ladycatashtrophe - Tumblr blog

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Usually both within the same sentence, as well.

what studying literature feels like

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Omniscient callback

*consumes you uncritically*

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gordan ramsey said this on kitchen nightmares and it blew me away so i took a screenshot but amazon prime app censored me and handed me this work of art

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Gender Nonconforming Jesus: A look at art history. CW: religion, transphobia, artistic nudity, depictions of open wounds (Long post)

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I stare at the screen for hours, trying to make the words come out, but they won't. I can't compel myself to take a break, because there's this voice screaming at me from the base of my brain...

"You've been told you're a great writer, and you want to be a published author. But all you have to show for it after forty-four years are a dozen crash-and-burn writing projects. When you have the time to write, you don't, for a host of reasons. If you don't have something written by the time you die--which comes closer with every passing day--you've wasted your gifts, you've wasted all the effort people put into educating you, and you've wasted your life. So sit down and WRITE, you worthless piece of shit!"

How do you get past the paralysis caused by the obligation to produce? Is there a way to trick your brain and your body into writing? Or do you just slog on through, no matter how long you have to sit there to get a thousand words a day out?

Perhaps you could try to be kinder to yourself.

I always give myself permission to write or to do nothing at all (staring out of the window or at a wall is okay). After a while spent staring at a wall it's often easier to write.

Remember if you write a page a day -- 300 words -- at the end of a year you'll have a 100,000 word novel.

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"Let people enjoy things", "It's not that deep", "Stop being a hater", No.

You are capable of criticizing something and still enjoying it. Criticism should add to your enjoyment of the thing. Contextualizing and analyzing media is the only true sign that you enjoy it instead of just consume it. Stop selling the straggling iotas of your final brain cell to a fascio-capitalist system that wants to gorge you til you burst. Not consuming anything is better than blindly inhaling whatever is put in front of you without discretion.

Be an intellectual and have respect for yourself so you can have some sugary Wattpad fanfic and a Netflix reality TV show for dessert.

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ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

FETCH ME NEIL

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Being someone who has BPD, one of the most humbling and educational experiences one can have is being presented with the opportunity to interact with someone else who also has BPD - especially if you are at two different points of personal healing/progress.

I cannot emphasize enough how jarring it is to interact with someone who has not yet (un)learned the same things you have (or are in the process of doing still).

It's humbling because you're basically being presented with a mirror. This is how you look to the outside world. This is how anyone who is not inside your head sees you. And, often times, you can see the exact thought process behind the other person's behavior - because you've most likely thought it, too.

It's educational because these instances can act as opportunities to learn exactly what you don't want to do. Every time you interact with the person and think, "Wow, that was really immature and selfish," or, "I can't believe they thought that would be beneficial," is a LEARNING MOMENT. Would you want others to think the same things about you? Would you want to deal with the consequences of those same actions? If the answer to both is NO, you can then study the behavior (even if only in your own memory) and pick it apart until you can decipher exactly how to prevent yourself from doing it.

I'm saying this from the perspective of a woman with BPD, and the most recent encounter I've had with someone else who has the diagnosis was with a man. In which case... amplify everything I said by 1000.

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CALL YOUR BOY LIBRARY BOOKS THE WAY IM CHECKING HIM OUT

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I know many people need their silly little scenario time before bed to fall asleep at night, but I for one also require a decent amount of immersive-daydreaming-time immediately upon awakening to fortify my soul for the day and that's why I'm an English major.

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So much of the time, my life feels like it's missing a tiny little shard, one constant that must have been here at some point but is no longer present, and then out of the blue I'll get to pet a dog or a friend's cat will greet me at the door and I go Oh! I'm missing a little buddy! A familiar companion! The ever-present tickle of pet fur incessantly itching at my nostrils! How foolish!!!

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Possibly one of THE most frustrating things about experiencing cognitive awareness whilst having hallucinations/delusions/splitting episodes is getting that feeling, as if you're in the passenger's seat of a car, you've just looked over to the driver's seat to see nobody there, so you try to move to grab the steering wheel, but you're bound by invisible chains that shackle you to the passenger's seat as the car you're in speeds down the road, so your only hope to make it out alive as you struggle against the invisible chains is either that you suddenly grow superhuman strength and bust out, or you wait for the car to eventually crash or run out of gas so you can cry for help from horrified bystanders.

Or maybe that's just a personal thing because this entire scenario is based on a recurring dream I've had since I was a little girl that has followed me into adulthood, who knows

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Diary of a Wimpy Kid dir. Thor Freudenthal