piendoll - Tumblr blog

[piendoll]

Bpd culture is "life would be so much better if I kept my mouth shut."

.

[piendoll]

Im not jealous? Why would I be jealous? That is such a stupid reason to be jealous, no one would be upset about that. You want to see them happy. Yes I really do. So why would I be jealous, huh?

[piendoll]

I ruined their whole year. I ruined their whole life. I am so selfish for existing in their life. I do not deserve them at all. I am not the one they love most.

[piendoll]

Do I even cross your mind? Do you think about me or would it mean nothing if we never met?

[piendoll]

I hate how much "gift giving" and material things mean to me. I guess it's because of my emotional permanence and not feeling loved when they're not around or telling me so having things helps remind me. I want to give them a lot but I also want to receive. It's pointless to ask though. I guess I'm just selfish for wanting material things.

[piendoll]

Hate how I'm always associated with bad. I've always been called negative my whole life. A stupid, annoying "negative nancy". I don't even mean to or want to be negative. I hate and am sixk of negativity, actually. I want to be a positive and uplifting person, but I'll probably never be.

[piendoll]

bpd culture is feeling so loved and appreciated and cherished in a moment, and then the moment ends, and you're convinced nobody has any love or care for you in their hearts, and that you're just a fleeting thought.

.

[piendoll]

Wanting someone 2 love you like you love them when you have bpd is so shattering

[piendoll]

I dont make any sense. I want friends and attention so bad and yet I ignore people. I want to be close with someone yet I stop talking and stop caring. I hate it how do I stop. I want to like people I DO want friends but maybe I cant handle them? Or Im just a bad person? I was to feel comfortable. I want to enjoy talking to others.

[piendoll]

I want them to give me more love without having to ask. If I ask then they'll feel forced. I want them to say more and describe their love. But it won't happen. Truly I'm alone. Being obsessed hurts.

[piendoll]

I genuinely feel so empty. I feel sick. I dont even want to be here.

[piendoll]

Im just so done with it all. I want to go back to when things were beautiful. I WANT LOVE

[piendoll]

They don't even love me anymore. It's not the same as it was before. The love they used to give is not there. I can't bear them pretending to give me love. I feel so empty.

[piendoll]

I feel like a bad partner because of my bpd. My episodes are exhausting. I'm exhausting. I can't help I'm broken, but I can help my behavior. I'm so sorry. I know I apologize too much. I'm sorry you have to walk on eggshells. I feel guilt, knowing that a different partner could be easier for you. I feel guilt knowing practically no one will put up with me. Why do you?

[piendoll]

I feel like an abandoned child with surface level love and toys I dont care about. I feel weird. I feel wrong. I feel tainted and lost. I hate this. Why would I be abandoned? All I do is give all my love and I get nothing. Theres no time for me. Im not a child im not the center of the universe

[piendoll]

I dont feel loved at all. Why dont they tell me how much they love me? Why dont they send me long paragraphs of love? Why do they only say "i love you"? Am I not special enough to them? Why dont they show me love? WHY.

[piendoll]

I want to belong. I want to be protected WHY WONT YOU PROTECT ME????? Why arent you taking care of me? What if im not ok? It hurts