herdailydiarysblog - Tumblr blog

[herdailydiarysblog]

quick life update- after thinking for so many days, months. I finally uploaded my first youtube video. I swear it was not easy. I felt so so weird, worried about it. So many emotions with constant fear of being judged. My introverted self was trying so hard to not do this damn shit, but somehow I managed to upload and share with my few friends. And with the motivation I got from my friends, I feel so happy about it. A bit proud too. Since it was not that easy for me.

Anyway just to follow the process, here is the name of my first yt channel, [yt- herflowergarden.000 ] and if you are still here reading my update- do my subscribe to my channel. It will mean a lot. 💌

Thanks for being there to hear me out.

[herdailydiarysblog]

Heyo. I'm back 🫂

So my long weekend ended yesterday. Came back to my home after spending 3 days differently. Back to my black and white life with no proper routine/tasks/work. Tbh it's not the place, I am the problem, it's my mindset. I feel like I do not belong here yet I don't put my share of effort. Realising it I feel sad.

Tomorrow's another day, I need to work starting at 2 pm. So, logging off.

Out-of-context-

I feel good watching public figures on YouTube in podcasts. They are around my age living life differently. They seem happier. Can I also be that happy? Will I ever be that successful? Will love ever find me? I believe that magical things happen. I wonder how my life would be.. I do not want to be a person without an exact motive in life. 🥹

[herdailydiarysblog]

Hello again ✨

___________

Ok so update for the post where I asked for advice.

I had a chat w my friend and I cleared my head. So no more weird feelings. I am good now, no crush no feelings sorted. Also I haven't talked to that guy much after that. Thanks for being my audience and hearing me out.

_________

My Sunday update- went to meet my mom's side of family. Record few clips of while travel etc, I have a thing for vlogging haha. I want to start creating some sort of video diary for myself.

I did many things: saw sunrise 🌄, sky, roads, rail lines, rush and sunset 🌇. It felt good. Met close relatives, had a great chat and good food. I can even name so many dishes I ate. Should I?

Took a walk with my cousin for 2 hours, sharing life. Tried kombucha ( Korean fermented drink) first time in my life- it was good, I tried coffee after more than a year since I quit, my sis made filter coffee latte with almond milk- loved the feeling of having coffee. I mean wow.

Watched 2 korean movies: Mood of the day & New year blues. Both good worth watching. Slow but steady I would say.

Although I like being alone, it still is kinda lonely. I felt happy being around people. Every time I come here, I feel different emotions and experience different scenarios. My normal life seems b&w in comparison to my one day here which is good I got to experience this.

Also I was given a cute note where she said she's happy to have me🥹 with itar (oil based perfume) from my sis & fridge magnet frommy bro. Grateful but now I also want to do something for them. 💌

Ok now I will take a nap, it's 4 am already. 🫠

See ya.

[herdailydiarysblog]

Guys help, give me some love advice. 🫂

Ok story time-

So I have a guy friend, we met online a few years ago. It's a friendship bond (with some flirting from his end). It's been months since we last had a convo. As far as I know a great person ( I know only in the basis of chats / convo). He recently texted me, we had a chat about different things. I feel really embarrassed after reading texts which are a little cheesy. I don't think there are any feelings involved from either end. But I got scared of how I got embarrassed from cringe texts. I hope I won't get attached. I think I can get attached to this guy so help me😭

I do not want to develop any crush on him.

Context - he is really a great person to me. I am grateful to him, he consoled me alot when I had a bad mishap in the family. Also, he guides well when it comes to career. I respect him. In our chats, he asks for plans to meet and stuff. I'm the type of girl who cannot just go out whenever I want to and also the hesitation that apart from texts we don't really know each other.

___________________

Give me opinions or advice, please 🥹

[herdailydiarysblog]

Just a thought. Not random, I've been thinking about this for months/ years now. Do you all know your motive in life or have you decided your path. I feel like I donot have any exact motive/ path or passion. It makes a little sad.

I see people having dream(s) and they follow the path to achieve it. Meanwhile at this point of life I am not sure what my motive is, like a clear vision what I want. Maybe I just don't have anything particular that I want. There are things I want to do which are in my plan but I don't have even a hypothetical vision of destination of my path.

I came really far in life which my childhood self wanted but many things still lack. I am not that accomplished as per my potential. I always wanted to not be involved in the rat race. But then again, what is it I want in life? Personally? Career wise? Personality wise? I think I always wanted to be a better person. I am not a good human. I regret so many choices of mine. Luck was on my side but there were time when my work lacked. The way how I reacted/ behaved was bad/ toxic/ rude/ unfriendly. I regret hurting people I care about. ( Will elaborate some other time about I realise this recently again)

I hope I find my motive soon. And so do you if feel the same. I understand the feeling. Let's get better together 🫂

Thanks for reading if you did. 💌

[herdailydiarysblog]

Just got to know today, that it's Qixi festival aka Chinese valentine's day today.

I am thinking of ways to celebrate my solo stay at home date. Let's see how the day unfolds.

[herdailydiarysblog]

It's been many days I have not reflected on myself although I was judging myself all the time. I noticed my confidence dropped recently while thinking of my situation. I am not even working on myself. More like I distract myself in other unimportant stuff. It's weird like why I am not able to prioritise things which matter. It's a bad feeling. I criticize myself a lot and still don't do anything. I find a way out most of the time.

I hope I can come back to the track with normal life, priorities, and get proper sleep to improve myself. I don't want to run away. It's bad. I am lacking them these days. I envy people who achieved something after working really hard. I want to be one of them. :/

I think I can start with little steps.

[herdailydiarysblog]

Hey there 🌾

I am back. With a great poetry.

Check this out. A guy from faraway wrote it for me. Aaaaaa.......

As per my last update, I was talking to this stranger and we had good conversation for like 2-3 days. We were talking about different interests one day then he said he's into writing poetry. Then, he wrote one for me as well. This is so amazing guys.

I liked it a lot therefore spreading some love by sharing this masterpiece. There are so many hidden gems in the world.🎀

[herdailydiarysblog]

Hi, it's been a while.

I am back with my life update. July almost went by already. 2024 really is a bit weird for me.

I felt happy, sad, emotional, annoyed, and unknown during this time. Also I saw different dreams.

Most of the time I think about how I am missing on so much in life. I felt drained talking to a friend. She was not in her best condition I would say.

I feel bad for disconnecting myself from family to avoid being (overly) involved. Idk how to express such feelings and emotions but things became easier when I detached myself a bit. Let me know if you can feel similar.

My major concern is my career. I am not sure where my interest lies. It's more like wanting a tour of the world to know where to live. 🫣

I had many conversations with people online as well as at work. I think I tend to over talk sometimes. I randomly chatted with a few kind people on the internet. One of them became my friend for 3 days now. We chat irregularly like 1-2 messages a day. It's been fun so far.

Many other things still happen in my mind these days. I miss my grandfathers quite often. But I don't verbally tell my family often about that. I think I express less love to them. I feel guilty.

For my mental peace and well-being, I tend to express less. ❤️‍🩹

[herdailydiarysblog]

🙌

If the right way is too hard, fuck it. Do it the wrong way.

Folding clothes keeps you from getting the laundry done? Stop folding clothes. Put a basket in your room and throw your unfolded clean stuff into it right out of the dryer, it's fine.

Rinsing dishes off keeps you from loading the dishwasher? Load them dirty and run it twice.

Chopping onions keeps you from making yourself dinner? Buy the freezer bags of chopped onions.

You forget to take your meds and don't want to get out of bed to get them? Start putting them next to the bed.

Can't keep up with the dishes? Get paper plates. Worried about environment impact? Order biodegradable ones online if your local store doesn't have one.

Make the task easier. Put things where you use them instead of where they "go." Eliminate the steps that keep you from finishing the task. Eliminate the task that is stressing you out.

Do it the "wrong" way. It's literally fine.

[herdailydiarysblog]

Hello guys🍀

I created an instagram account. Let's connect on another platform.

Instagram as @prxyxkx.ig

Install the app to follow me. 💌

Thank you for being with me. I will update lil fragments of my life there.🫣🤍

[herdailydiarysblog]

Let's have a cup of cacao drink! 🥃

Cheers to the better future self 🥂

I got some positive motivation yesterday. Therefore sharing it w you guys as well. Slow positive life🎀

[herdailydiarysblog]

hello people.

Sending lots of love and luck. 🍀

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

So much happened recently in life (no that what I expected to but yet so much). Life felt like a rollercoaster indeed for the last 15 days especially.

I was not doing great academic wise. Still the same. Then, my friend who was here for the last 2 months went back to her college to complete her degree so I felt really weird this weekend. Kinda empty. In a way, it's good I have more time to myself. Trying to adjust. 🫠

Other than that, I received a marriage offer from somewhere nearby. It was shocking. Like I heard about it like it was some kind of joke. My family and I had a discussion of things. It felt suffocating thinking about it. Choose to not accept it. It didn't feel right and also I'm not at that stage where it's my only option. Ps. I'm just 23. 🤯

Then, my relatives came over for a day to spend time. I got to realise more about the career aspect of my life. So many different opinions we all have. It was a learning experience I would say. 👥

Lastly, a person who was one of my closest friends (as I remember not sure) from my childhood found and messaged me on insta, so unexpected. I remember bits of memories only. It was one crazy conversation I ever had with anyone. It was weird- unexpected- embarassing- experience for me. I was not sure what to feel. We were friends more than a decade ago I would say. It was like talking to a stranger but also the conversation felt rather familiar. So awkward. 🙄

My life felt like a kdrama written by a newbie to me. Hahah I was like whatt- during that chat. LoL. Nothing's happening though 😂😂

I am the type of person who does not have any go-to people to talk to. I have one friend recently to whom I am connected. The one I mentioned above, but now that she is away and busy I am again back in my peaceful life. I can't have a human diary. My stories are with different people around different times. That was the reason I started this page. I wanted to journal but writing a physical journal is risky. Thanks for listening if you are. Means a lot. 💌

Stay tuned for the updates on my life 🧬

[herdailydiarysblog]

For sure.⚡

[herdailydiarysblog]

All this while I was not in my best condition yet I was not willing to try working on myself. I think I am not confident enough to deal with such things.

With my meds ( I have headache recently) and accumulated guilt and courage I hope to move forward and still try to improve myself. From now on, I will write small fragments daily to update my academic growth. I really want to work on myself so that I can finally switch my career. 🐾

Although I did my best but I was always guilty and blamed myself for doing things which is bad.

I mastered the art of doing nothing and wasting my time. 🤦😆

[herdailydiarysblog]

I am so unclear regarding choosing a career. I think I really want to be a jack of all trades. But how silly I am not making progress even when I have so much to do. I hope the right career finds me sooner than my confusion. Till then, stay tuned.

Btw, in the middle of all the mess- I completed a certification somehow. It's very minor but I am proud. 🥹🫶XOXO hugs and best wishes to myself. I hope she can stop worrying and start learning according to her potential. Fighting! 🌷

[herdailydiarysblog]

I needed to read this today! 🥹

Motivation much needed. I hope it works for me and probably some of you as well. Not writing lately. I became lazy. I'm trying to overcome it. So many thoughts in my mind. Like always. Will be back after sorting out.