#&&.┊what i gave up to get was bittersweet → imagery

[starry-eyed-never-satisfied]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game: 😅 🤡 🛒 🍦🤗🧠🤲✅🤯 sorry if this is a lot lol

No worries I love asks and talking about my writing, so the more the merrier!

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

The only one I really feel weird about is Tonight I Wanna See It In Your Eyes. Just cause it's so short and doesn't go into enough detail on what I was trying to portray. I did it for writers month and tried to write it in a day, which I can't do. I love the idea though and I fully intend to expand it more one day.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Driving On Down The Road and reason why Butt Fuck Nowhere is called that, and the whole of 100.000 Years, it's just so silly, but I really can picture them having that whole interaction.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Always angst, I can't help it. Paul's sensitivity and vulnerability, Gene's tough but caring.

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

Hold Me. No smut, just Paul in a dark place and Gene not knowing how to help, but still being there for him.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Don't feel like you need to start from the beginning. Write whatever it is that has inspired you, whether it be a scene or phrase. If you get to a bit where you want a particular thing to happen but don't know how to write it just type insert smut here or insert fight here or whatever and go on to the next bit. After you've written the stuff you're confident with it's much easier to fill in the gaps.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Here's a bittersweet head cannon about Paul and Ace for you. Neither of them will admit it, but they were close, and after Peter left they became closer. Paul didn't want Ace to leave and tried to keep him happy, even drinking with him on occasion. But he didn't want to get blackout drunk like Ace did, so it wasn't very successful. The pictures from The Elder/Creatures period, where they are holding onto each other - that's Paul silently saying don't go. But it was inevitable. And everything they have said since then comes from a place of hurt.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Because you liked Let Me Know so much, this is a follow up to it, called Far From The House And The Family Fights in which teenage Paul has a fight with his parents and runs away to Gene.

“We received a letter from school today, Stanley.”

Stanley.  That meant he was in trouble.  Even so, Paul rolled his eyes and headed towards his room.

“You are not going anywhere, young man!”

Stanley and young man.  He was in a shitload of trouble!

 “You are going to stay here and explain yourself!  You are on the verge of failing.  You haven’t done any homework and have been missing classes.  You’ve been drawing . . . penises in your schoolbooks.  And you told your teacher you didn’t need school because you are going to be a . . . rock star?”

Oops.  He hadn’t mentioned that particular ambition to his parents yet.

“What happened to you?” asked his father.  “You had so much potential.”

“God gave you this wonderful brain and you’re not using it,” said his mother.

Paul had heard this so many times before, and this time he lost it.

“Did he give me this stupid fucking ear too?  Because I’ll happily trade my brain for a real one!”

“Stanley Eisen!  Mind your language!”

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Angst! Even when I try to write something happy or funny the angst creeps in. I don't want Paul to be unhappy all the time.

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Fight scenes. Arguments I can do, but when it comes to the physical stuff I struggle. While I believe these guys probably did get into punch ups occasionally, I can't really visualise them, I've only seen fights on tv and we know how realistic those are lol

[sakuraswordly]

Taylor: It feels like we have such a long way to go.

Punch: I know. I knew that very well but look how far you have come.

Joy: I just don't think, I can do it.....

Taylor: So what's a place to call home?

Sonic: Sometimes your mind plays tricks on you, it can tell you you're no good, that's all hopeless just like you see in here and now. Joy.

Punch: But I've discovered this: you're loved and important and bring things that no one else can to this world.

Punch hugs Taylor and tries to open her to the light. In Taylor's mind, Sonic hugs Joy as well.

Punch: So hold on.

Taylor: I finally discovered what I wanted to convey to the world....it was there from the beginning....I've always had a theme, and it's always brought about positive results......I didn't have to change anything.....All I care about is creating. Whatever I want to create, I create with my sense of beauty around me. Whatever I find intriguing, I grasp with my own hands. That's why....

Like Taylor Swift, Our Universe Has Gone Through Many Different Eras

While Taylor's Eras Tour explores decades of music, our universe’s eras set the stage for life to exist today. By unraveling cosmic history, scientists can investigate how it happened, from the universe’s origin and evolution to its possible fate.

TAS Rights Management/Getty Images

When I reached out my hand and touched you a single high note came into my heart we watched the sky getting dark together and the world which continues everywhere was calling

By falling in love and learning pain we become human beyond the night you cried resound the cymbals of time

I surely believe that our karma which is drawn in the sky plays the song of love the tears of the red moon, quiet music as if to share the light with each other

To stay alive— Why does that simple karma bring pain instead of happiness? I’m always dreaming of quiet music to reach the distance where I sleep with you

Source: Red Moon Music: Yuki Kajiura Lyrics: Yuki Kajiura

Taylor: Where are the lights........I can't see anymore......

Punch: Success isn’t the end, and failure isn’t the end either. What matters is the courage to keep going. And you did it very well. So please don't throw yourself to the darkness again.....

Taylor: You really are a white horse.....

For a moment, Ms. Swift was out of the woods she had created for herself as a teenager, floating above the trees. The future was within reach; she would, and will, soon take back the rest of her words, her reputation, her name. Maybe the world would see her, maybe it wouldn’t.

But on that stage, she found herself. "I was there". Through a fuzzy fancam, I saw it.

And somehow, that was everything.

Taylor Swift: This song is about my band, and my producer, and all the people who have helped us build this brick by brick. The fans, the people who I feel that we are all in this together, this song talks about the triumphant moments that we’ve had in the last two years

Swift dedicated "Long Live" to her bandmates and fans. The lyrics celebrate moments of triumph in the narrator's life, featuring royalty (kings and queens) and high school imagery ("You traded your baseball cap for a crown / And they gave us our trophies / And we held them up for our town") to describe the accomplishments in life. The narrator describes herself as a queen who, with a king by her side, fights dragons to protect her kingdom. Swift also acknowledges that her triumph will fade some day, and there are bittersweet and poignant moments ("If you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name"). Towards the end, Swift sings, "Will you take a moment / Promise me this / That you'll stand by me forever," which Billboard interpreted as her message to her fans. Perone commented that the lyrical theme of overcoming odds to achieve victory, coupled with the "near anthem-like structure", resembles David Bowie's 1977 classic "Heroes". Brittany Spanos from Rolling Stone agreed with this interpretation, saying that "Long Live" throws back to "Heroes" by how "it portrays two lovers who have amicably parted ways but not without leaving an unforgettable mark on one another"

Taylor: I don't have to be afraid of darkness in my heart anymore. We’ve had times where we just jump up and down, and dance like we don’t care how we’re dancing, and just scream at the top of our lungs, “How is this happening?”

Warning ⚠ Spoiler

I would like to share this because this scene is very important. Every human being wants true happiness. This is the pride of being happy.

And, I feel very lucky to even have had one of those moments, nonetheless all the ones that I got to have. ‘Long Live’ is about how I feel reflecting on it. This song for me is like looking at a photo album of all the award shows, and all the stadium shows, and all the hands in the air in the crowd. It’s sort of the first love song that I’ve written to my team.

"Does happiness disappear when you become an adult...?"

But it's okay. Any emotion will surely become a treasure...

Punch successfully fully heals Taylor's heart with Sonic coming inside her mind and saving her from anxiety and joy to make Taylor feels Joy again. Punch and Sonic watch Talor from afar wondering how greatest she will create for the world and herself in the future. "Long Live" is just the start of her new beginning of life.

[tacticalhimbo]

📻📻📻 + laverne pls my angel 🫶🏻

Send me 📻 + an oc and I'll give you a random song off their playlist + an explanation of why it's there

hell yea 🫶🏻 she does actually have a playlist so this is a BREEZE.

how about now // grandson & phem [play]

this is one of those like. bittersweet kinda songs. it's optimistic in its lyrics! but it's also just kinda depressing in the sense it comes from a place of feeling absolutely hopeless because of your surrounding circumstances. in this song specifically, because of the town you're in.

and that is a core theme in laverne's characterization. or i'd like it to be. the fact los santos gave her everything (re: when her parents moved and her father's business took off) but also took everything (re: the expectations placed on her, quite literally taking her father's life, her mother not wanting to stay and actually care for laverne and moving back overseas, etc etc). it's worn laverne down to a point where her recklessness and hands on approach isn't just wanting things done right. it's lowkey a like… cry for help. a "if i die, i die" kinda thing.

dkla // troye sivan & tkay maidza [play]

aka "don't keep love around". i like the imagery in the song in regard to both partners. the meshing of traits and the stark contrast of personable(?) attraction and sexual attraction.

and for relating it to laverne… kinda bridging off the last answer but!! in the more interpersonal/interconnected sense. los santos hardened her, and she's like… in a weird place when it comes to relationships. especially the idea of romantic ones. sexual flings and relationships are different because there's not really this expectation of long-term emotional intimacy. you do what you do and go your own ways.

but that's not all that laverne wants out of life. she wants to get close to people (and likely has tried), but her lifestyle and the city get in the way, and more often than not she ends up intentionally creating a distance and pulling herself away from people to spare everyone the pain. which. doesn't work really. but it's just how it is.

full metal whore // lord of the lost [play]

don't really have an in depth analysis for this one. i just love the energy of the song and think it fits JLSFAJLDJF. the meshing of sex and violence through the lyrics is just... GOD. so good. i always love that sort of theme in things. but since i don't have any more to add i'll include some lyrics.

I have no meaning I lost three times in a row Go point an shoot Go! And chop my arms off right now (Go!) And fuck my body to death (Go!) Sit on my face, don't let me go! And let choke

Baby, learn to swallow Baby, let it go Baby, I won't follow Now Baby, let it go!

I want it all and I want more Full Metal, Full Metal Whore Let's fuck and fight Make Love, Make War Full Metal, Full Metal Whore

[orionisokay]

Just a warning this poem is about my struggle with adolescent abuse and neglect going in to adulthood and how it still affects me on a daily basis. For me I use august to refer to imagery as the afterlife, whatever that may be, but in the middle of the poem I try to bring it around to how even though I feel that way I still try to push through life despite my own fears of having a fulfilling life. I really hope someone reads this and resonates with it and if not I would really appreciate any honest feedback.

August:

i just want you to love me,

like I thought you were supposed to.

like a mother loves a child

what do I have to do?

i wish to wake up in august,

in the days when I was younger.

i’d wake up in a panic and see you in a daze,

you’d tell me, ‘it’s just a dream child’

then wipe the tears off my face.

it’s like the angels are calling,

like god gave me grace,

but I’m saddled with the knowledge that mothers love their children,

but not in every case…

and while you hold me so closely,

i would soon realize,

it wasn’t a dream though

and mothers tell lies.

i’m supposed to trust people,

but in stead trust my fears.

every one has an august,

but mine brings me to tears

because while mothers love their children

and can often be kind.

some mothers are lost,

with nowhere to lie,

i know you were just a child when you held me in your arms,

but i was just a baby,

what set of the alarms?

because nine year olds become adults

and angers bittersweet.

not all poems get an ending,

and this one’s not a treat.

not all mothers love their children,

though they try and try and try,

but all children love their mothers

until august comes,

and august only come when they……

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Rewrite Is a Go

I don’t know how I ended up here because I’ve always maintained that rewrites aren’t my thing (and I still kinda do) because it feels a lot like reading the same thing over and over again and to me it can be annoying. Yet, here I am with my very own Winx Club rewrite.

I started writing the first episode today but I have A LOT planned out already. Seasons 1 and 3 are pretty solid already even if there is still a lot of character work to be done and logistics to be figured out. I also have some structure for seasons 2 and 4 and I figured out the backstory of the Wizards of the Black Circle yesterday and that gave me an indescribable feeling which is pretty much what I took as a sign that it’s time to talk about this project.

To explain what I am doing - I am taking everything and changing it while keeping it the same. If that doesn’t make sense, then imagine that I am keeping the major plot points and most of the episodes (I have removed some because they are just irrelevant) have the same starting and ending point as they do on the show but there are big changes between those. Seasons 5, 6 and - you’ll find out in a sec - are going to have a lot more changes. I have removed transformations and switched around some of the transformations so that they are earned at a different point than in canon. I have picked a place to end this already and I have arcs for each season.

Now when it comes to the seasons, I have removed season 7 which will be done as a “movie” and will have additional plot still because there really is THAT little to season 7. Season 8 becomes season 7 in my rewrite and is the last and final season. It is the end of Winx’ journey and I think it is a satisfying end to a pretty long story. I am keeping the movies but:

1) There will probably be “movies” after seasons 1 and 2 as well just to make the structure make sense and because I feel like there is enough to be talked about between the seasons.

2) SotLK is majorly different from canon because there was no sense to that movie and only plot holes instead. I’ve saved what was salvageable from it and mostly put it in season 3 to free the whole movie for more interesting and logical stuff to happen. The end goal is the same, though - bringing Marion and Oritel (and Domino) back.

3) Magical Adventure is the least changed but there will be several changes here as well. The plan is to make the movie relevant on a wider level than just to Winx and the Specialists but I still don’t have that clear a vision of it. Just some things that I want to see but need piecing together.

3) The “movie” after season 5 will deal with the season 7 plot instead. I have switched them around. There will be Kalshara and Griffin and Faragonda and some major Bloom drama as well. I need to make these pieces connect, too, but this one feels almost coherent at the current time.

4) Politea is saved for the last movie that is after season 6. You’ll see why. Anyway, major Daphne and Bloom feelings are planned for that movie... and I don’t know what else yet. We’ll see.

I am currently working on all of the seasons and all of the movies at once so it is a bit of a mess. I write down and rewrite ideas. Everything is one big map in my head that isn’t completely translatable to someone else. Anyway, you can find everything I have posted about this in the “wc rewrite” tag. You can ask me questions if you have them and I’ll see how much I’ll share while trying to resist the urge to spoil everything because I have been at this for about 5 months now and I have so many ideas that I adore and want to talk about. Despite that I have no idea how quickly I can work on it. This is bound to take years which was the hardest part of this project for me to reconcile with but I really want to do it. So let’s see how that goes.

I want to say that I am planning on doing one episode a chapter but because I have decided to both develop the characters and be self-indulgent, that will make the chapters long. I don’t think that they are devoid of tension or action, however, because this thing is packed with so much stuff happening. Here’s a little sneak peak from the first episode:

“Bloom, honey, wake up,“ Vanessa’s mellow voice reached her through the colorful explosion into which her dream was retreating.

“Just five more minutes, mom,” Bloom mumbled as she wormed her head under the pillow to block out the interruption. She reached for the fairy princess in her dream with hair of liquid light and a touch like sinking through the reflective surface of a mirror that showed none of Bloom’s own features to her. She’d lose not just the way but her own self if she let go of the figure in front of her.

“You’ll be late for school, sleepy head.”

The woman evaporated in a heap of steam with a nasty hissing sound that rattled Bloom’s bones as she jumped into bed. Vanessa’s apologetic smile came into focus to draw a groan out of Bloom’s parched throat as she threw her head back.

“Not funny, mom,” Bloom grabbed her fallen pillow from the floor and plopped herself back down on her mattress, eyes wide open as the image of the fairy burned in her mind. “I wanted to see where she’d lead me!”

“Who?” Vanessa sat down on the edge of the bed.

“The fairy from my dream,” Bloom covered her eyes with her free hand to narrow her focus to the woman. “I’ve seen her before, I just...” she threw the pillow next to her on the mattress. “I can’t remember where.”

“Well, I’m not surprised. You’ve read every book on fairies that you could get your hands on. It’s only natural that they’ve started blurring together,” Vanessa chuckled.

“Yeah, but it’s not that.” Bloom shot up once again, her vision spinning for a moment from the sudden action. “She’s not a character. She’s something... someone else.” She twisted a strand of hair around her finger looking for the warmth enveloping her at the presence of the mystery fairy. It couldn’t be the first time she’d dreamed about her but she couldn’t recall more than that. “Grandma always said that dreams are important.” Another reason not to let go of the fleeting imagery in her head.

“I’m pretty sure she meant the other kind of dreams,” Vanessa’s amusement was more of a ghost itself now that Bloom had mentioned the newest loss in their family. It was her who had to stay open and talk to Bloom about Mike’s mother when he froze every time the topic was brought up until Bloom could no longer bear to cause him that. “Did you finish your art project last night? I sure hope it was inspiration that kept you up so late and not the lack of it.”

Bloom beamed despite the deflection. “I did!” She jumped out of bed as her mom made space for her to launch herself at her desk where her masterpiece was covered by stray sheets to keep her parents from peeking without her there to see the reactions. Finals had really inserted themselves in all areas of her life–including dreams–to throw a wrench in her works. Finishing a drawing she’d been sitting on for over a month had let her breathe fresh air again. “Here it is.” She pulled two sheets from the pile. “This is the sketch I did during spring break.” She’d spent a whole day wandering Gardenia looking for the building to put her vision into. “And here is the one I’ve reimagined.”

Vanessa gasped, hands flying to her mouth as her eyes gleamed with unformed tears. Not unlike her response to Bloom’s first steps in art back when she’d been three but, somehow, her reactions had developed to match Bloom’s growing skillset without giving undue credit.

Bloom’s heart swelled in her chest with pride boosted by the trust she had in her mom. Her work was almost complete now that it’d accomplished the desired effect with one parent. She’d been in awe herself by the alterations she’d made to Earth architecture to make it elaborate and alien enough for a fantasy... something. She still couldn’t decide what format she wanted to create her world in. Comics were a handy option but a vision of an elusive deal for a TV show still reared its head every time she reached for a pencil and a blank sheet of paper. And there was, of course, the popularity of video games accompanied by her lack of skills or contacts when it came to coding. There was always one more step to the door of her fairy utopia but she had to focus on the art for now.

“I hope that keeping this up will be easier after school is done stifling my inspiration,” Bloom chewed on her lip as she waited for her mom to collect herself enough to give the verdict of whether a summer job was about to take over that function now.

“Uninspired? You?” Vanessa shook her head in disbelief. “Honey, you have the imagination to create worlds and I am sure that one day you will,” Vanessa reached out cautiously towards the museum Bloom had created for her fantasy world. Her fingers barely brushed the paper to leave no traces of their presence and the bittersweet look on her face was too much for Bloom to stand. Her art was not meant to be an untouchable monument. It was supposed to be a temple, a home. Maybe her yearning had come through too well.

[miniscule-meow]

G/t Story: Chapter Eleven

Prologue/ One/ Two/ Three/ Four/ Five/ Six/ Seven/ Eight/ Nine/ Ten/ Chapter Eleven/ Twelve 

(Isabell and Quinn)

Chapter Warnings: Death mention, like seriously a lot of death is mentioned in this chapter; talk of dehumanization, Mild language

Over the course of a several days, Isabell slowly gets better. The medicines the human gave them is really helping to fend off the infection, just like he said it would. The soup that he made was delicious, but Quinn mostly saved that for Isabell, and elected to stick with her crackers and cheese. The infection seems mostly gone now, and the fever is broken. As of right now, Isabell is still too weak to risk a trip back into the human’s apartment. Though it’s no longer infected, the wound on her leg is still very much present. Quinn actually had to give her a couple stitches, which was something challenging for the both of them. They spend the days together, when Quinn isn’t out borrowing. To pass time, they talk, sharing stories and memories, good and bad.

“So, what’s your story?”

“hm?” Isabell looks over to Quinn, who’s taken her usual spot by the table, doing maintenance on her borrowing equipment. 

“What’s your story? Like, what happened to you, how did you get here?”

“Oh. Um… Well, It’s not really a happy story.” Isabell mumbles.

“No offense or anything, but I didn’t expect it to be. Mine’s messed up too, if that’ll make you feel better.” Quinn shrugs, fidgeting with her grappling hook. 

She purses her lips in thought, considering the best place to start. “I lost my mother when I was 16,” Isabell begins slowly, having never unpacked these memories with anyone before. “She got sick, but it happened really fast. My dad thought it might have been poison in the water or something in the food, so we had to scrap all of our resources and begin fresh, just to be safe. Then um… my brother…. Isaac,” She hasn’t spoken his name out loud in years. Tears quickly spring to her eyes, she tries to fight them as she continues her story. “He was 17 I was 19… almost 20. Um, he fell into a mouse trap. I’ll never know why he got that close to it. I- I told him not to and… I guess we were just young, and we thought we were invincible but… um. I watched him… He got… he.” She takes a long pause, visibly distraught.

“You don’t have to-” Quinn begins gently, but Isabell shakes her head, wiping at her eyes. She takes a deep breath to compose herself before continuing.

“It pretty much snapped him in half… Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can still see it happening, in slow motion. I remember the sound I-” She shakes her head, clearing her mind of the imagery. “The worst part is, I had to pull him out, so the human wouldn’t find him when he checked the traps. I couldn’t eat anything for days afterwards. Um. It … it was a couple months later when my dad decided we should move. It was bittersweet. Those walls held so many memories, having to leave that behind really hurt. But it was safer to get away from that human. That was the plan, at least… but we got caught. I remember my dad shoving me to safety yelling ‘Go! Go!’ I turned around, only to see a hand, wrapping around him, and lifting him up and I … I ran. I never got to say goodbye to any of them.”

“Damn.” Quinn mumbles. A heavy silence hung in the air.

“Then I found the pet store. I thought it would be safe because it was so loud and messy. Food was easy to come by, and there were a lot of places to hide but… I was wrong. There were two humans that ran the store, their names were Sal and Eddie. Um… everything was fine until it wasn’t, you know? I got caught and … so much happened so fast after that. They… um… I’ll just say that I’m pretty sure the only reason I’m alive right now, is because they thought they could make a lot of money off of me. Uh. Then Ezekiel and Marcus came in. They took me home and for the first time in… years… it really felt like things were getting better instead of getting worse…. That’s … pretty much it. I’ve been talking for too long. It’s your turn.”

“That’s really heavy, dude.” Quinn says with a grimace. Isabell simply shrugs, but she has a hollow look on her face.  

“It’s um. you go. It’s your turn.” Isabell repeats. 

“Alright uh lets see…” She sets her hook on the table, fidgeting instead with the torn hem of her cape as she talks. “My parents got caught while they were out borrowing. I was just a kid when it happened, like 12 or so. My sister was only 15 herself. Uh, her name was Willow. The human promised that they would keep them safe, that they wouldn’t hurt them or do anything to them. Obviously, that quickly turned out to be a big fat lie, because they were thrown into a cage. Like a pair of hamsters or something. I know that was only part of the hell that they were put through. I remember seeing them, they were practically covered in bruises. Um. My sister and I tried to rescue them but, we couldn’t do it. There was some kind of lock on the cage and” she shakes her head, balling up the end of her cape in her fists, “It’s crazy… I can clearly remember the cage they were sitting in… but I can’t remember their faces. That’s such bullshit!” She yells. Unlike Isabell, she doesn’t cry. She just gets angry. “I wish I could have been stronger, or braver or just…. Better, and then I would have been able to help them. I could have-“

“Hey. Don’t beat yourself up. You were twelve.” Isabell interjects, trying to calm her down. “I know how you feel. I wish I could have done something to save my brother, but at the end of the day it’s in the past. There’s nothing you can do to change it now.” Quinn huffs, letting go of her cape, taking a breath before continuing.

“They told us that they loved us, but that we needed to leave them behind and find somewhere safe. I didn’t want to go, not without them. I almost got my sister and I caught by the giant too, trying to get them out. My sister had to drag me away from them. I’d like to believe that they’d gotten away on their own. But … a part of me just knows that they died there. The human probably just got bored with them one day and, well, the rest is history. Or their still alive... being tortured every day I-” She shakes her head, her brow knitting together in frustration, “I’d rather imagine them dead, than imagine them still trapped there... Ah now that I’ve said it out loud that sounds really messed up, I’m sorry.” 

There’s a long pause. She picks up her grappling hook once more, messing with it before beginning again. “After that, we lived in a small borrowing community. We lived there for years actually. It was fine for a while, like you said, until it wasn’t. Out of the blue one day, this weird thick gas flooded our home. I couldn’t breathe. No one expected it. I guess the humans began to grow suspicious of mice or something, and they hired an exterminator. There was absolute chaos. Everyone was trying to get out, people were collapsing all around me.  Somewhere in the middle of it all, I got separated from my sister. I… I had to climb over collapsed bodies to get myself out alive…. I have no way of knowing if one of those bodies was Willow. I just know that I’ve never seen her again.” 

She scowls at the floor, once more wishing she could have been stronger, that she could have saved her loved ones. “Um. So, yeah. I found this place and I’ve been here ever since. The humans come and go. The guys here now are about the third set of humans I’ve seen living here since I’ve moved in… I guess we’re both kind of messed up, huh.”

“…yeah.” Isabell gives a half-hearted chuckle.

This was the first time either of them had been able to actually talk any of these things out. They both look at each other with a different sense of respect after this conversation.

[ollie-ollie-oxenfreee]

{{ Fanfic asks! 💖👀📥📝💭🍰👩‍🏭 (I hope that isn't too many! If it is ,just do the first however-many-you're-comfy-with.)

Thank you so much! <3

💖 - What do you like most about your own writing?

I've always been proud of my imagery! A lot of my favorite writers growing up used very vivid, descriptive details and I've worked really hard to emulate that style in my own work. :)

👀 - Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

Oh boy so many

My Google Drive is full of little snippets of writing that will probably never go anywhere but are nice to keep around to reread every now and then. The biggest abandoned WIP that I can think of is probably my Team 69 Friendship Shenanigans fic - I just couldn't get the characterization right and lost my passion for it after a while.

📥- What is your fave fic to receive comments / messages on?

Ooo, this is an interesting question! I would say either remade all the time, made new or kiss with a fist - they were both so fun for me to write, I love seeing readers' reactions to them. I'm always really happy to see comments on then came the morning too - it was a bit of a struggle to write and I almost abandoned it, but I'm proud of the finished work.

📝- What is one growth area you have for your writing?

Definitely plot structure - I am terrible at planning and write almost exclusively spur-of-the-moment stories that end up being a little disorganized and jumbled.

💭 - What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

My favorite headcanon to include in post-canon fics is that Gideon becomes a sort of older sister figure to the kids of whatever base / settlement / village she and Harrow find themselves living on. She doesn't really know how to interact with them at first but they love her. She teaches them to fence (safely, with proper training gear and much gentler encouragement than Aiglamene gave her) and is super proud of all of her students.

🍰 - Name one of your fave comfort fics

@thepipistrellepapers 's Necromantic Grad School AU is a longtime favorite of mine - I regularly reread Like Songbirds in the City Air, it's so bittersweet and lovely

👩‍🏭- If one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

Hmm, I'm not sure if any of my fics are super incriminating, but I think the daemon AU might be the darkest / most violent

[decretum565]

Dear Madoka Magica,

I didn’t really know how to write this letter, as my feelings towards you are too passionate and complex to simply describe in words. You’ve been such an influence on me in so many different regards, and I guess I’m going to attempt to explain how. I first discovered you a couple years back, when you made a top ten list that popped up in my YouTube recommendations. Naturally, it was THE scene that everyone knows was on there, and I was speechless. My reaction was akin to “D-Did she just—Her head—Did she . . .” And you get the idea. That’s where it began, but it didn’t end there.

So I looked into the show a bit more, and there was something disturbingly fascinating about it. I’ve never cared very much about spoilers, but even so I barely understood all of the plot details. Something about you was so mysterious, and I was a bit nervous to discover more. Eventually, I stopped looking for information, as my interests shifted to other things. But I never actually forgot about you.

Fast forward about two years, and I sit down and think about what anime I should watch. I wasn’t very deep into the rabbit hole at the time, and all of a sudden you crossed my mind. I tried to consider other options but you stuck out to me, Madoka Magica.

And so I watched all twelve episodes. I cried six times.

I’m absolutely serious. I adored you from start to finish. As soon as I was able to, I watched Rebellion, and thoroughly enjoyed it as well (though not as much as I do now). I was obsessed, to put it likely. A year later, I rewatched you, and had an even greater appreciation and the spark rekindled. I tracked down fan-art, fan-fiction, analysis videos and internet posts . . . I loved you.

I loved your narrative. The way that everything pieced together, how you were able to be so complex and dark and yet still so hopeful. The way some scenes were directed and written blew my mind, and every episode felt like three minutes instead of twenty-three. I loved the twists and turns you would take me through, as if I was in an actual Labyrinth. I loved your pacing and symbolism and everything in between. I loved your dialogue, with philosophical conversations that felt believable and analytical and just so incredible.

I loved your characters, so, so much. Madoka and Sayaka were two characters that have many aspects I deeply identify with, and even so I still adore them. I was reminded of younger me with Madoka, how inadequate she felt and awkward she was. Sayaka is still one of my favorite characters in media. She had so many layers to her, with her depression and rambunctiousness, optimism and nihilism, just everything about her was incredible. I loved Kyoko to the same amount as Sayaka. Her introduction scene was fantastic, and she just kept getting more and more complex as time went on, leading to one of the most heartbreaking outcomes with her and Sayaka in episode nine. She had such a personality, and her dynamics with the other characters were a lot of fun to watch. I loved Mami, and her desire for companionship, which added so much background to how she responds to others, how she trusts others until they interfere, and one small mistake can cost her dearly. I loved Homura, how she never gave up, never stopped fighting. How she wasn’t all good or all bad, just traumatized and detached to a scary degree. I loved how you thought of her as strange, scary, mysterious, and then the truth is revealed and everything you thought you knew is recontextualized. And, yes, I loved to hate Kyubey. He’s one of my favorite antagonists for a reason.

I loved the art, the animation, the design and the style. How one moment you could be in a normal anime setting, and then use horrific imagery in the Labyrinth scenes. I loved how they differed from one another, based on themes and strategy and tragedy that you can theorize about infinitely.  I loved your music. Yuki Kajiura’s soundtrack gave such emotion and beauty to the series, and I can’t even list all of the tracks that I adore (Also sorry for misspelling, I tried). Serena Ira, Decretum, Conturbatio, Symposium Magarum, Absolute Configuration, Confessio, Sagitta Luminis, Innevitabilis, Puella in Somnio, Incertus, Encounter, Mada Dame Yo, Credens Justitiam, Venari Strigas, Nuquam Vincar, Surgam Identidem, Salva Terrae Magicae, Pugna Infintia, and so, so many more. And, of course, who can forget Sis Puella Magica! ClariS and Sho Watanabe, I loved Connect, Luminous, and Colorful. And Yuki Kajiura and Kalafina, I loved Magia, Mirai, Hikari Furu, Misterioso, and Kimi no Gin no Niwa. They were all so incredible and I will always love them to bits.

And, finally, I loved your ending. I loved the hope, the bittersweet nature, all of you. How you inspired me to keep going, keep fighting through my own struggles, just to make it to another day. To manage to keep moving forward, no matter the hardships that might come. It was absolutely beautiful.

To say that you have changed my life seems like an understatement. I wouldn’t have the same taste in anime without you, let alone characters and movies and novels. I wouldn’t have played Magia Record or immersed myself in the fandom before it shut down. I wouldn’t have found Yuki Kajiura, who is without a doubt my favorite musical artist and composer ever. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.

It’s been ten wild years since you first aired, and a lot has changed. Politics, Anime, Literature, Music, just everything keeps going around and around without any end in sight. Some changes have been good, some have been bad, but you’ve survived and been remembered by quite a lot of people. Madoka Magica, you once told all of us that as long as we remember her, the one fighting for us, that we were not alone. That there was a light at the end of the tunnel. And with all of that said, I’ll end with this: Thank You, Madoka Magica. Thank you with all of my heart.

—Decretum

[lovejustforaday]

Album Review - Citrus by Asobi Seksu

Citrus - Asobi Seksu

Main Genres: Shoegaze, Dream Pop, Indie Pop

A decent sampling of: Twee Pop, Neo-Psychedelia, Noise Pop

In the conversation of greatest shoegaze and dream pop bands of all time, you usually hear a lot of the same names: My Bloody Valentine, Cocteau Twins, Ride, Slowdive, Beach House, or maybe even Mazzy Star. But one name that doesn’t get mentioned nearly as often as it should is Asobi Seksu.

Asobi Seksu were an American indie rock band consisting of songwriting duo Yuki Chikudate on vocals and keyboards, and James Hanna as lead guitarist, with a rotating rhythm section that changed from LP to LP. Critics never really gave them a fair chance, but to me they are the finest band to lead the wave of “nu-gaze” that took place over the mid-to-late 2000s.

While a lot of new shoegaze bands today are made up of younger millennials and zoomers who are very traditionalist in recreating the sounds of the original scene, the 2000s “nu-gaze” “““revival””” saw a lot of bands who wanted to expand the genre’s scope. “Nu-Gaze” bands usually fell into one of two cluster groups:

Cluster A was made up of bands incorporating prominent electronic elements to expand on the soundscapes of the original scene. Cluster B bands were making riff-heavy alternative rock that blended shoegaze guitar tones and walls of sound with clearer vocals and more distinct melodic structures, building more on the foundations of bands like Ride or Lush than the likes of MBV.

Asobi Seksu’s self-titled debut falls into the latter category, with a college-radio-esque record of mostly no-nonsense shoegaze and indie pop. It’s a pretty great record itself, but it wasn’t exactly career defining, and if it had ended there, I would say they were another above-average shoegaze band that I listen to mostly just cause they happen to make my favourite subgenre of music.

Something truly brilliant came after though. The band decided to embrace the more immersive dream pop + heavy shoegaze hybrid sound that defined most of the greatest bands of the original movement. But beyond that, the band retained their indie pop melodies and developed a vivacious, sanguine, high-energy formula that set them apart from a scene that had always mostly been defined by subtlety, introspection, and bittersweetness. The resulting album was Citrus.

True to its name, Citrus is a viscous smoothie concoction of saccharine and tangy flavours, expressed in the form of Yuki Chikudate’s frolicking vocal melodies and bright keyboard notes mixed with James Hanna’s roaring walls of sound. True to its cover art, the sonic colours of this record consist of vibrant shades of vermilion, tangerine, and daffodil. This LP is the sonic equivalent of the feeling you get from that first refreshing taste of ice cream on a hot summer’s day. A magnificently vivid experience all around.

A lot of shoegaze bands stick to very strict conventional rock instrumentation - drumkit, bass, and lots of guitars. Maybe an added string section on a song here or there for dramatic effect. But on Citrus, I hear not only the addition of Yuki’s keyboard leads, but also organs, xylophones, sleigh bells, and even toy pianos.

Citrus fades into view with “Everything Is On”, a 17 second ambient intro that sounds something like an arcade submerged in a swimming pool. Normally, I’m not particularly drawn to the trend of albums opening with these odd micro-tracks. This one instance really works however, because it contrasts ever so nicely with the bright, jangly opening guitars of “Strawberries“, the album’s proper introduction.

Speaking of, “Strawberries” is the sound of summer in full bloom, with a splendid pseudo-call-and-response riff that bounces like a yo-yo in between several intermissions of crushed shoegaze drone that feel not unlike dunking your head in a bucket of ice water. I love hearing what sounds like a rotary organ buried deep into the mix of those intermissions. The track ends brilliantly with a major tempo and rhythm shift into a rampant breakdown of manic rock instruments and festive celebration.

“Thursday” is the single greatest song of the 2000s “nu-gaze” revival, and indeed one of the very greatest indie rock songs of all time. A brief ghostly prelude foreshadows a blurry four minute burst of love and ecstasy, with one of the most pleasing choruses I’ve ever heard where Yuki offers the kindest words of concern “it seems you’ve lost your way, you’ve let it all fall apart”. This is the feeling of waking up at the end of a depressive episode and crying tears of joy as you gaze up at the sunny sky and realize that you're happy just to be alive. By the end of "Thursday”, I am completely smitten with the very notion of life itself.

The gentle strums of “Strings” open up into a sun-soaked daydream. Like on several other tracks here, Yuki uses English and Japanese interchangeably, allowing the sounds of her syllables to convey the necessary emotional imagery to non-bilingual listeners as she practically skips and hops her way through the song in an impressive display of vocal gymnastics. The wall of sound orchestrated at the end of this track is one of my all time favourites in the history of shoegaze and noise pop, like an enormous heatwave that hits you all at once.

The glorious midpoint and climax of Citrus is the seven and a half minute wonder “Red Sea”, a vision of a world that lies beyond the horizon while surfing the waves of a vast and foamy ocean. This track reaches monumental heights that I find particularly hard to put into words. What I will say is that this is second place to “Thursday” only by a small fraction, and it contains around the three minute mark one of the most captivatingly nostalgic melodies I’ve ever heard.

“Goodbye” is the sole occasion of a mostly straightforward indie pop song on this record, and its one of the sweetest breakup songs you’ll probably ever hear. “Lions and Tigers” is a distant meadow of dream pop that makes me feel like I’m a kid and I’m hugging my friend one last time before they move to another city. “Nefi + Girly” is like a follow-up to “Strawberries”, with another playful lead guitar riff and a dreamy keyboard lead that sounds like its splattering an empty canvas of indie rock with lively paint colours.

“Exotic Animal Parade” slows the record down for a brief melancholy ballad before exploding in a dream like it never even existed. “Mizu Asobi” emerges from the aftermath to finish off the record with one last beam of radiant joy before the festivities end with a bang.

As a footnote, I would like to add that, although they never count towards my final rating of a record, the bonus tracks/b-sides/etc. from the Citrus era are some of the best deep cuts ever released. Likewise, here’s some quick thoughts on those:

The band recorded two covers of two mid-20th century classics during this album cycle, including a twinkling, wistful haze rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “All Through The Day” as well as a giddy, fleeting noise pop cover of The Crystal’s “Then He Kissed Me”. Both are excellent examples of how to expand on their respective originals, reviving vintage pop classics with gorgeous soundscapes. There’s also the stand alone single “Stay Awake”, a sweeping end-of-chapter moment with some of the most excellent indie rock dynamics I’ve ever heard.

Like most people these days, Loveless was my first shoegaze record and my formal introduction to one of indie rock’s most elusive subgenres. It was good enough at the time to make me listen to a few more shoegaze bands, but Citrus was the record that made me fall in love with the genre medium. It was Citrus that allowed me to go back and fully appreciate Loveless as the masterpiece that it is, and later fall in love with other brilliant shoegaze records like Souvlaki and Ceres & Calypso In The Deep Time.

This album was also the unofficial soundtrack to most of my time as an undergrad. It played on my bus rides into the city and during walks around campus downtown on those last few days of exams before the summer. It helped me more than any other record to get through the worst year of mental health in my life. I am endlessly fond of this beautiful work of art, and I am truly grateful for how Asobi Seksu managed to expand my horizons. This will forever be one of my favourite records. Happy 15th anniversary Citrus.

10/10

highlights: “Thursday”, “Red Sea”, “Strawberries”, “Lions and Tigers”, “Strings”, “Goodbye”, “Nefi + Girly”, “Mizu Asobi”, “New Years”, “Everything Is On”, “Exotic Animal Parade”

[staggeringsmite]

HELLO! just finished properly listening to your (amazing!) corruption arc playlist! I have many thoughts, and so I wanted to ask you about specific moments and/or characters that you associate with songs (as mentioned in your tags), as I am simply SO intrigued. (did you have certain songs that were added for certain character(s)? were any songs for specific what if's? etc.) also, please consider this a free pass to ramble about anything related to the playlist that you wish. it is SO excellent!!

AHHHH!! thank you jade (both for the compliment and the free space to yell about my thoughts here because when i get playlist brainrot i get it Bad <3) // the playlist in question

i think i'm genuinely going to do a song-by-song thoughts below the cut, but here are some overview thoughts/associations if you don't wanna read all of that or don't have the time!

overall this started with athena by nova twins! i thought the sp*der imagery and overall vibe was great for a more sinister look at the wacky (mostly) chaotic neutral party as they are, just going full lolth. i wanted the pacing to be semi-slow and then drop into the more rock-heavy reckless villain-y section before moving into a (?) bittersweet? i guess? end that feels a bit more like a question mark of if it was worth it.

i think this party is full of extremely interesting motivations to side with an evil power for their own gain/the benefit of the people they care about, and each one of them has a very complex relationship with that so things spun wildly out of control as a thought about this.

for songs i associate with specific characters here's an overview, but you'll notice there aren't a lot for fy'ra rai or orym which i get into a bit more in the song-by-song:

all: i come with knives, into the spin, steady/steady, control, bad dreams / lolth: million years, athena, diggers / dariax: diggers, plenty, hollow / dorian: athena, grenadine, dangerous / fearne: plenty, you should see me in a crown, black wave / fy'ra rai: home / opal: home, grenadine, black wave, you should see me in a crown / orym: i'm not calling you a liar, dangerous

song-by-song >:)

1. i come with knives (acoustic) - this song, zoowee, so i went with the acoustic version because i think it's a nice slow but sinister start and it very much gave me the feeling of whenever you begin as a character to question taking this kind of power, that is a Source yes that you can do whatever with but is rooted in temptation and associated with evil, is there any real justification for that which is not in some part selfish. "i come with knives and agony to love you" if that isn't the chosen ones to a T in their overall reasoning for even considering a deal with lolth. and as much as that may be rooted in care, and wanting to be strong and powerful enough to protect the people they care about, it is a painful way to love when you really choose that path once and for all.

2. into the spin - this one is based on "slow climb but quick to descend" and i love the instrumentation as a part of the overall vibe, but it's about sowing the seed here. planting even a hint of consideration in accepting the power of the circlet and lolth's words is going to need time for the person to mull it over, but once it's on it is On baby.

3. million years - this is what i mean by All In Baby, and while it isn't the playlists narrative point of anyone actually accepting the power for good, it is a glimpse intended to shake things up after an 8 minute slow start with the first two songs, and this is all about lolth who is a Chaotic Evil entity, who is a reckless and hauntingly destructive force <3

4. home - "everything you made will end up broken" i think this song to fy'ra rai is more of an omen, of everything that she cannot fix but wants to, knowing that she cannot make choices for the group and seeing the potential path they could wind up on and knowing that fundamentally if they go that way it is their decision no matter how much it will hurt her - for opal there is SOMETHING about the tone of this song that feels very much like her, and the complete lack of care it seems to have to rattle off mundane things to the intimate drama of the place, to omens, to demands/declarations i think it shows her personality well and how that pairs with a chaotic neutral entity being offered something like the power of the circlet

5. steady, steady - idk if this is necessarily everyone but the mix of you know when you're ready and i am ready to be the one, this is the song about taking the leap and grabbing for power and/or fy'ra rai and orym's feelings of diving in with them or resisting/leaving them

6. diggers - for lolth this is just the consistent "i've been waiting for you" in the bg which i found fun and disconcering but also i think this is the perfect party and perfect storm for her to convince someone to use the circlets power >:) - for dariax! it seems with what we know he doesn't really know that he is a divine soul sorcerer? unless that is a show he is putting up. still, i feel like him carrying the circlet is Very interesting as someone with a divine bloodline who is in a way being given/chosen for that type of power holding onto this artifact born from evil and perhaps being tempted by it & i think this song works as an interesting back and forth for him with the strange double-entity grab for him in a way

7. athena - truly just a banger that fit the vibes wayyyy too well and started this whole thing, it's loud and reckless and out for blood babey <3 - i think i associate it with dorian mostly because i also associate it with lolth and he is the closest to really taking that leap in canon (and also probably the first one the go if we're following this playlist like a story with everyone/most everyone going corrupt, though it can be read truly infinite ways these are just compiled songs) i think it has a certain flair and appeal that just makes me Feel like it's the song that would play the second dorian puts the circlet on (which! fun fact! decreases your charisma by 2! have fun beloved bard!) - i think it's a very intense conversation

8. i’m not calling you a liar - okayokayokay it's orym thought time bc there are sooo many worlds and routes for orym here and i truly have no idea where he would even end up in this hypothetical. do i think that orym loves these guys and wants to protect them? yes. do i think that he may genuinely take the pain of loving them and keep his morals by walking away and/or turning on them if they all go evil? maybe. do i think he also might love them enough to throw that away? maybe. in a party of all chaotic neutrals besides him without fy'ra rai he is surprisingly the wild card here. while they have each other and no one else, he has the teachings and wisdom of the voice of the tempest and a moral compass that does not align with theirs at all. so, something has to give! dorian's slide into chaotic neutral was natural, but i think orym would be giving up Much More of himself to let himself slide from neutral good to chaotic neutral. i have no answers only sad, sad hypotehtical questions and scenarios so i will just, leave you with "and i love you so much, i'm gonna let you kill me." - this song also comes here before the storm of the 3-5 because whatever way he goes i think orym sees it all happen before anyone else does.

9. grenadine - Do Not Tell Me You Couldn't Hear villainous opal and dorian say the lines "what a big heart i have, i'll be your savior now. what a real catch i am, all the more to pull you down." - i see this song as playful but more genuine for dorian in terms of Truly Really believing any action he does to protect his friends is justified and good to him in his eyes whereas this is a very playful song for a villainous opal - they both give off this vibe strongly though (could see this one for fearne as well but don't have a good a justification)

10. black wave - helloooooo my favorite druid and warlock?? going apeshit with power? more so than they already are on a day-to-day basis (esp given episode 6 combat)? that's what this song is about. "stumbling down the street i swear to god you don't wanna test me" - i also think they both have an interesting question with "what do i believe?" with fearne being of the feywild which is a place of considerably different moral standing to exandria and opal being so young that she doesn't have the world figured out at all <3 terrifying and upsetting when you get into those questions on a corruption arc <3

11. you should see me in a crown - okay i knooooow this one is on the dorian playlist BUT vibes for my brutal babes <333 something about opal’s whole personality and fearne confronting the mirror self But eventually choosing/heading down the path anyway?? impeccable i love it there’s very few other thoughts here

12. control - OKAY not only does this song Fuck but i put it as party wide because i think it transitions nicely into the end of the mix which is more of the “questioning this decision after going all in but not being able to turn back/was it all worth it in the end?” part - i mostly love the “though i like the idea of providence... i’m in love with control” repeated because! i think the circlet is very interesting in that it has been iterated many times over that though it has connections to lolth and she has some claim/twisted abilities with it, it IS just a power source. so, the idea of going all in and accepting this power is an incredibly interesting dilemma of “who’s in charge here? did you really put it on/would you have without these dreams and lolth’s influence? are you really in control?” i think this song really represents that admission/delusion of control in this situation.

13. plenty - okay this song in any context is just my Feywild/Faerie Vibe song so i think this trails back to my feelings about fearne leaning into that different set of fey morals along a corruption arc, and as for dariax i think this is about abundance! following through that mixture of divine power source and chaotic evil god origin over dariax and his chaotic history of vast and varied experiences in emon, i think this very much befits a corrupt version of him.

14. dangerous - this song makes me insane, and the first reason i put it on the mix was the “the dead are true believers. rest assured. we are all believers” really just made me think of a terrible and cinematic moment of them discovering the circlet with the dead aboard the ship ESP in the context of this playlist’s narrative where that was the point they were destined to claim its power and go through their corruption arc - “how does it feel to be your own deceiver?” is the main reason and feeling as for why i made this a dorian song as well in line with “don’t worry i would do anything for my friends.” bc i personally find dorian’s corruption arc to be disillusioned with his own intentions and takes a lot of convincing himself that taking this power for his friends is noble in the scope of this group’s collective morals and self-interest in keeping each other safe and prosperous so <3

15. hollow - woowee dariax corruption, at least in this scope, i think is very frightening to me in that i think he’s going full maximalist, abundant, greedy, impulsive chaotic evil if we’re realllly leaning into a villain arc but still many of those things if we’re just going “this group is the only thing that matters and i’ll do anything for them no matter the cost” - i also think this song has a tone of resentment towards this? apprehension a bit? recognizing that this is how the person singing is but not entirely enjoying or feeling justified in it? as impulsive as dariax is, i think he cares A Lot, and is even a character i could see pulling a reverse dorian and going chaotic good in a different story than we’re in? “so simple when i was younger” and “i’d be a dancer of a different tune” really give me angsty dariax vibes in the height of his corruption arc

16. bad dreams - “don't you worry about your bad dreams cause I'm not in them. don't you worry about what change brings cause you can't stop it.” WOOF i don’t know that this one really needs to be explained but it’s the climax and the descent all in one of the party/corrupted individual being too far gone in their decision to step back or be saved. i think the tone of the song lends itself well to a mixture of uncaring but also giving some question to if they regret it or not based on the narration of the crowd against them.

[borkthemork]

Image Juxtaposition: SUF’s Old and the New in “Little Graduation”

Now, I have covered this previously in a post before about image/object symbolism regarding the cassette tape, but I don’t think I gave it much justice in giving reason to it; I didn’t give a strong reason to why this image seemed consistent with the concept of symbolism, and ever since rewatching it I’m more confident in deep-diving into this episode overall regarding discussing it.

So in this post, we will bring our focus to the dichotomy between the old and new imagery found in this episode, and how it plays a massive part in creating a wistful atmosphere for our main protagonist.

My sources on certain stuff will be reblogged for the sake of avoiding Tumblr sniping me off the tags, and let’s begin.

However, before we diverge into this whole post, we’re going to need a reference point on symbolism and its probability of existence. When it comes to analyzing pieces of media, I want to make sure that there’s a solid platform for my discussions relating to the possibility of certain themes, subjects, or other forms of a literary figure. 

For “Little Graduation” I want to make sure that these pieces of analysis have some grounding, so I decided to pull out a ‘Symbolism Consistency’ reference from a website we could use as we talk more about this episode (I’m just paraphrasing it).

1. Look at Descriptions

We have to look at the way they implement these images into the world. Sure, it could be seen as fewer than two times, but creators know that each scene has to be important in some way or another (and we know Crewniverse loves to give us small-scale and large-scale symbolism throughout the Steven Universe series). So if the symbol is given a moment of consideration or has been lost, then there’s something being said.

2. Look for Repetition

If the imagery goes along with a similar theme it is correlated to, there’s usually some form of consistency or emphasis in the use of its implementation.

3. Look at the Turning Points

If it happens at certain points or at high/low moments of the story, there’s definitely some form of focus onto what it means. The creators want the audience to hone in on it, and that’s where they particularly give that attention.

Now that we’ve gotten this stuff out of the way, let’s talk about “Little Graduation”!

The first thing we see with this episode is the use of the cassette tape.

The cassette tape is a piece of technology that has grown obsolete over time but is still one of the most prevalent connections to Steven’s childhood that we have: his dondai has a cassette tape player, he had Rose’s tape, he watched old shows like Lil’ Butler on a tape, there’s also the blast to the past with Mr. Smiley’s Big Donut tape. They bring him a lot of memories regarding his childhood and there’s a sense of nostalgia to them as well towards the audience since it connects us to the main show when Steven enjoyed them whole-heartedly as an adolescent.

However, we can note that in Steven’s universe, the cassette tape is growing a bit obsolete and it’s not just an occurrence in our own world. In the original series, we already know that laptops, phones, and other pieces of human tech are the norm, but in SUF and SU the Movie we can see that technology growing and improving.

The world is going faster with improvement. Older technology is truly getting pushed off as something deemed old.

It fits well with the theme of the episode when we implement it; the ability to move forward into the future, to allow people to choose their own paths now that new opportunities are being found and embraced. This is Steven Universe: Future, the theme of plans and change were bound to happen. 

Newer technology could be representative of Steven’s friends and colleagues pushing on to better things, to better objectives.

And Steven, in the role he had placed himself in, feels like he’s becoming obsolete, unneeded, just like a cassette tape. In episodes such as “Guidance,” he attempted to find another reason to help out, to assist in the best way he could because he wanted to be needed — that’s the role he mentally implanted into himself ever since he was a kid. The healer. The diplomat. The therapist. The helper.

What else could he find in himself now that the future is being rammed into him, especially with his current mental state?

So when the emphasis is placed on Steven deciding over whether to get the disc or the cassette tape, we have to analyze the abstract concept being portrayed rather than the literal. Yes, this boy has a cassette tape player — he had an easy choice to make with that context, but this scene gave him a choice.

Do you take the disc, the newer technology? Or do you take the cassette tape, the older technology?

Do you want the past or the future?

And he took the past.

However, what I find interesting is the way the cassette tapes are used with music.

Steven, at the beginning, is listening to Sadie Killer and the Suspects in jovial nature, before the big reveal of them departing was ever brought forth to him. Even if he didn’t get the notion that the band broke up, there’s still a connection to the past with the music, especially when it’s implied that Steven is listening to Sadie’s and Shep’s new music at the end of the episode.

Beats his fingers to the rhythm of the song too, so it’s a good chance that the positioning of these scenes parallel each other, especially Steven’s mindset from the beginning compared to the end of the episode.

Steven, while listening to the first song, was in a phase of comfort. He’s not thinking or contemplating much on a somber level but more so excited overseeing parts of his life still intact, such as the Spacetries business and seeing the band come back to Beach City.

It doesn’t help that the lyrics he’s listening to brings up terms such as teenagers — a term in the eyes of Sadie Killer and the Suspects as a past phase of their life now that they’re young adults.

But in the second scene, it’s more bittersweet.

The song “Looking Forward” — a song of going into the future and releasing the burdens of one’s baggage — is being played on a cassette, a piece from the past, a piece connected to a supposedly simpler time. There’s a contrast, a split amid these two concepts: what we’re witnessing is the moment Steven felt the cognitive dissonance between moving forward and his insistence on settling into the past.

It reminds him that people are moving on, and we already know that his mental paradigm is still stuck into the prior times, in the status quo, because in “Prickly Pair”, he’s still not over it. 

There are so many issues lying under the surface relating to it, but this boy created an identity over helping others, and now that people are walking forward because of his help, he has no one left to help push forward but himself, and that terrifies him. 

He has no idea how to start and he doesn’t even want to.

[chararii]

WIP DUMP 2020/2021

with a small fanfiction progress report (massive post inc)

It's been a long time since I posted anything but that's because I haven't really done much. Art, for me, is an incredibly time-consuming, frustrating and unrewarding experience. Everything I do, no matter how small, takes countless hours because I am striving for something I cannot achieve and my standards are, frankly, too high.

My biggest goal is to be able to draw like my favourite artist but that's simply out of my reach. As such I am stuck trying to imitate what he does without ever being happy about the results.

The artist is called wlop and while I'm sure that everyone has come across his work before, here is a link to his twitter:

https://twitter.com/wlopwangling

and his deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/wlop

I am subscribed to him on patreon and got access to the brushes he uses which are used in the images below. Despite being unsure if or when I will ever finish any of these, I thought I might as well share what I have.

The first one is Alextrasza the Life-Binder from the Warcraft universe. This one was meant to be a gift for a friend and still is, if I ever finish it.

The idea behind it is heavily Dark Souls inspired: as the world slowly dies, she gives herself to the flame in order to keep it burning for the rest of her brood.

I have no concept of lighting so it's all over the place but the idea was to cover it up as good as possible with some heavy colour/effect editing.

The next one is a larger image dump since it's more detailed. My favourite Harry Potter character is, and always has been, Andromeda Tonks with Narcissa a close second. I like to play with AUs a lot and the one I will maybe, eventually, explore in that fic I keep fiddling with is basically Black Matriarch Andromeda.

An AU in which she decided that no boy is worth abandoning her family for and as the eldest of the sisters (I swapped the ages around) and the Black family being a matriarchy, she eventually becomes Head of the family.

Since Helena Bonham Carter is my favourite actress and she played Bellatrix in the movies, I used her as the basis for Andromeda's face and sharpened her features a little, gave her a more prominent nose to try and achieve an inherently aristocratic look.

Other than that, there's lots of raven imagery since those feature on the family crest and I like ravens.

The last one is just a sketch but it's still a wip so. It's one of my Warcraft OCs for this massive Ancient Empire/Highborne worldbuilding project I am occasionally working on. It revolves around Azshara, Tyrande, Vashj and various others.

The idea for those images was something resembling a tarot card set. There are five cards, one for each of the most "important" characters.

The Queen for Azshara, the General for Tyrande, the High Priestess for Neviril (OC), the Handmaiden for Vashj and the Consort for Zashj (OC).

This one is the Consort.

And that's it. I don't know when/if I will finish either of these since I'm currently trying to get back into writing to wrap up some of these multichapter stories I started for some godawful reason.

As for my fanfiction works, I recently published a oneshot about Tsunade and Sakura who both suffer from the consequences of the war. It's somewhat bittersweet and I enjoyed exploring yet another interpretation/version of my favourite character Tsunade.

If you check it out, heed the warnings.

Dead In This House: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30928934

As for the rest, I am almost done with the 5th Changeling chapter and there should be 4-5 left after that.

The next bit for Beware, the Three is the Origin set which is a 3-parter much like the Summons set. Shizune's is first and should be done within a week or so.

As for Loyalty, I am still on the fence whether I want to tackle it now or later but the thought is there.

Into the Depths will be postponed until I cleaned up some of the above wips since that one is something I can't work on alongside other fics. It's tricky and complicated and requires all my attention and I'm not ready to commit to that until I feel like I wrapped up some of the other fics.

Now I'm done. If anyone actually reads this long-ass post I salute you. If any of the chapters I mentioned above get released I'll make a post here because this blog is dead enough as it is.

[elbracco]

LiS2 Fanfiction recommendation list - updated

I updated the ff list I made a few months ago. As before, if anyone has any suggestions to add, I’m all ears. I divided the stories into three categories (Post-ending, AUs and Missing Moments) and all the ffs on this list are either completed or still actively updated.

POST-ENDING

Blood Brothers: To Puerto Lobos - And Beyond! by SerratedCucumber, in progress. It starts as the brothers break into Mexico and follows them as they try to build a life for themselves. I swear that I hear Gonzalo and Roman every time that Sean or Daniel say something: the dialogue is that good. 11,000 words for now.

*

Lone Wolf: The One You Feed by zeldanerdster, in progress. This work follows the "Lone Wolf" path immediately after events unfold at the border. Following that, it will chronicle Daniel's experiences for as far as they take him in an effort to reconcile the various open-ended resolutions of Life is Strange 2. Because LW didn’t break our hearts enough. 20,500 words for now. Lone Superwolf by Dreamprism, in progress. The ff begins with Sean’s death at the border and aims to show how Daniel got from the car to the “six years later” scene. The fanfic is written from the perspective of Daniel Diaz, similar to how Sean shares his internal thoughts with the player throughout Life is Strange 2. 17,000 words for now.

*

Parting Ways: After by koldtbold, one-shot. Sean gets to Mexico, Daniel doesn’t. Sean has a lot to do and think about. What I love about this story is that there’s much bitter and little sweet, but like in the game there’s an undercurrent of optimism, a feeling that tomorrow can still turn into a better day. 6,000 words. When There’s Nowhere Else to Run, by Autumnyte, in progress. It begins right after Daniel yeets himself from the car and follows Sean as he tries to build a life for himself in Puerto Lobos. I told Autumnyte that this story feels like a blanket: it’s warm and comfortable. No matter what issues Sean has to deal with, there is a pervasive undertone of "tomorrow will be better" that I think really captures the spirit of the game. He is done running, and he can now start to look to the future with hope. 31,000 words for now.

*

Redemption:

The Bravest Wolf in the World by RoodAwakening, 2 chapters left. Ask anyone for reading suggestions, and they’ll inevitably point you to this story, for a reason. Sean finds out he can use his sketches to time-travel, much like Max did with her photos, prevents Esteban’s death, and has to deal with the consequences as he tries to navigate the new life he made for himself. Wonderful characters, a realistic depiction of trauma, and golden dialogue. I love this Sean, I love the people in his life, I love his interactions with all the characters. 160,000 words (!) for now. A Howl in the Night by Bracco, one-shot. Sean is in prison, and Daniel is free: it’s everything that Sean had wanted when he surrendered. That means he can be happy… right? 28,500 words. Tomorrow's Horizon by AlariOdonell, in progress. A mysterious stranger recruits a post-bay Max Caulfield with the promise to bring Chloe back to life and to right a few wrongs along the way, like those suffered by two brothers. I am very partial to this story because it ticks every box in my list of narrative kinks: a well-written OC, an incoming threat, superpowers, misfits teaming up, IC characters, action and fuzzy feelings... 52,000 words for now, updated bi-weekly. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by DarkJaden825698, one-shot. After his sentence, Sean reconnects with some old friends and says some things he didn't get to say when he had the chance. This story is a warm, fuzzy thing where everything goes well for a change. I may also be very partial to the title: that song is tied to some of my fondest memories, so extra points to the author. 4,000 words. Spirit Realm: Road to Redemption by Sombraguerrero, completed. Sean has served his sentence, abbreviated by a lack of success on the authorities' part to attain burden of proof on the supposed major crimes. The public has run out of patience and has allowed Sean and Daniel to try and pick up the pieces, with as much help as they can get along what is once again a rough road. 21,000 words. Stay Strange by DarkJaden825698, completed. Dr. Bright is assigned to Sean Diaz as his therapist in prison, and walks him through his trauma while trying to find him a lawyer to challenge his sentence. Crossover fic between LiS2 and The Bright Sessions podcast - you don’t know anything about the podcast? Me neither, and it’s not an issue. 32,000 words.

AUs

And All These Empty Streets by Riona, one-shot. After the apocalypse, Sean and Daniel have a run-in with Joel and Ellie from TLOU. I think that this is the story that made me realize how I love Sean and Daniel so much that I’m willing to read the weirdest AUs and crossovers so long. It flows really well and it feels natural. 2,000 words.

Riona has written a lot of stories that start from an unexpected premise and draw a little vignette. They are all different from each other and I loved them all. Check out her AO3 profile! Can you give me a hint by Idnis, completed. Teenage Daniel/Chris. If you like “mutual pining” and “dumb idiots in love”, this story will make your day. It’s just... fluffy and sweet and innocent, a tiny bit of teenage drama that Daniel and Chris deserve after everything they’ve been through. 22,500 words. Closer to the Heart by darkjaden825698, in progress. After the shooting, Sean waits for the police to arrive. He’s cleared of all charges and sent to live to Beaver Creek, where he must come to terms with what happened and rebuild a life for himself. A teen drama where nothing bad happens to the boys and they get to live normal lives? Hit me with it. 4,000 words. Double exposure by Riona, completed. It draws inspiration from *Your Name*: Max and Sean begin swapping bodies at random. If the premise doesn’t turn you away, it’s a beautiful bittersweet story about two people trying to help each other while their own worlds are falling apart. 11,000 words. Faithless by HollowK, in progress. Six years after the failed heist, Sean wakes up from his coma and has a brother to find. Exactly: oof. 6,500 words for now. I Took Both Roads, series by owlmug. AU where Esteban isn’t shot. Sean/Finn (with some Sean/Cassidy in the first story). It’s a coming of age story, and I really loved how the author mirrored some situations that are found in the game by giving them a new twist. I won’t lie, these stories hurt, because they made me think about what could have been. The characters are spot on, and the interactions of the Diaz family are golden. Bonus points for having Sean behave like a teenage brat at times, because the boy deserved to have temper tantrums and getting into fights with Esteban over stupid stuff. There are also a lot of beautiful images across the series, a lot of lines that feel raw and powerful, and a lot of healing. At times it’s like having a heart-to-heart with the author. Sometimes I felt that the sex scenes were too long, and some of them I found unnecessary, but that’s just my personal taste. I really liked all the four stories, but the last one is my favourite for sure because it follows Esteban’s point of view and it’s *chef’s kiss*.

 1.       A Way to Reappear (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19096837), 18,000 words. Sean’s POV

2.       A Piece of the Puzzle (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386670), 26,000 words. Sean’s POV

3.       A Little left Behind (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19852561), 24,000 words. Finn’s POV

4.       (I’ve Been Going Through) a Change (https://archiveofourown.org/works/20562086), 28,000 words. Esteban’s POV.

If I Lay Here by owlmug, completed. Diverges from canon after episode 3. Sean and Finn try to track Daniel down. Sean/Finn, 46,500 words. I can repeat here most of what I wrote for the earlier series: wonderful characterization, beautiful imagery, touching themes, characters that find themselves along the way. Something that makes you go “Please, sir, can I have some more?” at the end of every chapter. i just don’t know how i’m doing (i’m so curious about you) by Larrymurphycansteponme, one-shot. Another High School AU, another wonderful coming of age story for Sean. I wish I could make it justice without repeating everything I said about owlmug’s series: spot-on characterization, a beautiful narrative about growing up and finding one’s way, wonderful imagery. It’s the story of what Sean deserved to have, and one of my favorite ever. 28,000 words.

MISSING MOMENTS

A Night With Misty Mice by That_one_internet_lover, completed. It follows Sean and Lyla’s concert night that is mentioned in his phone chat in ep.1. It’s the first fanfiction I read after my endgame heartbreak: it gave me all the happy Sean I wanted, and even a bit more. The dynamic between him and Lyla is exactly what I pictured from their interactions in the game, put into words by someone who knows what they’re doing. 10,000 words. Astray by Riona, one-shot. Daniel leaves Sean behind after the events of Wastelands. It’s probably more of an AU than a Missing Moment, since it was written before Faith came out and so it’s not entirely canon-compliant, but it’s still a very good window on Daniel’s state of mind after the heist. I’m eternally grateful to Riona for filling some of the gaps that the game left in the development of these wonderful characters. 1,500 words.  Fire and Floods by Riona, one-shot. Sean and Daniel go on the run, and this fic covers the first day of their journey. A spot-on dissection of Sean’s feelings after the shooting. 1,500 words. life is strange 2 poems by Spotsuns, an ongoing collection of one-shots. These stories have all the oooffness of the game. The stories in here hurt. In the good way, but they hurt nonetheless. Beautiful character studies, and some heavy-duty, post-ending feel unpacking. 11,000 words. Never Stop Shining by CorazonDesnudo, in progress. During his stay in Away, Sean receives a letter from Finn with an offer to help him and Daniel cross the border. It’s a chance to come to terms with a lot of things he didn’t really process before. 11,000 words for now. Torchbearers by Riona. Ep.1’s Sean and Daniel run into Max and Chloe among the ruins of Arcadia Bay. I can definitely see this story being a moment of quiet in the game. 2,600 words. What Remains of the Diaz Family by That_one_internet_lover, completed. Lyla sneaks into the Diaz household after the brothers have disappeared. Heartbreaking oofness ensues as Lyla walks through their memories and faces her own pain. 6500 words.

[ezrasarm]

Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day

I know, I know, I’m a little late to the party but I spent all of yesterday trying to actually finish and post a fic for once so I’m hoping you’ll forgive me for the delay 😂

Part 1 - THANK YOU!!!

(yes there are multiple parts to this so strap in)

I would like to start off with a huge thank you to those of you who thought of me and tagged me in those beautiful heartfelt messages! @a-seeker-of-imagination @adikaofmandalore @lola-wolf @agirllovespasta @oloreaa @din-damn-djarin @littlevodika @mrschiltoncat @cinewhore and @mindless--ramblings @plexflexico @imalovernotahater I’m looking at all of you 👀

I was just talking to @din-damn-djarin and @chaotic-noceur this morning about how theoretically (although heaven knows this isn’t always the case) writing should be something we do for our own enjoyment. To blow off steam, to let our imagination run wild, to have some form of creative output in our life, to feel productive, to make yourself happy, to make other people happy, etc. Whatever your reasons for writing, your own enjoyment of the process and content should be very high on that list. It’s very easy to get dragged down the rabbit hole of fixating on the number of notes and reblogs and comments we get on our work. And that’s great! If we’re gonna post this stuff it is endlessly gratifying and humbling to receive validation and appreciation for the hours upon hours of work that we put into it for absolutely no charge. But it’s not everything. It’s moments like these that remind me why I keep coming back. Knowing that I have a network of amazing, talented and supportive writers and readers, mutuals and friends who look forward to hearing from me and what I’m making next. That was never something I expected to gain by starting this blog but I am endlessly thankful to all of you for it.

Okay I think my point got away from me and I just wound up turning into a big mushy ball off feelings but what I was trying to say was thank you so much for your support because none of us are under any obligation to give or receive it but it sure does make things seem a whole lot more worthwhile when we do.

Part 2 - Right Back Atcha!

On to the second portion of this post! Screaming at you all about how talented you are!

@vercopaanir The Lovely Moons

TLM was among the first fics I read when I joined this fandom and I have loved every bit of watching your characters grow and overcome new challenges in every sense of the term. Every time I sit down to read a chapter I’m astounded by the professionalism and artistry you use to maneuver your craft because you are an artist. Reading it feels like it should be an actual print book that I can hold in my hand and turn pages in and write notes in the margins of all my favourite parts (’cause there are a lot). To think that you are author, editor and publisher all on your own while working still working blows me away!

@chaotic-noceur Scribbled Ink, To Be Human, Stanley

What can I say Kay? You write angst like no other. You are truly the angst queen but then you came along and you pulled a stunt like Scribbled Ink and excuse me? Who gave you permission to be both the queen of fluff and queen of angst?!?! You write such beautiful, heartfelt stories with concepts that are so raw and emotional and real and you do it with such finesse! I am constantly in complete awe of your writing!

@din-damn-djarin Find My Way Back To You, (Not So) Secret

Ploots, you magnificent bastard (there I said it)! I know you don’t believe me but I really do mean it when I say I love everything you’ve written with a passion. You come up with such astounding fic concepts and you characterize all the characters you write for so beautifully- I mean Frankie in FMWBTY??? You kept all my favourite parts of him but then you made him your own and it was astounding. I love that you’ve given me the privilege of being a part of your writing process and I have so much fun working on your fics with you!

@littleferal First Time Sleeping* Together

This series is bringing me life! I know I’ve already screamed at you but I love that you’ve looked at this very suggestible topic from the most innocent of viewpoints and explored the other forms that intimacy can take. That and they’re all just insanely cute and soft and fluffy and I love them!

@oloreaa Orbit

Rea!!!!! Our adopted tumblr child (except you’re not a child)! Somehow everything you write manages to be so soft and so cute and so fluffy it makes me feel like I'm about to spontaneously combust! You write Din cuddles for crying out loud! What more could anyone ask for than our big beautiful tin can to wrap them up in his arms and never let go? You write these moments with such a warmth and softness and intimacy thats hard not to fall in love with.

@starryeyedstories All Of Me

I still can’t get over how beautifully written All Of Me is! It just does things to me! It will always be way up at the top of my list of favourite Din fics! Your writing just makes me want more and I am seriously considering rewatching all the Star Wars sequels so I can read all your Poe stuff now. It is that good!

@aerynwrites What They Don’t Know

I don’t know what you did but I blame you entirely for my love of Paz Vizla now. It is seriously all your fault (and I love you for it). You are an amazing writer! Simple as that and you have so much beautiful content that I have yet to read. What you do for this fandom does not go unnoticed!

@agirllovespasta Masterlist

Yes. Yes I am aware that I’ve just linked your entire masterlist but it’s simply because I want everyone to read everything you’ve ever written. I love you and you are talented and amazing even if I don’t remind you of that as often as I should!

@tintinwrites Unspoken

I will admit I haven’t read a whole lot by you yet but of what I have read I love the way you weave your sense of humor into everything, it doesn’t fail to bring a smile to my face. The sass in unspoken killed me and I’m still not over Din talking to the kid.

@alwaysbethewest A Light In Your Eye

You are SO. FREAKING. TALENTED. You get that balance of sentimental and playful so perfect and it makes me feel things! Your characterizations are on the nose, the way you describe settings to set the atmosphere of the scene is amazing and your imagery makes my brain explode a little. You’re an artist. 

@dindjarindiaries Bittersweet

If someone asked me to site one blog to get a good taste of this fandom I would without a doubt point them in your direction. You write so many of my favourite characters and you write them so. damn. well. I love seeing you pop up on my dash- which reminds me I just saw that you updated Bittersweet but I haven’t had time to read it since and it’s driving me a little crazy.

@a-seeker-of-imagination Masterlist

 Alright, so admittedly I’m awful and I haven’t actually read anything you’ve written yet but you’ve got a Peaky Blinders fic I’ve got my eye on and you write for Pedro so I’m eager to do so! I can already tell you have such a passion for writing that anything you’ve written is bound to be amazing!

There are so many more of you who deserve love and appreciation and recognition and I sincerely apologize if I have missed you out of this list but my brain is a mess and I have trouble keeping track of who has written what a lot of the time! 

Part 3 - An Announcement Of An Announcement 

This is me announcing that I will be announcing something fanfic writer appreciation adjacent... soon (actually I’m announcing a number of things soon) so you should keep your eyes peeled 👀👀👀

[aijee]

hello aijee!! what are your thoughts on mingyu and wonwoo's bittersweet?

Oh anon. Oh anon, anon, anon. I have very many feelings about this remarkable intersection of ley lines. I’m sure the WWxMG spheres of the Internet are in some state of madness, and I felt like my meager offerings would be nothing in comparison. But you are now my excuse to write up a Pandora's box answer that I've done my best to organize below the cut. It’s honestly not that exhaustive, but I have to catch a flight soon.

The short of it is: I really liked it! It was nice to see WW/MG doing something distinctly not hip-hop, or eye candy-centric, or “let’s fight over this random girl for no reason other than to give (female) fans the feeling of being sandwiched between two hot guys.” The urban imagery was also wonderful. I’m a big, big sucker for Japanese films set in cities in the 80s/90s, so this video definitely hit a specific aesthetic nerve for me. ALSO LEEHI MY BAE!!

But, fair disclaimer, I do have some reservations. Nothing is perfect!

The song itself

It was refreshing to hear a softer song with WW and MG doing so much of the vocals. I’m so used to eleven other guys contributing (I’m personally a bigger fan of the group/non-solo tracks), it was almost jarring to hear only two male voices in something very much not hip-hop or rapping. And LeeHi? My ex-YG BABEE?? I honestly wished I heard more of her!! And saw her in the video! Her voice was a perfect addition to a song that sounds more, as its name suggests, bittersweet.

I feel like all three of the artists involved have a much more dynamic range that could have been utilized, even for a muted tone. The song overall doesn’t really stand out to me, especially within Seventeen’s wonderful discography and selection of ballads. The instrumental was kinda weak ngl. But I still very much enjoyed the song! The lyrics from an English-speaking standpoint were also very lovely and definitely struck the heart on my sleeve, as you can imagine from the types of themes I tend to write about. Kudos to MG and WW for participating in it! Always love seeing SVT showing off their creative chops.

The video/cinematography

Frankly, I wasn’t impressed by it. 3.5/5 stars. I’m personally not a big fan of the blurry type of slow motion. I get that, perhaps, it was meant to evoke a sense of reminiscing on old memories, which can be blurry and choppy. But I felt like those extra seconds could have been used for more evocative cinematography between the trio or combinations thereof. There was so much potential to have a more unified sense of “story.” I felt like the acting really carried it, but overall the visual artistry didn’t hold together in my opinion.

I also thought that the imagery paired with the lyrics was often too on-the-nose. (Take this with a grain of salt from someone who doesn’t know Korean, only the official English translations.) In other words, I thought that the shots could be too literal when paired with the lyrics.Yes, yes, eyes are are meeting but something still feels far apart because the girl ain’t lookin at WW. Yes, yes, the scent of a moment fills hands because we see a glass of alcohol in presumably WW’s hand. I do like that the lyrics actually match the video to some degree (since so many Kpop MVs are just dancing in a fancy room), but, again, it felt too one-to-one without much thought otherwise.

Also, those AirPods lmao. I don’t know why, but that took me out of the immersion. WW and MG had one each, and I’d be knocking furniture down at that observation if they both weren’t wearing right-side pods, thus eliminating the possibility of sharing. Imagine!! Turning the act of sharing AirPods into something symbolic! Remembering things when someone else “plays that old tune”, being disconnected and connected at the same time, etc. To think that I’d be yell-writing about the potential symbolism of AirPods...

The duo/trio

My first thought seeing this video was: Are Mingyu and Wonwoo okay with this? They clearly had a say in the lyrics, so I feel like they’re okay. Instinctually, I get concerned about how a company can push idols pairings in official content to the point of undermining the real-life relationship; I felt like WW, as a naturally shyer and introverted person, stepped back from the WonGyu pairing at some point. I think this was a bigger concern in the group’s earlier years, and I feel like they and the fandom have matured significantly over time. Fans reading this are certainly free to educate me on their takes regarding this, since I follow Seventeen’s official content more (as much as I am able to, at least) than fan content, like fancams, and I try not to make too many legit assumptions based on official content.

All this being said, I think they looked really comfortable with each other in the video! Which I loved the most, honestly. The premise didn’t didn’t feel like guys fighting over a girl (yawn). I’m not a fan of the overused K-Pop trope of “let’s have a random girl act as a stand-in for fans to feel like they’re being pursued by their oppars.” I felt like, while MG and WW expressed clear interest in the girl, there was interest expressed in each other as well—especially MG towards WW in my opinion, cont’d below. And the interest was never forced to be romantic, even though it could be! LOVE that for them. (I highly recommend reading up on “queer platonic relationships”, which a friend of mine taught me recently. Made the mistake of writing “romantic” instead of “platonic” so sorry 😬)

Motherfuckin Kim Mingyu AKA my interpretation of the story

*I did read the little summary in the description box about “three longtime friends”, but I’m choosing to ignore it because I don’t think the video portrays that well and I like my interpretation better haha!

That sequence of WW putting a hat on MG, with WW’s fond but exasperated face of a hyung (I’m okay, not okay).

The cut from that shot of WW and the girl breathing heavy and looking at MG, to MG staring vacantly behind a rained-on glass window (I close my eyes but thoughts of you...).

The way MG steps out first into the rain and smiles back at WW in that last sequence of shots (Eyes meeting but hearts apart); MG looks so content despite the sadness usually meant to be evoked by dramatic rain sequences.

As someone who normally connects with WW, I really connected to MG’s character this time around. I interpreted MG’s character as going through a really complex series of emotions towards both the girl and WW, platonic, romantic or otherwise. It’s hard to pin down, but the small age difference between him and WW felt so much more apparent in the MV. I almost got the impression that maybe MG’s character felt new, naive and lost in the city (he has a few shots of wandering or being in front of urban areas). Then he found stability with the girl and WW, the consequence being the whirlwind of feelings he must be experiencing because of them. I wish there was more exposition hinting at what happened to the girl, since she sorta just...blipped out of existence by the end.

At the start of the MV, WW’s character looked like he was at the end of his rope, drinking away his woes, maybe because of what seems like a nice job based on the suit. But then he found solace in the female bartender, who was kind and had open ears. The two of them became friends (maybe more, perhaps one-sided in WW’s disfavor). Then WW met MG through her. He saw MG’s character as a cute dongsaeng to be nice to, mostly on the whims of the girl, even dancing with them after closing time. But maybe WW’s character started having complicated feelings for MG’s character throughout it all. He started seeing MG more (more than the girl? Hard to say), based on how he was staring at MG at the end of the running sequence at around 2:08, not even looking back at the girl. He ended up liking MG so much, that he followed MG into the rain despite them both avoiding it, staying indoors, before the end sequence.

That’s sort of the dirty and quick of my initial thoughts. Honestly, I wish I had the energy and speed to throw out a proper written work because I LOVE stories that are basically just complicated feelings with relationship boundaries that are hard to define. Also, gotta say, that little sassy look the female actress gave at around 0:30 was real cute. 👀

[meibemeibelline]

highlights from that 32k word doc i wrote when i marathoned gazette’s songs (2002-2007)

PART 2 | PART 3

Some quick notes:

This is a combo of thoughts on music, lyrics and sometimes just funny things I found while I was hurriedly typing at 11pm listening to these songs. Not every song will be featured in these, sorry

At times I directly quote translations and when I do I’ll specify who I’m quoting, but just so you know first they are all either Defective Tragedy, Heresiarchy or Trauma Radio

Also, I’m planning on writing some longer essay-type things with these notes so there might be some things I skip over (such as a recurring theme in their songs) bc I want to use them elsewhere

CONTENT WARNING FOR LYRIC DISCUSSIONS: suicide (Ganges ni Akai Bara). i will bold the title so you can skip it if you want. it’s one paragraph long

HHHH this is already 2k words but anyway hope u enjoy my ramblings

 “I’d have to take a break from feminism to appreciate [Akai One Piece]”

“His delivery is still highly emotional and [Okuribi] overall is really emotional. Like the fact you can still hear and FEEL the sheer bittersweet feelings (mostly sadness) of someone you love passing away is like...really telling of 2002 gazette’s potential”

(Doro Darake no Seishun) “Bitch Aoi and Uruha are serving LOOKS like the red tartan blazer with the black shorts???? And Uruha with the red tank top and the pleather skirt with the garters THE OTHER GIRLS WISH THEY WERE HIM”

(Haru ni Chirikeri, Mi wa Kareru de Gozaimasu) “it’s about a flower that’s in love with a one-winged butterfly, and i imagine the point is that even though they sing songs for each other, they’re just so different that they don’t understand each other and they can’t be together. and they’re just...fated to end, and maybe try again next spring. and you can see that in human relationships too.”

“Akuyuukai i think is such a significant turning point musically like i just FELT a significant shift where they were really painting with their music and having it be more closely connected with the lyrics”

“[Linda Candydive Pinky Heaven] is a happy and fun song!! it’s doro darake no seishun’s cuter and cooler older sister. this also gave me a lot of serotonin and i’m glad this is a classic. it’s also this band’s first fan song (or closest to a fan song) and i think it’s quite meaningful because they were picking up as a band and were starting to really connect with people which is always so so great. and i think it’s cool that many songs before this were fun songs to jam out to but linda is specially DEDICATED to that. it’s so carefree and i think like...this is the exact thing many musicians love about performing and what fans love about concerts. it’s the escapism and just the SPACE to be yourself and have fun. it’s so freeing.”

(Black Spangle Gang) “I can’t believe GazettE were doing 2005 Miyavi before Miyavi did 2005 Miyavi”

(The Murder’s TV) “I think it’s cool how playful they make it sound -> like a creepy show that kids might see and the last chorus is pretty good. it’s a bop AND THE BASS AND GUITAR SOLOS SLAP. The lyrics are really interesting too and I LOVE the way Ruki embodies them with his voice”

“BITCHHH MAD MARBLE HELL VISION SLAPS. THIS IS WHAT I CALL NOISE MUSIC!!!!!!!”

“The composition on Kawareta Haru, Kawaneru Haru is actually SO good (and the costumes are fucking ICONIC). And Ruki is STILL getting better at singing. The chorus is melodic and the effects on the guitar just go so well like I think the others (probably since Akuyuukai actually) have been really getting to play with all sorts of effects on their instruments to make this new variety of sounds which is super rad. AOI SOLO SUPERIORITY BTW.”

“Indie gazette really love their key changes in the bittersweet songs in the last choruses.”

“Comparing the lyrics of [Sumire] to many of the last ‘goodbye’ songs, there’s a lot more imagery and scene-painting as opposed to like, just direct thoughts and feelings. And that’s really Ruki developing as a writer, I think, as his lyrics are becoming more subtle and open to different interpretations which is super cool! Like this is really him finding his voice and I know he’s going to be doing more of this over the years.”

“ANATA NO TAME NO KONO INOCHI SLAPS BUT THE LYRICS ARE FUCKED. LIKE, I KNEW THIS FROM THE BEGINNING BUT I REALLY WISH I WAS JARED, 19.”

“I LOVE MISEINEN SO FUCKING MUCHHHHH. I can only begin to imagine just HOW significant this song is for Ruki. This is him acknowledging his weaknesses and his flaws, looking around him and seeing the people he has, he writes about what he’s afraid of, he writes about how he’s going to change and move forward, what is MOST VALUABLE to him. This is A LOT. This is A LOT for anyone. It is a song about GROWTH – how he wants to grow yet is terrified of change, but even so is going to do it with the help of his support system. This is EVERYTHING. It’s raw and brave and so very beautiful. It has Wakaremichi and BEST FRIENDS energy. These three songs are best friends. And also like, for the last couple of releases Ruki’s been doing lots of wordplay and metaphors and using euphemisms, but this set of lyrics is just completely honest and STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART. Like, there ARE metaphors and symbols but he’s talking COMPLETELY about himself and his FEELINGS. I get emo whenever I listen to this song.”

(Carry?) “Apparently it’s about Frankenstein’s monster, so I guess this is another Concept Song. So this explains the flat vocals – the monster is undead but also…very sad and confused about what it is and its place in the world. ISN’T THAT ALL OF US ON SOME LEVEL…HAHA…”

“Zakurogata no Yuutsu is that 2010 fb meme where someone sees their partner right before going into a heart surgery only to wake up to find they’re gone and the doctor is like ‘omg who do you think gave you the heart😔’”

“WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID I SLEEP ON HANAKOTOBA. THIS IS AOI SONG SUPERIORITY. THE GUITAR SOLO IS ALSO GORGEOUS. Also love what he did with the melody getting higher in the end when the narrator questions the existence of the love they lost. AND THEY DIDN’T RESOLVE THE FUCKING CHORD PROGRESSION OHHH MY GODDDD BECAUSE “I’LL WITHER AWAY, NEVER KNOWING THE ANSWER” //THROWS. THESE GENIUSES. THIS IS THE BEST SONG ON THE ALBUM SO FAR AND THAT’S👏ON👏AOI👏SUPERIORITY👏Also I know that, literally, Hanakotoba is a flower on the side of the road but LISTEN. This is a soul that just wants love...This is the anthem for us lonely invisible bitches <3 This song has the MOST yearning. Thank u Aoi for my life. Like he is TRULY the composer with the most emotionality.”

(Tokyo Shinjuu) “I LOVEEEE THE BASS. This has a very old, classic Japanese style and it’s just…so good. You can really hear it in the melody. Also there’s just something SO feminine about it and I KNOW it’s that classic Japanese sound and like…god I love this gender bending with music. I adore the guitars too I think there’s such a good balance between them.”

(Shichigatsu no Youka) “I love how the lyrics are between sections too – the most emotional parts are in the big, emotional chorus, and the verses are more mellow when the narrator is sort of…more detached and Not Crying… The guitar melodies are really pretty and the solo is just GORGEOUS. It’s such a bittersweet song as well (god GazettE just do bittersweet EXTREMELY WELL) like bruh…already being sad over a breakup and OH DOUBLE WHAMMY THEY’VE MOVED ON like. Ruki sweetie I’m so sorry.”

[a rant about how I know Saraba is well-meaning and is about the peace and unity of a nation and is EXPLICITLY anti-war which I can definitely appreciate but my Chinese ass was just NOT having the whole painting the Japanese army as heroes deal]

(Reila) “Ruki’s vocals are SO GOOD here. ALSO YELLING AT THE BASS AND KICK DRUM BEFORE THE SECOND VERSE WITH THE PIANO. THE WAY THE KICK DRUM PANS THRU THE EARS. MOTHERFUCKER. AND THEN TO COME IN WITH THE GUITAR SOLO HOW DARE!!!!! YOU PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THIS!!!!!”

“COCKROACH SLAPS. Love that he reframes being compared to a cockroach as like, resilient (I’ll never break through -> I want to believe I’ll break through), and he’s embracing his crudeness and taking a huge dose of PHUCEMOL.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(Sugar Pain) “God Aoi’s intro though………..I HATE THE BREATHING SO MUCH. No I’m actually really angry right now why is it actually good. YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE GOOD.” (I then had to stop after the first chorus for obvious reasons)

“Idk why the first thing I thought of when Bite to All started was ‘yeehaw’…[Also] I hate how I know exactly who is screaming at the end and when.”

“BTS 🤝 GazettE Gunshots in songs”

[My personal interpretation of Nausea & Shudder is not that it’s about the pressure of being true to oneself in the face of success, but rather that success itself is not what Ruki expected it to be and he’s figuring out how to navigate that and move forward. It is also just a really good set of lyrics.]

“There’s just a hopelessness that’s so profound in [Bath Room]. Like if depression was a song IT WOULD SOUND A LOT LIKE THIS… Up until this point this is the Darkest song AND WE’RE ONLY GONNA GET DARKER FROM HERE *sweats in DIM*”

“I love these unsaid words Ruki leaves in the booklets. Adds layers and messages for the listener (usually of hope)”

(Silly God Disco) “After reading the lyrics I love this song soo much more. Like it’s actually really nice to think about dancing and living life because you have rock music and it makes you happy. Also the FUNK. The flavour. Not only that, but the way Ruki SWEARS he will live happily, without fear, and always moving past pain and towards freedom and glory. And he INVITES the listener with him. This is just SO nice.”

“I think it’s interesting that like…for an album that is sort of Known to be depressing as hell, there are quite a lot of songs about resilience and just…living and moving forward. Depending on what the rest of the albums are about, NIL might actually be, weirdly, the one with the most hope in it.”

(Worthless War) ““Do you shoot first so you won’t get hurt? / Do you call that sort of thing ‘justice’” damn Worthless War spilled. This sounds like a whole lot of anxiety surrounding war, and a very strong criticism against the government for caring more about power than people. Even though violence is despair, he also says that this age of political tension and FEAR is also despair. And he is correct. Ruki: ALSO THE EARTH IS DYING???” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(Rich Excrement) ““Lyric killer is erectile dysfunction” + “Biters should check it out too” -> you’re a limp dick who rips off other people’s work I AM SCREAMINGGGGGG.”” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(Crucify Sorrow) “The main metaphor here is someone who is an insect with a broken shell – an empty person. With depression, probably…And I cannot help but think about Utsusemi, in which he uses this EXACT metaphor to describe himself and his own depression, his loneliness and his desire to disappear. Was this a coincidence??🤔”

(GANGES NI AKAI BARA) “I really like this song – music and lyrics both. Like even though it’s sad that the girl was in a lot of pain, kills herself and is condemned by her church, the narrator bringing her to Ganges and doing a sacred ritual for her so that she can find salvation is actually really really kind and meaningful??? Not only because it’s an act of kindness but also because the pain she was experiencing was emotional/mental (with the constant tsu-tsu-tsura-tsura-tsurai), salvation could relieve her soul from exactly that.” (Apparently Ruki said the narrator is Buddhist but in the context of the song Hindu makes more sense, so I’m just going with that)

(Calm Envy) ““If you could love even these words I’ve thrown your way / I could keep trusting only you as you stand in front of me / It hurts every time you bring up the past you’ve suddenly shown me / I want to love even that empty space where I don’t exist / I’ll wipe away my tears so you wouldn’t notice them / So don’t smile in front of me anymore than this” – SHUT UP THIS SHIT IS REALLY UNCONDITIONAL BUT THEY’RE TIRED OF BEING HURT. GOODBYE. GOODBYEEEEE.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

(Circle of Swindler) “Ruki writing "how much do you buy us for? let's negotiate [the] value of pain" in circle of swindler to demand respect and acknowledgement of his worth from the higher ups of the music industry because it's the music born from his pain that's making their money is Quite sexy” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

“[Stacked Rubbish] is about the baggage we have, the baggage we give each other, the Errors we make precisely because we are People who have souls. I think the point (of this album being like an anthology) is that everyone could find something in this album that speaks to them.”