genderfluidityfornewbies

[genderfluidityfornewbies]

How to start a GSA

As a part of the LGBTQ+ community, I often feel like I lack places where I can really be myself, and express the queer part of me. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, we, queer people, are put into circumstances and situations where these ‘safe places’ don’t already exist. We are discriminated against, told that we already have too much media coverage (which we don’t), or even bullied and harassed about our identities. That is why having something like a GSA (gay-straight alliance, also known as a gender-sexuality alliance) is so, so critical. 

If you or someone you know is looking to start one, here are some tips I have from my personal experiences. 

1. Don’t worry about how many people will join. I was really stressed about this, because I was at a middle school with a lot of homophobes/anti-LGBTQ+ people, both students and teachers. My GSA was really tiny in the beginning - just me and three other students. But the important thing isn’t how many people join you, it’s about the kinds of people that join you. People who are closeted. People who are out, and want to meet others like them. People who are just really great allies. Even if it is only you to start with, with time and good advertisement, you WILL get more people to join. It’s easier said than done, but just have patience and try to talk to people in the meantime and recruit them. 

2. Advertise well. It is critical that you spread the word about your GSA, because if you don’t, your impact on your setting (school, university, town, etc.) will be minimal. You can make really simple posters, either drawn from hand or created electronically. For example, I used sketch.io because it’s free, and you can draw and add photos or text. I also recommend that you send emails, because that way a lot more people will see your cause, and you can get a lot more interest/participants that way. You can also create a blog or Instagram page, where you share what your GSA is up to, and post any upcoming events. Social media has saved a lot of queer ass. Believe me. 

3. Get a supervisor. When I say ‘supervisor’, I am being a bit vague. If you go to a middle or high school, you will most likely have to have a teacher’s permission to start a club. In a lot of cases, the teacher/adult has to be in the room, especially for younger students. You should cautiously proceed, as a lot of adults aren’t yet accepting. First of all, mention the LGBTQ+ community to the teacher in mind, and see what their views are. Ask them, even, if they support it. If so, tell them your ideas for the GSA. If not, find another person. Worst comes to worse, you can always make the club an after-school thing, or for the weekend instead, if finding a staff member isn’t possible or convenient. If you get lucky and find a person to be the ‘supervisor’, make sure they are confidential and won’t reveal your participants’ information, as a lot of people will still be closeted for personal or safety reasons. If you don’t want the teacher in the same room, kindly ask them if they can be outside, and explain why it would be best to have a students-only club. 

4. Be explicit about the rules. Especially with simple things such as ‘respect everyone’, and ‘be kind’, or ‘be a listener’, make sure that everyone in your GSA 100% knows the rules by heart. And if they violate them, don’t give too many chances. Rule-breakers, in my opinion, only get one second chance. If they make people uncomfortable, or disobey you/the leader of the GSA, kick them out. Even within the queer community, I have noticed quite a few people out others, meaning they tell other people about a person’s identity, without that person consenting or knowing about it. Most of the time, the people doing the outing don’t realize that it can be harmful. After all, it’s exciting to get to know lots of LGBTQ+ people and tell them all about your friends’ identities, right? Not exactly; it really depends on the situation. ALWAYS be sure to ask every member in your GSA about their in-the-closet status. You can have them fill out a sheet. For example:

What are your pronouns/what is your sexual orientation/what is your gender?

Is it appropriate to refer to you as such in the GSA?

Is it appropriate to refer to you as such outside the GSA?

Can I refer to you as such in emails to the school?

Can I refer to you as such in emails/when speaking to your parents?

Are you comfortable with being a poster child for our Instagram/Blog? 

5. Have lots of activities. You should definitely have an agenda (pun intended) for your GSA. Make sure to start with icebreakers, and have everyone introduce themselves. (E.g. name, pronouns, why they joined, and their favorite hobby/book/movie/animal.) Play a quick game, eat some snacks, talk about the GSA’s rules and the plan for the next meeting. Also, when planning future meetings, include lots of different types of activities. The possibilities are endless. Watch movies/tv shows with queer representation. Read novels and discuss them like you’re in a book club. Pick an issue that effects the community, and talk about it. Have a debate. Raise money for your club with a bake sale or some kind of fundraising run. Write poetry/songs. Play charades or pictionary. Create mood boards/collages with everyone’s ideal looks/outfits. It doesn’t all have to be serious, and while it is important to be activists and try to raise awareness, you should also be having fun, and getting to know the other members. A GSA exists so that LGBTQ+ people can meet other LGBTQ+ people. Basically, have fun. 

6. Speak up, but know when to call it quits. While activism and raising awareness are critical and important for a GSA, it can become too much for some people. It’s okay to take a break, or stop having meetings. Especially if someone’s identity or safety is jeopardized. You can always come back to it, but don’t force it. 

7. Study. Finally, read up on anything you don’t know much about. This can be new pronouns, identities, or movements that you hadn’t heard of prior to joining/founding the GSA. Always do your research, and accept that you will be wrong about some things. In the end, it doesn't matter how much vocabulary you know, or how researched you are in every LGBTQ+ issue. What matters is that you are trying, and making an effort to use everyone’s preferred names/pronouns, and trying to learn more. If you try, you can’t go wrong. 

Hopefully these tips helped! Good luck everyone. You can always message me if you have more questions.

[genderfluidityfornewbies]

Personal Experiences

Being genderfluid isn’t easy. In fact, it’s really, really hard. Or at least it was for me. This post is about my personal experience of discovering I was genderfluid, coming out, and my ongoing path of self-discovery. 

So, who am I? Well, I’m a nerd. An American. A traveler. An advocate for equality. A writer. A pansexual. But yeah, I’m also genderfluid. 

I didn’t always know. (And that’s important. Even if you didn’t always know either, or you still don’t know, you are valid.)

I am a biological female, meaning (assigned female at birth, A.K.A. AFAB) I have all the genitalia of a woman, secondary sex-characteristics, I get my period every month because I’m still young, but more importantly, I look like society’s interpretation of what  a girl looks like. My parents always liked to dress me up when I was younger, and I wore dresses to nice events, always got compliments like, “oh, you’re so beautiful”, “you are so polite”, etc. But I got the flip side of those comments too, like, “oh, you eat so much, like a guy”, “you’re smart, for a girl”, “no, no, let the guys carry the table, you can just stand there with your mom”.  And I know, trust me, being a girl is hard. It sucks sometimes, even, because people don’t expect you to be strong, smart, or care about a lot of issues. For example, robotics - I was on the team for two entire years, and I didn’t even get a good position because there were thirty guys and only four girls. A lot of these stereotypes about girls got me thinking, maybe I don’t like being perceived this way. (And you don’t have to be genderfluid to think that.) I am strong. I am highly intelligent. 

For a while I was really confused and torn about my gender. I like dressing up sometimes - school dances for example, I like wearing a long flowy dress with makeup and being told I’m gorgeous. Some days, I stare at myself if I’m wearing a crop top or a bikini and think, damn, I’m a hot girl. 

But then there are the days where I don’t want to be a girl. I just… don’t. Some days, I feel androgynous, gender-neutral. Those days are weird because I don’t use they/them pronouns (if you use them that is great; I just don’t because I personally only relate to she/her or he/him). I just wanna be me for me. Y’know? Just a nonbinary, genderless nerd. 

Days when I feel like a guy might be the hardest. At least right now, I don’t want any kind of surgery to change my appearance, because I do like looking like a girl sometimes. I’m actually lucky because my jawline is pretty sharp and I don’t have big breasts so I can get away looking androgeynous/masculine without a binder or makeup to alter my jawline. (Just me, again. You are VALID if you use binders/makeup/appearances to showcase your gender identity, and you are VALID if you do not!) I like to wear a hoodie, band tees, vests, trousers, blazers, etc. when I am male/masculine. But it completely sucks if it’s summer and all I brought on my trip is a bunch of bikinis and dresses, or if I have my period and don’t feel like a dude on the outside. Ugh. 

Anyway, so when I was in middle school I realized I was having these thoughts, these feelings. I knew I wasn’t one gender or the other. I knew I was switching in between, feeling like a different one each day. (I’d say right now I’m 60% female, 30% gender neutral/a mixture of genders, and 10% male.)  I talked to my school counselor a lot about it - I was really lucky because she was super inclusive and when I first came out to her, I was really scared, but she was great and let me spend a lot of time in her office. (This was great because I happened to live in a rural part of the U.S. where there were a lot of people who hated genderfluidity and the LGBTQ+ community, and made it hard for me to come out.) I wanted to tell my parents I was genderfluid, but I was scared because it is a relatively new concept for their generation to grasp (even though genderfluidity dates back to ancient times). So I sat on it. 

Then… Pinterest. I love Pinterest. I liked looking at genderfluid memes, culture, fashion, etc. But I found a LOT more information there on transgender, specifically transguys (female to male, A.K.A. FTM). And coincidentally, I had a week or two during the winter where I felt totally like a dude. So I kind-of thought I was a transguy because my gender hadn’t changed in a while, and I came out as a transguy to my parents. Oof. It was not the right label for me. But how could I know?

My parents got me a gender therapist before I came out to anyone else. I absolutely love talking to her - highly recommend it. (There are a lot of online services like her’s that you can use.) And she helped me realize I’m not necessarily one gender, I am all of them. I am none of them. Sometimes, I like being a girl, being perceived as such. And other times, I like being a guy, or not any gender, or many at once. 

I switched schools, and for high school, I was nervous. I wanted to be me, dress how I like, tell people. I was really, really afraid they wouldn’t like me. But guess what? I was honest, and I found a group of people who support my genderfluidity. Even a few teachers who could understand me. 

There are pros and cons to coming out. If you aren’t safe, don’t do it. But I was lucky because I wasn’t in any danger. So for me, coming out was probably one of the best decisions, because now I know who my real friends are. 

My journey isn’t over. It’s still hard. Sometimes, I don’t even know if my gender is valid. And my sexuality is a very separate story. But it’s okay, because now I have a support system. And that is what I hope to be to all you Tumblr readers. 

[genderfluidityfornewbies]

Resources

[I post infrequently. I acknowledge that tumblr is a great resource for lgbtq+ youth, but since I am not frequent, I wanted to provide my lgbtq+ homies with inclusive hotlines, articles, and general resources that can be used as well. These are a list of hotlines I have used/heard about that hopefully are good. Please let me know if you can think of ones that you like to use.] 

Crisis: 

U.S. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

U.S. National Crisis Hotline: https://www.nami.org/Advocacy/Policy-Priorities/Responding-to-Crises/National-Hotline-for-Mental-Health-Crises-and-Suicide-Prevention

U.S. National Trans Crisis Hotline: https://translifeline.org/hotline/

International Hotlines: https://ibpf.org/resource/list-of-international-suicide-hotlines/

Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

 Articles: 

Coming out: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships_sexual_identity_etc/becoming_out_a_totally_nonexhaustive_step_by_step_guide_to

How to start a GSA: https://gsanetwork.org/resources/10-steps-for-starting-a-gsa/

Transgender (applicable to other lgbtq+ identies) support at schools: https://www.hrc.org/resources/schools-in-transition-a-guide-for-supporting-transgender-students-in-k-12-s

Inclusive language: https://lgbt.umd.edu/good-practices-inclusive-language

Tips for supportive parents: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth

Religion and LGBTQ+ communities: https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/religion-and-spirituality/

How to express yourself: https://queer-voices.com/how-to-express-your-queer-identity/

How to deal with discrimination: https://www.mvorganizing.org/how-do-you-respond-to-discrimination/

 Sex-ed: 

Scarleteen: https://www.scarleteen.com/

Planned Parenthood: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/

Dating advice: https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/gay-dating-advice/lgbtq-relationships/

 Apps: 

*Better Stop Suicide

*Worry Kit

*Wysa

*#SelfCare

 Books: 

LBGTQ+ Guided Workbook: https://www.amazon.com/LGBTQ-Youth-Workbook-Orientation-Identity/dp/1683731387/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=sexual+orientation+books&qid=1626899110&sr=8-6

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: https://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Community/dp/0199325359/ref=sr_1_1?crid=QTYCB5TSJ7ZX&dchild=1&keywords=trans+bodies+trans+selves&qid=1626898971&sprefix=transbodies%2Caps%2C221&sr=8-1

Transgender Teen: https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=transgender+books&qid=1626899081&sr=8-6

Dating Smarts, What Every Teen Needs to Date, Relate Or Wait: https://www.amazon.com/Dating-Smarts-Every-Needs-Relate/dp/1502439646/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=teen+dating+books&qid=1626898990&sr=8-4

S.E.X.: https://www.amazon.com/X-second-All-You-Need-Know-Sexuality/dp/0738218847/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=scarleteen&qid=1626899033&sr=8-1

More Than Two: https://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-Practical-Polyamory/dp/0991399706/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=more+than+two&qid=1626899170&sr=8-1

 YouTube Channels: 

*PinkNews

*Jammidodger

*Jazz Jennings

*GirlfriendsTV

 Surveys: 

GLSEN: https://www.glsen.org/2021-national-school-climate-survey

Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2020/?section=Conversion-Therapy-Change-Attempts

Quotev: (lots of fun non-serious surveys)

Hope these are helpful!

[genderfluidityfornewbies]

Genderfluidity: A Primer

All the insider tips on genderfluidity for guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! Questioning? Ally? Genderfluid? This is the guide I wish I’d had before coming out. 

What this blog includes: 

* my personal experiences being genderfluid in middle and high school

* general info/resources for gender and sexual orientation

* genderfluid memes (all in good fun)

* rants

* how to start a GSA/make your own school/community more inclusive

* how to tolerate homophobic/transphobic BS

* genderfluid tips for expression and appearance

* tips for being your true self (If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell ‘you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?)