#& for some reason i feel this urgency to let her know i’m a lesbian like she needs to know this how can i get in contact with her right NOW

[diabolicjoy]

i need a sweet kind hearted older lady to adopt me as her granddaughter so badly. i need someone who’s lived such a full & intense life but is still here loving & caring & who wouldn’t mind having tea with me & teaching me knitting tricks & chatting about life. i’d tell her all about the girl i like & she wouldn’t mind a bit. we’d get each other’s christmas presents & birthday cakes & learn from each other & honestly we’d be the coolest pair of besties

[indigovigilance]

Maggie is Possessed

This is my second meta! My first one is here.

I’m not the first fan to be suspicious of Maggie but I’m going to argue why she might be possessed (and I hypothesize that specifically she is possessed by an angel), rather than being eldritch herself, and will propose some reasons why the hitchhiker might be doing this.

First, a quick list of her early observable behaviors:

She cannot spell urgency

She signs “very faithfully yours”

She refuses to drink alcohol

Golden angel-wing earrings, anyone?

Have you seen those clothes?

All of those things are angelic, but why possession, specifically? Evidence is presented in order of chronology and not necessarily how strong it is, below the cut:

First: The timeline is weird. She’s eight months behind on rent, and suddenly decides she needs to speak to Mr. Fell “on a matter of some ugrency” and insists she can be out by next week. It’s inconsistent behavior that could indicate that a new decision-maker has taken over. First-point-five, she calls Aziraphale an angel: does she know?

Second: re-watch the first coffee shop scene, S2E1 at 13:20. Yes yes, it reads like a cute lesbian flirtation scene. That’s the cowrie shell. Pick it up. There’s a caraway seed underneath. When she arrives at the coffee shop for the first time, Maggie’s confused “ah, yes, coffee” might not be the flustered redirect you thought it was, but rather indicating that whoever is riding around in that body doesn’t actually know how a coffee shop works. But Nina (to Hitchhiker!Maggie’s relief) remembers her order. So Human!Maggie has been here before, in fact, Nina calls her a regular, to which Hitchhiker!Maggie says “oh right, yes, I’m that.” Not sus at all, sister.

Third: During the “herbal tea” exchange, Maggie says to Nina that “I didn’t go to parties” and she was “not that sort of teenager.” On it’s face it reads like she was a goody-two-shoes human teenager, but consider for a moment that whoever is speaking right now was never human; the statement isn’t a lie, but its very misleading. Who else do we know that does that?

Fourth: During the lock-in, Maggie tells the story of how her great grandmother’s store was in a corner of Mr. Fell’s bookshop, so he lets them stay on for old time’s sake. One possible interpretation of this phrasing is that Hitchhiker!Maggie knows that Aziraphale has owned that shop continuously for at least 100 years. Nina is the one that suggests that it was actually Aziraphale’s grandfather, and Maggie nods along.

Fifth: Maggie says it’s a “coincidence” that the power goes in and out when Crowley passes by; could read as a deliberate redirect from someone who actually knows that Crowley is a demon? But more on that later.

Sixth: I’m skipping a lot of intervening content BUT at the ball, during the dance, she says “this is just what we do, isn’t it?” to which Nina emphatically replies that no, it isn’t. So even though Nina has been effected by an emotion-suppressing aura, she hasn’t lost her memory of how society generally works in 2023, but somehow Maggie isn’t up to date. This is parallel to Point #2, not knowing how to order coffee.

Seventh: Aziraphale’s attempted miracle memory wipe doesn’t work on her. I’ve seen others suggest that it’s due to a miracle blocker but all of his other miracles work, so…

Eighth: Nina calls her “angel.” You thought it was cute. It’s not. It’s a double-bluff. She’s actually an angel.

Ninth: She tells Crowley that “we’re real people.” Okay, human police officer Inspector Constable, whatever you say.

The rest of this is wild speculation. Abandon hope all ye who read below the fold.

So of course this raises the question: why are is the hitchhiker here, and what was Human!Maggie’s motivation to give them permission to hitchhike?

I’ll start with Human!Maggie’s motivation. I believe that she is not just pretendy-good but a properly good person who feels a lot of anguish about her failing business, one that’s been in the family for 100 years, and guilt for not paying her rent. I think she prayed for help, and a “guardian angel” answered her prayers, and she gave that angel permission to possess her and fix the problem.

As for why the angel answered her prayers, I propose that the Metatron sent them to fuck around with Aziraphale. My evidence is that Maggie frequently meddles to Aziraphale’s detriment. In chronological order:

She puts him in a moral choice position: if he evicts her, he’s the bad guy. If he forgives her rent, he’s done something good. Both of these can be leveraged by the Metatron. Notably, after he forgives the rent, Maggie calls him an angel, perhaps to remind him whose side he’s really on *wink wink nudge nudge.*

She confides in her landlord about her crush on the business owner across the street, who’s already in a relationship?! How ridiculously inappropriate?? Maggie??!! But she does, and plants the idea in his head about love, which ultimately becomes the runaway train that makes him extremely vulnerable later.

She refuses to leave the shop during the attack (S2E5), I propose is for purposes of fucking over Aziraphale, as evidenced by…

For this part, I need you to go back and watch it. S2E6 at 3:28. During the pissing contest at the threshold, Maggie turns her head away, there is a sound effect, and that’s when she turns back to Shax and invites the demons in. Hitchhiker!Maggie has taken over and rolled out the carpet for the enemy invasion.

Maggie is the instigator of the “you have to talk about your feelings” conversation, dragging Nina from behind the counter across the street while she has a shop full of customers. Considering that the Metatron is at that very moment at the French restaurant next door, making a job offer to Aziraphale, the timing choice seems very suspect. Almost as if they coordinated to talk to each husband while they were separated.

So, it is possible that Hitchhiker!Maggie was sent by the Metatron as a spy and a saboteur to meddle with Aziraphale. To what end, specifically? Probably to get him to break up with Crowley and/or get him to return to Heaven, but ultimately, I just don’t know. I will admit that I don’t have a very strong conviction that this will become canon, but it was fun to write and I hope that it was fun to read! Leave a note if you enjoyed it!

edit: a link to another meta about why this was such an effective strategy against the husbands

[rookofthekingom]

@wolfstarmicrofic March 30 – prompt 30: Calming Draught – word count 960

TW // perceived homophobia

Remus Lupin is furious. He came out to his friends a week ago—something that made him so horrendously nervous that he literally had to take a calming draught beforehand. And now the person he was most scared to tell is reacting like this?

“Moony, wait!” Sirius yells from behind, his desperation audible. Remus doesn’t slow. “Just—wait a minute, please.” His voice breaks on the last syllable.

Remus scoffs. Without turning around he replies scathingly, “I actually kind of don’t want to fucking talk to you right now.”

Which is completely fair, Remus thinks. Because having your best friend completely freak out when you tell them you’re gay is not a great feeling. Especially when you have a hopeless, horrible crush on said best friend, which made you all the more nervous to tell him. Especially when you felt an excruciating mix of anxiety, hope, and crippling fear, and spent a fair amount of time coming up with all the possible scenarios that could result from the whole thing. But he hadn’t been prepared for this outcome. The one where Sirius didn’t overreact—no, that might have even been preferable—but the one where he turned cold and cagey, completely avoiding him for a week. Until today, when he couldn’t escape being in Remus’ presence.

Today, when Marlene gathered them all around to announce that she’s a lesbian. And Remus is so, so happy for her. Of course he is. So incredibly happy, in fact, his cheeks ached from smiling when she told them. A smile that rapidly slipped off his face when Sirius, the man who had handled the news of his best friend being gay extraordinarily horribly, accepted and even celebrated Marlene’s announcement. Which of course he should have! It just—hurts, that he for some reason couldn’t handle Remus’ own announcement with even a fraction of that enthusiasm. Hurts, to have his best friend and crush, for fuck’s sake, react so overwhelmingly positive to someone else’s coming out and so negatively to his own.

So no, he’s not feeling particularly warm towards Sirius, and really fucking wants to be alone. Something that Sirius really does not seem to understand.

“Just—stop!” Sirius, having finally caught up to him, desperately grabs him by the arm and forcibly turns him around.

Remus violently jerks an arm to throw him off. “Sirius, what the actual fuck?!”

The other boy immediately lets go. The determined light in his eyes, however, doesn’t fade. “Please, give me a chance, okay? Just to talk to you?”

“I already did talk to you, and you quite frankly didn’t handle it very well. So excuse me if I don’t necessarily feel like giving you the time of day right now,” Remus snaps.

“No, I know, I just—“ He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. Remus really hates himself for noticing how cute he looks as he does it. Hates himself for how his stomach swoops when Sirius grabs him by the arm again. Hates himself for how he follows Sirius’ insistent tugging as the other boy pulls him into the nearest empty classroom and closes the door.

“I know, okay! I fucking know. Just-” He sighs. Opens his mouth, then closes it. Clears his throat and tries again. “I’m sorry, Moony. I really am. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s like I know up here,” he says, tapping his head “that’s it’s completely fine to be gay and that’s it completely fine for you to be gay, and that logically I’m completely fine with it because there’s nothing wrong with it! But then it’s like—like I try to picture you with some random guy that doesn’t even know you, and I feel sick, Remus, physically sick to my stomach.” Sirius earnestly meets Remus’ eyes, as if he’s silently begging him to understand.

But in front of him, Remus is quiet.

Sirius groans and grabs his shoulders with a frightening urgency that actually makes Remus jump. “Moony, don’t let it be some bloke. He—he has to know you, yeah?”

“Er-”

Sirius shakes his head and grits his teeth. “No, you’re not getting it—he has to know you. He has to know that you like chocolate, and he has to get you chocolate every week to restore your stash. But he can’t ever get anything darker than 70%, because he has to know what kinds of chocolate you like. And-“

“Sirius?”

“-and he has to know that you’re a fucking genius, that you come up with all of our best pranks, and he has to know that you like to curse, and he has to like it when you curse, okay? But he has to pretend that he doesn’t.”

“Sirius.”

“And—and he has to get you extra food whenever you’re hungry, especially before full moons, and he has to keep getting you food even after full moons, when you say you’re not hungry, but he has to know that you have to eat anyway.” Sirius’ grip on Remus’ shoulders is painfully tight now, his gaze imploring. “He has to know that you put on your socks before your pants in the morning, and that you wet your toothbrush before putting the toothpaste on it, and that you secretly like Quidditch because sometimes he’ll catch you watching him from the stands instead of reading your book, and… and he has to know all of your favorite authors, he has to notice all of the little expressions you make when you’re reading, and he has to think of you whenever he sees a book that he thinks you might like.”

“Sirius!”

“I’m not done yet, Moony!” he snaps, rather viciously. His voice then gets quiet.

“He has to love you.” He’s whispering now. “He has to have always loved you.”

[papipopsicle]

AFTERTASTE PART SIX

Pairing: Archie Andrews X Short!Reader

Genre: fluff and some angst

Summary: In which two best friends since childhood test whether sex and friendship can co-exist without causing conflict. Including OC's Flick and Cherry, a bisexual and lesbian in a sapphic relationship who are best friends of Y/N.

Song: Wildflower by 5 Seconds of Summer

Warnings: a high probability for swearing

Words: 1.7K

MASTERLIST

feedback is always appreciated

     "LEONARDO, MICHELANGELO!" An eleven year old Y/N Robins called from her porch door, impatiently tapping a food bowl against the wooden frame she leant against. Behind her, the sun was setting and painted the sky a gorgeous array of pinks and oranges, sweeping together like watercolours. She looked out on the street impatiently, finding its sleeping state both calming and unnerving. Elm Street was never noisy, but after three years of living there, the girl had realised it wasn't a place of silence either.

And she was completely right. A distant, yet soft, meow grew ever closer, finally appearing around the side of a bush. Y/N grinned, affectionately calling out for the birman to go find his dinner, "C'mere Angelo, that's it boy!"

He trotted past her up into the house where his found his dinner waiting.

"Leo!" Her small voice called out as loud as it could into the cool evening air. He had wandered off earlier that same day to enjoy the Riverdale summer heat elsewhere, and the Robins family didn't think anything of it. Just as her mouth opened to call out the name again, Vegas came barrelling out from the door of the Andrews household, across the street to her side with Mary and Archie following.

The Andrews matriarch noticed the empty food bowl, "Is everything alright, Y/N/N?" She asked in her usual professional voice, but the girl knew from experience how much love and warmth it really held. Elodie told her about Leonardo's disappearance and how it wasn't uncommon in this kind of weather, but he could be getting a bit hungry.

Mary handed the dog leash to her son and sent him a secret wink, "Why don't you two walk Vegas together and see if you can find him?"

Excitement had been bubbling through the small town of Riverdale for weeks now anticipating the big Fourth of July celebrations ahead of them. Y/N Robins had planned on keeping up with her old tradition of sleeping in until late afternoon, then rolling out of bed in time to catch the fireworks with her friends. But with with the drunkenly asking Archie to be her boyfriend, which was not something she remembered a few hours later, her plans for this year were flipped on their head. So she found herself getting dressed to go talk things out with her supposedly best friend in a quiet spot next to sweet water river.

With her hair half tied up, and a black denim jacket over her shoulders, Y/N left through the door in her bedroom, and waited on the edge of the pavement until she heard a door across the street open and quietly shut. Any butterflies fluttering in her stomach all but disappeared as Archie turned around and smiled into the early morning sun towards her. It had been three days since they had last seen each other, since the girl confessed she didn't really know what she wanted in the space between them.

He jogged over road, asphalt kicking up under his new Nike trainers, and immediately engulfed Y/N's small frame into his own. The two teenagers walked all the way to the edge of Sweetwater River in the silvery silence of early birds and rustling leaves, their hands every now and again grazing each other and lacing together.

"So," The Andrews boy sighed as he lay against the warm grass, watching as she sat next to him and propped her head up on his chest, "what's going on in that head of yours?"

"Leo!" Y/N's melodic voice rang out across the long stretch of stream. Crystal clear water you could see the smoothness of the rocks which lay underneath if you peaked your head over the bank enough. For some unknown reason, the young cat would always find his way towards some kind of water, even back in Phoenix.

"Hello?" Archie bopped the girl on the tip of her nose as she returned back to reality, evidently not hearing what he'd just asked by the puzzled look her face adorned.

She hummed and gave him her full attention, allowing him to rephrase his previous words. In the back of her mind, Y/N knew exactly what she wanted- to leave high school and go on endless adventures with the boy her head lay upon. She wanted an easy life, away from the eerie little town she called home- to decorate her own house with pictures of smiles and candid memories. But most of all, in that perfect moment, she wanted herself to let go and fall in love with her childhood best friend.

After finding Prince Charming and finding out he was really the one from Shrek and not Cinderella, her faith in true love was shaken at the age of sixteen.

"I'm scared of you hurting me, or doing anything that could possibly hurt you, Arch." Y/N's voice faltered at her blunt honesty, "I meant everything I said, but I don't think I'm over what happened with Chuck last year."

"Tiger," Archie interrupted her thoughts, sitting up slightly leaning back on one hand and using the other to cup her face, "I can't promise we won't ever hurt each other even just a little bit, but whatever happens, we'll learn and grown from it together. I don't think I'll ever fully understand how much that bastard hurt you. But, nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy, life is scary and I'll go through all of the shitty parts twenty three hours a day, if it means I get just one with you smiling up at me."

Half an hour of roaming up and down the river bank had passed before a twisting, nauseous feeling took over the pit of Y/N's stomach. She and her family adored their two fluffy boys, her dad would never admit it but they all heard the little 'goodnights' he'd whisper as he made his way up to bed finally. Though with her parents still working, and Y/S/N desperately needing to finish an assignment due tomorrow, the youngest Robins was the only one able to attend this search and rescue mission.

"What if he's -"

Vegas rubbed his nose against her shin in comfort.

"Y/N/N," A twelve year old Archie cut her off in his usual caring voice, "don't even let your mind go there. He's a little ninja cat he's probably off catching frogs or something."

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it in comfort and heading towards an unexplored area of the forest line. Truth be told, he was meant to be doing English homework with Betty Cooper right about now, but that had slipped his mind as soon as Y/N Robins adorably wonky smile found him across the road.

"Leo!" Y/N's sweet voice called out.

"Leonardo?" Archie followed with Vegas by his side.

"That's the sweetest thing I think I've ever heard." The girl admitted shyly, hiding her rose dusted cheeks by bringing Archie into a tight hug, her head resting in the crook of his neck while her long y/h/c hair tickled his face. It smelt of strawberries and mint in the morning breeze.

"Y/N/N, can I ask you something?" His voice sounded nervous, but as she looked up and nodded, his face held a smirk, "Will you stay my girlfriend?"

She answered with a small kiss, staring into his eyes innocently as her fingers traced his back under his thin t-shirt, about to lift the material from his body. But life had a funny way of throwing challenges their way, making them run before they could walk.

"I think I see him!" Archie handed the leash to his best friend, seeing a patch of grey in between the auburn autumn leaves. Vegas barked and tried to follow after his human, but Y/N managed to stop the Labrador from bounding away by distracting him with ear rubs. Wild growls and hisses could be heard as Archie wrestled the feisty long haired cat into his hoodie clad arms. Then Leonardo hissed so madly, the young boy almost dropped him, "Yep, definitely Leo."

Y/N ran over as fast as she could, dropping the lead as soon as she saw his pumpkin eyes and bare teeth, clearly not a fan of Archie. She grinned widely with glee and got to her tippy toes to kiss Archie's cheek. "You're a life saver!"

As soon as the fluffy animal felt Y/N's little hands rubbing his chin as she took him from the boy's arms, he switched into a completely different cat and started purring.

A gunshot sounded through the open clearing, and before a high pitched scream could escape from Y/N's mouth, Archie saw the terror in her eyes and pulled the petite girl behind him. He scaled the area, unable to see anything but birds fleeing from the unusual noise.

"We need to get out of here." The boy's gravely voice whispered with urgency, picking her up without hesitation and running until his lungs burnt and his trainers once again hit the comfort of tarmac.

"What the fuck was that?" Y/N screeched, her inquisitiveness telling to turn back, but thankfully common sense won that battle. She and Archie found themselves back on the pavement of Elm Street before they knew it.

"Y/N, we didn't see anything, it could've been a car backfiring a street away for all we know." Archie tried to rationalise, but in all honesty he was stuck to his core with dread.

"Right, or someone was just murdered and we could've been next on some psychopaths hit list." Y/N's dark mind shone through as she blurted out her inner monologue. The boy didn't have any words of wisdom, instead he lead her to his front door and brought her into his body. They stayed in their own little world for what could have been hours, thankful they had each other and not allowing themselves to think about what secrets Riverdale was really hiding under it's pretty exterior.

Nothing ever happened in the town with 'pep'.

Betty Cooper awoke early that Saturday morning, ready to get any assignments out of the way to enjoy the weekend ahead. She opened her curtains and tied her hair up into a ponytail, but as she looked out of her window at the beautiful blue skies, she watched in shock at the surprising scene unfolding in front of her. Y/N Robins up on her tippy toes, with Archie Andrews' hands wrapped around her waist as they kissed intensely in what the two thought was privacy.

PART SEVEN

wanna be tagged? just send in an ask x

[mar04isdead]

Freaks But Family

Chapter 1   Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Screwing things up a lesson by Favion Freeman

If the title does not tell you what is about to happen, then I can't help you. The reason you are back here my friend, is because you want to find out how Favion messed everything up with Maria. If you want to find out how she punches him to the brink of unconsciousness, you will want to stick around.

"Babe, murder was not on todays agenda. That's on Tuesday, wait until tomorrow." Rose gently lowers Maria's arm which was controlling some plants that are choking Liberator.

Maria whines, "Honey please, better him than anyone else." she tries to lift her arm up again.

Rose shakes her head, "Let him go, we have to go anyways." 

"Fine,"  Maria releases the plants.

Oddly enough, it's the middle of the day after school. Maria and Rose had to do a quick heist, but someone had to try and bust them.

"Dude, you are real bad at your job, whatever it is your job is." Rose leans on Maria who opens a portal.

Maria pushes Rose into the portal before jumping in herself. They end up back in the sewers and start laughing. 

"That was funny, how did he know that we would be there after school?" Rose asks Maria.

Maria shakes her head and takes off her goggles, "I have no idea. But I find it weird how he didn't put up a fight."

"Babe, what's that on your neck." Rose taps the back of Maria's neck, on it is a little black dot that was never there.

"What is it? Rose what is it?" Maria questions with urgency.

Maria can feel Rose messing with the dot, but nothing happens. Rose tries to pull the dot off, but it doesn't come off. 

"Hey, mind giving us some electricity. Maybe you can burn it off." Rose takes a few steps back and hides behind one of the curtains.

"Sure, just give me a sec." Maria shakes her head a few times before taking a deep breath and focusing on what she wants to happen.

Rose pokes out from the curtain, "Maria, are you even trying?"

Maria nods violently, "Yeah, I'm trying. You know how I can just visualize what I want from my abilities and it happens?" Rose nods. "Well I can't do that anymore. The vision is blurry, not even there. And you know how this stuff works."

"Can't see it, can't do it." Rose comes out from the curtain and opens her arms for Maria. "C'mere." Maria runs into her arms. "It's okay, we'll just ask Esme about this. Maybe she can do something."

Favion returns to his headquarters to report to Dr. Gomez.

"It's on Madness, couldn't get Thorn, but then again Thorn isn't a threat." Favion removes his mask to let himself breath. 

Dr. Gomez, a petite Mexican woman with long dark hair, piercing grey eyes, dark golden skin, and her usual attire of a lab coat, black scrubs, and white tennis shoes. She has a weird tattoo on the back of her neck, but Favion has only ever seen it once. 

"Good, I would have preferred if you could get both but that's fine." Dr. Gomez writes something on her clipboard. "You're off for the rest of the day, you have to meet with that tutor of your, right?"

"Umm... yeah, but I can stay and skip if you need me to do patrol." Favion gestures to his mask.

"No, I am in charge of a serious operation. I can not risk having a sophomore, who is failing a math class, be our hero." Dr. Gomez slams her clipboard down on a nearby table. "Get that grade up before I get a replacement. That friend Maria of yours, she did gymnastics for years and she's the top of your class, I wouldn't mind having her on the team." She gives Favion a wicked grin. "Am I understood?" She asks through her pearly teeth.

"Yes, ma'am." Favion nods and leaves the room with a harsh smile. 

Favion goes to get changed and calls Maria.

"How do you have my number?" Maria growls through the phone.

Favion sighs, "Can we meet up in about ten minutes at the park? I'm having trouble with the homework and I need help." 

Yelling comes from Maria's side, "Okay, but I can't stay long. I have somewhere else to be after."

"That's fine, where do you have to go if you don't mind me asking?" Favion finishes changing.

Maria chuckles, "A date, with my girlfriend. I am currently getting my things so if you aren't at the park in the next nine minutes I will kill you." And Maria hangs up.

Maria is just sitting on a picnic table on her phone while Favion tries to do some work by himself. 

"What was the formula again?" Favion asks, staring blankly at his paper. 

Maria sighs, "Negative b plus or minus the square root of b square minus four a c over two a. A lot to memorize I know but it's on the final."

Favion sighs and finishes solving his problem, "That's all of them. Can you check on them?" He offers the paper to Maria.

Maria nods and takes the paper from him, and takes out her sheet with the correct answers. She checks the paper over with a red pen, she checks it for a good three minutes, the pen only touching the paper once. She gives him the final grade before handing the paper back to Favion.

"That's it, you just missed one. Can't blame you, factoring is a pain." Maria puts her things away. "I have to go now, I don't want to be late."

"Hey can I at least tell you something real quick?" He asks, wringing his hands.

Maria looks at her phone, "You have one minute."

"Okay," Favion starts to quicken his speech. "We were ten when you left me, but back then I had very strong feelings, and I still do. I never had the chance to tell you, and when I saw you with Rose I still thought I wouldn't be able to tell you, much less stand a chance. But I want to tell you now, or I might never get the chance again." Favion buries his face in his hands and mumbles loud enough for Maria to hear, "I love you, I always have and I always will."

Maria stares at him wide eyed. Her mouth agape and her face pale, "Dude, I don't know... what to say!" Maria exhales and lets out a shaky giggle. 

"Well, then don't say anything." Favion puts his hands on her shoulders. "I know you still feel something. I've known you for ten years, that's more than your own family." 

"Immanuel, Kayla, and Alyssa have known me for ten years too! That doesn't really make you special." Maria gets herself away from Favion.

Favion smiles, "Well it's more than that girlfriend of yours."

That's when Maria loses it, Favion doesn't see her fist coming towards his face. When Maria has punched him, he stumbles back into the table. He can see black spots in his vision and everything is blurry.

"I'm a lesbian, back in the day, I only ever liked girls. Now I'm with Rose, and I'm happy with her." Maria growls, "I have to go, don't you ever try to bring this up again." She glares at him before walking away. 

Rose holds onto Maria's waist to keep Maria from falling over. Maria has her hands over her eyes and her goggles are on the top of her head while both of them are walking on the edge of a building. Both are in their disguises and it's early in the evening when they never strike, so people won't suspect them.

"I am getting the feeling you don't trust me here." Rose kisses Maria's cheek.

Maria chuckles, "I kind of don't trust you, but at the same time I do." 

They keep walking for a while, they jump a few times to go from building to building. When they arrive at the spot Rose wants, Rose fully wraps her arms around Maria.

"Open your eyes, and please don't kill me." Rose takes Maria's hands away from her eyes and puts her goggles on over her eyes. "What do you think?"

It's the sycamore tree, the one from when Maria was a kid. At this time in the evening, one would barely be able to make out the outline, but now hanging from its branches are fairy lights that sway in the breeze. A blanket is on the grass at the bottom of the tree, in the center is a basket, pillows, and some candles.

"Awwww, babe! I love it!" Maria turns around and plants kisses all over Rose's face. "How long have you been planning this?" Maria gives a kiss on Rose's lips.

Rose smiles into the kiss, "You like it?"

Maria nods and puts her forehead against Rose's, "I love it, I love you. Thank you."

"I know today isn't our anniversary, but it's the day we first met. Six years ago today you became my first friend." Rose hides her face in the crook of Maria's neck. "You're so tiny."

Maria shakes her head with a smile, "I'm only shorter by five inches."

Rose chuckles, "Sure you are, want to head down?"

Maria nods, she has the shadows swallow them. It's dark for a second and then they both appear at the tree. Maria sits them both down.

"I know you have to drink blood today, so I packed you some cat blood. The twins did this voluntarily.  So drink up and then you can have some tamales." Rose gives Maria a bottle of blood.

Maria smiles and looks at Rose, "Did you make them yourself or did you ask one of my cousins for help?"

"I made them, Sam has a video!" Rose hands Maria a tamale. "On the agenda tonight, Esme said you needed to work a bit more on your shadow abilities and what a better way than to do a puppet show?" 

Maria starts to laugh, "I'm dating a child!" she tries to hide her laugh.

Rose gets lost in Maria's smile, "Yeah, but this child loves you."

"I've been here all night, I have finals in the morning. Where are they?" Favion shouts at no one in particular while sitting on the edge of a building.

For two days, Madness and Thorn have not shown up. Usually their heists are on Wednesday's and Thursday's. But they haven't shown up or done anything, there have been reports across town. But Favion has never been able to make it in time no matter what he tries, he has had to put another chip on Madness and Thorn this time. 

"Favion, it's getting late. I'm calling it, they aren't going to show up." Dr. Gomez talks to Favion through his ear piece. "You got school in the morning kid, don't want to fail those finals now do you?"

"No, I don't. Night, ma'am." Favion takes out his ear piece and chucks it as far as he can. 

He stands up and jumps from building to building. He kicks anything he can see on the roofs and throws any rocks he can see. He's about to head back home when he hears laughter from below, he looks over the edge of the roof he is currently on. It's his old friends, and Rose.

Rose is holding Maria close by the waist, Maria has her head resting on Rose's shoulder. Immanuel has an arm around Alyssa and is holding hands with Kayla. All of them are laughing, they don't seem to care about what is happening around them.

He badly wants to go down there and talk to them, but not as Liberator or the current Favion, as the old Favion. The one who would race his friends across the woods to make it to the cliff, the one who supported Maria in what ever stupid decision she made, the one who would braid Alyssa's hair when she was sad, the one who would play fight with Immanuel, the one who helped Kayla bake, he wanted to be that old Favion.  

"I'm never getting that chance, why hope?" He wonders to himself.

He sighs and stands up, turning in for the night.

The whole school is in panic in the morning, people drinking coffee like it's their life source, reading over notes, looking at flash cards, memorizing formulas, and trying to sleep. It's finals, and the whole school is taking them. But there is one group of people who is not worrying.

"Think we pulled it off?" Immanuel hands all the girls a bag of Skittles. 

Maria tears her pack open and eats half of it. She nods and Rose pats her head, "Yeah, we got rid of all of it."

Kayla puts a hand up, "Bell just rung, wait for it."

"Students, due to unfortunate events, the finals are cancelled. We will be returning to our regular class schedule." 

The whole school erupts into cheers. Some people even throw their study materials away.

"We did good!" Alyssa cheers. 

The group of friends all hug and laugh. When the bell rings again, like the rest of the school they head to their classes. And not much happens in their classes, because of finals having a last minute change teachers don't have anything planned. 

People keep making theories as to why finals have been cancelled, but no one is complaining. Having finals in October is way too early for them.

"Like who the hell has finals during October, they should be in December. We have things to do later on." Immanuel takes a Skittle from both his girlfriends and pops them in his mouth.

Maria nods, "The parade is in a week, good thing it's before Halloween. We might just have to bring you three for patrol." 

"Nope, we will totally need you guys. We are going to be at the parade with our flag, we're gonna need y'all with yours." Rose ruffles Maria's hair.

"What's the plan for Halloween?" Kayla asks.

Maria shakes her head, "Me and my cousins are doing our trip to tierra de los muertos. So if you could take Rose away that would be great for us."

Rose shrugs, "Don't you have that cousin who's birthday is Halloween?"

"Yeah, so I need all of you to go to Snellville and drop something off for her." Maria pushes Rose off of her. 

Rose frowns, "Is this the same cousin who last saw you years ago?"

Maria nods, "That same one, Melissa. It might be hard to get to her but trust me, she's okay."

The bell rings and the friends collect their things and head for their last class. 

"Any signs of Liberator?" Rose scans the skyline of the city.

The group of friends are in Atlanta, participating in the annual coming out parade. For years it would just be Maria and Rose, before they were dating they would raise a rainbow flag and support the people below them. Now, they raise their flag and share a kiss. Usually police are supposed to protect the people at the parade, but people from the churches have begun to get more violent. It just gave Maria and Rose more reason to help people.

Kayla shakes her head, "Nope, how do you two handle being up this high?"

"Practice." Maria leans on Rose, looking down at the balloons, floats, and colors. 

"Hey, the crowd's coming this way!" Immanuel shouts.

Kayla goes with her partners and they get the flag that they brought. Rose and Maria climb onto the flag pole near them and start to put the flag up. Just as the parade is passing by, the people see on the flag pole a rainbow flag and Kayla, Alyssa, and Immanuel with their polyamory flag. 

The crowd starts to cheer, the cheering gets louder as Rose and Maria kiss and Immanuel and Kayla kiss Alyssa's cheeks. When the couples separate, they notice something in the distance. 

Maria starts to laugh, "Guess who decided to join us!" she points to where Liberator is running towards them. 

"There is a crowd of people below us, we can blend in easily. Mind giving us a few minutes to change babe?" Rose asks Maria. 

Maria nods and closes her eyes. The world around her stops as she opens her eyes, she smiles and lightly tugs on Rose's arm. Rose stumbles forward and Maria tugs on the rest of her friends. 

"Three minutes, I didn't get much sleep." Maria points to the watch on her right wrist. 

Everyone quickly changes back into their normal clothes and then jump through one of Maria's portals. They run through the crowd, helping Maria to not touch people. Once their time is up, Maria does a two fingered hand signal.

Times starts up again and they are lost in the crowd. They can see Liberator on the building they were on. They all smile and keep walking with the crowd, but they keep their eyes on Favion. Eventually when he comes down to join the parade, but instead of celebrating with others, he grabs some police and they start to ask people questions.

Maria slides her hand into Rose's, "He does know we know his identity, right?" 

Rose looks to where Maria is looking, she starts laughing out of nowhere. "He just changed form 'hero'," she uses finger quotes. "To regular teenager right in public, he does know that was a bad decision?" Rose walks around Maria, hugging her from behind and rest her chin on Maria's head.

Maria notices, "Aww, is someone jealous?" She turns herself around so that she's looking up at her girlfriend.

"You can't prove that?" Rose plants a kiss on Maria's forehead. "You can prove how much I love you." She glares behind Maria, "And the asshole is heading this way." 

"Why don't you like him?" Maria lightly punches Rose's shoulder.

Rose frowns, "Oh, I don't know, probably because he had a crush on you when you were younger and he still has a crush on you." 

Maria smiles, "Don't worry, to quote a favorite character of yours, 'I love you means you're never ever ever getting rid of me.'" 

From behind them someone clears their throat, the two of them turn around and see Favion.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting something, but I'm on guard here with my uncle and his unit. Saw you guys and wanted to say hi." Favion smiles as he walks over to them. "Where are the others?"

Rose points off to the side, "They ran off over there when they saw some people giving away candy." It's not a lie, those three really left when someone was handing out candy.

"Well," Favion fidgets with his hands. "What are all of you doing here?"

"We're here for the parade. But then we saw that Liberator guy, and we might just leave because of him." Maria leans on Rose.

Favion frowns, "Why, he's just here to protect people." 

Maria shakes her head, "He's on their side." She points to the protesters. "We can't trust someone like that." She then points to the flagpole, "Those five however, we can trust." She takes Rose by the hand and drags her into the crowd, away from Favion.

Maria is training with her staff again, trying to get a control on her new abilities. The only knowledge Maria has on her abilities, is her great-grandmother's notebook. Her great-grandmother was the only person in their recorded history, before her death she wasn't able to record her shadow and death abilities.

She also made formulas, formulas that are able to contain Maria's abilities to help her control them and keep them safe. But her great-grandmother, Lucia, was able to begin the final formula. Ever since Esme, Immanuel, Alyssa, and Kayla have been working together to finish it.

"Fuck!" Maria shouts when her powers have her in a wall. She over calculated how much power she would need to break a few plates with some shadows.

"Babe, you okay?" Rose tries to reach Maria to help her from behind one of Maria's barriers.

Maria shakes her head and waves her off, "I'm fine, Rose. It's just a dent, I'll just shift to use my other limbs."

"Not the smartest plan," Esme says from beside Rose. "We don't know how shifting might affect these abilities."

Maria cracks her neck, "That's why we are doing these experiments, right?" she balls her hands into fist and arches her back as her limbs start to grow in. "Fuck, ow that hurt, more than usual." Mara winces and rubs her right shoulder.

Esme frowns, "Try not to strain yourself. I know you want answers, we all do, but please be careful."

Maria waves her off too and starts to focus on the shadows around her. She pulls them towards her and they start to swirl around her, they start to form into spheres at her hands and her extra limbs. She forces herself to bring all the shadows together to focus on one spot. 

"Hey, Maria, you might want to stop. Something's happening." Esme taps on the barrier, but Maria doesn't listen.

Maria shakes her head and keeps focusing on the shadows, the strength of the shadows starts to push her back and she tries to dig her heels into the ground to push forward.

"Maria, we mean it. Stop, you're starting to hurt yourself!" Rose shouts through the barrier. Rose goes to hit on the barrier, but her hand goes through, the barrier is gone.

"She too focused on the shadows," Esme mutters with worry. 

They both notice how Maria's arms are starting to get covered in black veins, they crawl up her arms and to her chest. 

Esme gasps and rushes to a cabinet and grabs the black dot that they took off Maria a while back. Esme puts her hand in a puppeteer motion and makes the dot float, and she shoots it aiming at Maria's neck. Once it lands on her neck, the shadows start to back away and go back to their corners. Maria instantly grabs at her head, trying to stop her raging migraine.

Rose walks up to Maria and kneels down beside her, "Hey, are you okay? I know that took a lot out of you." Rose keeps trying to get Maria to respond but she hears Maria start to make small snores. "Aww, she's sleeping." Rose smiles up at Esme.

Esme shakes her head, "It ain't cute, she drained herself. That was not safe of her to do, I had to use that chip thing." 

Rose picks Maria up bridal style and starts to rock her, "She's like a baby!" Rose gasps with excitement.

"Get her to her bunk, she's had a long week. I'll start to clean things up and then I have to work on everyone else's abilities." Esme takes a taser from her back pocket and shoots it at the dot at Maria's neck. The shock jolts Maria awake.

"Holly fuck!" Maria shakes her head.

"Hey, it's okay I'm here." Rose soothes Maria, putting her back to sleep. "I'll just go upstairs and put her to bed." Rose turns around and heads up the stairs with Maria in her arms.

"I'm sorry about him, no one else is home." Maria adjusts the toddler on her hips while talking to Favion.

Maria has to tutor Favion again, but she also has to take care of Mike. She's been the only one that's been able to keep his ability under control. 

Favion shakes his head, "It's no problem, Alijah needs a play friend. Mom and dad are downstairs so I'm taking care of her."

Maria smiles and sets her cousin down, "Esta bien, vas a jugar con una niña. Pero con cuidado, eh." 

"Just let me get her." Favion rushes down the hall to his sister's room. He comes back a moment later with a one year old Alijah on his hip. "Here she is, how is he when it comes to pulling hair?" he gestures to all the braids in his sister's hair.

"He should be fine, he does pull hair but in the end it depends. It has to be colorful hair," Maria points to her own hair. "I learned that the hard way." 

"Okay, well they can play in the living room while we do work. Most of Alijah's toys are there anyways." Favion walks over and sets his sister down and watches as she goes to her toy bin in the corner. 

Maria pushes Mike forward a bit, "He's a bit shy, doesn't like strangers but it's okay he'll warm up to her."

Mike stares at Alijah for a minute before grabbing a toy and handing it to her.

"Remember when we used to be like that?" Favion crosses his arms and smiles.

Maria frowns, "You mean before you became an asshole?"

Favion looks at the kids playing before pulling Maria into the hallway, "Okay, look, I don't know what the others told you but it is not true. I mean yeah I stopped talking to them because I was sad, I was sad that you left! So if anything that was all your fault." He points an accusing finger at her.

Maria growls and puts her arm to Favions throat, pinning him against the wall. "They sent me away, we found Mike on our doorstep, they were all abandoned, why we don't know. I didn't want to leave, they gave me no choice." She puts more pressure on his neck, making his face go red. "You choose to stop talking to them, you choose to play with people's feelings, and you choose to ruin people’s lives."  Maria let's him go.

Favion's hand goes to his neck, he rubs it when he feels how sore it is. Maria glares at him before going back to the kids with a smile.

"Let's get your work done, me and this little man have other places to be." Maria sits on the couch and pulls her binder out of her bag.

"I swear to the gods, if he stops us one more time I am cutting his face off!" Maria screams as soon as she enters the sewers. 

Kayla wheels over to Maria in her chair, "Did he try to stop you while saving another kid?"

"Yeah, babe I'm gonna help you cut his face off." Rose sits down on a nearby chair, Maria sitting in her lap. "How, how can he not see that those kids are being abused? Two more patrols and we are done, why does he feel the need to make our job so hard?"

"It's the FBI like they do proper background checks on families." Immanuel tosses Rose and Maria water bottles. 

Maria downs all of her water in a second, "Do you guys think you can go with us next time? We just need a diversion, I'll make as many portals as needed, just please we need the help."

Rose looks at Maria in shock, "Yeah, if she's begging for help, you know she means it." 

"I'll punch him in the nose for you!" Alyssa shouts from behind a curtain.

Maria smiles, "I like it, anyone else want to inflict pain on our old friend?"

 Immanuel raises his hand, "I'll cut his tongue off!"

"Kayla, can you top that?" Rose points at Kayla with excitement.

Kayla smirks, "I'll stab him in the crotch."

"Ding ding ding, we have a winner!" Maria cheers.

The group laughs and smiles, not the first time they place bets on what happens to Favion. 

"Does he even know it's us yet, does he know we know?" Alyssa asks, throwing the curtain to the side. 

"Goggles are dirty again, sweetie." Kayla gestures to Alyssa's face.

"Oh, thanks." Alyssa cleans her goggles.

Rose groans, "This dude is dense, the amount of hints and he still doesn't know. How did you all put up with him?"

"We don't know." the others reply with disappointment.

"Hey, Maria, have y'all decided on an animal for Mike yet?" Alyssa wonders putting her tools away.

Maria nods, "Yeah we have an idea, but we have until late May. But the animal we have in mind, it's gonna be kind of hard to find."

Rose raises an eyebrow, "This is the first I'm hearing about it, which one were y'all thinking?"

"Not your concern, like I said, the animal we have in mind is hard to find." Maria crosses her legs with a smug smile.

Favion sits on a table while looking at a video that Dr. Gomez is making him watch. She put a camera in his mask without telling him and she's been making him watch all his encounters with Madness and Thorn. He's been pausing it at times when he thinks he has solved their identities. 

"That ring..." Favion pauses the video again and zooms onto the ring in Madness' hand. "She uses that for portals. I take that away, she can't make any more portals, but what kind of tech is that?" He wonders to himself.

He keeps the video playing, then Madness makes the ring into a staff. He notices how she pushes a button to make it into a staff, and the blades at the end are also hollow. There is some sort of blue smoke in the blades, and when she uses the blades on him, he's electrocuted.

"I see you're doing your research, against your will I'll add." Favion's uncle mumbles from behind him. 

Favion smiles at his uncle, "Believe it or not this stuff is actually helpful. Now I know where all those abilities of hers come from, that staff." He shows his uncle what he saw. "If I get that away from her, EMP preferably, she's vulnerable and I'll be able to deal with her."

"What about her telekinesis and that shape shifting thing she can do?" Damion looks closer at the video.

Favion smiles, "I can handle those by myself. I just need that EMP, I can take things from there."

Damion nods, "Alright, I'll talk to Gomez about it. I heard your school postponed finals, you better be bringing that grade up in the meantime."

"The thing is, no one knows why they were postponed. They didn't really tell us anything other than the test went missing and the system went down." Favion turns off the video, "Finals are during December now."

Damion smiles, "And how are things going with Maria, have you wooed her yet?"

"No, she's... dating someone already." Favion doesn't really know who to tell his uncle that one of his old girl best friends from childhood, is a lesbian, and has a girlfriend, knowing his uncle that wouldn't be good.

Damion frowns, "Well in the end as long as you respect her wishes, that makes you the better man."

"I'll be fine, trust me, I'll be okay. I know I haven't gone out in a while but I can handle myself. I have all these abilities, I need to learn my limits eventually." Maria adjusts her goggles before opening a portal. "Just remember that Mike needs to be in bed by eight. Esme, Sam, Liam, and Clarisse are getting home from work late. Don't give the twins sugar, Nico and Angle are still fighting over the new toys, and Imelda has to take her meds before bed. And," Maria points to her girlfriend. "Don't let that one near anything."

Rose gives Maria an offended look, "Shouldn't I be left in charge?"

"No!" Both Maria and Yallesia respond. 

Rose takes a step back, "Okay, I'm just going to go lay down on my bunk. Try not to die out there, babe." She waves at Maria before walking up the stairs from the basement to get to the house. 

"Don't worry, nothing will burn down while y'all are gone." Yallesia reassures Maria.

Maria smiles and jumps through the portal, landing her on a rooftop near downtown. She scans the city when she finds a bank that is on her list. She smiles and stops time, she heads down and looks around the bank once she is inside. Armed guards in front of a large vault.

"Let's see what's inside of this thing." Maria opens a portal to her side and jumps through, she's inside the vault.

She starts to stumble a bit and her head starts to hurt, "We need to speed this up." she tells herself.

She opens a portal again, but doesn't jump through. She looks over all the money and smirks, her hands go out in a puppeteering motion, and she feels a familiar tug in her stomach. She focuses on having the stacks of money do what she wants, she has them float through the air and through the portal. When she has most of the money through, she feels a migraine coming on. She drops everything she is doing, closes the portal, does her two finger signal, and watches and hears as time starts to pick up again.

The alarms in the vault start to go off, probably because they sensed her moving. She pulls a risky move and runs into a dark corner, she appears back on the roof. She trips over herself and lands harshly. She moans in pain while she struggles to get up. She pushes her pain down as she watches the police start to arrive at the bank, she lightly chuckles as they try to find who broke in.

"There you are." someone states from behind her.

Instantly Maria turns around very quickly, her leg out, kicking the person in the gut. The person groans and Maria can see their shadow, doubled over holding their stomach. It's Liberator, and he has something in his hand. Maria takes her ring off of her back and pushes the button turning it into her staff.

Liberator straightens, "Kind of knew you were going to use that thing." He aims the object in his hand at Maria, "Which is why I came prepared." He pushes a button on the object and Maria sees something in waves coming towards her. 

Once the waves hit her, she doesn't feel anything, but she can feel something wrong with her staff. She quickly realizes what has happened and she laughs.

"An EMP, really, that's nothing." she smiles.

Liberator glares, "The only thing you have to help you is that telekinesis of yours, and we both know you wouldn't shapeshift when you're defenseless. You have no way out because without that," He points to the staff in her hand. "You can't make your portals."

Maria shakes her head, "I beg to differ." 

Liberator, while confused, doesn't see what Maria does with her hands. Her hands are cupped and start to do small circular motions, the ground around them starts to shake. The sound of pipes bursting rings though the abandoned building they are on. The windows start to break and water starts to pour out of the building, Maria starts to move her arms in circular motions gathering all the water in a bubble. Liberator looks at the bubble in shock, Maria winks, twitches her hands forward causing all the water to shoot at Liberator.

"Guess he didn't see that coming." Maria shrugs when she looks over the side of the building where Liberator fell. "Oh well, time for me to go home." She let's the shadows around engulf her, her head hurts terribly, once she opens her eyes she collapses.

When she wakes up again, it's the middle of the night. She sits up, her back aching, and she realizes she must have shifted while asleep because she can feel her extra limbs. She's just in sweatpants and some fuzzy socks. She looks around, she's on the bunk she shares with Rose, in the room they share with the other girls. The night light in the corner makes the soft green walls a yellow tint. She rubs her eyes before getting out of bed, she climbs down from the bunk. She grabs around the nightstand for her glasses before finding them and putting them on. 

She slowly walks to the kitchen, her socked feet padding against the hardwood floor, and her extra limbs tight around her as to not knock anything over. She heads to the fridge to get a bag of blood, she knows she really shouldn't be having one but her head hurts too much, plus it works better than aspirin. She takes a seat at the kitchen counter, tears the bag open, and starts to drink.

"You really shouldn't be drinking that." A pair of arms wraps around her shoulders and a chin rests on her head. "It's the middle of the night, you're gonna be hyper." Rose warns.

Maria finishes the bag, "Ugh, yeah I know. But it was Sam's blood, so it's not the tastiest but it's all I got left. Plus I had a major headache." Maria sets the bag aside and rubs her forehead.

Rose kisses her cheek, "Try putting these things away, I know it hurts but it's got to be killing your back." 

Maria nods, she takes hold of one of Rose's hands, and starts to arch her back. She tightly squeezes Rose's hand out of pain as the limbs go back under her scales and skin. She tries to hold back a scream as she starts to sweat.

She hits her fist against the counter, "That hurt more than usual, holy shit." 

Rose rubs her back, "Hey, what happened out there?" she wonders.

Maria sighs, "I guess I held time for too long. And he used a EMP, couldn't use my staff so I couldn't limit my abilities. I shadow jumped like twice and used my water abilities to throw him off the building. I'm glad there's no school tomorrow." 

"Yeah, you could use a break. Plus you promised to do my hair." Rose smiles.

Maria laughs, "Yeah, I already have an idea what to do."

Rose frowns, "I just realized that Favion literally left you defenseless and could have killed you."

"Oh yeah, next time, he's dead." Maria smiles.

Favion throws the EMP device on the ground, "What the fuck?" He shouts at Dr. Gomez. "She still had abilities, she controlled gallons of water as if it were nothing! Why didn't you tell me?" 

"You didn't ask, and I didn't know! When I studied her, she showed no other signs of other abilities!" Dr. Gomez shouts back.

Favion catches himself before saying anything, "Okay, okay, we're going to act like adults about this."

"That's going to be really hard for you." Dr. Gomez goes back to writing on her clipboard.

"Gonna pretend that wasn't said, now let's continue. So, she showed no signs of any other abilities. But now we know that she has that telekinesis, shape shifting, and control over water. It's a start, can you use that information to help me?" Favion explains it like he's talking to a child.

Dr. Gomez sighs, "Yes, I can use that for something. I also managed to find some pictures of Madness and Thorn from when they were children in the facility. They're badly damaged, but I'm sure you and your uncle can figure something out. I'll give them to you in the morning." She turns around and walks away, but before she does she calls over her shoulder. "Go home, you have the day off tomorrow."

Favion waits for Gomez to leave before flipping over a nearby table. He hits his fist against his head repeatedly while muttering random things. He looks at the computer and thinks things through, after a while he decides to throw all logic out the window and do a quick search. He types in Maria's name. Once her file pops up, he looks into family. He only finds her cousins, no mom, no dad, no uncles, no aunts, no grandparents. Just her cousins. 

"I can't even ask her about this, I can't I'll be risking a a lot. I can't risk more." Favion closes his  eyes and starts to cry.

[longinglook]

I’m going to be gone for most of the day so I thought that the best way to use up my last 10 minutes before leaving would be to write a multi paragraph post on what I think about Fighter’s behavior so here we go

(under a read more because this could get very very long)

so. fighter. our confused messy boy we are just starting to understand

i’ve read a lot of tweets/posts/comments of people that don’t understand his behavior or think that his storyline doesn’t make sense which has always left me a bit perplexed because to me everything he does seems justified and coherent to where his mind is at the moment so i’ll try to explain

but first, something about me kfmslkcls 

i identify as lesbian but i have struggled with compulsive heterosexuality all my life, i’ve spent years identifying as bi because the scary part for me was not admitting that i liked girls but admitting that i did not like boys past the occasional crushes on fictional boys and let me tell you: a lot of what fighter does/the way he thinks reminds me so much of how i was and here’s a list of things:

1) he seems a lot more at ease with same sex friends, the only times we see him with hwa you can tell that he’s forcing himself to act a certain way, he knows he’s supposed to do boyfriend things like taking her on dates and kissing but he is not comfortable with it, he tries and fails at it. of course part of the reason is because of his father but not only does he seem uniterested in her, there’s always a sense of uneasiness when he’s with her, like he’s scared of actually having to kiss her. he’s fine with the relationship as long as it’s just texting and hanging out (like a friendship would be) but he seems not to want it to become phisical. since he’s a very confused boy he’s probably blaming all of this on his father forcing him into the relationship, instead of knowing right away that he’s not interested in her

2) thinking whatever he has with tutor is just friendship and teasing: i feel like this is such a common experience for most lgbt+ folks, thinking you just have a deep friendship with someone of the same sex, only to later realize it was actually a crush and you had no idea. ex. liking the casual cuddling and touches and looking for more, paying close attention to all the displays of affection, wanting to always be close and being a little jealous of everyone else that they interact with. I feel like a lot of people go through this thinking it’s just a friendship, especially if it’s with someone of the same sex because they are not even considering the option of it being a crush. that’s why fighter keeps saying that they’re only friends and he’s behaving like a close friend would, he just doesn’t let himself consider the option because it would be way too scary and that leads us to point #3

3) being too scared to say what he wants: he does this A LOT. instead of asking for something, which would mean saying it out loud and admitting it, he just acts. words can be so scary (again making this about me, i have id’d as lesbian for over 2 years now and ive come out to a lot of friends but ive never said the word lesbian out loud because it’s just terrifying to me), and fighter seems to only use them after he has acted to justify whatever dumb shit he has done with an excuse. saying something like “i kissed you because i wanted to” would mean admitting he wants to kiss another man (meaning he’s not straight) and that man is fighter (meaning he has feelings for him). it’s much easier for him to go with the flow  and do first, explain later. and by explaining i mean lying, even to himself because deep down he knows, of couse he knows what’s going on but acknowledging it would have serious implications on his life.

also the way he reacts to tutor asking him if he likes boys is a big indicator of what's going on with him, it's his way of answering, not his way of avoiding the question. he can't say it out loud so he shows it but then he's scared of the consequences and no homos it. and the choice of replaying the question scene while they're making out shows us that fight is tormented by it, he's scared of other people asking him that as well, now that tutor has noticed it more people could as well and that's why he pulls away. 

4) on a similar note, teasing until tutor does something/not wanting to be the one to start it: this is pure fighter behavior, hoping tutor will be the one to start it so he doesn’t have to. i called this gay chicken last week, it’s fighter making everything into a challenge so he can blame it on tutor and say that he was just reacting. we can see how desperate he is for tutor’s attention, how happy he is when he has it and how frustrated he is when he doesn’t. he’s like a child who wants people to pay attention to him but doesn’t know how to ask for it, so they start annoying people. fight knows very well that he could just say hey tutor i’m here, please talk to me but how could he give a realistic reason for it other than because i have a massive crush on you meaning i’m not straight. he knows tutor doesn’t back down from a challenge and he riles him up because he has learned what that will lead them to. it’s like he knows there’s an easier way to get to that, but it’s scary so he just keeps going with his soundproof tesing tacting which so far has worked every time. also in general reacting is a lot easier than acting, again a personal example: if someone asks me if i like girls I’ll say yes right away, but if i have to start the conversation i won’t. (one thing i do a lot is to be like “hey i have something to tell you about myself but you have to guess it”)

5) backtracking/giving mixed signals: again he’s terrified, he knows what he wants but he knows what /wanting it/ implies. sometimes he follows his heart, but then his brain comes back to tell him that, hey, you’re kissing another dude and you’re enjoying it and of course he freaks out and leaves. i would be way more annoyed with him if the show had been portraying tutor as pining and in love, meaning that fighter has been giving him false-ish hopes, but after ep.6 we see that tutor himself still hasn’t admitted to himself that he likes fighter (in bold because i feel like this part is very important and often overlooked) so they are both confused about their feelings. 

i don’t think they are actually confused, they know but they are scared which in my opinion is very realistic of how someone behaves when they thought they were straight and they are not. It’s not about being dumb or being slow, it’s about realizing that once you take that step and acknowledge you’re not straight your life changes. idk how many of you are actually not straight (i assume most just because tumblr) but like…… coming out is so stressful being straight is just so much easier you dont have to do shit i wish that were me

6) his father: i feel like we only grazed the surface of fighter’s daddy issues, but he seems to be a very controlling and inflexible man, meaning that he probably wouldn’t be thrilled at the idea of his son dating another man. we don’t know about fight’s past, and maybe he has already had crushes on men and had to repress them. fighter seems to be used to a pretty luxurious lifestyle, he can’t just fuck off and go against his father because he would lose his support.

so it’s not just admitting things to himself, which can be insanely hard on its own especially if you were brought up in a traditional family, it’s also having to deal with the reactions from everyone around you

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT NEW THINGS TO ADD TO THIS POST SORRY anyway i think fighter has already shown multiple times that he does care for tor, it's just in a very shy and lowkey way because he's scared of giving himself away but he does indeed worry about tor (ex. he notices tor is stressed about his test, he tries to help outat his part time job). it also seems that in times of urgency he's more explicit about ex. offering to pay off his debt when tor was being threatened or saying he's his boyfriend when the gross cafe dude was hitting on him

also can we talk about how heartbreaking and soft fighter can be when he lets down his guard and shows his emotional side ex. telling tor nobody has ever taken care of him like that or the way he looks every time tutor pulls away first... this poor boy is touch starved and he craves affection but he can't ask for it yet. he's going to be a real gem once he can be honest with his feelings

for future episodes i think that tutor and fighter are well on their way to realizing their feelings for each other and there's going to be some development soon, but i dont expect fighter to come out to anyone else in the next few episodes because there's a lot of work to be done still. i just hope they dont pull the /i dont like boys i just like you/ trope because i WILL drop this show. so. fast. please don't ruin this character please let him accept his attraction to men fully

in conclusion. i dont blame fighter for anything he has done so far, he’s scared shitless but knows what’s going on, i trust he will soon be brave enough to start being honest with himself and with tutor

man this did NOT  take 10 minutes to write and i dont have time to proofread

[b-listbadboy]

Castlevania Season 3 was disappointing

(Spoilers for Castlevania Season 3, if you haven’t seen it yet it’s out now on Netflix. I suggest watching that first before reading this review)

I won’t say it was an awful season by any stretch of the imagination but man was it a drag to get through.

Almost nothing of significance happens for the majority of the season and the things that did happen felt extremely off and weird. 10 episodes, 25 to 30 minutes each, and every single one except for the fucking TWO LAST EPISODES were spent dicking around with a mystery that had little to do with anything from season 2 beyond a really out there twist that I’m sort of iffy on. Top that off with a lackluster arguably stupid ending to leave us off on a needless cliffhanger, and that’s the magic remedy that will leave me feeling pretty damn frustrated.

The best parts, in my opinion, were with Isaac’s massive undead crusade he was waging throughout his journey for revenge, and Trevor and Syph’s interactions with each other as well as with the little villagers. Isaac’s arc going from a servant of Dracula to slowing evolving into the master of the damned felt genuine, intriguing, and badass! I really wish he was the next main villain instead as it makes sense thematically. He carries out Dracula’s nihilistic views of humanity in a similar but now more direct way and that can lead into something really intriguing. However, for some reason, this season left him and his whole journey on a back burner, and virtually everything else that is implemented into main villain role fell flat on its face execution wise.

For example; The new vampires of this season are Camilla’s three other empress sisters, and while they do have a plethora of personality at the very least, that kind of comes at a cost of the main threat being extremely diluted. We go from this hurting sympathetic undead overlord with the power of an anchent GOD, to a couple of wicked sassy sisters who just wanna eat people forever? It’s a bit lame of a progression from what we once had, we know Vampires like to eat people that’s nothing new or exciting. There’s no real twist to it besides it being “led by women in the dark ages” and granted that makes sense here since it IS the dark ages, but come on we literally just had arguably the BEST adaptation of friggin’ Dracula! This shouldn’t be all they got moving forward from that.

Now, I have ZERO issue with the main antagonists being female or even two of the four sisters (not by blood don’t worry) being a lesbian couple. I hate that I have to emphasize this, hell I often defend Cinder Fall in RWBY more than anyone in the fandom at all despite her issues as a complex and sometimes flat out badly written character. However, The four of them in this season have the most basic of plans that it seems arbitrary status quote fluff at best. It felt like just because it’s Castlevania, we HAVE to have the vampires as the villains. Even though in the games the Belmont’s were literally fighting werewolves, dragons, skeletons, and the GRIMM REAPER??

Therefore, the sense of urgency and tense calculating plans of ‘survival vs extinction’ is completely gone. And yknow in a way, I can kinda initially SEE that working in a sort of “Empire Strikes Back” esque plot. Yknow, with Alucard and the gang go around cleaning up Dracula’s leftover horde only for Isaac or even Camilla to have this huge vengeful comeback of dominance? But there’s no one exactly “striking back” or even taking any kind of immediate initiative after Dracula’s death. It’s been MONTHS after the whole event and no one seems like they really care about that world changing event from the last two season’s. Everything is fine and dandy, no one has a single worry in the world! How enthralling...I miss Godbrand 😑

Besides the plan the four empresses have as well as Issac’s revenge, which I hope will both be more explored in season 4, no one really has any goal to warrant THAT kind of length of a season. This is more of a Netflix problem that I have with most of their shows and it’s one of the reasons why I don’t like watching them. Almost every singe show Netflix produces now, feels the need to overstuff itself with needless filler that gets us really nowhere until the very end where it SUDDENLY all comes together. But because of the nature of binge watching and considering how Netflix wants to desperately keep their subscriptions in fear of intimidating competition, they make these shows 12 episodes long with HALF HOUR OR MORE amount of filler content that’s supposed to satisfy us cause it’s “cute”?! No, stop this shit! Granted, Castlevania wasn’t nearly AS bad as the live action shows, but honestly, what exactly was shown to us that couldn’t have been reduced to like 5 solidly paced episodes focused on one or two plot lines ONLY like before? It worked perfectly back then, why change what ain’t broke?

As much as I don’t like the immediate rush of Trevor and Syph’s out of nowhere sexual relationship, I didn’t overall mind it too much since they still somewhat felt consistent. Their characteristics play off very nicely with one another and it’s pretty easy to see the chemistry between the two....HOWEVER I’M STILL GONNA COMPLAIN ABOUT IT SO HERE WE GO!

I get that they were setting them up as an endgame ship of the series, there’s no denying that, but they start fucking for what feels like (to the audience) two days after and I think that’s a bit ridiculous! Even if Alucard states that it’s been at the very least a month worth of time since the events of Season 2, there’s no real physical signs showing that statement to be true. Hell, Trevor’s beard and hair remains the same despite a HUGE passage of time where it would naturally grow out to indicate said time passing by. But both him, Syph, Alucard, and damn near everyone else looks the exact same as last season. So for all I know it could have been like a week since Season 2 and that to me doesn’t feel exactly earned. The Season 2 finale didn’t explicitly leave off Trevor and Syph officially a couple, they felt more like partners in crime more than anything else. Not to say that there wasn’t any chemistry there to develope INTO a relationship GRADUALLY, but going from a little spark of interest to the immediate jump of them sleeping together naked all comfortably as if they’re a goddamn married couple is a STRETCH! Even Trevor himself thinks so too so don’t jump down my throat about not being immediately swooned by the shipping fanservice given to us. I don’t dislike them as a couple at all, in fact I think their dynamic is cute! However, I would have also liked to have this couple feel natural and earned. They most certainly do not feel earned this way, at least to me.

Oh god, then there’s this out of nowhere sexual tension between Alucard and his new two recruits from another region hinted at in the previous season? Mind you, Alucard was doing literally NOTHING throughout the entirety of Season 3. Yep, literally the ONE DUDE WHO BASICALLY KILLED DRACULA gets about fuck all story progression afterwards out of the three. But what they DO give him are these two new vampire hunting student’s who look identical to one another (no racial they just literally look like fraternal twins) so I assumed they were either siblings or a couple, which makes it REALLY WEIRD WHEN THEY BOTH FUCK ALUCARD OUT OF NOWHERE?! I’m NOT making this shit up I promise! What makes even less sense is that it was really just a ploy for them to steal the Belmont knowledge of killing vampires to show to their people who have been enslaved. Which of course ends with them being killed so it really makes this entire conflict in his character damn near pointless besides “sad vibes check”, but here’s the thing...why didn’t they just keep doing training with Alucard?? There were virtually no downsides to having him teach you how to kill Vampires to save your village from being enslaved, he was teaching you both very well and gave you like the eternal knowledge of how to kill literally EVERY MONSTER and even let you live in the castle FOR FREE, food and wine included! What was the turning point for them to want to kill him all of the sudden? Cause he’s a vampire?? THEY FUCKING KNEW THAT ALREADY!!! Why was is suddenly not a problem at first but then coincidentally a problem now? If they wanted to use this to somehow depict this notion of “Oh my dad/Dracula was right humans are the worst” mindset, trust me, it was better conveyed with Isaac. These twins side plot not only made no sense, but also felt unjustified for Alucard to be an emo boi. I get that it’s supposed to be symbolic of him going through the same issues that both of his parents went through, but none of that really showed how bad human’s are. Just that those two twins didn’t think things through apparently. So the point of Alucard having this odd character convenience shift feels by the numbers cliché, and most importantly CHEAP.

It really makes no sense to me why they’re adding so much of this filler for such a long time, especially with some of this filler being oddly sexual. I don’t mind honest depiction of sex between consenting adults of course, but it just felt so misplaced and awkward at parts where it showed itself. I felt like I was reading a mediocre fanfic of Castlevania instead of the actual show itself! Granted, Season 2 had somewhat of a similar dilemma but the lull in between was still showing the character specifically doing things to further the story along. Towards the end, it gave us a way more satisfactory closure of that saga with Dracula that felt natural and well earned. This season however, felt like they were scrambling with different ideas here and there and didn’t know which to go with. Alucard training new recruits in his castle, Trevor and Syph figuring out an estranged (and BORING/GENERIC) cult of Dracula’s plan, Camilla setting up an army with her fellow sisterhood of evil vampires to gain ultimate power, Hector surviving captivity by using his wit and charm, Isaac raising up the dead for revenge on his deceased master, a new character introducing an all new world to the lore of Castlevania as we know it, all of these interesting concepts and ideas that could easily make up for a good season alone! And instead of focusing on one or two ideas to develope into something natural, they ended up saying “FUCK IT! Fucking I dunno what to- WE’RE DOING ALL OF IT I DUNNO!” and mixed the whole thing in a blender of different flavors that don’t necessarily blend together well enough for a tasty satisfactory meal. It just ends up being a mesh of okay at best, and gross at worst.

IN CONCLUSION, Castlevania Season 3 had a rocky start, an okay middle, and a kind of cool end. There was definitely some cool and exciting ideas implemented in here, but not enough to warrant that lengthy amount of time that Netflix seems to love to give to most of their TV shows. Sometimes less is more, and all that shiny cool glitter isn’t necessarily going to turn out to be gold. I’ll give this season a 5/10. It’s not the worst I’ve ever seen but it certainly could’ve been a lot better.

P.S. “Who Do Ya Voodoo” from Dead Island is Isaac’s new theme song, you can’t convince me otherwise.

[jellypipemedia]

Art Industry and Equality

The Artist Industry, an industry that lets self-expression come out in a number of mediums. 

As an Artist myself, i can tell you how wonderful it has been to have a creative outlet like my multimedia. To express my ideas and watch the momentum of my work turn into something special. As many other Artists, it’s hard to find that validation and legitimacy in the industry that defines you as a professional and makes your career into more than a ‘hobby’. Some find that struggle more intense than others.

The idea that ‘All Artists have to struggle’ is a common ideology but beyond that- do all artists struggle in the same ways? Of course not. This could be combated with a number of different perspectives based off of different talent levels and different environments but commonly, artists are not given the same opportunities based off of more than just their talent. Different aspects come into play. 

The Artist Industry has been known for their inclusive atmosphere and supportive community, but is it set apart from any other industry when it comes to addressing equality issues? 

Misogyny/Trans-Misogyny , unequal opportunities based on gender, lack of recognition and the power struggle of legitimacy have all played their part in work industries all over- and the artist industry doesn’t escape that narrative.

A common theme that i find more than any other is women, queer, non-binary, and Fem artists struggle to find their power behind their art because they are usually dismissed, deemed illegitimate, or seen as ‘just a hobby’, or they could ‘make it a real job someday’. Their work isn’t given the credit it deserves or the recognition of legitimate work. Opportunities are missed quite often as work lays in favor of social stigmas and safe investments in uncomplicated people seem to flourish regularly. 

Stewing over my thoughts on this, I reached out to my social media circle looking for more perspective on the situation. I was able to connect with a couple of people, ask them their thoughts on how these aspects of the industry have affected them on a professional level and their influence on the industry . I want to keep the dialogue going about this and would love to hear more about the perspective of women, queer, fem, non-binary artists on the industry that claims to be so inclusive.  

With that being said, I had a great opportunity to talk with the Founder of ‘Siren Nation’.       *

Diving into ‘Siren Nation’ media, I came across their ‘LinkedIn’ page. Their Mission Statement spoke to me and left me wanting to dig just a bit deeper into the foundation of their cause.

“Siren Nation is a unique arts organization that showcases and creates performance and exhibition opportunities for women throughout the year. We are the only women’s collective that produces an annual festival showcasing the original work of women working in music, film, performance and visual art.

Siren Nation’s mission is to inspire and empower women of all ages to create their own art and to highlight the many achievements of women in the arts.”

When I was connected with Natalia Kay O’brien, I didn’t know much about Siren Nation or where our conversation would lead too. I had an idea of where i wanted to take this project, not having much more than a foundation and urgency to keep learning more about the perspectives of women identifying, queer and non-binary.

So, I asked if she’d be willing to help me out by telling her story and giving us an insight on her perspective of the industry.

Natalia:

I'd be super happy to help! There's an amazingly rich queer music scene in Portland and the Pacific Northwest. That is a big part of the reason I moved out here!

From 1999-2010 i produced a lot of events that centered queer folx -some from out of town, some in town.

Jay:

Awesome! I appreciate that a lot about Portland and the PNW. I've grown up in Portland most of my life.

Natalia: 

Lucky you!

Jay:

What are some of the events that you produced?

Natalia:

I started out doing house concerts for a spoken word artist out of NYC, then booking shows for/with traveling queer female artists i got connected with over time. I ended up doing the booking for mississippi pizza for a couple of years and got some more experience there producing shows--generally national folk acts--and booking artists. That helped me begin to get more familiar with the local music scene and get introduced to some amazing artists like Laura Gibson, long before they broke out. 

My experience and frustration, with the local music scene's dearth of female and queer presence and opportunities to get the kind of exposure that festivals offer, inspired me to found Siren Nation, an organization dedicated to promoting and empowering women artists.

As a queer woman I made sure that there was a strong queer presence during my tenure. We were supposed to have ‘Gossip’ headline the first festival and 3 weeks beforehand they broke their contract!

The seven years I spent with Siren Nation exposed me to new queer artists. Unfortunately, at that time, there was no such thing (in terms of identity) as nonbinary, and we didn't put enough effort into be trans inclusive. We produced, and they still do, 2 tribute nights, one for dolly parton, one for billie holiday, that have been happening annually for something going on 15 years! and then the annual festival, in november, which i produced from 2007-2010. 

Jay:

That's absolutely awesome that you contributed so much to the queer/fem community. I know how intensely hard it can be to demand that recognition and be seen as legitimate in the eyes of the world. It's no small thing. Can you give me an example of a time where you’ve experienced misogyny/trans-misogyny that directly affected your work as an artist?

Natalia:

I was tired of not seeing enough women and women-fronted acts on local festival lineups when there were SO MANY amazing female bands. My work as an artist (visual) has been almost entirely a private endeavor. however i do think there is a correlation between the fact that i considered my drawing 'doodling' and i'm a woman. I made art for years before I took on the identity and claimed it. I still squirm a little.

Jay:

I can totally understand that. I deeply feel like the accomplishments of women are often made out to be 'A nice hobby' or 'could be a job someday.'

Natalia:

Yes, exactly.

I can tell you as a booking agent for queer female artists in an industry that is heavily male, did not make for the most hospitable environment to work in. Getting club bookers to book an artist whose press kit screams 'radical feminist lesbian" let alone that she was doing spoken word which was just emerging...well, ultimately all they cared about was whether we could fill a room. There were some venues that didn't want to deal with us, in more conservative parts of the country, i.e. midwest and southeast.

I think trans-misogyny was unfortunately a little baked into Siren Nation in the sense that trans women have remained almost invisible within that space. Not enough queers involved with siren nation after I left!

So I tackled showcasing as many media as possible--music, film, visual arts and later fashion and comedy.”

Jay:

That's a powerful tool in today's world too. Being someone who is involved in a variety of media ( myself as well) is a powerful weapon to today's world of perspective. We have a lot more influence than people credit us for. Have you been affected by any people that are positive influencers in the queer community/have given inspiration to you personally?

Natalia:

The artists inspire me!! That's part of why I produced events because I truly believe in the artists and want to help them connect with a larger audience and want people to get exposed! Bands like Team Dresch, who really blazed trails for queer women punks, all around the country at a time when there was virtually no queer presence in media. Beth Ditto and Gossip, for being fearlessly brash, unashamedly fat, and a force! Women who were unafraid to be loud when it wasn't the norm yet--Sleater Kinney, Bikini Kill too!--inspired me and they were tackling issues that I cared about as a feminist in ways that I didn't see straight women doing.

I will never ever forget seeing Bikini Kill and Kathleen Hannah telling all the 'boys to go to the back'. It blew my mind having stopped moshing b/c it wasn't safe and she demanded and created that space

Jay:

I can definitely vouch for queer punk artists being a heavy influence in the queer community and causing pressure on 'social norms'! It's very empowering and the women in the scene are not a force to be reckoned with. It's still astonishing how such a positive and empowering movement got met with so much resistance.

Natalia:

Kinda like what I wanted to do with Siren Nation. Yeah, some people can't handle a strong woman especially if she is in any way not gender/hetero conforming.

Jay:

I'm sure Siren Nation impacted a lot of people to be the ferocious and powerful people they knew they were.

Natalia:

I hope so!! I know it was a space where, for example, at the tribute shows, artists got to meet and mingle backstage, and spontaneous collaborations would happen.

Jay:

That's the best part of festivals in general. Bring artists from all over and to create that opportunity for networking and creativity.

Natalia:

Right!??!

Practically every female artist who has broken out nationally performed at Siren Nation at some point and offering free workshops was an important way for us to empower and encourage women to create and make their own art.

Jay:

That's awesome! Does Siren Nation still have a website that I can reference too?

Natalia:

Yup! Sirennation.org

As an audience, I found festivals an amazing opportunity to get exposed to new artists.

Most of the language there that is about the organization, like mission statements and values, is mine.

Jay:

So why have you decided not to produce events for Siren Nation more recently? or does the organization take care of itself nowadays?

Natalia:

I left in 2010 because i was pursuing a masters degree, basically decided to pour all the hours and energy i had put into siren nation into a degree that would get me a salary for doing that kind of work. My co-founder December Carson has stayed at the helm and kept it going all these years. There are some longtime volunteers who help at events.

My dream that someday it could be a salaried job I finally realized was not going to be feasible

Jay:

That's a positive transition out of the organization tho! Did you get your master's degree?

Natalia:

Yes! It helped to know that it would carry on after I left, because it was my baby and I was very attached!  It has thrived over the years due to the dedication of the board members who make it happen. New blood comes in, and then they add fashion and comedy. It's been neat to see how it has evolved over the years and yes, I got my Masters, in Public Administration.

Jay:

That's so so so good to hear   Thank you so much for talking with me today- you have really been insightful and this is truly very inspirational to hear as a queer woman in the multimedia industry!

With ending our conversation, I felt like I made a breakthrough on what direction I wanted to take this project and found the encouragement to keep pushing through the media and highlight these amazing women, non-binary, and queer people. 

We lack recognition for being who we are while we make it in this industry. We struggle and fight back - gaining ground and getting traction. 

I’m excited to see where this project takes me and I'm glad to have you all on this journey. Stay alert for more to come!

[migleefulmoments]

lmao Abby is losing her shit because Darren is gonna be singing White Christmas with Lea on her new Christmas album. Apparently that song is "sacred" and can only be sang by Darren and Chris. She seriously needs to get a grip.

Anonymous said: "I can be upset, I think it is a complete slap in the face. there are like 3000 christmas songs, there are THREE that are sacred.   And yes, D should have sad no." Oh look Abby doesn't approve of something Darren is doing AGAIN. Seriously she claims to be his biggest fan but yet complains about everything he does.

Man, I didn’t see this coming. I’m amazed at how deeply emotional they are about a scripted, tv-show couple and a really old song! I might understand  if Abby was a lesbian teenager and this was 2011. It was empowering for gay, lesbian and bisexual kids and young adults to turn on network tv and see people that looked liked them. But times they have a changed. Klaine and Brittana pushed boundaries, but in 2019 there are LGBTQ characters on many shows, Netflix has LGBTQ programing and Ryan Murphy continues to create shows that specifically tell LGBTQ stories-ie Pose and he has created LGBTQ characters for all of his shows because that’s life. He’s continues to normalize LGBTQ characters on his shows: 911 has a main character who is a married lesbian, The Politician has gay characters and its been reported that Rock Hudson will be a character in Hollywood. 

So here we are in 2019 and Abby is devastated that the sacred White Christmas will be covered by Darren and Lea on her new Christmas album. First off, why is the song sacred? Abby mentioned the “Bryant Park riot”-a riot we know never happened. The people “holding the fandom together” were not in the cc fandom when Chris and Darren filmed in Bryant Park. Their “memories” of that day have all been created by watching a few moments of the 11-hour day. I’ve come to realize that the cc theory is built on slowed-down gifs and screenshots. Reality looks nothing like cc so they manipulate the facts to fit their needs. It’s a powerful method because it is so easy to con people into believing inane facts. I am sure that Abby and Flowers and Cassie and Leka fully believe everything they hold near and dear about CrissColfer.  It’s all a lie but they fully believe they are throwing out tried-and-true proven facts. Abby in particular is really baffled why we can’t see what she see. The difference between them and us is that we don’t listen with our eyes. We don’t get information about Darren and Mia by piecing together gifs. That’s it-gifs and screenshots from videos! Can you imagine if a lawyer a police officer  used a gif as evidence? 

Nobody set out to con the tinhatters into believing a fantasy that doesn’t exits-in fact, nobody is conning the fandom-they are conning themselves. They don’t look at the  evidence and form an opinion- they literally create the evidence. Zoom in a photo until you can crop out what you need or clip 1-2 seconds from a longer video, slow it down, add some text and suddenly *BAM* you have proof! Proof with all the drama and emotion to make it feel so much more important than it was. 

How the shit hit the fan:

Leka:

jaci3

I will definitely be purchasing this album! So much talent! Cynthia!! Darren!! Jonathan and Lea!!

notes-from-nowhere

I’m going to take this as a good news👍🏻

ajw720

But no, no, no no. Do not get me wrong, I am thrilled D is on the album, but no, no, no, not a K/laine song. Why?  There are so many Christmas songs out in the world and they chose a K/laine song?  

I have no interest, it can never live up.

I hate 2019.

DRAMA MUCH?

Thanks, but it’s a hard pass for me.

ajw720

I actually have tears in my eyes. This feels like a complete slap in the face. Sorry, but it is and it should not have been this song and I don’t care what you believe, Those songs are sacred to the K/laine fandom whether you think he is married to her or with C or something completely different.  

How many Christmas songs are there to choose from? If she wanted WC, she could have sang it with someone else.

With you @cassie1022 hard pass.  It may seem silly to be this upset about something, but this actually makes me angry.  I feel like K/laine fans are being discarded. That is his LEGACY, something he should be proud of, through that character and that pairing, he and C made a difference, and I do not understand why it needs to constantly be chipped away.  

I have to say the thing that strikes me the most is how obtuse she is about what Glee was the end. It was a mess. I loved Glee but most of the fun by the end was the amazing fanfiction, Fanon Klaine and fandom itself. It was fun to get the song sneak peeks and BTS photos and videos. It was amazing to be a part of a fandom of people who loved what I did. It is amazing to be part of the Chris and Darren stanclub.  But Glee...it was a disaster. .

Leka proves some context for “White Christmas is Sacred” and notice how how many are gifs: 

leka-1998

Excuse you.

WC is so much more than just a song.

undefined

(She does know this is a scripted moment right? Darren didn’t actually travel to NYC from Lima with Chris’s dad and someone told him when to skate, what to say, what to sing.). 

“It’s been a whirlwind, but amazing. We got to film at the ice skating rink in Bryant Park, which was just incredible. It was one of the best filming experiences I’ve ever had.”

- Ch/ris Col/fer

(Yes, Darren laid down on the carpet and took a picture of Chris which was  about the most cc thing that happened in 11 hours)

(I have no doubt that these three gifs were created from 1 or 2 seconds of real-time video. These images created the false impression that they spent the day together, gleefully skating and being intimate. Not too long ago, I read a cc post that claimed “Darren spent the day taking care of Chris”.  No, not true- see the videos below for a more realistic representation of the day). )  

#truly this really upsets me

(I guess she is reminding us of how much they mean to the world- eye roll.)  

I tried finding a long video on YouTube-ideally much of the day or even just big chucks of the day but *surprise* nobody bothered to upload that snooze fest. If the day was actually the cc riot the posse believes it was, there would be an 11-hour complication video.

I did find some video that accurately represents what I remember. Basically just imagine 11 hours of the following: 

undefined

Chris was pretty shaky when they started skating but by the time they filmed, he was much better. I cannot imagine being on skates for 11- shaky- hours.

undefined

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Chris skating alone, trying to get more comfortable with skating before filming.

That’s it! That s the totality of what is posted on YouTube from the “Riot”.

The conversation continues; 

Anonymous asked:

White Christmas is literally one of the most cliché christmas songs. The album is just Lea's favorites. Darren has sung White Christmas before and he sounded amazing so it's only natural she would invite him to sing it with her. I get the a lot of things can be frustrating, but good god you all being THIS upset about it is the reason why everyone mock our fandom. It's not even baby it's could outside. At least we know for sure chris is going to be mentioned at some point during the promo.

ajw720 answered: (in victim mode)

Why do you care if I am this upset?  Seriously, let them mock me, they have blogs dedicated to hating me and posts multiple times a day.  I am over it, they are the ones with the sad lives who actually give me power.  

(Nope, not dedicated to “hating you”, I simply debunk your “facts” and “proof” beaus they are not evidence of CrissColfer; Yes, this is unfortunately a negative side effect to disproving your lies- you don’t care if the attention is negative or positive- you just like the attention. But pointing out the lies and misinformation is more important to me ) 

I can be upset, I think it is a complete slap in the face. there are like 3000 christmas songs, there are THREE that are sacred.   And yes, D should have sad no.  We sit here and swallow everything, including having “D” himself mock and yell at our fandom on SM.  And I virtually defend everything he does, probably to a fault, including holding out that person as his wife. This was easily avoidable.

(well at least you acknowledge that Darren calls out your fandom for their bad behavior on social media. Now would be a good time to really analyze why you think that is. Really sit down and think about why Darren would mock your fandom without a gif or a screenshot to zoom in on. What would drive him to be angry at a ccer?) . 

Sorry, not sorry, don’t like, post on your own blog and stop reading mine if you don’t like the way i represent. Happy to pace the torch. 

(Wow she is happy to pass the torch? Right. ) 

notes-from-nowhere

(Notes comes in and tries to soothe Abby’s fragile nerves).

So, I feel the need to say something. I’m not that much upset for the song mostly because I think it may be the song D picked out if those presented to him so I don’t fully like the idea but it could have been worse. At least all of the involved knows the meaning of the song.

What bothers me though is this kind of attitude, anon. This urgency to come here and to tell to another person what/how/when she should feel about something. Trying to put a weight on it or to dismissed the rightfulness of her feelings.

If this is how she (and everyone else) feels about this, she has the right and the freedom to say it out loud without having to face someone else’s judgement because maybe she has another opinion.

(and the anon has the right to say what she feels-see how that works?)

There are different ways to approach a person to communicate so please next time, think better.

ajw720

Thank you @notes-from-nowhere, hard to believe, the above was at least more respectful than this anon:

This is why I left the fucking fanbase. I still very much agree with the same views and ideas that all of you have, but jesus christ, it’s a SONG. Calm down. I’m just happy whenever D does something that doesn’t envolve PBB. Getting so upset because D is singing a song that he sang with C. Maybe he’s doing it because it reminds him of the Bryant Park shoot? Maybe? Good god, everything is the apocalypse to you guys. Leaving was the best thing I’ve ever done.

I want to remind everyone, I am the one, with a handful of people, keeping this fandom alive and supporting D&C daily,. And just like i can praise them, i can tell them when they hurt me.  This hurt. Maybe I am being overly dramatic and if this was isolated, i would say yes. This is not isolated, it is a continued effort to erase K/laine and CC.  As has been pointed out, not only did they offend K/laine fans in general, it is a knock at our fandom who still to this day celebrate the skating riot.

(Oh lord, she reminds us she is the HBIC, sacrificing everything to keep the fandom together. I love that she believes this is “supporting D&C daily”. Nobody needs to be told the suck everyday.  She support them and so she can criticize them but nonnie cannot criticize her. That makes perfect sense) 

Again literally THOUSANDS of songs to choose from.  Not even sure why L would EVER want to compete with C, but in this case, the fault doesn’t lie with her.  D should have said no.  

(I don’t think Lea is too worried about putting up her vocal chops against Chris’.  The both have great voices)

I am not going to say anything else and just accept that yet another of D’s 2019 projects is something i won’t ever see or hear.  

(once again it’s all about her and her hurt feelings. But this response is at least rationale-if you don’t like the project- skip it. It isn’t Darren’s responsibly to provide 100% Abby approved content)   

I really hope things are going to change, I really, really do.

(But they aren’t..they really aren’t.  This is Darren’s life and I know it’s super stressful because you are trying to hard to make his life work with yours and it just won't You both have very conflicting and opposing goals for Darren’s life. Here’s a protip: Go on a gif-free and zoomed-photo-free diet for a few months. Analyze the information at face value. Learn what PR really means and see how things look.If for no other reason than your own sanity. Stop trying to shove the square peg in the round hole 

#please do not send any more asks on this topic

#i am very upset

ajw720

My feelings aside, WHY in the world would LM EVER want to compete with this? Sorry, but it won’t be half as good. Stupid move and that is trying to remove my bias.

(Her thought processes never ceases to amaze me. Abby and Trump- they start criticizing and they just can’t stop. Lea gets to make her own decisions about what songs she sings, who she’s competitive with, whether she wants to take a chance and put herself out there or not. It just isn’t anyone else’s business. Chris has a beautiful voice but Lea has a stunning voice-she isn’t worried. This is right up there with her criticisms of TSG’s air conditioning, drink names, theme nights and every comment she’s made about a bar she will never go to. 

[theeeveetamer]

Extended Three Houses Thoughts

I’m about two chapters from the end of the Blue Lions route but I do have some extended thoughts on the game that I wanted to type up and share before I get back to it. Spoilers below the cut, in case that wasn’t obvious.

So first off I want to say that I have far more positive things to say about this game than negatives, but I do think this game has some negatives. These aren’t in any particular order I just kind of typed them as I thought of them.

I feel like a lot of what this game does was in direct response to Fates. There was a lot of swinging the pendulum back in very noticeable ways, and for the most part I think that’s a good thing.

The seriously slimmed down cast, for one. I was kind of surprised and a little worried when I first picked up the game and I found out that each house only had about seven core characters, but I like it. Fates had too many characters, and most of the time they ended up being redundant. You had, what, eight fliers in Revelation including children, with at least five more characters potentially able to become fliers through their normal promotion paths? When, at most, you probably needed three. And some were significantly better than others, so obviously you went with those and the rest kind of rotted away in your barracks.

With Three Houses each character feels important. Since you can now train basically any character to be anything it also means you can have some fill specific niches. You can have Sylvain be a sword cavalry unit, and Dimitri be a lance cavalry unit, and Ingrid an axe cavalry unit if you want, drop their breaker skills on them, and they can all be useful and important on the same team.

The supports also feel more meaningful. Don’t get me wrong there’s still a lot of re-hashing of already covered territory (basically all of Dedue’s supports involve either cooking or the fact that he’s from Duscur, most of Ingrid’s revolve around wanting to be a knight or marriage contracts, etc.) but the fact that there’s less of them makes this feel like less of a problem. And it’s nice that, now, they don’t try to force every conversation into a C-B-A-S format. Some characters only have C-B, others have C-B-A-A+, etc. I think it makes sense. Not every character will be as close as others, and not all support conversation threads need three parts to be meaningful and impactful. Some need more, some need less. Trying to squish them in or stretch them out always hurt more than it helped.

That said, I’m a little disappointed there’s no match-making to be had. Everyone in this game gets brother-zoned/sister-zoned so fast it’s kind of comical. There are a few A supports that hint at feelings but you can’t actually make them S-support. Also, a character might indicate feelings for more than one other character in their A supports so it’s not definitive. Maybe there’s more once the game is finished, but within the actual main story there’s nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, it makes sense to me. As young teenagers in school there wouldn’t really be any reason for any of them to get married. I thought that might change after the time skip but it doesn’t. I don’t necessarily hate that it’s gone, it’s just a feature I enjoyed fucking around with in Awakening and Fates (and I was looking forward to, hopefully, more gay representation. I was really hoping that they might allow characters to be gay for each other and not just the Avatar character, especially since they included so many lesbian options this time around. But alas, maybe next game).

The exclusion of child characters was a good call. Barring the fact that the exclusion of S-Supports would automatically exclude child characters, I still think it was a good call. Unless the game had a significant time skip (15+ years) then they just wouldn’t have made sense. They worked in Awakening because the central narrative included time travel, but they didn’t work at all in Fates. The narrative only had tentative connections to the “multi-verse/multiple realities” thing. And, let’s be real, it’s fucking weird to have kids walking around that are the same damn age as their parents (and parents that didn’t look a day older than 17). In Fates they’d just needlessly ballooned up the cast of a game that was already way too big anyways. If they did it then they needed to do it like Genealogy, where the main cast was essentially replaced by their children instead of strapped onto the game alongside them.

I was worried that Fate’s poor handling of them meant the series was doomed to include them regardless of relevance. Glad I was wrong on that one.

The calendar progression is pretty cool, as is walking around the monastery. It was pretty fun to run around and figure out where each character liked spending their time, which characters interacted with which, etc. I’m always a fan of a little flavor text and having each character say a few lines about current events was really cool and helped give each one a little more personality. The more structured pace of things makes sense for the school environment. Though it does take out some of the urgency when the mission is “FIND FLAYN IMMEDIATELY” and then you have to wait until the end of the month anyways to do it. But for other things, like a mission to march on enemy territory, it makes sense (your entire army isn’t ready to go immediately, there’s preparations that need done).

The designs of the characters themselves were pretty well done. I especially appreciate how they toned down a lot of the sexualization that Fates became pretty famous for. And considering basically all of these characters are between 15-18 all I can say is THANK GOD. Even their aged up versions don’t seem too bad, though I’ve only really seen the Lions (because I was dumb and didn’t recruit very aggressively).

I’m still NOT a fan of this “silent” protagonist thing. It just makes some of the cut scenes and dialogue sections feel really disconnected and awkward. From what I can tell a lot of your dialogue choices don’t particularly matter, anyways. You only have two options, and for the most part they have the same meaning (”You shouldn’t talk that way!” versus “I wish you would calm down.”)  and the character you’re talking to responds the same way regardless of your choice. Or you pick between two different options (”Tell me about the officer’s academy” and “Tell me about the church”) and the characters proceed to explain both anyways.

I think the biggest issues I have with this come from the fact that the game itself is fully voice acted. I think Three Houses fell into the same problem that Breath of the Wild did. Dropping a character that never speaks aloud into a cast of characters that are fully and beautifully voiced feels unnatural. I think they had two options here: Either go back to what they did with Fates (No full voice acting, just some lines spoken here and there) or they needed to have Byleth fully voice acted. After Echoes did full voice acting I really don’t think they would have been able to go back without some serious backlash. 

Personally I would have preferred it if Byleth were fully voice acted but they got rid of some of the dialogue “options”. They don’t feel like a meaningful feature, it’s just a thin veneer so they can say they had dialogue options, because that’s what every other game on the market is doing. Part of me wonders if they did this as a response to the Corrin hate after Fates. It’s hard to hate a character when you pick all of their dialogue, right? If that is the case, then they clearly didn’t understand why people hated Corrin so much.

Overall I don’t really feel any connection or attachment to Byleth. That might just be me, though. The three “lords” of the game are clearly meant to be the main focus, especially when it comes to character development. Maybe I’ll change my mind on that after I beat the game.

That said, thank fuck they toned down the avatar hero worship. Circling back a little bit, I just feel like the character of Byleth is handled much better than Corrin. It’s kind of unfortunate that Awakening, Fates, and Three Houses kind of have this avatar hero-worship vibe to them but if we’re going to have to live with it then I guess I’ll explain myself.

In Awakening the hero worship worked. Robin was, essentially, a brilliant tactician that brought a lot of success to Ylisse’s army. There were at least a few characters that were initially wary of Robin, but they were treated respectfully by the story and it’s presented as though they are just exercising a healthy amount of caution.

In Three Houses the hero worship works. It feels much less like worship and more like genuine respect and admiration. Byleth is a professor and a mentor to these young people so it makes sense. There are a few that were initially skeptical of him/her (which is totally justified in the story because Byleth appears to be barely older than them with zero teaching experience) but they come around after Byleth’s skill is demonstrated to them throughout Part 1. The only character I’d say seems to blindly worship Byleth is Rhea, and that’s justified because she clearly knows something about the main character that no one else does.

In Fates the hero worship was excessive. Corrin as a character is nothing really special. He/She isn’t particularly intelligent or particularly skilled at anything. The most you could say is that Corrin is probably supposed to be charismatic (since every character falls at their feet the second they meet) but Corrin doesn’t feel charismatic to me. They have multiple characters that seem to exist for the sole purpose of worshiping the ground they walk on (Camilla, Ryoma, Sylas, Jakob, Felicia, etc.), to the point that I felt it ruined otherwise interesting characters (Camilla mainly). Any character that doesn’t immediately worship Corrin is either forced to come around, brainwashed by the big bad and turned into a villain, or just wanted to love Corrin so much but circumstances made it impossible so they had to be evil. I could make an entire post about how much I hate Corrin but I’ll stop it here since this is supposed to be about Three Houses.

So considering where they were coming from... Byleth is fine. I don’t know if I like them more than Robin, but I definitely like them more than Corrin. I’ll feel more definitively about them after I’ve finished the game and played some of the other routes.

They re-use maps in this game. A lot. I noticed it pretty quickly about five chapters in, but IMO it’s a serious problem that this game never quite seems to shake. If the battle is in a city, they pick one of two city maps. If it’s in a forest they’ve got one of three forest maps. And I’m not complaining about Auxiliary battles because I only did a handful of those (and they always reuse maps for those, even in Fates and Awakening). I’m talking about main story and paralogue mission maps.

Sometimes they have a unique map (like the tomb/catacombs) but it invariably comes back later for a paralogue or another main mission. Sometimes it comes back less than two chapters after it first appeared (the monastery fight right before the time skip and then defending the monastery two chapters after the time skip.) I could understand if they re-used maps across different routes (because Fates did the same thing), but so far I’ve only been in one route and it’s the same maps over and over.

Finally, I have no idea how I’m going to survive playing this game two (three?) more times. I mean, I like it. It’s fun. But it took me like 40 hours just to complete one route I have no idea how I’m going to do all three (possibly four, since I’ve been told the eagles route can be different depending on if you side with the church or not).

[kelstitch]

@freddieseyeliner @the-grand-duchess-natalia @mlle-fahrenheit @starlight-and-moonshine @tantrums-nd-tiaras @bicaz @yogurtbattle @coleybutagoodie @dragonrider96

Hello there ladios!

This is me, Kelsey. Same lesbian classic rock loving, artsy and animation ladio from @rulingqueenarts98

You might be wondering why I suddenly have this new account with a new username and the same icon as @rulingqueenarts98 Let me assure you know that I am not some fake person that stole the icon and being a great pretender. My proof:

Allow me to explain as what happened as to what lead up to this:

A few days ago, as I was up at night doing homework like the night owl I am, I realized that one of the things I needed to urgently do was update my art school blog (rulingqueencato98) with my best flash animations I did the previous quarter at my art school as a couple of animation studios will start to inquire about who the head of my program should recommend for employment.

So I changed my email and password on my account so that I could get into my account on my laptop to publish the animations. However, despite how the system was alright for the changes, it needed me to log out so I did. When I tried to log back in with the new email, the system didn’t recognize my new email being connected to my account. I tried everything from uppercase to lowercase to see if it could solve the problem, but it didn’t.

On my own, I turned to writing to Tumblr support and even calling them to resolve the issue, and the help they provided did not resolve my problem whatsoever. I then consulted with someone (I will not name her for the sake of their privacy) that helped me write out an email addressing my issue to Tumblr staff providing evidence as to what was going on. They still insisted that they couldn’t revert to my previous email and they couldn’t give me my login in info (I can understand for security reasons, but I have provided them proof that I am the owner of the account and even listing my four blogs) which made me feel visibly aggravated.

These four blogs that I’m pertaining to are:

RulingQueenArts98

the-angel-Lady-Kels

RulingQueenCato98

thecrew-sauveterremage

These blogs are still visible and not terminated as of today.

So now my old account is being run in by an email that doesn’t exist and potentially has a typo. Just. Fucking. Fantastic.

I have made the decision to move my art school blog onto a different platform bc of the idiocy that fumes on the Tumblr staff team and the distrust I’ve learned to not allow this incident to ripple here again. I’ll provide a link once it’s up this weekend if anyone’s interested.

I’ve tried to talk to Tumblr support to resolve this issue, but they’re so strict about their bs policies, not giving out information until I’ve proven myself to be the owner (keep in mind, I did point that out to them proving I am by naming the four blogs under my account and a screenshot of the new email not being connected to my previous account) and not being able to do ANYTHING to help me besides their repetitive bullshit.

The system that they have in place to resolve issues like the one I currently have (and I’m sure others do as well) is flawed (by which I mean they should bring back the confirm email address thing back if anyone knows what I’m talking about or if I’m going slightly mad here) and it frustrates me that they can’t do a fucking thing about it. I don’t know what else I can do to prove that RulingQueenArts98 is my account at this point in time as I’m waiting for an answer, but I’ve had enough.

For the time being, this will be my temporary homestead until this issue can get quickly resolved. Don’t worry my dears, as I will still be doing here what I love best and I’m terribly sorry for this inconvenience that is not only on me but for all of you. If any of you do know how a complex situation like mine can get resolved, don’t be afraid to leave a comment or reblog as this will help garner the attention of the staff to realize the urgency of this as I put a lot of hard work into my animations for almost the past year and would hate to see it all wasted for nothing.

[pointreyesjournal]

Autumn Comes Early in Napa Valley : ep48

Anastasia is hornier than a blind lesbian in a fish market. White wine with strawberries, a Ferrari and a $25,000,000 Napa Valley trophy estate might have something to do with it. She’s absolutely thrilled to be here and the excitement is oozing from every pore in her body.

I think we’re both still somewhat in shock about the spontaneity in which this weekend is happening. Two days ago I was wallowing in loathing and self doubt, feeling like the universe was teasing me with this incredible woman and then making her vanish like Jimmy Hoffa. It felt very unfair. Ana represents the possibility of a new path forward in my life, a light at the end of the loneliness tunnel. When I lost her the first time, it may have been due to a simple miscommunication, but it felt like the universe was intervening, punishing me in some cruel way or just steering her away from me for lord knows whatever reason.

And yet, here I am today, in this beautiful place with this beautiful woman, the universe be damned!

le temps de faire l'amour

“Take my hand and show me to the master suite” she says, and off we go down the hall in search of a metaphysical connection, preferably wrapped in Egyptian cotton sheets.

We pass half a dozen empty bedrooms before reaching the master suite at the end of the hall. Oddly the door is closed. I intercept Ana’s free hand as she reaches for the door handle.

Me: Stop!

Ana: What!?

Me: Shhhhhhh. shhhhhhh. (whispering now) listen.

Ana is dead silent and leans her ear in toward the door.

Ana: (whispering) is that music?

Me: Uh huh …

We’re both listening quietly now.

Ana: Is that Maxwell? Embrya??

Me: Uh huh. Bow chicka wow wow.

Ana: Oh my god, that sounds like Autumn. They’re getting it on! What’s that smacking sound?

Ana’s shock is quickly devolving into giggles and I’ve got my hand over my mouth, my eyes are about to burst out of my head like Roger Rabbit. I’m doing everything I can to not roar with laughter and blow our cover.

The noises coming from behind the door are increasing in both volume and tempo. Autumn manages to squeak out the words “ohhhhhhhh babeeeeeeee” right before Floody unleashes the orgasmic firehose “ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!”

I grab the belt loop on the back of Ana’s little Daisy Duke shorts … “retreat!!” … and we both take off running down the hall and around the corner into the living room where we fall giggling into The Tech Titan’s giant sectional sofa. We are just silly with laughter.

Ana: That was intense! Hahahaha

Me: She’s probably drowning in baby batter …

Ana: Eeewww. “All patrons must shower before entering pool”

Me: If they jump in the jacuzzi without showering, run for your life!

The adrenaline rush is wearing off and she’s just melting into my arms while we lay on the couch. I’ve got my hands in the small of her back and she’s kissing my neck. The energy between us is calmly passionate, but the urgency for a midday tryst is gone. I’m enjoying the cuddle time. I could do this all day but I don’t want to be laying here when Floody and Autumn come sauntering out of the bedroom.

Me: Let’s go for a swim.

Ana: Sweety … I’m already soaking wet.

[semenguine]

it’s 2:31am and i’m in my first year of university and my fourth or fifth month of eden and watching the minutes melt away. eden’s not home yet and i’m lonely. i have been posing prettily on the air mattress for some time, waiting to surprise her. i remember running my fingers over the mattress and feeling quite melodramatically that i am being neglected.

at last i hear the click of the lock as the door opens. 2:57am. it’s almost 3am. i remember my irritation at how long she’s been keeping me, but then i hear her keys jingle once. twice. i know something’s wrong, they’re moving so slow and she usually moves so quickly. i don’t bother to put my clothes back on, filled with an inexplicable urgency. 

i am right. she has been twisted up and mangled. i gasp at the sight of her blood. what’s all of this, i say. she closes the door, locks it back. turns. the look on her face is blank and emotionless. she doesn’t answer, just wipes the blood away from her nose as much as she can. one of her eyes is swelling fast. her knuckles are scratched. they will bruise. did you get in a fight? i say.

yeah, she says this gruffly. i move to take her coat and she tears herself away from me a little bit, turning. she takes it off herself and lets it fall to the floor. her keys drop too. over what, i say. she looks irritated. over what? i press, louder. her eyes flare at me. she moves, and winces, and is making her way over to the bathroom, all slow and pained.

i’d never seen her beat up as bad as that before. i soak a clean dishcloth in some cool water and follow her. i slam the toilet seat down- i’ll deal with it sierra, she’s saying. i ignore her completely, wholly, totally. i force her down on the toilet seat and start cleaning up her injuries. she winces and cringes and sucks her breath in between her teeth.

what was this about, i demand. shut up sierra, she says. she glares at me resentfully. i shake my head at her and her silly stupid temper. you’re always getting into these fights for no reason, i begin angrily, she doesn’t let me finish. i was at this party, she says heatedly. and this guy started saying shit about you. you don’t need to know what it was, i just got mad and i took a swing at him because i always- but. she scowls then. it went south, she finishes shortly. she hisses as i dab at a long scratch on her arm. what’s this, then, i probe.

doesn’t cut his fucking fingernails, she says. that’s what. i frown at her with disapproval. you’re witholding, i say. she shrugs. after a while i finish. the towel is blood soaked but she’s clean now. tenderly i put bandaids over what i can. i put some ice in a plastic baggie for her eye. were you waiting for me, she addresses finally, gently snapping the waistband of my panties against my hip. i was, i say. i know i’m uglier than i was when i left, she jokes. im not sexy anymore, huh?

you’re telling lies, i say. i angrily move to the mattress and take my bra off, pulling the blankets over myself. i’m not, she says. you are, i say, i turn away from her. she sits herself down next to me. it’s just stupid details, she says tenderly. he was talking crap. does it matter what he said? the point is i blew up and he was stronger than i was and he beat the shit outta me. i kinda had it coming. i glare at her and turn back over.

look, maybe i don’t wanna talk about it right now, she says. say that then, i say. she stares at me. you’re being so difficult, she starts. properly incited, i utter asshole! and i tell her im going to go home. what, don’t, she says. it’s late anyway. and something in her voice makes me stay. 

she lies down and wraps her arms around me. i’m sorry, she whispers. i don’t say anything. i put my hands over her hands and stare at the wall. i don’t want- she falters, and is silent for a while. i’m starting to fall asleep when she talks again. they were calling you a slut and stuff and i know you said you didn’t care so i ignored it- then he said i was- that you weren’t- that you couldn’t love... y’know. a dyke like me and that he knew because you told him that when you were sucking his dick last night and i knew it wasn’t true and that i shouldn’t do it but i got so mad and i took a swing at him, she blurts out. and i think i really got him. but i left the party and him and some of his dumb friends fucking jumped me, she states. that’s what i get for going to parties off campus i guess and they beat the hell out of me and. 

and she stops.

and what, i turn my head. every muscle in her body is tense. eden, my voice drops and so does my heart. they didn’t get anywhere with it, she says instead, quickly. it’s an easier sentence to say than the other one. my wenis freaked them out and they called me a freak and left. it’s not- 

eden, i say. it’s not really a big deal, eden, i didn’t even want to, eden, i wasn’t going to tell you because, eden, i knew you’d flip out like, eden, it’s not even, eden, and then a gasp, this quiet gasping sound and i look up at her and she’s crying, sucking this breath in through her teeth and shaking. it didn’t go anywhere, she sobs. i wasn’t gonna say anything.

you have to tell me, you have to tell me, i say it again and again and again. my heart is pounding in my chest. i’m fucking terrified. the room seems somehow smaller than it is. don’t hide it. she’s still crying. i hold her. i hold her so damn tight my hands ache and my face scrunches and i cry too and that’s the moment i decide i dont want to confine myself to a loveless marriage to a man who will beat me and let me waste away at home. i decide i want this. i don’t know what possesses me. what makes me. some instinctual feeling from those who came before me or something else entirely.

she always called herself butch but i was simply gay or a lesbian if i was feeling up to it. i slept with so many men it never usually came up. always the worst men. the ones who did bad things to girls at parties, the ones with awful tempers and certain feelings about women. i couldn’t ever love them but every single whore and bitch thrown my way, every time a hand made contact with my cheek, or a fist with my ribs, every push and shove, every time i was ignored, every time i was silenced and taken as it pleased them i felt something so close for them that it might as well have been. 

it felt so good. it’s sick but it felt so good. and i spent all my time cutting and crying. i did my best to do my schoolwork and i did my teachers if i could when it wasn’t enough. i loathed myself. every single last bit of me i hated and it was wonderful. every time my scientists called me to check in and i told them i was great. i didn’t have anything to live for. i don’t really know what i was still living for. 

but after that day i started trying on the word femme. it felt good so i kept it. i don’t have to patch her up anymore, not like i used to. but sometimes i still have to make sure the stitches are holding together. 

[fooboo24]

info about my (current) ryders under the cut, basically just for my own reference

format comes from the ryder tag going around before the game came out (i was never tagged but still using it lmao)

Name: Rue Ryder

Gender: cis female

Ethnicity: Egyptian-Mexican (via her mother), Portuguese-Canadian (via father)

Eye Color: deep brown

Hair Color/Description: Naturally, her hair is a dark brown and straight. However, back in the milky way, she frequently balayaged her hair blonde and got some kind of hair treatment to make it wavy/curly.

Skin (Color, blemishes, tattoos, ect): MOLES ALL OVER. Dark-skinned, a few scars, only one major, noticeable one that stretches from her left ear, under and across her jaw, finishing at her chin.

Misc physical attributes: Short (5′2″), Buff(tm)

Preferred romance option: Reyes, but maaaaaybe Jaal?

Relationship with Alec & Sibling (Do they get along? ect.): She loves her family a lot, even if they don’t always get along. Her father was always hard on her and her brother to succeed and be the best of the best, and while she resented him in her earlier years for it, she inwardly forgave him a lot when she realized he just wanted the best for them.

Her brother and her are besties. She plays the “I’m the older one” card a lot on him, and they have the typical sibling love-hate relationship, but ultimately they love each other and will always be there for each other, if only because they know that in some ways, they’re all the other has.

Projected BFF (The squad mate who isn’t bae but you always take): Drack or Peebee.

Dreams/Hobbies/Likes: To just explore Andromeda freely with her friends, without Pathfinder responsibilities lording over her. She just wants to chill and do her thing in space, basically.

She likes to work out a lot, draw, absentmindedly study, collect atrocious yet oddly perfect accessories, and socializing. Never not down for movie night or spending time with people, especially if she has work-related things she can put off.

She loves clothing and accessories (ranging from haute couture to tacky af), learning languages and pondering over Mysterious Shit, and blueberries.

Fears/Dislikes: Dying, finality, losing someone important, infinite space (she is fascinated by space, but is also scared of it?)

Squishy textures (they gross her out), bugs of literally any variety (she’s kind of ‘blech’ about them), oranges (rue: smells good, ain’t gonna eat it tho)

Other (What else should we know about your Ryder):

She’s a linguist/anthropologist with a linguistic specialization. She has ADHD and actively takes medication for it. Bisexual/Pansexual and openly flirty, but has a difficult time with the ~deeper~ aspects of a romantic relationship. Doesn’t like being told what to do or how to do something (by a teacher/expert it’s fine, by a know-it-all, no), and becomes resistant and reluctant if forced to do something. Had to significantly downsize her personal Tacky Sunglasses collection and book collection upon coming to Andromeda, legitimately distraught upon doing so. Likes to sing, but she can’t do it well (her brother, alternately, can, but hates singing, easily embarrassed). Very confident, probably dangerously so.

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Name: Caroline Ryder

Gender: cis female

Ethnicity: Korean (via mother), French-Japanese (via father)

Eye Color: dark brown (black at typical glance)

Hair Color/Description: Full, thick, long, glossy, and black. Doesn’t wear hair down often (kind of shy about if for some reason), but won’t cut it off because she enjoys messing with it with different styles. Usually wears her hair back in a braided bun.

Skin (Color, blemishes, tattoos, ect): Several moles. Pale-skinned

Misc physical attributes: Tall (5′11″), slim of body, monolid eyes, thick brows

Preferred romance option: In my headcanon-verse, she gets together with Cora. Actually in game, probably Peebee or Suvi (I feel like Peebee would lighten her up, but Suvi would suit her better overall so???).

Relationship with Alec & Sibling (Do they get along? ect.): Her father was not often around when Caroline and her brother (and, once again in my headcanon-verse, their younger sister, June), were growing up, so her initial perceptions of him were distant, but she thought him a strong and important figure in the scope of things due to the urgency of his job and the gravity of the tasks he was given. When she was older and her father was around more, there was an attempt to become closer facilitated by her mother and herself, but it never caught on and Caroline learned just what kind of a man her father was - gruff, distant, and largely emotionally reluctant. After one too many times being ignored, she gave up and grew to distrust and dislike her father, but there was still a cold, impersonal respect of his position and skills there. Her father’s best relationship with any of his children was with June, whom he seemed to be more open, warm, and supportive with, leading Caroline, much to her dismay, to become somewhat jealous of her younger sister.

She had a closer relationship with her mother, whom was the parent most often seen by her and her siblings. She wanted to be a scientist when she grew up due to her closeness with her mother, and in due time when to school to study genetics. Her mother’s death caused her great grief.

Her relationship with her brother was originally poor due to the fact that they were often pitted against each other in terms of success by their father and others around them. They were usually compared and contrasted when it came to most aspects of themselves, and as such they competed harshly and a competitiveness far beyond simple rivalry formed. While both were brilliant students, her brother usually “beat” her in terms of grades by only the slightest margins. Caroline, in an effort to differentiate herself from her brother and achieve great feats for recognition elsewhere, took to becoming a martial and weapons expert, a field she excelled in whereas her brother did not. Caroline did not gloat, but took great pride in this accomplishment of hers. Her relationship with her brother still is not stellar when they set out for Andromeda, but it improves slowly after he stabilizes.

(jesus i just blabbered a lot there, didn’t i....)

Projected BFF (The squad mate who isn’t bae but you always take):

Jaal probably. He’s respectful and polite and considerate, so I think she’d appreciate him a lot.

Dreams/Hobbies/Likes:

Caroline wants her efforts and accomplishments to be acknowledged, respected, and remembered. She is fully dedicated to the Andromeda Initiative, and wants to see it succeed and thrive. She wants to do as much as she can to achieve this.

She’s pretty lonesome in her hobbies. She doesn’t like to go out of her way to socialize, and prefers to be alone. She likes to work on guns and weapons, personalizing and enhancing them in damage output and aesthetic. She also enjoys researching with Lexi (primarily Kett and Angara genetics) and writing and reading papers in her spare time. Occasionally, she gardens and plants, but feels mildly guilty in doing so because she thinks the activity indulgent and non-beneficial to others as a whole.

She likes all variety of meats and does not drink.

Fears/Dislikes: Failure, becoming like her father, becoming close to others, forgetting her mother.

Underperforming, excessive attention, the colour green, and sugary foods.

Other (What else should we know about your Ryder):

Lesbian. The most like her father out of all her siblings, something she refuses to realize/acknowledge. Not very social, emotionally distant and lonely, incredibly intelligent, a deadly shot, comes off as cold, actually just awkward in many a social situation. Probably depressed, to a degree. Not artistically inclined at all. Secretly names her personalized guns. Spends probably way too much time working on them. Enjoys fighting and weapon work more than she’s willing to admit, more so than her scientific work, and feels guilty in this, like she’s letting her mother’s memory down.

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DAMN THAT TOOK A WHILE OKAYYYY THAT’S ITTT

might change some stuff about them later/expand on some things but this works for now~!!