grotesque-illusion - Tumblr blog

[grotesque-illusion]

traitors. all of you. every single one of you

[grotesque-illusion]

🪷If it feels like the darkness is closing in, know that it’s okay to acknowledge the shadows. It’s okay to feel scared or uncertain, but remember, even the longest night gives way to dawn. Hold on to the hope that brighter days are coming, and don’t be afraid to ask for a light to guide you through🪷

idk who sent this over, but thank you????? appreciate it lots 🖤❤️

[grotesque-illusion]

I feel you anon </3 if you see this let me know your username!! I'd love to attack you

HPD culture is participating in artfight and thinking “why has no one attacked me tons of other people are getting attacks” on the first day of the fight as if there’s not more time to get them

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[grotesque-illusion]

If anyone has sum kinda server or group of ppl then let me in cuz I'm so damn bored n want to meet new ppl

Preferably a server/group that accepts HPD n NPD cuz I hafta deal w both so now you have to deal with me ❤️

[grotesque-illusion]

Why can't people just pay attention to me and compliment me and tell me how much they adore me?? Why do I have to deal w crashes all the damn time n have NOONE willing to help me w them. Is everyone so effing USELESS that they can't do ONE SINGLE THING FOR ME??

[grotesque-illusion]

Having both HPD n NPD feels like ppl are ignoring me on purpose 😒 They KNOW I have both. They KNOW I need attention n supply, n yet they don't give me it

[grotesque-illusion]

WAHAHAHAHA I don't think you're evil~ it's only fair to get bacc at them if they triedta be disrespectful cvnts

The only ppl I consider friends are my equals/eps(?). I don't rly care abt the rest as much, but since we've got a connection due to our systems being close I tend to be there for them regardless. Sum ppl I generally don't care abt, others are way lower in (my) hierarchy for me to even want to be associated w em~

I'm unfortunately aware I wouldn't be able to handle having someone close to me who is also a narcissist. I'd pick fights w em cuz I NEED to be better

But also I RLY want someone to think of me as their superior n for sum reason only other narcissists would give me the world if I asked, but I can't give it back

I need someone to worship me n treat me like their God. Treat me like royalty if not the divine. Tell me how much you crave me in all the different ways, send me hornii messages saying how badly you want me. Literally WHATEVER comes to your mind. Jus say it. I will adore it~ ❤️

However, I will treat you badly. I'll love-bomb you n then when I'm bored of ya I'll discard you~. I'll give you special attention n then act like you don't exist unless it's for my personal gain~

I WISH I could provide something bacc sometimes, but unless I already care abt you it won't happen. N cuz we're a system I can't afford to put us in a situation where I'm jus using another person

[grotesque-illusion]

Usually I take anything as a threat or "humbling", even if its somn like a joke. I hate it. 😒🙄 I usedta lash out a lot before, now I'm kinda more calm abt it cuz it's an absolutely pathetic attempt~

There's no proper way for me to know. I'm also always paranoid, I jus kinda end up having a gut feeling that someone is trynna humble me or do damage on purpose. It ends up being 50/50 cuz I'm so stuck in a "everyone is against me" mindset that I refuse to believe someone is jus joking 😮‍💨

I can't rly say any of my "friendships" are properly healthy. There are still times where I pick fights for no reason, lie, get pissed at them, etc. Tho I make it up by communicating or improving my behaviour (as much as i can rly. My symptoms are severe so it's kinda hard)

I'm unfortunately aware I wouldn't be able to handle having someone close to me who is also a narcissist. I'd pick fights w em cuz I NEED to be better

But also I RLY want someone to think of me as their superior n for sum reason only other narcissists would give me the world if I asked, but I can't give it back

I need someone to worship me n treat me like their God. Treat me like royalty if not the divine. Tell me how much you crave me in all the different ways, send me hornii messages saying how badly you want me. Literally WHATEVER comes to your mind. Jus say it. I will adore it~ ❤️

However, I will treat you badly. I'll love-bomb you n then when I'm bored of ya I'll discard you~. I'll give you special attention n then act like you don't exist unless it's for my personal gain~

I WISH I could provide something bacc sometimes, but unless I already care abt you it won't happen. N cuz we're a system I can't afford to put us in a situation where I'm jus using another person

[grotesque-illusion]

Ah, me too hunii~. I jus kinda bare through it most of the time. Unless they tryta """humble""" me 😒

I'm unfortunately aware I wouldn't be able to handle having someone close to me who is also a narcissist. I'd pick fights w em cuz I NEED to be better

But also I RLY want someone to think of me as their superior n for sum reason only other narcissists would give me the world if I asked, but I can't give it back

I need someone to worship me n treat me like their God. Treat me like royalty if not the divine. Tell me how much you crave me in all the different ways, send me hornii messages saying how badly you want me. Literally WHATEVER comes to your mind. Jus say it. I will adore it~ ❤️

However, I will treat you badly. I'll love-bomb you n then when I'm bored of ya I'll discard you~. I'll give you special attention n then act like you don't exist unless it's for my personal gain~

I WISH I could provide something bacc sometimes, but unless I already care abt you it won't happen. N cuz we're a system I can't afford to put us in a situation where I'm jus using another person

[grotesque-illusion]

Hm? I'm not too sure what you mean by that. Care to elaborate~?

I'm unfortunately aware I wouldn't be able to handle having someone close to me who is also a narcissist. I'd pick fights w em cuz I NEED to be better

But also I RLY want someone to think of me as their superior n for sum reason only other narcissists would give me the world if I asked, but I can't give it back

I need someone to worship me n treat me like their God. Treat me like royalty if not the divine. Tell me how much you crave me in all the different ways, send me hornii messages saying how badly you want me. Literally WHATEVER comes to your mind. Jus say it. I will adore it~ ❤️

However, I will treat you badly. I'll love-bomb you n then when I'm bored of ya I'll discard you~. I'll give you special attention n then act like you don't exist unless it's for my personal gain~

I WISH I could provide something bacc sometimes, but unless I already care abt you it won't happen. N cuz we're a system I can't afford to put us in a situation where I'm jus using another person

[grotesque-illusion]

Quick question: how the eff to stop obsessing over beauty cuz I'm about to either kill ourselves or whoever else talks to me next

[grotesque-illusion]

Hi

Completely effing forgot abt this. Hi hunii~ ❤️

[grotesque-illusion]

Have ya ever been so deep in denial you've convinced yourself everything is fake?

Despite the amount of traumagenic disorders, despite the amount of signs of obvious trauma

And if someone tries to tell me that we are traumatised, it'll further push me to find out shit I'm not supposta know and cause another system crisis that'll last for months or longer depending on what i find

I'm not sure which is worse anymore 😮‍💨 I wish we could jus get a sign from outsiders rather than questioning everything all the time

[grotesque-illusion]

I'm unfortunately aware I wouldn't be able to handle having someone close to me who is also a narcissist. I'd pick fights w em cuz I NEED to be better

But also I RLY want someone to think of me as their superior n for sum reason only other narcissists would give me the world if I asked, but I can't give it back

I need someone to worship me n treat me like their God. Treat me like royalty if not the divine. Tell me how much you crave me in all the different ways, send me hornii messages saying how badly you want me. Literally WHATEVER comes to your mind. Jus say it. I will adore it~ ❤️

However, I will treat you badly. I'll love-bomb you n then when I'm bored of ya I'll discard you~. I'll give you special attention n then act like you don't exist unless it's for my personal gain~

I WISH I could provide something bacc sometimes, but unless I already care abt you it won't happen. N cuz we're a system I can't afford to put us in a situation where I'm jus using another person

[grotesque-illusion]

born to be vague and mysterious for attention, cursed to overshare and have zero boundaries. also for attention

[grotesque-illusion]

TRIGGER WARNING : weight issues, disordered eating vent post, internalised fatphobia (?)

"Don't starve yourself", "don't go below these amount of calories", etc.

Yea right. As if I'd ever let myself continue eating normally when I saw the numbers on that damned scale. As if I'd ever let myself ruin my beauty by being fat. Ruin my chances at having the PERFECT body jus to take care of the vessel that DAMNED me for eternity

I need to look PERFECT. Otherwise NOONE will CARE. NOONE WILL LOOK AT ME, NOONE WILL THINK IM ATTRACTIVE. How can I LIVE knowing that ppl DON'T think I'm attractive???

I rly wish we could starve, but we have strict parents. The only thing I CAN do is exercise n I'm not even doing THAT RIGHT. CUZ THIS VESSEL IS WEAK N CAN'T HANDLE A BIT OF EXERCISE

WHO thought that having a histrionic n narcissistic succubus live in THIS VESSEL would be a GOOD IDEA??

[grotesque-illusion]

<3

hpd + hypersexual culture is please sexualize me, please tell me how bad you want me in that way and make me feel weak and stupid like that

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