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Let Yourself Dream

Think back to when you were a young child… Can you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? If you were anything like me, it probably changed several times as you learned new things about the world.

Right from the word go, we are wired and encouraged to dream, to think about what we want our future to look like. We need goals, vision, something to aim for. Whether it is the small things, like what we want to get done today - grocery shopping, watching a movie, getting coffee with a friend - or as big as what we want from our lives - our dream job, family or travel plans.

We should never underestimate the power of a dream or goal to change our attitudes and direction of our lives and yet so often we let fears and practicalities stifle our creativity and vision. Sometimes, our brains are just so full of the everyday business that we just don’t have the space to get started.  

These are a few of our favorite activities to get ourselves dreaming…

Vision boards - if you are a creative type, taking time to find images that visually inspire you and connect to the things you want to achieve and putting them together on a board can really help inspire you for the future. You can also keep it around to keep you focused and excited for what’s to come.

School reunion - take time to visualize your school reunion in ten years time. Without worrying about potential obstacles, opinions or fears - what would you like to be telling people about who you are, what you do and what the future holds? This can be a great one to chat through with a friend so you can dream together.

Dreams of others - sometimes we don’t have capacity for be creative for ourselves so just thinking of the people who you admire or who are doing the things you want to be doing can be enough to kick start a bit of dreaming or get us focused on the things that will get us a step closer to where we want to go.

Our dream, goals and visions are essential, they give life vitality. We shouldn’t push them down or set them to one side to come back to. Dreams inspire us, get us out of bed in the morning, give us focus and direction - and more than that, an excuse to celebrate when we get there! So, let go of the “why nots” and let yourself dream.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt

This is just one of the topics we cover in our Meant to Be Curriculum - all of us are less likely to make self destructive decisions if we have something we are aiming for. If you are interested to know more about the curriculum, please get in touch. info@livempowered.org

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Behavioral Addiction

What do you think of when you hear the word addiction? For most of us an images of a homeless alcoholic or someone with a syringe in their arm. All very bleak images influenced by media stereotypes. And while that is the reality for some people - addiction has many different faces. For some addiction looks like gambling all night, every night, while their family sleeps, getting deeper and deeper into debt. For others, it’s the lure of pornography. Maybe they compulsively shop or cannot put down the gaming controller and go to sleep.

More and more professionals agree that these sort of compulsive behaviors can be classified as addictions and meet many of the same criteria. Underlying them all, whether a substance or behavioral addiction, is something that the individual is trying to cope with, hide from or control. That root cause can be anything - low self esteem, mental illness and trauma are just some of many things that can lead to someone struggling with addiction.

Behavioral addictions often start because the person experiences a “high” of some sort when engaging in that behavior which releases dopamine - telling the brain that whatever they have just done is worth doing again. For some people, this is intoxicating - they keep repeating the behavior until it is a compulsive behavior. They will carry on doing it despite any negative consequences for themselves or others.

It’s easy to let someone carry on with these sort of behaviors because they don’t seem instantly harmful but someone with a behavioral addiction needs treatment and support to deal with what is going on underneath. So, how can we help?

Talk to them - don’t ignore the issue! Let them know you understand and are there to support them. They may not be receptive at first but just remain open and available - they will know you are there when they are ready.

Treatment - help them research and get the support they need. Recovery will come when they get to the root issue and they will very likely need a professional to help them work through this and change their behavior.

Support group - many people dealing with addiction find being part of a group of people also in recovery can help keep them going and manage relapses. Help them find the right group for them, locally and at a time that won’t conflict with other obligations.

Look after yourself - we are no use to any one if we aren’t functioning. So establish good boundaries with the person you are supporting and find someone that you can talk to.

You can’t go back and make a new start, but you can start right now and make a brand new ending.

James R. Sherman

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Each year's regret are envelopes in which messages of hope are found for the new year.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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A Word for 2019

Have you ever given yourself a word for the year? A word that is meaningful for you - something you want to achieve, define or challenge you for the year. For some, this comes out of a time of reflection or prayer, for others, it is just something that makes sense or sets an intention for the year ahead.

It can be a pretty helpful tool to keep you on track and motivated. We often mess up pretty quickly when we set ourselves resolutions but this takes failure out of the question while still giving us a focus.

For example, you may choose the word discipline - rather than giving yourself a list of must dos for January, it simply gives you a way in which you choose to approach anything you turn your hand to in 2019. Or perhaps your word is adventure - no need to spend lots of money or plan something big - it might just mean saying yes to opportunities as the come and seeing where they lead.

For LIVEmpowered, our word for 2019 is EQUIP. This comes out of our value - empowered. We believe that everyone is empowered to make positive choices and we exist to empower others to support those around them. Our focus this year is to EQUIP communities to meet the needs of their young people. Many people have told us that they see the struggles of young people around them but don’t know how to help them. Our Community Empowerment Training is designed to EQUIP anyone with the knowledge and tools they need and in 2019 we want to roll out our training in as many communities as we can.

So, if you haven’t, take some time in the coming days to reflect on what you want your 2019 to look like - maybe a year of giving, discovery or growth - whatever it is, find your word and let it fill your thoughts, decisions and actions this year. 

We wish you all the very best for 2019!

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Looking Back on 2018

We want to take the time to say thank you to everyone who has supported us this year, in any and every way! This year, because of you, we have had one of our most successful years and have been able to develop new programs.

We have been in more school classes than ever before and we are now partnering with YFC Nashville in a new way as they are delivering our Meant to Be curriculum into 14 schools this semester. We have been privileged to work with some inspiring young people and seen them grow and change as we have worked through our curriculum together.

Never give up on your dreams and don’t let people tell you you won’t make it.

7th Grade Student

We have been developing new and expanded training to help equip communities to meet the needs of their young people with a particular focus on the issue of suicide.

Every 12.8 minutes someone dies of suicide. We want to, we need to, change that statistic. We often encourage people struggling with mental health issues to reach out - but many aren't able to ask for help. If they can't come to us we need to go to them but how do we know they are struggling? And what would we do if they did come to us for help?

We have developed our Suicide Prevention Training to answer these questions and more. This year we have been able to pilot our Suicide Prevention Training both in North Dakota and locally in Nashville.

The presentation... was really wonderful and important. I think it gave the teachers a plan and guidelines for how to help students.

School Counselor, North Dakota

We couldn’t do any of this important work without your support - thank you! We hope that 2019 will be a year of change and growth for us with more people hearing and sharing that each of us is loved, valued and empowered to make positive choices. We hope you will join us for the ride!

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Reflection | INTEGRITY

To be described as someone who has integrity has always been something to aspire to - we would all like to be known as someone who walks their talk, who can be trusted to do the right thing, and is consistent no matter the circumstances.

However, with social media and so many different audiences and crowds to present ourselves to, is true integrity really possible?

Some of us feel under pressure to only present the perfect version of ourselves. Others fear that they will lose friends or a job if they stand up for themselves or are open about their values. Some fear conflict; it is much easier to go along with the strongest voice than to fight to be heard. Perhaps for some it is social insecurity, thinking that if they change themselves so they can fit in, people will like them better that way.

We edit ourselves, stay silent, walk away. We give in.

Most dictionaries talk about integrity first as having a strong moral code that you stick to, but the second or third line down, you will see integrity defined as a state of being whole, complete, or undivided. This feels like true integrity - not always doing or saying the right thing, but to be all of ourselves, all of the time.

Is this really possible?

Yes, but it will take work and courage.

We need to get down to the core of who we are. The foundation of our integrity is our values. When we understand the things we believe underpin life, we can start to act with true integrity. Thinking about how we would want to be remembered or what we would do anything we could to fight for might shed some light on what is most important to us. For some, this will be a broad spectrum of things and for others, a couple of core principles.

Once we know what those values and beliefs are, then we know when we will be prepared to compromise and when it’s time to stand firm. We have a foundation for our decisions, how we behave, and how we express ourselves.

Then we can be fully present in any situation, understanding what is fundamental to who we are. This is integrity.

Integrity comes into play in everything we do. In fact, it’s more than everything we do, it’s everything we are.

Stephanie Staples

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Seasonal Affective Disorder

The trees are turning, the days are shorter, the nights are longer... Winter is coming! For some of us, fall is a magical season - full of bonfires, pumpkins, and bright autumn colors. But for others, fall is the beginning of a winter full of struggle and darkness.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that comes and goes with the seasons - and for most sufferers, fall and winter mean the onset of their symptoms. This doesn’t mean that they will never feel depressed at other times in the year, but they will experience the majority of their depressed periods in the winter months.

SAD looks much like other depression, including low energy, feelings of hopelessness, lack of interest in activities, and social withdrawal. Also, some people will experience a desire to hibernate - to hide away, a heaviness in their limbs, they will sleep more and may even crave carbohydrates.

Several factors put some people at greater risk of experiencing SAD than others. Women are 4 times as likely to be diagnosed with SAD than men. The further away you live from the equator and the younger you are, the more likely that your depression will manifest itself this way.

But why does the weather seem to have such an impact on some people?

The truth is that researchers still aren’t sure, but it is thought there are three influencing factors:

The body’s inability to properly regulate serotonin, which is one of the chemicals in our body that greatly impacts our mood.

An overproduction of melatonin, the hormone the body produces to signal that it is time to sleep.

Vitamin D deficiency - it is thought that a lack of Vitamin D can bring on symptoms of depression.

There are many things we can do to help ourselves during the winter months: making sure to go outside even when it’s cold so we get some sunlight, exercising, and practicing meditation and mindfulness activities. But if these symptoms sound familiar to you and are causing a disruption to your life, don’t brush it off as the winter blues - reach out and ask for help. There are several different treatments available, including talking therapies, light treatment, and medication. Talk to a professional about your experiences so they can help you find the best support for you.

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Self Care for Cold Months

Are you happiest wrapped in a big coat or do you prefer shorts? Winter is fast-approaching and the thought of hot chocolate, big boots, and blankets makes some of us whoop with joy! Others, however, are left longing for the summer sun and dread the cold, short days ahead.

However we feel about winter, it is important that we make sure that we are looking after ourselves well during the colder months. We’ve put together our top tips for winter self care:

Get outside

This may be the last thing you feel like doing, but spending time outside each day has a host of benefits for us, including: helping to regulate sleep (especially if you go outside in the morning), improving our mood, supporting our immune system, as well as topping up our vitamin D levels. Most of us don’t have enough vitamin D in our bodies, which can contribute to depression, muscle weakness and even increased blood pressure. Taking some time outside in the fresh air is a self-care must!

Skin care

All of us get more dry skin as it gets colder. Make sure to stay hydrated; we feel less thirsty during the winter, but that doesn’t mean our body doesn’t need just as much water. This will help our skin as we won’t be dehydrated. Also, moisturizing with a lotion that contains natural moisturizers like jojoba oil, coconut oil, or vitamin E oil will help reduce dryness.

Slow down and do what you love

We naturally slow down in the winter we may need to sleep more and not have the same get-up-and-go we do the rest of the year. This is ok and we don’t have to fight it, but it is important to keep doing the things we love and keep being part of family and community life. So make time for friends and family - curl up and watch a movie, have a bonfire, make a meal together - it doesn’t have to be fast-paced or outside, just don’t hibernate! Keep your heart and head healthy by spending time with those you love, doing what you love.

I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.

Audre Lorde

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Reflection | COMMUNITY

One of the deepest human desires is for community: a sense of belonging, a place where loneliness lifts and we feel seen and understood. We can be surrounded by people and yet feel disconnected, even in places where, on paper, we should fit right in. We long for a place where we can get our needs met, a place that feels like home. People aren’t meant to be alone.

If community is such a good thing and we all want it so badly, why is it so hard to find?

First, we need to shift our PERSPECTIVE…

We go out looking for the perfect community, the place where we will fit right in, where people will  instantly see us for who we really are and value our contribution. The reality of community is that is it is messy; people will make mistakes and we might get hurt, we might not be immediately known. There is no one place that is going to be perfect. Once we understand this, we will stop getting disappointed and wanting to jump ship when everything isn’t as we thought it should be.

Then, we need to make a CHOICE…

Choose the people, whatever group works for you: a church, a work community, a group of friends, a sports team - then choose to be a part of it. This doesn’t mean just try it out, or skirt around the edges. Commit. Be there on the good days and the bad days; be your full self. This isn’t easy, but community doesn’t happen if we don’t show up, both physically and emotionally.

Finally, we need to LOVE…

Whoever comes across your path within the group, love them. Love them in whatever way serves them and shows that you see them and you recognize their value. When we focus on the others in the group rather than what we can get from it, we will see relationships grow and deepen, we will be seen and we will feel a sense of home.

Real, authentic community is possible but it doesn’t just happen to us - we have to create it. We were made for community, our souls cry out for it, and it needn’t be something out of reach. Change your perspective; make the choice to love.

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Myth-Buster | Anxiety

Up to 20% of people in the US experience some sort of anxiety disorder each year. Anxiety can impact anyone of any age, gender, or background. There are plenty of misconceptions about anxiety that can prevent people from getting the help and support they need. We’d like to cast some light on some of the more common confusions:

Anxiety isn’t an illness.

Anxiety is an emotion that we are all familiar with on some level. It is normal and can even help us perform better in some situations. But for the 20% struggling with anxiety disorders, it is an overriding sensation that can cause huge disruptions to life. It can be frustrating, scary and often isolates, but it can be diagnosed and it can be treated. The Journal of the American Medical Association reported a study of 134 adults that showed that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) had a positive impact on all participants with reduced symptoms and improvements lasting at least a year. CBT and other talking therapies can provide tools for life for coping with anxiety disorders.

If I just wait it out, I’ll get better.

This won’t happen. The anxiety might lessen for a time, but it won’t go away and it may even get worse. It is very difficult to get past anxiety disorders without help. It is common for people with anxiety to experience depression as well, which makes getting help even more important. When we don’t get the help and support we need, we often try to solve things ourselves - medicating with alcohol or other substances, likely making things worse.

I just need to avoid the situations that make me anxious.

While in the short term, this may seem like a great solution, the reality is that the longer we wait to face a situation, the more anxious we become. The trouble with anxiety is that when we see ourselves as weak or impaired, it can spread to more and more situations in life which can leave us isolated. The best bet, is to move toward the situation with the support of others to work out the best way of approaching it. You can experience anxiety and still achieve what you need to if you equip yourself with the right tools.

Anxiety can stop us from experiencing life in all its fullness. If you are struggling with anxiety, reach out for help; don’t wait for it to get better by itself. If you need help connecting with support, please contact us - info@livempowered.org.

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Meet the Team | Ashley Woodcock

We are excited to introduce you to Ashley Woodcock! Ashley has been working with us since June as our Administration Assistant. Ashley is married to Kyle and they have a beautiful pup, Molly. Ashley has a gift for letting people know they are loved and valued and so is the perfect fit for the LIVEmpowered Team. We asked her a few questions to get to know her a little better...

What are the top three things we need to know about you?

I am an Enneagram type 4, gratefully married to an extraordinary type 9.

Coffee shops are my favorite places.

I am an advocate for kindness, believing it changes everything.

Why did you get involved with LIVEmpowered?

My beautiful friend suggested it, thankfully, knowing I would feel so connected to the LIVEmpowered mission. Making people feel loved & valued is my heart’s desire!

If you had one piece of advice for yourself as a young person, what would it be?

Your value is not in the ones who don’t see you, but in your Creator, who sees you as supremely valuable & will never leave you.

Who or what inspires you?

I am always inspired by kindness. My husband is extravagantly kind & keeps me inspired to be better & to give more freely!

What did you want to be when you were a child?

The first thing I remember is wanting to be a mermaid, and then a marine biologist. I wanted to save the manatees! I’ve always loved animals. I still want to save them all!

What makes you feel loved?

Feeling noticed, seen, understood - genuine care feels like open communication & consistency, coffee dates, vulnerability, quality time.

Describe your perfect day.

Sleeping in, waking up with my husband in our home in East Nashville, taking our dog with us to Ugly Mugs for coffee & paleo doughnuts at Five Daughters Bakery, then going for a hike/picnic at a Nashville park. Coming home & hosting loved ones for a game night, featuring some sort of super chocolate-y dessert.

How would you change the world?

Wow. That’s a big question! I would change the way people think of & understand adoption, so that every child would have a loving home.

Quick questions:

City or countryside? City! Or snowy mountainside. We love both.

Board games or video games? Board games.

Dress up or dress down? Dress up!

Breakfast for dinner or dinner for breakfast? Both!

Think before you talk or talk before you think? DEFINITELY think before talking. Always.

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Perseverance, secret of all triumphs.

Victor Hugo

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Sugar and Mental Health

Although 75% of us have too much of it, the majority of us are pretty clear that refined sugar isn’t the best thing we can be eating, especially when trying to maintain a healthy weight. However, that isn’t the end of it. More and more studies are emerging showing that sugar may also be having a negative impact on our mental health. It turns out that turning to the ice cream after a break-up or the donuts at the start of a tough day may actually be making things worse, not better.

Countries with a higher sugar-intake also have a higher rate of depression, and while at first this may seem like a coincidence, the science is starting to back it up. In 2017, a study out of UCL in London, identified a great risk of depression in men who consumed a significant amount of sugar in their diet, and similar results have been found in women as well.  

Sugar Highs… and Lows…

We have all experienced a sugar high: that little rush you get when sugar gets into your bloodstream from a sweet treat. However, when we eat a lot of sugar, our bodies have to work hard to get everything back to normal. This impairs the body’s ability to cope with stress, and for some this can trigger worry, nervousness, irritability, and sadness. These things are already symptoms of depression and anxiety,  and eating sugar exacerbates them and makes things worse for those already struggling.

Sugar is thought to increase inflammation in the body, which can have a negative impact on many of our organs, including the brain. Diets high in sugar, especially from sugary drinks, can slow the brain, even causing neuronal damage and speeding up the aging of the brain. It is thought this may be linked to the onset of mental illness, Alzheimer’s Disease, as well as reduced cognitive function, especially in children.

This was certainly the case for some rats in a 2015 study. Those that were fed a sugary solution, within 6 weeks, could no longer find their way out of a maze they had previously mastered, while those on a nutritious diet were finding their way out quicker in the same period of time.

Many people with depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses have seen a reduction in their symptoms when they have changed their diet to reduce their sugar intake. It takes time for nutritional changes to have an impact, but it’s looking like it could be well worth the effort. Imagine the impact on our schools and our society if such a simple thing as lowering the amount of sugar we consume could change the way we are able to process and how longs our minds are healthy for!

We would love to hear your stories of how diet may have impacted your mental health, so please get in touch - info@livempowered.org

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Bullying | How to Respond

Between 1 in 4 and 1 in 3 students in the US say they have been bullied in school. That is a staggering number of our young people who are either the bully or the bullied. Most bullying happens in middle school and is done face-to-face but we are hearing more and more of instances of cyberbullying, meaning that the bullying can be relentless for some.

One of the things we hear from our young people often is that adults don’t understand how different it is to be a teenager today. Which is true! Young people face so many more diverse pressures and, as adults, we often don’t feel equipped to support them. Only 20% to 30% of those bullied ever share their experience with an adult; we need to equip ourselves so that we feel able to be available, so that young people feel safe to share their experiences.

So how should we respond when a young person comes to us with an experience of bullying? While there are many things we can do, here are three of the most important:

Listen. Really Listen.

It can be tempting to assume, to want to share your experience, or to start giving solutions. By taking time to really hear the person’s story, to let them share it several times if they need to, will help them to feel like you are a safe space: someone they can trust and who understands. It will not only make the young person feel secure, but it will give you much more insight into their experience and what your response needs to be.

Make sure they feel safe.

As far as is your responsibility, do whatever it takes to make sure the young person feels safe. Make sure they know that you are there to support them, come what may, and that you will help them work through this - whatever that might look like. Can you help them shut down an app or speak with the school? What steps can you help them take so that they no longer feel threatened?

Take them seriously.

It can be tempting to dismiss a young person’s story as part of growing up, or maybe over-exaggerated, but they need to know that you believe them and that you will help them get the support they need. This may mean helping them record evidence of cyberbullying or to get their story straight before they speak to their school about a situation.

All of these things will not only help the young person to open up, but they will show them that they are loved and valued, that the words of the bully or bullies do not contain their identity.

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Reflection | EMPOWERED

EMPOWER : To make someone stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

Oxford Dictionary

This is a great definition, but with one key problem: it implies that we have to wait on someone else to be empowered - to be given permission or power to move forward in our lives. While that is true in many situations, these are some steps we can take to empower ourselves:

1. Know yourself - recognize all the individual parts that come together to make you unique: your culture, personality, experiences, passions and more! There is no one else in the world who is like you and can bring what you have to offer to the table. Believe it!

2. Love yourself - focus on your strengths, your good qualities. You deserve good things to happen in your life, so take time to make good things happen. Do things you enjoy, spend time with people you love, make choices that show yourself respect and care.

3. Trust yourself - no one knows you better than you do, so no one is more qualified to make decisions that affect your life. Advice is good and helpful, but trust your gut - deep down you know what is right for you.

4. Surround yourself - negative people bring us down, so spend time with the people who support you and inspire you. You will feel more motivated and self confident when you do.

5. Free yourself - what are the things holding you back? Name your fears and obstacles and face them head on - make the argument to yourself of why you shouldn’t let these things get in your way.

6. Equip yourself - learn all you need to help you do what you want to do. Connect with mentors - those people who are already doing it, and learn from their wisdom.

7. Be yourself - that’s it! Go do it. Go live it. Leap.

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously.

Steve Maraboli

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Managing Emotions

Do you ever find yourself worrying about things that aren’t in your control? Or perhaps getting unreasonably or irrationally angry with family, or other drivers? Maybe you notice yourself finding things funny at the wrong time, or laughing too long at a simple joke? These are amongst some of the signs that our emotions are getting the better of us.

We recently did a study with our school students to see how well they managed their anger. 100% of them said their anger had got them into trouble. 65% of them said they were unsure or didn’t know how to calm themselves down once they were angry. Anger is just one of the emotions that they have to deal with on any given day.

These students are not alone! The emotional part of our brain is the limbic system and is more active than the prefrontal cortex - the part of our brain that does the ‘thinking’. It isn’t a surprise that so many of us struggle to get control over one or more of our emotions.

When our emotions are out of control, it can impact our choices, our behavior and even our mental health, leading to things like depression and anxiety. But we don’t have to stay in this place! Here are some of our best tips for getting control of your emotions:

Remember you are not your emotions.

Emotions come and go. We cannot stop that, but we are in control of how we deal with them. It is important we don’t allow ourselves to be defined by what we are feeling.

Identify the emotions you are experiencing.

The first step in dealing with our emotions is naming them as we experience them, and then noting where and when they happen. By taking inventory like this, even writing them down can help you to see the patterns and triggers you may not have noticed before.

Question why you are feeling the way you are.

What are the thoughts that come along with your emotions? Usually, how we feel about a situation is caused by how we are thinking about it. Often these thoughts aren’t reflective of reality, and working on seeing things how they are can help us find the solution.

Refocus and gain control.

Do what you need to do you need to do to get yourself in check. If you are thinking unrealistically or negatively about something, how can you change to a positive perspective? What are the triggers or situations you need to avoid? Just taking a moment to breathe and think before you respond can completely change how you deal with a situation. Recognize what is out of your hands and focus you attention on what is in your control.

Choose your response.

You cannot control the emotions you will experience, but you can choose how you react. Our responses tend to be habits we have developed over time and so they can be hard to break - it will take practice and time. Taking a moment to make a choice will make you feel empowered, in control and more likely to react in the right way.

Getting in control of our emotions will ultimately lead to our stress levels coming down and therefore, a healthier and happier life. Our emotions won’t ever go away, but they don’t need to rule over us.

Feelings are something you have; not something you are.

Shannon L. Alder

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Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

Melody Beattie