#// those two always thought of me as the 'weird kid' no matter the age

[seungkwanniee]

pairings : nonidol!seveteen x gn!reader

genere : fluff , angst ( minghao one )

warnings : little made fun of (jun) , panic attack but not at all (wonwoo)

synopsis : seventeen as love trope imo !

an : don't know when this is coming out but, -3 for bald Jeonghan. They are so fucking long that maybe i shouldve writed a whole series and not this but anyway

〔masterlist〕

SCOUPS 』

age gap , age ain't nothing but a number

He loves having someone on his knees no matter what, and we know younger people are more easy to manipulate but i mean it in a good way. Seungcheol would love have you wrapped around his fingers, have you doing all that just for him make him istantly happy, it fills his chest with love. But he would prefer way more to spoil you with gift, love and money. You need money? he is already putting them in your bra. You wanted that cloth? it's already yours. He likes have you wrapped around his arms that are way bigger than your whole body. Loves the height gap, so he can lay his chin on top of your head and wrap your neck with his arm. He could care less when someone points out the age gap, he loves you no matter what.

JEONGHAN 』

unreachable love interest , talking to you means a lot to me

Jeonghan is that one popular guy that everyone is in love with, so it feels like he is unreachable. He looks like an angel and seems also so sweet and caring but at the same time interesting to be around. You was only one of those people that is blinded by his beauty, why he would even notice you and your odd interest? He never showed love interest on anyone and never dated someone, he was a little bit cold, you were being just delulu right? It was so surprining for everyone when one day his steps weren't the same as he does everyday to walk into his class: he was getting closer to you, he was going trowards you. Your heart was beating so fast that you thought everyone could hear that, while your face was already red just by looking closely to his face. This unreachable angel was talking to you?

JOSHUA 』

slow burn , a lot can happen in 6 months but didn't expected this

At frist, when your friend introduced you two, you didn't minded about him too much. Sure, he was looking pretty and his behavior during the whole hangout was so gentle with everyone, but slowly he became part of your daily routine. He got involved in your group of friends more, so you automatically spent more time with him and became good friends. He was always caring, helping you to go down or upstairs, sometimes playing your food, fixing you hair etc... be he was like that with everyone, there was no purpose below. But when your heart starts flutter when he meet your eyes, you know something was changing. You no longer see his action innocently, you everytime internally begged him to make one more move, more closer to you, more intimate. Your skin pratically craving for his touch was everything you needed. Who thought that this could happen in six months?

JUN 』

the quiet ( and smart ) boy , I was quiet but not blind

Jun was the quiet, and maybe weird, guy everyone got in their class. He never talked to anyone, and no one ever spoke to him. Jun was smart enough to know that that class was a herd of kids who followed the crowd and he didn't want to be one of them, his few friends were already enough for him. As I mentioned, Jun was a smart ass boy, he noticed one girl in particular. He didn't liked her in that way, she just was the one he hated the less. His classmates didn't mind when he could hear the non-pleasant things they were saying about him, every single one said something except her. Rather, he had heard her complaining with her friends their behavior, sometimes he could ever hear the sound of a little slap, maybe in the head, after their words. During class, often you eyes land on him, his head almost always lowered to the desk writing something with his relaxed form but today something was different. His legs shaking up and down while his hand was playing with the pen that was supposted to write down the paper. when a "you are too smart to be friend with them" paper landed on you desk at the end of the class, you got everything, as if your vision was no longer blurred thanks to a stupid note.

HOSHI 』

childhood friends , it's always been you

Soonyoung was laying between your arms, while his eyes were red and puffed because of previous tears. You always warned him about the girl he was dating until few hours ago: she never liked you and you never liked her. You never knew why she didn't liked you, just because you were Soonyoung bestfriend was a stupid reason. Btw, you had a strong reason to not like her, a red flag swinging right in front of you bestfriend face that the decided to completely ignore. You always knew she was going to cheat, she did before nothing was stopping her just because he was Soonyoung. You stayed beside him the whole time, he needed to heal from this harsh breakup, but this made things change with the time. You noticed how he was more caring now, he always been but you felt something was off for sure. At one point it seemed like you was the one that needed to be healed, not him anymore. But he considered you like her sister until few months ago, what happened now?

WONWOO 』

fake dating , I like you more than I planned

When you told about this to him, all he could do was be shocked, and you kinda understand him. When your friends comes to you and tell you to pretend to be a coupla at a wedding it was pretty weird, no? Plus, Wonwoo is so shy and reserved, but it was the best choice you could come with. You hated all the invadent questions they ask, the last time they almost made you have a panick attack so you wasn't planning to go throught that hell once again. When you were standing beside him, he had his arms wrapped around your waist. Occasionally, he would also wrap you shoulder, adjust your hair or wipe your mouth from the crumbles. You would notice how his ears go bright red when his hands lays on your body, or how his hands were slightly trembling. You wanted to make fun of him, but you were exactly like him if not worst. He almost choke when one of your aunts ask you two a kiss, you would pat his back trying to keep him alive while with trembling voice explained how shy you are to do pda in public.

WOOZI 』

enemies to lovers , are you flirting or starting a fight?

when you hear that your partner project is Lee Jihoon, you just want to let out hundred curses. This was an important work project, almost depending your future and they paired you with the person for which you have hatred. At the start, you two only warned the eachother how important the project was and reiterated your mutual hatred, for what is still unknown and we'll never know because you two actually started to get along very well. It was the most unexpected thing for your coworkes see you talking like normal human being, working like you never hated eachother, how you two seemed almost like the realest bestfriends. From now on, you two enjoyed the each other comfort company and used the extra hour to stay toghether. Everyone already knew how you two will be lovers one day.

DOKYEOM 』

grumpy x sunshine , I loved you so hard that I softned

You don't know if adopt the cat you have now it was the best decision ever. It didn't fall in love with you, but with your neighborhood and you two aren't even friends. Your cat would sneak out in the most weird possibile way even figuring out how to open the balcony window and jump on the near balcony. You were so embarassed to knock at his door and explain that the cat that jumped on his apartment was yours. Maybe it was annoying him, maybe he was that kinda of grumpy neighborhood (spoiler: you were) and will yell at you. But when the door opens, you find the exactly opposite in front of your eyes. He was tall but his face looked so bright, you don't even know how to explain it but it was like that. Your little black cat was laying so comfortable in his way more bigger hands that it almost didn't wanted to come with you again. You regretted how cold you were with him, but you never saw him and it will continue like that, you tought. Never been so wrong: apparently your cat loved soo much Seokmin that now it almost live at his instead of yours. You were grateful that he wasn't annoyed by that, he was a little sunshine, but instead it was bothering you. You never liked having convo with new people, and your cat was pratically forcing you to do that. You even tought to give it to him forever just to avoid his attempt of conversation, or his invites you to come into his apartment and eat something together. But at the end, you will be always grateful to your cat that letted you met your now boyfriend.

MINGYU 』

soulmates , I meet another me inside of you

It was so shocking when you met him and discovered that you two have almost the same tatoo, it was like you two were made for eachother. It was a silly one, with no meaning behind it at all and this made the thing seem even more on propuse. The thing you two didn't knew it was that you were meant to meet and never leaving eachother side ever. The stage of being friends it never actually exsisted in your relationship, catching feelings was so fast and never been so easly that you almost thought that everything was just a fever dream, it wasn't actually real, so unreal in your head but it was like that. You have you boyfriend by your side everytime you need to, he loves you with all his heart and actually got another matching tatoo.

MINGHAO 』

forbidden love , in another life

when Minghao's family dicovered that his girlfriend wasn't chinese as him, they were disappointed from the start. They were a traditional family, and Mingaho knew that, but his heart choosed her and he can't help it. She doesn't even looked like a foreigner, at some point you spoke chinese better than him. He knew that they wouldn't like her at the start, thats why he went slow with them, but he never thought they would overreact so badly. His own mother didn't even talked to him for the frist weeks, letting him guess how disappointed and upset he was. His face was full of surprise when suddently they asked for a dinner togheter, they wanted to get to know her but all of the sudden looked a little bit of on his eyes. He putted aside his thoughts, he was so happy and excited when he got that his family was starting to soften about his relationship with a foreigner. He never regretted a decision more, they made you come for what? to embarass you, bring you down and made you feel not enough for him. He got so upset for you, he was blaming himself and apologize in his knees, you didn't deserved that and decide that you two should go in separate path.

SEUNGKWAN 』

insicure / unexpected love , & then I met you

Seungkwan always been the insicure guy: he thought no one would ever love him romatically, he was more like the class clown and only seem like a friend to the girls. He wasn't handsome, he wasn't the popular guy becayse of his look, he was only popular for his funny personality, sometimes he would even embarass himself in front of everyone just to make his classroom laugh. He never shows how this topic upset him, gotta always fake a smile and pretend nothing, but deep down himself he is almost sure no one will ever love him but also he will never be capable to love someone. He is scared and unexperienced: he can surely make someone laugh, but he can love? he can give the attention his future lover needs? he can make the person feel loved as he deresved? He was sure he was impeded in love, until you came in his life. You was the unexpected love of his life, and learned how he was really good at loving, giving attention and those things. When you frist you went to him, he thought it was a joke, someone better reveal the cameras and stop it because it wasn't funny, he would be so upset for his whole life for be made fun of. But you was dead serious, you didn't seen him like the weird funny and class clown, you saw deep down in his soul and it was so pretty, unique and majestic.

VERNON 』

innocent crush , I wonder how I look from my crush's pov

He may be the cold and dead serious guy, the one that never show interest on nothing, much less for a girl. But when he revealed his crush on you to his friends, even them were shocked. And now, forget everything about the cold guy you always knew, he become so awkward around you from now on. He always tries to get your attention, but in the end he just looks goofy and silly. Seungkwan and Dino not helping him at all too as they just look way goofier than him or just make him in weird situation. Like that one time where they made fall his whole lunch in front of you, but that just got an interaction between you two so a win is a win. But I feel like this would just be a school crush, and you two will never ending up toghter.

DINO 』

second chance love , I will always choose you

When you met those familiar eyes one again, after almost a year you two lost contact, you got it wasn't never with that boy you hardly fell in love. It was so crowded down the streets, when you stopped for few seconds because of the shock, you already lost the sight of your friends. You quickly flutter your eyes when he moves slight trowards you, not because he wanted to, but because one his friend just bumped into him. He looks at him dumbfounded because hell, there wasn't almost space to even breath why he was just staning in the middle of nothing looking straight like an idiot but he quickly relized when he looks straight too. Dino never shutted up about you, not even when you two broke up because of his dumbness, and his friends needed to hear him yap about you for so long. They even tried to pair him someone else, thinking he was just stuck and needed a push to go out of this never ending situation but every single dated ended up by the girl being bored about him yapping about the same thing or better, a person. They always thought he was overreacting but well, they got everything just by looking on his eyes.

[dietmountaindewb8by]

Chapter Two

Into the Abyss

warnings: five and herb being really weird, five being deluxe (in this case, it is not the solulu), yeah five is actually insane

Tags: @lv9su ; @groovydazephantom

His fingers shook when he first received the tape from the stuttering Herb.

“Take care of it,” he said, wincing when Five raised a brow. “More often than not we like a good rewatch.”

“Believe me,” Five sighed, holding it to his chest. “I’ll take good care of her.”

“The tape, sir?”

Five coughed. “Yes, the tape.”

Herb turned toward the door, listening as Five sat down before he turned around one more time, staring at the helpless fool who would undoubtedly fall into a pit of despair just as some of the others had–-those who had known Five’s wife, one whom was not held dearly enough, one who was cast to the side, one whom they all pitied at some point or another.

“Just–” Herb looked to the floor “--be careful, will you? Some of this is tough to watch.”

Five laughed. “How hard can it be?”

Herb pursed his lips, but nodded, laughing nervously as he walked out the door. “Have a good one, Mr. Hargreeves.”

“Yeah,” Five said, sliding the tape into the switchboard, “you too, Herb.”

~*~

The first thing he saw was a child erupt from a blue portal–one that was unmistakably his. You were a cute kid, he noted, your age being about six.

But whatever admiration he held for your chubby cheeks and wide eyes was halted by the pool of blood forming a halo around your head, a rock beside you.

He watched first as you were dragged off of the ground and taken to the hospital. He watched with baited breath as the doctors stitched you up and put you into surgery, he watched as you woke up and bit his tongue as you howled with pain so then he could share in it with you, show you that–in his own way–he was still there, that he loved you, that you were loved, that he wanted you to be home with him so he could hold you in his arms instead of watching a child version of you go through something so terrible.

Something that was very clearly his own damn fault, but he elected to ignore that.

And suddenly, a light poked through the tunnel. Two kind people–people that would take care of you for him–poured through the door of the orphanage you were held in, beaten and bruised.

And they did. He held his tongue and watched with adoring eyes as you got yourself into loads of trouble—his little angel always was a troublemaker. He watched you climb trees and scrape your palms while riding a bike. He watched as you slipped away into the night to take walks and try to allow the sea to swallow you whole.

You always were quite charming.

To his disappointment , however, there was one catch. A boy. A disgusting little boy. Tall with golden curls that framed his face and dimples that carved into his cheeks. He noted that you quite enjoyed making him smile.

You would curl into him—Peter, his name was. You would curl into Peter. Not him. Never him.

A mixture of emotions overcame him at that moment. When Peter tucked you into his side and pressed his lips to the top of your head, cold rage flowed through his veins. When he had the gall to hold your hand and guide you through your everyday life—to pull you into some stupid adventures that all children go on—Five could have sworn he’d never felt more murderous than in that moment.

And then it happened.

He thought he’d never be thankful for your parents dying. But he was. By God, he was. It meant that you were swept away from that boy, away from the threat. It would be far better to have no threats to him, to be able to woo you in the proper way.

Five imagined you both. As soon as he calculated his equations correctly, he’d rush to you. He wouldn’t want to scare you, though—of course he’d never wish to scare you, never again. He would “bump into you” one day when you were out and about.

You would be in a sundress—a yellow one. You had always looked absolutely darling in yellow. Or pink. You were a doll in pink.

It didn’t matter what you wore to Five. All that mattered was that from that day he would court you as he should’ve done the first time around. He would go to your house and meet your parents with two bouquets—one for you and one for your mother. He would talk to your father about sports and politics while you were reading one of those romance novels you so adored.

And he would gain your father’s enthusiastic blessing to take you, his darling little princess, on a date. He would take you to an Italian restaurant. One that would impress you, but nothing too fancy. He would never want to make you shy. He would pull out his card first and pay for both of your meals. He would order you a slice of cake to take home afterward before taking you to a nearby creamery and getting you your favorite flavor of ice cream.

And then he’d ask you what you were reading earlier. You would tell him about it and he would listen with the arter of a devotee on a Goddess’ altar—because that is nothing less than what you are—and then he would gently sweep a stray hair behind your ear before pulling you in and pressing a sweet kiss upon your lips.

He’d drive you home. He’d play Elvis—only his sweet songs—and place his hand over yours oh-so-lightly. And then before you left his car, he’d peck your cheek and tell you that he was picking you up the very next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

And that would be how life was for you. He would take care of everything, he knew. He already was. He was so close yet so far to having you. He was trying a million ways to get to you—a million failed attempts to have you in his arms again. 

But none of those attempts would be worth it if you had fallen into the arms of another man. No matter how innocent it seemed.

A man was a man. A boy was a boy. And you would not be going near either of them if he could help it.

He watched as you were carted away by the proper authorities and he sighed. 

If only he’d held you as tightly as he wanted to in that moment when he had the chance.

[lightlycareless]

Since Naoya dyes his hair, do you think his kids would have some sort of confusion(when they’re of a younger age Ofc) when others around them would say they have their daddy’s hair or do you think maybe for a period of time he’d stop dyeing his hair to match with his kids lol. Idk this is a silly thought 🙈

ahahhHHAHAHAH yessssssss This just gave me all sorts of ideas of how to embarrass Naoya as a dad lmao!! It's you know, mandatory. We've all felt that way once in our life!!

But let's start with one thing first 🤭

I want to say that he’ll grow out of it, but honestly, I don’t think so; that man was 27 and he still dyed his hair lol.

But moving on…

At first, yes. They’re going to be a bit confused as to why his dad has this bright yellow color on his hair, when everyone else’s is dark. But once they surpass that confusion, in true innocent nature, they’re going to be nothing but intrigued by it—and hey! Maybe they’ll say “wow, I want my hair like that too!”

Also, they grew up seeing Gojo, and sometimes Nanami (NOW I WANT TO WRITE HIM MEETING NAOMI someone coerce ME QUICKLY) so unusual hair colors don’t surprise them anymore lol.

But as always, when your children begin to grow aware of their surroundings, start questioning things… is when “issues” with Naoya arise.

In other words, the infamous “second-hand embarrassment” towards their parents.

Now, it’s happening for both you and Naoya no matter what you try to do to avoid it. But as of right now, it’s more onto him because he’s the most obvious out of the two.

I mean, the piercings… the hair—it’s screaming “please drop me off two blocks away from the school entrance so my friends won’t make fun of me.”

What they once thought cool, now they can’t stand the sight of it 😂 and it really, really upsets Naoya.

“Why do you paint your hair, dad…?” Naomi would ask one day, dying to do so for like… years now.

“Because I like it.” Naoya responds. “…why do you ask?”

She twists her lips, as if skeptical of his answer, before shrugging and leaving. He’ll tell you about this interaction later that day, but you don’t have the heart to tell him that Naomi once confided in you that she thought it was a bit… weird, mostly since it’s obvious yellow is not his natural color.

Yet, no matter how much you tried, he still gets to hear about it from someone on the staff and boy, does it finally break his heart.

“You don’t like it?” he asks Naomi one day after picking her up from school.

“…No one else has it.” She eventually admits. “My friends think it’s… funny.”

“Do you think it’s funny?” Naoya insists, Naomi simply looks away; she never liked being put on the spot like that, and the conversation ends soon enough.

He sighs, and all he could think of is:

«It’s already started, isn’t it?»

It’s certainly a long way from the days where Naomi was nothing but enthralled by his appearance, admiring him with those big adorable round eyes of hers as she reaches for one of his strands and pulls at it, as if trying to decipher whether his hair was real, or not—or how she’d do the same for his piercings, gently removing her little hands from them so she wouldn’t hurt him, reminiscing on the day you brought her press-on earrings so she could look like him.

Luckily for Naoya, that’s only one stage of their life, for when they grow a bit older and stop caring about those trivial things, they’d actually being to look up to him for advice on how to dye hair or where to get their ears pierced without having to worry about infections and such; the moment the tables turn and they begin to admire him for his style when he was younger, Naoya feels nothing less than amazing, and a bit cocky too 😂.

“Come on daaaad, tell me!! How did you manage to keep your hair with that tint and without it looking like trash???” Naomi would whine; no other color seems to have stuck the way she wanted it, always washing off after one shower or two. “Like, I remember that you even went on missions, and it would still look good!!”

“Ah, so now you like it? What about the kids that thought it was funny looking?” Naoya teases as if that hadn’t hurt his feelings; Naomi rolls her eyes.

“Ugh, whatever… if you don’t want to tell me I guess I’ll just go with Gojo or something, I’m sure he knows a few places or some—”

“No, wait! Don’t go to him! I’ll tell you all you need to know!!”

Just to name a few interactions hahaha.

But either way, I feel that around… probably late 30s Naoya is going to outgrow the whole hair dyeing thing and just let his hair return to its natural dark color.

Everyone around him will take a while to get used to his new appearance, specifically his kids, since it was always blond for as long as they could remember… but they get used to it soon enough. As for you, though, you’re the one that likes it the most and you make sure to let him know whenever possible—he rewards you appropriately that night, I dare say, Naohime was born out of that lol.

“We finally look like a family.” You’d jest one day—as if all his kids didn’t look exactly like him: dark hair, golden eyes…

If anything, you’re the outcast here 😂

Ngl, I wonder what a much older Naoya would look like; would he still have piercings? Grandpa out there still rocking the blonde hair lmao!!!

Ahhh thank you so much for sending in this ask!! While writing this two ideas came to me on the type of dynamic Naoya would have with his baby when she's all grown up; one of them is sweet, the other one is a bit sad :'( we shall see which one I write first 😏

Once again, thank you so much for sending in this!! I had fun :> Take care, and hope to see you soon!!

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

ep 7. let's be happy together | myj, jjk

sugar, spice, and everything nice ep 7. let's be happy together.

pairing(s): yoonji x reader x jungkook

summary: After that faithful? sinful? night, surely Min Yoonji and Jeon Jungkook were cool now. Surely...? Ah, nope. Looks like a certain someone (their girlfriend) needs to talk (and fuck) some sense into them.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; pan!f!reader; pan!Yoonji; internalized homophobia; fluff; f/f/m relationship; threesome smut (mostly wlw focus, fingering, voyeurism, m-receiving oral damn JK is a lucky man, edging, handjob, f-masturbation, nipple play, pussy slapping, face-fucking); non-idol!AU - Yoonji's POV

--

“Do you always eat like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re starving and gonna die tomorrow.”

Her lunatic swallowed roughly and nodded. “Yeah, kinda. Why?”

Min Yoonji sighed and waved her chopsticks over the steam.

“You remind me of someone, that’s all,” she commented dryly. She tried very hard not to smile. The other woman at the table licked the edge of her lips and smiled back. Yoonji’s resolve cracked a bit.

“Who?”

Speaking of.

The restaurant was noisy and packed full of families. Her partner was wolfing down tteokbokki and sauteed pork as if a food thief was gaining on her fast. Could be likely. A gaggle of elementary-school-age kids was staring at their table intently, although it could have been the black furry cat-head-shaped purse sitting on the table that was catching their interest. Yoonji was fascinated by it too, and fascinated that the woman didn’t seem to mind the stares.

“You’re wearing the first date ‘fit.”

Her cheeks ran hot. It had been a little less than a week since the… incident. She was indeed wearing the sheer aqua top and black dress, figuring the other would notice, or didn’t. Not that it mattered. At all.

“You look cute,” that silky voice remarked with a smirk.

Her heart did a quick pit-a-pat. Yoonji cleared her throat and played it cool. As cool as she could with a bright red face. “And you’re wearing pants for once.”

Surprisingly, somehow their roles had reversed. Loose black t-shirt, grey jeans, black cap. Ink-black nails with silver chrome flames on them. The furry cat bag was the anomaly. Or perfectly suited, depending on if one noticed that the buckles of those black boots were silver cat heads.

Her fellow cat-lover was unfazed. “I wore pants when I met you in the park that time.”

Oh. Yeah. She had almost forgotten. Their first meeting seemed like forever ago. Yoonji had even forgotten about how she wanted that industrial chandelier for her living room. She still had that stupid paper ball pendant light.

“I mean, I wasn’t gonna carry a big heavy box in a miniskirt. You might have liked that though.”

She would have, but she didn’t react to the teasing. One point for Min Yoonji, woohoo. She stared at her noodles, chewing on her lip.

“Can we… talk about Jeon Jungkook?” she hesitantly asked.

“Mhm. Although you can talk to him too, you know. You have a mouth. Talented one too.”

Yoonji was too uncomfortable to relish in the praise. She poked at her food.

“It’s… weird.”

“So weird I got him brooding in my bed after railing me. It was bizarre. Spill it.”

She guiltily glanced up at her. Scrutinizing dark eyes looked back, seemingly bored and scalding her at the same time. Ouch. Those deliciously full lips were dark pink, flushed from the hot meal. Yoonji noted that she was distracting herself again. She sighed. It was true that she hadn’t spoken much yesterday when the group had gathered to go bowling again. Jungkook hadn’t brought her along. Yoonji invited her herself, but the response had been, ah, yeah, not this time, he asked but I figured you two should talk at some point. They didn’t. Instead Yoonji had stuck to a tipsy Kim Taehyung and his off-the-wall conversations. After, she had made up some excuse and quickly gone home.

Jungkook, evidently, had gone and fucked himself to sleep.

Yoonji wished she had thought of that.

With a loud slurp of fish cake, that burning stare told her to get on with it.

“Tch,” Yoonji grumbled. “Ah, I don’t know.”

A cocked eyebrow. “That’s really helpful.”

She glared at the dismissive response. “And what about you, hah? That’s part of my issue too. I don’t get what you two are.”

“That doesn’t really matter,” the other woman replied, taking a sip of water.

“It does.”

“Currently, a lot closer than you are to him, which doesn’t make sense because you’ve known him longer and are in love with him,” was the dry, uninterested response, munching on a piece of lettuce.

It must have been quite hot in the restaurant. Or perhaps the collar of her shirt was too tight.

“I… I-I’m not…” Yoonji sputtered.

The other woman gave her the look.

Shit. She withered. Maybe. Still, Yoonji tapped the air with the end of her chopsticks. “Aren’t you?”

The lettuce disappeared with a crispy crunch. Those lips turned upwards, thoughtful.

“Mmmm. Yes.”

Just like that.

Yoonji stared at her until she turned back.

“What?”

“Are you… Are you being serious?”

The expression Yoonji received was not a withering one, or even one of distrust. It was an analyzing one, searching for her intent. “I know you’re projecting.” Her voice was no longer playful, but calm. “And I can guess why. But I’m going to tell you anyway,” she said, lowering her chopsticks. “As you may have assumed, yes, in the beginning I was hooking up with Jungkook simply because he was hot and obsessed with me. I am not impervious enough to say no to that face. And,” she added, with a half-smile. “Now that you’ve come to know my personality, you know damn well I act the way I act to maintain shallow relationships on purpose. I don’t think I’m a good person. I’m okay with that. But, well, guess who never believed that?”

Her eyes rolled in the fondest of ways.

“I am someone who walks the walk. I gotta put up or shut up. I’ve decided I am not going to deny him simply because I had a bad childhood or a poor self-image. And I’m not going to deny what could potentially make him happy either. I am not conventional. Never was. I do not want to follow the rules, especially unspoken ones that hold no ground. For me, relationships are about honesty and respect. He is honest with me even if it is easier not to be. He respects me over other people’s judgements about me. So, I must be a good judge of character, at the very least. I trust myself. I trust him. And I believe I can trust you, too.”

The other woman shook her head.

“I’ve decided I am not going to deny him simply because I had a bad childhood or a poor self-image. And I’m not going to deny what could potentially make him happy either. I am not conventional. Never was. I do not want to follow the rules, especially unspoken ones that hold no ground. I trust that I am a good judge of character, at the very least. I trust myself. I trust him. And I believe I can trust you, too.”

She raised her head and did not falter as she spoke.

And yet.

And yet, Yoonji balked under that intense gaze, still unable to let go of the unspoken rules that had been alluded to.

“I… I have no right.”

Instead of confirmation, Yoonji received a look of confusion. A tilt of the head even. “Right? No, of course not. There are no rights when it comes to things like this. Just as there are no wrongs – unless I’m mistaken somehow, and you’re planning for the long con, smooth like butter, like a criminal undercover.”

Yoonji blinked blankly at the sudden English phrases.

“… What?��

“Oh, come on. The worldwide number one hit on Billboard Hot 100 for weeks – never mind…”

But even the random jest couldn’t break through years of internalized intrusive thoughts. Despite all of her hard work in becoming a decisive person that vowed to escape the shackles of society, there was more to let go of every day. And, anyway, Yoonji could never prepare for a moment like this. Life was an unpredictable and unforgiving bastard. The possibility of the impossible being possible was a pipe dream.

And yet, now the impossible was waiting for her reply.

The woman in question rested her chin on the back of her hand, narrowing her eyes. Yoonji felt like artwork on display, publicly dissected with sight and mind, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to pull away. After a long ten seconds, her dinner companion exhaled and smiled.

“He is willing to follow our lead, whatever that looks like. He told me so himself. You know he’s got jealousy issues, so that has to mean something.”

Yoonji frowned. “Well, he has also always been a closet pervert.” She puffed her cheeks. “I’m not worried about him.”

Those eyes sparkled with laughter. “Then you’re worried about me? Think I’m gonna stab you in the back over a goofy boy? Rest assured; I would at least have the decency to stab you in the front. And I’d finish the job.”

“Hah, no. Don’t speak nonsense.”

“Then what is it?”

As usual, she got it out of Yoonji too easily.

“It becomes real.”

If she sat Jungkook down and tried to somehow hash out whatever this was, then it was real. It was alive. It was true. All the heart-thumps and cheek flushes and the wanting to hold his hand nonsense. How weird. How thrilling. How complicated and confusing and dangerous such territory was.

Her mind raced with all sorts of thoughts and feelings and complex shit like that.

“All of it becomes real. You. Me. Him. Us. And then what? How do I explain to the rest of my friends? My family? What if I lose you down the line? What if I lose him? What if I lose both of you? I don’t think I could survive that, and that’s selfish and damning to say. It’s also probably the truth. What do we do in the future?”

She felt the sharp poke of the back of chopsticks on her wrist.

“Ow.” Yoonji made a face.

The culprit seemed undeterred.

“You don’t have to explain anything to outside parties for it to be real.”

Yoonji’s brows knitted together. But the other woman simply shook her head, chuckling.

“Share what you want to share. Or don’t. Live life the way you’re comfortable.”

“But you–”

A hand came up to silence her. “Trust me, I don’t need anyone yapping behind my back about how I fucked best friends. Again.” An exasperated eye roll accompanied her words. “Listen to me. I don’t have a family you need to care about. I don’t talk to them and I’m not going to ever again under any circumstance. Jungkook, well, as unhinged as he is, I trust him. I should. I spit in his mouth. As far as I know, he has never told anyone.”

Her panties dampened a bit at the reminder but she ignored it.

Those scorched eyes turned serious.

“Do what you want to do. Yoonji, you have one life. This is your first time. Who cares if it’s messy, confusing, or not understood by others? You have endured hardships and new unknown ones will come. The present is where it’s at. The only promises that are true are the ones that we consciously acknowledge every day. Regardless if you stand still or run forward, time goes on. Do what feels right, now. Trust in you. The future is gonna be okay.”

There was something about that mischievous grin that lit the world with infectious fire and a lust for life.

“Just talk to him. And fuck him, please.”

Yoonji stared at her.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a real piece of work?”

“Feel free to frame a photo of my ass. Oh, and one more thing.”

Her black tote bag had toppled over in the spare chair. Yoonji plucked it upright and then spied the small purple trinket inside. Oh shit. She stuck her hand in, absentmindedly responding with, “Hm?”

“You don’t have to wear girly clothes if you don’t want to. I know you’re only wearing them to flirt with me, which I appreciate.”

The item in her bag was evading her grasp. She tried not to make it too obvious as she looked back up, frowning. “What are you talking about?”

The chopsticks waved in the air. “Just saying that you should wear what you feel comfortable in. Don’t do it for my sake.” That cocky tteokbokki-enthusiast winked. “I won’t forget what all your bits look like. Believe in me.”

Yoonji narrowed her mouth and eyes into lines.

“Tch.”

That was the exact reason but she wasn’t going to admit it so easily. Then Yoonji shook her head, sighing.

“Actually,” she said, releasing the tension in her shoulders. “I was going to wear something else before I saw the tags were still on these clothes.” And recalled how she had felt in them. Pretty. Why am I afraid of being pretty? The reasons were obvious now, even if Yoonji hadn’t known her subconscious avoidance back then. “It seemed like a waste, so I wore them.”

“Hm, ho. Nothin’ to do with me, huh?”

She tried not to balk under that knowing, amused expression. Clothes are just clothes, Yoonji reminded herself stubbornly. But. She thought about it for a moment. Then figured it couldn’t hurt to ask. “I’d like to try your clothes sometime. To try different things and not be intimidated by it.”

The other woman raised her eyebrows. “Uh…? Really?” She tilted her head as if seeing Yoonji in a different light. Grinned again, sending her heart aflutter once more. “Ah, yeah. I would like that. Dunno if you can tell, but I’m pretty proud of my closet.”

This entire time Yoonji had been fiercely clutching and squeezing the soft purple plush keychain in her hand – stress relief, probably – and finally she let go, quickly pulling it out of her tote bag and holding it out. Her dinner companion recognized it instantly.

Her face lit up like fireworks, excitedly exclaiming, “Gengar!”

It was hard to place, and yet Yoonji swore she had seen that wide-eyed joyous expression somewhere before. She impatiently shoved the Pokémon keychain toward her. “I saw it on my way here.”

“For me?”

A simple gift was not supposed to generate this kid-at-a-candy-store exuberance. “Uh, yeah. Who else is here that loves Gengar like you?” Yoonji muttered awkwardly. “Take him.”

“Ah, thanks!”

The little plush Ghost Pokémon jumped off her palm and to his new home. Yoonji had never seen her smile like that. She watched her happily clip the Gengar keychain onto her black sling bag and pet the top of its head with precious, childish innocence. She even gave him a little affectionate squeeze, her shoulders shaking with glee at her new friend. It gave Yoonji a warm, settled feeling for some reason.

And then she realized.

Her reaction reminded Yoonji of Jungkook.

Fuck.

-

Min Yoonji and Jeon Jungkook stared at each other, wide-eyed, not speaking a damn word.

Yup.

This was totally working out.

Not sure what she expected after sending that text. Can you come over sometime this week? I think we should talk. It made her feel pathetic sending such a message. Wasn’t like her at all. Necessary? Duh. Did she want to? Hell no. Once again, she was reminded of why she chose to be alone. Or thirst from afar. I don’t need this. Sure, she didn’t. Meanwhile, Jungkook was fiddling with the hem of his big white t-shirt and chewing on his lower lip, looking everywhere but her face. Since when had Yoonji become a scaredy cat? Since this dumbass admitted to having feelings for me. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a grey beanie that he seemed tempted to pull over his entire face. Do I like him or not? Yes, she did. But what do I wanna do about it? She didn’t know. Fuckity fuck. Fuckity fuck was right.

She rubbed her fist against the smooth fabric of her black skirt and sighed.

Jungkook stole a look at her.

Yoonji pretended there was a stray fluff coming off her faded charcoal crop top. She had cut an old band t-shirt in half just because. Impulse. And also because she felt that she didn’t have a top that matched with this new black skirt she brought, which had been an impulsive purchase. Just because. It wasn’t that she was attempting to be more accepting her inner femininity in some small way by wearing a single piece of traditional gender-aligning clothing.

Yeah

Sure.

“Is that new?” he asked hesitantly.

She paused and patted her covered thighs. “Y… Yeah. I didn’t have a basic like this, so I figured…” An awkward trail off.

“Cool.”

Silence again.

Yeah, Yoonji didn’t know what the fuck she was supposed to be saying.

Time to call in the big guns.

“Jungkook.”

He sat up, attentive. “Y-Yes?”

She wanted to slap some sense into them both but ultimately violence wasn’t going to solve this. Unfortunately. “Could you please… Could you call her?”

He pulled out his phone from his jeans. Said her name automatically, as if he was thinking it too. Without honorifics. Then he reddened, fake coughing to his own fake rescue. “I mean, noona?”

Yoonji knew they were both gonna get shit for it. She didn’t care. “Yeah. Do it.”

Less than a minute later, they were greeted with a sing-songy, “Helloooo?”

He stuck his cell phone out on his palm, between them, putting the recipient on speaker. That thing is huge. Like his – never mind that, pushing the thought away. Yoonji noticed he had a silver chain bracelet on his right wrist now. He was a gold guy. A gift? Perhaps he borrowed it from a certain someone. The bright silver shone in the light. It looked nice with his dark tattoos.

His forearm was very nicely defined.

“Ah, hey, noona.” Jungkook sounded just as anxious and jittery as Yoonji felt.

The voice on the other side of the phone sounded playfully irate. “Hm, aren’t you supposed to be with Yoonji right now?”

“I–”

“I’m here,” Yoonji spoke up.

A pause. “Uh, why are you calling, then?”

“We can’t talk,” she clarified. Jungkook nodded even though he couldn’t be seen.

An even longer pause.

“Are you two shitting me right now?”

“No,” she replied flatly.

And didn’t elaborate.

There was prolonged silence. Yoonji was sure the person on the other side of the line was in disbelief and staring at her device that it had three heads. What did she expect? It wasn’t like she gave them guidelines or anything. Jungkook tilted his phone to peer at it, probably confused or worried it had disconnected. Yoonji took his wrist and pulled it back to her, scolding him with her eyes. He pouted, but didn’t resist.

At last, an exasperated sigh interrupted the tension.

“Well, did you tell him you wanna suck his dick? That usually gets his jaw moving.”

“N-Noona!”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Don’t you?”

The tops of her cheeks felt very warm. Yoonji glanced at him. She cursed the gods and his parents for giving Jeon Jungkook his amazing combination of genetics. The fuck he needs those big, starry, fall-for-you eyes for? He looked a mix between frightened and hopeful.

“Kinda,” she mumbled.

They could practically hear the roll of the eyes over the phone. “Okay, then stick half his dick in your mouth then.”

The aggravation was setting in. “You think I won’t?” Yoonji shot back.

“At the trajectory this is going, no, I don’t.”

She glowered, clenching her jaw. Jungkook started, backing away slightly. She kept the tight grip of his wrist and yanked him back. “Then tell us what we’re supposed to be talking about.”

“The fuck I need to do that for?” Their maybe-kinda girlfriend sounded as irritated as Yoonji felt about this entire situation. “You’re both adults. Sort yourselves out.”

“You started this,” Yoonji snapped stubbornly.

But even this minor squabble was calming her nerves. Just knowing she was there, a phone call close, was a wash of relief.

How strange.

“I started what? A sex cult?” A puff of hot air. “You know what? Fine. Jungkook.” He squeaked, either to confirm his existence or because Yoonji viciously squeezed his hand. “Remember you said you had something to tell her? Go on. Just say it.”

He tried to catch her eye. She deliberately avoided him, staring at her coffee table.

“Yoonji-ah, I really want to try and make this work. Us. Together.”

She felt her hand tremble a bit so she gripped him tighter to make it stop. His voice still trembled, but there was a resolve to it now. Not rehearsed. Simply honest.

“I… No, we. We’re not strangers, you know? I think we could… I get it if you don’t want to, if you only want noona and not me, but…” He stumbled a bit through his words, but the voice on the other side of the phone did not.

“No. We are a package deal. Like I said at dinner the other day, Jungkook is important to me. He’s given me too much for me to disrespect that for someone else.”

Embarrassment quivered in Jungkook’s tone. “I… I know it sounds selfish, and I am… I know.” He cleared his throat, attempting to be more resolute. “Even still, I wanted to ask you. If there’s any chance at all, any chance that I, that we can be…? If there’s any chance that you can accept us.”

She almost let go of his hand.

Didn’t.

The conversations haunted her. Listen to me. If there’s any chance that you can accept us. She heard them, and yet. “I can’t.” Yoonji mumbled, blinking hard. Took in a deep, shaky breath. “I can’t do this.” She didn’t know who she was truly referring to. Maybe them. Maybe herself. Maybe fate itself. “I want this to work so bad. I want to know the right answer so I will never lose you both. But I don’t know. I can’t promise I won’t ruin everything, us, your relationship with each other. And I’m gonna break for real if I fuck this up. Twice the pain? I can’t.” You’re surprisingly stubborn. “I know. And I know I’m running. I have to. I have to run.” Her chest tight, suffocating. That splinter of envy, that knife twisting within. She tried to breathe and it was more difficult than she thought it would be.

A finger brushed against her cheek.

“Don’t cry.”

She backed up a little. Reached up herself and there it was. Clear, sparkling drops glimmered on her fingertips. Slipping down her face. Jungkook was wiping them off her cheek, worry etched on his face. Shaky breath, and the tears continued to fall.

“You… the guys…”

Yoonji grabbed Jungkook’s hand and held it tightly.

“You all s-saved my life.”

His big eyes were full of stars that had lit the darkness and he didn’t even know.

“You helped me believe in me.”

She took in a shivering breath, trying to sniffle back her tears. His gaze softened from surprise to soothing. He carefully turned his hand so he could hold hers too, covering her fingers with warmth. He smiled in that clumsy comforting kind of way and it was perfect.

“I’m just a kid who doesn’t know anything,” Jungkook said ruefully. “All you did was put up with my bullshit.”

She shook her head, strands of her hair sticking to her cheek. “No, I–”

“Yoonji.”

Her refusal was cut off by a soft but firm voice. She glanced down at the phone in their hands. It was still connected. Still there despite this catastrophe of a call. She let go of Jungkook’s hand but only to wipe her face as she wetly mumbled back, “What?”

“If you don’t want this, say it.”

She let Jungkook use his palm to pat away the last of the crying. “I… I don’t…” But Yoonji trailed off, knowing it was false. She missed his smile. His laugh. The way he would lift her up as if she was nothing and carry her around just to piss her off. The way he scooted in close to learn how to cook from her with earnest. The way he was always there, his hand on her back, his head on her shoulder, saying again, wow, Yoonji-ah, you’re so good at music, and making her heart flutter as he said it.

She placed her hand on Jungkook’s arm and stroked his skin with her fingertips.

“But, remember… As a wise woman once said, life is too short to not try.”

Yoonji let out a weak chuckle at those familiar words.

The audacity.

“You’re such a bitch.”

The response was a sinister snicker. “You’re welcome. Now I’m gonna go so you two can fuck and make up. Bye.”

“Hey,” Yoonji called after her.

“What?”

“Have…”

She bit her lip, debating on whether or not she should ask. So, instead, she looked up and stared into those big brown orbs. Trust that I trust you. His lips parted in question, tilting his head in confusion. He proved to me that a body is more than just a body. The answer was right there. Still, she wanted to hear it for herself.

“Have you ever been in love?” Yoonji asked her while staring into Jungkook’s eyes.

A pause.

“I am in love,” was the answer.

A pink flush crept to his cheeks. Relentless, she didn’t break eye contact.

“Come to my apartment so I can tell you, face to face, too?”

“Is…” Whimsical laughter drifted up between them. “Is that a threat, Min Yoonji?”

She tilted her head.

“Yes.”

She pressed the end call button and kissed Jungkook.

Their first kiss had been in the heat of the moment, punctuated by lust burning all over. In the second kiss, she felt him. His two lip rings pressing into the side of her mouth. His gentleness, carefully brushing her hair away from her face. His taste seeping onto her tongue. His thumbs pressed into her cheeks and he cleaned away the residual tears, bringing her closer to him. Jeon Jungkook was a big tough guy, but not to Yoonji.

He handled her with care.

-

“Oh. You’re not the owner of the home. Never mind. In any case, don’t you look marvelously disheveled–”

Jungkook didn’t let her finish.

He yanked her into Yoonji’s apartment and slammed the front door before pinning the beautiful woman to the wood and kissing her deeply. His shirt was somewhere on the floor. His beanie was behind the sofa. His jeans were partly unbuttoned and it was all Yoonji’s fault.

She lay on the sofa. Lips swollen from rough kisses, her skirt bunched to her waist, her body still tingling from orgasm as she watched them.

Crazy.

Yoonji vaguely recollected taking Jungkook’s hands and placing them onto her waist. Recalled pushing his beanie off and running fingers through his hair, messing it up, lip-locked, drowning in kiss after kiss. They probably should have talked about it or something. Then again, talking was clearly neither of their strong suit. She remembered grabbing the bottom of his shirt and pulling it up and over his head, exposing his chest to her roaming fingertips. And she remembered him pulling her shirt over her head too, whipping it past the coffee table. Remembered how they shared a hungry breath, need and instinct and anticipation, as he turned and covered her body with his larger one, trapping her between the sofa and him.

Her hand on his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat under her palm.

His breathing ragged, staring down at her, his delicate voice quivering.

“I… Sorry… Don’t mean to get carried away–”

And without a word, Yoonji had slid her hand up and covered his mouth, reaching up with the other to touch his inked forearm. His hand. Pulling it towards her, down, between her legs, and she turned her wrist with one swift movement, kissing Jungkook while pressing two of his fingers into her.

Insane.

She had never done that before. Making out while getting fingered. Hadn’t wanted to.

He was good at it.

Probably had a lot of practice.

She had wanted to be the one to open the door, but currently she couldn’t move. And her clothes were fucked by this point. She had motioned Jungkook when the intercom dinged, and he didn’t need any more incentive, giving her a quick kiss before ravishing another. Their guest looked pretty today too. The tight, black velvet dress clung to her curves, barely covering her upper thighs – was that flash of silver a zipper down the center, you rascal – and she gasped as Jungkook cupped their lover’s chin and tipped it to his right hand, sliding his fingers into her soft lips.

She watched the deft pink tongue slide between his fingers.

“Heh, you’ve been busy,” that silken voice slurred. Yoonji could feel her radiating smugness from the damn living room couch. “What a slut you’ve become.”

The desperate groan from him made Yoonji shiver with pleasure. Shit, I’m tainted too. She watched his hips roll into hers, and a slim, sexy leg hooked around him. She was wearing simple black heels. Rush out the door shoes. That nimble tongue licked the air enticingly, beckoning. Even Yoonji was losing her mind at the sight. Jungkook was no better, bending to her will and kissing her again, her name a breathless plea.

“What is it?”

That purr was dangerous.

His other hand was fumbling at her décolletage. The sound of a zipper unravelling, and slowly the velvet slipped away, skin and lingerie exposed to their hungry eyes.

“Use me,” Jungkook begged, his low tone desperate. “P-Please.”

It was insane how down bad he was and it was also insane how much Yoonji reveled in it. Not exactly because she wanted it for herself, no. They had a different, softer dynamic. But seeing this contrast come out of him was…

Hot.

Really fucking hot.

Maybe Yoonji was a slut for duality.

She was definitely a voyeur.

That was probably something to dissect for later. That was future Yoonji’s problem. Present Yoonji was appreciating the curves clad in classic, simple, well-fitted black bra and panties. She watched her squat down, her skin tingling at the sight of those legs, memories of those thighs pressed to her cheeks rising to the surface. Yoonji had witnessed this once. The second time was better. She had a much better angle. Jeans pushed down, followed by boxer briefs. He was pretty damn hard. Not quite full girth though. Yoonji bit her lip, remembering how she had cupped her hand around his growing hardness while he had fingered her.

Now she watched it disappear into another woman’s mouth.

Her pussy throbbed.

She didn’t want to touch herself yet. That probably meant she was a masochist.

Oh well.

The blowjob wasn’t like the pornos. There was nothing obstructing Yoonji’s vision because she didn’t use her hands to assist. She took him all the way to the base with ease. Classy and violently attractive. Her movement was swift, thorough, back and forth, the tip of her tongue moving past her lips in a flickering arc, turning his length glossy with wet friction.

His hand was on her head, his head falling back as he moaned.

Seeing those breasts bounce with every thrust was cracking Yoonji’s resolve not to touch herself. There wasn’t anyone telling her not to. She didn’t because no one told her to and she wasn’t ready to admit just was how down bad she was getting, knowing that in the future this would become one of many witnessed blowjobs.

Her pussy was definitely dripping all over her damn cushions.

And then all of a sudden that evil seductress stopped, pulling back and letting Jungkook’s dick slap her in face.

Yoonji was pretty sure a significant amount gushed out of her right then.

Frustrated, he punched the door and whined, “Noona, fuck, I was so close…”

“I know,” was the gleeful reply. “But someone is waiting for us.”

The hairs on the back of Yoonji’s neck stood on end. She knew what was coming.

Those predator eyes.

Yes, please.

“Well, look at you. Looking so ready to be devoured.”

She had watched her kick off her heels, so devil-may-care and so stylish at the same time, watched her cross the distance, and now the temptress with the burning eyes was descending on Yoonji. There was no time to be embarrassed. Poised arms, hands on the back of the sofa, that wild hair spilling over shoulders. Trapping Yoonji. She looked up as that sensual body covered hers, shrouding her in shadow.

“Miss me?” the other woman teased, licking the edge of her smirk.

She burned under that gaze, the coiling fire searing in her lower belly.

Couldn’t wait.

Say it now.

“Against all my better judgement, I really fucking love you,” Yoonji whispered.

That smirk widened.

“Well, fuck me. You meant what you said, huh?”

Yoonji cocked her head. “Figured I’d steal a page outta your book.”

A tense stare down.

“Take it back.”

Her eyes narrowed.

“No.”

Those darkened eyes glittered.

“Then let’s suck a dick, lovergirl.”

The stubborn earth could tolerate a torrential downpour and blazing wildfire, right?

Jungkook didn’t know what hit him.

“Uh, what–gah!”

In retrospect, Yoonji was glad it happened this way. She was no stranger to desire, yet she recognized that hers was simple, straightforward, and never quite satisfied. She craved creativity, but without drive it seemed too much a struggle to achieve. In short, her libido, personality, and instinctive inspiration-to-action were all at odds. She had figured that she would probably always feel this disconnect, and maybe she would just have to settle in this area. Relationships were about compromise and all that. And, anyway, she didn’t believe in soulmates or the right person. In short, she had good sex, but she had never thought that she had great sex – until that night in her bedroom with Jungkook and their lover.

And now it was happening again.

Well, she had never considered that perhaps her soulmate was unhinged. After all, would the right person for Yoonji drag her to her knees and shove her face into Jungkook’s balls? Probably not. Was this aggression insanely arousing and exciting?

Yeah.

Her lovely aggressor slunk down next to Yoonji, wrapping her hand around Jungkook’s half-hard cock. He might as well have been a prop to this searing showdown below him.

“Noona, what are you–”

And then she rubbed the leaking head into Yoonji’s jaw, smearing pre-cum upwards. Leaned in, bringing close that persistent heat, and licked, trapping his cock between wet tongue and soft cheek. She felt him twitch, getting harder. Felt that tongue wrapping around the shaft and sliding back and forth, curling around the velvety head. Rubbing, floating along the length, kissing the hardness into her face. Yoonji stiffened, able to sense it all, her breathing shallowing, possessed by the wrongness of such performative foreplay. Used as part of it. She could feel saliva and cum dripping onto her skin, creating a slick surface to increase sensitivity, and Jungkook was moaning above them, but all she could hear was a damning whisper by her ear.

“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?”

So Yoonji pressed her lips to Jungkook’s balls and got to work.

Cupped her tongue under one and slid it into her mouth, surprised by the smoothness. Then again, he was meticulously clean about his appearance in general. Perhaps she shouldn’t be shocked. How lucky for her. Yoonji had always wanted to do this, but no one had ever deserved it or was patient enough, and so now she let her mouth run wild, sucking, licking, switching from one to another, stretching her tongue out past her closed lips and covering him in spit. She felt the hand above her begin moving back and forth, firm and fast. Yoonji tilted her head back, licking further inward, and watched Jungkook get jacked off by someone else while she sucked his balls.

Damn.

Jungkook was standing in her living room, naked, with two hot women next to his legs in their underwear, getting the best manhandling of his life to date.

Lucky guy.

“A-Ah, h… harder… please…”

Seemed a shame that he was the only one having fun. Yoonji’s hand snaked down between her legs, rubbing herself through her soaked panties with her mouth full. She was vaguely aware that the other woman was very close to her, however she didn’t think much of it until she felt her bra unclasp.

This b–

She didn’t even have time to properly think her insult because a dexterous hand slid around her side, under her hanging bra. Against better judgement, Yoonji glanced down and spied graceful fingers tipped with silver-flamed black nails snake around her breast, gently cupping, the pad of the index rubbing her hardening nipple.

“Don’t stop,” that sublime, dream-like voice purred in her ear.

A muffled whine boiled in her throat, but Yoonji obeyed all the same, tugging down her now-useless undergarment and tossing it aside, before going back to rubbing frantic circles over her panty-covered clit, sucking harder as she felt the teasing of her nipple increase to rapid flicks and tugging pinches. She shut her eyes, knowing Jungkook was watching everything, getting off on it, getting off on me, and her whole body burned, shivered, delighted in that thought, bouncing his wet balls with her tongue, her saliva running down her chin, close, the undeniable fire rising.

Another body – feminine, powerful, dominating – pressed against her back.

“Cum in my mouth, Jungkook.”

Her chest tight, heartbeat like thunder, and Yoonji caved to the pleasure, gasping and slumping to her knees, harsh spasms shooting up from her throbbing, soaked core. Panting. Her eyes cracked open, seeing Jungkook’s hips jerk and their girlfriend leaned over, mouth open, catching the white strings of cum from his twitching cock, covering the head with her lips and swallowing as Yoonji stroked her neglected pussy after orgasm.

She reached over, fumbling for an anchor, gripping the other woman’s thigh.

Watched that expert mouth suck him clean, taking him all the way to the base, even as he squirmed, whined, almost buckled. Stayed there for suspended, spellbound seconds. Yoonji glanced up. His head was tipped back. Sweat beaded over his tense pecs. Clearly something was happening in the depths because Jungkook’s cries were morphing into desperate pleas for more, ah, p-please, again.

No words.

She simply removed her mouth and Yoonji replaced it with hers.

He was bigger than she thought.

Deeper, and Yoonji was still stunned by his hardness and size even though she had already seen it. Well, also amazed that he had continued to be this hard after an orgasm. There is magic in that mouth, though. She didn’t bother with trying to fit the length when she wasn’t used to giving blowjobs – it had been a while, sadly – so instead she focused on pace and steadiness. She felt a hand lightly press between her shoulder blades. With fingertips, she was guided to a rhythm she followed religiously, a-ah, please tighter, like that, oh, I like t-that, and she placed her hands on his sturdy thighs, gripping tightly, savoring him with mouth and hands.

Satisfied, the hand on her back began migrating.

Lips hovered by her ear.

Sweet, warm breath.

“You look good with your mouth full of Jungkook’s cock.”

Yoonji couldn’t respond or retort back. She could only crumble as those efficient hands covered her breasts, playing with them, toying with her hard nipples, all while she tried to keep her composure, moaning in her throat. Pleasure sparked from her chest, simmering through her nerves, feeling the now-uncovered breasts press to her back. Yoonji ran her tongue along the underside of Jungkook’s cock, shivering from the uninhibited low moan above her head. She was aware that he was praising her but unable to fully comprehend it, trapped between bodies. Her nipples were stinging with pleasure. Pinching. Rubbing. Rolling between fingertips. It was probably her stifled moans that were giving her away but Yoonji didn’t care, addicted to the lust, arching her back and spreading her legs more, her greedy pussy aching for punishment.

One hand left her chest.

Pinched her nipple hard as an open palm came smacking down on her exposed thigh.

A starved whine vibrated in Yoonji’s chest and sent Jungkook into a shuddering moan.

“You like that?”

She could only whimper in reply, keeping her mouth filled with hard, twitching cock.

“What about…?”

The hand slid down a little further. Yoonji’s breathing instantly quickened, moaning as she felt one of her nipples being flicked. It started a light pat against saturated fabric first. She made an approving noise and took Jungkook deeper, getting a better angle to bury the swollen head into her throat. Now her knees were on the floor, spread wide, and the pats became harder, more insistent. She encouraged it with renewed enthusiasm and bucking her hips to the hand, until they were damp, sticky slaps radiating throughout the room.

Smack!

Indecent ecstasy rushed up her torso and into her head, making her dizzy.

Jungkook’s strong hand had navigated to the back of her head and tangled in her hair, leading her to increase the speed. He’s watching me, fuck, that’s so hot, gasping with her as two fingers gripped her nipple and pulled, lifting up her breast a little.

“You like getting your pussy slapped, Yoonji?” her husky, devious succubus whispered into her ear.

No chance in hell was she going to admit that.

Not that she could because her mouth was full of cock.

This bitch.

But Yoonji was folding, yielding into the oncoming pleasure, her hips involuntarily flinching towards each slap, further shackled by an arm wrapped around her as her free hand switched to her other ignored nipple, feebly rubbing the abused one, hitting her own high with a gargled moan. She wasn’t moving her head anymore due to the orgasmic bliss. Thankfully Jungkook had gotten the hint and was slowly fucking her mouth, stimulating himself without going too deep. The slaps became fast, determined rubs right on her clit. Yoonji let him use her, tightening her throat as her trembling pussy drenched her panties again.

She came, hard, with Jungkook’s heady, thick orgasm flooding her tongue.

They moaned together, both nonsensical, but inevitably the same name.

Hot, devilish tongue flickered against Yoonji’s ear.

“Still sure you love me after knowing what’s yet to come?”

Yes.

Absolutely yes.

-

Yoonji received surprised looks when she pulled the box out of her nightstand.

“Uh? How’d you know, Yoonji-ah?”

She pursed her lips and held up the other object behind the box. “You left the spare condom behind. So I figured it was the preferred brand.”

“Oooh, so smart!”

“Clever girl.”

The night had been quite eventful.

Afterward, poor Jungkook was face-down again in a deep sleep. He was a hard worker, but he was no match for them. Especially for the conductor of this sex fest, who happily drained him four condoms later with Yoonji pinned down by her expert mouth. Kissing, touching, shivering from the friction of their bodies rubbing against each other with each thrust. In truth, Yoonji had simply wanted to touch her and be touched rather than orgasm again. She had already worked hard, after all. The tingling still remained, especially on her lips and breasts. Yoonji wiped herself down with a towel in the kitchen, letting her guest use the bathroom. She wasn’t quite sure why she hadn’t asked Jungkook to penetrate her.

Maybe she had enough dick in her lifetime and wanted a different flavor.

Heh.

She ignored her heated ears and took the towel with her, tossing it in the laundry on her way to the bedroom. It would have been silent, if it wasn’t for Jungkook’s heavy breathing. Yoonji pulled the covers up a bit more and patted his back. She noticed the faded bite marks on his shoulders. Freak. But an adorable one, she added fondly. She couldn’t give him that. Not to the degree he wanted. She could acknowledge that without much guilt, because he could get it without her while Yoonji could be satisfied in other ways. It occurred to her that she was beginning to think this dynamic suited her.

Maybe I’m a freak too. But only a little.

She reminded herself that everybody tells themselves lies every once in a while. Nothing wrong with that.

“Waiting for me?”

She turned and scowled at the woman leaning against the doorframe, a white hand towel over her shoulder. Yoonji didn’t know how she did it. Body of a lady, dressed like a lady, and acted like a cocky son-of-a-gun. Emphasis on cock and how much she seemed to be into it.

“No, princess,” Yoonji sarcastically replied.

The response was a light snicker, stepping into the room and closing the distance. She moved to sit next to Yoonji, but Yoonji moved faster, pointing towards the center of the bed. She raised an eyebrow. Yoonji lightly pushed her in between her and dozing Jungkook. It was only then that she obliged.

“Something wrong?”

She kept her face indifferent. “No, just…” She shook her head. “Jimin and Taehyung always said Jungkook likes grabbing onto people when he’s asleep. But I’m a light sleeper. I’m dealing with the snoring, but touching me when I’m asleep makes me jittery and jumpy.”

“Ah, I see.”

Yoonji pulled the towel down and folded it, putting it on her nightstand. The only light on was the lamp by her bedside. “I might scroll on my phone a bit. I’ve always had trouble falling asleep.”

“Me too.”

Even so, Yoonji didn’t pick up her phone. She reached down and pulled up the duvet, covering them both. Her partner tugged a little harder, unraveling Jungkook a bit. He made a disgruntled noise and flopped an arm over her. Didn’t wake up though. Amazing. Although perhaps he was used to it.

“Hey… uh.”

“Mmm?”

The hum settled. Yoonji looked over and found her staring back. She seemed to have expected her inquiry. Her dark pink lips quirked into a half-smile.

“We’re… We’re a thing, right?” she asked those scorching eyes.

A playful head tilt. “Hm, I’d say so. At the very least I’d like to eat your pussy a couple more times before you decide to cut loose.”

She narrowed her eyes and smacked her thigh.

“Be serious.”

It was dark but Yoonji swore she saw something in in her expression shift.

“Ah, why so serious, though?”

She lowered her gaze and grasped the duvet a little tighter.

“Because, I am serious.”

She raised her chin again, and her lover did too.

“I don’t do anything I don’t want to do,” the other woman said quietly, lifting her hand and covering Yoonji’s knuckles. Her touch was warm. “And I don’t think you should either. We will figure it out as long as we’re honest. And talk to each other. Which I guess means I might have to interfere often when it comes to you and loverboy.”

She chewed on her lip. “Aren’t you worried about me fucking up? You fucking up?”

A stifled laugh. “Nope.”

Yoonji frowned.

Her girlfriend smiled.

“Well, obviously depends if it was on purpose or not. But we all fuck up. It’s what you do after that defines you.”

She wondered out loud. “Aren’t you afraid of anything?”

“Afraid?” She pondered the word, as if it was quite peculiar. “I think I gave up on being afraid a long time ago. I get sad, of course. Frustrated. But, afraid? I didn’t think I’d make it this far in the first place. I ended up making choices that a lot of people wouldn’t agree with and will continue to do so,” she added with a scoff, rubbing the back of Yoonji’s hand. “If this ends, I will learn from it and be better. If it doesn’t, then…”

They locked eyes.

“Let’s be happy together.”

She turned her hand and squeezed hers.

“All of us,” Yoonji whispered, unable to raise her voice lest the inner flood break.

Smirk. “Yeah.”

She leaned over and kissed her on the lips ever-so-lightly.

After a breathless moment, Yoonji drew away. They stared at each other, two kindred spirits of the night, and Min Yoonji couldn’t believe that a failed Karrot purchase, multiple awkward situations, and the horny-and-probably-unwise decisions of a certain Jeon Jungkook would put her here, right in front of her almost-angel-mostly-devil person. Plus, the weirdness between her and Jungkook was finally gone.

Yoonji couldn’t ask for anything more.

“I almost threw up in my mouth a little bit at all that sappy shit,” she muttered.

“Yeah… Don’t get used to it, lovergirl.”

They slid down into bed more comfortably. Yoonji reached over and turned off the light.

“Hey, Yoonji.”

“What?”

She felt a hand by her neck. Fingers drew back her hair, patting her head. The warm whisper was teasing, close to her ear. “Remember when you said you loved me?”

“No,” she grumbled.

“Ah, right. Well, then. I won’t say it back.”

She reached back and grabbed the retreating hand, yanking it back roughly. There was a short tug-of-war that nobody was trying to win. Yoonji still put up a valiant effort, but in the end she was pinned down slightly with her wrist by her sternum. The lovely, silken voice lowered, right above her ear.

“I love you,” she whispered to her. “But, more than that, I look forward to loving you in the future.”

Yoonji pressed her hand to her beating heart.

“You tell Jungkook that, too?”

She did not say it enviously. Curiously, because she wondered. Because Yoonji was a little afraid that she wasn’t emotionally available enough for him. Because she knew he needed more, so she hoped, maybe…

“I say I love you.” The cheerful little laugh tickled her ear. “But I always tell him I look forward to fucking him even more in the future. That’s his love language.”

Why was Yoonji not surprised?

“Of course it is.”

“I’m looking forward to further learning your love languages, Yoonji.”

To be honest, she was pretty sure the other woman already knew somehow. But she didn’t press it at the moment. The tiredness was turning into sleepiness faster than she expected. Physical exertion did that. Yoonji woozily mumbled her name, holding onto her pillow tightly.

“And I, yours.”

-

– some time later –

“Hey.”

“Oh! You…”

She paused at his wide stare, holding tightly onto the strap of her new crossbody bag. Simple and black, matching the black leather of her miniskirt. The skirt wasn’t new. It was borrowed, as was the tight white crop t-shirt and oversized charcoal shirt jacket.

“You look really pretty, Yoonji-ah,” Jeon Jungkook said, taken aback.

Min Yoonji still wore her slouchy long socks and sneakers though. Black-and-white Jordans. She had realized pretty quickly that she still didn’t like heels that much. “Thanks.” There was some self-consciousness about the paleness of her slim legs on such a sunny day. Sunscreen and her black cap were a must today. They would be inside soon, though. “You look the same.”

The blunt remark seemed to knock Jungkook out of his trance.

“Hey!”

White t-shirt, light blue jeans with rips and a hanging silver chain, black sneakers. Sunglasses hanging on the center of his shirt. He still wore the several wooden bead ones on his left wrist and the silver bracelet on his right wrist. Yoonji knew by now that he had stolen it from a certain someone. It was a wonder that he wasn’t blind with how low his black bucket hat was. Then again, Jungkook had big peepers. His cheeks flushed pink.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to dress up.”

“You would probably combust if you dress up for once in your life,” she agreed. The sunscreen he was wearing was making his skin glow and his dark tattoo sleeve stand out. He was getting some looks from passerby, but Jungkook didn’t seem to notice at all. He held onto his phone. Kept looking Yoonji up and down.

“I can look nice,” he was protesting, but then their bickering was interrupted.

“Aiyooo!”

Both she and Jungkook turned to see a certain someone jogging toward them in chunky heeled boots. The blazing sun caught the edges of her dazzling smile and filtered through her wild hair whipping behind her as she ran. Jeez, she’s crazy, but it was a fond thought. Yoonji recognized the Epik High t-shirt and Jungkook seemed to recognize it too, shooting her a quick confused glance before their girlfriend slowed down in front of them. She had paired the t-shirt with a black pleated skirt and a white zip-up hoodie draped over her elbows. Same ol’ black sling bag. The plush Gengar keychain swung to a stop against her chest, grinning in that naughtily cheerful way as all brats did.

“Isn’t that…?”

“Yoonji’s? Uh huh. I borrowed it. Borrowed your hoodie too. Thanks, JK.”

“Ah, I’ve been wondering where that went! Noona!”

“Where’s your hat?” Yoonji chuckled. “You need sun protection.”

A swift hand reached up, patting down that wild hair. “Ah, shit. I knew I forgot something at your place.”

Yoonji realized with a start that the glittery, shimmery nail polish on those five fingers were all different.

Red, yellow, green, blue, purple.

Rainbow nails.

“It’s okay, we’re about to go into the aquarium anyway. Maybe I’ll buy a fish-themed hat in the gift store.” The carefree, warm expression returned. “You two ready to do the Animal Crossing scavenger hunt?”

“Uh?” Jungkook wondered out loud. “Oh, I think I saw something about that on the news. A bunch of fish exhibits with stamp stations.”

“Uh huh, uh huh. And whales and sharks too.”

“I should have known this was really about games,” Yoonji teased. “I was shocked that you wanted to do something outside for once.”

She raised a hand in a defensive manner. “Ey, I brought you two something too, since you agreed to be dragged along by my request.” Before either of them could say otherwise, she swung the sling bag around and pulled out two brightly-colored vouchers. “Here. Waterskiing for you and Jungkook. I won them from work.” She held them out and indeed.

Two water-skiing coupons for an afternoon by the sea.

“Whoa, cool!”

Yoonji took one tentatively as Jungkook accepted his, reading the location and available dates out. “But there’s only two. What about you?”

Their girlfriend shook her head. “No, thanks. I hate physical activity and I hate getting wet.” When Yoonji continued to frown, the other woman smiled and placed an arm around her. “Haha, I’m sure you’ll see me in a bikini sometime this summer,” she snickered, her delicious perfume sugary and spicy against Yoonji’s nose. “I heard you say you wanted to go to the ocean this summer. Thought it would be good for you and Jungkook to go on a date.”

Someday, Yoonji’s cheeks weren’t going to heat up at the sound of that word.

“D… Date?”

“Mhmmm,” was the playful reply, letting go of her to pat Jungkook on the head. “Happy?”

“I’ve always wanted to try waterskiing! Thanks, noona.”

A rainbow-tipped hand grabbed Jungkook’s, shaking him impatiently. “Thank me after I get those stamps. Hopefully they haven’t run out of the cute stamp cards yet. Onward!”

He laughed and tugged on her hand, swinging her arm about and making her twirl on the spot, her pleated skirt flaring out with her playful movement. Two beautiful people smiling at each other, so in love, as it should be.

Those scorching eyes turned back to her.

A rainbow-tipped hand extended out.

Jungkook stuck his head out curiously. Yoonji stared back, clutching the promise of a future date. Then she smiled, tucking the voucher into her purse, and stepped to her girlfriend, reaching for her hand, three people so in love, feeling stupidly warm and fuzzy when their fingers interlocked.

“You’re a nerd.”

“Oh, okay, says the nerdiest music nerd we’ve ever known.”

“Keke, good one, noona.”

hug me unstoppingly fill the moment we met, love it our tempering relationship won't cool unstoppingly you and i tonight tell me, be the sea i keep swimming deep every day – 머리에서 발끝까지 (shutdown) by moonbyul ft. seori

-

fin.

--

min yoonji masterpost | masterpost

[abyssalzones]

I would love to hear more abt your college pre-egg-breaking fiddauthor thoughts if you'd be open to it

oh BOY would I

so when I think about college fiddauthor nowadays I mainly think about both my own experiences with ~navigating identity~ and how I would approach a gay FTM relationship from a semi-realistic 1970's angle, where you start to see a lot of what you'd call "milestones" I guess in LGBT history and public awareness. wait okay here's something I said to mer that can set a precedent for what I'm talking about

when it comes to me and my own journey of self discovery irt sexuality and transness, I feel like those two things are very intertwined, because the concept of identity in my eyes is very socially motivated. I've previously identified as a nonbinary lesbian and a transgender gay man respectively before getting to the point I'm at now, and don't feel like either of those things were incorrect necessarily, just how I felt at the time (and what I wanted out of a relationship, really). I think I literally got an ask ages ago questioning how I went from one to the other but Idk I don't think the gender journey is as simple or "logical" as people coming from a hetero-patriarchal perspective (that's a mouthful) seem to think.

and, And, from a Historical perspective, FTM experiences and butch lesbian experiences have Always been very intertwined, especially back in the early 70's when more people were starting to have some awareness (even in LGBT spaces) of this thing known as the Transgender Lifestyle. I'm flattening things quite a bit here and I know for a fact there's a lot of variation between experiences, especially depending on your social circles, but from what I can glean a lot of the time transgender men weren't very well known and so a lot of the time you would just ID as a butch lesbian and/or present as a man socially, sometimes for safety reasons. and there's a lot of overlap there too that continues into contemporary transmasc spaces today :]

historical justification aside I basically think college would be a major turning point for self-discovery in both of their lives, but more-so for fiddleford than ford? I've always assumed based on everything we've seen that fidds was basically the only friend ford had in college, which definitely would have influenced him in important ways, but other than that I think he invested most of his time in studying and developments in gender were an afterthought. ford's FTM identity starts from a place of "failing to be a woman" and then develops with his pride in being a huge weirdo. in my mind that can only really happen once he's in gravity falls and has basically sacrificed his connections with other people/the world to live as his truest self, whether that's researching anomalies or living as a man.

fiddleford, however, I always think of from the perspective of someone bucking to societal expectations for safety reasons. this is because of a lot of things: ford's possible feelings of abandonment in favor of Normalcy (who can forget "Go back to your doting family and a life of fear and compromise!"), his jumping into a nuclear family immediately out of college, But also packing up and driving to oregon in a matter of days after ford asks for his help... when he has a kid who could be no older than 5 or 6 at home...? I sort of see his presentation as a foil to ford's, trying to mimic cishetero ("hetero") normalcy vs. being the Lone Transsexual Freak. I've gotten horribly off topic from the college thing hang on

basically I imagine them in their uni days like two weird butch gay women that are just, totally socially unapproachable. fiddleford is the more outgoing of the two as he's been voted "most likely to actually have other friends" in my mind, so if anyone was going to gay & lesbian student association meetings it would've been him, but otherwise ford is too busy ignoring his feelings. "I don't care if I'm a man or a woman I'm too busy studying. go away." but of course they find enough solace in eachother's company and their different-but-distinctly-similar weirdness that it forms an unbreakable transgender bond. freak4freak if you will. fidds settles on a bisexual identity without thinking about it too hard because honestly the conclusion here is that it doesn't matter if his roommate is a woman or a man he just knows he needs to do terrible things to him over d&d&md (sorry) (not really that sorry though.)

it's actually funny you bring this up because I'd been workshopping a short comic set in their college era that touches on this stuff a lot. not sure when that will ever get done but I can tell you it's. uhm

yeah they're kind of weird.

[nat-without-a-g]

Spoilers for DNDads season 2 up to episode 48, but—

When season 2 started and Grant said something about how he already saw some of himself in Linc (implied to be a bad thing), I really didn’t give it much thought. I mean— Linc is super into video games and soccer, two things that Darryl tried very hard to understand when Grant was a kid to relate to his interests, so that’s probably what he meant. But I think I know when his anxiety about Linc becoming a “monster” like him or however to phrase it might have started becoming more real.

I KNOW i shouldn’t give to much flack to Linc for this since he was a little kid and therefore probably not fully aware of the damage he was trying to do, and Matt admits it was the worst thing he’s ever done, meaning nothing like that happened before or since. That being said: Linc put laxatives in other children’s drinks. I feel like we’re missing a few details (how old was linc, how old were the other kids, how many laxatives, did anyone actually consume the laxatives or was he caught, did anyone get more hurt than a stomach ache because most brands of laxatives are probably not safe for children) but I think no matter what the answers to all of these were, I think the knowledge that your kid is remorseless enough to poison another child was Not healthy for Grant or Marco.

Like, they probably only considered the group homeschooling thing because they felt bad about how little Linc got to see other kids now that school was starting up and still wanted him to have time to socialize with others. And he seemed to take to it well at first, but then grew kind of cold to the other students as the whole family grew more acclimated and as Grant you’d probably be like. Oh this is just growing pains or something, me or my husband are always present so I can tell these kids never pick on him or obstruct him from doing what he wants. He’s just shy, and that’s kind of our fault for not giving him more time with others his age, they’ll start playing together soon, totally. And then your son attempts to poison all of them with tablets out of the pantry.

What’s worse is that this isn’t a situation where he thought it was candy or something, he figured out that those tablets are Not good if you don’t need them and could probably hurt him (probably BECAUSE of Marco and Grant warning him not to touch them), and used that knowledge against the other kids. Already disturbing, especially if you’re scared your murderous tendencies are going to rub off on your kid, but it’d be easier to wave off as a singular incident. There is a chance Linc could have hospitalized another child, though I feel like Matt would have mentioned it. So. Already a rough experience from Linc, Marco and Grant have to leave the homeschooling group and act like their family isn’t kind of marked to other families in the area, even if no one got hurt and everyone laughed it off. This is probably part of the reason the rule about him not straying too far from his dads specifically when around other kids (he was allowed to go into a different group of dance classes while Marco and Grant did ballroom dancing! That’s more than 2 and a half feet!) was put into place, honestly.

Without the context that Linc doesn’t like when he feels like he’s going to lose the attention of his dads to another kid, which I don’t think he was able to verbalize as a kid, it comes off like the nightmare scenario. It explains so much more about why they always put Linc as the center of attention and treated him like they were attempting to mitigate nonexistent behavioral issues. And why they might have chosen to preemptively get rid of the cat when they saw Linc was being (Matt’s words not mine) cruel towards it. It’s so much wilder to think of the weird aspects of Linc’s childhood of you consider it being not just to keep Linc safe, but to not let Linc hurt anyone else.

All of this is to say, I can see why Grant was a little more worried about Linc being remorseless towards harming others, because between the cat and the other homeschool kids, he had a track record before he was 8. I literally did not understand where he was coming from At All before episode 48.

[bapydemonprincess]

I’m 24 and I’ve been in this fandom since like 2010 . So not the entire time it’s been around but I was here for its main surge I feel like. And I won’t lie, when I was 10 and a majority of the fandom did ship sebaciel publicly and people made you feel weird for not shipping it, I definitely did engage with it. It was pushed on me as a 10 year old by a majority of the fandom, and I didn’t see anything wrong because I was younger than ciel/same age and I was like “yeah I think Sebastian is cute and I’m the same age as ciel so—“ BUT you know as I got older I’d say even by 14 I had the realization of how gross it was and how I didn’t actually ship it it was just that they were the two main characters in the fandom and that typically main characters are the ones who get shipped and that at that time in the fandom it was impossible to not be faced with ship stuff. And I was groomed by adults in the fandom on this very website. They knew my age and would send me smut and talk to me about myself and flirt and I honestly feel bad that I ever did engage with the ship. I didn’t know any better. But now as an adult when I do see sebaciel stuff I find myself questioning if they’re just young and if they’re going to grow out of it too and I wonder if maybe they’re also having it pushed on them by older fans like I was. I find it concerning because i know what it did to myself and what kind of situations I was put in because of it. I try to avoid the adult ones because unfortunately I think if they haven’t grown out of it and realized the implications of the ship and how it does affect real life I don’t know that they ever will. I hate that this fandom has such a bad label on it. Every person I mention it to is like— “oh the pedophile demon anime?” And it just sickens me. Idk this is kind of just a rant and I wanted to offer my thoughts as someone who has been in the fandom a long time and as someone who was in the fandom as a child even. I’m sorry if this is weird ask to send but I see you posting content about it sometimes and it made me feel safe to share my thoughts

Well I am not personally good at answering these types of asks but I am glad you felt safe to send this to me, specifically, and get it off your chest, it's all good!! 💖 And glad to know you came to realize how bad the ship was at one point, I'm always happy to see that happen once in a while in kuro, because there are so many folks around my age refusing to accept the truth and doubling down on proshipping, and also I notice very recently too trying to cause problems on purpose for antis in their spaces. 😒 It's getting hard out there since the new anime came out, and a lot of those types have attempted to return.. likely from twitter where they ran off to last time they were booted (some quite literally banned hmm I wonder why) from tumblr.

And the worst WORST part knowing proshippers around my age is knowing.. remembering.. the very beginnings of kuro, seeing the early fics on ao3 by those guys, who really started it all, knowing somewhere they're still out there.. some even maybe with kids of their own WHO KNOWS... Ugh.

And I hope new fans, no matter their age really, make sure to be careful esp on here in the main kuro tag, for these proshippers have been constantly- AND VERY BLATANTLY I MIGHT ADD -trying to advertise their blogs and discords as safe spaces for interacting... CLEARLY trying to start/continue the process of grooming that is so well known in fandoms like kuro at this point.

Overall just use block on tumblr recreationally, it's free real estate ✨, stay safe in general, and again don't be afraid whether on fellow anti blogs like mine send messages or if you feel more comfortable make posts of your own on your own blog expressing how you feel, getting it out of your system.

Hope my response was okay (I say because I'm at work at also health-wise a bit out of it so sorry grbhjfkugu) and hope you, anon are currently doing okay now!! Thank you again for sharing your personal experience!!

[irish-urn]

I absolutely LOVED your response, and I agree! thanks for spending time on it <3 what draws me in about dasey is how complex it is, its forbidden love, “if its wrong I don’t want to be right”, the family dynamic, the drama, the suspense! so it’s always a let down when they hype it up so much and then nothing happens lol I want to see how dasey faces this hardship and how they present themselves moving forward. I’m so curious to hear about your after-LWL hc! I wonder how the family would react now that kids and divorce are involved. I know you’re currently writing a series about this so you don’t have to reveal too much, but how would Casey and Derek handle this as young adults? It’s not all unicorns and rainbows when dasey gets together, there’s definitely a storm coming.

LOOK, I didn't understand Taylor Swift's reputation album before I re-discovered Dasey. But now I do understand; and someone please remind me to put "But Daddy, I Love Him" on my kick at the darkness playlist because... Damn. If that isn't them.

Ohhhh Life With Luca!! You're right, I am writing a series about this — I'm actually writing, like, three parts all at once? (*hides face in shame*). The really interesting thing about the LWL world, though, is that Derek and Casey's priorities have shifted. No longer are they majorly concerned with George and Nora's opinions, but instead they're far more worried about Luca, Molly, Kai, and Skyler's opinions. And, maybe it's just me being a bit of a romantic, but I truly believe the only one of those four that would have some trouble with them getting together would be Luca: and that's because he still has a relationship with his dad. So for his mom to move on would be very painful for him to witness; but he's also very obviously fond of Derek. The six of them just really worked as a unit in the movie, and I think everyone can see that.

I strongly believe that Skyler would do everything in her power to see her dad happy; I actually HC that she figures out his feelings for Casey within weeks of them moving into the Guest House. And as for Molly and Kai -- we never see them even mention their dad, except for one instance where Kai says that "Mom and Dad don't let us swear"; and Molly tells Skyler that she wishes they could be "cousins AND sisters" -- so I think they're far more concerned with everyone being happy and them getting the attention they need than any social weirdness.

SO! With all that being said, I'm working on a part of that series where Dasey are together (because we all know that's where we're headed) and there is drama happening in the background. There's a little bit about how George and Nora did not react well -- to quote one part, "…Unfortunately, Nora and George were not handling this new relationship with any sort of grace, and there was no way they were going to take the kids so Derek and Casey could happily fuck themselves into oblivion." -- and I think Nora and George are choosing to view this relationship as a TERRIBLE REBOUND for Casey and both of them are calling Derek and Casey incredibly selfish and have they even thought about the kids?

(This, of course, made both Derek and Casey livid because, uh? George and Nora got engaged before ANY of them had met ANY of the other family; so who's considering who now???? Where they currently stand in that part of the series is that both parties are giving the other the silent treatment.)

I still think Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti would react the same way, no matter the ages. There's a little bit of concern regarding the children, but as soon as they checked in and saw that Derek and Casey are constantly checking in with the children and being as open as they can about the whole thing, I think they would just... be happy for them.

But Simon is struggling. Simon is struggling because he sees these two as his big BIG siblings, and unlike the others where blood only connects half of them, he IS connected by blood to ALL OF THEM. And, y'know, Casey has been with Peter for as long as Simon can remember -- one of his earliest memories is getting to hold baby!Luca. But Casey is so obviously happy and calmer with Derek, and Derek is happy and HOME so Simon can actually SEE him; so he's trying very hard to get on board. He fails a bit, says some things he probably shouldn't, but he's trying really, really, really hard.

I think, if he were a child, it would be easier for him to adapt. With my kick at the darkness series, for instance, he won't bat an eye — he's never going to remember a time when they weren't together, so he'll just... accept it as a part of his weird family. I'm currently playing with a sequel to "sick with sadness" as well, and he's 9/10 in that story; he finds it weird and kind of gross, but with the middle McTuris' help, he adapts quickly too. I got the sense from LWL that Simon loves Derek and Casey a whole bunch; looks up to them and trusts them, much like the younger three looked up to them in LWD. So I think love is going to win.

The fun thing is, I can actually see divorced!Casey caring a lot less about her mother's opinion about her and Derek because Casey has already been through a failed relationship, one where she tried to do the right thing -- I am a strong believer that Derek took off in LWL canon because he and Casey were teetering on the edge of the knife and someone stepped over the line and the other panicked. I suspect Derek is the one that leaned in too close or said something, and Casey FREAKED, and so he took off -- and doing the right thing didn't last. It hasn't stopped her from loving Derek, nor from him loving her. So why should she fight it any longer? She's already hurt the two of them enough; so what if Nora isn't happy? Casey is an adult living on her own, and she's tired of doing only what she's supposed to. She's going to get it right this time -- very much in the same way Nora is determined to get it right this second time too. Gosh, they really are mother and daughter, huh?

(Any other questions? I'm still not sure I really answered this one correctly...)

[littlestarlost]

Yellowjackets is a show about trauma. I don't know what else to tell you.

Alright, blood hive, here we go again.

We're about halfway through season 2 at this point, and I remain more convinced than ever that a large portion of the viewing public is not fundamentally listening to what the wilderness the showrunners are trying to say. If you're looking for a singular capital-R Reason for everything we see in the show, you're looking at the wrong stuff. So here are some more thoughts.

(Spoilers for all of Yellowjackets up to S2E5, "Two Truths and a Lie")

One: Yellowjackets is a show about trauma and its relationship to magical thinking.

I get another grey hair every time I see someone trying to puzzle out just what is in the woods.

There's nothing in the woods, y'all. Nothing. Until I'm proven wrong by the show itself, this is the hill I will stubbornly die on. But show has been EXTREMELY consistent this whole time in its ambiguity, and in my opinion anyone using the red string and thumbtacks approach to Yellowjackets is being played for a fool. It doesn’t matter if there’s actually an entity in the woods (there isn’t), or if Lottie actually has powers (she doesn’t); what matters is that the survivors are clinging to any answers they can grasp in a situation full of unknowns, and so are we. Part of what’s so devastating about their plight is that there’s no real reason for any of it. This is the basis for literally every religion humans have ever had; we’ve been grasping at ritual and magical thinking for millennia. We are observing the growth of that dependence and ritual right now, in the second season. We are also seeing the consequences of that situation in the future. We are seeing how the power of thought can provide both comfort and further trauma.

I suspect that we will never learn the meaning behind the mysterious symbol. I've seen theories that it's a witch's mark, or even that it's a miner's signal and that all the weird stuff happening to the Yellowjackets is the result of mercury poisoning because they're inadvertently on top of an old mine. That's a nice theory, but I don't think it's correct, and I also don't think it should be revealed anyway. It doesn't ultimately matter what the symbol meant to the dead guy or his cabin; what matters is what the symbol represents for the Yellowjackets themselves.

Two: Yellowjackets is a show about trauma and the way it twists the unknown.

I am fascinated but frustrated by the apparent age split with fans. It seems to me that there's a pretty good-sized gap between the older fans of the show, who would have been kids/teenagers in the 90s (including me), and the gen Z viewers, the latter of which seem unable to really really understand just how wild the wilderness is. The generational split here is with those who remember how VCRs work because we had them and those who have never needed to know. It's a split between we who went through our primary school years without access to Wikipedia and those who have had the wealth of human knowledge in their pockets since they were children.

I’ve watched people do all sorts of questioning and speculating, and it almost always traces back to whether or not you understand how the world worked before smartphones, AKA most of human history. Let me answer some of those questions right now off the top of my head:

How could the Yellowjackets not be found for 19 months?

People used to just fucking vanish, fam. We did not have GPS, we did not have trackers, we barely had battery-powered walkmen. People vanished all the time, and were never ever seen again. Sometimes they did it on purpose, and a lot of the time they disappeared by accident or malice, and a lot of times they died. 1996 doesn't seem that long ago in terms of technology, but it is. People still go missing to this day, even with all our tech tracking us everywhere. Canada is fucking huge and a lot of it is mostly wilderness. Here's a photo I found from Statistics Canada with the population density of Ontario; the black areas represent places where there's basically goddamn nothing but wilderness.

2. How was there no road to the Cabin Guy's Cabin? How did he get there? How did he get supplies there?

He had a plane, and also, once again: people used to disappear all the time. In his case, he seems to have done it on purpose.

3. How could Shauna possibly deliver a child in those conditions? How could the baby be getting the nutrients it needs?

People did this successfully for tens of thousands of years, you guys. You're literally reading this post because our ancestors successfully birthed children in the middle of fucking nowhere with zero medical aid or support.

4. How could Lottie know about the bear or the starlings or or or...?

Easy: she doesn't. Not entirely, anyway. She's an empathetic person who's really good at dealing with the emotions of other people and has a sense of spirituality that appears brave and confident, and people in dire situations with a lot of chaos will depend on that with their lives.

And speaking of Lottie...

Three: Yellowjackets is a show about trauma and how it forces you to transform.

At the end of last season I believed that we were going to get a Lottie Villain Era, just like everyone else. I do not believe that now.

Everything we have seen of Lottie shows a girl who was subjected to medical abuse and/or neglect from a very very young age. Regardless of her actual powers or lack thereof, she was placed on medication by her parents and didn't come off of it until she was in a super traumatizing situation in the wilderness. During this most recent season, we have seen both Teenage and Adult Lottie struggle with her role as a spiritual leader and advisor; she's good at it, but it drains her. It isn't something she's doing out of a desire for power or control: it's something she's doing as a trauma response. That trauma response is helping others, so she keeps doing it, but it's still a trauma response. Trauma transforms you into somebody new, over and over again. The scars you bear become your armor, and then your mask, and then it's hard to know where you end and the trauma begins.

Taissa, too, is transformed by trauma. Her other self is a trauma response, similar to alters in a DID system. It comes to the front when Taissa can't deal, and it's both helpful and harmful. I'm willing to bet a lot of her college years were spent sleepwalking, as the Other One dealt with exams and soccer games and law school. Any one of us with dissociative trauma responses can speak to the way that dissociation can be a savior and an abuser in the same breath.

Four: Yellowjackets is a show about trauma and how it compounds on itself.

This most recent episode showed Natalie coming to a realization about the last time she saw Travis, and she says the words we've heard in the season trailers: there was something in the woods, something they brought back with them. Or maybe it was in them the whole time.

In my previous essay I talked about how each Yellowjacket arrived in the woods with her own traumas strapped to her back. In my mind, that's what Natalie is talking about. There is no entity in the woods to blame for all of this, no ghost or witch who can be credited with the trauma the girls experienced and inflicted. There is only the trauma itself, in all its many shapes and sizes, in all the ways it fills in the gaps and makes shadows dance by firelight and drives us to the very brink of madness, holding us back by a fraying tether.

Yellowjackets is a show about trauma. The show's theme song rings out every episode: No return, no return, no reason. There is no return to the way things were. There is no return that can erase what you've been through. There is no reason for all of this, except for the one that's been very explicitly outlined via themes and story and dialogue and flashbacks and framing.

Yellowjackets is a show about trauma. It's the only answer we have, and I suspect--and hope--that it's the only answer we're ever going to get.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #08 & #07

08. MOLDOVA Pasha Parfeni - "Soarele și luna" 18th place

Decade rank: 28/116 [above Trenuletul, below Gjon's Tears]

"With friend and foe, we march to the battle plain

Some to seek success, others to seek fame

We play with honour, for the love of this game

So that someday, someone, somewhere will remember our name." -- Benjamin "Coach" Wade

No surprises here, I would hope. Pasha may have aged 11 years since his last appearance but he is still the same weird, irreverent stoner king he has always been. Perhaps even moreso than before, now that he's openly become the Eurovision equivalent to Coach in both style and substance.😍

Pasha delivered not more, not less, but exactly what I thought and hoped he would.

First of all, the song is just really fucking good. It sounds (very complimentary) like something you would hear in a Vidbir final. Maybe a follow-up to Kadnay's Beat of the Universe, remember that one? (Melovin's BIGGEST crime is robbing us of Kadnay, Lelya AND the minotaur girl because zomg uwu quirky theatre kid) (lmao the way I totally would have been okay with Dreamer and put it high on my 2024 list, cuz he ate that) (um, hypothetically ofc). Vidbir sound-alike is huge praise for a country that normally takes the role of a Schrödinger's qualifier and it was nice to for once know exactly what we were getting here.

REEEEEYNE N FYAAAAAAAA GAEDE MEHEEHEEEEEE

And here we get to the delivery of the song and, I mean, it's Moldova. How else are they going to tackle a song about pagan wedding ceremonies?

Moldova don't care about your stupid "wokeness". (good grief the (unselfaware) ableists freaking out about the little person. ALLOW PEOPLE MAKE A LIVING THE WAY THEY WISH TO, GOOD GRIEF. Dwarfism is not a cognitive disability, they have full agency to work in the entertainment industry. Stop behaving like they need you to emancipate against "the oppressive straight white cismale".)

Moldova don't care about trifles such as appearing "competent" to your insipid juries.

MOLDOVA IS REAL, always aiming fully maximize their entertainment factor for the lowest possible cost, and thank fuck they do.

Only this country could stage their performer as karate-chopping at a little person and make it light entertainment.

Only this country could take a quirky, Ukraine-coded electrofolk fusion and stage it like a weird grotesquerie,

Only this country could bring irreverence with such unerring earnesty.

"Soarele si luna" was a yet another solid showcase of what Moldova excell at, raw intuitive entertainment with no strings attached. Of course, we're in 2023 and being fun doesn't matter in the overal rankings. The least I can do in those cases is give a high spot to those who've been paid dirt the most.~

---------------------------------

07. LITHUANIA Monika Linkyte - "Stay" 11th place

Decade ranking: 25/116 [Above Stefania (Last Dance), below Sam Ryder]

HOORAY FOR YET ANOTHER YEAR OF LITHUANIA AT THE TOP OF MY BALTIC SISTER RANKING~

(enjoy it for the moment lithuanian readers, because a certain song about narcotics is threatening to take that crown away in 2024...x)

We have finally reached a point where the placements on my ranking more or less match the scoreboard, praise hallelujah. Of the robbed outsiders only Joker Out remain, and they're here to stay. :dramatic cymbal:

Speaking of both Outsiders and Stay, Lithuania were also kind of an outsider at first. After Monika beat Ruta Mur in PiN, I didn't think they would come close to a top 10 - clearly So Low was The Choice, Right? I honestly I don't know if I can feel that way any more. "Stay" aged really well. Ruta is an icon, but she did not have the Monika's secret weapon. She did not have -

ČIŪTOOO TŪŪŪTOOO

ČIŪTOOO TŪŪŪTOOO

ČIŪTOOO TŪŪŪTOOO

And what is "Stay" if not čūitooooo tūūūtoooo. Like legit, those two words, that's ALL it took. Those two words, that mantra, repeated over and over and over again, is what endeared her to me and juries (this is Lithuania. LITHUANIA. and juries liked them.).

Adding more čiūto tūto such a simple, elegant tweak, but one that Monika masterfully delivered. The hook is as strong as steel, but it is her charisma and her harmonies with the gospel choir which bent it into pure wholesomeness.

"Stay" is not the strongest composition, but it was an effective one. What it did exceptionally well was deliver the home comforts. The song is blanket, a fleece, a cuddle. It's the musical equivalent to eating a hearty meal by a lit fireplace, leaning against the warm body of your beau or belle. It is the spirit of Nature Is Healing in music form. It is a mental health balm covered by a mantle čiūto tūto. Lithuania earned their spot on the left side of the scoreboard and that's about as positive a surprise we're gonna get with these darksided results.

THE RANKING

[heecyon]

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑; 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆 — teaser

pairing: ceo!park jongseong x brother's best friend!fem!reader

genre: arranged/forced marriage, slow burn au, accidental pregnancy, brother's best friend, slight age gap (reader's 22 and jay's 24), angst, fluff and second chance love.

teaser word count: 807

estimated word count: 15k to 17k

release date: late october or early november

summary: Just a year ago, you were forced to marry Park Jongseong, CEO of the Southern Branch, part of the vary famous Park Enterprises. It was all for the sake of your family, a marriage for the benefit of gaining more traction as a company. Jongseong was attentive, caring, sometimes even sweet, but your relationship was more about sex than it was about the marriage itself. At some point, everything got bad, and it was just mere sexual intimacy that anything else, and just when you were close to ending things...you found out you were pregnant.

1st installment for CEOs & ARRANGEMENTS with enha 02z

volume one here | volume two here

taglist (open): @iloveoceaneyess @abdiitcryy @chimajeyn @sjakewrld @loves0ft @duolingofanaccount @ufoundme @sunghoons-mole @tobiosbbyghorl @dasa3040 @monkeybabyzz @snowysung @wonyofanclub @prdxinvade @yenqa

Bellie, Belle.

Those were the nicknames that the family gave you, well… Jay gave you that nickname. It started when you started dressing up as Belle from 'The Beauty and The Beast' every single halloween. Jay kept the name to joke around with you, but it soon became a way that they called you to express how dearly they loved you.

"Have you thought about what your grandfather told Sunghoon?" The inquiry you made had caused Jay to get out of his trance. He looked at you with strange eyes, as if he was thinking about what he wanted to answer.

His grandfather had always been skeptical, also a little bit stressful. When the boys were just little kids, he kept talking about how they had to continue the family business. They were just five at the moment, and they didn't understand what he meant. But as they grew older they soon got a hold of the situation.

'Park Enterprises' has been a family business since 1962, exactly founded by Mr. Park, it started as a small office, a business to start technological advancements. Soon, the company grew to be huge, having three different branches in South Korea.

The enterprise had become an empire that had spread around the world. With different sucursals in Italy, U.S, even some countries of Latin America. It was clear that it was a very successful business, a well known name that was stuck to the public's mouth.

No matter what happened, the brothers saw this business as their future responsibility. They wanted to make their family proud, and they were ready for whatever they had to do for the family business, even if it was not what they wanted.

"If my family thinks that it's for the best, then I'll do whatever they want me to do." You looked at him, raising your eyebrows with curiosity and surprise. You always say Jay as a man that was stubborn and obstinate, if he didn't like something he would say it, and he wasn't someone to give in easily.

So, you scoffed. "That sounds so weird coming from you." He raised his head looking at you. Jay knew that somehow you were right. He didn't want to be brainwashed by his family, but that business was his family's pride and joy. He wasn't ready to let them down.

"What do you mean?" Jongseong pretended to be clueless. A sigh escaped your lips.

"Jay, you can't have kids when you are just 17." You stated calmly. "You also can't get married at your age, you are too young."

"They didn't say when they plan to engage me with someone." He muttered under his breath.

You slightly shook your head in disappointment, trying your best to alleviate the bad energy that you had just provoked.

"Also, do you even have an idea of who you want to marry? What exactly do you look for in a girl?"

Jay, then raised his head to look at you. He parted his lips getting ready to start talking, as if he already planned what to say even before you asked the question.

"I'm looking for a girl that is sweet, a girl that looks like an exact representation of the moon, but that her personality is just like the very rays of the sun falling into the ocean waves." He proceeded to stare at you, looking deeply into your eyes, as if he could read your soul. Jay's cat eyes shone from enchantment, anticipation, almost as if he was under a spell.

A spell that you might have put on him, his gaze was enough to make your heart race, and to make your fingers tingle from excitement.

"I want a girl who is intelligent and has a passion for learning. A girl that smells like cinnamon spice and vanilla. I'm looking for a girl whose lips will taste just like an exquisite dessert. And lastly, her eyes have to shine like the moon reflects itself on the water when she looks at what she loves and desires… Just like you, right now."

His last words made you blink in shock, you hadn't noticed how hard you were staring at him. But it seemed that at some point you might have been under the spell that he had been just a few seconds before.

"Sorry, it's just that your description sounded so poetic, I didn't know you could be so romantic." "There are some things that you don't know about me." He smiled.

You cleared your throat before proceeding. "Where have you seen a girl like that, anyway?"

You saw the boy get closer to you, moving his seat right beside you. Then, he moved his hand close to your locks, moving them away from your face.

"It might surprise you, but I'm staring at her right now."

a work by heecyon.

[disabledbutchblues]

it fucked me up a little bit that the only thing that people seem/seemed to find worthy about me is also the thing that disables me the most. my brain.

as a kid i was lucky to not be fully dehumanized, unlike some other disabled people (especially those with high support needs and/or intellectual disabilities), because my "intelligence"/intellectual ability was recognized and allowed people to still see me as somewhat worthy despite my (undiagnosed) disability and despite all the ways i was very annoying and weird to them. they didn’t exactly see me as human and they only saw me as a potential for something, but they still saw me as a person, i think. someone to stare at and mock whenever i displayed symptoms, someone whose emotions did not matter that much, someone to yell at when i did weird things or cried, but still someone.

my brain could potentially get good grades, could potentially produce good ideas, which meant i could be useful. i taught myself i was worthy only if i was intelligent. i had no emotional abilities, no relationship abilities, no physical abilities,… i just had my brain, that could potentially be something good. good grades, good student. read a lot of books and use clever words. am very lucky i was able to have that, i recognize the privilege. but suddenly, two weeks into high school, my brain started to. fail me. couldn’t do things i used to be able to do. couldn’t do "basic" things. couldn’t understand "easy" stuff. everything wrong, was all stuck. reading books was hard, understanding anything at school was impossible.

i just stopped functioning. i was diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses, then with adhd and, the worst but also the one that explained everything for me, autism. had been low support needs my whole childhood, was suddenly experiencing terrible executive dysfunction/autistic catatonia. i realized the one thing that was really wrong with me, what i had always been searching for, trying to understand why i wasn’t normal, why i couldn’t be normal, was my brain. my fucking brain isn’t like a "normal human brain." i’m disabled because of my brain (and maybe physical stuff but. not the point here).

i felt so betrayed.

i still feel so betrayed. the only moments i feel worthy as a person, the only moments i see myself as deserving of something, is when i do something clever. when i get a good grade on a test or when i analyse a book or when i learn about something. i hate myself unless i can use my brain for something deemed intelligent or useful by society.

because my body is weak and often in pain, i have no empathy, i can’t form relationships, i’m not good with coordination and crafts, i just have my brain but fuck it, of course said brain is also the source of most of my problems. i can’t do all the other things because of my brain. i hate it so much. it makes me hate myself.

i’m working on the internalized ableism. i really am. it’s also so weird because i never apply my logic to others. other humans are worthy no matter what they produce or how well they can learn/think/do things. they’re inherently deserving of rights.

but me ? i was told so many times that i was all wrong "but at least i could be clever." at least if i worked really hard i could be gifted ! i could be good ! i could maybe even be enough ! (i never was.) and i burned myself out trying to do this when of course i couldn’t because i was never gifted and my brain was never especially intelligent at all.

i just thought differently than other people, and i am lucky that for me, in some situations, it was sometimes useful. it made some things easier to learn (and others really damn hard).

it’s like i had the same intellectual abilities my whole life : as a kid they seemed high for my age, and now they seem kinda low, or at least weird. as a child i was told i was "mature" (except when i cried or showed inappropriate emotions or couldn’t tolerate normal things), now i am told i am childish and dumb and dependent and a burden and that it’s really annoying for everyone that i am so incompetent.

it’s like i didn’t grow but now life demands so much of me that i don’t even know how to do things i used to be able to do anymore. it’s like everything is wrong with me and i don’t know what i’m supposed to do with myself. i hate it. i have it so much better compared to some people and i know it but. i still hate this. i don’t know how to live

(am ok with advices or people relating or adding experiences or anything really)

[xxamacha-tsukixx]

why I joined tumblr (full story)

TW VENT

I had been bullied since a young age when I went to middle school I kinda became mentally insane there when I was there ppl would always bully me cuz of my looks,”weird things” and I do stuff that are “weird to them” I had very few friends and they ended up bullying me physically(mostly mentally tho) (dw they dnt hurt me just push me ,throw things at me and stuff) I never went to a counselor or got mental help because my parents are pretty strict and they get mad at me for the smallest things and ever since I told my parents why _ they would get mad at me which made me not tell them stuff anymore and I matter what I do they always manage to find out (one time when I was 9 I had two friends who were jealous to who which one is my bff and we went to a counselor and stuff and my parents found out and blamed it on me saying I was the one jealous ever since that when I do something “wrong” my parents would always blame me but one day I just had this thought if I became famous maybe people would accept me and why I chose gacha as my passion is because 1. I’m not good at art and I refuse to be one of those cringe kids to make rly cringe vids lol 2. I heard of it when I was 8(cuz of fnaf lol) my parents made leave the internet game I had acces to gacha and stuff when I was 9 but when I got my phone I rediscovered it:D but first I needed ocs after that I kinda just forgot abt that but during winter break I wanted to make art for fun and fame but I’m not good so I tried to do a anime art generator(I didn’t realized it was wrong until the future lol) but then I discovered picrews I did my first one and it was fun I wanted to make my friends as certain characters as human wolves cuz I got interested in wolves lol then I found more picrews so I did the same thing for them lol but then I found out abt this anime dress up game(forgot the name lol) so I did it for them and that’s when I got their names I was going to do fancy words for their colors but I did it but I used it in japanese since I was interested in anime recently now I got my ocs I recreated them in gacha and I made a few vids for fun meanwhile at school the ppl there still bullied me and I was pissed for the last time so I started social media to take another step I didn’t wanted to get payed on YouTube so I didn’t do that for a while so I did Pinterest instead but I couldn’t figure out how to make posts or videos so I tried to find substitutes and turns out tumblr was one of them so quickly created an account and got started one day my friend told the ppl abt my tumblr and they tricked me (I was dumb lol) to asking me my tumblr user and they saw it and they bullied me for being a gacha person since but that didn’t stopped me as I progressed, made recent posts, tried to make my ocs look better, edit better and have good vids and here I am today as I will take my next big step soon

And with the bullying thing I left that school and got a fresh start on a new school it’s only a little bad but the ppl have no idea abt my interest on gacha(except for a few ppl but they support me) but I feel bad for leaving my bff the only one there who loved gacha just as I do but I am mean towards some people there because it’s hard to trust certain people cuz they remind me of my bullies which made me have trust issues

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

This Dark Thing That Sleeps In Me - a Magnus Archives AU, Chapter One

This is a DARK AU; it is not a kid-fic, though Jon is young. Bittersweet ending ahead.

Spoilers for the whole show, though this is very much an alternate universe.

In a world where the End won and Jonah Magnus is its Heart, the cycle of death and rebirth is a given: no one lives past thirty, the Other Fears scramble for scraps, and any infant without an Alignment—called Uncertain—has until the age of ten to be claimed, or they are sacrificed.

Jon, an Uncertain child, knows things he shouldn’t, has memories he shouldn’t, and also has a purpose: apparently, he’s been called to do what no Aligned person can do and stop Jonah.

Sometimes, there is no happy ending, only the right one. Jonah broke the promises he made to take over the world, and Jon is here to make it right.

“I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps in me; all day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity. Clouds pass and disperse. Are those the faces of love, those pale irretrievables? Is it for such I agitate my heart?” ― Sylvia Plath

AO3

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Jon’s birth was difficult.

The mother was young, even for the End’s world, and both nurses knew before it was done that she wouldn’t survive the process.

No one but the nurses were there; no family, no lover, no friends. No one seemed to care beyond those two, who were forced by time and tenure to clean up the mess. It was a sad story they’d seen before; in a world where life had little meaning, the death of a teenage girl didn’t matter.

The nurses were, however, startled by two things: one, the baby was born with a caul on his face. It wasn’t unheard of, but it was rare. Two, he had lines all over his hands.

It was as though his tiny hands had been slit in a hundred places and barely healed; uneven, in all directions, long and short lines covered them; but there was no blood, and he evinced no pain. In fact, he barely fussed, so the nurses focused on other things, putting the weirdness aside with the rest of the effluvia and moving right along.

They soothed the mother. They cleaned the baby. They tested him for Alignment.

The result was Uncertain.

Which happened, but it was so rare; and so unfortunate. “Oh, he’s such a dear little thing,” said the first nurse, holding the small, brown baby.

The second nurse didn’t care. “Well, he’ll be dear to the End, then, unless somebody claims him.”

It could happen, thought the first nurse. He had until the age of ten to develop an Alignment with one of the Others, avoiding the otherwise unavoidable sacrifice of this child to the End. After all, she’d been Uncertain until the Flesh claimed her.

Of course, everyone went to the End by thirty, anyway, but that wasn’t the point. The first nurse, who was all of seventeen and felt like she had her whole life ahead of her, verbalized this.

The second nurse, who was twenty-nine and set to die next year, didn’t bother to answer because, when she’d turned back around, the mother was already dead.

Was this auspicious? It could be viewed as a sacrifice to the End, though unplanned. Maybe this orphaned child would be all right. It could be a good omen.

The first nurse considered it so.

The second was too tired to care.

#

Jon’s childhood was difficult.

Nobody knew what to do with him. He didn’t act like a normal child; he didn’t play games like his fellow Uncertain orphans did. And, until he finally learned better, he never shut up.

It was questions. Always questions. Not knowing buzzed like an angry bug under his skin, and he could only avoid questions for so long.

Jon suspected it had something to do with his past life. He knew that made him weird. Nobody remembered their past lives. Everyone had them, of course; you were born, you lived until age thirty (or ten, if you remained Uncertain), were sacrificed to the End, and then reborn. That was normal.

But Jon got glimpses of things, memories in which he’d been a grown man—so vivid that he began to ask his past self things as though that man could answer. It felt good to talk to someone who liked questions, silly as it was, and he could pretend the things he just knew came from him.

Maybe he wasn’t silly after all. Sometimes, he got answers for his questions out of thin air. That was great. It felt like a present, when that happened, a personalized gift. He felt loved, for no reason he could explain. But it didn’t happen often, and he couldn’t control it. 

So. He asked questions, instead.

His peers were cruel in trying to make him stop. They’d hit him, but that sting didn’t last—the need to know did. They’d lock him in his closet, but while the dark was empty and smelled like mold, his questions were always sparkling and new. 

They threatened to throw him out of the attic windows (which were sealed, and so it was a stupid threat). They threatened to drown him in the tub (which was a little scary, but he half wanted to know what it would be like). They burned him during dinner, but the process of scarring fascinated him after. 

The scar just joined the lines on his hands, so it was hardly an issue. Those lines—uneven, angled, irregular—didn’t seem quite like scars, but they also never faded. Still, they were just his hands , and he was used to them. There were more interesting things to talk about. 

So many more things to ask about.

Jon could not understand why everyone hated questions. Questions seemed the most natural form of communication. How else did one know what to do? How else could one learn?

Even the three adults couldn’t get him to quit—not even when their anger made him sick (which, to be fair, was expected in a house run by Corruption-Aligned adults). The process of being feverish until he coughed up blood was horrible, but it only left him wondering just why and how his lungs could create such a pink foam. What was that? How did that happen? He didn’t have anything foamy in his lungs normally, did he?

Besides, it’s not like anyone would kill him. It was too soon, and death taken without the End’s permission was… a bad idea. The Fingers would come for you, so everybody said. 

Finally, they figured out the way to stop the questions was to give him something to read.

He’d picked reading up pretty quickly. All Uncertain children had to be taught to do it, of course. The hope was (a) they would be of some use when an Other Fear claimed them, and (b) knowledge of an Other would engender a response—sudden reaction to fear of being hunted, or the desire to hunt, and boom! An Uncertain child could now be claimed, and someone responsible for the newly-Aligned orphan would come to take them away.

Jon loved reading. He sometimes forgot how small he was while doing it, as though his past self had spent a lot of time in books, too, and that was weirdly comforting. Like he wasn’t alone, like he and his past self were companions, somehow, reading and answering questions together. 

By the time Jon was six, half his fellow Uncertain orphans had found homes, claimed by Lonely, or Web, or Desolation. 

Jon remained Uncertain.

By the time he was seven, all but three other children had gone from Uncertain to Aligned—clearly demonstrating aptitude for the Dark, or the Buried, or the Slaughter. 

Jon remained Uncertain.

By the time he was eight years old, he was the only one left. It was just him and the three miserable Corruption-Aligned adults rattling around this sealed house, all of whom wanted to be anywhere but in each other’s presence.

All three of the adults were approaching their thirtieth year, and no one was happy; Jane was twenty-six, Amherst was twenty-eight, and Carnegie was twenty-nine.

Jon was only vaguely aware of their growing bitterness and panic. He read, and stayed out of the adults’ way, and talked to his past adult self, and did his best to put answers together from nothing. He liked the lines on his hands, and sometimes would sit there and feel them, sliding his thumb over each; they felt almost like very shallow slits to him, like little lips.

At least nobody hit him anymore. 

It wasn’t too bad. Even though, by nine, he fully understood he was going to die.

#

He wasn’t afraid of death. He had seen plenty of it, of course. In a world run by the End, it was inevitable. Unpredictable purple storms felled people in the streets. Animals would suddenly stop rooting in garbage and fall over dead. The empty people (Fingers, everyone called them) occasionally marched into the alley that was his world outside the attic windows, storming into buildings to pull out sacrifices: adults who sometimes fought back, and sometimes went with tears and trembling. 

He wasn’t sure what happened to them after they were taken out of the alley, but he knew they were given to the End.

He wanted to know. 

He also wanted to know why they always seemed so upset. They’d just be reborn. What was the big deal?

He looked forward to his tenth birthday. That was when those empty people would come for him. Would he get to know anything after he died? He didn’t know. Would he remember his child-self, the way he remembered his grown-self? He didn’t know that, either. None of the books he read told him what happened after death, or what it was like to be reborn. He wondered if he’d remember that part. He didn’t remember being born the first time.

What it was like to die was the biggest question of all—and the thought of finding out gave him a weird little thrill. He did not fear it.

Jon read. He pored over books and dared ask for more (Jane always ordered him more, and he was grateful for it).

Books came in with the weekly distribution of food and money, and since nobody else was reading in this place, he claimed them all.

He’d made quite a stash in the attic.

He wondered who would read them after he was gone. This was the first bit of sorrow he’d felt about all of this; books were so wonderful. Would they be left alone up here, forgotten, until mold got them and ruined their pages?

“What happened to all your books?” he asked himself, his past self, speaking to the rafters as he lay on his back. “I wonder if any of these were yours.” This time, there was no answer.

The daily adult arguments got louder. Jon began to sleep in the attic, surrounded by piles of precious print. Nobody cared.

chapter two

[elliemuze]

Honestly very weird to see people defend Aemond's actions or disparage the other children in that scene where he returns from claiming Vhagar.

[Disclaimer: I will concede he is a child here, and kids do dumb and/or fucked up shit. No child, imo, should be punished for something in the way an adult would be punished for the same offense.]

He snuck off to go claim Vhagar. He snuck off, because he knew it was wrong.

"hE wAs BuLLiEd!" He was needlessly cruel to two little girls who'd never said an unkind word to him in their life. All while speaking ill of their dead mother.

"iT wAs 4 oN oNe!" All four children were considerably smaller than him, and nowhere near as trained (if at all). Rhaena shoved him in an emotional reaction, to which he barely was staggered - cuz again, considerable size and strength difference. He threw her to the ground and tried to actually hurt her. It wasn't until he'd injured both girls that the other two boys stepped in. Given the context of the altercation as well? It was an honorable and necessary thing to do. They were protecting the girls and standing up for them. Or did you forget that Aemond also threatened to feed those girls to their dead mother's stolen dragon?

"jAcE dReW a KniFe!" Aemond was about to kill Jace's little brother with a fucking rock, all while hurling crazed threats and treasonous insults at them.

"aEmOnD lOsT aN eYe!" ...and? He escalated a situation he himself created, forcing the other children to defend themselves. If you're implying Luc fully intended to take Aemond's eye, you're actually guano. I PROMISE you a child of that age does not have the kind of forethought required to make such a play. Imagine you're a very smol fella, protecting your lady cousins from a violent lunatic, a violent lunatic who also happened to be one swipe away from spilling your brains into the dirt, and was now standing over your BROTHER, one swipe away from spilling HIS brains into the dirt. You actually think that little boy had any coherent thought whatsoever occupying his mind? He wasn't strategizing shit like: "ah, yes, best go for the eyes, ol chap - that'll slow him down AND serve him right!" At that point, Luc was just desperate and swinging for the fences. It didn't matter WHERE he struck Aemond, he just needed to connect and save his brother. Hell, that's the most overused kiddie trope in media, because it's fucking ACCURATE! "You'll shoot yer eye out, kid!" These tiny humans are constantly poking each other in the eyes with various accoutrements in the course of some wild ass shenanigans, and it's always an accident because they're KIDS and they don't THINK and they don't GRASP the permanence of this sorta thing.

And now, another disclaimer, because my mother also passed away when I was around the girls' age, perhaps a bit older. My mother, like Laena, was a kind, brave, and loving person. So, maybe all this makes me a bit biased, or maybe it even gives me a uniquely qualified insight. You decide. But let me tell you something. If anyone - ANYONE (be it child or grown ass adult, idc) - stole my mother's dragon, the dragon I was meant to claim, on the day of her funeral, I'd tear out their jugular with my teeth.

Fuck Aemond.

[ddoxhan]

starry sky

especially missing you tonight

word count : 1.5k

genre : angst, tragic; two where fate separated their friendship

t/w : death

a/n : wrote this ages ago and not edited, I wanted to keep this the way I wrote despite it being (very) slightly different from my current writing style :3 enjoy !!

it's been a while since I came back. two years? longer than I thought would take for things to settle when I moved out of town for college. exactly how long I've not seen you. skipped the new year's once and my mom dragged me back the next. I wanted to reason out with her but well things came to this point. a shade of magenta engulfed the late evening clouds as I looked above my head.

"dinner's ready!"

that was my call to help out with the dinner setting. I looked forward to finishing it as I barely got alone time ever since the start of the holidays. the night was all for myself and I wasn't going to let it all to a waste.

                                                       ☆═━┈┈━═☆

"I'll be back by 11. don't worry."

a drive around the neighborhood brought back some buried memories and filled my consciousness with them. a short tour around would have definitely needed something delicious to start off with. and of course it would be the old lady's food store by the road. we always went over after a long day of school and she still remembers our usual orders. her rice cakes still taste like the ones we had and that somehow brought me back to those times.

when she asked about you, all I could say was 'oh, she's doing fine. a little busy with work.' I do hope you are. don't crush my hopes. remember when we said we would get our driving license together when our 20th spring comes? well, I guess I got mine earlier than you did. I would say I've got some skills nailed down after getting my own car.

as if I have drove in the neighbourhood for years, my feet took me to the river where we used to hang out during the weekends. you would always drag me out of my room to come here. like, nothing interesting here if you ask me. but it holds some very precious moments of you for me. I taught you how to ride a bicycle since you technically rented one and forced me to teach you. that was the very first time you successfully rode a two-wheeler without falling miserably.

it seems that the owner of the convenience store inherited it to his son. I still remember how he stared at you the whole time we were choosing what to eat. and again, he asked for you. the same reason rolled off my tongue like it was an automated response. getting ice-cream, I took my leave from the store to get a nice seat by the river. we used to take the one under the big tree so we don't get sunburned as bad as that time we went to the city amusement park.

the purple hue still remained faintly in the sky as it slowly got darker. you used to make wishes at weird things like the clock striking 11:11, when breaking wooden chopsticks perfectly in half and even when you just come across a coin. you were one hopeful kid and I was the total opposite. guess they were right when they said opposites attract. and as time went by, that didn't seem to be the case.

no matter how close we used to be, you had moved out of town and I too had moved for my studies. first few months went by as usual, calls and texts were everyday. first year came and things died a little. you and I met new people in new environments and maybe I missed your presence. I needed that warmth and I projected that feeling on my new acquaintances to feel safe.

but it just didn't feel right. numerous people came and went yet none could fill that empty spot. a normal day with nothing out of the blue came by but I gathered the courage to contact you after so long.

'the number you have dialed is unavailable.'

you changed your number. even your parents didn't pick up and seems that they changed theirs too. I was alone that night in my room, with my roommate out. it was summer but the loneliness just felt so chilly, I had to slip into a sweatshirt. that was our story.

the ice cream had almost melted entirely as I returned from my daydream. thank god I had bought a paper plate in case it dripped onto my clothes. the way you used to. spending most of my time with you then, made me pick up your habits. the way you talk, the way you think.

one drop. two drops. another one. the emotional rollercoaster I had been on this whole time finally came to a stop and I can't process my feelings. anger? resentment? regret? sorrow? or was it all at once? I had only found out when my mom called me as I finished my last class for the day. you were gone. she said it was cancer. the reason you moved out was because you needed to receive treatment in the city for the equipment.

her words hit me like a meteorite had just crashed on me. why couldn't you tell me? were you worried that I couldn't accept? well, it would have been better if I had faced it earlier. instead of making me feel all the guilt I could ever feel. I could've been there with you, to fight against the pain, and be someone you could lean on.

taking out the poorly folded paper I had always carried with me, I was again brought back to the times we had no worries. just a bunch of dorks having so much fun, and the world seemed to be so colorful. just like today. unlike every other day, it was as if your words and writing just engulfed me with a warm blanket, blocking out the chilly wind of the night.

jimin, please don't cry too much when you read this. I know it was very selfish of me to not let you know about my condition but I figured, I didn't want to let myself be a burden of yours. I didn't want you to see me die and fade more as each day passed. I didn’t want the memories of our time to end with you crying beside my hospital bed.

if the last time I’ve seen you is the time you waved at me with that smile of yours, my wish has been fulfilled. even if it means pushing you away. as much as I want to see the last moment of you in my memory to be happy, I want you to as well as of the memory of me. my last wish before I leave is for you to come back to our hometown and fulfill what I’ve written above. not to mention, please, jimin. please, don’t cry. when you come back, I will always be here so smile for me. 

jimin-ah, please live to your fullest, for me, for aunty and uncle, for yourself. this would never be a farewell letter. I would never leave your side. forever. you know right? I love you.

no matter how many times I’ve read this, tears would emerge and roll down my cheeks. what would it take to go back and retake my decisions? I would've had no regrets if I’ve tried my best. but I knew I didn’t. that is why it hurts even more than it could ever. I knew I could have done more, tried more, asked more. instead of sitting like an idiot in my room, contemplating on whether to have bought that bus ticket to the city. 

placing the letter back into my phone case, I cried my heart out even if you had asked me to smile when I came back.

‘I miss you’

can’t even fill a hundredth of the feeling. words had became a limit to express my longing to see you again, to hold you again, to have you by my side again. to see that fat smile you would always have on your face whenever I cracked a joke. 

when I had finally composed myself, it had already turned dark. the street lights were the only things keeping darkness at bay. standing up from the bench I had occupied for the past hour, a butterfly found its way to my hand.

"I know. you never left my side. you know I can feel you right?"

"aeri, don’t worry. I’ve grown to be strong, just that you are my weak spot. keeping a smile on wouldn’t be a problem but when it comes to you, it turns bitter. please, stay happy, after all the pain you have gone through. I believe that you are, so I would be also."

the butterfly fluttered several times before taking its departure again. I looked at it with watery eyes from earlier, before blinking them away as I made my way to the car.

"jimin-ah, you know I love you right?"

I turned around, confused and shocked at the sudden voice by my side. I feel my lips curling into a welcoming and friendly smile. I knew it was aeri, no doubt that it was her.

"I do, aeri. I love you so much I want to go and see you instantly but your wish was for me to go on so I’ll do that."

"one day, I’ll be able to see you again, hug you, to let you know. that I’ve been waiting for this my whole life."