paperbacksecrets - Tumblr blog

[paperbacksecrets]

My life is made of beautiful things

Bonfires

Friends

A house filled with noise

But I long for the road

Tires on pavement

Headlights on highways across the country

And I know

Nothing will ever feel like home

As much as a windshield

And a car radio

- j.s.o.

[paperbacksecrets]

Lonely nights

Wondering minds

Far from the city lights

Where stars shine on the country side

Rewake my soul with the sunrise in a field of green & gold

-j.s.o.

[paperbacksecrets]

I have forgotten the feeling of raindrops on my skin

And dancing in puddles like a child

I have forgotten the pride of writing something beautiful

And the look of fresh ink on a page

I have forgotten the smell of a book filled room

And staying up till every word was read

I have forgotten the joy of art

And the depths I saw in the world

I have forgotten the triumph of passion in things I once loved

And instead have been drowninng in my mind

I have forgotten who I am as I became less for someone else

And now I must find myself once again

[paperbacksecrets]

I’m falling again

But I’m scared

It’s not like it was before

Everything hurts

Not because of him, but for him

For a boy I’m afraid to want to accept

Because I don’t want to accept anything from him

I’m trying to unlearn old habits

But how do you trust someone

When promises have meant so little in the past

And I want to tell him how I feel

But I can’t let the words out of my mouth

Because you can’t take them back if it isn’t the same

I’m afraid it isn’t the same for him

And I can’t stand the way I felt again

Because I won’t make it out of my head this time

How am I supposed to do this

How am I supposed to love

[paperbacksecrets]

2 am is for the sad

It’s for the writers and poets

For the broken artists

And I always find myself back here

With these 2 am thoughts

And these words that aren’t mine

At least I wish they weren’t

But here I am again

Drowning in mind, deeper than any ocean depths

I don’t even know who I am anymore

I lost myself in people

In bad decisions

In choices I never should have made

I’m sorry to friends I’ve lost or left behind

To family I haven’t spoken to in a while

But most of all I’m sorry to myself

How did I get here

And how do I get out

[paperbacksecrets]

I don’t know how I’ve let myself get to this point

Honestly, I’m falling apart and everything, every ounce of me hurts

I feel like I’m losing my mind & myself and I’m not really sure how to stop

I just know I have to get out of here

Of this town, this life, this feeling

Am I really this alone?

[paperbacksecrets]

I rely too much on the people around me & I know I've become quite annoying. I'm sorry for that. If it was up to me I would just disappear, I already feel invisible anyways.

I think I've lost myself

[paperbacksecrets]

Hey, it's me

I know it's been awhile

I didn't mean to get here again

But it's 2 am, and you're on my mind

And before I realized it, everything felt sad

[paperbacksecrets]

"Haven't you ever wondered how beautiful the world is outside of those pages?" Emily Collins glanced up at the blue haired boy. He couldn't have been much older than her, maybe a year or two. His tan skin was smooth, lips red and chapped from the cold autumn weather. He had a beaten up leather jacket pulled tightly around him, fighting off the cool breeze that seemed to pass every few moments. His grey eyes starred politely into her green ones as he waited for a response. It would seem like an odd question to most, but Emily rarely did anything but read. In fact she came here, to the library, every weekend for a new book. She read of adventure and romance and danger. Perhaps this was because she wanted a taste of it in her own life and this was the only way to access such journeys. So her answer was simple and contained every ounce of truth she could hold within her. "Everyday."

j.s.o // bookworm // excerpt from i’ll never write #2

[paperbacksecrets]

It's late and I know I should sleep.. but my heart is beating like a drum and my ears are ringing like the telephone I refuse to answer because I know it isn't you on the other end... it never will be

And I know I should close my eyes but they sting from the tears that flow like waterfalls on desert cheeks and my mind is racing with memories that I'd rather just not remember because maybe then missing you wouldn't hurt so bad

But that might just be worse because my biggest fear has always been forgetting the sound of your voice as we sang and I'd dance around your room

Or the feeling of your fingers in my hair and your lips of my forehead

But maybe I already have because I'm not sure that any of it's real, but it's all I have so I cling to thought of you as it tears me apart

And I love you

And I miss you

Goodnight

[paperbacksecrets]

In the end, I do nothing but become the mess I have created

[paperbacksecrets]

They tried to guide me

Like a broken compass in an unforgiving storm,

But it was too late

I had long been lost,

Deep into the brilliant green forests

I had found in your bright eyes,

Filled with far off lands and extravagant adventures

They beckoned to me,

Like beautiful sirens on the never ending oceans

Filled with all your empty promises

- j.s.o. // bright eyes

[paperbacksecrets]

I must confess, my mind is a mess. It's full of chaotic beauty and you.

[paperbacksecrets]

As children we fear evil monsters

that we believe live under the bed

but as we grow older, we realize

they all just live in our head

It's our own demons that chase us

and the things that people have said

our thoughts eat away at our minds

weighing us down like lead

And the one's who seem so alive

are the one's who, inside, are dead

so, if you feel your heart has stopped beating

the monsters have finally fed

- j.s.o. // a mental state

[paperbacksecrets]

[paperbacksecrets]

Our love was beautiful in the most unlikely of ways. Impossible, and yet.. extraordinary. It was like fire and ice, Heaven and hell clashing into one another. Breathtaking and alive; dangerous and deadly. We were choas with no creation, leaving nothing in our path of destruction. We knew we were only hurting each other, that we were destined to fall apart. But how could I possibly say no when my soul longed for you, my heart begging me to say yes.

j.s.o. // chaotic

[paperbacksecrets]

They were different, Or perhaps I was the one who had done the changing. Either way, it was wrong I didn't belong anymore. Like suddenly, I was a stranger Amongst the people who once felt so much like home.

j.s.o. // outsider