yES YEASSS THE FIC HAS BEEN WRITTEN
could not stop thinking about this post by @pap-da-coconut and wrote a little thing for it! cw for arguments and vague mentions of mag 200 events
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âIâm just saying, it would be way easier if we justâoh, not again.â
The door to the Archives shuts behind Tim, cutting off the faint murmur of the Institute proper and leaving behind only the buzzing of the shitty overhead lights and the sound of sharp voices from further down. Tim considers, just for a moment, turning right back around and eating in the canteen instead. But Sasha arches an eyebrow at him and he sighs before following her down the stairs.
After all, he does have a running bet with her about who will win more argumentsâJon or Martin. Sashaâs currently in the lead by a hair, and that just wonât do.
âMaybe Jonâll be the one to cave first this time,â he says conversationally as they reach the bottom of the stairs. âExtra fiver says that Martin leaves him speechless?â
âOh, Iâll take that bet.â
Tim locks pinkies with Sasha and squeezes. She smirks at him, then turns and brushes past him to enter the bullpen. Tim rolls his eyes and follows her in.
Maybe itâs a bit unprofessional to place bets on the increasingly fervent arguments that Jon and Martin have been getting into lately. But the situation as a whole is probably unprofessional. Also, itâs fun, and Tim will take all the entertainment he can get down in this dark, dusty basement.
Jon doesnât seem to notice when Tim and Sasha enter. He stands with arms folded, giving Martin a glare that could peel paint off a wall. Martin, seemingly impervious to it, stares back impassively, like the entire discussion isnât worth his time. This, predictably, only seems to be riling Jon up more.
ââplease, by all means, explain to me how it makes sense that a hot dogâa hot dog, Martinâis a taco?â
Martin sighs and points to something on his desk. âIâve drawn it for you. Tacos have a container on three sides and a filling. Hot dogs have a container on three sides and a filling. Therefore, hot dogs are tacos.â
Jon opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again. Tim looks at Sasha with one eyebrow raised, and after a few more moments of stunned silence, Sasha sighs and surreptitiously slips Tim a fiver. Honestly, she could have folded it into a paper airplane and thrown it at him; the two of them still wouldnât have noticed.
âThey are completely different foods!â Jon makes a frustrated noise, like heâs exactly two seconds away from stomping his foot like an angry toddler. âAnd I suppose youâre going to tell me next that Pop-Tarts are ravioli? Or that cereal is soup?â
Martin hesitates. âWell. I mean.â
âMartin Blackwood.â
âOo, full name,â Sasha whispers. âIntense.â
âLook," Martin says, "clearly youâre a materials purist, not a form purist, which isâfine.â A pause. âWrong, but fineââ
âOh, donât youââ
Tim canât hold back a snicker when Jon snatches up a paper from Martinâs desk and folds it in half, then stuffs a pen into the crease. He holds it like itâs committed some great offense to him personally. âWell? Is this a taco?â
âJon. Donât be ridiculous. Of course not.â
Jonâs face lights up in triumph. âHa! I thought you said anything with a container on three sides and a filling is a taco?â
âIt has to be edible. Come on, Jon.â
âDonât youâdonât look at me likeâit is a perfectly reasonable rebuttal, and I will not beââ
âI mean, reasonable is a bit of a stretch, but I suppose if you were really reaching, you couldââ
âSasha.â Tim holds up his sub sandwich and wiggles it at her. âHey, Sasha. My sandwich has bread on three sides. Is it a taco?â
âThat depends. Do you think itâs a taco?â
âMm, well played, Miss James.â
Martin throws his hands up in the air and spins around in his chair so his back is to Jon. âThatâs it. Iâm not entertaining this anymore. Youâre clearly unwilling to admit that youâre wrong, so Iâll just get that follow-up for the Potts statement that you were asking for andââ
âIâm unwilling to admit that Iâm wrong?â Jon laughs humorlessly. âRight. And youâre just always right.â
âIâI mean, not always, but in this specific circumstance I really thinkââ
âOh, of course, because what you think is all that matters.â
Martin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. âNo. Iâm done.â
Jon jabs a finger at Martin. âWe are not done here. How can youâ?â
Just as Tim lifts his sandwich to his mouth to take a bite, Jonâs sentenceâreaching a tremoring crescendoâstops abruptly. Tim lowers his sandwich and turns to see Jon staring off into the distance, hand still halfway extended. Tim follows his gaze, but thereâs nothing thereâjust a blank wall with a row of haphazardly filled shelves along it. Tim is about to turn to Sasha to make some joke about Jon finally snappingâand maybe to brag about tying up the score againâwhen he hears a small hitch of breath, barely audible above the hum of the lights.
Martinâs eyes are wide, his mouth hanging half-open as he stares at that same non-existent point in the distance. Then, as Tim watches, Martin slowly uncrosses his arms and brings a hand up to his mouth. He presses his palm down tightly, like heâs trying to hold something in.
âUm,â Sasha whispers. âWhat is happening right now?â
âIâI donâtâŠâ Timâs eyes shift from Martin to Jon again, who now looks stricken. Jonâs eyes drift down and land on his hand, hovering in the air. He slowly straightens his fingers, wiggling them like heâs unfamiliar with the shape of his own hand. Before Tim can think too deeply about the implications of that, Jonâs eyes find Martin, and an expression crosses his face that Tim canât quite place.
Well. Tim can place it, actually. But it doesnât make any sense.
âM ⊠Martin?â Jon says softly.
Martinâs sharp intake of breath is audible even with his hand over his mouth. He spins quickly in his chair and just stares at Jon. Itâs such a sharp contrast from the situation literally ten seconds ago that Tim doesnât know what to do other than to just sit there and think, blankly, what the hell?
âJon?â Martin says, just as softly.
Tim gives Sasha a look that plainly says that he doesnât know what the fuck is going on. She gives him one in return that assures him that no, heâs not seeing thingsâthis strange, off-kilter scene in front of them really is happening, and it is weird.
Tim has just about gathered the wherewithal to speak up when Martin stands abruptly. His chair spins away from him, wheels squeaking on the cheap lino floor. The tension between him and Jon has reached never-before-seen levels. Tim could probably cut it with a knife. Or a particularly sharp spoon.
Then, Jon lurches forward and half-clambers atop the desk and kisses Martin, and Tim drops his sandwich.
Even more shocking, Martin kisses back. Enthusiastically. Thereâs tongue. Tim can see it. Tim is going insane.
He stands, perhaps even more quickly than Martin, and grips Sasha tightly by the shoulder. âSasha. Sasha, please tell me that you are seeing this.â
Sasha is staring wide-eyed at the Jon-and-Martin spectacle currently blowing Timâs entire mind. âWhat,â she enunciates. âThe fuck.â
Tim couldnât have said it better himself.
When the two of them finally come up for airâafter a ridiculously long period of time during which Tim feels his soul slowly ascend toward the heavensâJon cradles Martinâs face tenderly. âIâI thought that youâI thought weââ
Martin grips Jonâs forearms like if he lets go, Jon will slip away. âYouâre okay,â he says hoarsely.
Jon pinches his lower lip between his teeth and nods. âIâIâm okay. Weâre ⊠weâre okay.â Then, with a bit of a frown. âIs this ⊠are we in the Archives?â
His eyes find Timâs at the same time that Martinâs do, and they both freeze in tandem.
Tim raises a hand and waves it slowly. âHi, guys. Um. Just aâa quick question. Yeah, uh. What the hell?â
Jon, still kneeling on top of the desk and apparently incapable of removing his hands from Martinâwhat the fuckâkeeps staring at him wordlessly. Martin just echoes, âWhat the hell.â
âHey, I asked first.â
Sasha, apparently recovered from the shock of the minor miracle theyâd just witnessed, points an accusing finger at the two of them. âI knew it!â
âOh, you absolutely did not,â Tim says. âI call bullshit.â
âProve it, Stoker. You canât.â
âYou would have made a bet about how long it would take for this to happen if you knew.â
Sasha deflates slightly. âFine. Youâre no fun.â
When Tim looks back at Jon and Martin, Martin is pressing a kiss to the top of Jonâs head. Which is somehow weirder than the full-out snogging theyâd just witnessed. And which is also somehow weirder than Jon and Martin saying completely straight-faced that theyâd just gotten yearsâ worth of future memories downloaded into their brains.
Then, Martin says with a frown, âOh. We donât have our wedding rings anymore,â and Timâs brain flees his body entirely. Tim.exe has stopped working. Complete system malfunction. Reboot required immediately.
âIâm going to go make some tea,â he says faintly.
He turns and walks across the bullpen, trying to scrape together some higher brain function. Just before he reaches the corridor, he hears Sasha say nonchalantly, âSo, Jon. I have a question for you.â
âMm?â
âItâs very important. Essential, even.â
âRight. Er, goâgo ahead, then.â
Sashaâs grin is audible. âWould you say that a hot dog is a taco?â
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