shebeezee

[shebeezee]

“Darling, you’ll be okay.”

Splitting from you hurt so much. Realizing how much I put up with to bend over backwards for you. No one should have to go through that. I just wanted your love and trust. You just wanted my body. I’ll be alright now that you’re not around.

“Sunshine

There ain't a thing that you can do

That's gonna ruin my night”

Oh how I wish you’d tell me something like that. How I wish you’d tell me that I could never annoy you. How I wish you’d be open and tell me how you feel. I just want you to reassure me that you don’t hate me. I will always think you’re upset with me otherwise.

[shebeezee]

Thank you to all 159 of you still hanging out here and thank you to everyone who’s interacted with my page. It means a lot. 💛

I made this account while I was going through a pretty bad split and I’m not sure if I’m necessarily doing better but I feel like I’ve reached a point where I’m pretty over that situation specially but a lot of other roadblocks have happened which have taken a toll on me. I do miss posting on here but it also feels kinda overwhelming wanting to come back for some reason? Probably because I’ve been in a terrible head space. Anyways I’m sure no one’s gonna end up seeing this small ramble but thank you either way.

Love you all, my precious little flowers. 🌻

[shebeezee]

Hey! I know u haven’t been active in a while but I hope ur doing ok! ❤️ I really resonated with ur blog alot and u were able to put alot of what I was thinking into words better than I could. I’m too shy to reach out to u but ur a big inspo to me.

This is my first time logging back into Tumblr after so long because frankly I’ve been in a terrible head space but this genuinely made me tear up :’) Thank you to whoever you are. I hope to be able to come back to this page soon. Thank you to anyone who’s still sticking out here. I’ve been too overwhelmed to check everything but I’ll try to get through it soon.

[shebeezee]

Sorry for disappearing, I completely forgot I even existed for a hot minute! Was too busy getting consumed by the eternal emptiness that fills my existence. It will happen again! :D

[shebeezee]

when they meant everything to you and you were suffocating for just the smallest piece of their attention but they moved on like you never existed

[shebeezee]

seeing the way some people’s face twitches when you tell them you have a personality disorder can tell you a lot about how they view it and no one will understand the pain of meeting someone you connect with so much just to see that flash of disgust/panic on their face when you mention you have a personal disorder unless you’ve been in those footsteps

[shebeezee]

coming to terms that it’s over doesn’t feel real at all

one day you were happily chatting away and enjoying each other’s company but now it’s all gone. it feels so empty. disconnecting + splitting so now you don’t even remember the small things you once treasured about them so much

[shebeezee]

As someone who suffers from BPD, do you have a favorite person?

I did, unfortunately!

We haven’t spoken in a while so these past two months have basically been me coming to terms that I have to cut them off completely and move on, otherwise it wouldn’t be healthy for me. I’m glad to finally be able to get to a point where I no longer have a FP.

Thank you for asking and I hope you take care of yourself! 💛 Thank you for sending something in!

[shebeezee]

do u try 2 make ur post relatable bc I relate alot

Sorry for the late reply but no! I don’t try and make “relatable posts” whenever I write something on here. They’re all me venting in some way, shape, or form. I’ve never been one to want to get too personal or deep venting because I feel bad about it but it brings me comfort when I can put something out there and I, myself, know what/ who it’s directed to.

For example, I believe the post that people relate to the most is the “fuck you, you’re such an asshole (please answer me, I’m losing my mind)” one. It was directed at someone specific in my life and I was venting about it in my own way but I think it’s simple enough for all different types of people to relate. Other people with BPD know the feeling or someone going through a heartbreak might understand the emotions on a personal level. Even someone struggling with depression who feels like no one is there for them might be able to relate.

I’m so sorry to anyone going through it, it’s definitely not easy. I’ve had a few people reach out and say that my account brings them comfort because they can relate so much to the stuff I’m saying which I’m happy about. I’m glad I’m able to help some people feel less alone in the world just as everyone helps me feel less alone as well.

Thank you for sending something in! Hope this answers your question!

[shebeezee]

realizing that now you actually have to let them go hurts so much.

you were holding onto to that hope that they’d return, they just had to. they meant so much to you and you loved them so much. you still do but you know they’re not coming back. they’re done with you. there’s nothing you can do

they were your whole world and now you’ve been thrown away like a piece of trash. why, oh why, do you have to ruin everything you touch?

[shebeezee]

“no matter what happens, i still want us to be friends afterwards.”

so that was a fucking lie

[shebeezee]

sometimes I don’t even want advice. sometimes I don’t even want to be heard. sometimes all I want is just to be acknowledged. the comfort of knowing that you don’t have to talk about anything going on but you’re still acknowledged.

especially with BPD it’s always “you’re just being dramatic” “you’re just overreacting” “it’s all in your head” but hearing someone just acknowledge you is comforting especially when you feel in your head about the situation.

[shebeezee]

I’m Latina with BPD too

Aw, I’m sure it hasn’t been easy on you. A lot of POC households aren’t the greatest and Latino households are no exception. I’m sure it’s been a struggle trying to navigate things but I hope you’re doing alright! Thanks for sending something in! 💛

[shebeezee]

They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back. They are not coming back. They will never be back.

[shebeezee]

Remembering a time where you actually enjoyed things. Remembering how you enjoyed specific hobbies. How you enjoyed specific shows or movies. How much fun you had while goofing around. How colorful the world seemed.

Now it’s not the same. It’s never going to be the same. The things you once enjoyed so much now feel so dull and more like work you have to do. The bright flame you once had nothing more than a tiny light about to burn itself out in any moment. The passion you once had that burned so brightly is nowhere to be seen. Even doing basic things such as going to take a shower or brushing your teeth feel impossible some days. Seeing your life go by right in front of your eyes. Everything seems a blur. Nothing feels real. The loneliness calls to you because it feels better to actually be alone over having people around you and knowing you can’t ever talk to them. You want to have someone there so desperately but you know you’re a ticking time bomb. You’ll be the only one left to be picking up the pieces one you explode. No one can handle being around you. You can’t even handle yourself at times. It’s so suffocating. Sometimes you want to just disappear into the darkness so you can finally be at peace. Laying in a bed of roses, falling asleep for one last time.

[shebeezee]

Always feeling like it’s never enough.

The void that fills you, nothing feels like it’ll ever fill it up. That emptiness constantly there. Being in a happy moment and not being able to actually fully feel that happiness because you know that empty feeling is right around the corner. Wanting to please others but always feeling empty because you’re no one’s pick. Feeling bad for yourself but then feeling like it’s not even worth it. You are nothing, you’ll feel nothing soon. Constantly wanting to fix yourself and fix your life but your impulses always get the best of you. Seeing others have perfectly healthy relationships with others while you always fear people leaving you the second they can.

Always feeling like you’re never enough.

[shebeezee]

Welcome to my page! <3

I’m redoing this now that I’ve been on here for a little while. :]

Quick Intro:

Hey, I’m Bee! I’m a 21 year old queer hispanic from the USA. I prefer if a mix of pronouns are used for me but it’s not required.

I have multiple different disorders/ mental illnesses but you’ll mostly only find BPD related vents here so big TW for BPD related stuff. It’s a safe place for anyone who struggles with any type of disabilities, disorders, mental illnesses, etc.

My DMs, Inbox, etc is always open for any comments, questions, concerns, etc. I’m not very active on Tumblr (I don’t spent a lot of time on here) and I don’t have notifications on but I will respond once I see your message. If you’d like to be mutuals, feel free to interact with this post! Feel free to like, reblog, comment or shoot me a message! If I deem that your account is too triggering for whatever reason however, I may not follow back.

Take care of yourself honey! 💛

Tags:

#SheBeeZee - lil rambles or whatever else

#Inbox - inbox stuff

#BPD - bpd related vent/ rants

Longer Intro:

Hello again! I’ll just go into a bit more detail here. :)

I’ve been off the internet for a long while since I did cut off everyone in my life a few years ago. I isolated myself until more recently when I really started struggling and needed a place to vent out some frustrations. I struggle reaching out to people so feel free to reach out yourself, I promise you’re always welcomed here! :]

I only really post BPD related stuff here to try to keep things more of a safe place where there’s not too many sensitive things that can easily trigger people. I do have a side blog that’s not too hard to find but I won’t link it here because I’ll be rambling more on there about other sensitive topics that can be triggering.

I never had a “Tumblr Era” before this so I’ve pretty much been going in blind. I also don’t spend too much time looking at stuff on here either, not cause I don’t want to but just the mental illness brain talking.

I also do have pretty bad paranoia so if there’s ever something I don’t really answer or I seem to avoid mentioning, please don’t take it personally. I don’t mean any harm by it but I just prefer to keep some things private and my privacy is something I value a lot.

As I mentioned previously, I do have a lot of different disorders along with BPD so BPD can look very different on me compared to someone else who has different disorders. I am not a professional and only use this page to vent thoughts related to my experiences or things I’m going through. People without BPD might also relate to some of my vents since I do have other disorders that can affect my mindset so please don’t take anything I say or vent about as professional medical advice. If anyone wants to talk about it privately, I don’t mind that but please don’t take anything I say as 100% one way or the other since BPD can really look much different in people as well as my other disorders that are also factors to take in.

Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate anyone who sticks around! It’s definitely made me smile knowing there’s a lot of people who can relate to things I struggle with. It makes me feel much less alone than I did when I first started this account. It’s made me feel less crazy and less “it’s all in my head” about things. I appreciate each and every one of you. 🫶 Hope I see all my cute lil flowers around often! 🌻 Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated and remember you’ve been doing amazing with the cards you got given. If no one has said it, I’m so proud of you and love you! 🐝

Started: 9/27/23

Carrd: (bc I’m proud of it :>)