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Price: Where did you get that bruise? Simon: *flashback to walking into a wall while looking at pictures of Y/N* Simon: I'm in a gang, Captain

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Ghost: You have friends and I envy that Y/N: You can share my friends Ghost: *looks at Johnny and Kyle* Ghost: I don't want those

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Soap:"the TV is broken."

Price:"and how did it break?"

Ghost, with his hand still in the TV:

Soap:

Ghost:" soap punched it."

Soap:"YOU FUCKER!"

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Ghost: The doctor said that I was perfectly fine. Except for this massive burn scar. And a broken rib. Which was right next to two other broken ribs.

Soap: Did she clear you or not?

Ghost: She did not. Alright, let’s get to work.

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Soap: You're like our cool dad.

Price: I'm not your dad.

Gaz: Dear diary, today we were disowned by our own father.

Ghost: Father.

Price: Not you too, Simon.

Ghost: Father. I crave violence.

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Y/N, standing on a chair: The floor is hating Simon! Soap: *jumps into Price's arms* Price: *climbs onto the table carrying Soap* Gaz: *lifts his feet off the floor from his chair and continues scrolling his phone* Ghost: *lies down on the floor* Y/N: NO-

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So proud of my mother for doing her own research after I sent her that meme. A sign she hung in her car window.

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~~~~~~~~~~

He just needs reaffirmation, okay…

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Price : What's gone wrong, Alejandro?

Alejandro: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.

Price : That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

Alejandro: Well... There’s a crisis.

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*after Soap has been captured*

Price: Fuck- I’m getting a call-

Price, on the phone: I swear if there’s a single hair out of place-

Makarov: Shut up

Price: EXCUSE ME-?

Makarov: Shut up! I dropped that feral bastard in a dumpster outside of the airport. You can have him back. Forget the ransom just take him

Price:

Makarov: God- *hangs up*

Price: Uh-

Gaz: … Soap scares me

Ghost: He scares me too and I like it

Gaz: Oh my god-

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Incredible performance, immaculate vibes, all round an illustrious job❤️

Capri Sun

(A/N) This is just stupid, but I love this side of Cod.

Pairing: Simon x Reader (no Y/N)

Warning: blood draw, fear of needles, aggressive and oblivious reader, starstruck Simon, suggestive at the end

Synopsis: Based on this.

Simon is a soldier. A warrior. Hardened by life, by the horrors he experiences every day. He had killed hundreds, thousands of people with his hands. Scars cover his body. Scars he acquired in battle and through torture. His subordinates fear him, his superiors respect him. If anyone were to think of a ‘tough guy’, someone not scared by anything, they would think of him.

But god damn, this man is scared of needles. What didn’t help, was the fact that, as a soldier, he had regular health check-ups, each of them including a blood draw.

At first, he tried to face his fear alone, not telling anyone how bad it really was. Only when he eventually fainted before one of those blood draws, did Price catch wind of the Lieutenant’s phobia. And since then, he accompanied Simon to every single blood draw, just to make sure the big, scary man was okay.

But Price still tried to help Simon with his fear. While at first, the Captain would be standing right beside his colleague, he started slowly distancing himself, hoping to give the Lieutenant some independence that way.

The same was happening again. They had just gotten back from a mission and due to an injury, Simon had to go through a check-up, which would start with the oh-so-feared blood draw.

The soldier felt the anxiety from the moment he woke up, only consoled by the fact, that since he had to be sober for the blood draw, it would take place before breakfast. At least it would be over soon.

Ten minutes before Simon’s appointment was scheduled, Price knocked on his door and picked him up. Together, they walked to the infirmary and after checking Simon in, they sat down in the waiting room. Some other soldiers recognized them and started to chat with Price, not really noticing Simon’s silence. After all, he wasn’t much of a talker on a day when he didn’t have to get a needle jabbed into his arm.

After a few minutes, Simon was called into one of the rooms. As he got up, he glanced at Price, who just nodded encouragingly, sending the Lieutenant off. While walking to the room, Simon took slow, steady breaths, already trying to calm his nerves. But when he entered, the anxiety spiked up again.

This time, it wasn’t because of the prospect of what was about to happen, but because of…you. You were…adorable, sitting on a tiny stool, you could use to roll around the room.

He stood in the door for a few seconds, staring at your profile, as you routinely took out everything you’d need for this. You didn’t even notice him until you swiveled around to face the door.

A surprised gasp escaped your lips, not expecting a mountain of a man to be your patient today. Sure, you were used to treating soldiers, big men and women, fit and stocky, but that man…he was something else entirely.

After recovering from the surprise, you let out a chuckle and pointed to the chair in front of you.

“Please, take a seat.”

Simon did as you asked, still staring at you. You looked so fragile and cute. And your smile. If Simon were to die and he could pick one image to see before he leaves this world, it would be that smile of yours.

You swiveled back again, grabbing a capri sun from a table behind you before you turned back to face him. As you ripped off the straw, you started to go through your standard introduction.

“Hi I'm your medic and I'll be drawing your blood today.”

You straightened the straw and aimed at the small hole on the top, jamming the straw down, but missing it. If this display wouldn’t have scared Simon as much as it did, he would’ve found the way, your face pulled into a frown, adorable.

You try again, missing once more, making you grow incredibly frustrated.

“Ahm, so…are you sober?”

You weren’t even looking at Simon while asking him the question, still focused on the capri sun and the way you kept missing the hole.

“Uh-hu.”

You glance at him, a smile on your face, before you glance back down at the juice pack in your hands, the smile gone.

“And have you ever fainted before, during, or after a blood draw?”

Simon’s muscles tensed and his eyes grew wide while he watched you jabbing at the poor juice pouch, a thin layer of sweat starting to cover his skin. His hands had started to claw at the armrests of the chair. But you were oblivious to his panic.

He muttered a quick ‘no’, wanting to save face in front of you, but in his mind, he completed it with a ‘but I think I’m about to’.

“Good. Let me just…ugh.”

Another missed attempt and you clearly had enough. You balled up the pouch, turned it on its side, and jabbed the straw into it with as much force as possible, a triumphant ‘ah-ha!’ leaving your lips as you took a sip.

Your display of aggression was enough for the poor man and with a voice you never expected from someone like him, he called out.

“Price!”

You looked up, confused as to what was going on. Your confusion only grew when another big and burly soldier, even if not as big and burly as the one sat in front of you, came running up to the door.

“What’s going on?”

You looked between him and the man sitting in front of you, not knowing what to say. And Simon didn’t say anything either, instead just reaching out his hand towards the Captain.

Price let out an understanding chuckle and closed the door for some privacy, before grabbing Simon’s hand and giving him an assuring squeeze.

“He doesn’t like getting his blood drawn.”

The way Price whispered that to you, seemed as if he was sharing an important secret with you. You nodded in understanding and sat down the juice pouch, which caught Price’s attention, earning you a confused look.

“I couldn’t hit the hole with the straw, so…”

You explained it so nonchalantly, but in that moment, everything started to make sense in Price’s head and he had to use all of his self-restraint to not just burst out laughing.

Now that you knew that your patient was afraid of the procedure ahead of him, you decided to get it over with as quickly as possible. And you did it without a hitch, placing a small bandaid over the puncture wound.

“Do keep some pressure on that, okay? You don’t want a bruise to form there.”

Simon nodded and with the help of Price got to his feet. The Captain quickly thanked you, before leaving the room, but Simon hesitated. He glanced at you and you again smiled at him, making his heart melt.

“W-Would you l-like to go out s-somtime?”

He talked so quietly, it took your brain a second to catch up, and when it did, a heavy blush covered your cheeks. Was he really asking you out?

“Y-Yeah. I’d love to. I’m done at six tonight.”

Simon nodded, not looking at you, way too embarrassed.

“I’ll pick you up then.”

You nodded and smiled at him, waving as he left the room.

Let’s just say, from that moment on, you were the only medic that would draw his blood. And let’s just say that with him, the procedure required a lot longer than normal and would only happen behind a locked door. Yeah, he’d practically have you sitting in his lap while drawing his blood, grinding up into you, the only way to get his mind off of what was happening that moment. At least Price no longer had to accompany him to those appointments.

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Call of Duty - Masterlist

Master-Masterlist

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Soap: What did Y/N text you? Ghost: 'I can't believe I miss you this much after just three hours' Soap: And what did you send back? Ghost: 'Haha lame' Soap: Ghost: I was flirting

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Overseas 🇺🇸

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Overheard at Price’s office:

Ghost: What do you mean just standing ominously in a corner of the room doesn’t count as socialising?

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Ghost, to Soap: You've got to stop texting me from your apple watch. "Bring queer". I assume you meant 'bring beer' but just in case I brought Gaz Gaz: I'm not gay? Ghost: You're not? I don't need you then. Leave

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König:"YOU SHOT ME!"

Gaz:"No, that was an enemy's bullet! Why would I shoot someone I'm working with?!"

Gaz, later that night to soap:"I totally shot him."

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Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.

Reblog to save a life?