life-with-bpd-things-blog

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

What feels like the end is often the beginning ⛅

Unknown

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

My arms and legs may be covered in scars But they still work just fine. So please stop telling me I "ruined" them Because i didn't

~

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

i used to carve lines into my skin and watch the blood spill out. i used to cry myself to sleep and wake up more tired then when i went to bed. i used to rock back and forth on the bathroom floor waiting for someone to notice how long i was in there/ i used to take cold showers to remind myself that i was still alive. i used to pray to god that he would let me die so i didn’t have to hurt anymore. depression is not beautiful. 

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

BPD symptoms to stop making fun of and to recognize

needing attention 

outbursts of emotion (especially anger)

not getting out of bed

social withdrawal 

self-destructive behaviors

being clingy 

forgetting things

getting upset about everything

bad self-care

promiscuity 

weird/unusual triggers

needing validation 

note ~ these are not just symptoms of BPD and are present in many other mental disorders 

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

i hate that mental disorders have turned into a competition. you can’t discuss eating habits without someone saying how they survived off green tea for 3 weeks and weighed 4 stone. you can’t discus your depression because another person has already tried to commit suicide 8 times and they’re only 12. you can’t discus self harm because you punch your leg until it turns purple whilst they slice their arm to the bone. you can’t talk about addiction because someone else will talk about facing their crack addiction for 18 years. every god damn time you even come close to reaching out you know there’s no point because in other people’s eyes you’re never sick enough. there’s always someone worse off. that’s the problem with attitudes to mental health. this “oh suck it up you’re not as bad as me/them” HAS TO STOP. you have no idea how much a problem affects a person because, okay i might seem like nothing to you but yo them their entire world is breaking down and they just have to wait till they either figure it out on their own, or become sick enough that people can’t deny it any more, and by then...

it’s usually too late. 

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

rock bottom became the solid foundation from which i rebuilt my life

unknown

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

when you share really personal shit about yourself and in the moment it’s fine and you feel good about it but then like 3 hours later you’re like why did i say that?!?!?!?! and you’re brain is literally flicking the lights on and off screaming WELCOME TO HELL!!!! welcome to hell.

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

And if I asked you to name everything you love, How long would it take for you to name yourself

Unknown

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

Dissociation (new diagnosis)

I have been recently given a new diagnosis of a dissociative disorder. Most people experience dissociation in ways of feeling numb, floating through the day, or find themselves staring into space and not knowing how long you've been "out for" (If you scroll down my page you'll find a few posts about dissociation) But in a nut shell, dissociation happens when you're brain can't cope or process something difficult. My "condition" is more unusual. When my brain can't cope or process something painful I completely black out, kind of like a "faint" which lasts between a couple of seconds and a couple of minutes. It starts with my hands and feet going numb as if I had been sitting on them and I can't feel them. A few seconds after this my entire body goes limp and the world spins. If I'm stood up my body will slump to the ground like a sack of potato's. Once I feel my hands going numb its a warning to sit down to avoid injury. Once my body is limp and I'm either on the floor or slumped on a chair the world spins for a couple of seconds and then BAM! I'm unconscious. Its scary. I dread leaving the house alone, and I hate the stress I put on my boyfriend. Its a rare form of dissociation, and I never knew about it before I spoke to my psychiatric doctor about my fainting problem. There is no medication I can take to stop it happening. The only thing that *might* help is talking therapies. To talk about what is stressing me, to talk about anything that I find hard to deal with. And hopefully in time it will help to stop it happening. But at the moment it happens between 2-5 times a day. I just have to live with this for the time being 💪

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

Death/loss

Over the last week I have experienced death 3 times. My uncle, who I have not spoken to recently passed a week ago which was unexpected. I have been supporting my father through this as it was his brother. Then a few days later my fur baby hammy died. He was the best hamster in the world, he knew when I was sad and lonely and would always cuddle up to me. He was over 2 years old so lived a long life, I noticed him struggling to get around a couple days before and one night I went to check on him and he was unable to move very much and he was freezing cold. I wrapped him up and held him for about 2 hours when he passed away in my arms. I have been crying on and off for the last couple of days. Then this morning I found out that my first foster mother had passed away last night. I loved her dearly. She took me in when no one else would and cared for me for a long time. I am heartbroken and scared. Scared that someone else will die. Dealing with death while having BPD is even more difficult. I am going to write a post about coping with death soon so look out for that. I haven't been very active because of these things happening in my own life but I am hoping to be able to post normally I'm a couple of weeks 💔

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

Idk maybe you're having a rough day so here is what some animals would look like if they had a pugs face okay bye

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

When one door closes Open it again. Its a door That's how they work

Unknown

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

You have £86,400 in your account and someone stole £10 from you, would you be upset and throw all the £86,390 away in the hopes of getting back at the person who took your £10 ? Or move on and live? Right move on and live! See, we have 86,400 seconds in every day so don't let someone's negative 10 seconds ruin the rest of your 86,390 seconds. Don't sweat the small stuff life is bigger than that 👌

Unknown

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

Hello lovely people! I thought seeing as I get a lot of messages from you guys I'd make a little post about me :) So my name is Tina, I'm 17 from the UK and have struggles with mental illness for the last 5-6 years. I am currently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder with psychosis, (otherwise known as emotionally unstable PD) attention deficit disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, B.E.D and a generalised anxiety disorder. Living with these illnesses is hard. Its a constant battle. Fighting against my head to keep myself safe and alive. I feel constantly scared and rejected. Not knowing what the day is going to be like when I wake up every morning, is it going to be okay or am I going to have to fight a lot harder to stay safe? If I listened to my disorders every day I would be in hospital every day. Sometimes its just a little prang telling me to self harm which is easily ignored with distraction, but sometimes its screaming. Painful chest, heart beating so fast I can barely breath, not being able to hear my own rational thoughts over the screaming of my disorder. But I make it through. I take regular medication, antidepressants, antipsychotics and sleeping pills. There is no shame in taking these, they keep me ticking over. My brain doesn't produce the right amount of chemicals and these medications help with that. Its the same as taking medication for any other part of your body. I have spent time in inpatient hospitals totalling 11 admissions and 2 admissions to secure Childrens homes. Living with mental illness is terrible, but I wouldn't change my journey. Its made me the strong independent young woman I am today. I may not be "recovered" but I'm not where I used to be, I'm taking steps everyday to improve my life. So that's me I guess. If you have any questions please feel free to private message me :)

[life-with-bpd-things-blog]

I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds Without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me

If there is a way, I'll take it.