johnapacheco

[johnapacheco]

Sharing Too Much? ……6/22/25

You’d be surprised how many people share their feelings with their toxic relatives or associates. Just because you have feelings, doesn’t mean you have to share them. This is where your logic kicks in and you get to make decisions about what to do with those feelings. Decide who to share them with, who to withhold them from, when and how much. Sharing feelings can leave you vulnerable to…

[johnapacheco]

Thinking Too Much?……6/15/25

A lot of us have learned to spend a lot of time in our heads. I believe, as humans, we’re comprised of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, all wrapped up in what I call “soul” or “spirit.” If we are overthinking, we’re probably just getting by in life. We’ve probably learned to overthink as a defense against feeling what we feel that we don’t know how to deal with, or as a way to justify our…

[johnapacheco]

Reasons or Solutions? ……6/8/25

“You won’t find any solutions in the reasons why!” ~ John Pacheco  Recently, I heard myself saying this to a client in the midst of a session. Many of my clients spend a lot of time explaining their problems/challenges.  I encourage them to spend at least as much time “leaning into the solutions.” For the most part, in this line of work, “why” isn’t that helpful. You may have 100 reasons why,…

[johnapacheco]

Guest Blogger - Walking Is Good Exercise For Mind, Body and Spirit……6/4/25 

A client shared this with me and I felt it was worth passing along.  We all know how walking can improve our physical health. Maybe we don’t always think about how it can benefit us mentally and spiritually.  This is a great reminder.  Another great guest blog from Arden Church, LCSW of our staff.  I continue to appreciate her efforts on our behalf.  I hope her wisdom, dedication and sharing…

[johnapacheco]

Success……6/1/25

Yes, it does! Most of us want to be successful. A core tenant of cognitive behavioral therapy encourages me to ask: What do you want? (A lot of times people tell me what they don’t want – not helpful!). When you know what you want, I then ask: what are you doing (keyword here is “doing”). Then I ask: is doing that getting you what you want? If so, keep doing it. If not, do something else! For me,…

[johnapacheco]

Rest……5/25/25 

I have a SoulCollage™ card I made on my desk. It’s a picture of a small child sitting in a bucket in a grassy area. He is bent over to fit into the bucket. I titled that card “Rest.” It reminds me that its ok to be still or to change gears from the busy-ness of my days. Usually there’s no pressure on a child to be or do anything and, it’s ok not to be perfect.  I tell clients, “You can’t be…

[johnapacheco]

Grow-ing……5/18/25

Negativity can be deleterious, or fatal.  There’s too much criticism and negativity in this world.  Why not try positivity? What have we got to lose by trying?  What would it take to become encouragers? How about 3 times/day saying something positive to people around us? That little bit of change in the positive direction can make a difference in your life and someone else’s.  That’s a start,…

[johnapacheco]

Guest Blogger: Lions, Tigers, and Bears—Oh My! …..5/15/25

In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy and her companions nervously chant, “Lions and tigers and bears—oh my!” as they walk through a shadowy, unfamiliar forest. It’s a moment of fear, but also of courage, as they keep moving forward despite the unknown. That phrase has stuck with me because, in many ways, I’m walking my own version of that yellow brick road. Each of us has our own “lions, tigers, and…

[johnapacheco]

Loving Yourself…… 5/11/25

If you “need” other people to love you for you to be OK, then your sense of your self will always be held hostage by what you think other people might think of you. This kind of codependency is unhealthy and usually begets anger because you and/or the other person have abandoned themselves.  If instead you love your self the way you want to be loved by others, others will naturally be attracted…

[johnapacheco]

Guest Blogger: Bereaved Mother’s Day……5/9/25

Bereaved Mother’s Day – May 4, 2025. Bereaved Mother’s Day is observed on the first Sunday in May every year and this year it was marked on May 4. BEREAVED MOTHER’S DAY – May 4, 2025 – National Today This is NOT a “Hallmark” holiday.  This is a day that NOBODY wants to celebrate or recognize.  Nobody wants to even contemplate the death of a child. It doesn’t matter at what age the child died,…

[johnapacheco]

Empathy……5/4/25 

This is a good sequel to last week’s blog about not being able to “save” or “rescue” people. Empathy has been defined as being able to picture yourself walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. I think this quote helps us grasp it a little bit better.  Sometimes the only thing we can do is to be there, present with someone else. It’s also been called “holding space” for someone. Being present,…

[johnapacheco]

Feedback......4/30/25

Hi! I got some excellent feedback and sage advice from “CD” after she read last Sunday’s blog and thought I would share it with all of you:  My husband has a friend who attempted to “rescue” a former girlfriend and instead of reporting what was happening to the police, he charged in to get her out of an abusive situation.  He was confronted by the abuser at the front door, and was shot dead on…

[johnapacheco]

Saving Others……4/27/25

Saving people doesn’t work!  There’s a well-known “Karpman’s Triangle.” The three points of the triangle are labeled: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer. The triangle, in itself, is UNHEALTHY.  Someone can’t play the victim role unless there’s someone there to persecute them. If there’s no one playing the persecutor, then there can’t be a victim. Most times when there is a victim and a persecutor,…

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Threat or Imagined? ….4/20/25 

Many people get confused about these two feelings. The distinction is that anxiety is usually imagined. It’s not happening in the here and now. You imagine it and then start thinking it’s happening and, IF if it were to happen what else [usually negative] would ensue? More imaginings.  With fear, the threat is real and imminent. With anxiety work on canceling your focus on what’s not real, stay…

[johnapacheco]

Sound Parenting Advice ……4/13/25

Sound parenting advice if you want to raise healthy, functional children: consistency, positive validating messages about themselves and their feelings, gentle criticism of inappropriate behavior, no negative or shaming messages about their personhood. Also, mind your own behavior, attitudes & communications about & to others. To paraphrase John Bradshaw, what children live with, they learn and…

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Planting Seeds…..4/6/25 

Forcing someone, doesn’t help.  You can share with them.  I sometimes tell them I have something that might be helpful. Then, I ask if they would like to hear it.  If the answer is no, I let it go.  If the answer is yes I share it briefly, and then let it go also.  Once done, I know I’ve planted the seed.  Then I have to be careful not to over-fertilize it, over-water it or otherwise try to force…

[johnapacheco]

Choosing.....3/30/25

When’s the last time you’ve had to make that kind of a choice? We don’t usually think of win-win situations, but this is definitely one of them!  Peace, John   Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on?  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my…