ihearthawkmetri

[ihearthawkmetri]

he’s allowed🙂‍↕️

The Batcave has a “Do Not Talk To Me” couch. It’s sacred. It’s unspoken. It’s real.

okay so. picture this:

the batcave has one couch. it's in the corner. it’s hideous. it’s like beige or green or something equally offensive to every one of their aesthetics. no one likes the couch.

and that is exactly why it became sacred.

because one night jason just. drops onto it. full gear. bleeding. absolutely done with life. says nothing. doesn’t even take off the helmet. sits there in silence for 3 hours and then leaves.

next week tim uses it. sits there post-mission. face in hands. someone tries to ask if he’s okay and jason throws a batarang at them.

and thus it began.

Rules of the Do Not Talk To Me Couch:

You sit there? No one speaks to you.

You cry? No you didn’t.

You eat cold noodles off your chest at 4 a.m.? That’s sacred time.

If someone tries to comfort you? They are excommunicated for 12 hours.

Dick (sitting on the couch):

Damian: Grayson, are you—

Jason (from across the cave): HE’S ON THE COUCH.

Jason: I don’t make the rules.

Steph: You LITERALLY made the rules.

Jason: And I am the defender of the rules. There’s a difference.

one time damian storms in. covered in blood. absolutely furious. 10/10 rage goblin energy. throws his sword. marches to the couch. sits. arms crossed. steaming.

tim takes one look at him and goes: “i’m making tea.”

jason: “that’s acceptable. tea is allowed. talking is not.”

bonus:

once bruce sits on it.

and the ENTIRE CAVE goes silent.

tim literally freezes mid-typing. cass stops mid-flip. jason just mutters “oh shit.”

they all leave. immediately.

the couch is not ready for bruce.

extra bonus:

alfred vacuums around the couch. never says a word. leaves snacks in a silent offering. once placed a weighted blanket gently on jason’s shoulder. that’s different. he’s allowed.

[ihearthawkmetri]

jason todd.

[ihearthawkmetri]

MY PARENTS FRR

a special handshake. literally saying "i love you" during backstage moments as if they've stepped out of a fic on ao3 dot org. jey having a special pair of matching sunglasses for sami, with sami's name on it, and as if that wasn't enough, just... tenderly placing them on his face. okay. happy pride month, kings.

[ihearthawkmetri]

God i eat this blurbs uppp

Ry’s Blurbs!

Prompt: an anon gave me a shit ton of prompts but there was one that stuck out about Rhea’s pets! This is Prompts 1 of 3 that I’m gonna do for that list

Jey/Rhea/Solo - Rhea for a Day

It started as a good idea.

Jey and Solo had big plans for Rhea’s birthday.

“Let’s give her a break, Uce,” Jey had said confidently the night before. “We’ll do everything she does for a day, and she can just relax.”

Solo, being the ride-or-die that he was, had nodded and grunted in agreement. “Yeah. We got this.”

They did not have this.

At all.

Task #1: Cleaning the House

It started with simple things. A little sweeping. Some light dusting. Nothing too complicated, right?

Wrong.

Five minutes into sweeping, Solo somehow broke the broom in half.

“How the hell you do that?!” Jey yelled, arms thrown up.

Solo held up the now two-piece broom, blinking. “I don’t know.”

“Dawg, it’s a broom!” Jey ran a hand down his face. “You sweeping or tryna fight it?!”

Solo shrugged. “Shit was weak anyway.”

That was when Jey somehow knocked over the entire shelf in the living room, sending framed pictures, candles, and a decorative skull Rhea loved crashing to the floor.

The boys stared at the disaster before them.

“Aight… maybe we should move to laundry,” Jey muttered.

Task #2: Laundry

“You think she sorts by color?”

Solo frowned, staring at the laundry baskets like they were a complex algebra equation. “I don’t know, Uce. She usually just asks me what t shirts I like and don’t like.”

Jey scratched his head. “Yeah, same… but Rhea’s, like… particular about her own stuff.”

“Then let’s just do it all at once,” Solo suggested.

This was mistake number one.

Mistake number two?

Not checking the settings.

Thirty minutes later, they opened the washer—

And pulled out a tiny, shrunken version of Rhea’s favorite hoodie.

Jey gasped. “Oh, fuckkkkkkkk.”

Solo held it up, eyes wide. “Ain’t no way this was adult-sized.”

“BRO, YOU JUST TURNED HER FAVORITE HOODIE INTO A DAMN BABY OUTFIT.”

Solo muttered something in Samoan that probably wasn’t appropriate as Jey grabbed the ruined hoodie and threw it into a special pile of failures.

They both agreed silently—they were never speaking of this again.

Task #3: The Dishes

How hard could dishes be?

The answer? Very.

Solo was in charge of loading the dishwasher. Jey was in charge of rinsing. Seemed simple.

Except Jey accidentally broke a plate five minutes in.

“Yo— my bad, Uce—”

“We good, we good—” Solo turned to help—

And immediately knocked over an entire stack of bowls.

CRASH.

Jey stared at him.

Solo stared at the mess.

“This ain’t going how I thought it would,” Jey admitted.

Solo just sighed and added the broken dishware to the failure pile.

Task #4: Yard Work

“I’M NOT BUILT FOR THIS, UCE!!”

Jey was sweating his ass off, struggling with the lawnmower. The damn thing wouldn’t start no matter how many times he yanked the cord.

Solo, meanwhile, was trying to use the weed whacker.

Trying being the keyword.

Because the second he turned it on, the string snapped off, and the machine died instantly.

“Damn, this thing weak as hell,” Solo grumbled, kicking it lightly.

Jey, still fighting with the lawnmower, finally gave up and threw his hands up. “Man, Rhea does this every week?!”

They both stood there, staring at the disaster of an uneven, half-cut, patchy lawn.

“We should just move on,” Solo said flatly.

Jey wiped his forehead. “Yeah. Next thing on the list?”

“Walking the dogs.”

⸻

Task #5: Walking Bella, Barry, and Luna (aka Pure Chaos)

Jey and Solo were confident about this one.

They loved the dogs. The dogs loved them. Easy.

They got the leashes ready, got the dogs outside, and started walking.

And for about five minutes—everything was fine.

Then.

Barry disappeared.

One minute the bull terrier was there, happily trotting along.

The next—gone.

Jey stopped mid-step. “Wait—where Barry go?!”

Solo turned around, eyes wide. “Shit—BARRY?!”

Panic.

Bella and Luna looked at them like “we told you not to do this.”

“Uce, we lost the dog!!” Jey whisper-yelled, already scanning the area.

“HOW WE LOSE A WHOLE DOG?!”

“I DON’T KNOW, MAN, JUST HELP ME FIND HIM!”

New Task: Find Barry

For an hour, they searched the entire neighborhood.

“BARRY!!”

“BARRYYYYY!”

Solo even tried bribing random strangers. “Yo, you seen a bull terrier? I got $20 on me.”

Jey was stressed out, pulling at his braids. “Man, Rhea gonna kill us, bro.”

“Nah,” Solo shook his head, looking deeply distressed. “She’s gonna kill you. I’m her favorite.”

Jey shot him a glare. “Bro, shut up and help me—”

“Fine, fine—”

But after another hour, no Barry.

They had to face Rhea.

Another New Task: Try Not To Get Dumped

Dragging their feet like two kids who just got sent to the principal’s office, Jey and Solo stepped onto the back patio—

And froze.

Barry was in the pool.

With Rhea.

Rhea, completely unbothered, lounged on a pool float, lazily tossing a toy into the water for Barry to fetch.

Jey and Solo stared.

Rhea turned her head, pulling off her sunglasses. “Took you two long enough.”

Jey’s eye twitched. “You knew where he was this whole time?!”

“Yeah.”

Solo blinked. “Why you ain’t tell us?”

Rhea smirked. “Because I knew you’d freak out. And it was hilarious.”

Jey dropped his head against Solo’s shoulder, exhausted.

“Happy birthday, Rhea,” he muttered dryly.

Rhea laughed. “C’mon, get in here, idiots.”*

Jey sighed. “You tryna drown me after the day I had?”

“Maybe.”

Solo was already pulling off his shirt, grinning. “Hell yeah, let’s go.”

Jey, shaking his head, muttered, “I hate this family.”

Then he jumped in anyway.

Because at the end of the day—this was home.

[ihearthawkmetri]

Late asf but per usual i love this 😭🙏🏽

Ry’s Blurbs!

Prompt: Can you do ano one of Jey x Rhea x Solo but non romantic???

Requested by: Anon

Jey x Rhea x Solo - The Infamous Book Club

Every third Wednesday was sacred. Rhea Ripley, Solo Sikoa, and Jey Uso knew this, guarded it fiercely, and planned meticulously. Their secret? A book club.

This month’s pick: The Great Gatsby

Inside Rhea's hotel room, the trio sat in elegant attire—Rhea in a flowing 1920s-inspired dress, Solo with a surprisingly sophisticated bowtie, and Jey wearing suspenders and a fedora.

Rhea raised her porcelain cup delicately. "Honestly, Gatsby was wild. Throwing all those parties just to get a girl’s attention? Respect, but also kinda desperate."

"Desperate or not, that's commitment," Solo mused, taking a careful sip of chamomile tea.

Jey laughed, "Man, if I was Gatsby, Daisy would’ve had two weeks tops. No patience for that nonsense."

Suddenly, aggressive knocking disrupted their peaceful tea session.

"It's Roman," Rhea hissed, eyes wide.

"Every third Wednesday! He figured it out," Solo grumbled, panic flashing across his usually stoic face.

"Execute Plan Fitzgerald!" Jey whisper-yelled, quickly pulling the fancy tablecloth, sending tea cakes and sandwiches flying as Solo swiftly shoved tea cups under the bed. Rhea scrambled, pulling her hair into a messy bun and kicking her heels under the couch.

"Act natural," Solo commanded, settling casually onto the couch.

The door burst open dramatically. Roman strode inside, Damian Priest close behind, with Sami, Dominik, Finn, and Paul Heyman following nervously.

Roman narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What are you three up to?"

Rhea blinked innocently. "Watching TV. What’s up?"

Roman frowned deeper. "Every third Wednesday you three vanish. And now you're…watching TV?"

"Yep," Solo replied calmly, staring unblinking at the blank TV screen.

Roman glared at the screen skeptically. "The TV's off."

Jey cleared his throat awkwardly. "Commercial break."

Roman raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

Damian squinted suspiciously. "Why does it smell like lavender and Earl Grey in here?"

Rhea shrugged too quickly. "New air freshener."

Dominik pointed at Solo. "Why’s he wearing a bowtie?"

"Fashion," Solo responded bluntly, eyes daring Dom to ask further.

Roman turned to Paul, exasperated. "Wiseman?"

Paul nervously scanned the room, then leaned into Roman, whispering urgently. Roman’s eyes widened dramatically.

"You’re joking," Roman gasped loudly.

"Never, my Tribal Chief," Paul replied gravely.

Roman turned slowly toward the trio. "You're...in a book club?"

An awkward silence followed. Then Damian burst into uncontrollable laughter. Finn doubled over, tears forming in his eyes. Dominik looked betrayed, and Sami appeared scandalized.

"Look," Rhea said defensively, standing up proudly. "It’s serious literature."

"Yeah," Jey agreed, defiant. "We got standards."

Roman rubbed his temples, sighing deeply. "You went threw all this secrecy, nearly gave me a heart attack, for…Fitzgerald?"

"And tea parties," Solo added flatly, unbothered.

Damian, still laughing, wiped his eyes. "Y'all are ridiculous. Can we join, though?"

"No!" the trio shouted simultaneously.

Roman shook his head, turning to leave. "I need new family."

"Next month is Pride and Prejudice!” Jey called after him cheerfully.

"I hate it here," Roman muttered as Paul gently patted his back reassuringly.

The trio exchanged smiles, unbothered, as Solo reached beneath the couch, calmly retrieving a squished tea cake.

"Anyway," he said evenly, brushing crumbs off. "Gatsby...total simp or misunderstood genius?"

[ihearthawkmetri]

it was at this moment, Liv knew she was bi.

[ihearthawkmetri]

PeePaw doesn’t get out of the house much so he loves getting to see his daughter beef with her ex girlfriend 🙂‍↕️

he was fucking loving this drama omfg

[ihearthawkmetri]

MY FAVORITE FATHER DAUGHTER DUO

RHEA RIPLEY & CM PUNK Netflix Tudum 2025 Red Carpet (for @punksrhea)

[ihearthawkmetri]

THEY ARE MARRIED YOU’RE HONOR

i'm begging them to stop FOR FIVE MINUTES [full vid]

[ihearthawkmetri]

I'm at the point where I don't think I could be convinced by a Sami/Jey feud. Like those two love each other so much, it would just feel forced

I'm adamant that the only right way to do it is to have Sami engage in increasingly heelish acts (not a full turn) because he's hit rock bottom after all the terrible luck he's had lately and his self-esteem and confidence get to an all time low. Then have Jey play a big role in pulling him back to the good side (just in time for the Rumble in Saudi) so we get a mirror of their dynamic in the final months of the Bloodline but with the roles reversed. I neeeeed those parallels 🤌

[ihearthawkmetri]

IT’S PEEPAWWW

MONDAY NIGHT RAW | 05.26.25

[ihearthawkmetri]

as much as MAGAs rage against the ‘elites’ all they want is to be accepted and recognized as intellectual equals by those same ‘elites’ but they never will because they’re the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet

[ihearthawkmetri]

Calling Jey lazy when we barely see your ass. Okay sure

[ihearthawkmetri]

i love being gay

[ihearthawkmetri]

MY WIFEEEEE (on a side note i need someone to find me this bustier she is wearing bc it’s GORGEOUS)

"I advise you to hold your titles really tightly. Because absolutely no one is safe from Mami... in the Bank."

MONDAY NIGHT RAW | 05.26.25

[ihearthawkmetri]

MY LITTLE BOYFRIENDS

Monday Night RAW - 02/06/2025

[ihearthawkmetri]

JODY YOU WILL FOREVER BE FAMOUS TO ME I LOVE MY LITTLE BOYFRIENDS

Jey Uso & Cody Rhodes Post-Show

WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event - May 24th, 2025