johnapacheco

[johnapacheco]

Guest Blogger: Bereaved Mother’s Day……5/9/25

Bereaved Mother’s Day – May 4, 2025. Bereaved Mother’s Day is observed on the first Sunday in May every year and this year it was marked on May 4. BEREAVED MOTHER’S DAY – May 4, 2025 – National Today This is NOT a “Hallmark” holiday.  This is a day that NOBODY wants to celebrate or recognize.  Nobody wants to even contemplate the death of a child. It doesn’t matter at what age the child died,…

[johnapacheco]

Empathy……5/4/25 

This is a good sequel to last week’s blog about not being able to “save” or “rescue” people. Empathy has been defined as being able to picture yourself walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. I think this quote helps us grasp it a little bit better.  Sometimes the only thing we can do is to be there, present with someone else. It’s also been called “holding space” for someone. Being present,…

[johnapacheco]

Feedback......4/30/25

Hi! I got some excellent feedback and sage advice from “CD” after she read last Sunday’s blog and thought I would share it with all of you:  My husband has a friend who attempted to “rescue” a former girlfriend and instead of reporting what was happening to the police, he charged in to get her out of an abusive situation.  He was confronted by the abuser at the front door, and was shot dead on…

[johnapacheco]

Saving Others……4/27/25

Saving people doesn’t work!  There’s a well-known “Karpman’s Triangle.” The three points of the triangle are labeled: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer. The triangle, in itself, is UNHEALTHY.  Someone can’t play the victim role unless there’s someone there to persecute them. If there’s no one playing the persecutor, then there can’t be a victim. Most times when there is a victim and a persecutor,…

[johnapacheco]

Threat or Imagined? ….4/20/25 

Many people get confused about these two feelings. The distinction is that anxiety is usually imagined. It’s not happening in the here and now. You imagine it and then start thinking it’s happening and, IF if it were to happen what else [usually negative] would ensue? More imaginings.  With fear, the threat is real and imminent. With anxiety work on canceling your focus on what’s not real, stay…

[johnapacheco]

Sound Parenting Advice ……4/13/25

Sound parenting advice if you want to raise healthy, functional children: consistency, positive validating messages about themselves and their feelings, gentle criticism of inappropriate behavior, no negative or shaming messages about their personhood. Also, mind your own behavior, attitudes & communications about & to others. To paraphrase John Bradshaw, what children live with, they learn and…

[johnapacheco]

Planting Seeds…..4/6/25 

Forcing someone, doesn’t help.  You can share with them.  I sometimes tell them I have something that might be helpful. Then, I ask if they would like to hear it.  If the answer is no, I let it go.  If the answer is yes I share it briefly, and then let it go also.  Once done, I know I’ve planted the seed.  Then I have to be careful not to over-fertilize it, over-water it or otherwise try to force…

[johnapacheco]

Choosing.....3/30/25

When’s the last time you’ve had to make that kind of a choice? We don’t usually think of win-win situations, but this is definitely one of them!  Peace, John   Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on?  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my…

[johnapacheco]

Asking the Right Question?......3/23/25

I frequently tell clients that asking “Why….?” has little value. Human behavior can be complicated. You might ask me “why I got up and went to work today?” You and I could spend hours talking and never have a definitive answer. We might have dozens of threads; the fact would remain that I got up and went to work today! This quote embodies a reframe; it takes the question and asks it a different…

[johnapacheco]

Waving Goodbye……3/16/25

I learned this lesson the hard way several years ago.  I had a colleague; after a couple of years I realized I was always chasing and following up to insure we got together.  I was the one doing all the maintaining in the relationship.  I would stop reaching out, wait for them to reach out and after six months, I’d reach out and we’d meet. We’d recycle.  I finally got tired of waiting, and with…

[johnapacheco]

Chuckle Time?…..3/9/25 

After the last 2 weeks we have had, I thought we’d lighten up a bit today and maybe find a way to put a smile on your face. Therefore:   And my personal favorite:  Be well! Laughter IS the best medicine!  Peace, John

[johnapacheco]

Feeling and Healing……3/2/25

Many times when we are hurt, we deny it or try to minimize it. We don’t like the feelings because we are uncomfortable. We have to allow ourselves to feel the pain in order to get through the memory of the wound.  Often, sharing the woundedness helps us recover the feelings and begin the healing process.  This can happen when we find a safe person with whom to share it, or, share it in…

[johnapacheco]

Leaving…..2/23/25 

This is just a variation on the quote that I did a blog on back in 2014. I’ve been known to say “When the drama starts, get out of the auditorium!”  You can afford to miss that show, can’t you?  Peace, John  I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy – find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or in general. Send it all to me in an email…

[johnapacheco]

Grieving……2/16/25

I’ve had grieving people tell me about insensitive comments that have been made to them. Things like: “You’re not over it yet?” and, “They’re gone and are not coming back. Get over it!” They don’t get it. In the above quote I disagree with the notion that you choose how long to grieve. Grieving is a process and for many, it takes a long time and often lasts as long as the grieving person lasts.…

[johnapacheco]

Gratitude and Acceptance…..2/9/25 

Anger dissipates if you have zero expectations! Be responsible for your life and not others! Instead of jonesing for what you don’t have or would like to have, accept what is yours, both material and non-material. The word that sums up all three points in the above quote is “acceptance.”  Accept what was, accept what is, and accept what is to be that you are powerless over. Seek to change the…

[johnapacheco]

Are You Lost?......2/2/25 

Persistence & perseverance usually pay off. You have to make sure you’re on the right track though. Determination can help you develop new habits and meet your goals. Why not check your self, your path and your destination? If you have those, you are no longer lost! Do you have a personal story or experience of getting unlost? Peace, John  In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you…

[johnapacheco]

Puzzled? ..1/26/25 

I used to tell people a metaphor about my life. My faith allowed me to believe that God had given me all the pieces. It was my responsibility to make sure they were turned face up and to move them around like a jigsaw puzzle; I was to try and fit them together. I believed that I was at a disadvantage and didn’t have a picture on a box to know what it was supposed to look like when I was done.…