ianthomasmalone

[ianthomasmalone]

I once slept over at a guy’s apartment.

In the morning, he asked if I wanted to get a bagel.

I told him I don’t eat straight people food.

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Life imitates art

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A man at Nordstrom Rack asked me if being transgender was hard.

I told him it wasn’t as hard as some of the levels in Super Mario Sunshine.

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An old man stopped me in the Trader Joe's parking lot and asked if I was from Arizona since I was wearing a Diamondbacks hat.

I told him parts of me were from Arizona.He asked what I meant by that.I said I had all my transgender surgeries in Scottsdale.

He asked me if gay people normally pick baseball allegiances that way.

I said it depends if you're a top or a bottom.

He said that's how life normally works, isn't it.

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Trans people are the Baja Blast of the LGBTQ community.

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Wrote about the pathetic broligarchs in my latest newsletter.

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People from outside LA keep texting me to see if I’m okay, while my ex who lives down the street just asked if I want to come over and see the cuck chair they just bought for their bedroom.

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If only there was another way

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I downloaded a few Gundam episodes ahead of my flight tomorrow in case there's any other trans people in the airport lounge.

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Saw a guy on Tinder with the name Ben Quadinaros.

Some men worship the likes of Joe Rogan and Andrew Tate, so I guess it’s kind of nice to see someone style themselves after one of the underrated unproblematic favs in Star Wars.

[ianthomasmalone]

Hi everyone, I've started a weekly substack on LGBTQ issues, dating, and popular culture. Enjoy!

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Back in August, I was in bed with a cis guy who said he wasn’t sure how to navigate my Kirkland Signature hardware.

I told him an easy solution would be to get down there and press R1, R2, L1, R2, Left, Down, Right, Up, Left, Down, Down, Down.

He asked me if that was a trans code.

I said it was the cheat code for the good weapons set in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, but most trans equipment has the same layout as a PlayStation controller.

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I was out on a date with a straight man who asked me if my LGBTQ identity was important to me.

I told him of course it was.

He asked me what type of gay I was.

I told him I was a Ghost type gay.

He asked me what that meant.

I told him I was resistant against poison and bug types, immune to fighting and normal attacks, and did double damage against psychics and fellow ghosts.

He asked me if that was a metaphor for toxic masculinity, and I thought he might be a keeper.

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There's a Swedish guy in my building whom I often talk to in the hot tub. Each time he sees me, he tells me about all the interactions he's had with LGBTQ people since we last spoke.

Saw him earlier today. He asked me what I was up to later.

I said I probably going to play Sega Dreamcast.

He asked what that was.

I told him it would change his life.

He asked if it was a gay thing.

I told him that most good things in life usually are, and invited him over to play.

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Kids these days have it so easy

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I may not have children of my own, but thanks to a clearance sale, I now have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day hats in the event that someone is foolish enough to procreate with me.

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When my doctor wrote me a PrEP prescription