incorrectquotesandmadness

[incorrectquotesandmadness]

*Alexei and Yelena are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*

Alexei : oh my god, Yelena, backwards!

Yelena: Really, Alexei ? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

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Bucky: What the hell is wrong with you?

Walker: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

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Bucky: Okay, help me please!

Yelena: Got two words for you.

Bucky: I bet they won't be helpful.

Yelena: Your problem.

Bucky: I was right

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Kate: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Peter: What did you do?

Kate: A MISTAKE

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Joaquin: You love me, right, Sam?

Sam: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

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*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Carol: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Sam: ...I did. I broke it. Carol: No. No you didn't. Yelena? Yelena: Don't look at me. Look at Kate. Kate: What?! I didn't break it. Yelena: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Kate: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Yelena: Suspicious. Kate: No, it's not! Peter: If it matters, probably not, but Kamala was the last one to use it. Kamala: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Peter: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Kamala: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Peter! Sam: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Carol. Carol: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Peter: Carol... Yelena's been awfully quiet. Yelena: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Carol, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Carol: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Carol: Carol: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

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Y/N: When are we gonna fuck? Wanda: What? Y/N: Oh sorry autocorrect. When are we gonna hang out? Wanda: First of all that two words isn't even close to each other. And second of all, this is a verbal conversation..

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Yelena: Am I in trouble? Natasha: Take a guess. Yelena: No? Natasha: Take another guess.

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Clint: Do you take constructive criticism? Natasha: I only take cash or credit.

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Sam, setting down a card: Ace of spades Bucky, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Zemo, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Y/N, trembling: What are we playing

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Sam: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works. Kate, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

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Cassie: Hey, Dad? Can I get some dating advice? Scott: Just because I'm with Hope doesn't mean I know how I did it.

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Scott: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me

America: Okay, but in my defense, Cassie bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.

Scott: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

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Shuri: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment! Peter: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

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Tony: *Stubs their toe* FUCK! Steve: Mind your language! Tony: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??? Steve: Tony: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes

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Sam: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?! Bucky: It's kind of complicated, but Yelena- Sam: Got it. Forget I asked.

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Kamala: Kate told me I was found in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster and I was rescued. Carol: You probably were. Kamala: Oh crap, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.