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#U WOULDNT DARE
shittopi · 1 year
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fleshdyke · 2 months
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#csa warning for tags#ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh#completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i#also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad#like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man#was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to#'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background#all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or#whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important#i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting#that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently#wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all.#and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head#like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have#to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it.#bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit#i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus#an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually#harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all#bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid.#and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is#but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core.#i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways#rambles#vent
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the-owl-tree · 7 months
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no fear:
“dovewing dies offscreen or in between books/se and gives ivypool a life of either forgiveness or the standard mother’s love in the case she becomes ivystar”
ALL THE FEARS
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seaofgoldensand · 30 days
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i like feeding peoples' delusions, it makes me feel something yk
BUT GETTING JUMPSCARE FOLLOWED BY CALEB AND HIM RIZZING ME UP WAS NOT ON MY 2024 BINGO CARD
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keirawantstocry · 28 days
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big win for the fitpac open relationship community
pac wants fit to kiss other people so badly
remember that prison clip..... yeah
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kraviolis · 1 year
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i can tell when the author of a fanfic im reading had a peaceful childhood
#krav talks#not to pull the 'i have actual ptsd from a traumatic childhood' card but im gonna be real#i dont think some of y'all understand exactly what hunter's childhood was like#belos also most likely was not the verbally abusive type of parent. he was physically and emotionally abusive FOR SURE. ABSOLUTELY#but theres no shot he'd just yell at hunter. he doesn't get angry like that#case in point: What Happened To Caleb#hunter isnt gonna start crying from someone yelling at him out of anger. he'll get triggered MAYBE#hunter gets fighty if he gets triggered by ANY older authority figure. kikimora and lilith werent exactly kind to him either#the only way hunter cries is when his friends are around bcus he feels so safe with them#you know who would cry over being yelled at like that??? amity.#sure later in her life she probably got into screaming matches with odalia#but if u think even she wouldnt burst into tears if she got yelled at by any older female authority figure in her life#then u r wrong. sorry#hunter was not allowed to be vulnerable. it was too dangerous to be. he also had NO ONE while under belos's thumb.#amity had her siblings. they probably gave her safe spaces to cry it out after getting verbally abused by their mom#if lilith lost her patience and raised her voice at amity (not in a mean way bcus lilith would literally Never but no one is perfect)#amity would start crying for sure. and then lilith would feel like the worst person in the world. scum of the earth.#and god forbid hunter sees this exchange. he'd rip lilith a new one even if she'd already apologized#he wouldnt stop chewing her out for even daring to speak to The Amity Blight so disrespectfully unless amity physically pulled him away.#and then he'd threaten lilith and flash step amity away and immediately call luz#now if a MAN tried to yell at amity she would be three seconds away from throwing hands#but she wouldnt even need to worry about getting her hands dirty bcus hunter would already be shoving the man to the fucking ground#and threatening to end his entire life if he even stepped foot into hunter's field of view ever again#this is why its hard for me to imagine hunter living with darius post-belos... darius wasnt kind to him at first either.#and i think hunter living with someone who had actually had a role in his traumatic childhood would make him. regress#he'd fall back into old behaviors without even noticing. im not entirely sure darius would notice either#i love darius and i love darius & hunters bond so much#but it makes so much more sense and would be so much better for hunter to live with the nocedas for a while#not permanently. camila did great with paying for 6 kids under her roof but she was one emergency away from financial devastation#and i dont think hunter would want to live in the human realm permanently either
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empcrer · 8 months
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i'm still getting a feel for the emp.eror as a muse ( because theres still so much thats being added slowly to the game ) but what if. what if i write a self indulgent drabble. for me.
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firelordhotman · 10 months
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friendly reminder that even if youre open about something on your blog, even if you think its so obviously right in your about/description/pinned/whatever, most of the people who will interact with you are not even looking that far at your blog. they dont know your name or your pronouns or your disabilities or your interests or your credentials or whatever you think is just *so obvious* that they *must* be intentionally ignoring it just to hurt you. ESPECIALLY not if theyre a random stranger who youve never interacted with once before, has never interacted with you once before either, and has absolutely zero reason to care about you. its not a personal attack, its just a fact. this is literally the internet
#i am TIRED. yes this is a vaguepost idc#utter stranger shows up in my notifs DEMANDING i explain a simple little joke tag about me and my loved ones experiences#as if i owe them the slightest ounce of attention in my day#and then when i do explain my & my loved ones lived experiences. they get mad & say im using THEIR personal experiences as a weapon#like. i dont have the slightest clue what your personal experiences are! i dont even know your name!! and i dont want to nor do i have to!!#i dont mean this rudely. but factually: you are not important enough to me to care even a little bit about your experiences#i dont bring up suicide or addiction or any shit like that because its Your experience. bc i have no fucking idea what your experience is#i talk about those things because its MY EXPERIENCE. that IM TALKING ABOUT. in the tags of a post that doesnt belong to either of us no les#this is probably the last thing im gonna post abt this bc i know youre still up my ass looking at everything i post rn#but to finish off. i was never even making a Point about anything in the tag. i wasnt starting discourse about anything.#it was just an Acknowledgement of a shared experience that me and many of my loved ones have. whether u like it or not#like literally i dngaf if YOU personally wouldnt describe your experience that way. We do describe it that way! We can be different#i just made a silly little tag for my friends to see. and YOU decided that you were entitled to both hear my life story and blatantly#misinterpret everything i say about it. like literal 'how dare you say we piss on the poor' type shit#like. saying 'x can cause y' does not mean im saying 'y is literally x' fucking OBVIOUSLY. god#i didnt fucking ask for this! YOU DID!! YOURE the one who DEMANDED it of me unprompted#& clearly must have just gone looking thru the tags of posts for ppl to beef with lollllll#i mean cmon. you didnt follow me i didnt follow you and that wasnt even your post. theres no other explanation lmao its p obvious#anyway i hope u find a better hobby or at least a more fun and fulfilling way to use this website. sincerely#at least get some better critical thinking skills before picking stupid arguments with random strangers online#but hey! play stupid games win stupid prizes<3 right??#also one final note: to hear someone talking about the lived experiences of them and their real life loved ones and go 'hmm. sounds fake'.#its just giving Friendless. its giving 'how could anyone make fun art without doing crazy drugs!!'.#its giving 'Wait yall have friends irl? i thought it was just a joke'. its fucking hilarious and im gonna think about it forever#thank u for a lifetime supply of laughs godspeed
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rayarainbows · 1 year
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me in the shower realizing that junko enoshima is literally just 4chan (the connection makes sense in my head ok)
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elizabethmasen · 1 year
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hey just something i wanna say, if you've been into f1 for a while- and you say to someone whos just gotten into it that we are wasting our time and the whole thing sucks now and why would we ever want to get into it Now? You're awful and your mother never taught you couth.
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daydadahlias · 1 year
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Hello!🌸
sorry I'm curious, why did you put all your stories with a little padlock? (Just a question, I tried to read something of yours on my computer where I am not logged in and I was scared to see that nothing of yours appeared😅)
hello my little cornflake!! it's because i don't want naughty naughty robots stealing my porn <3
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sweater-equestrian · 2 years
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didnt expect to get into a very scary shoving match w our draft today but alas
#to clarify she ran up on me aggressively and pinned me to the gate where i could not get away#so i got into a shove match w her to get her to give me enough space to yanno. walk away#i get why the owners have her she has a great bond with her rider and she can be really sweet#but she has NO concept of pressure or release and its outright dangerous#will never forget the time she broke her riders toes because she stomped and wouldnt back up to get off#like it took ME dismounting and joining in to shove her off before she would back down and get off#and her owner thinks the answer is just adding a stud chain to her halter and riding her in#a twisted scissor gag bit but i could not agree less#she may be a beginner friendly horse on paper but shes far fuckin scarier than our#quote unquote advanced spicey mean quarter horse#bc while the qh may buck you and kick you. she shows her emotions clearly. u know its coming when it is#and she respects basic pressure release commands#our draft type halfie? you can never tell. she blows up out of the blue. like i spend a good amount of free time looking up#horse body language and such. i know what to watch out for. but i can never ever tell with the halfie#and neither can anyone else#even our farrier. a man whos been in the horse business for 45 years cant tell. like hes commented before about how unreadable she is#idk ik it sounds petty to have a bad relationship with a horse but i really dont like her when shes pulling shit like this#not to mention shes mean as hell to romeo like. she pinned me today because romeo dared eat grain#and i told her nicely to back up along w the quarter horse to give him space / stop trying to steal#and again i was asking gently. the quarter horse hit the reverse with the same damn command!! like#i wasnt even touching them yall. and she snapped at me#anyways. ugh. had to have a little rant about her horrible no good behavior
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badgeworn-arc · 2 years
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the   world   was   saved   for  now   .   once   again   ,    for  whatever   reason   THEY   had  been   chosen   to    carry   the   weight   (     a   weight   that   grew   heavier     &     heavier    he   might    add     )           and     subsequently    have   been   spared   once   more.      HAWKINS     was    in   absolute  disarray   as    they   were   driven   through    and   for   a   moment  ,   hopper   forgets   there’s   a   headstone   with   his   name    on   it    out   there.     reunions    all    around     .    .    .     they’d   spent   a  few   moments  with   their   children   before   the   familiar   sight   of    steve  harrington’s   car  lulls   to   a   stop   outside   of   the  barely   still  standing   cabin   in   the  woods  .           THERE’S    A   HEADSTONE   WITH  HIS  NAME  ON   IT      :      JAMES   RICHARD   HOPPER   III      1942    -    1985   .         it’s   etched   into   the   faces   that  climb  out  of   the   car     .         .         .      you   were   dead    and   yet    you’re   here      .         something   else   lies   there   too   .    something   hopper   remembers   seeing   in   soldiers   who  came  back   without   all    their   comrades    ,     something   he’d   seen   behind   murray’s   eyes   when   they’d   lost   alexei.      his    eyes    scan   the   kids   in   front   of   them            ━         someone  is  missing       .       .      .     all   of    their   comrades   did   not   make   it   through   this   fight            &         his   stomach  drops   but   it’s   not   something   he  can  dwell  on   right   now.      not   when   all  of   a   sudden   a   flash   of   brown   hair   is  barreling   into   him   ,    enough   to  make   him  stumble   slightly    before   his   mind   catches   up   and   his   arms   return   the  sentiment  holding   the   other  close.            ❛           shh     .     .    .        you’re   okay.        ❜      voice  is  barely   above   a   whisper  as   fingers   card   through   the   ends   of   hair.     
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ROBIN   BUCKLEY     had    been   a   surprise         ,         a   welcomed   one   of   course   with   their   facts    and   their   overall   opposite   demeanor   a   stark   difference   to   JIM  HOPPER’S     and    yet     .     .    .     they   were  just  another  child   thrust   into   a   world   of  horror   they   never   should’ve   been   burdened   with.       he’ll   hold   them   as   long   as   they   need   it       ━      with   his  own   horrors  lurking   over   his   shoulder   ,    threatening   to   slink   around     &     take   him   by   the  throat   ,     choking   him   out   of   the  ��moment.   for    the    first   time   in    eight   months    russia   feels   far  away   ,    feels  like   nothing   compared   to   standing  here   in   front   of    worn   ,    young   ,    faces   that  were  looking  to   him     ━    to   joyce    for   answers   they   did   not   have.           ❛     i’m   here     .     .    .    i’m   here   and   i’m   not   goin’   anywhere    ,    kiddo.       ❜    repeated   like   a   mantra   ,     the   words  are  murmured  into   an  unruly   bob   before   lips   press   a  kiss   to   the   side   of  robin’s  head.      it    was   obvious   that  something  awful  hung  in  the  air   something  that  would  have  to  be  talked  about  later  when  the  shock  of   seeing   a   ghost   wears   off.           TRAUMA    STACKED   ON   TRAUMA     .      .      .     god   when  do   we   get   a   break      ?        when   is   enough   enough     &     we’ve   proven   ourselves   worthy   of   having   a     normal    life    again     ?          out   of   his   peripheral   ,   he   can  see   the    others        &     after    tucking   robin’s   head   under   his   chin  he’ll  cast  a   look   to   the   rest   of   the   group.         A    SILENT    PROMISE    that   this   was  real   .     .    .    he  was   here   and   they   would   all   get   a   turn.         mourning    seemed    synonymous   with   family   bonding    and   there   was   time   to   makeup    for     .    .    .    things   to  apologize    for    ,        questions    to    ask     ,         &           traumas     to   unpack    but    for   now   he’d   hold   robin  buckley   and   any   of    the   others   who   needed   it    for   as   long   as    they    needed             .            the   world   survived  eight  months   without   him    .     .    .      what’s   a    few    more    hours      ?      
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*             BUCKLEY         ,          ROBIN         @bukley​​      prompted     :     ( hug )  -  for the sender’s muse to hug the receiver’s muse after an emotional moment .            /       found  family.
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bookplush · 2 years
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i feel like blaze posts have to be selling a physical product. otherwise they’ll just get destroyed in the notes
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sirenofthegreenbanks · 3 months
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making a youtube channel so i can upload my silly fmvs for other silly fans to oggle and the marketing and business language of the setup makes me want to find the next cliff and fling myself off it. im doing this for FUN! for F U N !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont care about ~~~brand~~~ or ~advertising profits~ i dont care!!!!!!!! fuck off go away!!!!!!!
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firstroseofspring · 4 months
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reading henry james' the portrait of a lady and it is simultaneously the funniest and most harrowing read of my life. isabel archer. look me in the eye. caspar goodwood followed you to england to declare his love to you and when you insisted you wouldn't marry he waited TWO YEARS for you to come back from your worldwide travels to once again proclaim his love and ask for your hand and in the meantime u fell in love with gilbert. osmond. absolutely unfathomable btw. and i get to the next chapter and theres a one year timeskip and isabel is ENGAGED? TO GILBERT OSMOND?
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