#incorrect cod quotes

[warenai]

Y/n: if I punch myself and it hurts, am I too weak or too strong?

Soap: you’re weak

Gaz: you’re strong

Ghost: you’re stupid

[blingblong55]

Genius-141

Price and Ghost have been looking for Soap and Gaz. Reader may know a thing about the place they could be at.

Price: I heard they were at the Harry’s old yard.

R/n, passing by: wait did you say Harry’s old yard?

Ghost: yeah

R/n: That’s the old junk yard where kids go to get high

Price: what?!

Ghost: no!

Price: we are going there right now!

Ghost: wait, wait…are you sure?

R/n: I’m going to answer and them I’m gonna walk away..deal?

Price nods

R/n: I’m 420% sure

Reader walks away

Ghost: wow..they’re bad at math

Price looks at ghost with a ‘seriously?’ face.

[unhingedpolycule]

Ghost, walking into a room and stopping dead in his tracks:

König: for the love of god, do not ask.

Ghost, after a moment of silence: What the hell is going on here?

Soap, continuing to try and lick his elbow: König said people couldn't lick their elbows!

König: It has been 45 minutes, I wish I never brought it up.

Ghost, after a long suffering sigh: Johnny. This is clearly important to you. Would you like me to lick your elbow for you?

~Moss

[prettyrammy]

Soap : I'll tell you, jail is no fun.

Ghost : you been in jail?

Soap : once, in monopoly.

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes✦

(I got brainrot and I'm still not confident in writing them, so I'm just gonna do this)

Y/N, dizzy off blood loss & pain meds: It is hot as hell in this funky ass hot ass room I'm in- Ghost: *steps in* Y/N: IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER?!

-- Ghost, reading: If his dick slap his thigh wh-when he walk. I shall listen when he talk. Y/N: *calmly eating and nodding* Soap & Gaz: *trying so hard not to laugh and failing* Ghost: And you posted this saying "SHEESH" with eighteen fuckin' android emojis Soap & Gaz: *WHEEZE*

-- König: I am a monster, you know. Y/N: They told you that?… König: Look at me… Y/N: Give me your hand. König: Why? Y/N: Just let me see it. *holds his hand* Hmm, a long life line, oh, and this one means you’re shy. Hmmmmm… König: What? Y/N: Well that’s funny, I don’t see any… König: Any what? Y/N: Monster lines. Not a single one.

-- Price: If you two can manage not to kill each other while I'm gone- Ghost: Oh please... Graves: We're not children. Price: ...*walks away* Ghost: ... Graves: ... Ghost: Eat shit and die. Graves: Yes, fuck you.

-- Soap: So, the plan is kind of changing, so we're just going to take you with us. Hostage!Y/n: Am I being kidnapped? Soap: No, no. Hostage!Y/N: ...Can I leave? Soap: Mm, no.

--

Gaz: Now, now Y/N I know this is a lot to take in but don’t do anything irrational. Y/N: I’m- I’m gonna fight the f-fucking moon.

—

Soap: Mama didn’t raise no bitch, let’s go. Gaz: No no, mama raised a bitch, let’s go- Y/N: Mama didn’t raise anyone, actually. My mom was absent. Ghost: Oh my god.

—

Graves: Bro you’re actually funny! Soap: …I knew that. A lot of people knew that…I- Wh-what’s getting me is the actually.

--

Random Friend: Jeez, Y/N, how do you get any work done with all these attractive men around. Y/N: See, I thought the same thing when I first joined. Then I got to know them all, and that's not a problem anymore. Soap: Ouch... Gaz: I'm still taking the compliment.

[shyerue]

Incorrect CoD Part 3 - The MW2 guys as black cats

feat. discreet shipping

Twitter shyerue_

[stormiwaves]

Y/N: Look at Price, such a dork smoking that cigar

Gaz: …

Y/N: I mean it’s..at least it’s interesting though

Gaz: …

Y/N: At least like..I wish my dad smoked cigars

Gaz: …

Y/N: I mean it’s kinda cute like..Captain Price smokes cigars

Gaz: …

Y/N: How old is Price?

Gaz: …

Y/N: Cause he’s obviously cigar-smoking age

Gaz: …

Y/N: idk, I think it’s kinda sweet

Gaz: …

Y/N: Gaz I wanna fuck Captain Price

Gaz: OH REALLY-

[imaginesheaven]

Incorrect COD Quotes

You got kidnapped :)

 Enemies make you read their demands in front of a camera:

(Y/N): Hello, my name is (Y/N). I have been kidnapped…

Kidnapper: *points gut at you*

(Y/N): *pushing the man away* Can you stop pointing the gun at me? It’s fucking annoying…

Kidnapper: *kind of confused and scared*

 …

 (Y/N): To ensure my safe return home please pay us one million pounds…

(Y/N): … One million pounds? *glares at the men*

Kidnapper: … ?

(Y/N): Is that it? Is that what you think I’m worth? No, I’m not having that. That’s ridiculous…

(Y/N): *stands up to leave* That’s insulting!

Kidnapper: … What the hell?

 …

 (Y/N): To ensure my safe return home please pay us five hundred million pounds.

Kidnapper: …

(Y/N): That’s bit more like it :) *sips happily water*

Kidnapper: …

 …

 (Y/N): *walking around the hide out* … What a shithole! You guys could really tidy up more here.

Kidnapper: Wait... what?! Where are your handcuffs?

(Y/N): Got them off. They were too loose~

Kidnapper: ???

 …

 (Y/N): So, what made you chose me out of all those soldiers? It’s my attitude, right? Tell me I am right. Oh, I am so right.

Kidnapper: Can’t you shut up for a second?!

(Y/N): *offended* No need to be rude! Just making some small talk!

 …

 Kidnapper: STAY HERE FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

(Y/N): *raising your hands grinning* It’s fine! No need to yell at me. I’ll be good this time~

Kidnapper: *ponders all his decisions in life*

 …

 Kidnapper: We didn’t get the money! You are going to die now!

(Y/N): Gentleman, let’s be civil about this! Let’s make a deal. You surrender and you won’t die. How does that sound?

Kidnapper: … And how do you intend to kill us?

(Y/N): *being innocent* No! No! I can’t kill you :)

Kidnapper: …?

(Y/N): But my team can. Say hi!

TF 141: *barges in and kills everyone*

(Y/N): You should have accepted the deal~

 …

 On the way back to the base…

(Y/N): Took you a lot longer than I have thought to save my ass…

Ghost: What the bloody hell? You needed no one to save you. You could have taken them out hours ago!

Price: *crossing his arms in front of his chest* We waited. Looked like you had fun~

(Y/N): … I did have fun :) *clapping hands*

Soap and Gaz: … O.o

    Bonus

(Y/N): Can we go do Mc Donald’s? I’m really hungry…

Price: There is food at the base.

(Y/N): D:

Soap: D:

Gaz: D:

Ghost: -.-

Price: … Fine, we can go.

 Got some inspiration from TikTok :D

[princessdimondheart]

Y/N: pspspsps

König: *walks over* are you trying to call a cat to you?

Y/N: no, but what I tried to call did come to me. :)

König: ???

König: ….

König: !!

König: 😳

Y/N: *giggles*

CODMW2 Masterlist

[lazybutsmexy]

Incorrect COD quotes

Gummy worms

Canary, pouting while writing down her reports: ...

Gaz, to Ghost: why does she look so sad?

Ghost: Price found her secret stash of gummy worms.

Gaz: Ah...

Ghost: ...

Gaz, looking around: ... Where is Soap?

*distant sound of an explosion and an angry Price, with stomps down the hallway*

Ghost, smirking under his mask: went to get them back.

[warenai]

Y/n: I sent good vibes your way

Y/n: they are coming

Y/n: there’s nothing you can do to stop them

Ghost: this is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up

[callsign-bunnie]

Soap: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Ghost: Um...Neat.

*later*

Ghost, lying face down on his bed: I said "Neat," Alejandro. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Alejandro, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Ghost. Remember what I did when Rodolfo confessed his love for me?

Ghost: Didn't you thank him?

Alejandro: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked him.

[unhingedpolycule]

Soap, wistfully: a family could just be me and my 300 chrome tabs

Ghost: no

Soap: so you're telling me I'll die alone???

~Moss

[ilovemybabygirlgaz]

141 Incorrect Quotes

*The 141 is training as team*

Gaz: Are you upset you don’t get to be on the same team as y/n?

Price: Have you ever trained with y/n?

Gaz: No…

*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*

y/n, chasing Soap: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

------

Gaz: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours.

Ghost: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.

Soap: Bitch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred!

Price: You guys are fucking terrifying.

------

Soap: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

Gaz: Eyy, homie!

Price: But then there's cootie...

Ghost: Die.

------

Price: What’s up with Ghost? They’ve been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Gaz: They're just a little overwhelmed.

Price: Why?

Gaz: Soap smiled at them.

------

Gaz: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way, and they're a wide-eyed mess.

Ghost: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?

Soap: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.

Price: Guys.

------

Soap: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Ghost: A doll.

Gaz: A cinnamon roll.

Price: A sweetheart.

Soap:

Soap: ...stop it.

------

Soap: Hey guys I just found a new song I really like-

Ghost: Is it about death?

Soap: No.

Price: Is it about drugs?

Gaz: Is it about sex?

Soap: NO- it's about happiness and peace and-

Ghost, Price, and Gaz:

------

When I said these incorrect quotes are giving me life, I wasn't lying. They are.

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes, AGAIN AGAIN✦

Ghost: Release me, woman. Fem!Y/N: …. *hugs him tighter* :3 Ghost, scared of intimacy: UNHAND ME!- -- (Comedic Death Mention) Someone: I shot you six times hOW ARE YOU ALIVE?! Y/N: Fool! The only one that’s gonna knock me off is ME! Price: *PANICKING*

-- Gaz: What did you do? Soap: ….suckdickonaccident Gaz: What? Soap: Sucked dick on accident! Gaz: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SU-

-- Gaz: Here. We’ll put your phone on the aux- Y/N: NO DON’T- Speakers on full volume: FUCKFUCKFUCKMEUPANDCUTCUTCU- Price: JESUS BLOODY CHRIST *shuts off radio* Soap: *scratching the inside of his ear* Steamin’ Jesus- Y/N: I tried to warn you! Gaz: Who listens to Slipknot at 0900?! Ghost: *raises hand* Gaz: That’s- okay that’s fair. Soap: I’ve gone deaf. Y/N: You’re a bomb tech, it was gonna happen eventually. Soap: *middle finger* Price: *disappointed sigh* It’s too early for this-

-- (This one’s kinda sad but I couldn't stop thinkin' bout it-) Alejandro: You used to be nice…or did you never used to be? Valeria: … Alejandro: Oh god…maybe you never used to be…

-- Not a quote but if any of you have heard that audio that’s the names of the Princes of Hell overlayed on Funky Town, please imagine Soap & Y/N dancing to the Funky Town portion while Ghost sits there menacingly. Thank you.

-- (Depression joke) Y/N: Ahaaaa I’m soooo unwell. Price: Go to the psyche- Y/N: Ya know what it never was? That serious. It was never that serious- Price: Get your ass back here- Y/N: NEVER!-

-- König: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die. Horangi: No-

-- (Valeria has no color here, I ran out) Valeria: *eye roll* I am not trying to seduce you. Y/N, bi panicking: …. Valeria, but now smug: Would you like me to seduce you? Y/N: *strained wheeze & squeaky* Already achieved ma’am- Gaz: *listening to a mic implanted on Y/N* God damnit dON’T LET YOUR MOMMY ISSUES RUIN THIS MISSION!

-- (These next two have mental health jokes in’em) Y/N, hyper cleaning the base: AHAHA, yes! I’m finally feeling bett- ah, wait. I’m manic, and I’m hyper cleaning everything, ✨as a diversion✨. Price: P s y c h e . Y/N: Jokes on you, old man. I already have meds for this! …might need to up them though they feel like they’ve stopped working. Price: When did you start to feel they weren’t working? Y/N: Like three months ago. Price: PSYCHE Y/N: ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT MEDS ARE SCAAAARRYYY Price: YOU KILL MEN ALMOST EVERYDAY Y/N: Fair point. (Take ya meds)

-- Price: I don’t understand you- Y/N: Good! Means you’re probably mentally well. Price: I- Gaz: We really need to like- specify when you’re joking and when you’re serious, you’re gonna give him a heart attack.

-- Gaz: …Hm. Price: You’ve been staring at me for the past six minutes, what is it?Gaz: I think you have a grey hair. Price: Y/N, speeding in: WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE, IT’S BARELY EVEN THERE AND EVEN IF YOU WERE GOING GREY IT’D LOOK FANTASTIC ON YOU. Price: …would it? Y/N: Absolutely! …*thumps Gaz in the back of the head* Gaz: Ow-Uh yeah! Yeah! Actually I don’t even think it’s there, just the lighting. Price: Hm…alright. Y/N: Mhm! *death glare* Gaz: *mouthing* I’msosorry-

-- (Will someone please notice that I write Ghost as "Simon" when he's with Soap and they're being soft? It's intentional-) Soap: I’m not really sure what I’d do if I lost you… Simon: I know what I’d do. Soap: What? Simon: I’d find you.

-- Soap: I got my ankles microwaved. Ghost: X-rayed. Soap: They took my blood away for science! Ghost: Cholesterol tests. Soap: Si had his sinuses…removed? Ghost: Looked at. Soap: Some guy looked at my penis, touched it. That was weird. Ghost, cleaning blood off a knife: That guy wasn’t even a doctor.

-- Medic!Y/N: You think killing is hard? Try healing something. That is hard, that requires patience. Alejandro, watching them bandage his hand: Hm… Medic!Y/N: You can break something in two seconds. *vaguely motions to Ghost, then Price, then at a necklace Alejandro wears that came from Valeria* But it can take forever to fix it. Alejandro: …aye…well said.

-- Gaz: *being annoying and singing a song for the 10,000th time* Price: KYLE! Gaz: I’m watchin’ my tone, dunana. I ain’t talkin’ back, no, why? Cause I’ma get thrown, dunana-

-- Graves: You know, Ghost, real talk bro, you never say nothin’ when you’re around us. Why is that? Ghost: Cause I don’t fucking like you guys.

-- Enemy: I’m gonna send you to God. Y/N: God? I’m insulted you think I’d end up in Heaven. I work hard for my sins, thank you very much. Ghost: We are hostages right now, can you please not-

-- Valeria: And guess who gets to be my little helper.~ Y/N: It’s me, I’m the helper… Valeria: That’s right, you sure are.~ Alejandro: Alright that’s enough! Valeria: What? You don’t believe in positive affirmation?

-- Rudy: Me gustan los perros. Alejandro: Me gustas… Rudy: ….hm. Me gusta un hombre en el ejército. Alejandro: Aye? Rudy: Mhm. Alejandro: *chuckles* Me gusta mi mejor amigo. Rudy: Me gustas.

(This was poorly translated but listen, I tried for the gays)

-- Price: You actually were telling the truth. Valeria: I do that quite a lot, you people are always surprised.

-- Laswell: Don’t pull any of those stunts like you did last time. Fem!Y/N: I made an offering. Laswell: You dropped a dead mouse into that poor man’s lap. Fem!Y/N: Yes! Like a cat. Laswell: You are not a cat! Fem:Y/N: No…tragically, I am a woman.

-- Ghost: Some people are simply…better than others. Graves: You really think you’re that much better than me? Ghost: Oh I think we both know the answer to that.

--

(Needing to fake a date for a mission) Y/N, on the phone: Laswell, I don’t need help with dating. I’ve been on loads of dates! Y/N: *turns and whispers to Gaz* I’ve literally been on one.

-- Enemy: Think you can answer questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Y/N: If you can ask them without the usual level of stupid. Enemy: Where’s your captain and why hasn’t anyone been able to contact him? Y/N: I dunno, I’ve been here, haven’t seen him in days. Enemy: Is he drinking again? Y/N: What do you mean again? He never had to stop. Enemy: But he did have to slow down, is he drinking like he used to? Y/N: Alright, how bout this? Next time I see him, I’ll give’im the field sobriety test, okay? We’ll do the alphabet, start with F & end with U.

-- Graves: And that’s why I personally, don’t agree with your opinion. Soap: Okay, counter point- Graves: Valid argument? Soap: No. Pipebomb!

-- Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: Y/N: I’ma instigate. Gaz, lightly pulling them back: nnnnoooooooooo-

-- Y/N: Eeraaawr >:3 Gaz: What sound is that? Y/N: A dyianosaur Gaz: A what? Y/N: Dianoswaur. Gaz: Make the sound again. Y/N: Uurraawer Gaz: Oh you talkin’ bout them things from ✨Jerressi PerAHck✨ Y/N: AHAH! Ghost: I’m gonna lose it. Soap: Hush yer mouth, it’s cute. Lighten up ya big log.

-- Ghost: I think I’ve finally had enough. Y/N, getting his antidepressants: I think you’re full of shit.

-- Medic!Y/N: C’mon, stick with me, Ghost. Ghost: Might be time to follow my call si-OH FUCKING HELL WHY Medic!Y/N: You listen here you Fuckin’ bastard, I’m gonna love the absolute shit out of you until you never make a joke like that again. And then, if you still do it, I’ll have the team smother, smother, you in affection. And if you STILL don’t get it, THEN I’m gonna whoop your ass. Shut your perfect fucking mouth, you got that, soldier?! Ghost: ….since when did you get scary? Medic!Y/N: Adrenalin keeps people alive and sometimes we run out of epipens, had to substitute somehow.

-- Price: Now, sergent, what would you rather be? A lion or a panda? Soap: Captain, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else? Price: I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that is.

-- Ghost, pissed off: Sometimes I can’t stand you. Y/N, while walking away: Then kneel! And while you’re down there, occupy your mouth, you’d do better down there, QUIET, anyway!! Ghost: I-…… Soap: Oooooo…. Gaz: I- I-…they have no fear. None. Absolutely no survival instinct, no self preservation. None!

-- (Younger Y/N as in like…mid-late twenties. Also, this one is long. I might honestly make a lil oneshot with this one and I welcome anyone else to do the same) Y/N: John… Price: I know, I know. You love me. You’ve said it a thousand times and it should just stick, I just…can’t help but think about how you’re so… Y/N: *snort* Out of your league? Price: To put it bluntly. Y/N: Well, regardless of where I rank? I still love you. I’m going to love you for a long time, you’re stuck with me, ya sweethearted bastard. Price, fondly: Ah Dear, whatever will I do. Y/N: Yeaaaah. Besides! Even if I wasn’t completely and utterly, disgustingly, in love with you? …you are way too good of a sugar daddy to ditch. Price: Hah! Oh really? Why’s that? Y/N: Are you kidding?! Paid off house, paid off car, successful military captain, great manners, great dick, extremely attractive, good with kids, good cook, sexy voice. I could go on for awhile. Price: Oh now you’re just feedin’ my ego. Y/N: Yes, yes I am. Price: I’ll get cocky. Y/N: You’re sexy when you’re arrogant too, that doesn’t deter me. Price: *sigh* Far out of my league. Y/N: You’re a rank climber, I think you’ll keep up.

-- (NSFW but it's in a ha-ha funny way, based on a conversation I've had. Kink mentions) Soap: Look, I just...I need advice on how to spice it up in the bedroom. Y/N: Do you know how little that narrows it down? Gaz: I feel there are few options. Y/N: No there are a lot of options, it depends on your level of spice. I dunno your boundaries wit'cha man! Soap: I just need something! Y/N: THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS! Get some handcuffs, grab a vibrator, TRY ANAL, I don't fucking know! Gaz: *chokes on drink* Soap: Okay, listen- Y/N: No, you listen. Rule of thumb with kinks? It's a mountain and there are three kinds of people on it. People who don't wanna climb, people who want to climb but choose not to, and people who stay climbing. You reach a level of kinkiness and you stay there. You can't go back down the mountain. Me, personally? I have chosen to stop climbing because I know I'll get worse. I'm choosing to stay on my part of the mountain. Where you wanna climb is up to you. Soap: Where do I climb then? Y/N: The beginner's trail is fuzzy handcuffs, orgasm control, and mirror sex. Soap: This is the weirdest advice I've ever gotten. Y/N: It's my specialty.

-- (Follow it up with an asexual joke) Graves: Are you fighting the urge to make out with me right now? Y/N: Not really, I'm really into this pizza though. Soap, in the back: Aw they burnt my fuckin' cookies! Assholes. Y/N: Karma. Soap: It is not my fault I ate the last slice of cake, I didn't know it was yours- Y/N: IT WAS LABELED! Soap: I DIDN'T SEE IT!! Graves: *slowly backs away*

-- Y/N, holding up a coffee pot: Anyone want more coffee? Price: No, we've all had ours. Y/N: *takes off the lid* Cool. Gaz: What are y-NO! Y/N: *chugging from the pot* Ghost: ...This is the peak of mental illness. Price: PUT THE DAMN POT DOWN! Soap: This is the scariest thing I've ever seen them do- Y/N: *fighting to finish the coffee as Price tries to get it away from them*

[rodolfoparrasnumber1fan]

Soap: so ye can’t spell menu, without me and u.. so what’s up ye hungry?

Ghost: *coughs* uh well I’m not necessarily hungry but you can’t spell nuclear mass genocide without u and I, if you fancy committing war crimes with me together at some point..

Gaz: *wheezes* GREAT RIZZ LIEUTENANT

Price: *sighs in exhaustion*