httpundead - Tumblr blog

[httpundead]

Accidentally annoying someone doesn't make you a horrible person and you don't have to spend your whole life censoring yourself to prevent it from ever happening.

[httpundead]

Okay I know it's becoming a problem when I don't know what I look like anymore.

I have to ask at least 5 different people how do I look in a pic because 'my face is distorted', 'my arms are huge', 'I look bloated'.

Like goddamn I feel like I'm irritating them by asking them this all the time, I hate it.

[httpundead]

Bruh if I'll see one more post on tiktok of a thin person with comments like "what in the body checking", "go eat something" I'll lose my shit.

Fuck your double standards. Let all sides of the scale breathe, other peoples appearance is none of your goddamn business.

Also, when you comment about the weight of someone with an eating disorder, you're not helping them by telling them to shove a cheeseburger down their throat, you're doing the exact opposite because they take it as a compliment. As someone who still struggles with an eating disorder, when people tell me that I look like I should eat something my very mentally ill brain automatically translates it to 'oh yeah so my method of practically torturing myself is working!' because that's just what mental illness DOES.

So no, Ashleigh, telling a random person online that they 'look' anorexic, isn't going to help anyone.

It's actually quite fucking useless.

- sorry if I botched anything, English isn't my first language.

[httpundead]

Her eyes were so beautiful.

Bright, honey-like. She didn't care, all she wanted to do is smile. Her favourite thing to do was dance until she passed out, no one could stop her, because she didn't want to.

Her friends adored her, they wore their relationships on their necks, like crystals, so even if it breaks, the pieces are still shiny, shiny memories.

She was soft. Too soft.

Breaking her was an easy task, but she was a builder. They told her she was wrong, so she made it right.

Tattoos, a lot of them actually, made her look a certain way. Her cold hands leading warm hearts to safety, and losing herself along the way, was a habit of hers.

Pills, a lot of them actually, made her numb. She would wake up in the middle of the night, feeling wrong. But again, she made it right, didn't she?

Her first love was this boy from kindergarten, with the blue eyes and the blond hair. now she doesn't even remember his name. It made her scared that in the end she'll just forget everyone and everything that made her this innocent girl with the glowing smile and the contagious laugh.

Truth is, she is not innocent.

Her mind, is a beautiful but dark place. She loves it, she finds her peace and quiet there, but everyone knows that before you dive into deep water, you need to know how to swim. Needless to say she drowned multiple times, and it was painful to try and breathe again.

Her eyes got darker, they're not honey-like anymore. Her lips are sealed shut often. She looks tired, she needs to sleep. She's freaking out, she needs to calm down.

What a builder, this girl.

Took her own ruins and made a castle. With high walls protecting it, Maybe even a dragon or two.

She made herself the queen that had no peasants.

We call her 'my highness' even though we know, she is always low.

I still love her dark, swamp-like eyes.

I still love her crooked smiles.

I still love the way she hugs me so aggressively when she is holding back tears.

I still love holding her in my arms, afraid of letting go.

I'm afraid to break her, because I know, building material is expensive.

That night, when we were screaming into the void because we couldn't breathe.

Mascara all over her face, her lipstick smeared, and hell, she was the most beautiful person, I have ever met.

I made myself a promise, that she will be mine.

I will be her knight.

I will hold her.

I will make her smile.

I will dance with her until we are both on the floor.

Because sometimes, you need to build yourself, right?

[httpundead]

Can someone explain to me why tf is my tiktok fyp is full of thinspo?

Like ma'am plz I get my daily dose on tumblr already and it's way more than enough I just wanna watch some cats and raccoons being a menace to society

[httpundead]

[httpundead]