#feel like my irl friends heard this a billion times but

[pap-da-coconut]

after more than 6 months of looking like this, i've successfully updated my profile pic.....procrastination is real, babes ú_🔴_u

[masivechaos]

So I know you’re not my therapist but I’m feeling so bad rn I wanna cry bc I feel like I’m distancing myself from my friends (not my choice ) and I’m scared that I would end up doing stupid and dangerous things for myself again bc I feel like I can’t trust anyone

i’m sorry i wasn’t able to respond earlier, and don’t worry you can always talk to me <3

first, i hope you are a little better now. second, what makes you feel like you are distancing from your friends? maybe once you find out you can try to find a solution. also you can be honest with them and tell them that you feel like you are distancing yourself (not on purpose) and ask them if they feel the same and maybe if they see a solution. also relationships are waves, there’re ups and downs and it’s okay! i’m pretty sure they can understand. also give yourself some time, as much as your friends are important, it’s your life and you matter more so take care of yourself first <3

i’m pretty sure you heard this a billion time but, please don’t hurt yourself, take care of yourself before anything else. if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone, you can trust yourself. again, it’s your life, you would always be there for yourself, trust yourself <3 and also what makes you think you can’t trust anyone? is it overthinking? you can also confess to your irl friends, maybe they would understand.

i know i’m not a therapist but i hope it helps. take care of yourself <3 i love you 🫂🫂

[thewheezingbubbledragon]

It has occurred to me that Tumblr can be a void with friends so my problems arent unheard, but they are out I my head

Hey howdy poodle, it's me, snickerdoodle.

What's good my fellows.

Compadres.

Amigos.

Frendos.

Frens.

Howdy.

I am very glad you exist.

Thank you for existing and caring for me.

I love you so much.

Bless you.

Thank you.

I am coming down from a 12 hour panic attack/mental shutdown/depressive episode where I was nonverbal for 8.5 hours, and when I finally started calming down I had to speak with people and stand up and walk and make food for 2 hours. So all in all. Not great.

But better.

Anywho, so There Is A Reason for my inactivity.

I mean, there are several, but theyre all highly personal and meh.

So my fam and I spent the last.. 2 months? Or more? Moving 1800 miles across the country. We have 99% of all our stuff in one (1) storage unit that is still at our old town. (We took 1 suitcase and several bags of our stuff. That is it. For months or maybe even a year. Clothes and stuff included.) I had to leave my desktop BUT I have a laptop.

I mean it's literally held together by tape and can't be unplugged and overheats faster than Satan's flambe kitchen in high summer, but it works and I can write so it's mostly good I guess?

And I have my (bad and outofservice) phone, AND ALSO AN AMAZING TABLET SOME FRIENDS COLLABORATED AND BOUGHT FOR ME AND I CAN DRAW ON IT AND I ALREADY HAVE SO MANY PICTURES I CANNOT WAIT TO POST THEM RKSLDNNFJSLSMJFKSLSKDBJDJSKSNDJPAMAJEK

But.

We... Kinda have been living in a hotel for... What, 9? Days? Bc my parents cant find a place to move to in the city we're in, and the fact I am basically Tiny Tim with art skills and a good leg doesnt help...

Anyways.

Tumblr is a silly fun way to escape reality but I dont have the energy or mental capacity or time to respond to people if they tag me (unless it's 1 sentence or less but that is still pushing it) or write or anything or even post.

I havent been sleeping well, (lol thanks asthma, allergies, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and altitude y'all are doin amazing) and I had to leave my entire irl friendgroup back home. A lot of them dont have Instagram or ways for me to contact them aside from texting.

We moved to my previous home when I was very small, but it took me almost 12 years to finally feel like I was home. And that was because of the people I met and cherished and loved. I finally had a support network.

And then I got the news we were moving 1800 miles away.

I have left the life i've spent 12 years rebuilding. Heyhey, depression when did you get here? 16 years ago? Dandy.

Long story short, i've been through all the stages of grief already but I'm still on shakey ground. (The anger stage was the fastest? Bc I dont get angry? Except at people who are genuinely bad or disrespectful towards their audience for no reason other than petty revenge or ego. I'm talking about Thomas Austruc, in case it wasnt obvious. Friggin Miraculous...) I accepted what happened, and have accepted it since about 2 weeks after I heard. I accept and adjust to things quickly and easily. Doesnt mean I like it, but I can and do adjust my mindset and lifestyle to the winds of life.

Kinda sucks at times tbh.

Bc my brain shoves the whole messy business of 'processing' side to acknowledge and move on.

Anyways, that's not the point.

Point is, I am mentally royally screwed atm. I am not medicated for any I my issues, (ADD, major depression, multiple severe anxiety issues, to name just a few of the 'nom-physical' issues) which means life is about a billion times harder to exist in. So in short: my online status will be steady but my posts? Only time will tell.

I would like to apologize for everyone who follows me @un-romancible-npc for my Chance Maribat MariDami/Daminette AU, I am working on it, but I'm also aware of my own issues right now. And I can get about... 500 words a week at the most? Because we're so busy and I'm studying for my driver's test (several years late sadly but when you can barely afford food every month it isnt as much of a concern. Dont worry, we're better off now but it's still a struggle.) and organizin everything at home, and looking after my 2 younger siblings and my big bro, who is currently practically bed-ridden and puking his guts out. Basically... I am very sorry but I cant work on it. I CAN get a snippet out once I finish the freaking 'Mari meets everyone in the lobby' scene. I havr almost 3k words for that and some stuff that follows but the friggin LOBBY SCENE I SWEAR TO PASTA--

Anyways.

Yeah.

That's why I've been gone...

HEY HOWDY HEY NOW IT'S TIME TO TAG EVERYONE I LOVE VERY MUCH AND CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH PROPERLY BC I'VE BEEN BUSY BUT I READ ALL YOUR POSTS AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH THANK YOU FOR TAGGIN ME IN ALL THE STUFF I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE ALL GORGEOUS / HANDSOME / STUNNING AND I LOVE YOU

@rogueinkglitch

@im-here-for-the-content

@kceedraws

@da-tasuky

@lady-charinette

@hetalia-lover-is-here

IF I'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR BLOG NAME I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE KNOW I STILL LOVE YOU I JUST CANNOT REMEMBER NAMES

I WOULD FORGET MY OWN NAME IF PEOPLE DIDNT CALL ME BY IT ALL THE TIME

[headoverhiddles]

Werewolf Floaties - John 5/John Lowery x Reader [Fluff]

Synopsis: After years of dancing around each other, both of you idiots wonder if the other is pining just as hard.Solution? Pool party. (Good thinking Ginger.)

Notes: No smut in this cause as I was writing, it became apparent that I can't think of John that way. Don’t know what it is, I feel like he's bff material. Oops. Accidentally friend zoned. Oh well, he's got Rita irl and they're endgame❤️

John strums an E minor on his guitar, staring up at his living room ceiling.

"I mean... does she think of me as a brother?"

Ginger shakes his head adamantly, shoving four doritos into his mouth. "No. Definitely not. No way, man."

"The more you say it, the more it sounds like bullshit," Piggy hisses. Ginger looks over to the bassist, genuinely bewildered.

"I've seen (y/n) look at John before... I don't think that's brotherly love. Or, y'know, maybe sorta like Game of Thrones, but-- she could have just been looking over his shoulder at something..."

"You're really cheering me up, here. Thanks guys." John sighs.

"Not a problemo," Ginger sets aside his empty chip bag. Piggy cuddles one of John's cats. Rob comes sauntering out of the kitchen, shaking a green, slimy looking power shake.

"Who needs some fucking cheering up, man?!" he asks, bouncing himself onto the couch beside John.

"John thinks (y/n) doesn't want his dick," Piggy supplies. Rob gives John his Disappointed Father™ look.

"That's not the only reason," John clarifies, starting to play a melancholy riff on his guitar as he speaks. "I don't think she's interested in me, outside of being a friend."

"Mm." Rob hopes that sounded sympathetic.

"--It's cause I'm so damn nice. If I told her I thought she was beautiful she'd just go, "Awww! Jooohn!" and move on."

“Wow, you sounded just like her,” Ginger murmured. 

"Just let your inner asshole out, ladies love that," Piggy suggests, "She asks for a drink or something? Tell her get it herself! Be the rock star that you are, man!"

"Ooh, refusing to get a woman a drink," Rob says, "Look out, we've got a real badass over here."

"Anyway Matt, if you did that, you'd probably cry all night and apologize," John says, rolling his eyes at the bassist. Piggy looks down.

"Most likely."

"Ask her out to a movie. Ask her out to Three From Hell, that's a great date night movie," Rob nods.

"That's not even out yet," John sighs.

"There're two prequels. Just throwing that out there."

"Pool party," Ginger suddenly blurts.

"Not now," John mutters.

"No, I think you should have a pool party, John. One, (y/n) would be in a... in a swimsuit that'll probably look very very, uh, pleasing, and two-- you could find out definitively if she likes you or not."

Piggy starts to nod, pointing. "You may be onto something, Kenny."

"I love pool parties," Rob pitches in, "Not. Hot fuckin weather. Stupid looking swim trunks. Stupid little cocktails in stupid little pineapples."

"A limitless poolside bar," Piggy grins.

"Unicorn floaties!" Everyone looks over at Ginger. "Or... werewolf floaties?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Yep."

"Totally."

John begins to play the tune to 'Everybody Hurts' on his guitar, so Rob concedes. "Sheri and I'll come. If only to show a little solidarity. I remember being back in the dating game." He shakes his head. "Fucking glad I'm married, man."

"I'm gonna pick up, like, four babes who are big into vampires," Piggy says, "Keep a room open for me John, I'm gonna need it."

"I'm not just inviting random girls," John protests.

"Can I bring my rottweilers?" Ginger smiles.

"No, your psycho rottweilers tried to eat one of my cats last time," John says.

"They'll be tethered!"

"...Fine."

---

The late summer heat beats down as your phone rings. You smile to yourself as you read the caller ID.

"John?"

"(y/n)! Hey! I'm having this... thing, like a... like a pool type thing... not the game pool, the... water."

"Oh," you say, "You're having a pool party?"

"Yeah! That's... yeah."

You're smiling like an idiot, thinking of the handsome blonde. "I'd love to come."

"Cool! Yeah, um... it's tomorrow. Everyone's gonna be there."

"Sounds good."

"Alright."

"Alright!"

You bite your lip, waiting to see if he'd say anything else.

"See ya tomorrow! I'll be on the lookout for... boys!"

You drop the phone as it goes dead, sighing to yourself. You're excited, but you wish John saw you as more than a little sister.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Rob immediately asks him. John looks around at all his band mates huddled around the phone.

"I'll be on the lookout for boys?" Piggy frowns, "Great, man. Now she thinks you're gay."

"John and I experimented during our days on tour with Manson," Ginger smiles proudly.

"To be fair, his touring environment would allow for it," Rob mumbles.

"That's not helpful Ginger, everybody does that," Piggy whispers.

"I don't!" Rob scoffs. John cuts into their little argument.

"HEY. I just meant I would be looking out for boys, like, protective wise! I'd be making sure none of them would... bother her?"

"Maybe that's why she thinks of you as a big brother," Ginger grimaces. John glares at everyone.

"What should I have said, "Hi, (y/n). Can't wait to see your tits bounce in your bikini tomorrow?""

"That would've worked," Rob nods.

"Wouldn't have been a lie, either," Piggy elbows him.

"Maybe say boobs instead of tits though," Ginger comments.

"Leave the flirting to me, and just help me get my pool ready," John says, turning. Ginger is already in the kitchen. He plops two pineapples on the cutting board and picks up a butcher knife, grinning.

"Everyone back away from the crazy drummer with the knife," Rob says.

 You tie the bikini top behind you, and check yourself in the mirror. You look great, and you know John loves boobs. If he didn't notice you (and your boobs) today, he never would.

"Hey," you smile at the mirror. "Hey, John!" you try again. "Hey, baby," you say sultrily, then groan in frustration. Faced with him opening the door for you, all you'll be able to do is abrasively grunt anyway.

Exiting your beachside apartment, you hop into your convertible, toss on some Sabbath from your Bluetooth, and start off toward the Lowrey mansion.

 John looks at himself in the mirror. "She likes you," he pep talks himself. "If she didn't like you, she wouldn't talk to you. Simple as that. She wouldn't even be coming to this party if she hated you!" He frowns. "Why would she hate you?" That was a bad question to ask himself. As a billion possible answers to that flooded his brain, he heard a very loud, very vicious barking from downstairs, and the hybrid of a scream and a hiss from one of his cats.

"Ginger's dogs must be here," John smiles tightly.

Downstairs, Piggy is gelling and combing his hair for the tenth time, and watching the mirror.

"Ging! Fangs, or no fangs?" he asks, trying on the prosthetics. One of John's cats jumps onto Piggy's shoulder.

"What?" Ginger asks, trying to corral his rottweilers as they gnaw on John's couch.

"You're right," Piggy grins, "Always fangs."

Outside, Rob and Sheri are chilling under an umbrella by the large pool. The hedges are all perfectly trimmed, and the backyard fountains look great. Music is already playing, and everyone is set to have a good time.

"Come in with me, sweetie," Sheri pouts, stripping down to her purple bikini, "I'm sure the water's just fine."

"Go for it."

"Come on!"

"I don't do swimming," Rob mutters, hiding behind his beanie and sunglasses. Sheri frowns.

"Stop being such a grump and come in." Rob cautiously takes off his Svengoolie shirt, crossing his arms.

"My dreads take forever to dry."

"That's okay."

"I'm too hot."

"Your wet dreads will cool you off."

"I'll get sunburned."

"I'll protect you," Sheri giggles, jumping on his back. Rob can't help but laugh too as she kicks him forward to jump in.

 You get out of your car at John's. You see a bunch of cars already there, and take a deep breath. You'd been here a hundred times before, but it was different this time. This time you'd do something about your crush.

Now or never.

"A daiquiri, my lady?" Ginger asks you, surprising you with a banana cocktail right in front of your face.

"Don't call her 'my lady' Kenny, Jesus Christ," Piggy hisses, "It's creepy!"

"Well geez, I was just being nice..."

"Hey! You're creepy, you fanged asshole," you shoot back, and Piggy grins, jogging over and fist bumping you. You give Ginger a big tight hug, and accept the drink graciously. Daiquiris might not be your drink of choice, but you'll take anything right now to ease your nerves.

"So John's upstairs getting ready," Ginger tells you, slapping his thighs excitably, "Uhhh, probably talking to himself in the mirror and stuff, telling himself you--"

Piggy hits him. "Eh, you know how John is with his hair and stuff." You raise an eyebrow at Piggy's own overly-styled hair, but smile.

"Sure. I gotta get to the pool, man, I'm hot as fuck."

"That you are," Piggy grins, and you give him the finger.

"(y/n)!" Sheri shrieks, and gets out of the pool to run over.

"No, don't leave me!" Rob calls. You strip down to your bathing suit, tossing your clothes, and hug Sheri.

"I feel like it's been forever!" you say.

"I know! I've been so busy with Rob and Three From Hell, I haven't had any time to see my friends. I'm so glad you made it. I know John's excited to have you here."

"That's an understatement," Rob muttered, floating just above the surface like a lake monster. Sheri turns to him, her look saying 'I will drown you'. Rob takes the hint, and shuts up.

"Hey stranger," you get into the pool, and swim over to Rob.

"Hey you," Rob smirks, "How you been?"

"Keeping busy." You grab a Mummy floatie, "How was the tour?"

"Oh, it rocked. Yeah, no rifts with Manson this time, which was nice."

As you three chat in the pool, John comes downstairs in his Frankenstein swim trunks. He takes his T-shirt off, and Piggy pretends to faint into Ginger's arms. Ginger, bless his heart, actually thinks he's fainted.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yes, just..."

"Oh god. She's in the pool," John says, and Ginger frowns.

"Yeah. Is that an issue, man?" Piggy stifles laughter. John ducks his head in laughter.

"No, Kenny. I'm just... flustered. A little."

"Hey. Hey, it's gonna be okay," Ginger slaps a hand on his shoulder. "Man, I spent your player years on tour as your wingman. I know you've got the moves."

"Care to describe these moves, Kenny?" Piggy asks.

"Oh, well he's got this thing that he does where he looks at you with those eyes and just--"

"I love you but I'm leaving. Bye," John smirks, pushes through them, and walks toward the pool. He clears his throat, and tries to come off casual.

"Hey, (y/n)."

You look up, regarding John. He looks amazing-- shoulder length blonde hair swept by the wind, beard trimmed, sexy eyes squinting in the sun. All the gorgeous tattoos on his chest are such a turn on, too. He's been your friend for ages, and though you've always harbored a crush, you never remember him being this hot. You try to remember words.

"John! Hey, come on in."

"Yeah! Totally. Good idea." John gets in, and Sheri shoots Rob a look. Rob shrugs.

"I'm in now, I'm not getting out."

Sheri intensifies her look. Rob glances down at a non existent watch.

"Ohh, look at the time, I think it's--"

"Vegan lemon drops o'clock!" Sheri giggles, and Rob closes his mouth.

"Uh, sure. That, mmm. Woah!" She yanks him out of the pool, and the two head over to the bar in search of more cocktails. This leaves you and John alone.

"God damn, this freezing pool is making my balls shrivel up," John mentions, and you laugh.

"Fortunately, I don't have that problem."

"Nah, you've just got..." John glances down at where your nipples are starting to peak, and you see him bite his lip ever so slightly before looking away. Bingo.

"You like my bathing suit? It's new," you tell him.

"Very becoming of you," he nods. "Really, I love it."

"You don't look so bad yourself."

"Yeah?" He swims a little closer to you. "I'm actually hating this water. Wanna check out the hot tub? I've got it at a real nice setting."

"Let's do it," you say, and take his hand, swimming to the shallow end with him. John takes a deep breath as you get out of the pool in front of him, watching as the water drips from the swimsuit clinging to your body. You turn, and walk with him to the hot tub surrounded by fountains.

"Look at them," Piggy says, "They're finally cozying up!"

"Leave them alone," Rob mutters, "They need to put up a curtain or something."

"Hey, we like (y/n), we want John to get with her so she can come on tour with us," Ginger points out.

"So. This is so strange for me to be in here without a guitar," John laughs, putting his arm around you. Your eyes widen a little, and you freeze. Is he doing that to be friendly?

"You play guitar in the hot tub?"

"Oh, yeah. It's a good way to get electrocuted, but it's also a good spot to practice. And hey, if you're not risking electrocution while playing, are you really metal?"

You grin. "When aren't you playing guitar?"

"When I'm talking to you," John admits, turning fully toward you. "You require my full attention. (y/n), there's something I gotta tell you."

"Yeah?" You bite your lip.

Just then, the patio door opens.

"I am fashionably late but HERE!"

Everyone turns to find Manson standing there. All at once, John regrets inviting him.

"Awww, look at you two!" Marilyn calls over to the hot tub, "Kissy kissy kissy sex time! Hey (y/n)!" You wave to him.

"Manson? Get over here," Rob practically drags the new guest over to the bar, knowing that is where he can keep him best distracted.

John turns back to you.

"Well. That was--"

"Before you tell me what you were going to tell me. Do you think of me as a sister?"

You blurt out the question, dying to definitively know the answer so you could stop second guessing yourself.

"A sister?" John laughs a little. "I think of you as my best friend!"

Your face falls, and you feel like such an idiot for falling into this whole thing head over heels. Of course he doesn't like you like that. You're just reading too far into it, as usual.

"--a best friend who I wish was more than a best friend." You hesitate, and look up at him as he second guesses himself. "D...Do you think of me as a brother?"

"N-No!"

He sighs. "(y/n), I've felt this way for years, but it never seemed like the right time to tell you. I think you're really cute. And, sexy. Really sexy. Like... I can't stop thinking about you."

"I..." you shake your head, "John, I..."

He swallows. "Okay, now you're making me nervous. Thumbs up, or down?" He gives a shaky laugh.

You straddle him underwater, sitting on his lap and cupping his cheeks.

"John Lowery. I've wanted to be your monster girl since the day you asked me what my favourite Karloff movie was." He smiles. "Be the Lily to my Hermann?"

"If you'll be the Gomez to my Morticia."

You press your lips to his again, and as he wraps one arm around you, he uses the other to pull a success fist.

Hollering erupts from the bar, and you two turn to see everyone clapping, pumping their fists, and celebrating.

"Wooooh, John and (y/n) are finally gonna fuck, cocaine for everyone!" Marilyn calls.

"Manson, no."

"But Robert!"

"No."

You and John giggle, turning to each other again in your own little world. John plays with your hair, looking down to admire how you look in your swimsuit.

"I think you're perfect. Like... Paul Stanley's guitar perfect."

You draw back, putting a playfully shocked hand on your chest. "To receive a compliment like that... overwhelming!"

He swims over to catch you again, and kisses your cheek, chasing you as you dip underwater.

"Ah! Help, lifeguard!" you shout, laughing, and oh no-- here comes Ginger to save the day.

[sophrosinn]

the (un)lucky ones

story description:

“the story’s great, but I think it would be better if the story ended like this”

Affronted at the audacity of the comment, she furiously replies, “then write your own story, asshole!”

word count: 2,048

a/n: happiest solar anniversary to one of my best girls @vanaera! thank you for being the bestest friend a girl could ever ask for. this short story, which is loosely based irl, serves as my gift to you. i hope you’ll like it! 

shout-out to @senfleurs for being the best gal and helping me out with this. she even stepped up and edited this omg, and i cannot stress how much I’m thankful, lol especially she made sure that I get to finish this on time

—

3.

In retrospect, she knows better than to let some dumb comment, especially from someone on the Internet, rile her up this much. Even her followers tell her as much: it’s unwarranted, insensitive even. One of her followers, hippopopo tries to take it a step further, justifying by saying, verbatim: It’s her story anyway!!! So only she knows how the story should end best, okay! 😤😠💢

(in actuality, she has qualms about that, mostly because she had read some books which she thought didn’t end well. but that would take time to unpack and this story isn’t about that, no. she’s flattered at the support, nonetheless.)

And yet, there she is at 8 in the morning, her fingers furiously gliding across her keyboard as she writes a spite-filled story in response. Oftentimes, her muse for writing comes from movies she watched with her family, or from songs she heard on Korean dramas, or those meet-cute scenarios she gushed about with her best friends. This time, however, spite’s her main gal.

She finishes at 10. Later at 4 in the afternoon, she posts it. About an hour later, she doesn’t even try to contain the smirk lighting up her face when a familiar notification pops up.

—

1.

The story starts with an inconspicuous like from a user named agust-d five months ago. Back then, she thought nothing of it. A day later, agust-d comments on a story from her drabble series. Since then, every day without fail, agust-d leaves a small token of their appreciation for her works; brief, concise comments such as, “nice job on the flower descriptions,” or “i liked it.” 

Belatedly, she wonders if agust-d is a person of few words, because why else would they leave comments with only six words or less, even on her works with over 30k words? Don’t get her wrong, of course she’s eternally grateful for all the support she receives from her affectionate dears. But sometimes, especially on days her self-confidence plummets and she’s in need of reassurance, she ponders if all her efforts are for naught. (of course not, never, she gently reminds herself.)

And each day, she resists the growing urge to reply: don’t you have anything more to say!!! (but alas, she isn’t a rude person—unless provoked—she can’t so she settles with letting her mind wander.)

Three months of this and she finally caves in. With her interest piqued, she browses through agust-d’s posts. After two hours, she learns that agust-d goes by suga online. Coincidentally, Suga is a male student at the same university she’s currently attending. For a moment, she briefly considers a possibility—what are the chances that they’ve met, have fallen into step alongside each other, have passed by him in the large hallways, or have shared her table with him at the library during exam season? The possibility of knowing someone without actually knowing them? 

(that’s the funny thing about the online world, she supposes. you may know all that matters about someone: their likes, dislikes, kinks, fears, and horrid taste in music, absolutely everything except that one thing that matters the most: their names.)

Suga, she eventually learns, is not a man of few words. In truth, he’s got a few words too many to say about a diverse range of controversial topics. In his words, his passion burns bright and clear, but for her, he doesn’t shine any brighter than when he talks about music. It shows in his blog, which consists of a myriad of album reviews across different genres (fascinating, she notes, their music interests align as well).

Occasionally, he posts his renditions of some popular rap music, and as sporadic as this happens, she admits that his covers are her favorite part of his blog. And naturally, she refuses to acknowledge that it has everything to do with her fascination with deep, raspy voices, which, (un)fortunately for her, Suga undoubtedly has.

After some serious debating with herself, she decides to not follow him back. But she makes sure to check his profile every other day for no real reason, really, her soul wallowing in denial. In her defense, when did anyone need a reason to stalk someone?

And so, it begins, her fascination with this stranger on the other side of the screen. Never in her whole life did she imagine herself harboring a (teeny-tiny, infinitesimal) crush towards someone on the Internet. Certainly, she knows there’s always a one-in-a-thousand chance that it happens in real life, it’s just that out of all the 7 billion people in the world, she wasn’t expecting herself to be the (un)lucky one.

—

2.

The fateful day begins like any other. She wakes up to a brand new day, at 7 am, and like clockwork, she begins to stretch atop her pink yoga mat. Halfway through her workout, her phone pings with a new notification. Immediately, her phone screen lights up: agust-d has left a comment on your work!

Her traitorous heart skips a beat in the utmost display of betrayal. It’s Suga!

Ever since she scrolled through his blog two months ago, she has been exchanging messages with Suga. Her covert mission to surreptitiously listen to his song covers ends miserably when she accidentally double-clicks on a post he made two years ago. A string of expletives followed as she stared agonizingly at the post. She attempts to remove her blunder, but soon accepts defeat as it doesn’t even take a full minute until she receives a message notification from Suga. The internal debate resumes as her finger clumsily hovers on the computer mouse and she hesitantly clicks. From thereon, the rest, as they say, is history.

She ends up following his account the day after.

Although, if she were being truthful, all they’ve been sending back and forth are pleasantries. Suga seems hellbent on keeping the conversations polite and distant. She doesn’t understand, it’s not like she’s flirting with him! All she just wants is a compelling conversation with someone (because the Lord knows how much she needs an intellectual to talk to; and suga seems like an intellectual, if his posts are anything to go by).

She unlocks her phone and throws herself onto her bed. Normally, her lips quirk up automatically in response to seeing his name pop on her notifications, but it is not the case for this time. Instead, a frown mars her forehead as she reads his comment.

agust-d: the story’s great, but I think it would be better if the story ended like this

For a moment, she can’t believe her eyes. She blinks a few more times in the hope that her eyes were just playing tricks on her. Nada, it remains the same. 

If there’s one thing to know about her, it’s that she meticulously plans out every detail in her stories. She even spends weeks to outline a draft, and even then, it must be decent enough before she puts it in writing. Publishing her works online, for all the world to see, still intimidates her even after all this time. Not knowing how people will respond to her works frightens her, but what is life without a little fear?

In addition, she’s receptive to constructive criticisms, but criticisms that come from those she looks up to? It’s a bitter pill to swallow sometimes. Suga—he’s become one of those people, and seeing his comment really hurt. She turns her phone off and does her chores for the time being. The moment she logs back in, she is taken aback by the multitude of comments expressing the same sentiment. 

bubbleboy: “Yeah, I agree, I think it would be best if the story ended in this manner.” 

She can’t help but feel the bubble of anger gradually rising. Another even started with, 

orange-gloss: “No offense, but the ending being suggested by others is kinda good.” 

The audacity and the entitlement in this comment! Asking her to not be offended when it is within her right to take offense is absolutely laughable. Furthermore, who are you to even tell me how I should react? 

When she reaches the 20th comment, she explodes. The next two hours find her furiously typing out a decent response disguised as a story, albeit with passive-aggressiveness, addressed to all of the comments, but primarily to the one left by Suga. She talks to the rude commenters with the sweet addition of a phrasing 101 lesson. In her contained rage, she ends with the note: remember, it doesn’t hurt to be nice, and if you have qualms about how I ended my own story, do me and yourself a favor and write your own story!

She makes up her mind to take some time off her blog for a while. But after a familiar notification pops up at 5 PM, she resists the urge to run away and instead, opts to open the messages he sent.

agust-d: i’ll admit, the way I said it was rude

agust-d: but I stand with what I said

agust-d: you should consider the possibility as well

seen

(In hindsight, she realizes that, for once, Suga’s comment surpasses 25 words.)

—

4. 

After the whole debacle with the barrage of rude comments and her consequent outburst, everything has never been the same. Understandably, some of her fans have left since then, but the majority stayed with her and for that, she’s eternally grateful. Although she still publishes her stories and interacts with her followers, a certain emptiness fills her at times. 

A part of her thinks it has a lot to do with Suga, who she doesn’t talk to anymore. She… doesn’t know how to respond to him after her outburst. In a span of a moment, she manages to both defend her honor and drag agust-d through the mud, which was never her intention to begin with. Okay, well, maybe just a little bit. But she’s hurt, so it only makes sense to retaliate.

If only she could easily strike back in her current situation. 

Unbeknownst to her, someone with the handle void-mayo tags her on a malicious post the night before, calling her out for being fake. Apparently, she’s a ‘copycat writer wanna-be with no real ideas of her own.’

She only discovers it when her followers start sending her messages of reassurance and appreciation. Of course, she checks the post at once, reading carefully and taking in everything that was written. (Shit, at least I have a better username, she muses). And not for the first time, she feels hurt, uneasy, and anxious at the same time. Void-mayo is already an established writer, with years of exposure under her belt and a large army of rabid fans at her disposal. Meanwhile, she’s just started her writing blog. And although she’s diligent, thorough, and ensures that each of her stories has its own personality and flavor, most of void-mayo’s fans wouldn’t care. She can’t risk losing her credibility over a baseless accusation such as this! 

And with that, she feels anger bubbling from the pit of her stomach. She doesn’t get the purpose behind the destructive post. She gets humiliated, her reputation tarnished, and worse just because she had written a similar scene with an ice cream . It certainly doesn’t help that others are quick to join in calling her names and ‘cancelling her’ without even bothering to check the facts. 

And as she contemplates on how to proceed with such a delicate situation, her dashboard refreshes. At the top, she notices that agust-d reblogs void-mayo’s post with the addition of his response and for once, the word count exceeds 100.

—

5. 

In a roundabout way of saying sorry and expressing her gratitude, she proceeds to write the ending Suga requested. And illuminated by the dim light of her laptop screen, she can begrudgingly admit that he does have a point; his version of the ending does make sense.

—

fin.

—

omake

agust-d: so am i forgiven yet?

you: i don’t know

you: maybe you’ll have to make it up to me

you: and get me some coffee first?

you: 😉

—

a/n pt. 2: happiest birthday to you again! i’m so grateful to have met you in this lifetime. truly, like you’re the best. even if your internet connection’s always shitty, you always find ways to join our chats and discord parties. just thank you, for all the countless laughs that i’ve had with (and because of) you, for the counsel with my writing, and for the stories and advice you’ve willingly shared with us. here’s to our three years of friendship and counting! i love you so much! enjoy this day and stay safe! 

p.s. keep rocking and keep writing! we’ll always be here with you! muah! ❤️❤️❤️

p.p.s. hihi 🦆🍄

[ship-obsessions]

Thoughts on 6x01 & 6x02

Season 6 spoilers ahead...

6x01

- Ugh I hate the Spacekru gang up on Clarke... like she’s saved ALL of your asses a billion times, jesus give her a break. Also if you all would just COMMUNICATE we wouldn’t have these issues!! Especially annoyed that Murphy is against her though... like WTF I was sure he’d come around after Bellamy. Surprised yet loved Echo low key sticking up for Clarke though.

- Season 1 parallels!! Miller mentioning “We’re back, bitches” had me smiling so hard. Wish they would have thrown in a callback to the first Bellarke convo with “The air could be toxic” but I guess we can’t have it all...

- Murphy diving into the water and then pulling Emori in with him made me so happy. Also reminded me of the first “mission” on Earth when Octavia jumped in the water and got attacked. I wonder if that crossed Clarke’s mind but she didn’t say anything because no one from that day was there (and 3 of the 5 are dead 😔)

- Shaw, NO! I honestly did not expect that to happen. I more concerned for Raven’s sake though. She is going to be so sad just as she was FINALLY starting to be happy again. Ugh I just want her to have happiness like she deserves but also so she can stop hating Clarke and blaming others for her trauma.

- Okay but Clarke AGAIN risking herself to go after Shaw and turn the fence off... and Bellamy’s “NO CLARKE STAY BACK!” Man, he’s going to continue to have a tough time keeping her alive again...

- God I love John Murphy. From breaking into the houses nonchalantly to singing along and trying to dance with Emori. He’s the best (Now just forgive Clarke already)

- The Bellarke convo about the radio calls was so pure and had me crying I’m so happy. Clarke’s face when Bellamy mentioned them and the relief when he told her that Madi mentioned them... yo she was worried he heard something. Like what did you say on those calls, Clarke??!? Then after she tries to explain them and says he probably thinks she’s crazy and he just whispers “it’s not crazy” I swear my heart stopped. Of course he had to throw in a joke after though because my OTP can’t handle too much serious emotion when it comes to one another. (Like me IRL)

- Omg the eclipse induced psychopathy I was honestly thinking it would happen later from the trailer (idk why) but I’m so glad we get this over and out of the way.

- I love having the adventure squad together again it seriously fills my heart! I’m getting season 1 vibes again by going back and forth from the kids on the ground to the “adults” in space. Love it

6x02

- Okay yes Bellamy, Clarke and Murphy locked in a room, here for it. And you TELL EM Clarke! Finally appreciate her standing up for herself but honestly girl go off you constantly save EVERYONE and they still have the nerve to hate you for the decisions you’re forced to make. I’d like to see someone else try to lead and save the goddamn world. And don’t think I missed the “When I’m in charge, people die. Isn’t that what you said?” subtle line directed at Bellamy. Damn... 125+ years later and Hakeldama is STILL a major plot point.

- Damn, Octavia really hates herself behind this mask. She was asking for that fight, the pain is the only thing making her feel alive. But please, the whole “I saved you” shit... come on. She’s so power hungry and delusional. If anyone saved them it’s fucking Clarke.

- Raven is so smart to wake Diyoza. I love how Diyoza immediately goes into war mode and makes a plan of attack. She is def needed and should become an essential member of the team. Although I appreciated Raven’s input on the plan to make sure it was too ~murdery~. They actually made a pretty good team.

- Wasn’t that surprised that Echo couldn’t handle the psychosis and tranquilized herself. Now comparing to how Clarke’s psychosis was only attacking herself and she STILL pulled through it... Just saying it’s clear who is mentally stronger and there is a reason Clarke has been a natural leader all this time. Aka she’s never been selfish and is always trying to help everyone else.

- My poor Clarke! Her psychosis of her mom telling her to just kill herself was heartbreaking. Also makes me wonder why that was her reaction to the toxin. Like it says it makes you turn people you love and that was clear for Emori & Murphy (& Bellamy with Clarke later hehe), but rather than that, she goes after herself. And we damn well know that she loves her friends, especially Bellamy, so I’m curious to know if there is a reason why.

- Of course! Madi fits through the vents, duh. I felt real dumb for not seeing that coming. Lol

- Omg so much happening with this crazy fighting sequence of Murphy and Clarke v Bellamy. I hate yet love it at the same time. My new OT3

- NO BELLAMY GET OFF OF CLARKE. Omg he is going to regret this so much when they are fine again...

- Adventure squad 2.0 hits the ground. This time Octavia was the stowaway instead of Bellamy. Hmm more season 1 parallels, me like

- Oh god, who has to explain what happened to Shaw to Raven...

- That aerial shot of Bellamy, Clarke and Murphy with Bellarke TANGLED together... yes! Love it, here for it, give me more

- Bellamy’s face when he remembers what he did to Clarke had me DEAD. And her simple touch to his arm to let him know without words that they are okay... They have to address that in the next episode, PLEASE

- The cliffhanger ending with the children asking if they are here to take them home was crazy but my real question is: Where the hell are all of these children’s parents??

I’m honestly glad that about 60% of the trailer was made up of scenes from those first 2 episodes (as it should), because that means there is SO MUCH more for us to enjoy. Omg this is going to be one hell of a season and I CANNOT WAIT.

[no-d4y-but-tod4y]

First off, I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THE QUESTIONS!! Dude, ahem, right and now I am composed, I ask you all of the IRL Thinking Game Asks, because I'm legit about to do them all and I refuse to the be the only one *Mega hugs* I bet your answers are going to be awesome. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 & 10 if we have to be official :D lol

WAIT Y O U WROTE THE QUESTIONS??? Lmao I had no idea! Hahahaha. Well good job!

You want me to answer all of them?? Lmao. Here goes nothing...

1) Has your FO ever caught you off guard IRL, and if so, what was your reaction? (So we are looking for moments where you saw their advertising in an unexpected place, or they were mentioned by someone unexpectedly, etc? And how you reacted to that).

Yes! All the time! Sometimes it’s easy to forget just how transcendent in popular culture rocky horror actually is. SO many people know the film and so many have seen the show. The longest theatrical release in cinematic history with the biggest cult following!

Rocky horror references do often pop up in tv shows, movies and on social media in general, and while few are directly referencing frank it still makes my heart go !!! when I’m just enjoying my day and I see it.

One time I specifically remember was when I was actually doing Christmas shopping, on my own just going in all the stores and having a good time. And I went into HMV and there was an ‘essential musicals’ section right at the front and guess who was taking up the entire display 👀 and I literally said ‘oh my god’ out loud so I hope nobody heard me!

2) If someone visited your house without any prior knowledge of your FO, would they be able to work out the connection through the items you own? (In other words, how any depictions of your FO are their in your house, and would it be obvious to a complete stranger that you love them?)

I guess so? I think they’d clock that I was a fan of rocky horror but maybe not the whole f/o thing. I have a signed picture of Tim Curry as Frank in my room and I have the film on DVD which I’ve watched five billion times. I have a cast signed DVD cover too with splices of the film reel in the frame, but I haven’t decided what to do with that one yet because you can only see them when the light is shining behind them lmao. And I guess if anyone read my fanfic they’d realise too. But most people know I love rocky horror/love frank because it’s all I talk about rather than material possessions lmao.

3) For those who are creatively minded: Where do you get your muse from? Just how do you create your awesome artwork/stories, and what inspires you?

Uhh, well I’m gonna go with my fanfic for this one because it’s the only thing to do with frank that I’ve created lmao. It’s still not finished by the way, but two years in the making! And I guess I wanted to start one because I’d been reading loads and although they were very good I didn’t feel like the depiction of frank was always accurate (or the way I imagined him to be). And I’ve always wanted to be a writer of some sort and I thought I could at least practice with something I already know and like. I didn’t expect to fall in love with it however and I’m still doing it now!

And I studied Media for two years, so I was always watching films and analysing scripts and shit like that, and being exposed to all that art all the time was really inspiring to me. I wanted to be like them, and I still do. If you choose to read my fic following on from this post, lemme know and say hi!

4) Angst: Have you ever struggled with the knowledge that you and your FO might never inhabit the same world?

Y E S. Some people might already know that I was conflicted about doing this for ages because as much as I understand selfshipping doesn’t hurt anyone, I didn’t wanna start longing for something I couldn’t have and then constantly feeling deprived. I WON’T catch feelings, I WON’T.

Lol what an idiot.

And I guess I just,,,love frank so much. And I think about him all the time. The turning point for me was definitely seeing him on stage, and having him that close to me sort of thing. And while I know that was just an actor - a normal guy with a kick ass singing voice dressed up - like, for those two hours,,,,it was really him? You know?? And then i got SO sad and emotional in the two weeks or so afterwards because I missed it so much and then I kind of had to accept that maybe this is a real thing now huh.

I would love to know what he’s really like and ask him shit and find out if he’s been in touch with me this whole time as well. But ultimately I’d wanna know if he’s proud of me. That’s the only thing that matters really.

5) If the Fates granted you a year with your FO in whichever world you wanted, at the cost of forgetting about them once that year was over, would you take them up on the offer?

I think I would? Based on what I just said in the previous ask and because if I forgot frank existed I wouldn’t have anything to miss? Although I’d have a feeling I’d wait till next year/my 21st because I’m still dealing with a lot of shit and I’d want to get that out the way first so I could really enjoy my time with him and not have to worry about anything else.

6) On the subject of Fates: Was the meeting between you and your most prominent FO ordained by Fate, or was it something you sought out? (In other words, did you fall in love easily and quickly, or did the Universe conspire against you to make this the person you now love?)

Uhhh....I don’t know? Basically what happened was I watched the film for the first time when I was 13. Secretly. And I didn’t tell anyone. Because I’d heard of it vaguely and recognised the title and of COURSE I knew the Time Warp, but everyone around me who ever mentioned it talked as if it were a bad thing, or a bit gross and weird? So I thought it was a bad thing to be watching it, however I was still intrigued so I did. AND I WAS ALSO BATTLING WITH THE WHOLE LIKING MEN WHO LOOKED LIKE WOMEN THING (because I thought I was abnormal to be thinking that and THAT was wrong as well) so when frank came out I was like gee. Thanks for that.

It was easy for me to not talk about it and to just get on with my life as normal until I turned about 15 when I watched the live show broadcast from London to cinemas around Britain and on TV as well. And don’t tell frank but THAT got the ball rolling for me. Seeing him as a real person reacting to what people were saying and doing made it harder for me to ignore those feelings if you catch my drift. So I kind of tested the water and luckily most people were like cool beans.

But when I went to college and everyone was relieved to finally be themselves I LET IT ALL GO and it became my BRAND to be obsessed with frank. And I loved it.

Gee. Which one do you guys think this is?

7) How often, when you are out and about alone, do you imagine your FO is with you? And what is the best imagining you’ve had recently?

ALL THE TIME. Literally every day. I’m an anxious person and small things continuously set me off so imagining a tall strong intimidating looking person but who’s a softie for me is really really comforting. And it helps with my daily life because I can make a conscious effort to Be More Frank. Aka, not give a flying fuck!

My favourite imagine is hearing ab enormous crash and finding frank folded up like a human pretzel in my wardrobe n we’re both like 😳. But then I’d be like huh guess you’re staying with me now, so I take him to work with me and introduce him to everyone and maybe let him have a go at what I do like a take your kid to work day. And then I’d show him around to all my favourite places and introduce him to my friends and since they all know how obsessed I am they’d be like no waaaaaayyyyy. For some reason he’d have a loaf of his own bags already packed so I’d love to do a kind of unboxing video and see all the stuff frank would take with him if he was going on holiday. I’d teach him how to use public transport n I’d get him a phone and teach him how to use it and get set up on all the apps and I would LOVE TO SEE WHAT HE POSTS and something else I’d love to do is give him some money and be like it’s yours buy whatever you want and then unbox all the bags he comes back with.

Not much then! Hehe.

8) If you were given the ability to legally marry your FO tomorrow, IRL, would you do it? And if you would, who would you invite, and if you wouldn’t, do you think it is something you would ever do?

I don’t think I would. Neither of us are keen on the idea of being tied down to anything. I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I love him and aside from getting to wear a pretty dress and an entire day of attention, I don’t think frank is too fussed either!

Plus he can do all that shit at home hehe.

9) What do you imagine your life be like now, if your FO had never been in it?

I don’t know how to say this without sounding horrible but I don’t think it would be hugely different. Because I was so young when I ‘met’ him I don’t think it makes a difference, because no one can guess what their life is going to be like at 13.

Something that I do think would be different is I probably would have given in to social pressures and gotten myself a bf had I not toyed with this idea. I’ve been been interested in a bf/gf relationship, and having this to sort of account for what I would otherwise be experiencing without actually having to experience it? Sign me up.

10) And a happy one: Your FO manages to make contact with you in our world and leaves you a message on a mirror/other flat surface, what does the message say, and is that surface ever washed again?

Hi darling! I’m honoured to see you’ve kept me in your thoughts for all these years - although it’s worth saying you’ve always been in mine. I know I can’t be near you all the time but I hope you can sense when I am. I know you get scared sometimes but rest assured that I am keeping an eye on you and I’d never let anything bad happen to you. It’s no secret that you’re afraid of failing or being left behind while others accomplish their dreams but I know you can do this and I think you know it too - you just need a bonk on the head sometimes. Whatever happens, I’m proud of you. I’ve always been proud of you.

If you are not too long, I’ll wait for you all my life.

Love,

Frankie 💋

( @dclehnsherr )

[outrotearbias]

completely inadequate and semi-incomprehensible concert post:

it was in fact raining the entire time and extremely cold but my best friend brought rain ponchos which literally saved our lives and also i lost touch with my physical form as soon as dionysus started so it’s cool

the only thing that actually did really suck about the rain (other than it just sucking in general) is that they didn’t do things like jungkook didn’t fly and they didn’t go on the bouncy slide. but to be fair most concerts don’t have flying or bouncy slides so, again, it’s cool

i genuinely couldn’t wild out to dionysus as much as i wanted because it was the first song and i was shook to my fucking core that i was staring at them to the point that i lost all other senses including hearing. also i was highkey so worried about them slipping on stage (they didn’t!!! thank god)

ok i’m not going to go through every song but i was in particular blown to pieces by each and every solo performance. of course i loved the ensemble songs to death and they were also incredible performances but there’s just something about being able to truly focus on one member at a time. it really hits in a different way

namjoon is the finest man i’ve ever seen in my life on god i’ve never felt a presence like his in my life. every time he looked in the camera i felt so disrespected like this man. he is literally not real

jin’s vocals actually knocked me off my fuckin feet, like i’ve always thought he has a nice voice but. i’m not kidding he literally has some of the best vocals i’ve ever heard live. if i read that statement a week ago i honestly would not have believed it but i’m a truly changed woman. my sister was lowkey a jin anti lmfao but she’s completely changed by his performance. epiphany was literally a religious experience. i truly think saw god in that moment.

hobi is literally. there are no words for this man. people are really really not joking when they say he OWNS the stage. if someone paid me a billion dollars to look away from him during just dance for half a millisecond i wouldn’t’ve been able to. what the fuck is up with that dude like. what the fuck. the things he did to me are NOT okay.

i am now sexually attracted to jimin and i do not want to talk about it .

jungkook’s stage presence really caught me off guard for some reason like he is powerful as hell and it’s REALLY something

tae is the only one who didn’t surprise me in any way. i KNEW how that bitch was gonna be and he lived up to every expectation exactly. i can’t remember singularity at all, i went into the most lust-fuelled rage of my goddamn life

yoongi. i really genuinely cannot explain this man’s aura. literally the only word that gets somewhat close is healing. i actually can’t write about it like....he’s exactly how you’d think he is but just seeing that it’s actually REAL is so fucking overwhelming and i don’t know what to do w how much i love him it is completely unsustainable. also his vocals really sounded different to me irl but in a really good way and it’s like ok can we get some recording technology that actually captures that specific tone PLEASE.

i feel like i should mention outro: tear here but i really already summed it up. really really not cute sob fest and it felt like it was 0.2 seconds long and i still can’t believe that i actually saw it

the energy there was just so good and i know that sounds obvious but truly they felt so genuine in their love and happiness

every time a member came up to the corner of the stage that was close to me i really felt all my organs liquify. hobi and yoongi in particular tbh like whatever they were radiating annihilated me

my expectations were HIGH and they still somehow exceeded them, both in my impressions of them as people and in their performances

there’s so much more but this is already stupidly long and obnoxious and i don’t know what else to say other than they are so so so beautiful and talented and know how to put on an incredible, incredible show. which all goes without saying but seeing and hearing it is. an Experience and ik this is corny to say but i really really hope that everyone gets to see them someday

[tassium]

#TAYLOR SWIFT APPRECIATION LIFE

PART 1 - Self Titled

Buckle up, ladies and gentleworms: We'll be spending the week leading up to the release of Lover looking back over the history with Our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift. This is very much inspired by the lovely people at @stateofswiftpod​ (which if you haven't listened to, you NEED TO - this trio is a DELIGHT) and is going to basically be my own lonely solo version of what they do.

SO ANYWAY.

First stop on our journey is Taylor's self titled album. Get comfy, get a snack, maybe a @taylorswift​ themed drink.... and get in, losers, we're going swiftie.

1. Tim McGraw

Listen, I gotta be honest. This song has never been among my list of of Top Taylor Songs, not even when this was the only album of tracks of hers. Don't get me wrong, I don't DISLIKE this song. There's some great lines in it ("a month of tears and thanking god that you weren't here to see my like that" does get me every time), some great metaphorical connections (“when you think happiness, I hope you think that little black dress” is my favorite) and I do think she delivers a good vocal performance on it. There’s a lot of cool melodic choices in the second half that I’m into. Overall.... not my favorite. We’ll get to that.

2. Picture To Burn

Listen, anyone who says Picture to Burn is anything less than a BANGER can physically fight me in the Denny's parking lot. I have a VIVID memory of the first time I ever heard this song: 13 years old, in the back of my mom's car, with my portable CD player and headphones, feeling like the ultimate badass. Being just shocked in a 'ooooooOOOOOHHHHH' kinda way when I heard That Line in the original version's first prechorus. (you won’t find that on spotify, kids) The second verse is one of my favorite things, as well as that little bridgey bit. The guitar hits are A++. The track as a whole is a great example of what young vindictive heartbreak looks like. This was the track where I fell in love with the angry heartbroken version of Taylor - but like. Baby Angry Heartbroken Taylor.

3. Teardrops On My Guitar

There is something so visceral about the concept of this track to me. That concept of teardrops on a guitar and being in love with someone who's in love with someone else and that one line about hoping that someone else knows just how lucky they are to have the person you're in love with? Damn. --And speaking of that! Another line you can't find on spotify, the original version of this song! "I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny" is such a raw lyric for debut Taylor, and honestly I'm sad that it's been edited out.

Bonus commentary: The pop version of this song, you guys. That electric guitar chord ring at the beginning is ICONIC. The driving drums! That little fiddle lick between the one chorus and the bridge! The pop version is the one that gives me goosebumps.

4. A Place in this World

This song is such a good track to have on this album. I love the little peek into what it's like to be not only Taylor herself but also, I think, any young teenage girl, trying to figure things out. It's a nice change of pace and a good thing to throw back at people who say that Taylor only ever wrote about relationships or whatever. I think my favorite line is that bit at the end of the first verse: "Even though I'm not the only one who feels the way I do..." because that line is such a good representation of what it's like to be about that age and feeling like a hot mess and being told that you're not the only one. Like yes! I know! I'm not ACTUALLY alone! but it feels like it! Let me wallow for half a second! - Taylor does a great job portraying that feeling, and I think this is a good vocal from her as well, with some cool melodic variance in a couple spots later in the song.

5. Cold As You

Dang, man, okay, listen. Cold as You. This song. The build, the softness at the beginning, the way the other instruments come in leading up to the chorus. The craftsmanship on some of the lyrics, like “a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you” or “every smile you fake is so condescending”.

I think my favorite line, though, is "I start a fight because I need to feel something" because. Wow. That line is powerful and honestly it kind of hurts, especially coming from a 16 year old Taylor. Ouch. The other thing I love about this is where the instrumentation drops out in the last prechorus, going back down to just the piano and her voice - there's a quality to her voice there that just. Oof. (I also love the change to the lyrics in the last chorus, and the change in delivery. I love me a change in delivery, but more on that later)

6. The Outside

This song is hardcore #relatable. If you've never felt like you were on the outside of everything and hated it to pieces, you are the blessed among humanity. I love her delivery on the chorus, the timing and inflection she uses. That final line of the chorus “i’ve been a lot of lonely places, i’ve never been on the outside” is so evocative of what it’s like the first time you feel genuinely excluded from your social scene.

I also learned (from the lovely people at the State of Swift podcast!) that this is a song that she wrote when she was like. Not even a teenager yet. Which just blows my mind. I don't know how much tweaking it received before going on the album, but still. Even if 12 year old Taylor only wrote the bare bones of what it became, that's incredible.

7. Tied Together with a Smile

Somewhere out there on the internet there's a video of me playing this song on my porch at about 15 years old, carefully framed so that my face is not visible. It's.... about what you'd expect from a 15 year old amateur.

I'll admit that this is also not way up there on my hierarchy of favorites on this album (not that such a thing exists in any concrete way). There's something about the intro, whatever that instrument is, that kind of grates on me, and there's a few lyrical things that don't land for me like I feel like they could. There's also just a few too many memories tied to this song that make it hit me in a lot of uncomfortable ways.

I do really love her voice in the final chorus though, with the stripped down instrumental behind her in the beginning. The vocal run she does in the outro is also BEAUTIFUL and really fun to sing along to on the rare occasions I listen to this song all the way through.

8. Stay Beautiful

This is such a feel good song. I love it. The descriptions! “He smiles, it’s like the radio” WHAT A LINE. That paints such a picture and elicits such intense emotion -  it’s something I really can’t describe properly with any other words.

I can’t help but just smile through this entire song. It’s so sweet and so pretty and there’s just something about it that I can’t help but love. I like the walking guitar in the chorus, and the tiny little solo in the turnaround. The message of the bridge is great - even if nothing ever comes from it (and I don’t think anything ever did, irl) at least this person you’re so fond of will know what you think of them. You hope that it doesn't end there, but even if it does...

I dunno, this song is just super heartwarming to me. It’s light and happy and it has a lot of the Things Early Taylor Does that appeal the most to me. I love it.

9. Should've Said No

Okay guys, listen. Despite my deep love for certain tracks on this album, I really think this one is my favorite. It edges out all the others by a relatively narrow margin, but it still does it. And of course there's a billion and one reasons why that's the case just from the album track (the drums! the fiddle! the harmonies! that high note!), but that's not what I really want to talk about here.

The 2008 ACM Awards performance of this song is one of the greatest things I've ever seen, and it needs to be talked about. Admittedly, it's a very Early Live Taylor vocal, but I would defy any of you who saw that performance to tell me that it wasn't a ride from start to finish the first time (and the second time and the third and-- I've watched this a lot ok)

That lowkey wtf moment when she's just on the stage with a guitar in jeans and a hoodie. The breakaway into the dress, and the little microphone lean and the smug face immediately after it.

And then. The final chorus.

I would sell my SOUL to hear Taylor sing that version of this song with her current vocal ability. The change in the melody and delivery gives me chills every single time. That ascending bend on "home" is incredible, and the ache in ‘would get back to me’.

If you haven't seen that performance, you NEED TO. Go find it, it's on youtube, I'll wait.

10. Mary's Song (Oh My My My)

Listen. She’s a cute little number. I love the image of a woman telling the story of this relationship that’s been building since forever - admit it, we’re all suckers for the friends-to-lovers trope, aren’t we?

It feels very nostalgic, very classic - it reminds me of a lot of more traditional country songs. When I listen to it and picture what’s happening in the lyrics, it’s all sepia toned and older style projector film. There’s a warm, coming-home kind of feeling that’s tied to this song for me, though that might have something to do with being raised on 90s country music.

I don’t have any particularly strong feelings about this (except for how my friend attached this song to TWO DIFFERENT FICTIONAL SHIPS and ruined my life) but I like it. I think it belongs on the album. It’s almost tooth-rottingly sweet, but it earns its place.

11. Our Song

Ahhhhh, Our Song. This song will never not have a special place in my heart - I've been playing guitar since I was about 15, and this was the first song I learned to play. This track is why I say that Taylor is the Reason I Play Guitar.

There’s something so cute and first-relationship-slash-coming-of-age-teen-movie about the idea of just grabbing whatever’s nearby to write something down. There’s another iconic fiddle bit at the beginning. It’s endearingly twangy country. Taylor makes some fantastic vocal choices that I think really stand out in a nice way. I love the metaphorical quality of using all these non-musical sounds and non-auditory concepts to build a couple’s song, and I’m a complete sucker for the line “our song is the way you laugh”. Gets me every time.

And now... The Bonus Tracks.

12. I'm Only Me When I'm With You

This track is EASILY my favorite of the bonus tracks on this album. I love this song so much. It’s a BANGER and once again, if you disagree you can FIGHT ME. I don’t know about anyone else, nor do I know if there’s any kind of official statement about this, but this song has always read to me as platonic, even familial. It could be read as slightly codependent, granted, but I think it’s cute. the music video  I like that it’s like... almost like a baby version of the Taylor Swift we now know and love. The beat and the instrumentation feels almost refreshing after listening to most of the songs on this album proper - to be honestly I’m a little salty that it got pushed off to the deluxe version. And of course, there’s an outstanding fiddle piece in the post-chorus, and if you’ve picked up anything from this post so far it should be that I have a deep, deep love for a good fiddle part.

13. Invisible

Oof. OOF. This aching unrequited love ballad. It’s like the softer version of Teardrops On My Guitar, and I’m here for it. She does some super cool melodic things, and I love the way her voice soars in the bridge, and the way it feels like she kind of folds down into herself when it drops down to the prechorus. The ache in “let me want you” and the way it just sort of hangs there like a reaching hand before dropping back into the chorus one last time, and then circling back around to the opening line, finishing with that classic rising steel guitar. It’s just *chef hand kiss*

14. A Perfectly Good Heart

It’s interesting to me that the bonus tracks are literally in order for how much I like them. I don’t have anything against this song, but it’s not one of my favorites. I don’t have a lot to say about it, honestly - I think it’s a solid enough track, but I can definitely see why it was relegated to bonus track territory. And I have to admit, the line “it’s not unbroken anymore” feels a little to me like a reach to put the sentiment in enough syllables to fit the melody. (No shade, there are far worse examples of that in pop music.) The harmony on the end of that line is pretty fantastic though, and the mandolin in the breakdown sits in very nicely.

And with that, we’ve made it to the end of the album. It’s wild to go back and look at the very beginnings with Taylor, given that I’ve been playing the new tracks on repeat for weeks at this point. I’m looking forward to reliving the rest of the journey from this beginning to where we are today.

Next up: Fearless

[dazzling-ji]

aesthetic themed ask list

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

probably halo? still riding off the performance high tbh

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

can’t think of anything that i would want to know immediately that i couldn’t just wait for confirmation in prayer about...

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

so far? taking the steps necessary to actually pursue my dreams

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

kbbq with friends

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

probably tell my parents how i feel about them, same to my friends

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

not really. i have things i’d like to do, tho

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

as in a human being? um, she has obscenely small hands. her face is like shiny and red perpetually. she is tiny. she gets really excited over the smallest things, i.e. her cats or the sight of a corgi. lowkey highkey hates her hair unless it’s short. bane of my existence.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

bruh i wish. literally still trying to console younger me with each day.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

lowkey cried in front of my therapist as i told him i don’t cry in front of people. idk if he noticed or not (IT’S CUZ HE KEPT STARING AT ME WITH THOSE BIG SAD EMPATHETIC BLUE EYES. I DON’T NEED EMPATHY!!!) but the tears were threatening and i was threatening the tears.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

bruh, had to describe a human for the last one but this time i won’t. my best friend nam shin iii. because i love him and he’s great. wish he were real so i could teach him english and he could teach me korean and i could help him romance his girlfriend. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

i did when i was first meeting my therapist lol. i don’t trust people enough to do stuff like that.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

probably ye olde tiny handed one. she’s the only one who would try to stay up that late with me. doesn’t mean i don’t have to deal with her sleep delirium.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

it’d either be to myself or my mom. something along the lines of letting them know their worth.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

they aight. blue eyes are really scary 90% of the time. brown eyes make more sense to me.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“different doesn’t mean wrong” said by one of my late faves, who i honestly felt was a kindred spirit 99.999% best friend match to me. not gonna get into why the quote is so deep to me, all i’ll say is it allowed me to breathe.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

indigko

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

pay off debts, travel, save, give to charities/church, save some more, maybe make a trust fund? 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

with God, yeah. by myself? depends. i can be kind of hypocritical and times.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

guess i know what to tag this ask meme now

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

punk for sure.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

super cool. was thinking of getting either a septum or normal nose ring. wish tattoos made a bit more sense on dark skin, but either way they’re super painful so maybe i lucked out.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

i don’t. don’t wanna ruin my skin and i like the natural look over a beat face. i like people looking realistic if that makes sense?

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

so many people to talk about, but my ex-fave prince helped me realize i was ace.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

i wouldn’t. at least not rn, don’t have anything revolutionary to tell em. maybe something like “Please remember we’re dealing with human beings” or along those lines, because I’m tired of reading about racists and human rights violations who real life be forgetting that aside from differences in race/gender/sexuality/etc/etc we are all human and worthy of love.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

stromae @ msg - super fun! wish the people behind me didn’t try to waste my time and sit at a dance music concert.

nai palm @ brooklyn (i forget the venue) - also super great. it was great to actually see her irl, and allowed me to realize i can actually socialize without too much problem.

garth brooks @ mercedes benz - yikes ppl in the south RLY like their country music huh?

kimbra @ brooklyn (also forget the venue) - LIVE MUSIC CAN BE SO EXPERIMENTAL AND FUN. kind of reminded me of what i’d heard seeing prince irl was like.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

NYU - You have no outstanding balances. We have a $1 mil scholarship that will be applied to your account as of today. We love you. In fact, we’re gonna wipe away all your student loan debt and ensure no one in your family has to worry about paying for anything ever again in their lives.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

my desk always gets cluttered with papers and stuff. but i really do prefer working at a desk rather than a bed. 

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

stall as long as possible until i REALLY need to go to sleep. grumble as i lazily brush my teeth and rinse my retainer. lie in bed and watch youtube for anywhere between 30 min to 3 hrs before actually turning off.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

call me crazy, but i want my parents to know about me and *gasp* like what they realize. like lemme tell em i’m ace and have them not freak out, idk. 

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

blue or purple. but probably a wig or something impermanent. 

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

THE FAB FIVE. WHY AM I SO DUMB. we’d go makeover their next person on queer eye OR even better we’d just hang out

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

1. the aforementioned letter from nyu because i deserve it, ok?

2. a life i don’t feel like i have to run away from because i hate living like this but feel powerless to change it.

3. a cool best friend i could go cool places with, because i wanna go cool places

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

i cosplay’d as Taemin during the Ace era. It was cool because it basically was my style, so I felt super confident all day looking my best.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

I do neither. But the craziest thing I did half-asleep was convince myself I could still talk to the aforementioned tiny handed weirdo and answer her questions though my head was firmly planted on my pillow and i was neatly tucked under my sheets. like i really thought homegirl could read my thoughts and find the answers she needed to her questions. 

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

like donald trump

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

maybe one person - i’d see myself the way God sees me so I wouldn’t be so powerless against my insecurities and the fake people in the world all the time.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

idk? i’m ace and aro and very aesthetically drawn, so i really don’t know if i ever have. 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

i prefer myself with longer hair tbh.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

hot chocolate if i wanna blend in. otherwise a strawberry acai refresher. i trust any of my friends because it’s really not that deep.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

gaining self-confidence so i can step more firmly into my calling.

fin.

[silverskye13]

5, 6, 25, 31, and 44 for the trans ask game!

@awesomeundertalelover3​ I’m guessing this is you ahaha.

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

The first time I suspected was when I read a post a couple years ago that stated basically “Can’t tell if I’m nonbinary or a girl who just really doesn’t care about gender norms”, which then made me look up what exactly nonbinary entailed. And then the startling realization that it sounded like how I’d been feeling for awhile.

That was an interesting rabbit hole of research!

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

I don’t know? When I discovered NBwas a thing that existed, I started paying a bit more attention to it and the people who identified that way and it all just sort of coalesced in the back of my mind for ages. I know the first time I really talked about it was to @rinzydings . I already knew they were NB, and sitting down and really talking about my feelings to someone I knew who understood solidified a lot of things I’d been insecure about.

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

That gender is a spectrum and that’s absolutely fine. I mean just honestly, we’ve known that for years. We have so many labels for it! Tomboy! Bear! Girly-girl! Jock! We already express how we feel comfortable about our gender in a billion ways that line up with the binary. Why is breaking that binary such a big deal? The most it will impact anyone’s life besides mine directly is what pronouns you call me by. That’s it. It’s so simple. It’s infuriatingly simple.

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

To be honest, I’m not very involved. I support friends, and I answer questions where I can, and spread awareness where I feel comfortable. But this is all very new to me, so it’s remained very close and contained. 

44. Free space! Imma pick an easy question to answer which is number 1, How did you choose your name?

Easy-peasy! What was the most gender-neutral variant of my current name? Jes. Jesse also could’ve worked, but when it’s spoken out loud most people think specifically of the female, which makes me uncomfortable. So Jes it be! 

It’s also the nickname I like the most, because it’s been spelled that way and given to me by one of my best friends! So I knew I would always have good feelings when I heard the name aloud. 

[Answering Trans asks here!]

[brokerplanet10-blog]

Birchbox review: A great subscription box for skincare enthusiasts looking to discover new brands - Mashable

Every product here is independently selected by Mashable journalists. If you buy something featured, we may earn an affiliate commission which helps support our work.

It's what's on the inside that counts, but that packaging is pretty damn nice, too.

Image: nicole cammorata/mashable

Super customizable • Loyalty points for discounts • Extra focus on skin and hair care • Great value for the price

Samples can be tiny • Less than stellar customer service • Repeated products

For skin and hair obsessives, these monthly samples are a clutch way to discover new products — just don't expect a $10 box to singlehandedly stock your collection.

The makeup world is officially taking over. This $60 billion industry continues to grow and according to Statista, "consumers have been spending higher levels of disposable income on cosmetics than they had in the past." In fact, during economic hard times, buyer interest in cosmetics stays steady — something economists have cheekily dubbed the "lipstick effect."

Considering Instagram is packed with beauty gurus and their flawless skin, and that a Google search for the term "makeup tutorial" returns a whopping 700 million hits, I'd say that our beauty obsession isn't going away any time soon.

If you're anything like me, you regularly spend more money on makeup than groceries. (#sorrynotsorry) But for the beginners out there who are trying to figure out a way to learn the ropes of the industry without setting their wallet aflame, beauty subscription boxes are the answer. One of the most popular (if not the most popular) choices is Birchbox.

Launched in 2010 as the OG beauty subscription box, Birchbox sees over one million subscribers and over four million customers total, which includes online purchases from the Birchbox store and from the physical Birchbox store in New York. Though 2015-2016 were relatively rough years for the company (and the country as a whole, honestly), Birchbox recently had a record-breaking year of growth in 2017, turning profit for the first time in a while and seeing a 63% increase in subscribers. 

So, I've set out to answer the question on every beauty junkie's mind...

The short answer: Hell yes.

The long answer: Get a bowl of popcorn and keep reading. I'll get pretty in-depth here, guys, because if there's one thing I take seriously in this world, it's my beauty products. Before I get into the nitty gritty, here's the gist

You'll get five samples per month ranging from makeup, to skin care, to hair care.

The value of each box ranges from $20 to $40.

Birchbox supplies more of a variety of makeup, skincare, and hair care products than Ipsy, which sends mostly cosmetics and less skin or hair care products.

Birchbox's loyalty program offers discounts on full-sized items in the Birchbox store, as well as extra amounts off when you review a product online.

Now, onto the good stuff.

Packaging: Aesthetic overload

Image: nicole cammorata/mashable

Let's talk about this adorable packaging for a sec. Not only are these mini gift boxes perfect to reuse for gifting over holidays or as storage for small items like jewelry, they're also hella cute. You can tell Birchbox really puts effort into them and it's much appreciated — and actually makes me trust their item choices even more.

You don't get a cute little makeup bag like you do with some other boxes, which could be a bummer — but those bags are sometimes worthless and end up taking up space in a drawer most of the time.

But it's what's on the inside that counts

Image: nicole cammorata/mashable

Each month, you'll receive five beauty treats ranging from makeup, to hair stuff, to skincare, to fragrances from both premium and niche brands. The actual value of the boxes ranges from $20-$40. Considering you could spend that much on a single item at Sephora, that value is pretty insane since you're getting five items for $10. 

You can also choose between two different boxes each month: Choose a curated box, where you can preview all of the samples you'll be getting that month, or a choice box, where you choose one of your samples and get surprised by the rest. Many months also offer the option to choose a featured box or Guest Editor box, which will include hand-picked items by your favorite YouTube bloggers and gurus. Regardless of your choice, the price won't go up — and all you have to do is log onto your beauty profile to let Birchbox know what you want.

Men who aren't interested in receiving makeup samples can also subscribe to Birchbox Plus, a monthly dose of all things grooming, lifestyle, and men's health related for the same $10/month. They also have a ton of options for free gifts with your box like leather NFL coasters, BENNKAI sunglasses, and more. (*Hint gift idea hint*)

You can't expect full-sized items when you're paying what you would for one travel-sized thing.

Keep in mind that most of the items will be pretty small. They're perfect to try new products before jumping all-in on the (expensive) full-sized product and are great to throw in your bag for an on-the-go emergency kit — but you're gonna be disappointed if you wanted Birchbox to singlehandedly stock your beauty collection. It's $10, guys. You get what you pay for. You can't expect full-sized items when you're paying what you would for one travel-sized thing in the Sephora check out line. If that's what you're looking for, hit up Boxycharm.

But full-sized items aren't totally off the table yet: If you get a sample you really like, you can order a full-size version (with free shipping) in the Birchbox shop, and then get $1 back in loyalty points for every $10 you spend. 

They're themed based on the month, so that's fun

Everyone knows that everything is more fun with a theme and beauty boxes are way better when the products are sent according to the month (or at least the current season). 

The April Box was (aptly and adorably) dedicated to Earth Day and included all clean beauty items or items that sought to honor Mother Earth:

Clarins Multi-Active SPF 20 Day Cream (full size $54)

CLEAN Reserve Citron Fig Eau De Parfum (full size $95)

COOLA Classic SPF 30 Dawn Patrol Primer (full size $42)

OUAI Volume Spray (full size $26)

Wander Beauty Catch the Light Highlighter and Glowtion (full size $34)

My favorite box recently was July, which featured five products to combat those devilish, sweaty, and frizzy 90+ degree days:

amika Perk Up Dry Shampoo (full size $32)

Beauty Protector Protect & Blonde (full size $23)

Coastal Scents Blush & Bronzer Palette (full size $19.95)

Marcelle Hydra-C 24H Energizing Hydrating Gel (full size $21)

Stila Cosmetics Stay All Day Liquid Lipstick (full size $22)

I needed that bronzer palette because I'm pale AF, and I used the shit out of that dry shampoo when I was skipping hair wash days on vacation. I also found my new favorite lipstick shade thanks to this box. (I ended up buying the full-size version of that lipstick and used that sweet Birchbox store discount. Boo ya.)

Image: nicole cammorata/mashable

December's boxes aim to dazzle up your holiday glow and give users a $10 off coupon and an extra treat to stay in line with the giving season. Subscribers receive items like special primer to combat winter dryness and flaky skin, festive shimmery liquid eyeshadow, fashion tape (holiday dresses literally never cooperate), and more items to make sure you're the best looking one at the office's holiday party. 

A few of my favorite brands that I've received from Birchbox are Stila, Keihl's, Benefit, Smashbox, OUAI, and Coola. While it's always nice to get samples from premium brands that you know are trustworthy, don't freak out if you open a box to find that you haven't heard of any of the brands. If they weren't nice, Birchbox wouldn't put them in there — and they provide a handy card that explains each product and how much it costs IRL. Imagine how cool you'll feel when you discover a new go-to item and get to feel like a damn guru when you suggest it to all of your friends.

Personalization: Pretty on point

Sure, getting samples of expensive brands for a fraction of the price is cool, but it doesn't really matter if none of them are things you can use. Good thing Birchbox has you create a personal beauty profile to give them an idea of the kinds of products that will work best for you — because makeup isn't always one size fits all.

The questionnaire will ask about your skin type, skincare concerns (like dark spots or acne), skin tone, hair color and texture, whether you color your hair or style it with heat, and what your makeup experience is — are you a newbie or could you teach a class? Do you stick with nude tones or go for the neon palettes? You'll also get to mention if you'd prefer more makeup, more skincare, or more haircare products. I marked that my hair is extremely thick and that my skin concerns were acne, aging, and dark spots.

Here's what they sent according to my profile:

OUAI Wave Spray (full size $26)

Lipstick Queen Lip Liner in Raisin (full size $18)

Love of Color One & Done Shadow Stick in Champagne Problems (full size $10)

COOLA SPF 30 Dawn Patrol Setting Spray (full size $36)

(MALIN + GOETZ) grapefruit face cleanser (full size $36)

They did pretty well following my requests, if you ask me. The tousling spray for curly hair and cleanser make sense for obvious reasons, and no makeup enthusiast will ever be upset with a new setting spray. Though I'm not a fan of stick or roll on eyeshadow and usually use my liquid lipstick without liner, that's a super specific personal preference that I didn't even mention in my beauty profile. Don't judge the actual products so much as how they listened to your preferences and the brands they send.

However, if you really aren't feeling one of the items you receive and want to make sure you don't get it or something similar again, you can review the item online and Birchbox will take that into consideration when packing your next box. You can also go back into your beauty profile and change preferences at any time, which is convenient if you dye your hair a totally different color or something like that.

Don't judge the actual products so much as how well they listened to your preferences.

Downsides: A few complaints, but nothing too serious

This is probably just nit-picking, but one downside I wanted to mention is that repeated products seem to be thing — based on my boxes and on what I've gathered from other reviews. I mean, you can kind of expect this as they're trying to tailor boxes to millions of subscribers and can't keep a 20-foot long list of what they've already sent to each person — but when you're only getting five tiny samples, the last thing you want is to see the same thing you just got the month before. The surprise is half of the fun, right? They do try to combat this by allowing you to review products and note what you'd prefer to not receive again, which is nice of them. Though all subscribers obviously don't get identical shipments each month, it'd be nice if Birchbox could set aside the entirety of items they've sent out in a certain month and make sure there are at least a few months go by before the add those items to boxes again. 

When it comes to personalization, I do wish they would have inquired about color preferences, just to make sure you're not getting a shade of lipstick that makes you look like a clown (though the complexion questions probably help with this). I guess it's a way to see how something looks on you instead of purchasing and hoping for the best, which is the entire point of Birchbox anyway. *Shrugs* 

The competition: How do Ipsy and Play! by Sephora stack up?

10 bucks is an insanely good price for how much stuff you get, and Birchbox obviously isn't the only one taking advantage of that affordable AF market. If you've done any other research, I'm sure you've seen that Birchbox, Ipsy, and Play! by Sephora are all battling it out to be the $10 box with the best value. While Birchbox was struggling with sales a few years ago, Ipsy stayed sitting pretty, and continues to be Birchbox's number one competitor — and with the way they keep bumping up their subscriptions, Birchbox can't afford to stay complacent.

I wish Birchbox's beauty quiz inquired about eye and lip shades that you prefer instead of leaving it up to your complexion.

Ipsy's boxes range from $40-$80 in value, Play! by Sephora's boxes range from $40-$60 in value, and Birchbox subscriptions range from $25 to $40 in value each month. That's obviously a slightly lower value for the same price, and you obviously want the best bang for your buck — but I promise Birchbox meets that requirement, guys. They are the box that sends the most niche and less well-known brands — meaning they're gonna be less expensive — but the entire point of the subscription is to expose you to brands that you wouldn't find on mainstream shelves. Ipsy and Sephora don't exactly offer that variety.

And if you watch any YouTube tutorials, you know damn well that even the most famous beauty bloggers don't care if something is cheap. All that matters is that it's good, and Birchbox ensures that their samples are the best of the best — plus you're only spending $10, which is significantly less than what you'd spend on even one item in Sephora or Ulta.

As I mentioned earlier, I wish Birchbox's beauty quiz inquired about the eye and lip shades that you prefer to wear instead of leaving it all up to your complexion. Ipsy's beauty quiz really gets into the nitty gritty, asking what shades of eyeshadow, lipstick, eyeliner, blush, and nail polish you prefer, as well as the types of makeup you prefer to get in general (for instance, I never wear lip gloss or lip liner, so I'd prefer to just not deal with getting them). This makes the chance of getting something you don't like even smaller, which is obviously important as no one wants to spend a monthly fee on getting things they won't use. IMO, Ipsy's beauty quiz is just more user-friendly and fun to take, but this is not a deal breaker.

Where Birchbox does have an advantage is in its loyalty program: For every $10 you spend on a purchase at the Birchbox store, you'll receive $1 of loyalty points that can be used directly toward another purchase — it's just like a money-back credit card. Once you've spent $300 at Birchbox in a calendar year, you'll be bumped up to Ace status (similar to Sephora's VIB and Ulta's Platinum status) which gives significantly more points on purchases, AKA more money saved. 

Play! by Sephora obviously only helps with loyalty points at Sephora in-store or online, which limits you to Sephora-only brands. Ipsy's loyalty program revolves around a point system where you get points for reviewing bags and products, following Ipsy creators on social media, and referring friends. While racking up points can happen relatively quickly, it's more work than Birchbox  — and Ipsy's points can only be redeemed on select product and expire eventually, whereas Birchbox is more flexible with their rewards.

If you follow a skincare routine religiously and care about your naked face over your caked face, Birchbox is the way to go.

Ipsy also recently launched a Plus version of their Glam Bag, which bumps the price up to $25/month and features five full-sized items instead of samples. The catch here is that you already have to be subscribed to Ipsy's $10 bag to participate, which does give them a slight leg up. (Why Birchbox hasn't upgraded to a full-sized box, I don't know. I'm just as surprised as you are, but after seeing what Ipsy's doing, it's not long until Birchbox does the same.)

It's nearly impossible to say which one is best. They're all good for different things, and trying to name one as "the best" doesn't really make sense. If you like to cake your face and care more about trying new makeup samples from more premium brands, go with Ipsy. If Sephora is your second home, you trust those brands, and would like to continue racking up VIB points, Play! will be your best friend. If you follow a skincare routine religiously and care about a naked face more than a caked face, Birchbox is the way to go. Jonathan from Queer Eye would be proud.

The good thing about all three is that they're only $10 per month. If reading reviews just isn't giving you enough deets, subscribing to all three for a few months to get the gist won't set you back too far, and you can just cancel the ones you don't like later. 

Final verdict

Newbie to the entire industry? Get Birchbox. 

Skincare-obsessed refuse to hit the hay without doing a skincare routine? Get Birchbox.

An expert who could school any YouTube blogger on a cut crease? Get Birchbox.

Image: nicole cammorata/mashable

Seriously, guys. Birchbox is great for beginners who want to try new brands before making the plunge to full price, but also clutch for experts who use samples in emergency run-out situations or to keep in on-the-go bags. It's a little more skin and hair oriented than competing boxes, which is something to keep in mind if you're choosing between this, Ipsy, or Play! by Sephora — but all true beauty connoisseurs know that expensive makeup isn't worth it if the skin underneath isn't healthy. The samples can be pretty small, so it's not the box to get if you're trying to stock a full makeup collection. But purse-sized items are still a necessity — you never know when you'll get stuck in the rain in non-waterproof mascara or need a breakout-clearing moisturizer when you're traveling.

If you're not great with change and only want to try premium brands, another box might be up your alley — the whole point of Birchbox is to discover brands and products that you wouldn't be able to find elsewhere. However, if your beauty tastes are more eclectic and you're down to discover niche brands and blaze a trail for your friends, Birchbox is about to open up a whole new world for you. Sign up for $10/month and complete your beauty profile here.

Source: https://mashable.com/review/birchbox-beauty-subscription-box/?europe=true

[enchantingkittengaditor]

I Think We May Be Soulmates

A/N: So I wrote this for school and thought it was actually cool so I decided I would post it here and is dedicated to my amazing IRL best friend since it’s her birthday today. So Happy 15th Birthday Maya, the most amazing teen girl out there for never abandoning me even though we haven’t seen each other in over 5 years

We are all born with soulmates. Most of us have marks. Whether it’s timers, strings, the name or tattoos just to name the most common.

A very few, pitied, souls, are born without their soulmark. I am one of those people one of the 0.001% of earth’s population or one of roughly 77,000 people as of 2019. I have no visible soulmark, over the years, I have felt injuries I have had no reason to feel and have felt emotions that don’t belong to me. To tell you the truth; I am bloody fed up of it.

I have lived in 5 countries and felt the stigma around several things that have happened to me, but none stronger than the stigma around not having a soulmark

The one time my ‘mark’ of pain was shown in public, was in math class in year 9 when out of nowhere at 8:50 in the morning my nose started to bleed. I asked to go to the bathroom and my two friends, who weren’t afraid of the social stigma around being friends with me, made sure the head of my year saw the online comments about me.

It has been 2 years since and I am honestly just proud that my friends are still by my side. Mason has still not developed the rest of his mark, so he has started to get shamed for it too but both of us don’t care what people say and Kieran still had 15 years left on her timer so she was in no hurry to impress anyone but herself. Since that time my circle of friends has grown exponentially, to include; Aislin Grace, a nerdy but outgoing archer with a string; Samuel Martin, a gamer who understands I love Marvel who has a timer; Sadie Wilson, a caring girl who doesn’t why anyone would bully me who has a tattoo; and Moana Coles a badass with a big heart of gold, who has a string.

Until April of this year, 2019, I had not felt any emotions of my ‘soulmate’ since 2017 and before that 2014. But on my flight to Heathrow, I had two hours till we landed, I was watching Mean Girls again, when I felt an intense feeling of pride, it was strong enough that it broke, partially, through the walls I have built up over years of bullying and illnesses.

Then 3 days later, when I was in a hospital in Sheffield where my cousin had given birth to her son, I was talking to her husband, her and the nurse about what life is like when you don’t have a mark, as their son had been born with no mark and the nurse’s twin sister had also been born with no mark. When I felt an intense pain in my leg that felt like I had been kicked or hit with a ball.

Naturally, nobody noticed.

It wasn’t until I was in the terminal at Heathrow when it all came flooding in the emotions, the physical injuries, the thoughts. All of it. All I could feel was the excitement, the slight fear, the happiness. Now, I could stand all of it, except the happiness. I haven’t felt this pure and genuine happiness since I was 10 and hanging out with my friends at my 10th birthday party.

All I could hear in my head was the voice of a person with a strong east London accent thinking about how happy and lucky he was and… football. Then all of a sudden there was concern over the bond; most likely, over the emotions I have learned to cope with, the overwhelming sadness, the anxiety, the numbness but mostly the feeling of being dead inside. I looked around for the source of this happiness, making up the excuse of looking for a bathroom.

All I turned up in my search was a family with a boy doing the same and two teen boys around sixteen being carted around by an air stewardess. I offered the boy a small smile and a wave. He had dark auburn hair that was almost brown, a few freckles across his face, chocolate brown eyes and pale skin. I couldn’t see any part of his mark because of his sweatshirt. He waved back and I was dragged away by Zoë to the restaurant she deemed worthy that had a vegan option.

“So. Who caught your eye Elizabeth?” Zoë, my older sister by 2 years 5 months and 13 days, asked.

“Curiosity killed the cat,” I simply state in return.

“And satisfaction brought it back,” My mother responds, looking over her glass of water.

“Just a backpack.”

“Sure,” Zoë simply states, “A backpack that’s walking to the bathroom as we speak.”

“Zoë stop meddling, Elizabeth doesn’t with you and you have a mark,” my mum buds in.

“Just because both of you don’t have marks doesn’t mean I can’t mock Elizabeth for her lack of one,” Zoë retorts.

“I just want to graduate and start at university before I start my career in architecture and live with my friends and cats.”

“Good life plan.”

“It’s good to have a life plan,” mum states looking pointedly at Zoë.

After our lunch, we headed toward the gate stopping for me to pick up a book. When we got there it was nearly time for us to board so I just started reading my book and listening to Hamilton (as I have to be king George in my years production), when I looked up for a brief moment I saw the boy from earlier looking at me and talking to whom I am guessing was an older brother. I couldn’t hear what he was saying because of the Hamilton blasting out of my headphones. But all I could think to myself, over the stress that was being caused by feeling another person’s emotions and hearing some of their thoughts, was that he was kinda cute. This was the first time I had thought anything like this since I was two, so I guess it’s an improvement to my mental health as Jodie, my therapist, would say.

The boy smirked just after I thought he was cute and all I could think about was how I had earlier heard a voice in my head saying the same thing. It couldn’t be, could it? My thoughts were cut off when we were called for boarding. I got up and grabbed my bag with my mum and sister, as did the mystery boy, his siblings (?) and his parents.

“Sugar honey iced tea,” I muttered quietly to myself just quiet enough to not be heard.

‘This was going to be one long flight if I have to sit near mystery boy,’ I thought.

I was, in fact, sitting near the mystery boy. I was sitting directly behind him. So, to drown out the thoughts and emotions, I put on my headphones and started blaring Queen, as I had finished Hamilton earlier, and started reading until I had to watch the safety video.

It was 2 hours later while mum and Zoë were asleep. I was about to finish Bohemian Rhapsody and start watching Captain Marvel when mystery boy turned around in his seat and looked at me for a solid 5 seconds before waving his hand in front of my screen. Trying to get my attention. I stopped the movie and looked up annoyed that the boy was stopping me from finishing my movie so close to the end and in the middle of the Live Aid performance.

“What do you want?” I asked with a slight edge.

“I… I -uh- was wondering… if -uh- you hadasoulmarkoryoucouldfeelsomeoneelsesemotionsandpain?” he asked back

“Slow down and ask me again, because I didn’t catch a word of that,” I say with an encouraging smile, I mean it was a lie I understood him perfectly almost too well for two strangers on a plane and were both under the age of sixteen. I didn’t want to smile either it just happened. I also felt as if I knew this person standing before me, but having tried and finally succeeded at blocking out my past, I let that feeling die.

“I was wondering if you,” he gulped here not knowing whether to go on or stop, “had a soulmark or you could feel someone else’s emotions and pain?”

“Why do you ask? I mean we just met and surely, you don’t believe in soulmates, as you don’t have a mark. Your brothers and parents do, though. So, you’re also wondering why you don’t. This is because nearly everybody believes a lack of a mark to be hereditary, when truly if you read the correct translations of ancient scripts, and not the propaganda society shows, you would know that it just means there is another purpose for you instead of loving someone as a full-time deal. Like Mother Teresa or Gandhi or even Elizabeth the first. The reason I know this is, I can see your wrist and basic psych,” I say all this with a slight brow raise at the end to punctuate my point.

“I want to know because I can see the anti-depressants sticking out of your bag, and I know for a fact I’m not crazy. I also ask because I saw you earlier looking around in a daze of confusion-” east London, his accent is from east London, “-like I was, because you most likely felt my emotions which unlike yours are positive-”

“I want to stop you right there and let you in on a secret, I don’t feel emotions I am detached from them and it makes life a lot easier especially when like me your life has been terrible, from moving all the time to seizures to depression and several other mental illnesses to bullying to not having a mark to feeling someone else’s pain randomly to being the only one out of 30 other students who believes that being a liberal is not a bad thing to wanting to die and not realizing it until your math teacher has you write your 100th birthday speech and all three things in your life you want to do, are in order, not hurt yourself, make women’s rights respected everywhere and not doing something I wouldn’t be able to regret before the end of freaking high school. And I realized all of this less than 6 months ago and you, strange person, are the first living human I have told.”

“I’m sorry I had no idea but I know for a fact now that you don’t have a mark,” he’s being cocky, he thinks he’s figured me out, “And you feel someone else’s pain and out of the 7 billion people on earth there are only seventy-seven thousand people without marks taking away the ones that are too old and too young, as soulmates are always within 3 years of each other, that’s…” how cute he’s attempting to do the math.

“Firstly, I know the rules Secondly,. 2851.85 if you only rely on math but in actual stats is closer to 2137 as our generation is less likely to be born without marks,” I say having done the math a million times.

“Exactly and if you take those who you have the probability of meeting, who are going to be like you, without a mark and can feel someone else you’re left with about?” He’s asking me for the math around soulmates he’s already like my friends.

“Well if one out of every one hundred and twenty-nine as reported last week by the BBC, claim to feel the pain of someone else you get 22.1 but with your other factor and the fact I personally have been to four out of seven continents that leaves 12.63 people with potential and excluding me that’s 11.63.”

“You’re really good at math, but what are the chances one of those eleven people was in Heathrow?”

“Well, every day 2.01 people without a mark pass through Heathrow so the chances are slim to none,” I state simply suddenly unsure of where this is going.

“I think that we may be soulmates,” the boy says with a slight smirk. ‘God why did he have to be cute and why did I have to find him cute!’ Maybe he was right.

“Prove it what emotion and/or physical pain am I feeling right now?”

“Annoyance and your right ankle slightly hurting as it has since early January.”

“Very good but how do I know you’re not a crazy person-” I was cut off by a sudden pain in my back. Since we had been staring at each other whispering, we hadn’t noticed the mystery boy’s brother slap him on the back as he went to the toilet. “Are you OK? Did that hurt you as much as it did me?”

“That proof enough for you?”

“No, but I’m willing to consider it. If you want to talk more seat message me I’m 74 i. But I really want to get back to watching BoRhap. Tata,” Ok so maybe mocking his British accent wasn’t the thing to do. Maybe leaving him to face his brothers questioning wasn’t the thing to do either but that’s what I did.

About 20 minutes later after I had finished my movie and was about to start Captain Marvel I got a message from him asking me if I would give him my email or social media usernames, so naturally I responded, after watching my movie and eating a small packet of dried apricots, with my details and an explanation as to why I only have tumblr and Gmail. He responded that he had instagram but doesn’t post anymore because he felt under pressure from people to be more like his brothers and he doesn’t want people to like him just for his brothers. I asked him what his brothers did but he didn’t tell me and instead talked about Avengers 4 theories for an hour until I told him that I was going to watch ‘RBG’ or ‘Bad times at the el Royal’.

After I finished both, of them, we had breakfast and mum and Zoë had woken up at some point during me watching RBG so I continued to message mystery boy realizing in my psychological breakdown of him I hadn’t asked his name. He must’ve realized at the same time as we both sent and received the message ‘sorry but I forgot to ask your name.’ Therefore, I respond Elizabeth and he said Alexander but call me Alex. I asked him if he had ever received a note, this is a sure tell sign that pops in every solstice saying yeah your soulmate is still alive so here’s something they said over the past 6 months I think you’ll like. It’s a thing that starts happening when you turn ten.

I received my first note when I was ten and it gave me hope, hope that was soon swallowed into the black hole I have to call a heart for biological and societal reasons. I was in Liverpool, I had been feeling a few more things than usual (Maya had noticed too), and we woke up the day that we were going up to Cumbria so I could spend 3 weeks with my grandmother and cousins while Maya spent time with hers. We woke up and next to, each of our heads on our bedside tables sat the green parchment we had been waiting for, you see you receive the note on the solstice after your 10th birthday. We ran downstairs after getting dressed to show her grandparents as we got in the car, after breakfast because her family had a rule of BBC news only at breakfast, when we got in the car with everything we both opened our notes and she read hers first it read ‘My cousin made me look like a smurf, and so I chose this photo to represent how she feels about me,’ I had sworn I heard something similar when I had visited my cousin’s school last summer and I made him look like a smurf but coincidence right. Mine, on the other hand, read ‘Why do you nearly die every time you’re in a movie it always scares me. -AS.’

“So, you have a soulmate that’s great!” Maya had said in excitement.

“Yeah, one I will probably never meet because by the sound of it his brothers famous and so I shall never meet them stranded in the middle of the Caribbean Sea.”

“One day you will because they’ll get their note too and one day you’ll find each other. For now, let’s take photos of us with the dolls and notes.”

“Sure and watch movies the rest of the drive?”

“Obviously.”

My flashback ended as I saw the message ping up and it said ‘yes and by the way do you know what “It’s only a horse for a doll it’s not that scary dude if you want scary look in the mirror or at Dylan. This horse is beautiful and not at all scary, OK? -E.S.” means?’

I respond with ‘yes it means I was a terrible friend and should apologize for scaring him half to death even though he deserved it. I was talking about an American Girl Doll horse for context.’

‘OK, well I’m going to watch a movie so talk to you via email?’

‘Sure you have mine. And I’m going to watch one as well.’

I walked off the plane with a Cheshire cat smile as we were escorted to the room for 3 hours between flights. I have to admit I thought that was all I was going to see or hear from mystery boy, I mean Paddy. But if you must know the reason I was so happy because, although you may not get it, you know when you meet your soulmate and I just did even though I thought I would never get the chance to.

Tags: @hollandroos, @hollandarling

[softhobies]

RULES: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

tagged by @heartsbian (actual loml thank you)

i tag: @damnwilds @danwildsofficial @naminyard @battlefieldheart @daddariossmile @ffsmagnusbane @bramgreenfclds @lailadermctt (and if anyone else wants to do this feel free to consider yourself tagged or if you want message me and i’ll add you lmao)

THE LAST…

1. drink: water

2. phone call: unknown number

3. text message: from my mum: “i guess”

4. song you listened to: and the crowd goes by mudslide crush

5. time you cried: idk?? i cry too much lmao

HAVE YOU EVER… (PT.1)

6. … dated someone twice: no

7. … kissed someone and regretted it: no

8. … been cheated on: no

9. … lost someone special: to death? no. drifting apart? i guess.

10. … been depressed: always

11. … gotten drunk and thrown up: uuuhhhh yeah

FAVORITE COLORS

12. black

13. red

14. idk?? white, grey, blue, purple... changes

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

15. … made new friends: yep!

16. … fallen out of love: i don’t think so

17. … laughed until you cried: of course

18. … found out someone was talking about you: probably but i don’t remember

19. … met someone who changed you: hmmm i don’t think so??

20. … found out who your friends are: 99% of my friends have been made in the past year so?? maybe?? i’m working on it

21. … kissed someone on your facebook list: nope

GENERAL

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: idk i hardly use it?? but it was full of people i used to know but yeah i don’t talk to any of them except like my immediate family irl now lmao

23. do you have any pets: no :(

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhhh yeah like alex isn’t my legal name and it’d be nice to not have to sign my legal name or go by it at doctors bc i’m too scared to correct anyone lmao

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i think i mostly just soaked up whatever attention i got on here and stressed over tr*mp bc my bday is on inauguration day?? also i annoyed family and may have watched a couple episodes of vld with my bro

26. what time did you wake up: like 12:30am lmao

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping i guess

28. name something you can’t wait for: uuhhh happiness?? idk 

29. ??? there is no 29 lol

30. ……. no 30 either

31. what are you listening to right now: she’s so gone - lemonade mouth (uuhhh i’m listening to the album if you couldn’t tell by my answers lmao)

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i’d assume so?? only one that comes to my mind tho is tom in mysme but he’s not real lmao

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my shit sleeping schedule like i’m trying to fix it but i suck at sleeping and ugh

34. most visited website: probably tumblr lmao

35. hair color: black but naturally it’s blonde

36. long or short hair: short bless up

37. ??? she’s gone

38. ……. not here either

39. piercings: 2 in each ear and 2 in my lip for now

40. blood type: i honestly have no clue?? p sure it wasn’t o but that’s all i remember so uuhhh oops

41. nicknames: i just go by alex

42. relationship status: single forever

43. zodiac: aquarius (or capricorn idk i’m a cusp but i’ve always went with aquarius and i refuse to change now)

44. pronouns: they/them

45. favorite tv show: idk?? b99 is p good

46. tattoos: none but i want a ton one day

47. right or left-handed

48. surgery: i don’t think i’ve had any

49. piercings: ?? already answered

50. sport: i don’t play or watch anything really?? at least, not anymore

51. vacation: anywhere and everywhere

52. pair of trainers: idk i hardly ever where any?? probably have some somewhere tho

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: fav food = cheese calzones at old chicago but like if you mean am i eating? no? but i ate leftover hamburger helper within the last hour so

54. fave drink: water

55. what you’re up to: answering this but after i’m going to try queuing a ton of posts while i wait for my phone to charge completely

56. waiting for: happiness?? but uuhhh short term i guess attention (aka my friends sleep at night like most people and i’m l o n e l y)

57. what do i want: happiness again but also money and maybe a purpose

58. do you ever want to get married: kind of?? i kind of don’t believe in love for me really but i have this dream wedding so like?? i’m down marrying just for the tax benefits lmao i just want that spooky wedding

59. career: don’t have one and don’t know what i wanna do yet so rip

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses?

61. lips or eyes?

62. shorter or taller?

63. older or younger? keeping it crossed out bc?? what does this mean?? idk but the only options i can come up with idc

64. nice arms or nice stomach? (i guess? just barely idc mostly)

65. hook up or relationship?

66. troublemaker or hesitant? (to a point)

HAVE YOU EVER… (PT.2)

67. … kissed a stranger: nope

68. … drank hard liquor: a lot (unhealthy coping for the lose)

69. … lost glasses/contact lenses: oh god yes?? lost glasses in a hotel once and have lost so many contact lenses it’s ridiculous i suck lmao

70. … turned someone down: yeah but i think both the times the people asked me out as a joke?? i heard one guy planning it and the other i just kind of assumed the guys friends were asking me out bc pulling a prank on their friend 

71. … sex on the first day: uuhhhh how about sex never lmao no thanks

72. … broken someone’s heart: not that i know

73. … had your heart broken: uuhhh by my ex bff a billion times lmao

74. … been arrested: nope bless

75. … cried when someone died: not genuinely, no

76. … fallen for a friend: yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

77. … yourself: not anymore

78. … miracles: unlikely

79. … love at first sight: not for myself for sure

80. … santa claus: why would i

81. … kiss on the first date: you do you

82. … angels: maybe bc of others experiences but i believe in demons more 

OTHER

83. current best friend’s name: i have a lot but nøname

84. eye color: brown

85. favorite movie: idk?? star wars i guess

[kostovas]

my diary post about my feelings before going to college

august 22, 2017, 10:06 pm, my room in El Paso

The way that I tend to deal with my problems/worries is that I don’t think about them and ignore them and keep ignoring them until they get so big that I’m forced to think about and deal with them.

That is basically what I have been doing this entire summer. I don’t even remember the last time I wrote in my diary and I’ve decided to start typing it out instead since I’m afraid I won’t have the motivation to literally write out my diary in COLLEGE, aka, the problem/worry, which branches out into a bunch of other little problems/worries (I’m going to be living 10 hours away from home, what if I mess up while doing the laundry, what if the work is too hard, my parents are going to be sad,) that I have been pushing away

Although to be honest about 90% of the summer consisted of me in my room writing fan fiction or watching Netflix or scrolling through twitter, I still really didn’t think much about it…

Orientation? Did I even write about it? It was fine, it was good, I instantly clicked with my roommate sara, yes, same name as me, and my orientation-roommate was nice but I have a weird after-taste about her because she told me she was Latina because although she is German Swedish Irish french Spanish insert a billion other super white ethnicities here, her mom is from New Mexico!

Orientation just felt like a more cramped, panicked version of NSLC camp which I went to last year. NSLC was like, a random pocket-universe where I met new people who I spontaneously had a lot in common with and thought about my future in entertainment business with just for fun. Orientation is where I met new people who I very un-spontaneously had at least one thing in common with, starting ut, and thought about my future for real.

I feel like I’ve got some things down, aka my class schedule and what music I could potentially listen to while walking around campus (my Austin playlist is a lot of vampire weekend and sza and I know that sounds like a weird combo but it feels insanely fitting) but for the most part I still very much have ABSOLUTELY ZERO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!

I…. AM PANICKING BIG TIME RIGHT NOW… I CRIED LIKE A MINUTE BEFORE I STARTED WRITING THIS… WHICH I HAVE NOT DONE (at least not over anything that wasn’t a book or a tv show or a movie) THIS ENTIRE SUMMER!!!

This summer, although filled with a lot of nothing and empty spaces, felt so perfect and so teenage-me. Maybe not truly me, truly what I would have done in my perfect world, but just… what I would do as a teenager. I know I’m still technically going to be a teenager for at least awhile in college, but, not like this. Not the El Paso bred high school boredom tennis court by Lorde Gilmore girls crying teenager. I’ll be something else, whatever it is, and I have no idea what. I am afraid to meet her. I am excited I am scared I am going to vomit all over this new computer I bought for college

I went to a lot of movies this summer, mostly with nicole and mostly at the Alamo draft house and mostly before they came out (baby driver, good time, which I both liked but baby driver way more).

I got my drivers license and I passed the test by literally oNE POINT

I drove by myself to nicoles apartment and we had weird conversations about our psychic feelings and premonitions about our own lives and deaths. That was the first time I drove by myself and it was for about five minutes and I sung out loud to dua lipa the entire time because I feel like falling asleep any time I go in a moving vehicle and theres no music and my dad drove me back later because it was raining.

I also drove to pick up alondra the Friday before she left for college. Her first day of school was today and she left like a week early. She’s in South Carolina at college of Charleston and I’m even scared for her. We got chick fil a and went home and talked about da Vinci and being Latina outside of El Paso and random memories and feelings and nothing and everything and nothing again

I hung out with my grandpa a lot, who has been staying here all summer. Yesterday he showed me a picture of my great grandpa who I had never seen before and I was so shocked, he looked like a real Mexican movie star cowboy, I have no idea what John Wayne looks like but he should look like my great grandpa, panfilo vela. Yesterday in particular my grandpa worried about pregnant women because the solar eclipse was happening and they were not wearing safety pins, a latino superstition he said so firmly as a scientific fact that I was really confused and briefly wondering if there was some sort of pregnant women’s medical pin. My dad said ‘that’s part of his charm’’ believing things so intensely, I guess. I think I got some of that from him

I went to San Antonio last week with tia 1 and valerie and Abuelita and my family. Tia 2 is usually the one to go on vacations with us, but she has this new best friend who she is in a two-person cult with, with her BFF/Bestie/Twinsie (yes, she is a 40+ year old woman, who calls her that) being the leader and her being the devout follower, paying for all her tickets to schiltterbaun and the movies and everything she buys while shopping and all her food and yelling at her employees for getting mad at her for something to do with a water bottle I don’t know but it’s definitely throwing off the balance of the universe.

But it was fun, tia 1 is very loud and charismatic and doesnt give any fucks and now I like to say “no mas mis chicharrones truenan aqui” also I am mad I am not more tan

I learned how to make crepes I have made at least 7 successful ones

Okay. so. crying. Here’s a text I sent to the vampire weekend group chat earlier:

(redacted) I really feel like my dad raised me mostly and he just took me out to the fanciest dinner of my life as a “father-daughter dinner” before college and he ran into some friends who were older than him and they were like “ur gonna miss her it’s gonna suck!” And I think my dad almost cried and we talked about heaven in the car and now I’m home and there’s boxes in my room and I’m staring at them and crying

end text

My dad put together those boxes for me with longhorn tape. Burnt orange duct tape with white longhorn shapes on them, literally That’s where my arts and crafts related headassery comes from

I’m going to be staying in a dorm at UT with my own restroom and now I’m thinking do I even really know how to clean a shower NOT REALLY

I’m gonna end up googling it while I’m there

I feel like I don’t actually know how to iron like I’m doing it wrong for sure

The restaurant was called cafe central it’s in downtown El Paso which I think is really truly beautiful even though objectively it’s ugly I’m super emotional and so I think it’s extremely beautiful and it’s just. I feel . It’s just how I feel.

I feel so in touch with the El Paso city it doesn’t even feel real. I feel like all the abandoned buildings are just cardboard cutouts and I have the power to knock them over with my fingertips. the homeless guys there don’t even scare me that much even though they probably should, not even the old lady with the bandaids all over her hands who stole Isaac’s hot dog once

god. That dinner was so fancy and I kept thinking about all these early 2000s chick flicks where a girl eats in a fancy restaurant for one reason or another and I kept thinking about how I love my dad and I kept thinking about how why do we need four different knives and I kept thinking about how that place started in 1918 so it probably wouldn’t have allowed someone who looked like my dad in there for awhile but there I was sitting with my dark brown dad eating food with names and ingredients I have literally never heard of and the chocolate cake melted into itself and chamomile tea is a gift from god

I read a lot of matt Murdock fanfiction today.

How am I 18 years old? I don’t want to… do anything ever… I want to read fan fiction and lay face down on the floor, but not even those two things can be accomplished at the same time.

NOTE: (redacted) means I took something out in case some certain irl people read this, maybe I should’ve taken the thing about tia 2 out but, well, I am somewhat at peace with death

[fashiontrendin-blog]

The Tinder Bio of Every Myers-Briggs Type

http://fashion-trendin.com/the-tinder-bio-of-every-myers-briggs-type/

The Tinder Bio of Every Myers-Briggs Type

T

here’s a new trend on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble: People have started listing their Myers-Briggs types on their profiles, so prospective dates can get a tiny glimpse into a match’s personality before setting up an IRL meetup. As an MBTI nerd and a generally analytical person with an affinity for a couple types in particular (ENTPs are my weakness), I looooooove that this is happening.

While I would not recommend making dating decisions exclusively based on someone’s Myers-Briggs type (two ISTPs can still be wildly different in maturity levels, life experiences, future goals, etc.), it’s definitely fun to get an early impression of the type of person who might show up for drinks. How we might vibe. What their interests could be. How we’ll banter. Sigh. Imagination: Carry me away. Genuinely.

With that in mind, I started thinking about what each personality type might write in their Tinder profile, should they choose to be totally upfront and unfiltered about themselves. Here are my interpretations. Would you swipe right?

Sarcastic. Imaginative. Calculated. Basically cotton candy locked inside a steel cage. I’ve got one flawless vision of the future with a carefully-plotted plan to get there and my perpetually neutral, borderline-chilly facial expression is entirely unintentional. Looking for an intellectually stimulating partner-in-crime. Don’t waste my time and I won’t waste yours.

Introverted extrovert and true enigma. Will likely eviscerate your best arguments, thrill you with banter and charm you to death. I have a billion ideas for date nights and business ventures. (I’ll brainstorm if you choose?) Never boring but always bored. Tell me when to show up and I’m there. Sapiosexual.

If you can pull me away from my philosophy books and scientific theories, I’m a pretty low-key date. I know exactly what I’m looking for; love isn’t that hard to figure out. It’s just a chemical reaction, commitment to grow the relationship, and desire to keep showing up for your partner, right?

Bossy, intense, electric. I don’t have an “off” switch. I’ll take charge of a situation without thinking twice, and I know how to put in the exact amount of work for desired results. I have minimal free time but I make the absolute most of it. I know what I want when I see it. Confidence is sexy, right?

Perfectionistic, quirky and everybody’s friend. Extroverted introvert with a diverse range of interests. My book shelves are full of “chick lit,” history texts, science texts and science fiction. I love analyzing the problems of others but I’m still trying to understand myself. I’m always attracted to the rebel but I’ll only commit to someone who “gets” me. Open to all applicants.

Let’s get a drink. Or go for a hike. Or go skydiving. Or all three?! I see possibilities everywhere, and will chase every last one of them. Easy-going on the surface with a deep, intense core of hidden emotions. Super-extroverted and super-sensitive. Be my biggest cheerleader and I’ll be yours. Challenge me and I’ll challenge you. Note: Cannot go out in my neighborhood if you want alone time.

Cuddly like a teddy bear. Warm like a ray of sunshine. Inspiring AF. Crazy confident and intense. I never think twice about looking uncool. If I’m not into you, I’ll be upfront and won’t waste your time but if I am into you, get ready: I’ll want to hang out 24/7, have picnic lunches, go to the Farmer’s market, and plan a million fun dates. Probably a touch of an overthinker so don’t leave me alone to wonder about your level of interest.

Appearance: Chillest person in the room who just loves to have a good time. Reality: Probably the most sensitive romantic you’ll ever meet. I’ll definitely take rejection personally. I have tons of interests; travel, poetry readings, indie bands you’ve never heard of, quaint dive bars in new cities, and meeting people with quirky humor and style. Dating is like an extreme sport for my emotions and I ultimately can’t wait to find The One (aka another weirdo who just gets me).

Responsible, stable, looking for a partner-in-crime. Home owner. Will show up exactly on time, all the time. Will plan an awesome, thoughtful date. Can’t be bothered to go out on a string of casual dates so will probably give up on the apps eventually. But I’m totally invested in relationships with substance and potential if you’re into that sort of thing.

The best mistake of your life or the best thing to ever happen to you? 😉 “Live for the moment” is my life motto. If I don’t reply, I’m living my life and have totally forgotten about this conversation (sry, not personal!!!). Message me again with IRL date plans, preferably an hour before they happen.

Rarely check this thing. Off rock climbing, hiking, biking, skiing, surfing, running or hanging with my friends. Hit me up if you want to hang.

Not sure if this is the best way to meet a compatible partner but it’s certainly the most efficient way to date in my limited free time! I’m a responsible manager at work, but I know how to let loose. Love travel, friends, craft beer, camping, cooking, and firing up audiobooks before bed. Life is all about balance, humility and turning your dreams into action. If we’ve matched, I definitely want to meet up; I don’t waste time.

Romantic, dreamer, big heart and lots of soul — or so I’m told. Traditionalist in nature, but looking for someone who will challenge me to step outside the box (and make me feel safer in the process). I love old movies, reading on rainy days and deep conversations. My friends convinced me to download this app and I’m not into hookups. Down for a date, but I appreciate when someone else takes the lead.

Life is one big, messy adventure better shared with an awesome partner at your side. Most people see me as a social butterfly and carefree partier but I’m looking for someone who sees that there’s more than meets the eye. Love my friends, dancing, laughing, and getting out there in the world. What’s the most exciting date you can possibly think of? Let’s do that.

Energetic, friendly, the first to show up and the last to leave. When I’m not filling my social calendar, I’m probably spearheading another decorating project, taking care of my nieces and nephews, organizing a work function or generally helping out somewhere. Who said trying hard is a bad thing? I really need a date who can deem to match my level of effort. (No shame.)

A mystery wrapped in enigma with an artist’s heart and a humanitarian spirit. The best listener on Earth, bar none. Flexible and down for pretty much anything; I’m interested in having the greatest night of my life and finding the greatest love of my life. Can be hard to pin down at times, but I’m working on it. I fall for personalities, not just looks. If you make me smile, sparks will be off the charts.

Collage by Madeline Montoya.