pattdork - Tumblr blog

[pattdork]

umm sorry i got attched but its ur fault bcs you were nice to me

[pattdork]

Beatrice: Babe, what are you doing again with the mozzarella?

Ava: I'm stripping the mozzarella. Estou ralando a mussarela para a pizza.

Beatrice: Ralando?

Ava: yeah, stripping the mozzarella.

Beatrice: stripping the mozzarella?

Ava: Yeah, for the pizza later.

Beatrice: Are you taking the mozzarella's clothes off?

Ava: I want to take YOUR clothes off.

Beatrice: Ava, focus, don't you mean shredding the mozzarella?

Ava: oh! Then what does stripping mean?

Beatrice: to take the clothes off.

Ava: Ooook. That's why Lilith was so flustered the other day...

Based on this tiktok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYSsFuPx/

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Ava: Please, Bea, don't torture me.

Ava: Please, please, after everything we've been through together. You can't do this.

Ava: I'm begging you. Don't do it.

Beatrice: It has to be done.

Ava:

Beatrice:

Ava:

Beatrice: *places down a +4* Uno.

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Beatrice: I want us to go over some safety procedures.

Ava: Ok, boss!

Beatrice: Now, if I get stabbed, what do you do?

Ava: 😡💪 Avenge you.

Beatrice: 🤦‍♂️

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Lilith walks past Ava in the dinning room wearing a shirt that says in the back "I have stability".

Ava: do you really?

Lilith turns around and Ava can read the rest of the shirt that says "The ability to stab".

Ava: Oh! That makes more sense.

Lilith *sighs*: What's gotten into your little brain this time?

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Another obvious one...

*i spin the wheel to the right so hard i dislocate both my arms*

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Ava, leaning on the counter: Hello beautiful. Come here often?

Beatrice: Is this the part where I remind you we’ve been married for four years, or do I play along?

Ava: Play along!

Beatrice: Okay. Sorry, I’m not interested. I’m married.

[pattdork]

I second the petition to have Lucy and Reneé as Warrior Nuns!

Xena and Gabrielle will find each other on every era.

Petition to have Lucy and Renee on Warrior Nun as two older raunchy, ass kicking nuns who are "good friends"

[pattdork]

why is trying to make a new friend so embarrassing. hi. me again. asking for your attention once more even though i am literally just some random person to you. it's because i want to be not just a random person to you. please understand

[pattdork]

Beatrice: Do you know what's not right, Ava?

Ava: Left?

Beatrice: No, the fact that you ate my chocolate when you knew 🥺 * actually pouts *

Ava: I'm sorry. Are you OK? Are you mad?

Beatrice:

Ava: Hello? Honey? Babe? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? I love you.

Beatrice: 'Sorry' doesn't bring back my chocolate! 🥺

Ava: I'll buy you some, right now. Do you wanna go with me?

Beatrice hugs Ava from behind, leans in close to her ear and whispers: Eat my chocolate again and I'll punish you. And not in the fun way. 😈

Based on: No Puns Intended: Volume Too - The Last of Us

[pattdork]

I see a lot of posts saying "teach boys about consent".

While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem.

If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.

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Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.

So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.

So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.

So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…

And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…

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Ava: You know a lot of languages. How did you learn so many?

Beatrice: Catholic education...

Beatrice: And you know some too.

Ava: Yeah, watching movies all the time in different languages helped me.

Ava: Also, one of the things I like to do when I'm hanging out with my Portuguese friends is to use "Muito" almost all the time. It's a simple word, but it means a lot to them. 😉

Beatrice *snorts* : Ava...

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OUAT: “True Love is the only magic powerful enough to transcend realms.”

Regina and Emma: ~make magic that opens a portal~

SWEN: Wait…

OUAT: “True Love is the most powerful magic of all.”

Regina and Emma: ~stop unstoppable trigger & constantly save everyone by combining their magic~

SWEN: See, it feels like you’re implying…..

OUAT: “Happy endings aren’t always what we think they will be.”

Regina and Emma: ~gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes before holding hands and tearfully parting ways to save their child~

SWEN: Uh…

OUAT: “If you love somebody, you don’t give up on them.”

Emma: ~“I’m not going to stop trying” to make Regina my friend even if she’s mad at me~

SWEN: Ahem.

OUAT: “You can’t love someone you don’t understand.”

Emma: ~Regina is the only one who understands me~

SWEN: ?¿?¿?¿?

OUAT: “The Snow Queen’s curse makes you turn on the ones you love.”

Regina: ~immediately turns on Emma like Snow turns on Charming~

SWEN: I just….

OUAT: “A child binds two people together forever.”

Regina and Emma: ~share a son~

SWEN: Pls stop.

OUAT: “Our actions are our own but fate pushes us.”

Regina: ~btw it wasn’t a coincidence that I adopted the Savior’s son~

SWEN: I can’t handle this…

OUAT: “Actions speak louder than words.”

Emma: ~tells Hook she loves him on her way to give up her entire life and change the very essence of her soul for Regina~

SWEN: No, really, F U.

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It's Halloween, and Beatrice wears a vampire costume and a discreet ring made of divinium. And as she walks over to Ava, the ring glows more and more.

Ava: I'm Team Edward, by the way 😏.

Beatrice: What do you mean?

Ava: I'd love for you to watch me sleep at night 😉.

Beatrice 😖 * actually worried *: Ava, are you ok?

Ava: You so need to watch Twilight... The actress is the ultimate lesbian.