intellectualmadness4eva

[intellectualmadness4eva]

if god exists, he probably loves quiet people best. the ones who don't pray out loud, who don't preach or perform. the ones who close their eyes at night and whisper "thank you" even when they don't know what for. the ones who cry in bathrooms and never curse his name. the ones who carry grief like it's a baby bird they're trying not to crush. i think god presses his forehead against theirs and listens to their breathing, hoping it'll remind him of oceans.

and if god does cry, i bet it's not for the sinners. it's for the ones who never got the chance to be anything at all. the stillborns, the almosts, the half-formed hopes. the prayers that never left someone's throat because they were too scared to ask. he probably keeps those in jars on a shelf somewhere, labeled "i tried."

[intellectualmadness4eva]

my pillow case has absorbed tears that your tshirt should have. that says a lot without saying anything at all

[intellectualmadness4eva]

midnight and hiccups

since long before either of us existed, it's been said that if you get hiccups then that means someone is thinking of you, if that is anywhere near true and i can't stop hiccupping all of a sudden then tell me are you thinking of me tonight? does that beautiful mind let you think of me once in a while? tell me, do you think of me like i think of you? do you miss me enough to give me hiccups? if this is all we get, I'll take it all.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

does it get better?

[intellectualmadness4eva]

wanting to talk to you is like a shout into the void but then again at this point, what isn't?

[intellectualmadness4eva]

you can think people hate you and you can distance yourself from them OR you can let them give you directions and ask you things about yourself and you can let them hug you and you can tell them you needed it. you can sit down and eat with someone and go walk around in circles. YOU CAN DO ALL OF IT, THEY DON'T HATE YOU.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

my hair is softer than it was before and i'm not so scared of dogs anymore, i still clean when i'm stressed and write when i get the chance, i don't read a lot but i get flowers for myself often. i think of you when i don't eat much and when i see someone's mom cry. my friends all hate you so i try not to bring you up as much. i know you made sure i was okay before you left but that doesn't justify it. i loved you and it's not fair. we had matching wounds, mine's black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine. it was over before it even began but i know that we were made from the same star, you know it too. i know we'll meet again, i just hope we're kinder to each other the next time around.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

[intellectualmadness4eva]

i swear my consequences dont even have actions

[intellectualmadness4eva]

there's something so poetic in hating your hometown. this place birthed my entire personality, i never wanna set foot in this city again. all my family and friends live here, I'd rather be anywhere in the world but here. every corner is a scar wanting to bleed again and no matter where i run off to this place will always have the pride of welcoming me back. i want to burn it to the ground but the ashes will always be mine. she's my own but i never belonged. i know my way around her but the way to the airport has never been a doubt.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

love is in the fruit i wash and love is the steam of the food i make love is when i pick myself up each day after day. love is in the book you gave me on my birthday that i never quite finished. love is in those letters that i threw away. love is in leaving home and being myself just like i promised

[intellectualmadness4eva]

at the end of the day im the love i give, not the love i get

[intellectualmadness4eva]

have the courage and pick up the phone, tell her how you feel and let her too, she won't hurt you i know.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

i'm a starved dog and you're something sweet

[intellectualmadness4eva]

haunted by the look in my eyes that would have loved you for a life time.

i must stop writing about you. this is goodbye, forever.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

I don’t dress for women, I undress for them or whatever the fuck it was Taylor Swift said.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

yes there was a time when i swirled you into all of my poems but your name doesn't rhyme with anything anymore.