secret-gardens-inmy-mind

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

abuse

Not every man but ALWAYS a man. Or in this case, 51 men.

What happened to Gisèle Pelicot came to light in the last few days. Her husband had been drugging her by mixing sleeping pills in her food and drink for over a decade to rape her while she was unconscious. He filmed her and invited 51 men to do the same to her. The pictures and videos were recently found in the husband's phone, Dominique Pelicot, and that's when Gisèle found out what had been done to her. After him drugging and raping her for a DECADE and inviting 51 other men to do the same.

Gisèle decided to make this case public because she said she wants to raise awareness about the use of drugs to commit sexual abuse. She didn't want to stay anonymous and she decided to take a stand and testify against him despite how hard it must've been for her. She had to face the 51 men that raped her in court, she had to see pictures and videos of herself and she did this so the truth and the full case of the facts could emerge. Her courage is truly admiring.

I seriously can't make my brain understand how this is even possible. I don't even have adjectives to describe it because I just can't process the fact that this is real. Why would someone do this. Why. I simply don't get it. It's heartbreaking how stuff like this keeps happening. This case is an extreme and it was thankfully brought to light. What about all the cases that aren't reported? All the little girls that are scared of holidays and family reunions? All the women that are scared to say anything because they might or might not be believed? Imagine having to re-tell your trauma in a courtroom, see the person that violated you in every way possible and face judgement to see if you are or aren't telling the truth. To see if your trauma is valid enough. To talk about the thing that broke you over and over again just to see some justice done. That's why I admire why Gisèle Pelicot did, because that takes an insurmountable amount of courage.

And people still ask why we need feminsim. THIS. Reasons like this that happen all the time because men feel entitled to women. Even if she's your wife she is NOT yoour property. Women are not your property, they are not your toy, they are people and deserve to be treated as such. Little girls are being taught how to prevent being sexually harrassed instead of teaching men consent. If it’s no it’s no. It’s not keep insisting, it’s not playing hard to get, it’s no. Quite a simple word you would have thought men were capable of understanding. And if she was "asking for it", she will ask for it. A short dress is not an invitation.

I have not met one girl or woman who hasn’t been sexually harrassed from catcalling to abuse. I have not met one woman who is not scared to walk on their own on the streets. At this point, respect feels like a priviledge when it should be the bare minimun we deserve. And we deserve to be safe.

Because no, it's not all men. But it's always men. And it's very close to being all women.

"Why are you a feminist?", when we are living in a world where it's literally impossible not to be.

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

love letter to Taylor Swift

Thank you for healing me and so many people with your music. For telling us stories through your masterful lyrics and for transmitting your feelings and passion through your music. For never making us feel alone. For empowering us and inspiring us. For making us feel loved and appreciated as fans. Thank you for doing a non-stop three and a half hour-long show for us. I enjoyed every second of it and I don't think anything will ever compare to the magic that is going to the Eras Tour.

The moment the countdown starts and Taylor appears from under the stage, you could feel the air being charged with electricty all through-out the 92,000 people in Wembley Stadium. I felt such overflowing joy coursing through my body, it was truly unbelievable. I couldn't believe I was really here after preparing 8 months for this concert. It's been a long time coming and it was definitely worth the wait. The emotions were riding high all night, but that single moment when Taylor comes onstage is a feeling I will never forget.

You feel so safe when you're at her concert, it's really like no other place on Earth. There are no drunk men insulting each other, or catcalling you, there is no one judging you. Every single person at that concert is there to have fun and you feel so at ease. Because Swifties are usually pinned as 'crazy' but never 'passionate' and I haven't met a single one who isn't the sweetest and kindest person. There are no accidents provoked by the fans at the concerts like there are at football games. Some may say 'I just don't get the hype'. Well honey, you don't have to get it, you just have to respect it.

The Fearless era of the concert makes me feel so nostalgic because those songs made up my whole childhood and after I had screamed and cried to All Too Well for 10 minutes, I already had no voice. There is just nothing more therapeutic than screaming 'fuck the patriarchy' with 92,000 swifties. When Taylor sings the high note in Don't Blame Me, it literally feels like your soul leaves your body for a moment. And not to even mention the transition to Look What You Made Me Do!! Jaw-dropping moment that rocked me to my very core.

After she sang Champagne Problems, the whole stadium gave her a 4 minute long ovation. It was loud and defeaning the whole 4 minutes non-stop, and altough the whole concert is unforgettable, that moment I will never remember it and not get teared up. The most special set for me was TTPD, because we had a surprise guest, Florence and the Machine and when she appeared onstage the whole stadium went wild! My personal favourtie is when Taylor performs Who's Afraid of Little Old Me, because it makes me feel so powerful and she sings it with so much rage that it tops any other performance. Nevertheless, the bridge to the Smallest Man Who Ever Lived was screamed by the whole stadium in a way that gives me goosebumps remembering it. So many icnonic moments, but nothing will ever top the surprise songs.

Every time I now look at a video of Taylor performing So Long London, I get this knot in my chest because you can hear the pain in her voice. It was my favourite performance of hers in the acoustic set by a long shot because we can all feel the heartbreak and closure the song brings. She made sure that the last night in the European leg of the Eras Tour was special and once Karma was over and the fireworks were done, I felt so full of love and happiness in a way only her concert and her music can make you feel.

Remembering all those memories made in those 3 hours makes me cry (to be honest I've been crying the whole time I was writing this) and that's why Taylor Swift will never compare to any other artist. So thank you Taylor, for doing this big show for us, for making it something we will never forget. For being so hard working to get where you have, for putting so much effort and love into everything you do. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Thank you for being my role model, for being the kind of celebrity I can admire with every single interview or speech I hear from you.

You built a legacy no one can undo.

You've broken countless records with this tour alone, let's not even discuss the records your art, that belongs to you and you alone, has broken.

You are the music industry.

It was enchanting to meet you. I love you to the moon and to saturn <3

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

love letter to london

Dear London,

I have always loved big cities but you truly have something so unique and life-altering that doesn't compare to any corner on Earth.

You're definitely not for everyone, and that's what I love most about you. You're elegant, classic and modern at the same time. Walking through places like Kensington, Oxford Street or the West End makes me feel like I'm in a movie. It takes my breath away to stand in places like these and it disarms me completely that after not seeing you since 2017, I still feel this knot in my chest every time I look at you. And all I can do is dream that one day I will be living here. I was so close to actually live here once, but you're so difficult to reach. It doesn't matter anyway cause I haven't stopped dreaming.

People might say you're cold and I can confirm that. It was the middle of the summer and one day it was sunny, but the next day there was a chilly wind in the air that I could feel in my bones. I was just bothered I didn't go prepared, because I actually love the cold. And if someday I want a warm summer, that's what traveling is for.

Everything here was so organized and neat, but most importantly I felt safe. I went to a concert alone, returned home alone at night and (for the most part) I felt safe. For me, that means the world. I also loved every street that is filled with history and culture. The British Museum felt like a dream and I actually couldn't believe that every single museum was free. And don't even get me started on the bookstores! It was like heaven, walking into the Waterstones in Picadilly and exploring the 6 floors for 2 hours. Regent's Park and Hyde Park were the perfect spot to have a snack and read. There is no other way I would rather spend my afternoon.

You are also not known for your typical food, but I did try the fish and chips. They were surprisingly good! Beans for breakfast were not it, I'm afraid. Regardless, going to Camden Market or Borough Market made for an exquisite food outing because all the food over there is delicious. There are so many little stores in Camden as well, I had to restrain myself from buying so many things!

The only complaint I have is about your tubes (metro, in other words). They're so small and cute, but when it's summer it can be really suffocating especially considering how many people take them. I still believe Barcelona's public transport is best (mainly because of the air conditioner !) and I will never complain about it being expensive ever again after comparing it to London prices.

So, time has come to say goodbye and I felt so strongly that i didn't want to leave. All the core memories now engraved in my brain and heart made it impossible to be ready to go back. I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place...

So Long London <3

(if you see me living here in the future, you will know I made it :)

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

It Ends With Us

You can stop swimming now, Lily. We have finally reached the shore

I read this book in 2021 and it instantly became one of my favourite books of all time. It's really difficult for me to put into words what this book makes me feel and how much it means to me, but now that I recently saw the movie adaptation, I'll try.

This book encapsules something many women have unfortunately gone through and how hard it can be to get out of a situation as horrible as this one.

1 in 4 women are victims of domestic abuse.

As an outsider, it's very easy to judge and think "why doesn't she leave him?". But reading this book made me realize it's not that easy. The author does and incredible and gut-wrenching job of making the reader feel what Lily feels throughout her story. We feel her love, her happiness, her fear, her desperation, her heartbreak and her pain. We feel her fall inlove with this guy, Ryle, a perfect and dreamy neurosurgeon who makes her laugh and makes her feel loved. "But fifteen seconds. That's all it takes to completely change everything about a person". She becomes a victim of abuse, like she witnessed her mother did when she was a kid. As an outsider, it's easy to judge, but when you are in the abusive relationship, the abuser does everything in his power to make you believe everything is okay, that he's sorry and that it won't happen again. Like when Ryle tells Lily that she fell down the stairs, not that he pushed her.

"

People spend so much time wondering why the women don't leave. Where are all the people who wonder why the men are even abusive? Isn't that where the only blame should be placed?”

Lily's story really made me

feel

in every way possible and I can't recommend this book enough. It's heartwrenching, yes. It made me cry more than once? Yes. But every single person should read this book to receive the message it tells us.

The movie adaptation I saw yesterday left me pleasantly surprised. I'im always skeptical of book to movie adaptations, especially when it's one of my favourites. But I have to say, even though I had my doubts at first, the movie had every bit of heart the book did. The characters were portrayed impeccably and it stayed very loyal to the source material. There were also many quotes directly from the book that I loved hearing on the big screen. I was not dissapointed and I'm still thinking about the movie hours later.

To wrap up my thoughts, I find it quite beautiful that Lily decided to be strong and leave him when her daughter was born. Because she knew the pattern would continue. She did it for her.

"Break the pattern, before the pattern breaks us. It stops here, with me and you. It ends with us."

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

Sister

the unspoken bond between kindred souls

Everyone says we look alike and neither of us see it, but I am you and you are me. We came from the same tree but we just hit the ground in different ways. Our edges are flattened and sharpened at different points but we have a similar voice and our fuses blow out the same way. Nobody makes me angrier than you but you are also the only person I would lay down my life for.

I genuinely think the love of a sibling is the most unique love in the world.

The love of a sibling is like a tender whisper in the chaos of existence. It is the gentle caress of a breeze on a summer's day, the unwavering light that guides us through the darkest nights. The love of a sibling transcends time and space, waving threads of compassion, trust and joy into the fabric of our lives. It's an eternal flame, a symphony of two hearts beating in harmonious rhythm, a beacon of hope and warmth that fills our world with an ineffable, radiant beauty.

It's different to loving a mother or a father, an aunt or an uncle or a cousin. All of this things are different in and of themselves but it's just so interesting to me how complex a relationship with your sibling can be but, despite everything, it's all about bleeding the same blood and bleeding it together. Bleeding it for each other.

Even the dynamic of older sibling and younger sibling is so different and complex. As an older sister, I would be the one to keep her warm and safe because all I want is to protect her. I would be her lifeline if she needed it. I would bleed myself dry for her to be okay. But sometimes, younger siblings can be the ones to comfort you and keep you safe. They can be someone to fall back on for them to say "it's okay, I've got you this time. You can stop bleeding. It's my turn to be the strong one for the both of us". There is an unbreakable and unspoken bond that makes a sibling relationship unlike any other.

My sister is my source of happiness because she saved me when I wasn't myself. She was there to keep me anchored. Every time she holds my hand or smiles at me or hugs me, it's like she dismantles all of my barriers because this little human feels safe with me. And that's everything.

I miss you and love you so much little sis <3

It's me and you, always

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

All the Young Dudes

The heartfelt, nostalgic and tragic story of the marauders

The first book I finished this summer was a story called "All the Young Dudes", which is set in the Harry Potter universe and follows the seven years in Hogwarts of the Marauders and the first Wizarding War. It is told by the perspective of (my personal favourite) Remus Lupin. Since this was a long read, I was a little hesitant to start it because it requires commitment, but now that I have I can confidently say it has changed my life.

The Marauders caught my attention from the first time I read the HP books and the characters have always been my favourites. They are formed by: James Potter (Harry's father), Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. The author of this story does an amazing job of submerging the reader into the world of the 70s, which is the time period when they attend Hogwarts, capturing the essence of their friendship and mischief. She creates a heartfelt aura in writing how they met, their well-crafted character development throughout the years, how their relationships with different people developed, the pranks they got up to and the creation of what any HP fan knows as "The Marauder's Map".

The story delves deep into themes of friendship, love, and loss, offering a richly detailed backstory that makes us feel more attached to characters that were mentioned briefly in the original series. We see their friendship grow and strengthen as the Marauders support Remus with his "furry little problem". The author makes you feel connected to the characters, so even though you know it ends tragically, you can't help but laugh, cry and feel everything along with them. It is so richly written that it paints a vivid picture in my head of the fierce world they lived in at the time.

This story made me feel every single emotion possible, including love, loss and resilience, which are woven throughout the story making it both heartwarming and heartbreaking. Because when you finally reach to the tragedy that befalls them, it becomes so much more sorrowful now that we got to know them, but that adds to the emotional impact it has on its readers.

Finally, it has a love story that rendered me completely speechless. In the only way I can think to describe it is that they are soulmates. It is a deeply moving and essential piece of the narrative. The way the author portrays their relationship from the beginning when they are 11 and they become friends, to their realization of their feelings for each other and learning to handle them. They both find solace and strength in each other but it's far from perfect. The author does not shy away from the difficulties they each have to work on or how their love becomes all-consuming that it can be ugly. But in the way that it's okay for love to be ugly. That's something this story has taught me, it's okay for love to be ugly, because it's not always going to be perfect and it's actually in the ugly moments when it matters most. They have both gone through so much internal and external struggles that their passion for each other is their safe-haven. It shows their relationship as something they must work on and fight for, and that makes it all the more compelling and realistic.

All the Young Dudes captures that bittersweet essence of growing up during a time of darkness and war. It teaches us to live in the moment and appreciate every day as it comes. Now that I've finished it, I have oficially gone back into my harry potter phase and the marauders will always hold a special place in my heart.

"Anything for our moony" <3

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

Outside of ur comfort zone

This first year of university comes to a wrap and I can't help but be aware of how much I have grown and how much I have got to know myself. I have moved 9,391 km away from my town to pursue a career of journalism in Barcelona and it was everything but easy. It has been my dream to study abroad since I was really young because I never felt truly at home at my town and I always dreamed of getting out. I just didn't fit in and the older I got, the more suffocating it felt. Despite the fact that I had been waiting for this moment my whole life, it didn't make it any less hard to say goodbye to my family and friends and to start a brand new life all the way across the ocean.

Living alone for the first time is like having a bucket of ice cold water thrown at your face. Suddenly realizing how priviledged I was became a startling reality. I had to learn to do my own laundry, wash my own dishes, do my own bed, keep my living space clean, learn to use public transportation and learn to cook. I hate cooking!! I hadn't cooked anything more than a quesadilla in my entire life. I had to keep track of my money, save my money, do my own paperwork. Figuring all this out as I adapted to a new country, new culture and new people. All these changes are a catalyst for growth. My own growth, as I began to truly know myself and what it felt like living outside the comfort of my parent's house. Where I had everything done for me and my dad would drive me anywhere I needed.

Because the truth is, if you don't leave your comfort zone you never learn. You never live. Fear can trick us into living a boring life with the world we know when we deserve so much more. Our comfort zones are lovely places -it's in the word itself; comfort- but nothing ever grows there. It's okay to be afraid and nervous of change, it can be really intimidating. But like someone I really admire said: "The scary news is, you're on your own now. But the good news is, you're on your own now!"

Look around you. How many people do you see settling? Probably a hell of a lot. People settle into okay relationships, okay jobs, okay friends and an okay life. Because "okay" is comfortable. "Okay" pays the bills and provides a warm bed at night. Some people are fine with okay, and guess what? That's okay. But "okay" is not thrilling, it isn't passion, it's not life-changing or unforgettable. Okay is not the reason you risk leaving absolutely everything behind for the smallest chance of achieving something amazing.

If anyone needs to hear it, like me when I was scared and on my own somewhere new: you're on your own kid and you can face this <3

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

Peace

pure, undiluted cruelty

An image has gone viral on social media with the words "All Eyes on Rafah" after an airstrike by Israeli troops at a tent camp for displaced people where 45 innocents were killed. Why has this attack in particular revolutionized the whole internet when this conflict has been going on for 6 months? When more than 36,000 people have been dying in Gaza and over 15,000 children have been dug out of the rubble after a bombing? Until what point does human cruelty have to reach for the world to really have their eyes on Rafah and call for a ceasefire to stop this massacre. It's very easy to just click a button to reshare an image generated by AI when there are so many other ways you can help. And I know some words on a blog aren't going to do some real difference either, but this is my way of speaking up and expressing my thoughts and feelings in writing.

We know that no side in this conflict is innocent. It's obvious Hamas uses their people and civilians as a body-shield and Israel has every right to defend themselves after the attack on October 7th. But can we just stop for a moment focusing on taking sides and really take a look at the many families and lives that were lost to this day. There have been heartbreaking images of parents holding up their decapitated kid or their newborn dead in their arms. I'm not sure how a parent ever recovers and I'm not sure how parents anywhere can be talking about anything else.

Injured, malnourished and traumatized children that live on those tents (!!!) because their homes have been bombed. There are inevitable lives lost in war, but there are also lines that you don't cross. You don't bomb where civilians are living, especially children. You can never convince me that bruning children alive in tents is necessary to protect another country. You don't bomb hospitals. You don't cut off water and electricity causing a public health crisis. These are all war crimes. The UN has said it. Many countries in the EU have said it. What "red line" do the US politicians need for all this human cruelty to stop? How is this cruelty possible when the entire world is rising up to end it?

We know, as this is one of the many examples in history, where the government is not a representation of the people. The Israeli government has crossed a line, and they did it a long time ago when they started targeting the palestinian people. They have comitted war crimes and they should be held responsible. Isn't that what the UN was created for after a different genocide ocurred in WW2? To prevent all of this wars and massive massacres? This conflict is not about taking sides, it's about standing for what is right. And there is no way that the amount of civilians and children that arev killed or injured or starving is what's right. There is no way that the crimes comitted agaisnt humanity by Israel's government is what's right.

Ceasefire. Stop this war for power. Everyone deserves to live in peace.

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

Letting Go

"Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you stop forcing others to"

These past few months have been predominated by a feeling I couldn't quite put my finger on. It creeped up on me slowly until it became too much and started to overwhelm me.

It was like trying to stay afloat in the parts of the ocean where you can't reach the ground with your toes. Unstable, anxious, desperate, lonely. I started to feel like an imposition, left out and standing in the middle of somewhere I didn't belong. I started to overthink everything. 

Am I asking too much of this person? Am I being too much? Why would they lie to me, hide things from me, leave me to fade away just to pretend everything was okay to my face?

I kept kicking and swimming, trying to stay afloat until I soon came to understand that I was forcing and fighting for something that was already gone.

So I stopped.

And I let myself sink to the bottom of the ocean, just so I could get some quiet, away from my hurting.

The laughter, the talking, the gossiping, the crying together. The trips, the memories, the plans for the future. Telling me I could call anytime I needed to, but then not answering when I did. I was holding on to it with a white-knuckle dying grip. But my heart held sadness for a friendship that simply doesn't look the way it used to. And I, personally, feel bad for not picking up their calls now, for ignoring their texts, for choosing my mental space over theirs. But it's necessary. And I'm tired of putting myself second.

We can't be afraid of loosing people. I learned that there is nothing more scary or lonely than losing yourself trying to please people that weren't meant for you anyway. At some point you realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life. It's okay to walk away if you feel like you don't belong anymore. Like it's hurting you. Like it's draining you because you're the only one putting in the effort. Any kind of relationship will waste away if you don't take care of it and put in your contribution.

At this point in life, if you feel a certain way about their actions, gracefully remove yourself. We can't change anyone and we shouldn't want to. I noticed now more than ever that people will do exactly what they want regardless of your feelings or opinions. Some people we only meet to help us grow, and that's what this person did for me. And I'm thankful for that.

There is peace in letting go. And now I feel like I have finally emerged from the bottom of the ocean and I can breathe again.

[secret-gardens-inmy-mind]

Escapism

Who would have thought that pages in a book could make you feel so alive? That mere ink on paper could make you feel so deeply? That what some person writes in a random corner of this earth could come to mean a tremendous deal to so many people. Words have the power to change us, and they have done that to me. They have been my salvation, in every way possible. It's like reaching an oasis after a long day, week, year and finally being able to breathe.

There are certain books that brand you for life. When you're reading these kind of books there is no other way to describe how it feels other than magical. It's something that not many people understand, partly because it's so hard to explain. It's such a strong feeling that overcomes all logic and reason, consuming all of you. All your thoughts, all your actions, all your decisions are connected by an invisible string to these stories you live inside your head.

"Is it all real, or is it just happening inside my head?

Of course it's happening inside your head Harry. But why should that mean that it's not real?"

-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

When I read, I'm able to escape reality for a few hours, live in a world completely parallel to mine without even leaving my room. Falling into step beside the characters I meet, charging into battle, living out their legends and myths, knowing I wouldn't be with them beyond that final page and having a constant, impending goodbye looming over my head begs the question; is it worth all that everlasting heartbreak?

Though I may move forward, the characters I read about become so intrinsincally connected to my heart and their stories so embedded in my very soul that I carry them with me on my daily life. I carry their lessons and their love that got me through my worst days when they made me feel like I would never be alone. Like I said before, words have inmense power but they also have insurmountable beauty. So, yes it is worth every second because books have shown me love stories so marvelous that transcend worlds and even death. They have taught me to love myself, to become unbreakable and most of all, that "our stories are worth telling." That "you can rattle the stars, you can do anything if only you dared". But mostly I remember that every time I go back to them, they will always be waiting to welcome me home.