meowmaowmreow

[meowmaowmreow]

so my siblings look like twins (they are not) and once again my bullshit brain was like hmmmm batfam. So here. Have some Cass and Tim twin content. Featuring my siblings’ and I’s answers to:

”are you twins?”

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Tim: we used to be.

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Cass: Legally? No. Biologically? No. Genetically? Also no.

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Tim: you can see her too?

Cass: *fucking disappears*

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Tim: we are, but we were separated at birth so she’s older now.

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Cass: That’s a long story. So here it is! It all started in the summer of 1783…..

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Tim: well, not until after the accident.

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Cass: After the witch got us, no.

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Tim: She’s actually a failed clone experiment. Or was that me? -

Cass: he’s actually adopted but we are biological twins.

- Tim: yes but we have separate fathers. - Cass: *Ditto from Pokémon sounds* - Tim: Well you see I was an only child for 15 years but around 1444 I was standing in the swamp, covered in frogs, but these frogs had human eyes. They also had human feet but that’s not relevant to the story— that’s when the biggest, Jeramiah, started to speak… - Cass: father actually summoned us from hell so we’re not related in any way except that we both possessed the same body for a while until Tim got a separate one. - Tim: I had one but she died five years ago this very day. She died in a tragic bathroom accident. Fell in the toilet.

[meowmaowmreow]

Tim (not part of Batfam, yet) has a coffee shop and Bruce brings Damian to the plaza where it's located and Damian manages to slip away without Bruce knowing bc assassin training and his siblings were also there being a handful, even for Batman. Especially for Batman actually considering they were all trained as vigilantes. (You can choose whether Tim is also secretly a vigilante or not, more drama and whatever.) Tim's coffeeshop walls are decorates with books stuck to it and bookshelves along with plants and funny signs. Tim also has a sign in his coffee shop that says "unattended children will be given an espresso and a new puppy", which was custom made, along with another one that says "may your coffee kick in before reality does".

Damian only paid attention to the puppy one. Zeroed in it immediately once he entered.

Damian ends up sitting on table alone and shooing everyone who comes even remotely close with gis deadly-glare™. Tim, almost right away notices the child sitting alone, but only manages to come up to him after the line of people in the counter waiting to order disappears. He does freeze for a little after he realizes Damian is Robin and Damian ends up pointing at the sign and it takes everything in Tim not to laugh after he comes out of his stupor.

Tim leaves once again, after making sure Damian wouldn't run off anywhere. He comes back with a really thick chocolate that he made the milk on the top look like latte art, making it look close enough to a coffee if you didn't pay it too close of attention. Then he bring a service puppy which he recently got to help with customers. He makes sure Damian knows he can't take the dog with him but can give his family a scare thinking he IS bringing the puppy and come visit them whenever he likes.

Bruce and the rest of his family including Stephanie manage to find Damian with Oracle's helps after she managed to hack the cameras. Telling the Bats to be careful because the cameras were a little more difficult than usual to hack onto and the owner may be hiding something considering there are none inside.

They find Damian with a dog sitting on him and a cup of what looks suspiciously like coffee. Damian actually does act like he's gonna take the puppy while Bruce awkwardly tries to apologize to Tim(the owner) and at the same time tries to talk Damian out of taking the dog with him. Meanwhile, Steph, Oracle, Dick, and Jason were laughing their asses off at Bruce's face once he saw Tim chugging a coffee (actually coffee) similar to Damian's while pointing at the sign that said Damian gets a new puppy and a coffee for being left unsupervised.

[meowmaowmreow]

I keep seeing posts where Jason would have his own writing posted somewhere on the internet. I also love meta which is why I would find it funny if Jason found some fanfiction other people in Gotham did of vigilantes and had an account as Red Hood (which people knew it was the crime lord himself.) This all needs to be this way so he can read fanfics of his own anti-hero(?) persona and comment under them feedback like "you changed tenses mid-way through a sentence", "you have so many run-on sentences at the start", "you misspelled [word] right here", "you used the wrong their, it's there"

He basically becomes an english teacher but everyone else is freaking the fuck out because "why the hell is THE red hood commenting on my random shit post?? Am I gonna die??? Should I be worried??"

I think he would also love to read weird crack fanfics to his family as a form of torture, Bruce specially. Whenever he comes by the manor and Bruce makes him uncomfortable he just gets his phone out and starts reading Batman/random member of the JL. It pains Bruce and he doesn't know whether he hates the ones where it's his best friends more or the ones where it's the co-workers he finds annoying. If Jason is particularly annoyed at Bruce then he hunts him down at night when he is Batman and just follows the man around while reading Bruce/Batman or smth.

[meowmaowmreow]

Tiny Tim but Touch-Tone Telephone (he's gonna call Batman to blackmail him. About what? Idk! His identity so he can become Robin? Plausible. His theory that Batman is a meta because he's convinced no human can phase into the shadows like him or because of some creepy thing B had managed to pull off? Indeed. His belief that Batman is an alien or working with them? Yum. (I would find it funny if he went full mad theorist with silly tinfoil hats because he thinks Batman might read his mind and silence him because he knows.)

Also, the person in the song that Tim thinks is the only one in the world to understand is Jason (he would not. Tim has a parasocial relationship with him (literally celebrities(jason) with their fans(tim).)

[meowmaowmreow]

Fanonically, Tim is either a dirty boi or a really clean boi (in my mind.)

I think he would either forget to shower and stuff (even tho he is a vigilante and has a ton of exercise daily-ish?? (sorry, this is just how fanon goes apparently, I haven't read anything but the fanfics and batfamily comic)) or one of the adults he interacted with as a child scared him into having good hygiene.

I find the concept of an adult scaring a child into having good hygiene funny (and concerning if irl) but like, Tim would feel either betrayed or glad somebody did that once he realizes that you don't get taken by the giant rats in Gotham or something after not showering for three days.

[meowmaowmreow]

I want a Mary Poppins and Batfam crossover where she is Tim's nanny and knows Pennyworth for whatever obscure reason. This probably would have to be an au where Bruce already has some if not most of his kids (except for Tim) and Tim doesn't go out because she knows everything and gives him a bedtime so he didn't get to become Robin. (I also think Tim would be a lot more interested in her since she quite literally dropped out of the sky and keeps doing magic things so he would probably obsess over proving she did magic because she keeps being like 'what do you mean? no I didn't'.)

She tries to help Tim have more time with his family but Janet and Jack wouldn't change their ways of their expeditions (works both for however neglecting or loving-but-just-absent you want them to be) so instead she gets him a new, extended family (Batfam).

I also want her to interact with Pennyworth, before her making Tim interact with them more or as a way to make Tim have to spend time with them, and some of the dialogue is her saying she doesn't envy Pennyworth because of all the cleaning of pet hair he has to do and the constant loss of sleep because of his young masters' night jobs.

(This came to me as I was trying to get most of the cat hair out of my clothes while thinking it would be cool if Tim also had an omniscient butler but it would most likely have to be a caretaker so my mind was like 'Mary Poppins! She's quite literally said to be practically perfect.' I also think Tim's parents would really approve of her because of her poise or think she's dangerous to them because of her perfectness.)

[meowmaowmreow]

Now that I'm writing this, I realize it would be more funny if he separately told each of them very different and stupidly absurd stories about how he lost his spleen.

He was boating and a goose attacked him? Sure! Trying to learn juggling while he was Robin? Absolutely! Fishing with his dad? Right! Eating bad leftovers? Of course! Aliens abducting him? More likely than you'd think!

I've read so many fics where the batfam(minus Tim, Cass, and Alfred) discover Tim has no spleen. But! I really want a fic where they are gaslit about it.

Tim at some point, pure coincidence, slips up about his sleep while it's only him and Bruce at an ungodly hour (by the end of patrol) in the morning solving and talking about cases.

Tim: –no, Bruce, because I don't have spleen and I don't want to get pneumonia or something.

(He thinks would be more of / such a hassle considering he still has a stack of papers at WE waiting for him at his desk and his schedule too is full for the next month. Not to mention Tam would kill him before a super-formidable-cough-that-evolved-through-the-power-of-friendship could. Only reason he slightly takes care of himself just enough)

Bruce, eyes snapping towards Tim: ... What?!

Tim hadn't told the Batfam apart from Pennyworth and Cass because they would find out either way and both would be really disappointed in him for not telling them. He also needed to tell Alfred because he is the one who treats their injuries and it would be better if he knew about that in case Tim passed out from blood loss or smth. And Cass because she is the favorite sister and also the scariest one plus she would have found out either way or already knew because of body language.)

Tim, mentally panicking: Yes. You know, like how I had told you a while ago that I had a surgery where they removed my spleen, B. Or were you not listening to me? (Makes sad puppy betrayed eyes)

Bruce, thinking he fucked up: No, chum. I remember now. (Sweating buckets)

He then accidentally (or not, that depends on how much of a menace he is in you mind head canonically) keeps doing this with the rest of the Batfam.

Next time it is with either Dick or/and Jason and Bruce is also there so Tim is just like "Right, B?" And Bruce just goes along with it because he was gaslighted into thinking 'ah, yes, I know that. Me, the best detective' (To be fair to him, he was very sleep deprived thanks to cases.)

Maybe then it is the rest of the Batfam and Tim just has like two/three more people to vouch for him so he manages to gaslight all of them successfully. Or mostly successful because they are skeptically but still believing him.

He does live in a family of detectives so one day one of them searches about it on Tim's file after having some free time and finds the report he filed about his time away with the league and losing his spleen, then they tell everyone so now Tim is in trouble.

[meowmaowmreow]

I've read so many fics where the batfam(minus Tim, Cass, and Alfred) discover Tim has no spleen. But! I really want a fic where they are gaslit about it.

Tim at some point, pure coincidence, slips up about his sleep while it's only him and Bruce at an ungodly hour (by the end of patrol) in the morning solving and talking about cases.

Tim: –no, Bruce, because I don't have spleen and I don't want to get pneumonia or something.

(He thinks would be more of / such a hassle considering he still has a stack of papers at WE waiting for him at his desk and his schedule too is full for the next month. Not to mention Tam would kill him before a super-formidable-cough-that-evolved-through-the-power-of-friendship could. Only reason he slightly takes care of himself just enough)

Bruce, eyes snapping towards Tim: ... What?!

Tim hadn't told the Batfam apart from Pennyworth and Cass because they would find out either way and both would be really disappointed in him for not telling them. He also needed to tell Alfred because he is the one who treats their injuries and it would be better if he knew about that in case Tim passed out from blood loss or smth. And Cass because she is the favorite sister and also the scariest one plus she would have found out either way or already knew because of body language.)

Tim, mentally panicking: Yes. You know, like how I had told you a while ago that I had a surgery where they removed my spleen, B. Or were you not listening to me? (Makes sad puppy betrayed eyes)

Bruce, thinking he fucked up: No, chum. I remember now. (Sweating buckets)

He then accidentally (or not, that depends on how much of a menace he is in you mind head canonically) keeps doing this with the rest of the Batfam.

Next time it is with either Dick or/and Jason and Bruce is also there so Tim is just like "Right, B?" And Bruce just goes along with it because he was gaslighted into thinking 'ah, yes, I know that. Me, the best detective' (To be fair to him, he was very sleep deprived thanks to cases.)

Maybe then it is the rest of the Batfam and Tim just has like two/three more people to vouch for him so he manages to gaslight all of them successfully. Or mostly successful because they are skeptically but still believing him.

He does live in a family of detectives so one day one of them searches about it on Tim's file after having some free time and finds the report he filed about his time away with the league and losing his spleen, then they tell everyone so now Tim is in trouble.