he asked. You grinned and nodded yes immediately. Watching him leave into the direction of his house you turned on your heals and dramatically opened the doors to the bakery. Dakota was already sitting on the counter, flower in her hair as always and the most shit eating grin on her face you´d ever seen on a person. “You absolute devil of a woman. How the fuck did you do that?” she asked with more than just awe in her voice.

“Do what?” you asked, genuinely confused for a second. Dakota rolled her eyes. “Sweet cheeks. Joel doesn’t exactly have the reputation of lovey dovey boyfriend material. So, how´d you do it? Seeing that just now...that man eats out of the palm of your hand!” She cackled at her last statement while you thought about it. She was absolutely right. The man that you first met a couple of months ago and the man that had just said goodbye…they weren’t exactly the same. “Maybe that´s a good thing” you said defiantly, smirking at your friend. Dakota nodded and threw you a piece of freshly baked baguette.

“Maybe now he can let loose a little.” She said wisely. “The fucking must be glorious!” You threw your head back as you laughed and hopped onto the counter as well. “Oh, Ducky. You have no idea.”

______________________________________________________

Joel was looking at his freshly showered face as he buttoned up his dark green plaid shirt. His hand glided over his hair and his beard. You called him hot. He almost scoffed again but wrangled it down. If you said it was hard for you not to touch him, he´d do his best to believe it. For fucks sake, you had his dick in your mouth last night…twice... and he still thought about if your actions were genuine.

When he praised your body all night long he knew in his heart every word was nothing but the truth. So he really had to believe you too. That also meant that he should really start not giving a shit about what other people thought of their…relationship? Situationship? Maybe…if he made his interest in you known to everyone, situations like the one with Levi would probably not happen again.

His chest expanded in an involuntary growl thinking about the man that had dared to lay his hands on you. He remembered the hot white jealousy he felt and the rage when he saw it. A weird possessive feeling spread through him and somehow he marvelled in it. He couldn’t wait to see you tonight. He´d loved the time he had you all to himself in his or your room. It was time however to let the people know that you were his and he wouldn’t tolerate anyone’s hands on you except his own.

________________________________________________________

The moment you spotted him standing in front of the barn you knew something was different. He carried himself differently. He was talking to his brother who spotted you first, smirked and patted Joels back before entering the barn.

Joels head whipped towards you and he smiled. Your heart was in your throat all of a sudden. When you stood in front of him, admiring his broad body once again he hummed contently and gave you a firm hug. “Hungry?” he asked into your hair. “Yeah” you breathed in surprise. He let go of you and gently guided you inside the barn with a warm hand on your back. The feeling was indescribable. You had so idea how much you actually wanted him to show his affections in public. It made you feel like this wasn’t just pure attraction and sexual tension.

Joel guided you to one of the free tables and pulled out a chair, looking at you expectantly. From the corner of your eye you could see a few eyes on you. In the back at the bar were Tommi and his wife, watching and smiling. You thanked Joel and sat down with a soft smile. “I´ll be right back” he said and made his way over to the woman who gave out the food for that day. You watched as he gave her a polite nod and waited for her to prepare two plates. With a stinging feeling you saw how she was hungrily looking at Joels exposed forearms that he´d crossed in front of his chest. You saw her say something while leaning suspiciously close to him. A saucy smile on her lips that made your lip curl before you saw Joel´s mouth move. He had a tight lipped smile on his face and suddenly her saucy smile fell a little. You could still see her staring at him while he retreated. Another peng in your chest as you saw her eyes move way too low for your liking.

So, when he made his way back to you, you made a bit of a show of letting your gaze glide over his chest, neck and down to his crotch. Lifting an eyebrow he sat your food in front of you and sat down next to you. “Soooo” you drawled and turned your upper body towards him. “Wanna tell me what this is about?” you asked and gestured to him in general. “What do you mean, darlin`?” he faked a bewildered look. “Oh please,” you giggled. “You´re openly flirting, being incredibly chivalrous and look like sex on legs. What´s a girl to think?”

“Maybe what I want a girl to think is that I am completely under her spell and I think people should know that” he said earnestly. You felt your face heat up and resisted the urge to bury your face in your hands. So, you opted with staring at him a bit too long before you giggled and leaned in closer. “A girl is very, very happy about that.” Joel took a deep breath and nodded. “Eat” he said. “I plan on having a few drinks with you tonight. You know, to celebrate your victory over me” he winked.

“Victory? Was there a battle?” you asked curiously. He shrugged a little. “Momentarily.” His face became serious for a second. “I´m glad you fought for me, though.” Your heart all but melted when he said that. “I´d do it a million times over” you said. He exhaled through his nose, took your hand and gave it a quick kiss. With a roaring satisfaction you saw how the woman that was oogling him before suddenly looked very sour and turned away. A massive sense of “mine” invaded your body as you gave him a heated look.

All fed and happy you strolled over to the bar, Joels arm around your waist. You were glad that no one gave you any dirty looks. Other than one or the other disappointed glance from various women. But you could live with that. The evening proceeded and it was the most fun you had in ages. Music was playing, you were drinking and Joel got touchier by the minute. Nothing dirty or inappropriate but people had to be blind not to see how much he enjoyed being with you.

Around midnight however you spotted something that made your blood boil so bad, you almost threw your glass of whiskey against a wall. Joel was standing next to you talking to one of the horse handlers as you saw the uncomfortable face of a young girl across the room. She was trying to establish distance from a very persistent…Levi. He constantly reached out his hand to touch her in some way and her back made it unconsciously close to a wall. If he managed to corner her…

Your legs moved on their own accord. Bothering you for ages and making you feel uncomfortable was one thing. He´d been one more sentence away from a beating from you anyway. But bothering this young girl and cornering her? Fuck no. That beating was coming. You weren’t even thinking about Joel. Tunnel vision led you directly to the girl. Thankfully she moved back from him in another direction so you now came right up behind her. Levi saw you and an ugly grin made its way onto his sharp features.

As soon as you were in earshot and you could see that he once again was red in the face from too much alcohol he looked directly at you, liking his lips. “I knew a little jealousy would make you see reason,___.” He cackled. “Seriously, trying to make me jealous with that grandpa was just too pathetic.” Rage was coursing through you like fire as you gently pushed the young girl aside and gestured her to get away. She didn’t hesitate for a second whispering a quick thank you.

“As far as I remember that grandpa kicked your ass the last time you dared being disrespectful to me” you hissed in a deadly tone. Levi´s eyes squinted. “That dirty old fucker better watch nex-“ WHAM! With all you might your arm pulled back and your fist collided with Levi´s jaw. Pain shot through your hand but you paid it no mind. A red sheen invaded your vision  as Levi tumbled back, you following and WHAM, your next blow, quite uncoordinated collided with Levi´s ear. He fell to the ground as you panted above him, still standing and seething. “Let me get one thing straight, Levi” you spat. “If I see you one more time making some poor girl uncomfortable, I will personally see to it that you´ll be castrated in the towns square, do you hear me?!” Your voice got louder with every word. “One more time, Levi and I swear that´ll be the longest time you have balls!” You breathed heavily, lowering your voice considerably. "And if you ever dare to say another bad word about Joel, I´ll not only castrate you, I will showcase your balls in jar full of formaldehyde right behind the bar!"

Two men had already grabbed Levi by the arms and dragged him over to the door, smirking at his feeble attempts to fight them off.

The red sheen vanished from your eyes as you stretched to your full hight and turned around, shaking your aching hand. As you looked at it though nothing seemed to be injured. Maybe a bruise would form but nothing a little ice could handle.

When you lifted your head you stopped in your tracks. All eyes in the barn were on you. Heat crept up your neck when you realised that you had probably caused a major scene. Your eyes soughed out Joel´s. You found them immediately and a shiver ran down your spine. He stood still at the bar, glass in hand still and a look of pride, amusement and fiery passion in his eyes. Without breaking eye contact he set down his glass on the bar and walked over to you slowly. Your feet began moving as well, though much quicker as his.

Faintly you could hear how everyone picked up on their previous conversations again and the music became a bit louder. When Joel reached you he still looked like he was about to devour you and laugh his ass off at the same time. With a deep breath he held your face in his hands and with a not so quiet voice, swollen with pride he said “That´s my girl, baby!”

His kiss that followed was electric. Already shaking from its intensity you grabbed onto his shoulders and let him guide. Open mouthed, he took your lips with his in a persistent dance and groaned lightly when he felt your nails bite into his neck. When he let go of you, the ringing in your ears finally let you hear the several hoops and hollers from the spectators around you. You couldn’t help the massive grin that was forming on your face.

“Fucking finally!” you heard a bored voice next to you and saw Ellie smirking at you. Joel already gave her a warning glance. “What?!” she looked at him defiantly. “At least now I can stop lying to people when they ask me about who your date was with and I had to say I didn’t know!” She winked at you. “You owe me one. And now excuse me, I have to get this image out of my brain…and the one from last time as well!”

“Follow me” Joel growled in your ear and took your hand. Leading you towards the kitchen you thought he´d go get some ice for your hand but before you reached the kitchen he made a right and led you down a small hallway towards the backdoor. Your heart was beating out of your chest at this point.

The warm night air hit your face and you took a deep gulp. Joel stopped and quickly looked left and right. To your left where the paddocks for the horses and next to them, neatly stacked into a dark corner, some straw barrels. “Perfect” he muttered to himself and started walking again.

“Joel…erm...” you said with an amused voice. You could see how tense his shoulders were, heard his breath escape his mouth. “I´ll get you some ice for your hand in a minute baby but right now I hope you´ll forgive me…If I don’t fuck you within the next minute, I´m going berserk.” Fluid heat raged through your veins immediately and you already felt its effect on your panties. “Jesus, fuck” you huffed as you reached the barrels and Joel spun you around and pinned you to one of them. His mouth immediately went right to your neck and bit down hard.

A moan raptured from your throat as he licked the sting and groaned at the taste of you. “Sorry darlin´,” he panted against your chest. His fingers inside your cleavage already, searching for your sensitive nipple. “This is going to be quick and desperate. If you´re up for it.” Your head was hazy and leaned back. You spoke to the night sky when you said “Wouldn´t have it any other way.”

With your last willpower you turned around and leaned your elbows on the barrel bending over. Looking over your shoulder with half lidded eyes you wiggled your ass. “Come on, handsome. ´M ready. Quick and dirty.” You moved one of your hands and bunched your dress up to your thigh.

An animalistic growl escaped Joel when he saw the moonlight reflect off of your sweaty thigh. Like a vice his hand gripped yours and led it back to the barrel. “Leave it there” he hissed. Not a minute later your panties dangled somewhere around your ancles, your dress was hiked up over your ass and the sound of Joels belt buckle made your thighs quiver.

“My gorgeous fucking girl, look at you” he panted in awe. “You´re glistening, baby. So ready for me.” You nodded and whined pathetically as you felt the tip of his cock slowly inch into you. “Fuck” you heard Joel growl. “Be ready!” With these words and one powerful thrust he leaned over you and buried himself as deeply inside of you as he could. A shout escaped your moth as you felt his pure desperation in every movement he made. One hand came down next to your ear for support before the other grabbed your hip. “So fucking hot” Joel breathed as his hips snapped into you from behind with bruising accuracy. “Never seen something so hot. God, baby. You smashed that fuckers face in!”

You whined and tried to stay quiet but it was next to impossible. “F-for you. Ah! Shit…He was…he was talking shit about y-you. Oh, oh, hmm!” Joel growled again in a mixture of lust and fury. “I heard” he panted and picked you up by the shoulders. Pressing your back against his chest he picked up speed again and was now rutting into you like a man possessed. He grabbed onto your breast as his other hand quickly moved towards your centre. “Of fuck! Joel, Joel! I´m gonna cum…please!” Your voice spiralled to the beats of the music still coming from the barn.

“I know, doll. I know. Let me help you. I´m. There. With. You.” He accentuated every word with another grind against your ass. The moment he found your clit all you could see was darkness. And then it all exploded into a firework of sparks as you gasped for air, gripping his cock like a vice and trying to will your vocal cords to say his name. “That´s it! Fuck, sweet thing. That´s it! Fuck, yes. Fuck! Yes! Argh!” he yelled into your hair as he pulled himself out of you quickly and spilled all over your inner thighs. You felt his stickiness run along your skin and another wave of shivers wrecked your body. Joel was panting behind you, still holding you up with one arm and slowly relaxing his grip on you.

“Holy shit” he mumbled and kissed your temple. “Are you all right?”

You giggled and leaned your head back onto his shoulder. “Hmmm” you hummed with a smile. “Yes. I am so, so alright. That was incredible.” Joel nuzzled your hair again. “I´m glad” he said gravelly. “I don’t think I would´ve survived if I didn’t take you right that second. Fuckin´ hell.”  

You giggled and slowly turned around, the skirt of your dress falling over your thighs again. “Thank fuck, you did” you grinned and pulled him down for a long kiss. Sorting out your underwear while Joel put himself back into his jeans he suddenly grabbed and hoisted you onto the barrel. Looking down on him slightly you hugged him close with your thighs and looked at him expectantly.

“Got something to say” he whispered and stroked your hair affectionately. “Listening” you said and lightly kissed his lips. He chuckled and chased yours briefly. He opened his eyes and looked at you with affection and incredible softness. “I still know the exact moment I told a girl this for the first time. Needless to say it didn’t work out but…I´m trying to say that I don’t say these things lightly and sure as fuck, not often.” You nodded and let him continue. He took a deep breath. “I´m falling in love with you,___.”

You could have cried. Shaking fingers touched his jaw on both sides as you leaned your forehead to his in a gesture of pure affection and yes, love.

“So am I, Joel” you whispered with tears in your voice. He moved his head from left to right with immense gentleness and leaned in to kiss your lips sensually. His tongue moved over yours with precision and purpose. Minutes later the both of you came up for some much needed deep breaths and chuckled at the state you both were in.

Dishevelled hair, kiss swollen lips and crumpled clothing. “How´s your hand, my love?” he asked gently and took it in his hand. You shook your hand. “I´ll live. But some ice would be good I think.” Joel nodded and helped you down the barrel. He kissed your forehead quickly. “Wanna go to the toilet and…sort yourself out first?” he asked with a bit of a shy tone. “Sorry about the mess.” You grinned and took his hand, pulling him towards the barn again. “You know what? I think I´ll let it be as is for tonight" you grinned over at him. His mouth hung open. “Oh, you absolute temptress” he breathed with a dry mouth. “You better watch it before I put you over my knee.”

Opening the door to the back and the kitchen you turned around and pulled him down for another kiss and you spoke into his mouth. “We have all the time in the world for that, handsome. Let´s start with ice cubes” Joel growled against you. “And get to spanking later.”

That night, you fell asleep in each other´s arms. Sweet words on your lips, content, happy and for the first time in 20 years, with the feeling of hope for a content life.   

______________________________________________________

Thank you very much for reading. Please let me know what you think through a comment or reblog. Likes of course always make my day <3

Love you all and please be safe <3

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[firsttimewriter92]

Everything Black Part 8

This is a Post Azkaban Sirius Black x fem! reader (Muggle) fic I came up with. This is the first time I´m writing something like this and posting it, so let me know if you have any suggestions as to how I can improve my writing. I am not a native speaker so please keep that in mind :) Please, please don´t copy my work.

Warnings: Minor DNI !!! Smut, cursing, angst, PiV, canon typical violence, panik, fluff. I couldn´t help myself. He didn´t deserve what he got, damnit!!

Word count: 6.503

Summary: After the innitial christmas bliss, something happens that shakes your whole existence. Something that has the power to changing everything

My lovely readers. I really need to apologise for making you wait so, so long for this chapter. I was not in the right headspace for Sirius at all and if I´d finished this fic in that state, none of us would have enjoyed it. Thankfully I found my way back to this fic which is so dear to my heart and I sincerely hope that I did it justice with this last chapter. THANK YOU ALL for reading and encouraging me to keep going.

There are some Sirius asks in my inbox so I´m not quite finished with this lovely chap ;) Please enjoy

He looked at you with glowing cheeks and said “My room is closer. Is that alright?” You nodded while a grin split your face. “Yes, absolutely” you said. He slowed down, suddenly pressing you to a door to your right. “Good,” he spoke in your ear. “We´re here.” Kissing you passionately he reached behind you and opened the door. He walked you through it without breaking the kiss, kicking the door close again behind him.

You didn´t even have much time to look around his room when your back hit the closed door again. Not being able to complain in the slightest, you enjoyed Sirius´ hands grabbing hard onto your hips, pressing his whole body into yours. Your hands lay on his chest and you could feel his erratic heartbeat even through all the layer of clothing. Clothing…annoying. With nimble movements your fingers fumbled with the golden buttons on his vest. His lips on yours stretched a little into a smirk. He pulled you off the door slightly and hummed delighted as he bit your lip slightly. “Eager, are we?” he whispered against them and slowly moved his hands from your hips up to encase your ribcage. You hummed with a smile.

“My love,” you said and pushed the vest over his shoulders and off. “This whole evening I couldn’t stop thinking about this right here.” Your hands slithered into the open collar or his dress-shirt, gently stroking your forefinger over the huge tattoo adorning his sternum. Sirius´ eyes were already black as night as he gazed down at you with fiery desire. As an answer to your statement, Sirius lifted his hands and lay them onto your shoulders. His head tilted slightly to the side as he moved the delicate silver straps that were holding up your dress to the side. Torturously slow you felt them slither over your skin until they fell over your arms. The dress fit you so perfectly that it didn’t fall immediately.

Impatience was raging in your veins as you pushed at Sirius´ chest and with a light laugh he tumbled backwards until his knees hit his bed. He sat down without breaking eye contact with you. His hands were at your waist in an instant as he looked up at you appreciatively. You grinned down at him and lightly touched his bearded cheek before taking a step back. For a moment he looked bewildered but then yours hands went to your dress and he quickly sat up straighter. His eyes didn’t seem to know where to look. They flitted from your collarbone to your chest, down to your waist and up to your face again.

Slowly your hands pushed the beautiful green and silver dress down, exposing  the black lace he had requested and you were more than happy to have granted his wish. The way his whole body seemed to vibrate with life and desire the moment the dress hit the floor was everything you ever wanted to see. A low groan escaped his lips as you stood in front of him. “A vision” he said breathily. “C´mere” he stretched out a hand which you took with a grin. He bit his lip and tucked you forward. Without a second to spare his lips connected with the swell of your breasts as you wound your arms around his neck. Sirius´ tongue darted across your skin, tickling, tasting and exploring the expanse of your chest.

You closed your eyes and buried your fingers in his hair, effectively removing the hair tie and letting the bouncy, shiny mass of black curls flow freely between your fingers. Sirius groaned again, gently bit the lace material and tucked it out the way. Seemingly just as impatient as you his hands moved quickly to your back, fumbled for a second and smoothly pulled off your bra. “Who´s eager now?” you asked cheekily but were quickly sucking in a breath through your teeth when you felt his wet lips around your already pointy nipple. You got no answer from him.

Sirius´ mind was completely overcome by you, the taste of you, the essence of you and your presence. The way you melted into his touch, your subtle little noises of pleasure and just the over all fact that you were there with him. He carefully licked around your nipple just to hear your heavy intake of air through and open hanging mouth and he suddenly wished he had one more pair of eyes and hands. Letting go of your chest he looked up at your face and was met with a sight that he could only compare to a renaissance painting. Your head was thrown back ever so slightly, your chest was partially glistening from his saliva, your mouth open and eyes half closed and heavy.

When you couldn’t feel his lips on you anymore you were about to protest but soon felt his hands on your back move. One arm snaked around you waist while a wide palm roughly grabbed your ass and pulled you into his lap quite unceremoniously. When your eyes snapped to his however you saw the playful mischief in them and grinned right back. Wiggling in his lap to get comfortable he hissed slightly and shook his head. Adjusting you on his lap himself, Sirius´ palms made contact with the lace around the plump meat of your ass.

“You feel incredible, do you know that, little dove?” he asked lowly. You nodded your head gently. “You might have mentioned that fact” you said as you kissed his lips lightly. “Want to feel even better?” Sirius grinned. “___,” he said a little hesitant. “Do you really want to? I might be really shit at it, you know. Or it´s going to be over too fast…Can we even…? I mean I don´t have any…erm…preparations-“ “Sirius” you grabbed his face in both hands. “I want more than just your mouth on me. I want more than dry humping. I drank a potion. We´re fine.” You kissed his nose and felt his shoulders relax a little more. “If you´re up for it, I´ll take what you want to give. You won´t be shit, sweet boy.” Bless his unsure heart.

Sirius nodded his head and tried to get his doubts under control. “Was just making sure” he said lamely. You smiled again and leaned into him. Your mouth right next to his pieced ear you whispered “Enough with the doubts, Sirius. I want you. I want you more than anything else. Let me show you.” In a flurry of self confidence you reached for his hand, scooted back a bit on his lap and guided it gently downwards over your chest, over your stomach to the hem of your panties. You heard his breathing pick up. His long fingers curled into the fabric and moved it gently to the side. The moment his digits made contact with your already wet folds he let out a strangled moan. Not just because he felt how ready you were for him but because your own breath escaped right into his ear as you bit it gently.

You could feel his fingers rhythmically move over your folds, gathering wetness there and spreading you open slightly. Bumping your clit in the process you began to shake in his arms and pushed your hips into his hand. “Sweetheart” he panted into your neck and licked your pulse point. “You´re so wet for me.” It almost sounded like he couldn’t believe that he had this kind of affect on you. “Yes” you said as goosebumps erupted all over your back. “More” It came out as a breathless plea and he was more than happy to comply. Putting more pressure into his movements, his fingers found your hole and slowly inserted two of his fingers, groaning. “Fuck” you yelped and bucked your hips again. “That´s it, little one” Sirius growled. “Can I get you off like this? Bet I could, huh?” You could only nod as you felt your insides flutter around his fingers still moving gently but decisive.

It seemed like he was trying to gather all his still functioning thoughts and removed his hand from your panties. “No, no, no, no-“ you whispered and looked at him with unsatisfied eyes. Sirius´ face was flushed bright red and with an open, dry mouth you watched as he lifted his fingers to his lips and without breaking eye contact he licked your wetness off his digits with a content sigh. His eyes fluttering close for a second he wasted no time. Baring his teeth he quickly stood and swung you around onto his mattress. His chest was heaving as he quickly unbuttoned his shirt and threw it over his shoulder. Leaning onto your elbows to see him better you watched with hungry eyes how his wide shoulders rolled momentarily. Lean muscle stretched under beautiful decorated pale skin. His tattoos were even more impressive than you´d thought. They scattered all across his chest, his ribs and his stomach. Most of them you couldn’t decipher and you made a small mental note to ask him about them later. Your mind however was gone again the moment he looked down and popped open the button on his pants, lowering them and stepping out.

The moment your eyes met again he was on you. Without thinking about it he made himself at home between your thighs. His hot and swollen dick nestled perfectly above your panties. The feeling was unlike anything you´d ever felt. It felt like being with someone who actually wanted to be there, who wasn´t trying to make this solely about himself. Sirius´ kisses to your neck, jaw and lips told a completely different story. One of dedication, passion and devotion. With shaking hands you help his face while kissing him and wrapping your legs around his narrow waist. “Sirius” you breathed against his mouth. “Please….make me yours.” Sirius´ stomach was doing summersaults at this point and with a gentle nod of his head his hand wandered over your ribs and to the last bit of fabric on your body. Untangling from him you watched him get on his knees and with a concentrated gaze pulled off your panties. Sensually his hands guided the garment over your thighs, calves and finally off your body.

He stared at you. How your chest heaved and shook with panting breaths. How your pussy glistened in the dim light of the gas lamps left and right of his bed. An awestruck gaze flashed through his silver irises and he gently shook his regal head as if to convince him that you were really there. Your own eyes however were trained on the bulge in his boxers. The one twitching when he noticed the hungry look in your eyes. “Ready, dove?” he asked gently and leaned further over you. You wet your lips and as your answer, reached out to his hips. Almost impatiently you tucked at his boxers and pushed them as far as you could down over his ass. He chuckled a bit and took care of the rest himself.

Seeing him in all his glory was almost too much for your poor brain. A beautiful face that told a story of pain, endurance and immense gentleness, wide shoulders, lean chest and a narrow waist. In the light of the room it almost looked like his tattoos were dancing across his skin. Not just on his chest, neck and hands but also on his thighs and calves. “You´re so darn beautiful” you said with a choked up voice. “Come here” you beckoned him to you with your hands. He came willingly and quickly, pressing his mouth to yours almost in a frenzy. His tongue in your mouth immediately.

The both of you didn’t need much more preparation than gentle words and hands. The moment your legs encased him again and he was in the perfect position, he was fighting with himself not to tell you that he loved you. Loved you with a fury that was unknown to him. Loved you in a way he knew would destroy him if mistreated. He couldn’t. Not yet. In this position it would feel situational. He needed you to know it the moment it came the most natural. But he also knew he couldn’t wait much longer.

When he pushed inside for the first time ever so carefully he almost collapsed on top of you. “Bloody fuckin´ hell” he rasped from behind his teeth as you gasped. “You ok?” he looked at you and saw that your eyes were again almost closed and you nodded. “Yeah,” you mumbled. “I´m fine, Sirius. Please, don´t stop” He smiled down at you and kissed your lips once more. “Whatever my lady wants.”

With these words he moved his hips again. Back and forth, inch by inch he groaned deep from within his chest.

You had trouble breathing by the time he was fully inside you and stopped moving for a moment. Never in your life had anything, anyone felt so good. Shaking fingers grabbed his biceps and squeezed when your eyes met. The blood was rushing in your ears and a light sheen of sweat already adorned both your bodies. “Thank you” you said with all the gentleness you could muster and watched as he pinched his eyebrows momentarily. “What for, darling?” he asked in a strained but curious voice. “For being you and not forcing anything.” You meant every word you said and felt your eyes become wet. Sirius looked at you a little bewildered and then with so much devotion, a tear actually fell down your cheek. He wiped it away and held your face in his hand. “___, I would never, in my life, force you to do anything you don´t want to do or don’t feel absolutely content with. And the thought that you feel the need to thank me for that makes me equal parts furious and worried.” He kissed your forehead. “Whatever it is, you need to tell me to stop and I will. I promise you that. Do you want to stop?”

You shook your head and smiled at him. “Absolutely not. Not for anything in the world.” To make it even more obvious to him and to push the mood into another direction you squeezed around him and watched his eyes roll back for a moment and a long whine escape his lips. “Little minx” he exhaled with a laugh. “Is that how it is?”

You grinned at him and wound your arms around his neck. His hair was tickling the tip of your nose a little as you nodded. “Well then” he growled and pulled out slightly. “Let´s see if you´re still cheeky when I do this.” And with the last word he pushed back in with a quick jab. A loud groan bubbled from your throat as you closed your eyes. “Again” you begged. Sirius listened and started a beautiful rhythm. Pulling out slowly and pushing back in stronger and quicker he soon began breathing heavily. Pressing your fingernails into his neck you felt your body buzzing, your heart pounding and a feeling of electricity crawl all over your skin. One of your hands made its way down over his strained back and covered the flesh of his ass, pushing him closer. “Good Godrick, baby” he moaned. His arms repositioned themselves for better support as his thrusts became quicker over all. “Oh fuck,___” he panted and glided his hand over your chest, lightly flicking your nipple before taking it in his mouth again.

“Ah” you gasped and arched into him almost painfully. “Sirius, yes. Oh hell, yes.” Immediately you felt your stomach tighten and a distinct pull right where his cock moved inside you. “Shit, what…?” you looked down at where you were joined and then back up at him with big eyes. He kissed you again, his tongue tangling with yours. “HmmHmm” he murmured against your lips. “Yes, darling. I can feel it. You feel good?”

“Yes” you panted. “Yes, so good. What´s happening? Oh fuck. Ah!” You heard him chuckle and hiss as you moved your hips with his. “My love” he said into your ear. “You´re about to come. Have you never…?” You shook your head. “Never during. Oh, there. There…Sirius!” He growled in satisfaction. His teeth sank into the soft flesh beneath your ear. The dominant part of him celebrating the fact that no other man had ever managed to do what he could do. Fucking selfish idiots, he thought.

“Right then, my beloved. Hold on tight” he said and you listened. Holding onto his shoulders he grabbed your hips and angled you slightly upwards. Your ass was now flush with his thighs as he began a different rhythm.

Stars exploded behind your eyes as you yelled out and grabbed his hair. The new angle allowed him to sink so deeply within you he almost fell over with the shock that punched through him. Your warmth, voice and scent all around him, he got completely lost in it all. One arm next to you allowed him some kind of leverage as he moved his hips, pushing into you over and over again. Seeing your breasts move in kind made him lose almost all self-control. He couldn’t remember the last time his body felt so hot, slick and his heart pounding with so much force. He was alive. He was alive because of you.

“Fuck, darling. Don’t hold back, don’t you dare. Come on” he begged you with a cracking voice. “S-Sirius…I-“ you hickuped as you blindly but with open eyes grabbed at his skin. “I know, sweetheart. I know. It´s all right, I´m right here. You can let go…oh fuck, yes…let it happen. I-I´ll catch you…argh” he pressed his eyes closed and again bared his teeth as he felt you squeezing him even more ferociously than before.

The pressure you felt deep within swelled and swelled until you had trouble taking in air, your vision of Sirius blurred and suddenly something white and hot crawled up your spine. With his name silent on your lips your back arched once again as the pressure snapped and you silently screamed into the void. An unbelievable feeling of euphoria convulsed through your body and you forgot where you were for a second. You felt your body shake and gentle hands on your side. Through the fog you heard him.

“Fucking perfect, baby. So beautiful. Shh, shh, it´s okey. ´M there too. With you…fuck, fuck, yes!___!” You could feel his thrusts becoming less and less frequent and through your haze you knew what you wanted most of all. With still shaking thighs you tightened them around him to keep him in place. “Please” you panted. “Please…I-In me.”

Your voice reached his ears and the next moment he fell over the edge with a snarl. His hands dug themselves deep into your flesh as the tidal wave of his orgasm nearly pushed him over. “Oh hell, darling. Yes, Yes, Yes…Oh fuck, so warm. Perfect. Argh!!” Hunched over he tried to regain his composure but it was impossible. “Baby” he said weakly as he, still spasming and still inside you, leaned over you and relaxed his body onto yours. You welcomed him with little pecks to his shoulder.

You could both feel the others thundering heart, how your skin slick with sweat felt like, how he steadily went limb inside of you. After what felt like hours Sirius groaned and rolled off of you only to position himself right next to you and pulling you close again. His nose nuzzled your cheek affectionately. You turned your head and looked into his eyes that steadily turned silver again. He reached out and stroked his forefinger over the bridge of your nose, lightly tapping the tip. You leaned in and kissed him long and slow. More content than you´d ever felt in your life. Again, both your hearts screamed the same words as your eyes did the talking.

“You´ve saved my sanity” he eventually whispered. His arms pulling you closer still. You smiled at him and licked your lips. “I can´t be the only one. What about Harry?” Sirius scrunched his nose and answered dryly.

“Can we not talk about my godson while my cum´s dripping out of you?”

“Oh, for fuck sake” you giggled and covered your eyes with your palm while Sirius just snickered.

“You´re right, you´re right” you said and looked at him again. “If I saved your sanity then you definitely saved my happiness.” Sirius leaned over you and kissed you contently.

“Speaking of cum” you said as he growled playfully and pinched your ass. You swatted his chest. “I´ve got to use the loo.” Sirius had a grumpy look on his face for a second before his eyes blitzed. “I think we need a shower, darling, don’t you?” Thinking about it he was of course right. So, you sat up and got up on wobbly legs. Sirius had no other choice than to let his chest swell with pride when he saw it. You leaned down and gave his forehead a kiss. “Give me two minutes alone, then you can come get me.” He grinned and nodded. “You bet your sweet arse I will.” Rolling your eyes a little bit you turned and naked as the day you were born walked over to his bathroom, never having felt so content or comfortable with your own nakedness. You knew because you felt it, Sirius´ eyes were following you until you closed the door.

Five minutes later you stood in Sirius´ arms under the shower. He insisted on washing your body and your hair, gliding his hands over you sensually but not sexually. Whispering sweet things into your ear while the steady stream of water washed over you.

Freshly showered, none of you bothered with clothes as you got into bed. Your thoughts consumed by yet unspoken words you whispered gently to each other until you both fell asleep. Your foreheads touching and legs tangled together, your last view the eye colour of the person you loved.

____________________________________________________________

The next few days were spent in Christmassy bliss. The young wizards were a much needed whirlwind in Sirius´ life and you felt each day just how much he loved having everyone around. That was until it was time for another order meeting and Snape entered the house. It was astounding to you sometimes how quickly Sirius could switch from cheeky and happy to serious and permanently on edge as soon as Snape entered the room. Since your last encounter with him Sirius was very protective of you. Holding you close, spewing acid from his eyes in Snape´s direction.

You felt how with every passing week, the kids had already left for Hogwarts again, he became increasingly tense. He tried not to show it in your presence but he wasn’t the only one you observed this behaviour in. Everyone seemed to grow more worried each day and it kind of scared you. Sirius told you a lot about what they discussed in the meetings but you were sure that he left a lot of it out as to not worry you. These days you cursed being a Muggle more and more. But there was nothing you could do.

And then one night while you slept blissfully in Sirius´ arms, three loud bangs to Sirius´ door let the both of you shoot up from the bed. “Sirius!” It was Remus on the other side of the door. Sirius jumped out of bed and hurried over to the door, ripping it open. Remus looked worried and dishevelled. “Albus is waiting down in the kitchen for us. Get dressed.” His tone was all Sirius needed to not ask unnecessary questions. He grabbed his jeans and an old shirt looking at you. “Come on, love. Get dressed. He didn’t say it was an order meeting.” Nodding quickly you threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. Hurrying silently downstairs into the kitchen the three of you didn’t exchange any words.

In the middle of the kitchen stood Albus Dumbledore. He was surrounded by Tonks, Moody, Arthur and Kingsley. Seeing almost all order members there you stopped immediately. An apology on your lips you felt Sirius gently grasping your arm, his dark gaze on Dumbledore. “What happened?” he demanded.

Albus looked at him directly and spoke. “You will not like what I´m about to ask of you, Sirius.” Sirius´ eyebrows pinched and you felt anger roll off of him. “Whatever will be discussed in the next minutes, you cannot leave Grimmauld place.”

“What. Happened?” Sirius seethed. Albus could see it was lost battle this time. It was like Sirius already knew. Panick flooded your insides and all you could think was that only one person could force Sirius to break his promise to Dumbledore. “It´s Harry and the others. They´ve been deceived and are currently in the department of Mysteries.”

The room felt cold, Sirius´ hand on your arm felt cold and hard. All sound vanished from the world and a ringing started in your ears. Sirius looked paler that he ever had and cold sweat started forming on his neck. “Why would he…?” Sirius began with a voice that you´ve never heard from him before. “Deceived…”

“I don’t know much more than you at this point” Dumbledore addressed the room. “But I´m sure I don’t need to explain that time is of the essence. Alastor” he directed his attention to Moody. He only nodded and squared his shoulders. “Tonks, Lupin, you are with me” he growled. “Kingsley and Arthur will meet up with Charlie at the ministry. Sirius” he growled and looked at the black haired man at your side who was shaking with anger. “You stay here.”

Sirius exploded, letting go of your arm. “What the fuck are you on about?! I´m not staying here while Harry is fighting for his life. You know who´ll probably be there!” His voice boomed through the kitchen. “That´s exactly the reason why you of all people need to stay here. We need level headed people in there!” Moody yelled back. “We can´t have you charging in there with tunnel vision. What do you think will happen when they get to you?! When she gets to you!”

Sirius was pacing and gripping his hair hard. You´ve never seen him so devastated but everything Moody just said made total sense. You could only hope that he´d see it the same way.

“I´ll kill her!” he said. His voice void of all emotion except pure hate. “Sirius” Arthur tried to make him see sense. “We´ll go get them. Stay here, it´s too risky.” You didn’t dare ask Sirius to stay although it was all you wanted in this moment. But it wasn’t your decision to make and not your godson in danger. Though thinking about all these young people that you grew to fond of and how they were in danger made your insides twist and you were sure your face was almost green with nausea.

Sirius looked at the people in front of him like they´d all collectively lost their minds. “Leave!” he bellowed and watched the next second how they all, except for Molly vanished from the kitchen. The silence that followed was deafening and you surely didn’t expect Sirius to actually stay. Molly didn’t seem to be convinced either as she shot him a warning glare. “Sirius” she said carefully but with emphasis. He was pacing again, ignoring her. He came to a stop in front of you and clasped your shoulders harder than he intended. Your head whipped up to him and the sight scared you more than anything.

He wouldn’t stay, you saw it in every line of his face and in every shade of apology and anger in his irises. You knew he would leave, heading head first into a situation that could cost him his life and you couldn’t do anything to convince him not to do it. He stared at you intently, willing you to understand, to forgive him for what he was about to do. Tears gathered in your eyes and he moved his hands to your face. “I…I can´t,___” he croaked with a voice full of regret as you shook your head pleadingly. “Forgive me.” Your knees almost buckled when he pressed his forehead against yours, kissed your lips hard and with another crack, the love for your life was gone. Molly reached you just the moment you screamed out your panic and devastation before your knees gave out and you sank to the ground in her arms.

“M-Molly” you trembled like a leaf as you gasped her name. Her arms around you shook almost as bad as yours when she tried to get you up from the ground. “I know, my sweet. I know. Come on, you need to stand up. You need to be strong now.” Molly´s voice shook and you heard the heaviness of tears in it. She guided your numb body to the table where you sat down and buried your head in your hands, sobbing. What if he didn’t come back. What if none of them came back?

The sound of a kettle in the background seemed so far away and dull as you stared at the spot where Sirius would usually sit. When Molly sat down a cup of tea in front of you, you didn’t even move. “I didn’t even get to tell him” you whispered. Molly followed your gaze to Sirius´ chair. Taking your hand in yours she said “He knows, darlin. He knows.” You shook you head no as more tears streamed down your face. “I didn’t tell him” you said and finally looked at her. Her eyes were swollen red and she looked ages older than she´d ever had. “Sometimes…sometimes words are not needed. Looking at the two of you and what you do for each other, none of us have any doubt that you are in love. So believe me,___. He knows it too.” Pleadingly you looked at her. “But he never heard it from me. What if he doesn’t-“

“Enough, darling!” Molly said suddenly with a fiery look in her eyes. “Enough” she said more gently. “Do not think like that. Please.” Her expression changed again and suddenly you felt like the worst person in the world. “Oh Molly” you breathed and took her hand in his. “I´m sorry, Molly. I didn’t think…your children. Arthur” Molly nodded and held your hand tighter. “You´re fine, sweetheart. I knew that this was a possibility but….when it actually comes…” Her eyes filled with tears again and you quickly wound your arms around her neck. You both cried in each other’s neck for a little while until Molly patted your back and leaned back. Taking your face in her hands she looked you deep in the eyes.

“If you truly love him and want to stay with him, it is time you get used to the possibility of this happening again. He´s a stubborn man and Harry´s the only family he has. Maybe that changed with you. But only so much. He loves that boy like a son and he will run to him whatever happens.” You nodded your head and took several deep breaths. “This is, after all…war.” Molly said calmly.

The hours trickled by so slowly, you were almost ready for your straight jacket. Pain and blinding worry was all you felt while sitting in the kitchen. One horrifying scenario running through your mind after another. Harry dead. Sirius dead. The Weasleys…dead.

Crack!

Yours and Molly´s heads snapped up and Molly let out a wail, staggering across the room and landing in her families arms. “Oh thank fuck!” You whispered and cried when you saw Ron, Ginny and Arthur all in a bundle of limbs with Molly. Behind them appeared Tonks and Remus. With shaking legs you tried to stand up and run to them but Tonks was quicker. She rounded the table with a haunted look in her eyes and hugged you before you could stand. Overwhelmed you clung to her.

“S-Sirius?” you gasped. “Harry?” With panicked eyes you tried to read her face. A moment later came your liberation.

Another crack almost drowned out a booming voice. “___! Where is she?!___!!”

He was there. Standing in the kitchen, his arm around a pale and shaking fifteen year old. Everything seemed to slow down as you felt an overpowering sense of relief. You watched as Sirius looked around the kitchen with desperate eyes while Molly took Harry from him and pulled him into her arms. When his silver eyes made contact with yours, you almost lost consciousness.

He staggered forward the same moment Tonks helped you to your feet. You swayed for a moment and reached out your arms. Before his palms could make contact with your face, he took a desperate breath and  whisper-yelled “I love you!”

His lips slammed onto yours not even a second later and everything was drowned out. The only thing that mattered was his kiss, his presence, his warmth and his hands, touching every part of your face and neck as he kissed you stupid.

“I love you” he said again as he came up for air and slammed right back in. You felt your feet leave the ground as he hugged you around the waist and leaned back slightly. You cried. You cried and kissed him and clung to him like your life depended on it and somewhat that was the truth.

He sat you back down and covered your face and neck with kisses which gave you the momentum to take deep breaths and control your sobbing. It only lasted for a moment before you buried your face in his neck and began hiccupping. His hand stroked over your hair as he slowly rocked you from side to side. “It´s okey” you heard him say. “It´s okey my darling. I´m here. I´m so sorry, dove. I´m so fucking sorry.” You lifted your tear streaked face to look him in the eye and without hesitation answered.

“I love you.”

Tears fell from his eyes as your words penetrated his mind. “I love you with a force beyond measure, Sirius. I love you.” A strangled breath escaped him with a sob as he held you against him in a powerful hug. Only now you realised how badly he was trembling. Holding him as securely as your own limbs would allow you, you looked over his shoulder to search for Harry. You found him still in Molly´s arms. His black hair leaned against her shoulder, his own tense and unmoving. “Harry…” you weakly said into Sirius´ ear and slowly he came up from your neck. Still not letting you go he pressed you to his chest and kissed your temple.

“We´re fine, more or less. Somehow…” You didn’t prod further. This was not the time. All of them had been through an ordeal beyond anything your imagination would be able to conjure up. The only thing that was left was marvel in the fact that everyone was breathing. What exactly happened…it had time. “My sweet” Sirius whispered into your ear and you looked at him. One of his thumbs came up and stroked the apple of your cheek and his mouth twitched into a momentary smile. “You´re everything I´ve ever wanted and more than I deserve. I will make up for what I´ve put you through. I swear it. I love you so, so fucking much!”

You nodded with a weak sigh. “I love you too, Sirius” you said. “There´s nothing to make up for. Harry was in danger. Thank you for saving him.” You lay a featherlight kiss to his lips as you said it. Sirius exhaled through his nose heavily and very reluctantly loosened his death grip on you. “How are the others?” you asked him worriedly. “A few injuries here and there. Could have been much worse. We were incredibly lucky. If Albus hadn´t been there…” His voice broke and a haunted look befell his eyes as he stared ahead. “I saw him…Voldemort. He was right there…trying to get to Harry.” You inhaled sharply and suddenly knew just what kind of a miracle it was that the both of them were still alive. Your knuckles turned white as you clasped onto him.

“Where´s Albus now?” you asked quietly. The older wizard was nowhere to be seen.

“Straightening things out with the minister and…a few other things. I´d like to see Fudge deny Voldemort´s return now. Thank fuck I was still able to transform before that buffoon of a minister could see me.” Sirius again nuzzled your hair with his nose and took a deep breath. “Enough with the questions now” he breathed gently. “I just want to be in your arms.” You nodded. “Yeah.”

You spent the rest of the night with Sirius and Harry in the library. None of you able to sleep, talking about nothing and everything. In the early morning hours, Albus came to take Harry back to Hogwarts. You wanted to protest but suddenly Harry was in front of you and hugged you close. “I´ll be fine” he said. “Professor Dumbledore is at Hogwarts. My friends are at Hogwarts” he let go and looked at you with a serious face. “Please take care of Sirius.” Smiling at him you nodded. “Of course. Please look after yourself Harry and if you ever need anything-“ you stopped for a second as Sirius appeared next to you, an arm around your waist. “Let us know immediately.” The both of you looked at Harry with gentle seriousness and the young wizard suddenly had a very significant sheen in his eyes and nodded. “I will” he promised before he stepped forward and hugged the both of you one last time.

The house was quiet once again. Every person, hopefully, was where they were supposed to be. You knew you were. Looking up at Sirius you didn’t quite know what to say to him. It appeared neither did he. So he just took your hand in his, guided you back to his bedroom and for the next several hours made sure that your voice was giving out, your body was littered with bite- and lovemarks and you weren´t able to stand or walk for a while. He´d just finished cleaning you up for the third time as his tired body plopped down next to you and he pulled you onto his chest.

“When all of this is over,” he said and kissed your forehead. “And I promise you some day it will be… Let´s leave. Let´s build a small home somewhere else. Somewhere by a lake. Or the sea.” You nodded as you caressed his chest and arm. “I´d love nothing more.” You felt him take in a deep breath as if to steel himself before he continued. “And…when that day comes…I promise I´ll ask you to marry me.”

Your heart seized its beating. Slowly you lifted your head to look at him. His expression was sincere, true and without doubt. “If you want me to” he whispered. Reaching out you took a strand of his slightly greying hair and lifted to your lips. Looking him deep in the eyes you answered.

“Sirius Orion Black. When that day comes and you ask me to be your wife, know that my answer will always be yes.”

_____________________________________________________________

Thank you so much for reading. Please leave a comment or like if you enjoyed it. Reblogs are also very welcome.

I am debating a bonus chapter (years later) if the general interesst is there, so let me know ;) <3

@twilightlover2007

@charidotesmelotes

@thinking-bucky

@clockworkherondale

[firsttimewriter92]

Hello! I'd love to request a fic with the reader being Sirius's wife after they're at Hogwarts but before Lily and James' deaths, shortly after they get the news about the Longbottoms being tortured. The reader wants to have sex but Sirius initially hesitates because his wife clearly is trying to distract them from the news (doesn't have to be graphic smut!) Thanks!

Hi there, anon :) Thank you for the ask. I´ve been in a writing slump lately because I get into my own way, making everything to complicated, too detailed. But this seemed like something I could do and it was lots of fun! :D It brought me back to my lovely Sirius. Maybe now I can finally finish my series "Everything Black".

It doesn´t get too steamy but there are some dirty passages, I hope you like it. Otherwise it´s pure fluff and angst. Thanks again and I kope you all enjoy <3

Title:

It hurts to look at you

words: 2.303

The moment the door closed behind Dumbledor´s swaying robes and a deafening silence covered the small kitchen in Godrics Hollow, two women and four men dissolved into either horrified sobs or heavy breathing, trying to control their own shock to the news.

Lilies flaming red hair covered one side of her face that was pressed into James´ neck. Little whispers of “No, no. Why them?” left her lips. James eyes were dull and unseeing as he stared at the bottle of elderflower wine on the table. One arm wrapped around his wife, his other hand covering the back of her head.

On the other side of the room, Peter sat on the table, covering his quivering lips with one hand. He was paler than usual and his knee had not stopped bobbing since Dumbledore brought the news of Franks´ and Alice´s horrific fate. He looked like the man standing behind him felt. Remus knew how to hide his emotions but this time he couldn’t quite manage. With wet eyes he held the look of one of his best friends across from him.

Holding you in his lap Sirius looked at Remus over your shoulder while you sobbed. His grey eyes reflected less sorrow than shock and all-consuming hatred. Of course he mourned the fate of his friends, the single tear that ran down his cheek proof enough. But it wasn´t enough to drown out the red hot edges that covered his vision. It wasn’t enough to stop whishing for another name, other relatives. He felt guilty. Guilty for sharing the blood with the person responsible for yet another tragedy. Yet another destroyed family, yet another two lives lost and so many more scarred.

He wrapped his arms closer around your waist and kissed your neck lovingly, trying to calm you down. You where whimpering right next to his ear, fear shaking your entire body while you clung to him like a life line. Again hate flared inside of him. How dare they!? How dare they inflict so much pain and strike terror into the one living being that made it all worth it for him?! He fought for many a reason these days. Most of them were present right now but you were his damn wife. His reason to breath and keep moving. The two of you had gotten married right after Lilly and James although you hadn’t been together for as long as they had.

Time and circumstance however made people fall in love quicker, more madly and desperately. That´s how it was for Sirius and you. You´d only gotten to know him in you last year at Hogwarts. For so long you had tried to avoid the boisterous teenager until he began noticing you. First, every time your house played Gryffindor and you hit a blutcher in his direction. He´d avoid them mostly, grinning at you wolfishly. Then he started noticing you in the hallway which you found incredibly annoying. He just couldn’t walk past you without some kind of comment. “Don´t swing at me, (y/l/n) we´re not on the pitch” “Hey,___ do you like sweets? There are some in our common room”.

One day he walked up to you, arms stretched out to the side as he proclaimed right smack in the middle of the courtyard “(Y/l/n), you are like the stars in the night sky, guiding me towards a brighter future!” You knew of course that he was fucking with you so you just turned to him and with an obvious fake smile, sweet as honey you said, “Sirius, my love. You are like the sun to me.” He looked shocked for a second, his grey eyes widening. “Hurts to look at ya.”

Sirius couldn’t remember the last time he´d laughed so hard. It was the moment he knew you were something special to him. He didn’t quite know that he´d fall arse over broomstick for you yet though. That happened later, in the order, under darker circumstances. Still, the gentle fondness he felt for you changed into a burning passion whenever he saw the bravery you showed despite your anxious demeanour. More than once he´d consoled your shaking form with a glass of fire whiskey the moment you got the message that everyone was safe at the end of the day. Seeing you battle through that and still be hilariously dry-humoured, incredibly kind and quite frankly a rock to him, his protective instincts kicked him the last bit of the way until he almost couldn’t stand not being in your presence.

And then one evening, he´d just come back from a mission that took way longer than it should have. He´d entered the Potters living room, heart beating out of his chest, worried about you. Within a second your body had slammed into his and without thinking twice about it he´d lifted your head with both palms and kissed you feverishly. And that was it. Eight months later you´d gotten married.

____________________________________

You lifted your head off of his shoulder and worriedly he looked up at you, both his hands stroking back your hair. Your eyes were bloodshot and puffy as you whispered with a raw voice. “Why?” Sirius had no answer and he hated himself for it. He shook his head slowly and stroked your cheeks. “I don’t know, my darling. I don’t know.” “They…They´re gone. Frank….Alice. Both…Oh Merlin, why like this!!??” Your forehead landed on his as fresh tears fell from your eyes and onto his skin. Sirius breathed heavily, stroking your sides slowly and soothingly.

“What…what happens to Neville now?” you heard Lilly ask. “He´s only a day older than Harry!” Again she started crying while James answered her. “I´m sure Frank´s mother has him now. He´s in good hands, Lils. Please don´t worry.”

“There´s going to be a hunt” Remus´ voice floated through the room. Everyone looked at him while trying to gather themselves again. “You´re right” Lilly said and wiped at her wet cheeks. The stoic look coming back into her eyes. “You´re right. There´s nothing…” she swallowed. “There´s nothing we can do for Frank or Alice anymore. What we can do, is go after… them.”

You admired Lilly for her rationality. She was right of course. You needed to snap out of it. There was work to be done. “But not tonight” Lilly said. “We need tonight for…” she lost her words and looked at her husband. Everyone got the hint and stood. Hugging your friends closer that usual you left the Potter´s house and stood outside for another moment. Sirius turned to Remus.

“You wanna crash on our couch again, mate? You´re welcome to” Sirius looked sternly at Remus, though he already knew what the answer would be. Remus gave a tight lipped smile, took a deep breath and shook his head. “Sorry, Pads. Not tonight. I´ll go see….my parents. I think.” Sirius nodded shortly and hugged his friend again. He whispered something you couldn’t make out to him and let go. Remus´ smile seemed more genuine this time around as he waved at you and disapparated.

“He´s not going to see his parents, is he?” you asked quietly and took Sirius´ hand. He was still staring at the spot were Remus disappeared. He sighed and shook his head. “He writes them occasionally but…it´s been ages since he saw them.” He squeezed your hand tightly. “He´s already on the hunt.”

Sirius looked down at you with a solemn look. “Let´s go home, yeah?” You nodded and braced yourself for disapparating.

Your feet hit the ground in front of your small flat. Without many words, Sirius and you got changed and ready for bed. You felt emotionally drained and yet, something inside you was boiling over. So after not being able to fall asleep, even with Sirius´ strong arms wrapped around you from behind you slightly stirred. “Sirius?” you whispered into the dark. “Hmm? What is it, my love?” he immediately answered. A small smile tucked at your lips. Huddling closer to him you kissed his forearm that was resting close to your face. “I love you more than words can say” you simply stated. You felt his chest stop moving for a second before you felt his lips on your shoulder. They moved slowly and gently over it and over your neck to your ear. Goosebumps erupted all over your body, heat creeping from your center up to your belly.

“You are my everything” Sirius´ deep voice penetrated your ear, vibrating through your every vein. “Love is not a strong enough word to describe what I feel for you, what you are to me, my darling.” Again you felt your eyes water. “I know, dove. You´re scared. I know” he whispered with a slight choked up voice. “We´re doing the right thing and it´s scary. Whatever happens, my love, please know that I´ll always be with you.”

“Please don’t talk like that” you whimpered and the tears fell silently. “It needs to be said,___. I´m sorry but please listen to me.” He kissed the shell of your ear. “Tomorrow is not promised. But as long as I have your love, I´ll fight until my last breath to return to you. Every day.”

You turned in his arms as quickly as you could and smashed your lips to his desperately. His arms pulled you in immediately. The kiss was not gentle or slow. Pure desperation guiding you in the way you grabbed at his ink black, luscious hair or how your tongue glided over his quicker than usual.

Sirius didn’t mind at all. He knew that you needed this right now and he would be damned not to give you anything you so desperately needed. He did worry a little bit though. His fingers dug into your side to try and slow you down just a little bit. That proved to be rather difficult though as you just decided to slightly bite his bottom lip. He always went feral whenever you did that and right now his head was swimming with desire. He felt your leg moving right between his and with a grunt he felt your knee slightly bump his erection.

“Want you, Sirius” you panted against his lips. “Want you so much.” Your lips descended onto his throat as you climbed on top of him. And so, with a long and strained groan Sirius grabbed your hips in a vice like grip. “Hold on. Stop, darling” he whispered desperately. You didn’t react and started to grind onto him. “Shit! Dove, please. It´s not…stop. Stop, stop, stop.” He didn’t sound angry but worried as his voice got louder until you finally registered what he´d asked of you.

Pure fire was rushing through your veins and through a thick cloud of pent up lust you tried to focus on his face. His beautiful features shone through the haze as you zeroed in on his pale grey eyes. Your chest heaving you looked at him bewildered.

“What is it?” you asked cautiously. “Little dove, you know I´d never say no to being inside you and absolutely rock your shit but…We both know…we´re not in the right headspace right now. We just lost two dear friends and we´re scared.” Your stomach dropped dangerously low and a little bit of shame overcame you quickly. Still laying on his chest you lay your head right above his heart while he stroked your back soothingly. “Just let me hold you for tonight, my love. Let me tell you how precious you are, how much you mean to me. Let my words lull you to sleep, where I want you to be at peace. Knowing that I´ll have your back always. That I´ll be here. And in the morning when you wake up, I´ll make sure my name is the only thing you´ll be able to mutter.” Nodding, sniffling but grinning into his Tshirt you got comfortable at his side again, your ear never leaving the steady rhythm of his heart.

As promised, he whispered sweet, sweet nothings into your ear until your body grew heavy.

You didn’t even make it until the first rays of sunshine before Sirius appeared above you with pure fire in his eyes. No words needed to be spoken, you knew that look way too intensely. And so he made good on his promise as he sank into your warm and wet heat and made you whimper and sigh his name as he nibbled on your neck. His hips moving sensually and powerfully. The feeling of slick skin on skin, his scent enveloping you and words of pure love being exchanged, the both of you moved in tandem, bringing you closer and closer to the sweet relief you needed.

“Cum for me, darling. Please, my perfect girl. Hggnn, I´m right there...with you” he whispered as his eyes bore into yours. As his hips sped up and his lips closed carefully around your nipple, you gripped him hard as the blinding, hot white feeling made you arch your back and cling to him for dear life. His name yelled into the darkness, he bit down on your neck hard and muffled his own grunts and sighs. Before long, Sirius was laying on top of you, breathing as heavily as you, kissing the spot he bit, licking it a little and just marvelling in the feeling of having you in this way.

“I´ll always love you, Sirius. With every fibre of my being, I am yours” you whispered. You heard his satisfied sigh as his canines scraped against the underside of your jaw. He lifted his head to look you in the eyes. Stroking your face gently he said “Wherever I am, whatever happens to me. Know that you are my saving grace. I am yours before anything.” He kissed you slowly. “I´ll be with you always.”

________________________________________________________

I hope you all enjoyed this little fic, thank you for reading <3 As always I appreciate every like, reblog or comment. In order to get better in my writing though, I absolutely love getting comments or reblogs that let me know what you liked or disliked ;) Only this way I can make my writing better or more inclusive.

Thank you very much again and have a lovely day :)

[firsttimewriter92]

New CoD- fic announcement

Hello, hello, my loves. I need your help with something. I have this idea for a new fic and for the life of me can´t decide which character I want to use. It´s gonna be a x f!reader.

Could you please read the idea and just vote for the one character you see in the fic? Thank you my darlings <3

Idea:

As the daughter of a high ranking military official you´ve been kidnapped and a task force is sent out to rescue you. When they succeed, their transportation is destroyed which means you and them have to get to a certain evac-point on foot. Along the way you realise that "character" is behaving a bit odd.

You catch him looking at you with soft eyes, always making sure he´s awake when you sleep, when you walk up a narrow path, he´s behind you, when you walk down, he´s in front and when he all but hears you begin to struggle (You don´t have the same stamina as them) he immediately calls for a break. It makes you feel bad that you can´t keep up with them and your rescue becomes an odyssey.

"Character" is clearly a bit confused about this reactions towards you, as though he´s trying really hard to see you as just work. He seems to try and fight whatever he´s feeling but slowly fails.

Although you´ve become absolutely smitten with him you know, once you´re safe and sound, you probably won´t see each other ever again.

He knows it too and feels his stubborn heart breaking again and again with each day you´re getting closer to safety.

If you have any ideas or prompts even for this fic, comment or send them my way and I´ll try to incorporate them! <3

[firsttimewriter92]

Heyo! I’ve requested this to a couple different writers just to see the way it differs and so far Im still waiting for them to respond, which is fine, but I was hoping I could at least request it to you as well :)

I have ADHD and other mental conditions and stuff and was wondering, if it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, that you could do the 141 + Konig where the reader (female) had ADHD and was super energetic and talkative the entire day and the boys were just stressed out from the long day or a bad mission and had said something hurtful to the reader, which caused them to either try and suppress their ADHD ticks or just talk less and become less energetic and social.

I’m a sucker for angst cuz I’m sad and lonely lol 🥹. If you could please do this or at least think about it that would be amazing, thanks 🫶🫶

Hello, my love. I LOVED your ask and gave it a shot. I hope you´ll forgive me that I only came up with something for Ghost, Price and König so far. Maybe I´ll do another part with Gaz and Soap.

As I don´t have ADHD or know anyone who does, I really hope I catured what it´s like as best as possible. Please let me know if there´s something wrong. Please enjoy and don´t feel lonely! There´s a whole community for CoD out there who welcome you with open arms! <3

Warnings: angst, panic, yelling, cursing, fluff, hurt/comfort

Words: 3.001

Ghost

You were just putting away the dishes from your dinner when you heard the front door open. Your heart lurched into your throat knowing who just came home. You bolted around the corner and there he was. The hulking figure of your boyfriend Simon. His frame took over most of the space of the short hallway as he moved to take off his jacket. You knew he needed a little time to adjust before he would be able to give you attention so you waited, though still hopping from one excited foot to the other quickly. Grinning wildly and lightly giggling.   

You heard a long sigh coming from Simon and your heart sank a little. It must have been a draining mission. He lifted his head and his dark eyes looked at you wearily. You stopped hopping immediately and a cold, cold shiver ran over your back. You saw the haunted look in your boyfriends eyes and you didn’t know how to help him best right now. Then, to really spike your panic, you saw Simon shake his head and move backwards to the door. “I can´t deal with this tonight” was all he murmured before he turned and left your shared apartment, leaving you standing there with the most horrible feeling in your stomach.

Simon was at a loss. He was sitting in a quiet corner of his favourite Pub, sulking into his pint. The last mission almost cost him every single one of his team members. Johnny was still in hospital. He just couldn’t deal with bubbly, happy or hyper right now. At least that´s what he thought. His fist clenched around the glass when he tried to suppress his self-loathing. Wasn’t your talkative person and happy nature exactly what had enticed him in the first place? What was he doing? Instead of listening to you ramble about your day, about the newest plant you got or how much you enjoyed cooking this new dish, effectively draining all the bad thoughts from his mind, he was sitting alone in a Pub, still thinking about the horrors of the last couple of weeks.

He knew all you´d wanted to do a couple of hours ago was envelop him into your arms and making him feel home. A huge gash opened in his chest. Growling at himself he stood and left the Pub. He had to see you right now.

In your apartment you sat on the couch, trying to read one of your favourite books and not feel rejected by the one you loved. You really tried to understand why he left. Why he left you with these words hanging in the air. Where you really too much? You were just excited. Was that too much as well? You felt your eyes sting. The front door opened and your heart plummeted into your stomach.

He needed space, so you stayed seated and decided you wouldn’t bother him with your presence until he really wanted it. At the door, Simon waited for your hurried footsteps, craving your hug more than anything. But nothing came. No footsteps, no happy squeal, nothing. He knew he´d fucked up big time then.

As he walked into the living room and saw you sitting on the couch, his heart squeezed painfully when you wouldn’t look at him. He heard you sniffle and immediately went over to you. “I´m sorry, dove. I´m so, so sorry” he whispered when he sat down and immediately pulled your whimpering form onto his lap. You held onto his shirt and marvelled in his scent and warm, firm chest. Simon buried his head into your hair and still continued to apologise. “I stepped over the line when I said what I said, my love. I can deal with it! I need your bubbly self, especially now. I´m so sorry.” His big arms caged you in and slowly you came down. Warmth and love melted into your veins again as you spoke.

“If you need more space from me when you come back, just let me know before you come home. So I´m not a bother.” You heard a desperate sound crawling up his throat when he repositioned you to look into your eyes. His big hands were framing your face when he said in a choked up voice “No. No, don’t ever hide who you are from me. I´m the one who needs to work on this. You did nothing wrong.” He sighed. “I thought I couldn’t deal with it but the truth is, it made everything much worse. I need your adorable rambling when I come back so I don’t have to think about what happened. It just took me a while to realise and I´m incredibly sorry. I´ll do better, I promise. I love you.” You shook your head and lovingly stroked his face. “Just let me know exactly what you need and I´ll adjust. Just don’t push me away like that. I love you just as much.” He kissed your fingertips, your nose, your forehead and finally your lips. “Never again, love. I promise.” You smiled against his lips and kissed them again.

Cuddling on the couch for several minutes he could feel the words stuck on your tongue just dying to come out. “What is it?” he asked with a grin. You grinned back just as wide. “I bought a new plant” you said with a giggle. Simon sighed happily and nodded his head. “Of course you did” he said lovingly. “Go on then, show me.”

Price

John had been home for about three days now and was still on edge. He really tried not to let it show or not make you worried about him. He still had a lot of paperwork to fill out and visits to the base. You wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible so you decided to really scrub down the flat.

You were really proud of yourself when you finally came to the last room, John´s office. It smelled of leather, John and faint cigar smoke. Smiling fondly you looked at the clean and organised desk. John´s things always had a designated place to be, at least on his desk. Smiling giddily you took a picture frame into your hands. It showed John and you at one of Gaz´s barbeques. John had a beer bottle in hand, red cheeks and smiling so wide, his eyes were completely closed. The picture was made just as you´d jumped onto his back clumsily, almost making him fall. You were perched on his back, your arms thrown around his shoulders. John was leaning forward slightly but already had one hand securely and possessively on your thigh, holding you to him. At this very moment you felt so incredibly lucky to have met him.

John came back later that evening, just as you started preparing dinner. He looked exhausted and a little annoyed as he entered the kitchen and living space, smiling at you shortly and kissing your forehead. You hummed sweetly. “I cleaned the whole apartment today” you said grinning. John raised an eyebrow and looked around. His lips twitched. “You did good, love. Everything´s so orderly.” You knew how much he loved it when the lovely chaos you preferred living in was a little more controlled. You giggled and kissed his cheek. “Get washed up, dinner will be ready soon.” He gave you a grateful smile and nodded, leaving the kitchen.

Several minutes later you heard heavy footsteps stomping down the hallway. Curious you looked at the door just as John walked in. His shoulders were tense and his blue eyes blitzed dangerously and annoyed. “Did you clean my office as well?” he asked quickly, crossing his arms over his chest. You blinked. “Yes, why?” you asked. He shook his head and huffed. “Then I´m sure you can tell me where the bloody hell my work phone is!” You took a short step back when you heard him raise his voice that way. Slight panic settled into your chest. “Uhm” you said and tried to think if you saw his phone. “I´m not sure if…” “You´re not sure? Ok. I´m sure,___. It was on my desk when I left. You know how important that thing is? Where did you put it?” Your head was reeling when you really tried to think if you removed the phone from his desk. “I-I don’t remember” you said breathlessly. John groaned.

“You know, what good is it that you finally clean up your clutter if you remove the things that I actually need?”

Immediately after he closed his mouth he saw you fall into yourself. Your shoulders sagged, your whole face showed panic and bewilderment. Worst of all however was the moment he saw all the light vanish from your eyes. He knew instantly he made a huge mistake. Yes, he was annoyed, but it wasn’t like the phone was gone forever. The both of you just had to find it. When you turned around he knew you didn’t want him to see you like that. He felt terrible. You´d put up with his demeanour for the last couple of days and the first inconvenience made him explode like that. He heard you sniffle.

“___” he said in a small voice, walking over to you. “___, love, I´m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to say. It´s just a phone. We´ll find it.” He saw you nod but you didn’t turn around. “Baby” he tried again. This time you did turn around and his heart almost gave out. Your eyes were brimming with tears but they looked at him with no emotion at all. Your mouth was a straight line and your jaw was set. “You know I have trouble remembering things. You know that keeping up with one task at the time is basically impossible for me.” He nodded and hung his head. “I know” he said slowly. You huffed. “I´m sorry. I´ll find your phone as soon as dinner is ready.”

John shook his head, walked over and turned off the stove. You looked at him curiously. He grabbed your hand and led you over to the sofa. He urged you to sit down and the moment you did, he knelt on the floor in front of you and touched his forehead to your knees. He breathed you in for several moments before lifting his head. “I really should learn how to prioritise things better. I know how to keep everything orderly and all that but…now it´s not only me and my job. Now it´s also you and me. I sometimes forget about that, my love and I am sorry.”

You looked down at him and felt your anger, embarrassment and shame slowly fade. You nodded weakly. “My sweet girl” he whispered and held you face in his palms. “I really appreciate that you did this. That you put up with me as well. I know I haven’t been very communicative with you.” You lightly shrugged and he shook his head. “You can´t just let me get away with these things, my love. Please. I know it´s hard for you, but you can hold me accountable for what I´m doing or saying.”

“Okey” you said and breathed in deep. “You´re right. What you said was absolutely uncalled for. It hurt and embarrassed me. I´m not proud of the way I let things go sometimes. It takes an immense amount of effort to even come to the point of wanting to organise and clean stuff.” John stroked his thumbs lovingly over your cheeks. “And I´m sorry about your phone, John. I promise, I´ll help you find it.” He sighed deeply and pulled your head towards him. Hesitating for a moment to see your reaction, you smiled at him and leaned down more to kiss him. A relieved breath escaped his nose when he kissed you back right away. You detached from him again and with pure joy he saw the light back in your eyes.

“Let´s have dinner and then we´ll look for your phone, yeah?” you asked. He nodded immediately and helped you stand again. He pulled you close by the waist and peppered your face with little kisses until you giggled and tried to wriggle out of his hold.

“Can I help?” he asked. You nodded and gestured towards the fridge. “Could you please get the meatballs out?” John nodded and opened the fridge. Stunned, he stood in front of it for a bit too long. You looked over to him questioningly. “John? What is it? The meatballs are right there.”

He nodded slowly and then his shoulders started to shake with laughter. “What?” you asked perplexed.

John, still giggling, closed the fridge with the platter of meatballs in one hand and his work phone in the other. Your eyes went round and a blush crept up your neck and up to your cheeks. “Oh, Jesus…”

Both of you started laughing again and John went over to you and held you in his strong arms until you both stopped, short of breath. He leaned his head against yours and very softly said “I love you so much.”

König

Laughing hysterically at one of Soap´s jokes you clutched König´s arm next to you and buried your head in his shoulder. The latest mission was over and the 141 decided to wind down at one of the local pubs. König had asked you to join them and shortly after you walked into the pub and jumped into your lovers arms without hesitation. He lifted you up and swung you from side to side before holding your face gently and kissing you long and hard. The whoops and hollers from Gaz and Johnny were ignored by the two of you. You were just happy to be with each other again.

Your happiness bubbled through every pore in your body, the alcohol in your system making you relaxed and buzzing. You´d bantered with Soap the whole evening. The music and over all volume of the pub forced you to raise your voice once in a while. No one seemed to care though.

With a light kiss to König´s cheek you excused yourself to the bathroom and stumbled over to the little door. König watched your with fond eyes, his heart swelling by the minute. Soaps elbow connecting with his ribs and he gave him a sly wink. “So, when´re you goin´ to ask the lass ta marry your arse?” he asked. König´s face lit up immediately. He grinned shily. “I do have the ring already but…I´m really not sure when I should ask.” Johnny nodded. “Best not wait too long my friend” he said wisely. “Yer not the only one noticin´ her. She surely knows how to present herself.” He winked at König.

König´s eyes had a soft look in them. “Yeah, I know.” He said and sighed deeply. “She´s a LOT!”

Just as he said it, he felt your presence next to him and smiled up at you. Said smile vanished immediately when he saw the hurt on your face. He was a bit bewildered as to why you looked at him like her whole world just collapsed. Without saying anything you turned around and stormed towards the doors. “___!” he yelled and scrambled from his seat in the booth going after you.

Outside he looked left and right quickly and spotted you walking briskly away from the venue to his right. He started running and thanks to his long legs it didn’t take him much time to catch up with you. The moment he reached out for your arm and you whipped around shaking it off, his heart broke into a million pieces. Tears were streaming down your face and deep, deep hurt was still edged onto your features. “Liebling, what-?” “I´m a lot, huh? König, do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? You making fun of me in front of our friends?” You hiccupped and wiped your face with your sleeve.

König´s heart began to hammer in his chest. “Making fun of you? I didn´t. How could I make fun of you?” He started hyperventilating a little when you flinched away from his touch yet again. “What´d I do?” he asked in a panicked voice.  You huffed disbelievingly. “You said I was a lot to handle, König. That´s so…rude. You know I can´t control how loud I am sometimes.” König´s eyes went wide.

“A lot to handle….” He whispered desperately. “No. No, Liebling, that´s not what I meant at all!” You gave him a questioning look. “I´d never say something like that about you.”

“Then what did you mean? König, saying someone is a lot, is quite-“

“A lot of perfect!! You´re…you´re perfect” he almost yelled at you, desperate to bring his point across. “I sometimes don’t really know the words to express what I´m trying to say but, mein Schatz….I´d never willingly hurt you or try to put you down like that.”

A feeling of shame overcame you. Here was this wonderful, soft man just trying to get through the day as best he can. You should´ve considered that English wasn’t his first language.

“König” you said breathily and reached out your hand which he immediately took. “I´m sorry. I should´ve talked to you first but…you know, being a bother or too much….it´s just one of the things that make me very insecure.” König lifted your hand to his lips immediately and you could have cried again by the way he so gently kissed your knuckles.

“You´re not too loud, or too talkative, or too forward. You´re too much…you! Sometimes I don´t know how to tell people that I would literally kill for you. That I would do anything to make you happy!”

Your arms wined themselves around his neck as you pulled him down for a passionate kiss. “I love you, König” you said against his mouth. “I´m sorry I stormed out like that.” He shook his head and brushed his nose with yours. “I love you too, my love. So much.” You grinned and hugged him again, having to stand on your tiptoes to do so. He pressed another kiss to your forehead. “Will you come back inside? The evening is still young” he asked. You nodded immediately and took his large hand in yours.

König´s heart raced and he knew exactly what to do to erase every single doubt from your mind. As he guided you back to the pub, his other hand that wasn´t holding yours gently thumbed at the locket around his neck, containing the ring he wanted to give you since day one.

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Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know in the comments what you think about this take. A like and reblog is of course always appreciated <3

Love you and stay safe!

[firsttimewriter92]

My haven could be you - Part 2

Joel Miller x f!reader (18+) - Part 1 , Part 3

Summary: Joel doesn´t really know how to approach you but an opportunity presents itself in the form of a very unwelcome man

Word count: 8.250

Warnings: angst, creep, phisical fight, injuries, flirting, pining, feelings, hidden desire, dirty talk, PinV intercourse, rough, cursing, MINORS DNI!!!

Authors note: Here it is :) The highly requested Part 2. It´s gettin´ steamy my loves. Hold onto your panties! Not proveread yet

Giddily you stood in front of your mirror in the corner of your living room, admiring the beautiful pale green dress that Lauren fitted for you. The material was flowing around your legs, your waist comfortably embedded in various strings of golden and green stripes of fabric. Your chest was accentuated in a way you hadn’t seen in years and it made you feel incredible. You couldn’t remember the last time you tried to look good or even sexy. Naked had been your usual sexy if you wanted it. And it always worked. But that wasn’t an option for today of course.

Maria wanted a celebration and asked everyone to just let go for one evening and to dress up as best as they could. You turned again and grinned wildly as you captured your reflection in the mirror. You felt giddy and excited. Tonight was the night you wanted to not think about anything more than just having a good time. If that involved Joel or better yet, his hands and mouth, then you´d gladly fall into it. Hopefully he´d be there, though you had a feeling that either Tommy or Ellie would drag him to the barn by the ears if he tried to stay home.

Your hair was shiny and perfectly framed your face the last time you took a look in the mirror. Smiling to yourself you threw on your jacket and hurried down the steps. The sun was just setting but the air was still slightly warm with the first powerful rays of sunshine. Many other people were on the way to the barn and a bubbly, light atmosphere lay itself over Jackson like a comfortable blanket. The air smelled of bonfires, flowers and meat that was grilling in the barn´s kitchen.

As you entered the venue a trembling breath of awe escaped you. Fairy lights and colourful lightbulbs illuminated the wooden walls. A delicious smell hung in the warm, thick air as you walked further inside, greeting people left and right, kissing Lauren on the cheek when you passed her. Her eyes were round and she squealed in delight as she looked you up and down. She patted your cheek affectionately. “My dear, you look fabulous. It´s exactly as I´d hoped it would look on you. Oh, sweet child. I hope you have the time of your life tonight. God knows we could all use an evening like this.” You smiled at her. “Thank you so much, Lauren. I´m absolutely in love with it. You outdid yourself. Please, enjoy the evening.”

Rock music was coming from the old Jukebox as you conversed with Michael and Jenna behind the bar. The young couple was your age and close to being first time parents. You really liked them. “Oh, no. ___, don’t look up but Levi is coming over” Michael said and rolled his eyes. Your stomach sank. Levi came to Jackson about six months after you did and for some reason would just not get the hint that you weren’t interested. There were not many singles in Jackson, especially around the same age but Levi…Levi was much younger than you and that was just something you couldn’t ignore. Mostly because of the fact that he acted his age but…more aggressive and a little condescending. He just couldn’t comprehend the fact that he wasn’t this prime piece that every woman licked theirs fingers for.

“___” he drawled lazily as he leaned onto the counter right next to you. A cocky grin on his lips. “Levi” you said with a thin smile and quickly raised your shot glass in greeting. You really hoped your body language would do the trick this time but no such luck. Of course. “How ´bout you dance with me, little mama?” A disgusted shiver ran down your spine at that. Little Mama? What the hell? His hand was already at the small of your back when your head whipped around and you snarled at him. “How many times do I have to say it, Levi? Hmm? I am not interested in you. Please, for the love of god, get it through your thick head. You won´t take no for an answer and that tells me everything I need to know.” You raised your chin when you saw that yet again, the message wouldn’t go through. There was no emotion in his eyes as he continued with a twitch of his lips.

“There really is no point in playing hard to get,___. I already like you enough. Tell me” he licked his lips and his eyes dipped to your cleavage. You felt your blood boiling. Who did that idiot think he was? “When was the last time you had some good old fashioned fun, huh? Come on, baby just imagine it. Your body rocking on top of me-“ “Knock that shit off, Levi. Right now!” Michael boomed just as your hand shot out to slap Levi across the face. He was quick though and gripped your wrist painfully hard. A dangerous and primal glint in his eyes. “There you are, little feisty bird. I like that.” In your periphery you could see Michael hurrying around the bar. Jenna was shouting. “Levi! Let her go or-“ “Or WHAT?” Levi snarled.

“Or I´ll break Every. Single. Bone. in your scrawny body, asshole!”

The next moment you heard the sickening sound of bone crashing against bone. The hand that had held your wrist let go and Levi went flying several feet backwards and onto the ground. A wide back stepped halfway in front of you. Clad in a black dress shirt and his signature jeans on, Joel was breathing heavily. His fists were balled at his sides. He watched as Levi stumbled to his feet, grasping onto the bar. “What the fuck, man!” he grunted and held his bleeding nose.

“Go on, boy. Run your mouth some more. Your nose was just the first bone I´m gonna wreck!” Joels voice was cold, menacing and absolutely terrifying.

Finally you saw some sort of regret in Levi´s eyes as he glared at Joel and you. “All right. All right. That little prude better watch where she´s going!” Something snapped in Joel´s neck and like a bull he charged forward. At that moment both Michael and Tommy were by his side holding him back while he shouted at Levi. “You dare come close to her and I swear I will tear you limb from limb!”

“Joel! Quit it!” Tommy huffed while holding his brother back. “He´s not worth it, come on, man! Levi!” Tommy glared at him. “Get the fuck out and be glad that I´m not turning him lose!” Levi stumbled and moved quickly towards the doors. At that point several people were paying attention to the scene. Your whole body was shaking with nerves and rage. Your eyes were trained on Joel´s back as he shook Tommy and Michael off. He was still breathing heavily. Tommy looked at you apologetically. “You alright,___?” he asked. You nodded your head. “Yeah, I´m fine. Nothing happened.” Joel turned to you. Your eyes met and your heart stuttered in your chest. His eyes were warm when they met yours. He hung his head a little and looked at you ever so softly. A little worried. You smiled at him and the corner of his mouth twitched.

Maria hurried over to you. “___, is everything okey?” You smiled at her. “Yes, all good. I´m sorry Levi made such a scene.” Maria shook her head immediately. “Don’t apologize. Levi was way out of line. Something worse could have happened.” She turned to Joel. “Thank you for stepping in, Joel. Really.” Joel nodded his head. “There´s ice in the back. ___, how about you take Joel and make sure his hand is cooled down?” Did she just wink at you? Nervously you swallowed as heat crept up your neck.

You looked at Joel again and waved him over. He followed you immediately as you made your way to the back where the kitchen was. Fabiola was the main chef and still buzzling around the various pots and pans. “___, my love, what are you doing back here? You should celebrate.” She gave Joel a slightly weary look. “We need some ice, Fabiola. Joel…he…um…” Joel lifted his hand sheepishly and Fabiola´s eyes went wide as plates. “Oh, dio mio!! Sí, certo…ice. Over here.” She came back with some ice wrapped in a dish towel and handed it to you. “I´ll leave you two alone for a moment.”

“Here, sit.” You gestured to a wooden box in the corner where he sat down. You pulled a small stool towards you to sit down across from him. You had to smile slightly as you remembered how sweet little Fabiola needed that stool to basically reach anything.

You took the dish towel and reached out for Joel´s hand. It was angry red and his knuckles were split a little. “Looks painful” you said as you carefully pressed the ice to his hand. He didn’t even flinch, only exhaled a long breath. “´S nothin´. I´ve had worse.” Your eyes met yet again. He was smiling. The corner of his eyes crinkling so enticingly you had a hard time not to reach out and caressing the side of his face. “I wanted to thank you. For standing up for me” you said sincerely. He raised his brow in question. “No need to thank me. That little bastard had it coming as soon as he lay a hand on you. If not me, you probably would´ve kicked his lights out within the minute. I saw your face when he grabbed you.” Joel sounded almost proud when you chuckled and paid attention to his hand again.

“Although I would have liked to see you give him hell…I….I couldn’t stop myself.” Your hand that was holding his moved a little. Almost caressing his palm. “Like I said” you said with a smile. “I don’t mind at all. In this day and age, it´s quite nice when someone stands up for you. Looks out for you…protects you.” You ended your sentence with a small unsure voice and forced yourself to look at him again. When you did, his eyes held nothing but soft determination. He nodded to let you know that´s exactly what his motives were. “You know” you said with a chuckle. “This is the longest conversation we´ve had so far.” Joels eyes dulled a little. “Yeah” he said and sighed. “That´s…that´s pretty much my fault. I…I´m not exactly a very social person anymore.” You nodded slowly.

“I get it. I mean, the circumstances and all…You just don’t know who to trust anymore.” You shrugged. Joel studied your face carefully. “I´m sorry” he said in a small voice. Your head whipped up. “What for?” you asked, genuinely confused. “I must come across like some asocial asshole. Not talking much.” He looked genuinely upset. Again your fingers lightly brushed the inside of his palm to try and reassure him. “Not talking much doesn’t make you an asshole, Joel” you lightly giggled. “I can only share my own experience but,” you grabbed his hand a little tighter. “When I first came to Jackson I didn’t know how to let go either. I was on edge all the time. Couldn’t sleep or eat properly. I always waited for that one blow.” Joel´s eyes went a little wide and he blinked several times. “Jackson is a safe place, Joel. For you, for Tommy, Maria, me, everyone, really…and of course Ellie.” You smiled up at him. “Not to sound bratty but,” you smirked at him as you saw a blush creep up his neck. “You could really do with a good night’s sleep and some relaxation. You´re tense.”

Joel hung his head and huffed out a good natured laugh. Your pulse picked up again. “Yeah, I know.” He raised his eyes to yours again, a thankful look in them. “I know I could relax here. Ellie doesn’t have any problems. It´s just…” You grasped onto his hand carefully. Your touch strong enough this time to make it clear that it wasn’t fleeting or a touch by chance. “There is nothing here in Jackson that could rob you of a good sleep, Joel. You´re safe.”

Joel´s face visibly relaxed as he heard those words. He knew they were true but hearing them was another thing. He leaned forward slightly. “Have a drink with me” he whispered with conviction as his slightly injured palm closed around your hand. You grinned immediately and nodded your head. “I´d love to.”

His lips twitched and he got up from the crate, pulling you from the little stool with him gently. Something shifted in the air slightly. Joel´s fingertips still brushed against the sensitive skin of your wrist. He must´ve felt your pulse hammering like a hummingbird´s heart. Not being able to look at you his eyes were trained on his hand holding yours. A thickness lay itself over the two of you as you studied his features again. Strong eyebrows were slightly pinched. He looked like he was concentrating hard on something. The moment his pink tongue darted out to wet his lips slightly, you could see clearly that he´d felt the shiver that shook your body momentarily. There was no time or space however for any kind of embarrassment. Why hide anything now. If you wanted something you might as well let him know what it was. All he could do was reject you. And that would at least finally set you free.

A strained sigh escaped him and slowly he made eye contact again. You knew you were breathing heavily at this point. The two of you standing way closer than you needed to at this point. His scent crept up your nose and little fireworks of pure desire started dancing in your brain. He smelled of minty soap, crisp spring winds and something earthy and strong that could only be his own scent. It made you dizzy in combination with his curious chocolate brown eyes, holding you captive in this loaded moment.

As if he wasn´t able to stop it, Joel´s other hand lifted slowly. Still holding your gaze you felt his fingertips light as a feather touching the skin of your cheek. By this time you knew you were sweating. A tickling sensation running down your back as you marvelled in the slight touch of his breath on the tip of your nose. Joel´s thumb carefully stroked over your cheekbone. “Let me get to know you. I want to know you.” His voice was quiet and so sincere, you knew immediately that this man would be worth waiting for. Your desire for him grew into something softer, more determined. Into something driven to make him happy, make him feel safe, wanted and cherished. You closed your eyes for a moment and slightly leaned your head into his still lingering touch. When you opened your eyes again, the look in his eyes was a mixture of disbelieve, relieve and simmering affection.

You nodded your head gently. “Then stay close” you said with a little smile. “Don’t hide from me.” Joel hummed when he stepped back slightly and let go of your face and hand. You could still feel the burn of his skin on yours. “I won´t. You´ll see that I can be quite…determined.” His tone was almost playful in the end and you loved every second of it. Your lips split into a grin as you moved towards the door back into the barn. The close proximity in which you passed him, the little smile you gave him while doing so and the accentuated swing of your hips did exactly what you´d hoped. A little strangled sound came from the man behind you before you heard hurried footsteps and then a big, warm hand at the small of your back as he lead you through the door with a smitten smile.

____________________________________________________________________________

It was almost like a switch had been flipped inside Joel. He smiled more, although still only shortly it was always sincere. He was outside more often, actively reaching out to different people. He didn’t go on patrol every single day anymore but instead helped around any construction site there was in the city. He helped build new stables for the horses as it was now foaling season and had his meals more often with Tommy and Ellie in the barn. He still wasn’t very much relaxed but you knew he made an effort. How did you know? You knew in the way he opened every single door for you whenever you were together. You knew in the way he began to cock out his hip or his knee whenever he stood next to you, trying to stand more comfortably. You also knew by the way you sometimes caught him looking at you with a butter soft look that made your heart jump into your throat. You´d spent several minutes a day just talking and walking to wherever you needed to go but it was always him that soughed you out. He´d stand next to you suddenly and just start talking. Not that you minded in the slightest.  

Just as in this moment. His elbows leaned against the door of the stable as he observed you with interest. You were checking up on your favourite mare that was about to give birth. Checking how lose the muscles in her behind were, you raised your eyebrows at her. “Not long now, huh?” you smiled and walked around her to stroke her head affectionately. “Don´t rush it though, ok? I´d like to sleep in tomorrow if you don’t mind.” The animal pushed it´s head more into your hand as you chuckled. You turned around and saw Joel smiling at you. Again you could feel what his presence and wide frame did to you.

“Have dinner with me” he said softly, a slight nervous undertone in his baritone voice. You blinked a bit bewildered. “Ellie already asked me if I wanted to join you tonight. You two need to communicate better” you winked at him playfully. Joel rubbed his neck and suddenly looked everywhere except for you. Something was a bit off. “Jesus” he muttered under his breath. With a throb of your heart you saw how his neck and cheeks suddenly turned bright red. “What I meant was…dinner with me” he lifted his head and there they were again. Those damn puppy eyes. “Just me.” Again you blinked at him while your brain was desperately trying to catch up. “Oh” you said lamely before the adrenalin in your blood made sure he wouldn’t take it as a rejection. Quickly you added “Yes!” Ok, that was way too loud. Reign it in! “Yes” you cleared your throat and answered a little less breathless. “I can do that. Dinner, yes. Totally.” It was so blatantly obvious that you hadn´t been asked out to dinner in literal decades, your stomach turned at the cringeworthy tone of your voice. Thankfully even Joel seemed to be like a fish out of water himself. He stared at you for a second before your answer really penetrated his consciousness. “Great” he said and drummed a short rhythm against the wood of the stable door with his palms. “Great. Dinner, my place. Pick you up at seven?” You nodded your already swimming head. “Sounds perfect.”

He nodded again as a smile appeared on his face making his eyes crinkle so enticingly. “See you at seven,___” he said your name so softly that it made your toes curl. “Yeah. I´ll be ready” you breathed. Again he grinned as he turned around and walked away with a distinct pep in his step.

_____________________________________________________________________________

“Dakota!!” you yelled as you stormed into the bakery looking for your friend. “Ducky!”

“What, what?? Who died?” You saw her head pop around the corner as always smudged with flour.

“I need your help” you panted as you leaned against the counter, grinning like a mad man.

“Ah, so no one died. Great” Dakota chuckled and walked over to you. “Now what´s got you so excited?” You looked at your slightly younger but surely closest female friend you´ve made in the last year. “Joel” you whispered giddily.

“Fair” Dakota said with a chuckle. “I know you religiously ruin your panties over that man but what exactly has he done now? Breathed next to you? Uh, did he defend your honour again? I swear the way you two looked at each other that evening, I would have thought you´d both already be boning like rabbits.” She ended with a laugh as she saw your wide eyes. “Ducky, this isn’t funny. He asked me on a date. A date!” She raised an eyebrow in question. “Seriously? Mr. Deathglare´s asked for a date?” You nodded your head wildly. “Well, would you look at that” Dakota actually sounded impressed. “Knew you´d be a good influence on him. Good for you!” She hugged you. “You did say yes, didn’t you?”

You snorted. “Very much like a freshmen in High School but yes, I did.” Dakota looked at you amused. “And now you need….?”

“I need to go through your stash. Just to be safe” you said quickly. Dakotas eyes went wide. “Ohhhhhh, you little minx. Of course, of course. We need to be safe. Come on, let´s go.” With a little giggle you followed your best friend who was dragging you to the back of the bakery where her flat was.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Your nerves were raging through your body. Why were you so incredibly nervous. You knew Joel liked you enough to ask you out, he liked you enough to get between you and potential danger, he liked you enough to touch you so delicately. The fact that you seriously had a chance…that was it. It was surreal because it actually happened. Not just in your vivid imagination but in real life. Seven was only two minutes away when a knock to your door made you jump. You hurried over to your front door and…fuck. Fuck, you were done for! Joel stood in front of you with a little bouquet of wilflowers. He was wearing a dark blue V-Neck T-shirt that nearly made you salivate. A darker pair of jeans than he usually wore hugged his hips as well as a leather belt with a prominent belt buckle. In true southern fashion he slightly inclined his head while holding eye contact and extended the bouquet towards you. Only now you realised that his usual curls were somewhat tamed and gently fell over his ears.

“You look beautiful” he said gently as you took the flowers with a slight tremble of your hand. A bright smile adorned your face as you replied. “Thank you, Joel. You clean up very well I have to say.” Joel´s ears went slightly pink as he chuckled deep in his chest. “One moment” you said as you turned around and reached for a small vase standing on the little table in your entryway. You put the flowers in some water and put them on your coffee table. Hurrying back to Joel who was patiently waiting you closed and locked your door before looking up at him. He had a fond expression on his face as he offered you his arm. You just knew he saw the pulse hammering in your neck. “What a gentleman” you giggled as he lead you down the stairs and towards his house at the end of the street. Joel gave you a boyish grin that made your heart stutter in your chest.

“I was raised in Texas, darlin´” Ohhhhh, that southern drawl. He was laying on thick and you gobbled it right up. “My nan would haunt me if I lost my manners in front of a lady.” You blew a dismissing raspberry into the air and his head whipped down to you. “What?” he asked a bit confused. “´M hardly a lady, Joel. That was a long time ago.”

He regarded you with a bit of a confused and curious look before he lightly shook his head. “I´m sorry but I beg to differ” he grinned again. “When I got ready just now I suddenly felt like I haven´t felt in decades. Like it was a normal night. Just…simply date night. It still feels like it although everything is so different.” You nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. “I didn’t date much before the breakout” he confessed a bit sheepishly. “But I recognise a lady when I see one.” You giggled and shook your head a little.

You arrived at his house only a few moments later. He let go of your arm only to unlock the door and guide you into his home. A delicious smell came from the kitchen and invaded the living and dining room. Joel took your little bag and lay it on the counter of his kitchen. You followed him and saw that he must have prepared some kind of “Chilli?” you asked fascinated. Joel smiled proudly. “Yes. I used to make this all the time. Probably because it´s the only thing I don’t completely ruin when it comes to cooking. Do you…do you like Chilli?” You nodded your head immediately. He smirked a little. “Come here” he said in a bit of a raspy voice and waved you over, the sentence vibrating in your guts.

You went over to him and stood right next to him when he opened the lid of the pot. Joel gave you a spoon and nodded encouragingly towards the chilli. Dunking it in and blowing on it gently, your eyes nearly rolled inside your head as an appreciative sigh bubbled up your throat. “Good lord, Joel. This is fantastic!” Joel´s eyes blitzed with happiness. He took a small step towards you, completely stepping into your space and you welcomed him there without hesitation. He gently took the spoon from your fingers and lay it on the counter without breaking eye contact. You swallowed hard when you saw that his eyes took on a bit of a hungry look. “You really look quite beautiful tonight” he said lowly. “I thought you were the first time I saw you. And at Maria´s Birthday…the only word that came to mind when I saw you was angelic.”

Your knees nearly gave out. Was this it? You couldn’t say anything. Didn’t know how to express what he made you feel. “I apologise if I seemed uninterested or rude. I couldn’t let go of my worries. Needed to think about Ellie but believe me, you were…are on my mind constantly.” You knew your eyes were wide as plates at this point. “I can´t say that dating has been a priority for me. Of course it hasn’t  but…it´s funny how safety and consistency can change ones priorities. I don’t want to run around anymore. This place has everything Ellie and I need.” Your heart swelled when you heard him talking about the young girl with so much fondness.

When his hands landed on your waist, your breath hitched but you didn’t move even an inch. “Please tell me if I interpret this wrong but I kinda hoped, you know…” He was failing to maintain the eye contact longer and just looked at your neck instead. Still tongue tied you tried to reassure him as best you could. Your hands lifted themselves and gently you lay them on his firm chest. With a disbelieving chuckle you felt how his own heart was going ballistic underneath your palm. “Joel” you whispered heavily. “I´m glad you get to relax finally. I´m glad you want to stay here. I´m glad…you´re not interpreting this wrong. I…I´m hopelessly attracted to you.” He genuinely seemed surprised for a moment. His hands on your waist flexed before gripping onto you a little tighter. His head dipped towards you until his nose brushed yours ever so gently. “You are?” he whispered almost in awe. You nodded against his nose and laughed lightly. “Yes” you said with a much stronger voice. “And if you don´t kiss me already I´m gon—hmmm!” He took your invitation without question and pressed his lips to yours in a bit of a clumsy but electrifying manner. Your skin immediately started to burn, especially the moment one of his hands landed on the side of your neck and his thumb began to circle your pulse point. It took everything in you not to whimper.

The kiss wasn’t very long or passionate. It was more of a finding of rhythm, what pressure the other liked most, finding an understanding of what was happening. His beard tickled your skin so deliciously while his warm hands nearly scourged your skin. When you separated however, the look you gave one another was clear as day. Pure longing and excitement. Joel reached out blindly and fumbled for the stove, turning it off. He checked for any sign of protest from you but only saw a light smirk on your face.

The next moment was like some kind of floodgates opened. His arm wound around your waist completely as he turned you and pressed you to his fridge, the other hand still on your neck. This time a little whimper did escape you and gave him all the permission he needed. Surging down he enveloped your upper lip with his in a swirl of passion. Your arms went around his neck as you quickly kissed him back in kind. It was open mouthed kisses and grabbing hands. From your neck over your arm down to your ribcage he used the momentum he had on you to fully grab onto your thigh and guide it roughly up to his hip.

A moan came from both of you when he made himself at home against your other thigh. Gently you tucked at the curls in his neck and he answered with a little lick to your lower lip, testing the waters. Your insides were on fire in an instant. How would you ever survive a night with this man if simple making out almost made you lose your fucking mind?

Slowly Joel introduced his tongue into the kiss more and more. And with every new troke against your own you clung to him more. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy this. An long groan came from him and without thinking about it he started to grind his groin against your leg. Breathing heavily against his mouth you panted. “Fuck, Joel. You sure you haven´t done this in a while?” He grinned and lightly tucked at your lip with his teeth. Kissing a line over your cheek and down to your neck he answered. “I didn’t date. No good reason to do that out there. But I´m just a man. There was one or the other woman, I can´t lie. But yes, it´s been a while. God, you are delicious.” His tongue licked a  stripe from your neck up to your ear. When he bit your earlobe your whole body twitched in anticipation.

The hand on your thigh pressing it to his hip moved slowly upwards pushing your skirt up in the process. Joels fingers stroked your soft skin with a soft hum on his lips. “Tell me, pretty girl” he rasped into your ear. “Would you allow an old man to take you to bed?” You nodded quickly and bit your lip as you gave him more access to your neck. “No, no, darlin´. I need to hear it. Indulge me in that sweet voice of yours.” You tried to pull yourself together enough to answer him. “Yes. J-Joel. Take me to bed, please.”

Hearing your pleading tone he growled against your throat and his grip on you became bruising. Connecting your lips again he this time almost kissed you silly. His scent in your nose, his obvious desire for you and the noises he made, made it impossible to think about anything else than wanting to please this man into oblivion. He disconnected from you with an impatient grunt but smiled down at you when he saw your already billed out expression. He let your leg go and slowly made sure you could stand somewhat stable. Stroking your face again affectionately he gave your nose a tiny peck before speaking.

“I want you to be sure about this,___. I would hate for you to regret it afterwards. I can wait or stop right now if you want me to. I just…god, I´ve thought about this so many times. I want to do this right.” You stood on your toes and gave him a slow, loving kiss. “Take me to bed, Joel. I´m sure. I want you” you smiled. He closed his eyes in relieve and took a deep breath. When he opened them again to look at you a shiver ran down your spine. His gaze was determined, filled with lust and want. “Yes, ma´am” he simply rasped and took your hand, heading towards his bedroom upstairs.  

You stumbled into his room, kissing and already undressing. Joel was pulling your pullover over your head and groaned long in his throat when you saw your bra. You tucked at his shirt impatiently and he willingly pulled it over his head. Too far gone by the perfect swell of your breasts to worry about his physical appearance. He didn’t need to worry anyway. Your hand moved over his chest, shoulders and down his torso until be was a panting mess before you. Basically holding onto your hips just to ground himself. When your gentle fingers reached the soft pouch of his tummy, tickling the soft hairs of his treasure trail he was almost about to lose it.

Joel started walking towards his bed pulling you with him. He sat down and without hesitation you pulled down your skirt, kicked it away and moved to straddle his lap. A hiss came from you when he grabbed fistfuls of your ass and squeezed hard. “Sorry” he panted and smoothed his palms over your behind. “You´re just too…You´re so much more perfect than I imagined.” You could feel your confidence spike tenfold at that and you started nibbling on his neck. “You imagined this?” you asked cockily. He hummed and pulled your lips to his again. “Every fucking day, baby” he said against them. “Fuck, so did I.” Your hips began to rotate your hips on his lap. His cock pressing insistently against your pussy.

Joel was still wearing his Jeans. That had to be uncomfortable. Licking his lips enticingly you ground your hips down harder and watched as his eyes nearly fluttered shut. “Ok, Ok, you little siren, I get it. Up” he said with a strained chuckle. A sharp slap to your ass made you yelp before you scrambled off his lap, if very reluctantly. The price you were about to receive though made it worth it. Joel stood quickly and fumbled with his belt before pushing the offensive pair of Jeans down his strong thighs and off. The clanking of the buckle made you shiver uncontrollably and as soon as Joel was only in his boxers your impatience peaked. Pushing him down on the bed you crawled on top of him and looked down at his quite surprised face.

“Let me make you feel good, Joel. Relax for me, yeah?” You kissed his collar bone and felt him take a deep, rumbling breath. “This is more than I ever imagined. Baby. You can do whatever you´d like. Just stay right there.” His tone was almost whiny as his hands moved over your thighs slowly. “Whatever I like?” you asked with a cheeky smile against his pectorals. He groaned. “Yes. Fuck, yes. Anything you want.”

You moved your head next to his ear again and whispered in the lowest, most seductive voice you could muster “What if I want you inside of me?” Joel almost choked on his own spit. His hands grabbing onto your ass possessively. “Don’t talk like that, little one. Don’t…oh fuck. Good lord.” You could feel his cock throbbing against your underwear. A little droplet of sweat ran down the valley of your spine before you gathered your wits again.

Knowing that this was it, this was happening, you quickly stood up from the bed. Joels head whipped up in protest. “The hell do you think you´re goin´, beautiful?” You gave him a grin over your shoulder and bent down to get your skirt right in front of him. He fell back onto the bed and pushed his hand down his face dramatically. “Move your sweet ass back over here, for the love of god” he growled.

“Patience, Mr. Miller” you said as you sauntered over to him again. The condom secure in your hand. He saw the foiled packaging and nodded in understanding. “I was almost too far gone to think about that” he muttered. “Good thing you have me then” you said as you straddled him again. He looked up at you. His eyes held something appreciative, thankful and absolutely fascinated in them. A warm and calloused hand reached out for your cheek and held it gently. You clasped his hand with yours. “Touch me, Joel” you whispered and guided his hand down over your collarbone and over your breasts. His fingers twitched when they made contact with your bra.

Letting go of his hand you reached behind you and unclasped it. When the straps fell down your shoulders his hand tucked lightly and pulled it off of you. “Sweet Jesus” he breathed and sat up in one fluid motion. Looking at your chest with lust blown eyes, he peppered it with light kisses, both his hands now brushing over your sides. A warm, wet tongue darted out and licked over your already pebbled nipple. “Shit” you cursed as you felt your pussy throbbing immediately.

“Knew it” he groaned and suckled the hardened bud a little more forcefully. “Knew you´d be so sensitive.” You nodded blindly, pushing your chest closer to his face. “Feels so good” you breathed. “Bet you could cum just like this, couldn’t you, hm? Just with me paying attention to your incredible tits.” His voice vibrated over your skin making you oh so desperate. “Joel, please” you muttered as you buried your face in his hair. “I know, sweetheart, I know” he panted and lifted his hips up into you. His cock hard and hot against the ever growing wet spot between your legs. With a light yank of his hair he stared up at you before you attacked his lips with all the desperation you felt at that moment. “Take them off” you said insistently and moved your hands to the waistband of his boxers.

Nodding against your lips he lay back down while you straightened up on your knees and watched as he pushed his boxers down and shook them off his legs. Joels cock was already angry red and jumping against his little belly. You licked your lips unconsciously before slowly lowering your hips down again. “You´re a literal goddess, you know that?” Joel asked. You smiled at him. “Do you want me to get rid of these too?” you asked and snapped the hem of your panties against your skin. Joel nodded quickly.

It wasn’t exactly very gracious the way you pulled them down your legs but it was quick and efficient. Joel had already unwrapped the condom and was just rolling it down his shaft. You grabbed his hands and intertwined your fingers as you angled your hips, rubbing your wetness over his shaft. “Fucking hell” he grunted. “Baby, that all for me?” His dark eyes were trained on the spot where the head of his cock gently bumped your clit again and again. “Yes” you whimpered. “All because of you.”

“Come on, sweetheart. Wanna feel you so bad. Wanna make you cum so bad, please. Hurry up and put it in.” Joel hissed when you grabbed his heavy cock and angled it to your entrance.

With a long and beautiful moan you slowly worked it inside of you. The feeling of him inside of you was something you´d never experienced. Not because he was big but because of the absolute joy you felt when you saw what it did to him. His eyes where shut, head thrown back onto the pillow and droplets of sweat adorned his greying temples. He looked truly blissed out and it spurred you on like nothing else. To get his attention you squeezed around him the moment he bottomed out. “Ohhh, hell. Yes, sweet girl. Yes!” His eyes snapped open again. “Baby” his voice had a warning tone. “Baby, you need to move. I can´t…´s too much. Feel so incredible. Please move, ´m sorry. Can´t” he whined.

Your whole lower body seized at his admission and without thinking you started to move your hips back and forth. The sensation was instant and powerful. You didn’t know how he did it. If it was the angle, his size of the pure desperation that surged through your body but only a few swivels of your hips in you felt an intense pulsing and the tell-tale knot forming in your lower belly.

“What the fuuuuck” you moaned and moved a little more aggressively. “Joel…fuck, that’s it! Oh, god. Ahhh. What´re you doing?” Joel groaned when he felt you squeezing him yet again. “___” he breathed. “Fuck it´s perfect. You´re perfect. Good fuckin´ girl, come on! Ridin´ me so fucking good, hmmhpf.” Getting up on your kneed a bit you really started to ride his cock in earnest and were immediately rewarded by a shout of pleasure and slightly higher pitched whimpers. “Yes, yes, yes” he panted with every fall of your hips onto his length.

“You´ve no idea how much I want you. So gorgeous. Cum for me baby, please. Cum for me, cum for me.” You whined when his words penetrated your fuzzy mind and twisted the knot in your belly that much more. “So good. Can feel you clenching around me, darlin´. Come on. Just a bit more. ´M so close. Wanna come for you, baby.”

The sound of skin slapping against skin, moans and whimpers filled the room and it couldn’t be more perfect. Your hands were on his chest to balance yourself and his were on your hips, helping you bounce on his cock. “Shit! Oh god.” Suddenly Joel´s fingers gripped your hips tighter, digging into your flesh as he planted his feet onto the mattress. “Sweetheart, I´m so close. Tell me you´re close, please” he pleadingly looked up at you, almost panicked. You just nodded your head. You couldn’t even form a normal sentence the way his cock pushed inside of you and making your mind foggy with every drag.

“Thank fuck” he growled and began lifting his hips upwards. A scream erupted from your throat when you felt the true strength of his thrusts. He was overwhelming. Moaning you collapsed onto his chest, panting against his pectorals as his arms wound themselves around your sweaty back and pressed you closer to him.

“Joel, fuck. I´m close. Please, please hurry” you almost whaled while hiccupping and damn near salivating onto his sun kissed skin.

“Thaaaat´s it! That´s it, come on, honey, take it! Take all of it. Doin´ so good for me. Fuck! Fuck! Yes, hhhmmmm.” Not even a minute later and you felt the knot unravel. You wanted to warn him.

“Joel!” you cried out but couldn’t manage more than that before you violently started shivering and convulsing. Overwhelming pleasure surged white and hot through you while the rushing in your ears was so loud, you almost didn’t hear your own scream or even Joels words.

“Oh, shit!! Perfect, fucking perfect, baby. Taking it so good. Fuck! I´m coming, coming with you baby. Right now, keep going, keep going! Fuck! Ahhhhh,___! HHMMMNGG!” Arching his back to press himself as deep as he could reach he released all the pent up desire he had for you into the condom. “Shit! Shit!” he panted, gradually becoming quieter as he held onto your still twitching body on top of his. His hand loosened a little around you and he brushed his palms soothingly over your back to try and bring you back down from your high. Even though his own hadn’t subsided yet in the slightest. He still couldn’t really feel his legs by the time you groggily lifted your head and a pair of eyes filled with disbelieve and wonder looked at him.

A slow smile spread on your face as you leaned up and began peppering his face with kisses. He laughed lightly, still trying to catch his breath as you lovingly traced the laugh lines around his eyes. “Hello, there” you giggled. Joel groaned and covered his eyes with his palm, giggling. “Really?” he asked. “I just rocked your world and you come at me with a Star Wars reference?” You gently nipped on his collarbone. “How about I tell everyone you rocked my whole galaxy? Am I allowed Star Wars references then?” His chest swelled at your words and he carefully brushed his knuckles over your cheek and shook his head. “You´ve got me wrapped around every beautiful finger you possess, darlin´. You can make all the Star Wars references you want.” A dreamy smile appeared on your lips and you leaned in to kiss him.

Joel slowly moved you to his side, slipping from your warm cavern with a slight hiss. He removed the condom, tied and discarded it. He wrapped you in his arms and moved your head into the crook of his neck where you contently breathed in his musky scent. Suddenly your stomach began to gurgle comically. Joel broke out into a full belly laugh. A sound you so thoroughly enjoyed, your whole body began to buzz. Joel nuzzled your nose and kissed it. “How ´bout I go downstairs and get you a bowl of Chilli, hm? We could eat it in bed. I do need the fuel for next time.” With his last words he began suckling on the skin of your neck while you already felt those sweet, sweet shivers again.

“Next time?” you asked hopefully. He raised an eyebrow at you. “Don´t think I´ll let you out this bed until Ellie comes back tomorrow. You stay right where you are.” With a last squeeze of your waist he turned around and stood from the bed. He walked over to his boxers and with every step he took your mouth watered.

When he pulled up his boxers and exited the room you fell over onto the mattress with a girlish squeak. Then, after musing about what you wanted to do to him next time, you heard a door fall shut downstair and Joel shouting. “Jesus, fuck!”

“Joel!” you yelled and jumped off the bed. Quickly you looked around and saw a big bath towel on his dresser. Quickly wrapping yourself in it you went downstairs to see what´d happened. Joel was standing at the foot of the stairs, attention on the front door where you heard a voice….Oh, crap!

“What are you doing here, Ellie? I asked you to stay out tonight” you saw Joel pinch the bridge of his nose. Ellie stood at the front door when you slowly came into view. “I forgot something and…I really understand that you need some alone time with your date, Joel. But I live here too, you know. Why are you in your boxers?” she asked and wrinkled her nose. Then her attention snapped to you, clad in only a towel on the stairs. “Ellie-“ Joel began exasperated but it was already too late.

“No fucking way, dude!” Ellie pointed at the both of you. “You sly old horndog, you already boned, didn’t you? It´s not even that late!” She doubled over laughing while Joel gave you an apologetic look. “Did you even get to eat anything before he jumped your bones?” she asked, addressing you directly. You grinned at the teenager and descended the stairs until you were one step above Joel. Reaching out and wrapping your arms around his shoulder, your chin on his head you winked at her.

“Not yet, we were just fuelling up for round two. You better get what you forgot and skedaddle if you don’t want to hear him-“ “Oh hell, no!” Ellie covered her ears and made a beeline to her own room across the dining room. Joel turned in your arms and looked up at you lovingly. “Move in” he said earnestly. You laughed and kissed him. “She´s a teenage girl, Joel. You need to fight fire with fire.”

Ellie came out of her room, gave you another disgusted look and opened the front door. Before leaving though she turned around one more time. “You two better be decent when I get back tomorrow. And for the love of god, use protection.” With a very light smirk on her lips she turned and closed the door. You gave Joel another peck on the cheek. “So, how about that Chilli?” He grinned at you and nodded. “Get your sexy ass upstairs and into my bed. I´ll be there in a second.” Another kiss that left you dizzy, wet and yearning for more, he slapped your ass lightly and shushed you up the stairs, grinning after you with a light and happy feeling filling his chest

________________________________________________________

Thank you very much for reading. Please let me know what you think through a comment or reblog. Likes of course always make my day <3

Love you all and please be safe <3

Tags:

@farintonorth @moonlightdivine @sunshine-kittyy @imonmykneessir @cowboychickenlittle @luna-salem @leeeesahhh @friendlyneighbourhoodgothicpagan @makingloveout @mxtokko @starybrainz111 @shadowtrick @manazo @stevengmybeloved

[firsttimewriter92]

Something different:

WHAT THE SHIT, TUMBLR???😠

I get the ads, I do! But how is it that on my laptop I get ads for clothing, art supplies, toys and Anime merch and on my phone I see a video of a man (Trigger warning below for disgusting stuff)

with FUCKING wriggling MAGGOTS in his mouth?!?!?! 🤮

That is so DISGUSTING I almost threw up!!! What the hell?? It's not only disgusting but truly disturbing! I DON'T want to see this type of shit! 😡

Do I really need to pay money now so I don't see absolute vile and horrible images? I'm not even searching for this type of content on here or anything.

What is happening???

I need some alcoholic liquid to get this fucking image out of my head. 😖 It´s happened three times now!!

[firsttimewriter92]

Sweet boy König angst to fluff, I would love him to be protective with reader who got knocked out and him at the hospital 😭🥹

Hey sweet anon :) Based on your ask and popular demand here is a very angsty fic about you being injured and König losing his damn mind. I may or may not went a little overboard ;) So, prepare for all the angst/hurt/comfort you can handle :P It´s SFW.

Your code name is Queeny

König x f!reader

Summary: You get seriously injured and König is losing his mind. He wasn´t able to tell you yet! Would he ever get the chance to now?

Word count: 3.294

Warnings: Hurt, angst, hurt/comfort, injuries, blood, medical talk, devestated König but all the fluff in the end

“Somebody help!!!!” His panicked yells were muffled by the rushing in your ears, by the steadily slower beating of your heart, by the roaring of fire and breaking rubble all around you. It was chaos. What´d happened? One moment you were with your team, scouting for vantage points above the main battle area and the next, Boom!! Heat had encased your body as it fell. Pressure from falling concrete and steel on your chest and legs almost burying you. Why? Why was there an explosion? The enemy didn’t even make it to the area where you wanted to ambush them yet.

“Ghost! Soap! Help me!!” That voice…That booming voice. König. He never sounded like that…desperate, devastated. Your sight was blurry when you tried to open your eyes. They were so heavy. Not even adrenalin helping you stay awake. This was bad. Very bad. König…you heard hurrying footsteps and yells before some of the pressure was lifted from your legs. They felt cold and wet. Must be blood your foggy brain mused.

“No, no, no, no, no, Queeny! Eyes open, keep them open, Liebling, please!! Lt, that one! The one on her chest. I can pull her out!”

“König, calm down, we don’t know how injured she is. We can´t just lift the damn thing” you heard your Lt shout. “We have to! I´m not leaving without her!” Your heart tried to swell at König´s words. He was a sweetheart if you got to know him. Scary as all hell on the battlefield but couldn’t hurt a fly when not on duty. Your eyes tried to focus on him. His sniper hood was right above you. The whites of his eyes so clearly visible you knew how wide open they must be. His pale blueish green irises held a look of pure devastation as he gazed down at you. Strong hands held your neck in place as piece after piece of rubble was carefully removed from your lower body. The pressure and weight on your chest and abdomen however held it´s deathly grip on you.

You knew you were bleeding out from somewhere. Your hands were cold, you heart didn’t beat as quickly as it should. Your own medical experience kicked in and you knew your chances were slim if evac didn’t arrive in the next two minutes.

“-loosing too much blood. Evac, this is Ghost. How copy?” We´re out three minutes, Lieutenant. How´s the situation? “Critical!! Hurry your arses up!” You heard a gurgling sound from König´s throat above you and wished more than anything to be able to give him just one more book recommendation, to make one more cup of tea with him in the middle of the night, one more time be able to see his face. You couldn’t even touch him. His hands on the side of your neck began to shake.

“Lt” he said in a chocked up voice. “Ghost…we need to get her out from under there! When evac arrives we need to leave within the minute.”

“He´s right, Lt. We have to try” Soap on your other side sounded worried beyond measure. A deep sigh came from your superior. “Fuckin´ hell!” he hissed. “Right, Soap. Hand me that rod, I´m goin´ to use it as a lever. Help König pull her out as soon as there´s room, got it? If we don´t try she dies anyways.” You almost chuckled at the bluntness of your Lt. He was a character, for sure, but you´d lay your life in his hands without hesitation. You´d already done so multiple times. Just like today.

Faintly you heard a helicopter landing in front of the destroyed building you were in. Slowly the pressure on your chest vanished bit by bit and by the time you felt two sets of hands pull you from the rubble, you made some throaty noises of relief. That was before the pain shot through your torso, down the length of your spine and into your legs.

A scream erupted from your throat you didn’t know you still had the strength for. Your ribs felt like they had been pulverized, your skin bruised and ripped, your muscles crushed, your bones broken.

Before you saw the evac team run in your direction the only thing you could hear was König´s raw, pleading voice. “Queeny, hold on. I know, Liebling. I know, I know it hurts. You´re going to be fine, mein Schatz. Bitte…” Your heart was screaming for him, wanting to let him know what you felt. What you had hidden away since the first time you saw him. What he truly meant to you. But your vision blurred. Blackness slowly creeping up on you as babbled, quiet pleas left his trembling lips. “Bitte…not her, please. ___, stay awake. Bleib bei mir, bitte! (Stay with me, please)”

The last thing you felt was his clammy hands leaving your body as Ghost and Soap both were needed to pull him away from you so the evac team could start their work. By the time you had lost consciousness, König was on his knees, bending over and screaming his devastation and helplessness into the concrete on which he had collapsed on. Both his arms now loosely hanging from Ghost´s and Soap´s grip standing next to him. Both men watching with empathy how their teammate broke and evac hurried you away before pulling König to his feet. “Get up, König. Come on, man! Start walking. She needs you” Soap said sternly as he pulled on König´s limp arm. He seemed to snap out of it and got up, forcing his long limbs to move and scramble after you.

Back in the helicopter the medics did everything they could to stabilize you. Throwing medical terms at each other and trying to stop your various injuries from bleeding. “She´s losing too much blood. Get me a transfusion. What´s her blood type?” One of the medics reached for your dog tags and inspected them. “O-negative” he said. “Fuck” another one said and reached for the transfusion bags. “We only have one bag left, that´s not going to be enough to get her to the hospital.”

König´s insides froze and nausea filled his stomach. Before he could dissolve into despair yet again though, Ghost caught his attention and patted his chest where his dog tags lay, pointing at König after doing so. Quickly, the Austrians gears kicked into motion and he spoke up.

“I ´m O-negative. Use my blood!” The medic´s head whipped around and he contemplated for only a second. “No other choice. Let me see your tags.” König kneeled down next to him and pulled at the chain around his neck. “O-negative, got it! When was your last check up?” König didn’t hesitate. “Right before this mission. Two weeks ago. Came back clean.” The medic seemed relieved and nodded. “Henderson, prepare a direct transfusion. Hurry.”

They managed to keep your heart beating until the heli landed on top of the nearest military hospital. You were ushered to the ER so quickly, König still had the needle stuck in his arm as he jumped out after you. Ghost and Soap had to hold him back yet again.

Hours later, König still sat in the waiting room in front of the doors of the ER. Hunched over and feeling so lost his whole body was minutes away from giving out on him. Ghost and Soap had been called back to base for a briefing with Captain Price. He was the one that ordered König to stay at the hospital and inform them regularly about your condition. The thing was, nobody bloody told him anything!

You´d been in the operating room for nearly six hours now and no nurse or doctor would give him any information. He was slowly going mad. He´d managed to overthink every single second of that morning when they first arrived on site. Were there signs of the explosive? Could he have seen it? How did they know they were going to be there? Why wasn´t it him on that operating table right now? Why? Why? Frustration consumed him at this point and angrily he pulled at his sniper hood, revealing his slightly too long auburn hair and smudged face. He couldn’t care less at this point.

His cold hands were still shaking by the time the doors opened again several hours later. 10 hours, 42 minutes to be exact. A very exhausted surgeon steered his way over to König. His hood fell from his hands to the ground in slow motion as he got up from the uncomfortable chair.

The surgeons eyes were rimmed with dark circles and he sighed deeply, ruffling his hair. “No” König whispered and tears sprung to his eyes immediately. “Nein, bitte nicht. Bitte nicht. (No, please no. Please no.)” His own hands grabbed the strands on his head. The hair you loved to ruffle, the hair that reminded you of the setting sun, you´d once said. “We managed to close the most dangerous wounds and stopped the inner bleeding. Patched up her broken leg. Her foot…her foot was difficult to repair. She´s going to need extensive physical therapy… if she wakes up. I´m sorry, we had to induce a coma. She´d lost so much blood that we fear her brain might have been without enough oxygen for too long. Only time and her own strength will tell now.”

“But…she´s alive?” König asked with a shaking voice. The surgeon nodded. “Yes, she´s alive. Breathing on her own as well. It´s a waiting game now.”

_____________________________________________________

And König waited. Waited days, weeks, months. Every free minute he could spare he spent at your side. Slowly watching your body heal and yet, the coma remained. He brought you flowers, read you stories and talked to you as much as he could. Somedays he just sat by your side and quietly let the tears fall. He missed you. He missed you with an intensity he never knew. His chest constricted every time he was sent on another mission and knew it would be several days until he saw you again. He missed your voice. Your funny little quips and encouraging words whenever his nervousness took hold of him again. You always had a way of calming him down.

It didn’t take him long to appreciate your beauty as well. How could he not? He was just a man. When you weren´t deployed, you spent your time together on base with training, reading, watching movies and drinking tea. He knew he had developed feelings for you when he noticed he couldn´t really spar with you anymore like he used to. He´d be more careful not to come at you too forcefully (a fact about which you had nearly ripped him a new one) and when he´d overwhelmed you yet again, pinning your frustratedly huffing body to the training mat, he´d realized with a stuttering pulse how warm your body was. How pliant and soft your flesh was, how your chest was heaving. He really tried to not make it a problem. Feelings in your line of work weren´t exactly a good idea. Teamwork and all that, sure. Could safe your ass. But romantic feelings were a problem.

To his despair he didn’t even have the time to tell you about his feelings. About how much they´d grown, how much you meant to him. He just wanted more time. If it meant he couldn’t work for the military anymore…he´d find something else. Maybe in the private sector…if it meant he could be with you. If it meant he had more time. But once again being caught in a dream world he was transported back into that hospital room. Quietly sobbing and dwarfing your hand in his while he watched your still sleeping form.

“They´re going to try and wake you up tomorrow, Liebling” he said with a tight voice, trying to smile. “They did some tests and your brain reactions seem to have stabilized.” König rubbed his thumb over your hand. He stood up, leaning over you. With careful fingers he stroked the side of your face lovingly. “You´re fighting so well, Queeny. You´re truly a warrior. So much more than any of us” his voice cracked at the end. He leaned down and pressed his tear streaked lips to your forehead, whispering against it. “Bitte, Queeny. Bitte komm zurück und sag´ mir jeden Tag, dass meine Haare zu lang werden. (Please, Queeny. Please come back and tell me every day that my hair is getting too long) I´ll do anything to hear your voice again.”

__________________________________________________________

The next day, König sat in the waiting room again, this time surrounded by Soap, Ghost and Price. None of them wanted to miss this. The doctors had given you the right medication to wake you up and now, everyone waited in various stages of nervousness. Ghost leaned against the wall stoically, his arms crossed over his massive chest. Price was reading some report to distract him, murmuring something under his breath and Soap sat a few chairs away from König, gnawing on his thumbnail. König however was a mess. At some point either Price´s, Ghost´s or Soap´s gaze were on him just to make sure he wouldn’t topple over.

His face was even paler than it usually was. His eyes red rimmed and deep dark purple shadows beneath them. No wonder, the man hadn’t slept properly in months. Price turned his head to him. The Captain was not at all unaware of what was going on with the younger soldier. Heavens he knew how difficult it was to maintain any kind of relationships within the military. And yes, his own marriage had made him more receptive to how König felt and how he could help him instead of telling him off. He couldn’t imagine having to deal with his wife being in a coma. He´d go insane. So he just reached out and patted König roughly on the shoulder. He didn’t much react except for a little hiccupping sound. Cold sweat was running down his neck while his hand shook like leaves.

After what felt like hours, one of the nurses came into the waiting area and König swallowed loudly, staring her down. She did seem a little nervous when she saw the intense stare with which he pinned her to the spot. “She´s asking for you, sir” she squeaked and nodded towards him. “That is, if you´re König?” A short breath escaped him quickly. “It worked?” he whispered disbelievingly. “She´s fine?” The nurse smiled and beckoned him to follow her. On shaky legs he tried to put one foot in front of the other.

Inside your room, several doctors made sure your reflexes were normal and your breathing stable. You felt so groggy. Your memory only coming back in little pieces. An explosion, rubble, smoke, pain.

“König” you whispered for the sixth time since you woke up. “He´ll be here shortly. Focus on breathing” the doctor said in a calm voice. “Your vitals look very good,___. You´ll need a lot of rest but you pulled through.”

You nodded your head. You´re alive. Alive. Able to speak, to move, if very sluggishly. König.

The door opened and there he was. His huge frame coming through the door, ducking slightly when he stepped through the doorframe. He looked horrible and your heart squeezed for your love. You held out your hand to him. “Stand up straight” you croaked with a dry throat and smiled. You only saw a whirl of auburn, pale skin and black clothing before he was leaning over you holding your face in between his shaking hands. “Queeny” he breathed. “You came back, mein Schatz.” His tears fell down the tip of his nose. You lay a hand on his and smiled up at him. “Don´t cry, König. I´m here. I´m here, my love.” A strangled sob escaped him as he carefully sat down next to you on the bed and buried his face in your neck. The doctors and nurses had all left at this point. You tried to calm him down as best you could. Humming melodies and stroking his hair soothingly.

Minutes later his tears vanished and he sat up again, looking at you a little embarrassed. You just grinned a little and stroked his face. “Missed you” you said. He took a deep breath and nodded. “Me too, Liebling. Missed you so much. I´m so happy you´re back. I was so worried” König´s eyes were trained on your face. Your heart swelled. “I´m sorry, mein Großer (my big boy). I´m sorry I worried you. I should´ve-“ “No” he said resolutely and leaned his forehead against yours, breathing you in. “You fought for months, Queeny. You fought your way back! What happened was not your fault.” Your own eyes stung with tears. “It was nobodies fault” you said. “König, I was so scared. I was so scared I wouldn’t get to tell you.” He lifted his head again looking at you wondrously. He nodded in understanding. The way you looked at him had no other outcome than you having the same feelings. He swallowed. “Tell me now” he whispered in a hopeful voice.

“I love you” you said with all the truth in your heart. He looked like a massive boulder had been removed from his chest and he was breathing for the first time. Touching every single inch of skin on your face with shaking fingertips he nodded and again tears fell down his cheeks. When you wiped them away he said “Me too. I love you so much, mein Engel.”

With that you pulled him down by his neck and kissed him happily. He responded in kind immediately, a little groan escaping his mouth. His soft lips on yours, you felt like the whole world could just bugger off. This was all you needed. All you wanted. This gentle giant kissing you so lovingly and with such care it almost felt like not enough. “König” you whispered against his lips. “König, I´m not made of sugar. Fuckin´ kiss me.”

With your permission he grabbed the back of your neck and pressed his lips so desperately onto yours, you finally felt alive. He opened his mouth slightly and not hesitating you pushed your tongue against bis lower lip. König whined as he tangled his tongue with yours, really kissing you with earnest and all the relieve he felt. “I love you” he said between kisses. “Queeny, ich liebe dich. (I love you) I want to be with you no matter what it takes. I´m yours.”

Your arms wound themselves around his torso as a tear ran down the side of your face.

A throat cleared itself from the doorway and reluctantly König detached from you. He threw a nasty look over his shoulder but pulled up his shoulders when he saw his Captain and Teammates were standing at the foot of your bed. They too wore very relieved expressions.

“Glad you´re alright,___” your Captain said with his signature smile. You laughed lightly and sent a watery smile and many thank you´s towards your Team. All the while König was still holding you, looking at you adoringly. “You´ll need extensive physical therapy, the doc said” Price continued. You nodded your head. Price saw the change in you. He wasn’t exactly thrilled at what was coming but he understood completely. He warned Soap and Ghost beforehand. “With all due respect, Captain. Ghost, Soap….” You took König´s hand in yours and looked up at him smiling brightly. He had a confused expression on his face but grinned none the less, showing his canines. You turned back to your Team, smiling happily and shrugging a little bit.

“I quit.”

_______________________________________________________

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed :)

I would be very happy if you´d react to this post. Likes, Comments and reblogs are always appreciated and loved. Thank you so much <3

[firsttimewriter92]

My haven could be you

Joel Miller x f!reader Part 2, Part 3

Summary: Tommy´s brother arrives in Jackson and turnes your hormones upside down. Unbeknownst to you, your mere presence makes Joel absolutely feral.

Word count: 4.235

Warnings: angst, small panick attack, pining, feelings, hidden desire, dirty talk, masturbation (male and female), pining, cursing, MINORS DNI!!!

Authors note: I was playing around with this idea of Joel going nuts because he doesn´t know what to do with his feelings and his desires. I hope I made it as juicy as I imagined it to be :P

The moment you arrived in Jackson the weight that´d pulled your shoulders down and forward lifted almost instantly. You couldn’t believe it was actually real. A functioning society, running water, supplies, regular hot meals. As long as everyone pulled their weight, this place was paradise. Even if someone didn’t have particular skills, there was always something to help with. So after resting and healing your weather-beaten and all in all almost broken body, the usual knot in your stomach returned with force and you went to find Tommy and Maria. You found them having a bowl of stew in the big community barn.

“I want to help” you said with a tight voice and looked directly at them. They shared a questioning look before Tommy answered. “We appreciate your vigor,___. It´s just…are you sure you´re up for it yet? How´s your foot?” he nodded towards your right shoe. Your lips formed a tight line. You knew your foot wasn’t fully healed yet. “It´s fine” you said lowly, still holding Tommy´s eyes. He sighed and his lips twitched slightly upwards. “It´s fine, huh?” he leaned forward onto his elbows. “When the Doc took a look at it when you arrived I distinctly remember him saying you needed to take it slow for at least two weeks. And it´s been, what? Four days?” Why was he smirking? The knot in your stomach began to burn uncomfortably.

“Tommy…please,” you started to plead, you patience waring thinner and thinner. “I can´t sit around anymore without doing anything to be helpful. I can look after the horses, I can help cook or harvest the gardens. I can….I can´t keep eating your food, taking your medication and taking up space without…without at least paying something back!” You didn’t even realise when the panting began. Swallowing big gulps of air, your pulse ran amok underneath your skin.

“Whoa, hey. Hold on” Tommy quickly stood by your side and helped your shaking body onto a chair. Without realizing it you began to pick at your knuckles again. Angry red marks appearing yet again. “___, breath. It´s okey. We´ll find something for you, don’t worry. Come on, breath. That´s it.” It was a small attack but still it had an effect. Tommy looked worriedly at you while Maria got up to get a glass of water. His hand lay itself calmly and warm onto your neck while you tried to control your breathing again. When Maria handed you the glass of water you tried to smile at her briefly and mumbled a quiet sorry. She shook her head vehemently and patted your head.

“I didn’t mean to be condescending,___. Really” Tommy said gently. You shook your head quickly. “That´s not…I didn’t think you were. I just…I need to pull my weight” you whispered almost desperately. Tommy nodded and smiled at you. “Okey. Let´s get you something to eat and then we´ll talk, alright? We´ll find you something, sweetheart.”

You gave a grateful smile when he returned with a steaming bowl and sat it in front of you. Having held back on how much you ate in the last couple of days, the delicious smell that invaded your nose made you dig in immediately, burning your whole mouth in the process. Hissing slightly you gave Tommy and Maria a sheepish look as they grinned.

“You know” Tommy said slowly while you eyes took him in. His eyes looked at you fondly. “You remind me of someone. He´s just as hardheaded, stubborn and eager to help as you.” His fond smile turned slightly bitter. “At least he used to be.” You raised your eyebrows in question. “My brother” Tommy explained with a sigh. “Haven´t seen him in ages but…you two have a lot in common.” Swallowing your mouthful of stew you gave him a smirk. “Seems like a reasonable character, your brother.” Tommy threw his head back and laughed throatily. “Yeah” he mused and looked at you amused.

“Yeah, you two would get along great.”

________________________________________________________

One year. One beautiful, blissful year in Jackson and you were your old self again. Sure, some of the worries that lingered in the back of your head would never really disappear but the knot in your stomach, the panic…it had been months since the last time you felt either. You were happy. The people of Jackson helped each other out wherever they could. Monty helped you renovate your kitchen and made sure your stove was working. In return you helped out at the school for three days so his wife could have some time off. Lauren fixed all your ripped clothes and even knitted you some sweaters for the winter. And again in return you helped her with making different kinds of pickles and jerky. That´s how it worked and you loved it. Community. No one needed to be alone.

Tommy and Maria made sure you had a comfortable little flat right above the bakery. They even gave you a small patch of land on which you grew several different kinds of herbs and flowers. Not just for cooking purposes but also some that were helpful with small medical issues. You had a good life. It was warm in winter, in summer there was running water and a small lake.

On one particular nasty winter day you were just on your way to the big kitchen in the community barn to help out when a small commotion caught your attention. The patrol was back but there were two more people riding through the gates. Your eyes caught onto a young girl with brown hair and a stoic expression. Her head however snapped from left to right when she took Jackson in for the first time. You smiled. You knew how she felt exactly. The other person was a man. Slightly greying brown hair and a patchy beard. His dark eyes moved quickly over the gathering crowd as the horses halted and the men and women got off. When the mans eyes twitched in your direction they zeroed in on you for longer than a few seconds. They looked surprised and confused.

He was handsome. Very handsome in fact and you could feel your cheeks heat up but you tried quickly to make it the biting colds fault. It seemed like several minutes that he held your gaze. Unwavering and confusing. He was definitely older than you but you couldn’t help but notice his beautiful features and big frame. Attraction. You felt immediate attraction towards him and your heart began to pound in your chest like it hadn’t done in years. Something searing began to crawl into his expressive eyes when he slowly tore his gaze from you.

Cold. When his eyes left you, you felt cold again instantly and shivered for several reasons all at once. How strange. And then to your shock and delight, the mysterious, gorgeous stranger got off his horse with a shout of Tommy´s name. No way, you thought. It´s his brother. The one Tommy had told you about several times and whos stories that he told you made you giggle or outright snort with laughter. Joel.

As you saw the two bothers embrace in happiness and relieve you couldn’t help but smile as well, happy for your friend.

And then you saw it. Joy made itself onto Joel´s face. It was like the sun was breaking through heavy clouds in early spring. Bringing with it a form of hope for better weather, warmer days, prosperity and abundance. He smiled and you immediately felt your knees weaken when the laugh lines around his eyes appeared. He huffed out a laugh and then pulled his brother back into his arms, still grinning.

An unfamiliar sensation spread through your body when you saw Joel like this. You´d seen him for the first time just two minutes before and yet his smile seemed like the most precious thing in this broken world. It warmed your toes and fingertips, made your heart go ballistic and your brain felt like it was vibrating in your skull. You knew you were staring at him but you couldn’t help it even if you wanted to.

“He doesn’t always smile like that, you know.” Screeching you jumped half a meter to the side and looked confusedly over to the young girl that had crept up on you. She was grinning from ear to ear and wiggled her eyebrows. “Huh?” you said lamely. She rolled her eyes but was still smirking. “You were staring at him like you´ve never seen a man before” she giggled. “Pretty pathetic.”

You raised your eyebrows at her choice of words. “First of all: Rude!” you pointed at her. “At least give me your name before you call me pathetic.” She looked to the ground and kicked a frozen piece of mud away. “Ellie” she said and looked at you again sheepishly. You smiled slightly. “Ellie” you repeated. “Second of all” you dared to look over to Joel and Tommy quickly. Tommy was talking to his brother animatedly but his brothers eyes were trained on the two of you. Heat reached your face again when you whipped your head around and continued. “I wasn’t staring. Just…looking.”

Ellie snorted sarcastically. “Aha. Yea, sure. Hey, Joel!” A little panicked sound made its way up your throat when Ellie raised her arms and gestured wildly towards the two men, beckoning them over. Tommy caught your eyes and pulled Joel with him to meet you. A huge shit eating grin on his lips.

When the two of them were standing right in front of you, you saw that Joel had only a couple of inches on you. His expression was still curious but a little careful as well. He turned his head towards Ellie and raised his eyebrow in question. Oh boy…

“Joel, look. I already met someone. Please, meet…uhm…” Ellie began to chuckle. “Can you believe it? She didn’t give me her name yet” her head turned towards you and with a smug expression she continued. “How rude.” Your mouth dropped open and all you could think was little shithead. Though in the next moment you realized that your thoughts were anything but hostile towards the quick mouthed teenager. It was impressive, really. She winked at you and took several steps back and moved towards Tommy so Joel´s attention was now fully on you.

Your eyes met again and with an embarrassed chuckle you extended your hand. “I´m ___. You must be Joel. Tommy´s told be a lot about you.” He shook your gloved hand with his own and again raised his eyebrow making your stomach twist with excitement. “Has he now?” he rumbled. His voice deep and smooth reminded you of honey. His eyes twitched towards his brother for a second but returned quickly to look back into yours.  A slither of mischief making his dark irises glitter. “Only good things I hope?” His mouth twitched a little and you were about to melt on the spot. “I´m just goin´ to say yes for now” you said with a grin. Joels eyes squinted as if he tried not to smile.

A few feet away, Ellie and Tommy stood side by side, observing the two of you. “Wow” Ellie said and wrinkled her nose is mock disgust. “That´s actually way too cheesy for my taste. Jesus Christ.” Tommy too was staring at the scene in front of him wondering when the last time was he saw that expression on his brothers face. “Yeah,” he said slowly. “What happened to him?” Ellie shrugged. “The fuck if I know, man. Never seen him acting like that. They should get a room.” Tommy looked at the teenager. “Let´s not jump to conclusions. Maybe it´s just a glitch in the matrix.” Ellie looked at Tommy as if he´d just turned into a unicorn. “A glitch in the what now?” Tommy sighed and shook his head. His gaze returned to his brother and you, his friend, watching as the two of you held a small conversation without realising that none of you had let go of the others hand yet.

____________________________________________________________

Weeks flew by incredibly fast. Tommy had given Ellie and Joel one of the bigger houses and you had a feeling that at least Ellie was growing more and more comfortable in Jackson. She found some friends that didn’t mind her swearing and actually saw it for what it was, she helped out at the stables and always had a smile or a wink for you whenever you passed her in the streets. Joel however seemed to have some difficulty to settle down. Relax. He would go out on patrols whenever he could and mostly kept to himself. He did however have at least one meal a day at the barn. Most of the time dinner. He was usually accompanied by Tommy or Ellie, ate his meal, maybe had some whisky and then got back to his house. Your eyes would wander after him more times than one and you couldn’t help but wish for him to relax a bit more, enjoy the safety Jackson provided. You wanted to know him more.

It was almost laughable how quickly you had developed a massive crush on the handsome brunette. You felt yourself sigh from time to time when your eyes were once again trained on his neck, the curls on his head, his greying beard or his wide shoulders. There was an unusual attraction to him. Something that went further than mere physical reactions to a pretty face. It was quite strange. Especially because you knew exactly what it was. You had crushes before but they almost always only ended in physical outbursts for one or maybe several nights. And then there was either a parting of ways, a fleeting of attraction or even death. None of them devastated you though.

The way your gaze would flit to the gates whenever he was out and the constant nerves that pulsed through your body until you saw him return made you second guess yourself this time around though. You worried about him. You cared about how he felt. You even caught yourself whishing you could be the reason he would be happier in Jackson. Wishful thinking. After your initial meeting and some mundane conversations here and there, he´d taken no other actions to get to know you. His answers were one worded, his small smiles didn’t reach his eyes and you hadn’t seen him look at you once since that day when he and Ellie arrived. It was slowly driving you nuts.

So there you sat at the bar, nursing a glass of whisky and staring after the man that had just left the barn yet again. He´d worn a black shirt and a light flannel over it as the weather was slowly getting warmer. The way the material had hugged his waist and slight tummy pouch almost made you whimper with need. The alcohol coursing through you didn’t make it any better. You closed your eyes momentarily and there he was, looking at you with pure desire in his eyes. That´s it!

You threw back the rest of your drink and got up from the bar. Waving at different familiar faces you lightly stumbled outside and took some deep breaths of the still winter crisp air. Turning down the road towards your flat you felt the desire in your belly boil stronger and stronger. A small high pitched grunt escaped your throat as you forced your jelly like legs to move faster. You needed something to release the tension tonight. And the one thing you wanted more than anything to release it was not obtainable at the time. So, you had no choice than to do it yourself. You stumbled up the flight of stairs at the side of the bakery building and clumsily fished out your keys.

Once the door was closed behind you, you kicked off your shoes and stumbled into your living room overlooking the town square below. Soft light from the streetlamp offered enough light to find your cosy couch. Flopping down on it you immediately lifted your hips and got rid of the denim. Getting rid of the rest of your clothes you were a panting, desperate mess the moment you lay your body back onto the couch and got comfortable. The moment your fingertips brushed over your nipple you knew this wouldn’t take long. Your insides already clamped down around nothing by the time your hand brushed over your mound.

Images of Joel invaded your mind without you having a chance to stop them. You imagined his wide shoulders above you, his calloused hands brushing against the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs. Whimpering and biting your lip you pinched your nipple again and lightly tapped your clit. Your legs shook and tried to close around your hand already but you forced them open again. The slightly cold air of your apartment stroking your wet and heated lips, making goosebumps appear all over your arms. “Fuck” you whispered out of breath. Your finger circling your clit faster and faster while your hips bucked upwards. Throwing your head back you felt the coil in your stomach. Just a little more.

“Fuck, please” you breathed while pushing two fingers inside of you. “Oh shit, oh shit. Ahh, Joel! Fuck. Fuck, please.” Your wrist began to hurt a little the way you so quickly tried to get to that sweet release. You screwed your eyes shut when you felt your orgasm approaching. A few hurried strokes over your clit later, combined with a hefty circling of your stiffened nipple a small shout left your lips. Your back arching into your hand as your body convulsed with Joels voice in your ears. That´s a wonderful girl. That´s it, baby, come on. Come for me, come for me! “Oh god….oh fuck!!” It seemed to go on forever. Several moments later you were still twitching and a strangely sad yet satisfied heaviness washed over you. The itch was halfway gone but you knew you had to do something about your feelings for Joel. This was getting a little out of hand and he didn’t even know about his effect on you. With a heavy sigh and still a bit tipsy you blindly reached for your blanket und pulled it up to your chin, falling asleep almost instantly.

Several houses down the road Joel was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands trying yet again to get the images of you out of his head. The images that where currently the reason for his raging erection that he couldn’t seem to be able to control. Hissing when your sweet innocent smile appeared behind his eyelids and his dick pressed even more against his zipper, he grunted and covered it with one of his hands. This was getting ridiculous. Damn coward, he was. The moment he lay his eyes on you there was something aching in his chest. An itch he couldn’t remember ever having. It wasn’t just sexual. Although he gave up on counting how often he´d already touched himself for just a tiny bit of relief whenever he´d been in your presence.

He felt dirty. Not just because you were probably a good chunk younger than him but because he felt his resolve and patience crumble by the day. He already tried his hardest to not be close to you, to not finally snap, pull you into an alley, hoist you up and kissing you neck. Not to hear your sweet whimpers when he´d finally touch you, caress your silky skin and pant praises into your ear.

“Fucking hell” he grunted and once again gave up on not relieving himself from the tortures pleasure you enveloped him in day after day. He pulled his shirt over his head, stood and kicked his jeans away. Clad in only his boxers he lay down on his bed and once again tried to take control over his body. To no avail. The moment his eyes closed he could see your glittering eyes, you enticing mouth. The beautiful shape of your body making his head spin every time he saw it. You´d worn a V-neck top today. The gently slope of your collarbone burned into his memory. The perfect swell of your chest more revealed than he´d ever saw it.

His hand brushed his bulge and he clenched his jaw shut, pulling his boxers down. His erection hitting his lower stomach gently he could already feel the wetness of precum smudging the angry red tip. Joel drifted away. Thinking about your body underneath his own he began to stroke his cock languidly. His toes already curling slightly he thought about how you´d react to his body. His slight squishiness. Did you like that? Or did you prefer stone hard muscles? He wasn’t weak by any means but age had slowly begun to wrap its fingers around him. Imagining you´d find him as irresistible as he found you, his thumb moved over the slit, gathering the wetness there and circling it around the head.

A deep rumble echoed in his room as he opened his mouth slightly. “God, sweetheart” he breathed as he could feel the heat travel up his spine. Squeezing his cock harder and moving his hand faster up and down he felt a drop of sweat run down his neck. He imagined licking your neck, kissing your pulse point and gently biting at your ear. The sound of your sweet whimpering and breathless pleads invaded his mind. It drove him closer and closer to his end. Where you quiet in bed or would you voice your desires to him? Oh how he hoped you´d do that. He wanted nothing more than to know what made you feel good, worshipped, wanted. Loved.

By the end of that thought he almost lost all control as he felt his balls tighten. Jesus, when was the last time that feelings like returned affection got him going this hard? He was panting by now and murmuring into the darkness. “What do you like, baby, huh? T-tell me.” He gasped when he squeezed the base of his cock hard as to not come too quickly. “Bet you like my tongue, don’t you? Bet you like it when I explore every inch of you with just the tip of it.” Goosebumps covered his whole body at this point and he felt like he was drunk. His head was reeling with every possibility of having you scream his name. “I bet you have the most sensitive nipples, don’t you? Oh fuck! Hggnn…h-how long has it been for you, darlin´? God, I bet y-you´re sensitive all over. Oh, good god. Oh, fuck.” He tried to keep his voice under control but it was shaking and rough.

One hand moved to his mouth and he quickly spit in it. Still moving his other hand up and down on his shaft he covered the head with his slick palm and began lifting his hips with every stroke. He was completely gone at that point. Huffing and moaning he began to fuck his own hand imagining his hips slotted between your legs and looking down at his cock disappearing into your wet and hot pussy again and again. A high monotone sound rushed through his ears as he got lost in the sensation and imagination of fucking you deep into his mattress.

“Ah, shit, baby. That´s it. So fucking warm. Hmmpf, wanna feel you so bad, wanna make you cum for me so bad. P-Please,___. ´M coming. Fuck, fuck,___. ´M coming, c-comi…com…HMMPHH!!” His hips lifted off the bed the moment he felt an overwhelming orgasm crush into him, making him groan and releasing pent up air quickly and loudly. Still gently tugging on his spent cock he rested his head onto his pillow and tried to calm down. His heart almost beat out of his chest as he registered his sticky cum not only covered his hand but had also landed on his stomach and chest. After several minutes he grunted and got up. He walked into his bathroom and turned on the shower.

As the hot water cascaded over his shoulders, back and ass, dribbling down his strong legs he tried to make a plan on how to approach this problem he had with you. Not that it actually was a problem but he couldn’t go on like this. He needed to solve this somehow. Problem was, he hadn’t found himself in this kind of situation with these kinds of feelings in over 20 years.

Either you put him out of his misery or, for some unforeseen, ridiculous reason you desired him too. Wanted to see him smile just as much as he wanted to see you smiling every second of every day.

Grow a pair and at least next time stay long enough to have a drink with her, he scolded himself. It was a start. Tomorrow. Tomorrow was Marias birthday celebration at the barn. He actually hadn’t planed on going, seeing as Maria didn’t really seem very fond of him yet but…you´d be there. You´d be there and it would be a party of sorts. He´d get you a drink. He´d try to have a conversation with you. He´d try, damn it. Maybe Jackson was his new beginning with Ellie.

Maybe Jackson was his new haven…with you.

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