invisibleghostboi

[invisibleghostboi]

Atlas

Fear turns your body into a corpse It consumes every part of your being Until all that's left is a pile of bones and a rotting soul 'Alive' is now a word that's forgotten

Fear was a paralytic you couldn't seem to wean off of You stayed there motionless and frozen; a prisoner of fear Ribs collapsing; brittle bones breaking like Roman ruins Fear seeping through the skin; it is poison polluting your veins

It squeezes your chest like a snake coiling its body around its prey There was now a lack of oxygen Somehow air was suddenly finite Try and try you may to scream for rescue but your words come only in a whisper

The weight of the world on your shoulders Your knees buckle and you fall to the ground This generation's Atlas; descendant of Samson Fear was your Achilles Heel and liberty was your Roman Empire

-Oliver

[invisibleghostboi]

Is Participation Really Mandatory?

I stand frozen on the sidewalk of a wide-open freeway While life goes on inside cars that come and go Everybody caught in traffic; all while impatiently waiting for the green on the traffic light to glow Still, on my post, I hear tires screech And there in front of me, an open window, an invitation, To go elsewhere, just so long as here, I wouldn't stay

However, for reasons my mind deemed absurd, I unlike all others wanted nothing more but to decline To stay and bask in the comfort of observing life as it unfolds No, leaving the sidewalk wasn't what I had in mind No, It did not bother me that I was not participating

And It was not because I did not wish to become a passenger Rather, it was that I was afraid Afraid the driver that was life would take me somewhere I did not wish to go That I might give the wrong directions or would not be able to give one at all

In truth, I had no idea where to go No proper destination Nowhere that isn't fiction, at least

For the longest time, I have been living inside stories Stories I've directed, stories I've written Which why, when it was time to participate in reality I had completely forgotten how to

-Elio

[invisibleghostboi]

“Money and The World Insane”

Money, No; my lack thereof does not mean it is what I crave For I have seen how blinding the lack and the excess of this piece of paper is Truly, it holds power; seeing as the world revolves around it But how could it not? After all, with just a single piece of paper life can be transformed Transformed for the better or transformed for the worse it doesn’t really matter Because what is money if not control? Control of this life that is uncontrollable, unpredictable, and unbound

Therefore, I apologize if It simply isn’t my goal to live a life controlled by money

I say this with dignity but, later on; I crumble with humiliation as I must, unfortunately, give in to the world's atrocious truth With this I say, It’s such a shame to be unconventional in such a structured world Because it is a fact that unconventional people are hypocrites who depend on the very thing they despise Yet, can you blame them when they live in a world insane?

-Elio

[invisibleghostboi]

The Body Was Cold Yet The Mind Burned So Bright

How is it possible for the mind to be so inexplicably profound And the body to be so exquisitely bland? Inside my mind I sail the treacherous waves of the raging sea Yet, outside, my body stays still, in a constant unmoved state What good are the gushing fountains of the mind When the body is but a frivolous thing

If it is possible, I wish to alter the course of this tragic fate It is a defiance against the universe yet, I can no longer carry on existing in this state

And so I began. I had set foot towards a peculiar journey Quite compelled that I shall be triumphant Wanderer ever so restless, ever so curious Explored the mysteries that awaited Yet, with great misfortune, I discovered that I have arrived nowhere new Often lost inside the shifting labyrinth of my own head

Exasperated I had become by the riddles and the puzzles presented before me Unable to find the right answers arriving to the conclusion that there seems to be none

And so it had come to this Our dear traveler allowed himself to be swallowed by the tide and consumed by the movements of the maze of the mind I suppose it was inevitable After all the universe was against it

It should not have been done Better the mind be burning and the body be cold than both put out to rest Such a waste it was to see the blazing fire be extinguished by the very man who ignited the flames that burned ever so brightly

-Elio

[invisibleghostboi]

Hello people of Tumblr 😬✌️ sharing to you on original song I wrote about my experience of gender and body dysphoria in the hopes that it would allow other people to resonate with the lyrics and relate to the experience of struggling to find yourself in a heteronormative society. All the love to my gays! You are valid and you matter 🏳️‍🌈💓✨

[invisibleghostboi]

Hello people of Tumblr 😬✌️ sharing to you on original song I wrote about my experience of gender and body dysphoria in the hopes that it would allow other people to resonate with the lyrics and relate to the experience of struggling to find yourself in a heteronormative society. All the love to my gays! You are valid and you matter 🏳️‍🌈💓✨

[invisibleghostboi]

"What Maketh of This?"

Never in my life have I felt such a strong magnetic force of attraction; that is unitl, My gaze was met with eyes that had mesmerizing pools of golden brown

Like moths that chase the light and bees that are drawn to honey, I too started to grow a fondness for such a unique soul

I would constantly search for those pools of hazel in a sea of oak and coal

Hoping to find the same electrifying spark those eyes had offered me

What of this feeling? This fondness of mine?

It seems that this unique soul has enticed me

Every interaction elicits such strange reactions

Butterflies fluttering around all corners of my being

What has become of my heart, I have no clue

I sense it burning like wildfire and beating erratically

Have I finally fallen into the hands of love itself?

I must confess, being around such a beautiful soul, gave me an abundance of warm vibrant energy

If love is what maketh of this, then love it shall be

If my existence has told me something, it's that I thought I would not come across a being that made my heart dance the way musical notes dance when a symphony starts to play, nor a being that would teach me how to turn life into art

But I guess the universe conspired against me and proved me wrong when it decide to make our paths intertwine

What artistry the universe has to allow humans to experience first love in an aesthetic and surreal way

-Elio

[invisibleghostboi]

Yellow

Yellow, I'm glad I said hello

Through you, I have met the sun and felt her warm embrace

Yellow, if only you knew how much I take solace in your golden glow

Yellow, gentle are your rays of light that touch the soul

Contagious are the bursts of vibrant energy your light offers

Your sunbeams glisten and dance along bodies of water

What a sight it is to see when yellow becomes iridescent

Yellow, never absent even when the night arrives

Shining so brightly inside burning planets called stars

Gone are the days that are dark when yellow illuminates all around

Yellow, an ever so distinct hue

I feel you moving around nature; magnetic, hopeful, and unbound

Yellow, what a wonderful experience it has been

I will never forget the little moments where you taught me how to be Yellow too

-Elio

[invisibleghostboi]

And The Door Remained Shut

Today like many other days, I once again attempt to re-open a door that has been closed for a long period of time

I desperately looked for the right key, yet less and less hope is left as more and more keys do not unlock the door I had closed years ago

I pounded, kicked, and screamed but alas, the door remained shut

That very moment was the moment shame washed over my being I pity myself for the regrettably awful decisions I have made

With those choices; I found that I had attached myself to chains that bind

Trapped myself inside boxes sealed tight

Forced the soul to reignite its flames

Without its much needed fuel

Living inside what seems like my very own hell loop

And in some moments I ask myself, what meaning hath life have if every day feels like a waste?

So many things I did not get to do, so many things I have yet to explore

Yet here I am stuck in the same place I have been for years, unable to move

Indeed, life feels fleeting when you've just been watching and never intervening

With that you slowly start to develop a feeling of emptiness and sense how longing creeps under your skin

Its entrance might not have been grandiose but it's presence stuck like paint stain;

No matter how much you try and remove it; the feeling of longing does not come off

And now your stuck with that feeling without knowing what to do with it

[invisibleghostboi]

Hazel

The warm hazel brown glow of her eyes

whenever it gets hit by the sun is a sight like no other.

I cannot fathom what it is that I am supposed to feel

whenever I gaze at the beauty inside of her eyes.

In those eyes a hundred emotions, a hundred stories,

and a million thoughts I do not know of.

Who would have thought that the entirety of a person's being

lies inside a pair of magnificent eyes?

Who knew that there was so much life and so much mystery

in those endless abyss of hazel brown?

To stop staring I could not;

I was addicted.

No matter how many times I'd tried to avert my gaze,

I would only fail miserably

A thousand colors hidden inside hazel brown;

That even if I had just looked for a split second,

Everything changed and life was no longer monochromatic.

I long for the serenity that I have experienced

as I fixed my eyes on hers

For I have never found such peace

until I came across those sparks of brown.

I crave for the explosion of life in her eyes

for I am but a lifeless being in need of saving.

I tell you, whatever I have seen

was profound, extraordinary, and unexplained

It was enough to make me dumb founded by its magnificence

-Oliver

[invisibleghostboi]

Ecstasy

The feeling of falling in love to my surprise

Is like being high on ecstasy with dilated eyes,

adrenaline rushing through your body system,

your mind feeling like you’re in cloud nine

this temporary happy emotion, euphoria as they call it;

love can sometimes be just that.

The next morning you wake up with the realization that it’s over,

that yesterday was something you now only long for

Reality hits you hard when dear old ecstasy wears off

No more dopamine induced days

Unable to feel the delight of flying through the clouds

You feel yourself crashing towards rock bottom

With just emptiness to feel

Even if you come across serotonin

You’ll know that with ecstasy it felt different

Serotonin could never give you the satisfaction ecstasy could give

Serotonin couldn’t make you forget your problems the way ecstasy did

No matter how many happy hormones you compare ecstasy with

Nothing could ever amount to the euphoria it gave

It was all you’d ever want. It was all I ever wanted

Because she was my ecstasy and I wish she never left.

-Oliver

[invisibleghostboi]

"Heavenly Bodies."

[invisibleghostboi]

Distinct Hue

Everything was red when my heart danced to its own beat every time I saw you

Strangely enough I fell in love with a being that existed at the same time and in the same universe as me

Orange was the color of the daisies I gave you when I wanted to prove to you what I felt was pure and true

I became very much so in love that even your soft voice sounded mellifluous like beautiful symphonies that never end and just continue

My soul bled yellow when you shot me with all the happiness the world had

I would say that your being complimented mine, because finally, light and dark found its way to balance and there was never a need to hide beneath a facade

Green was the color closest to your heart since it signified the calm. Yes, you were the calm that tamed the chaos that drove me mad

And in my journey I came across a fortunate stroke of serendipity which I believe is you; and it made me realize that life isn’t so bad

Yet at times we can't help but feel blue and sometimes the light and happy colors start losing its hue

However, we can never really become one permanent color because at some point we become iridescent and grow constantly as genuine happiness we pursue

Indigo now became the color of the sky when I thought about how I wanted to spend every day with you because in the times we are apart; my soul longed for yours

And now I realized we have reached violet, which I'm guessing is where I have to end.

I say truthfully and truly that happiness invaded my heart when we met, which is why I ask you to hold on for a few more lines because there is something I want you to know.

I have dedicated all my time searching for the right tones to fill the empty canvas that is me, yet so suddenly, you filled my life with different hues and made me realize

That all along the right colors were right in front of me;

That all along it was and will always be you.

-Oliver

[invisibleghostboi]

What Dysphoria Feels Like

I wish my body wasn’t so feminine so I could wear clothes without being disgusted by how I look

I wish I had fluffy short hair so that I could ruffle my hair like all the pretty boys

I wish that my chest was flatter and so I would not be ashamed of how I look when I wear bathing suits and tight fit clothes

I wish I could wear masculine clothes so I could flaunt my actually decent fashion sense

I wish I didn’t have to hide behind baggy clothes and large hoodies to feel better about the way I look

I wish I was allowed to look like a boy without being labelled as one so I could allow myself to be confident about who I am

I wish that everyone would stop forcing me to be pretty and beautiful in a feminine way

I wish that they would not force me to be a girl and wear clothes that make me uncomfortable in my own skin

I wish they could see the way I see myself with short hair and masculine clothes; happy, confident, and comfortable

I wish that someday when I look at myself at the mirror I could tell myself “Shit he’s so pretty”

I wish they would understand that my body is not their property but mine

I wish that they understand that I am not obliged to look a particular way just so I can appease society’s standards

I wish they could see how much pain I am in that I cannot be myself just because “It doesn’t look right.”

I wish they could see how much I hate myself because no matter how much I force myself to be what they want me to be I can’t

I wish they would just love me the way I am just as how I love them the way they are

-Oliver