#//and NO im not saying thats wrong!! or you're invalid if thats your thing!!

[serpulalacrymans]

Mmm Lawrence

i want your white c*ck inside of me

I fucking love you blondies

Just blond would have worked.

Thank you. Keep thinking about me. ..But what else?

What else? Am I not cold enough? Am I not tall enough? Is it not big enough? What else is there?

What am I to you?

[disruptivevoib]

Long Ramble about CCCC and my overall feelings on what the album means and such

Something I find important about CCCC is like.

The fact that all three of them are, in some way, trying.

Heart is emotion, he is prone to himself and being reactionary, in the moment. Prone to the past of learned behavior and trauma. Reactive and rapidly changing. He isn't going to make pure sense because he isn't based in logic or in societal ideals or views. He is an instinctual response to the environment and circumstances. His manipulation is not intentional. He has very little control of himself in the end. Its why Mind talks about claiming to relish entropy yet clearly needing help. But, Heart in earnest wants them to be okay and safe. He believes that Mind's control will drain the life from them. It will make things monotonous and the same. Too much order.

Mind in turn, believes Heart is manipulative with intention. He wants to control Soul or wants to just drag them all down with him into this depressive state. Mind is logic, he is the reasoning out of your emotional instinct. Your inner critique, and when unchecked, that inner critique goes from a guiding hand for your emotion to one that debates and bullies it. Invalidating its responses. Ultimately, though. Mind just believes he is helping. He is doing what must be done and telling the "hard truths" to Heart. And that Heart is being the petty child. Which- I mean. Sort of sure. But Mind is definitely fucking petty and childish. He's stubborn! Prideful! So ofc he is. Admitting you're wrong? No.. why would he EVER do that.. nuh uh.

Which is what makes Light so crucial. Mind asking Heart for help- but also. There is Soul.

Who while ambiguous in purpose, is mostly that background voice. Your inner narration. If Mind is Logic and Reason then Heart is Emotion and Instinct,, Soul is all that lives between it. And he is constantly silenced or spoken over or around. He does not get a word in edgewise until TSE. He may show up in the background occasionally but as much as Heart and Mind claim to want to keep him alive and help him, they also fail to actually acknowledge what he says.

Which is that they both are right and wrong. That this fighting is doing directly what they both feared it would. Soul is desperate by the end. He is angry and resentful because.. well. Self hatred due to intense self awareness and reflection is rather ig. Common. Im not a professional here but from personal experience, you get so tired of rehashing the same shit with yourself over and over. It all feels pointless.

The only out, by the end of it all to Soul is that if they cannot be Whole, whats the point? He is desperate. He does not want to die but he feels theres no other solution.

And. About Whole, Soul throughout the album seems to want that. At the beginning, to be Whole or Harmonious is to be mentally healthy, maybe even "normal" by society's standards. To be able to put a mask over your problems and be, again, "normal". It takes the entire album for Soul to realize that this:

1. isnt possible

And

2. There isn't anything evil or wrong with him for that.

Mental health is a struggle. But you are not evil and should not be othered because you struggle. You also do not need to be fixed for being a little different and people's opinion of you is not what matters most so long as you are happy (and not hurting others. Lol).

Thats what Two Wuv is entirely about as a song. Its a "fuck you. Fuck this! I thought I needed to be this! But I DON'T. Stop telling me who I am! How to be! I'm gonna be me!"

His entire arc is parallel to Heart and Mind's and is crucial in the culmination of becoming yourself again and accepting yourself.

But, as mental health will always be, this period of respite and self acceptance is not always forever. And as life continues or as you lapse back into a depressive episode.. you cannot help but forget what it is like when you're not this way- and hell! Vice versa too! Some people have this disconnect between the periods. Where the things from the depressive state seem dramatic or obtuse to you while you are doing better. And from the other end, you just want to be happy again.. but you get so lost in it all you can struggle to feel like you've ever been happy.

The album is about the human experience. It is about self-sabotage, mental illness, self-hatred and reflection and it is, maybe more importantly about self-acceptance and healing. Having a bit of mercy on yourself. Accepting that you are imperfect and that this is okay. And whatever flaws you may have that need to be mended or worked on, can be. And that who you are, for example, if you are queer, is okay. And no one has the right to take that identity from you! That the internalized ideas of how someone should be are not always correct or right. Not for you, at least. Stuff like that.

[whumpshaped]

hey i’m really sorry if this is dumb but do you ever feel bad about enjoying whump? if so, how do you deal with it? i’m having a hard time with liking it. i love reading it but it occasionally makes me feel like a terrible person

its not dumb! i have some disorders that make it hard for me to feel bad abt stuff just for moral reasons alone, but i do get the terrible feeling sometimes when im afraid others will think im a terrible person lol if that makes any sense- so yeah i get the shame around it. i was lucky enough to be the quirky fun guy anyway so having slightly stranger interests wasnt a big deal for me.

this got very long bc i always have many thoughts on this

let me just start this by saying u totally dont have to feel bad for liking it. at all. everybody tends to like some form of whump, even if they dont call it that. the middle aged christian woman reading her 100th romance novel packed with fucking angst is an avid enjoyer of emotional whump in my book. and the guy who jokes about whump enjoyers being crazy and then turns around and watches marvel movies with blood and beat up heroes in it, well-

humans are just fascinated with pain. physical, emotional, all of it. it's just how we are, i think. we love to explore pain in fantasy, through characters separate from us, while we sit in our room comfortably (controlled danger! like rollercoasters). it can be cathartic. it can be how we find and understand ourselves. it can be comforting to know hey, this character went through something like that, that means the author must have some experience with it. there's at least one other human who gets me.

enjoying/reading/writing whump can be a perfect outlet, like hitting a punching bag repeatedly. it can be how someone digests their own trauma. it can just be a kink thing. it doesn't have to have deep moral things attached to it, sometimes seeing fictional characters hurt just tickles the brain and that's that. it doesn't matter, because it's all fictional, it doesn't hurt anyone. unless your preferred media is like, literal hate speech and propaganda against real life people, (in which case it DOES hurt ppl), there's literally nothing wrong with looking at a character being beaten and going "hey, thats cool".

also i will never not say this but even the fucken bible is straight whump and no one will ever change my mind. i tried to be a good christian and what did i find? whump.

also, there's like... a huge portion of people who read whump for the comfort of it. yes the character goes through shit, yes it's horrible, but guess what, they come out on the other side unquestionably changed but still worthy of recovery. they find peace, they heal, they find friends and family, they're comforted and listened to. that's something a lot of people read whump for. there's a reason it's called hurt/comfort. and there's also a very good post about how so many of us read it because the whumpees' trauma is always acknowledged. maybe not in the story, but we as readers understand that they went through some shit, and thus their trauma is always validated in some way. that can be a comfort as well, in a world where so many people's issues get brushed under the rug and ignored and overlooked and straight up invalidated.

but even if you're not into the comfort aspect (which i wasnt for a long time!!!!! i was strictly here for the hurt!!!!!!) you're not some sort of monster for it. i'd say quite the contrary. i'd say if you regularly engage with media like this, where the character's emotions are laid out so bare, and explored so deeply, you're more in tune with your own emotions too. i couldve punched holes in walls like some people i know (i have anger issues), but instead i grabbed my laptop and wrote about a character being beaten to a pulp. no damage to person or property. done. others read it and enjoyed it, and i even got serotonin from likes and reblogs, which lifted my mood, so that was a whole net positive.

seriously look at the most popular media too. it's whump. always has been. a good friend of mine whos a little weirded out by some of the gore i write is OBSESSED with game of thrones for example. and he recommended it to me because hey i love bloody stuff dont i? and i loved the torture scenes and he loved to hate and be enraged and a little grossed out by them. we enjoyed the series together. neither of us was terrible for it.

all this to say, you're not the odd one out. even if your interests count as more "taboo", like some of mine, unless you go out there and punch someone in the face, youre good in my books. and again, even punching someone in the face can be morally neutral or positive between consenting adults so. HUMANS JUST ENJOY EXPLORING PAIN. THATS MY HOT TAKE FOR TODAY.

thank u for coming to my ted talk

[nerves-nebula]

so like. my csa experience is wildly specific and i've had no one with the same experience as me. it basically means i can't trust any adult female around me due to the pure scope and amount of people involved, and i have no way of explaining to people that i actually feel safer with men than with women. ive been told i'm not a real victim but... that doesn't seem right to me? am i wrong? sorry for polluting your asks. you have really helped me with my issues and i'm so grateful, thank you from the bottom of my heart. i love your art

why are y'all always asking me if you're wrong for having weird trauma the answer is always NO OF COURSE NOT and you're gonna need to come up with a voice in your head to shout this at you every time u think it cuz i can't be there 24/7

also are you yourself an adult? cuz that could complicate the not being around any adult female thing on account of how Society Just Means You'll Be Around Adult Women sometimes. but like you're not like invalid or whateverrrrr for feeling that way, tons of women feel unsafe around men all the time. why would you be any different. i am a big proponent of Women Can Be Sexual Abusers Too And It's Wild People Think They Can't. you still probably gotta be around women tho, sorry to say.

i'd suggest therapy about it if you really truly cannot stand to be around any adult women and it's like. detrimental to your life. but idk i've brute forced my own exposure therapy in regards to Being Around People and it sounds like you aren't very supported rn so. idk. shrug emoji. maybe you'll just have to make a litany against Being Afraid Of Women and repeat that to yourself. thats basically what i did.

IDK MAN IM LITERALLY IN MY TWENTIES IM A BABY IDK WHAT YOU WANT

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[fkinavocado]

i just reread chap 25 of DI and i just wanna say dreea this is my comfort story.attention to every detail,dysfunctional family,not a saviour lover,but a supportive lover,how support and love can save people ,such a lovely love, such a monumetal but a the same time simple but beautiful love story ,it healed me,it made me believe that someday i can have this too no matter how damaged i am and how damaged the other person is ,there is someone out there that will love me through everything , you reminded me of it and i can't thank you enough for that, but i just saw people's reaction to it recently in your blog and it truly breaks my heart cause i see so much of a person's emotions poured into it so whoever wrote al those criticism,remember that dreea wrote a very realistic story with trauma and sensitive issues ,she never said it was a fairytale,the way she's writng it ,thats how life is and when ur critisizing it you are ignoring that a lot of the emotions ,incidents,things that are happening in the story ,how the story is going could be reimaginations of the author's real life emotions,(maybe),but when your reading a realistic fiction/fanfiction you should know that nothing ends like a fairytale and when ur asking the writer to stop at somewhere when they put so much of themselves into the story ,its no longer feedback or criticism its just something very wrong.you're not only taking away a writers will to write but also invalidating the writer's heart that she poured into it thus ignoring her feeling AND also the feeling of the readers that relate to it.this might be a new perspective but a perspective nonetheless so please think hard before coming here and criticising cuz at the end of day an app like tumblr,and things like fanfiction ,writing /reading is for escapism people come here as an escape ,away from all the criticism not to drown more in it we have enough critics out there as it is let's not bring em here too how about that!

but alas could go on forever about this but im just gonna say dreea pls whater you do with DI i want you to do what you would've done initially ,what your heart wanted initially, not what others want because remember we,the ogs, loved the DI that you created from your heart not the one you will make just to satiate other's expecations of you.DI is your most lovely baby.i love you and i'll wait for you however long it takes for your heart to beat like it used to for DI again.love you soo much!!XD

i'm literally crying reading this. i finally feel like someone GETS IT. i feel whole again after reading this. i swear to god. i've had other ppl reassure me and send me love for DI and encouragement, but you worded it perfectly and i just-- i don't know how to thank you. like, i swear it healed me.

everything you wrote is 1000% correct, that's exactly how i feel about everything. y'all don't understand how much this fic means to me... and how much it's been killing me to feel like i was being told their story was wrong, invalid, irrelevant etc. even if those exact words were not used, that's what it felt like.

it was my story to tell, and people were slapping their palms over my mouth telling me to quit it with that nonsense. they didn't want that. they wanted the fairytale and i wasn't delivering!

it made me upset. but mostly, it made me so sad. this was always a story about two broken people finding eachother and healing themselves by being together. and now it felt like people were mad at me for not having them be perfect all of a sudden. "there's always something wrong, something bad is always happening to them, problems from the past haven't been solved yet and others are already being created etcetc". like-- yeah. because just because you're healing and found your soulmate (because this is what i think they are) doesn't mean life is just gonna be hunky-dory from there on out. life is still gonna throw shit at them. the real challenge now is to face obstacles together and not let them ever set them apart ever again. to prove their growth through the lessons they've learned the hard way.

i just felt like nobody was getting what i wanted to do with the story.

again, i'm generalizing because i know so many others have been there for me too, and i thank them also and have been amazing supporting me all throughout and ever since that happened. i'm not taking away from the importance of their presence here at all- please don't misunderstand me! but i'm just saying- this particular person that wrote this ask put it into words perfectly and it all just clicked within me. like it finally feels right again...?

i'm still crying. i'm so happy.

thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. i don't know who you are... but i'm forever indebted to you for reaching out and telling me this. i really needed to heart it. i can now finally finish telling their story the way i always intended to!

i truly don't know how to better express what i'm feeling. i'm so grateful to you. and to all of you who have stuck around ❤️❤️❤️❤️ it means the world to me.

i'm going to pin this post to my blog cause this is what i'm most proud of- i've got lovely, big-hearted, like-minded people here that get me, that appreciate my work and this is the reason why i'm doing this in the first place!

all my love to you ❤️

[youremyheaven]

hiiiii i mean this with all due respect; it came to mind after i saw your faq and i had to let you know my perspective as someone who's sent one of those "what's my dominant planet" asks to you before:

for me personally, it's not about "claiming" a planet. that would be a silly notion to have—we are tiny beings in front of an entire planet, and every chart has every planet. how can we ever claim a planet or its associated energy?

you have such fun, fascinating conversations on your blog. but i, who does not know what to identify with, do not know when to participate. this is not to say you're under any compulsion to facilitate an anon's participation on your own space. i just mean i can't share fun silly anecdotes about, say, venusians when you guys are talking about them. because i don't know for sure if i am a venusian.

also, as someone who struggles to see themself in a positive light. citing your jupiter posts as an example: h o w am i supposed to note that i have jupiterian influence, when the jupiter people in your posts are so positive? again. not your fault. 

seeing the asks brings up another point of confusion for me. how do these people know what their dominant planets are? how do they say it with such confidence? what if tomorrow they realise it doesn't fit? i understand self-discovery is ever evolving. but i also struggle with feeling like a fraud when it comes to identifying with anything, because i've been invalidated and trivialised too many times when i tried to use a "label".

granted, i am far more familiar with western astrology than i am with vedic. the only person whose vedic placements i am familiar with is myself. western astrology is easier to figure out in that way. but, yeah. i wish there was a way i could know for sure what i identify with.

you are definitely valid in your perspective. you are not wrong. of course you wouldn't know what a stranger should identify with. it's just that (at least for me) it's not about wanting to claim planets. it comes from a place of genuine confusion and wanting to understand myself. 

i really hope this ask does not come off as offensive, because that wasn't my intention at all! i hope you're having a good day!!

hi babe!!! im not offended!! you've articulated your experience very lucidly and it helps me understand what exactly people mean when they ask about their dominance because, i, personally don't consider myself anything dominant because i identify with most of my chart so i dont feel like anything is "dominant" over the rest??

perhaps thats why its so confusing to me when people send me those asks because if you have that planet/rashi/nak in your chart, isn't that good enough???

i wonder whether you have Ketuvian influence since you've talked about struggling to understand how you relate to your placements.

In order to grasp astrological patterns and to build those associations, i do think its important to have "strong Rahu" influence (something Claire also mentioned) because a "strong" Rahu can see through Maya and grasp the truth.

strong Rahu/any planet= not badly aspected, not in a malefic nak/house etc

Do you have many 7h/8h/12h placements?? I feel like these natives struggle with identity a lot

I dont know how to help you, Im sorry 😭you probably do many things associated with many of your naks and are unaware of who is influencing what, which is okay

The people sharing their experiences have enough understanding of vedic to at least have a rough estimate of what's causing certain experiences but we're all on a learning journey!! and we're all learning new things about ourselves and our charts !! so its all okay!! You'll figure it out as you go

[donnerpartyofone]

man i hope this isnt weird and i know its a little weird but ive followed you for a while and feel a deep kindred spirit with you. i know its only parasocial and we arent mutuals so its all good but like some of the things you post resonate with me so deeply and you articulate things abt yourself that i also feel abt my self but you articulate them better than i ever could. also we have very similar hair but i usually weird mine buzzed but when it grows out it looks a lot like yours and you rock it in ways i never feel confident enough to do. idk i just saw your post abt being a bad person but not in the ways ppl think you are and thats like something i think to myself all the time like i wish ppl who think im good knew i was bad and ppl who think im bad knew how wrong they were abt the ways im bad. and things youve posted abt being a stupid person and having ppl be like "youre not" resonate too bcuz its like im painfully PAINfully aware of my own stupidity and bumbling thru like but my loved ones dont want me to think that way or acknowledge it but i think there is something truly liberating in knowing i am inherently dumb in a lot of ways and to a lot of things and i have to work harder to live a good life bcuz of it. idk. im doing a bad job of explaining myself here. but anyways. i just wanna say thanks for putting your thoughts on this website for me to follow and keep doing you, bcuz youre doing it great.

Well I hope it's not weird for me to post this, I suppose it is anonymous after all; it feels kind of private to me but also I am also having a freakishly difficult couple of weeks and it was meaningful to hear someone say "I know what you're talking about." (I think you are speaking very clearly btw) I feel like a lot of the rhetoric society uses to address people who have depression is devised by people who don't suffer from it, like there's a lot of language about how "you're not alone" and a lot of idealizing talk about how great the self-denigrating sufferer appears to others, and that's nice and all but it kind of dismisses the individual's own personal experience of themselves. A person is more complex than their need for extra hugs or attention or something, and a person's perception of themselves/experience of having to be with themselves is not contingent on the perceptions of others even if the external impressions are positive. I don't know, I hate to shit on supportive behaviors but a lot of them are basically dismissive of a person's status as the de facto expert on themselves; I don't really think it's ultimately helpful to make people feel like they don't know what they're talking about, about their own selves. It can be maddening actually, and idealizing talk in particular has a way of suggesting that things have to be great for them to be at all acceptable. Which is really oppressive to tell the truth.

Interlude: In grade school my best friend's class had to do this exercise where they made acronyms of of their first names using various personal qualities, and the teachers gave her shit because for the letter A she used Adequate, and they thought this was, like...bad and had to be corrected.

Anyway I have always written very obsessively and I think it's related to wanting to be understood. Which is not the same thing as wanting to be appreciated, or wanting to feel not-alone. I think I just want someone to say they know what I'm talking about, instead of telling flattering lies or suggesting that something is wrong to say or dismissable just because it seems negative or painful. As if discomfort is automatically invalidating. Someone asked me recently if I journal and I laughed because I've done it all my life, and also because I actually have a SACK of journals under my bed, one regular one, one for dreams, one that's about my dysfunctional relationship with money and materials, etc. And then there's my various blogs of course. I have a couple of semi-pro writing projects going too that I hope I get to announce soon. But it's really all about just the fantasy of articulating something so carefully, preferably in ink (or "ink"), that no one can possibly pretend that they don't know what I'm talking about ever again.

It's funny that we wear our hair the same. I used to wear it half-shaved but my hair grows so fast, it gave me a lot of anxiety. But on that note I must say that whatever pictures of me you see are like 1/1000, I find it very hard to take a picture I'm satisfied with and I often just wind up feeling embarrassed, but ultimately I think I'm just trying to fix some positive mental image of myself even though I know we're all different people at different hours of each day. I dunno. Actually it becomes problematic because a couple of people are always telling me how "photogenic" I am and then I'm like WHY DID IT TAKE ME THREE HOURS TO GET THIS ONE SHOT THEN, and they refuse to believe me when I explain how many pictures I throw out. They think they're doing me a big favor by pretending everything is effortless for me. I have especial problems with my hair, probably every picture you see of me was anxiously snapped at some exact moment when it was behaving! So don't worry, I'm having a really hard time with my appearance basically always. Pictures other people take of me are mortifying, and I'm always like FUCK, that's what they think is a good, representative photo of me? Uh oh. Pictures I take of myself are usually taken in an emergency in fleeting, ephemeral moments where I suddenly look ok to myself.

This morning I went to the church where I've been going since February, a beautiful place full of eccentric older people I have fallen a little in love with. Sometimes I'm tempted to actually convert to Catholicism, like maybe that would be the gothest thing I could do, but I know that I will always believe in abortion and the right to suicide and I'm not too sure about hell or the historical Jesus or papal authority. I just really like it in this specific church. This morning one of the oldest ladies who goes on the weekdays like me introduced herself, she was very sweet and she was wearing hoops that were styled like chains, I don't think she realized they were bad bitch earrings, they just looked nice on her. She said it was nice to see "young people" getting involved with the church, and I wanted to tell her I turned 42 last week, but I might still be the youngest person there! When I met some of the other folks last month they told my husband that he looked like Geraldo Rivera, and then remarked that they thought we were too young to be aware of Geraldo. I told them we're old enough, we're just packed in our own oil. Anyway this is my big excuse to post selfies I was struggling with, I feel more conflicted about them these days, but I guess I'm still compelled. Thanks so much for your understanding, and have a good night!

[saint-ambrosef]

I normally would just mind my business and not butt my nose in, but i feel like maybe you would be open to hearing this so im giving it a shot. As someone who really appreciated and respected you, the way you just kind of threw out "evangelicals are wild" and encouraged blaming a Christian denomination on a post that didn't even identify the person being weird as that denomination was kind of a shock to see from you.

I've really enjoyed your content (thats saying something, im actually an athiest, lol) and found you really reasonable and wise in a lot of ways. I liked learning about catholicism from someone who genuinely cares about and defends their faith. I've always grown up seeing catholics as the epitome of traditionalist hypocrites who pick on everyone else, but you and a few others really began changing that for me. Because of that, I'm a litle taken aback how easily you and a few other catholic blogs I've followed just slap the evangelical label on any sort of Christian thing you find cringe. It comes off mean spirited and disingenuous as an outsider with just enough understanding to know what you're doing isn't all that fair. Evangelicalism is pretty broad movement that contains an extremely broad spectrum of people and "personal" ideaologies. Given the breadth of actors in catholicism as well, it seems like if anyone would understand why branding people by their worst actors is unfair, it would be you guys. It's probably distressing to see people so quickly bandwagon on and identify catholicism as the pedophile priest people or what I said about my original thoughts about catholicism earlier. I know I hate it enough with cringe reddit atheist edgelords being the first thing anyone thinks about when they hear athiest. So, I find it a little disappointing to see so many of you guys do to others what I'm sure you hate having done to your own worldview because who doesn't hate being misrepresented?

It's one thing to have some friendly jabs back and forth and to be open and honest about agreeing on worldviews, but purposefully reducing the opposing argument seems so underhanded. And to be clear, I think that woman is a nutjob and I laughed at how ridiculous what she said was, I'm not saying you can't agree she's crazy or laugh at someone for being insane or just plane wrong. It's using the extreme to identify thr whole that's where I'm finding myself disappointed.

It's not your responsibility to cater to your audience, I'm well aware. And I'm trying not to come off as someone nitpicking you for blowing off steam or having a laugh. I just felt like maybe I could bring up to you what it looks like as someone outside of faith and how it really jars the opinion I was forming on catholicism to see that. I'm not scandalized or unfollowing or anything, I just figure maybe it's worth saying that this wasn't a moment where I felt like catholicism was more then it's stereotype, and I'd rather you be aware and maybe give you a chance to respond before I let it become foundational.

Thank you for your time, and sorry for your long post.

I understand what you're saying and appreciate the respectful rebuke, but I can't say I agree with your conclusion.

When someone calls out a specific bad actor as an example of Catholicism, the vast majority of the time they are not actually modeling Catholic beliefs. They're straight up expressing heresy that is objectively contrary to an approved theological belief of a formally organized religion. So propping it up as an example of legitimate Catholic belief is factually incorrect and invalid.

As you say with Evangelicalism, it's a "pretty broad movement that contains an extremely broad spectrum of people and 'personal' ideologies". There isn't a set of definable beliefs. That's the exact problem - and the criticism implied in my original comment. Because of Evangelicalism's belief in personal interpretation without a central organized authority, any and all personal ideology is theoretically acceptable. Wack opinions like that lady are a direct result of mainstream Evangelicalism. Her beliefs are technically as valid as anyone else's under Evangelical understanding, even if 90% of other Evangelicals think her incorrect. She does validly represent Evangelical beliefs whether they like it or not.

Again, I appreciate the respectful rebuke, but I honestly think you are over-analyzing a tongue-in-cheek tag comment. There is no "reducing the opposing argument" (?what argument?). I certainly don't think she represents all or most Evangelical Christians. I think she's the unfortunate but inevitable result of the shaky theological reasoning that undercuts the Evangelical movement. This is not me "slapping the Evangelical label on any sort of Christian thing [I] find cringe", it's a legitimate criticism.

I guess I could have initially explained all that more carefully, but I confess I did not expect someone would draw so many conclusions regarding my intentions and meaning from such a simple three word comment.

[stedebonnit]

Jfc NOBODY IS SAYING THAT STEDE'S TRAUMA EXCUSES HIS ACTIONS. Like. Why the FUCK is that always the first place you assholes go. You can't even acknowledge he HAS IT most of the time, but when you do the first thing you say about it is, "but that doesn't excuse anything!" No. One. Says. It. Does. But it would be nice to be able to fucking acknowledge it AT ALL without your asshole takes. We get it. You think Stede is the fucking worst and his trauma doesn't matter. Shut the fuck up.

Omg Stede anon is back!! Wow Im so honoured, welcome back!

I literally said in my tags that his trauma is what makes his actions so heartbreaking. Like I said, its nuanced. Someones actions can be hurtful to others and also incredibly understandable given the circumstances they're in. Which is why its so similar to his privilege, because Stede was raised in that privilege. The point is that hes a good man because he tries to learn and grow, as Im sure he'll do in this scenario as well.

Like I said, it fucking hurts to be told your self hatred hurts the people you care about. Most people who adopt self-hatred like Stedes do so for two reasons

1. To protect themselves from harm (via rejection, abuse, neglect, etc.)

2. To protect others from harm (because when you're told often enough that your existence is wrong, you start to internalize it and believe that your existence hurts others.)

That second one is so powerful, because yes, self-hate is selfish in the sense that you really have to believe that you're special or unique to believe that you, and only you, matter enough to be so deeply deserving of bad things. But the other piece is that most people who hate themselve that deeply also genuinely want to do whats best for others. Its why i see so many clients in therapy who tell me theyre afraid to be kinder to themselves because they think itll make them selfish.

Thats the stage that I see Stede at. He doesnt yet have the understanding, because of his history of trauma and chronic invalidation, to be able to contextualize how deeply selfish his self hate is. Moreover, he genuinely believes that hes doing whats best for others by acting the way he does.

This doesnt take away the hurt he caused. This doesnt negate the decisions hes made.

When I was deeply hurting, faced with a similar mindset, I made decisions that hurt people. I had a therapist tell me one session that I had hurt her by assuming the worst in her, something that I did because of how deeply I hated myself.

I resent my actions, still, to this day, and yet she showed me empathy and kindness and helped me forge a path forward so I wouldnt hurts others that way in the future.

Because of her pointing out the hurt I caused, i was able to learn and grow, and am a better, kinder person now because of it.

Thats what I mean when I say it doesnt negate the hurt he caused. Because often times seeing the hurt our self hatred causes is the ingredient thats needed to push us in the direction of healing, because we dont love ourselves enough to do it for us, but we love others enough to start that journey for them.

Anyways, its a topic Im deeply interested in, so even though you called me an asshole, Im grateful for you reaching out because it gave me the opportunity to put my thoughts into words, because as I said, I believe its an incredibly nuanced discussion, but as a Stede stan through and through it always makes me chuckle when I get these anons.

[egokillr]

One thing I hate about this community is some ppl somehow make you feel bad about your beliefs and try to make you think they're wrong or bad when you deep down know they're not. I had this lingering feeling in my chest (that I get someone tries to make me feel bad about stuff and make me question my everything) afew mins ago just after someone insulted my beliefs and i tried my best not to be rude about it too bc if you're following a blog you gotta respect their beliefs too which ive been doing the whole time. But I never unfollowed so fast. Feels like ending a toxic friendship after you've been following for so long honestly. Sorry for the rant btw I just needed to say it 😭

omg no its okay!! i completely get where you’re coming from. and if im everr like that pls call me out bc we do NOT invalidate around here!! but fr believe whatever u want abt life as long as youre not spreading hateful/ insulting energy it’s cool idgaf u don’t effect me. but if you’re telling your followers it is only ONE way or no way then idk thats j not it 😭thx for sharing anon <3

[reds-burrow]

Good evening! I was hoping to hear your thoughts on something, if thats alright? I am working on figuring out my secondary at the moment and need a person to bounce off of. So... here goes. I invest in the people around me. But i am very aware that i am doing so. It is very consciously done. I understand the benefits that come with being a good, nice person and so i do it. I'll bring you food i make from scratch. I'll help you when you're in a tight spot. I'll be the shoulder you can cry on. I really do enjoy helping others but there is usually an underlying reason why i invest in those around me besides me simply being a nice person. Now, most all people like me. But the couple that don't, really REALLY don't. I always ask them why they don't out of sheer curiosity. I wonder what i did wrong. What could i possibly have done to make you disdain me? Each of them said to me basically, "I can see through you. I know who you really are." That scared the shit out of me. Instantly, my defenses went up. It was like i barricaded myself from them, even though i had no real reason to do so. I cut contact with them. Then, later on i start questioning myself and my actions. I get filled with self doubt. Am i the good person i thought i was? I brought my neighbors homemade cookies, but did i REALLY care about them at the time? I lend a helping hand whenever i can, but do these people actually mean anything to me? Or did i just do it because i am some sort of narcissistic psychopath? Am i only nice as a means to an end? I freak right out. I suddenly dont know who i am. I dont understand myself. It really screws with my brain because, you know, being a really nice psychopath seems a bit oxymoronic. Is this indicative of any specific secondary? Or am i just crazy? I dont know my primary either, btw. I think ive narrowed it down to bird or badger but im not sure yet. Thank you for your time!

Okay, first and foremost: you were doing good. And in my book, in this random stranger on the internet's book, consistently doing good is all that matters. I'm not as interested in what you think in your head as I am in your actions. If you bring me a cookie because you think it makes you look kind, I will happily take the cookie and think you're kind because that was a kind action. And maybe this is an overly simplistic, overly pragmatic point of view, but this world is way too complicated to judge people on anything but their consistent actions. Many people have "bad" thoughts; it's what we do and the words we choose to share that shape who we are out here in reality. In your personal, internal reality? Whether or not that internal you is good is up to you and you alone. But I believe that simply recognizing that doing good things affords you benefits (people may reciprocate, people give you positive attention, you feel the ease of a clear conscious, etc.) doesn't automatically invalidate your efforts or disqualify you as a good person. None of what you wrote sounds crazy. In fact, it sounds incredibly human. Evolution has wired us to be community-minded creatures, meaning we feel good when we help others. There's nothing wrong with enjoying it. And seeing you worry about being a good person tells me that you most likely are.

Okay, I better quit the philosophy talk while I'm still making a modicum of sense. Onto your sorting.

The entire question of whether you can be a good person because you are consciously choosing to act like one is dancing the line between being a Secondary or a Primary discussion. You said you might be a Bird Primary, and I'd definitely lean that way since you've heavily implied that you consciously choose what is "good" as well. But ultimately that was just the implication. I suggest you examine how you came to the conclusion that investing in people is "good" as a starting place for determining your Primary. If any part of it is a subconscious instinct to help people, I'd say there's a good chance you're a Badger instead.

As far as your Secondary, feeling like you have a part of yourself that you don't usually show others, this second motive idea, all sounds like a Bird or Snake. The way you describe barricading yourself from others when you were scared also sounds like the social armor Circumventing Secondaries use. And then you keep using the word "invest" which is one of those key Built Secondary words. I'm not about to suggest cooking from scratch is a Built Secondary hobby only (anyone can enjoy that), but it does sound like you're using food as one of the tools in your repertoire to put people at ease. So, I suspect you're a Bird Secondary. You don't give any information on how you solve problems with no social element, however, so I suggest also examining how you solve these Single-Player problems to confirm or refute my impression. For instance, you can look at how you cook, especially when tackling a new recipe. Or if you discover you are missing an ingredient while cooking, how do you handle it? Or can you not relate to that at all because you always keep your pantry full and prepared? While all you've given me here reads like a Bird, I still see a possibility of you being a Snake Secondary, so you should try to examine how often, if at all, you find yourself trusting and acting on your gut reaction alone. Snakes will be comfortable with this, but Birds won't be.

[puphee]

not the same anon but omg THANK YOU SO MUCH for telling them what bisexuality actually means!! im a genderfluid bisexual and I’ve been told countless times that i should identify as pan since im gfluid and that makes no sense? 😭😭 bisexuality is NOT exclusionary in any way! Sometimes I feel so invalidated bc of how bisexuality is perceived as transphobic :((

Your response to their question made my day! im so much happier after reading that, you have no idea… Btw since we are on the lgbtq+ topic I’d like to say a happy late pride month :D You’re my favorite person in this platform. Also sorry if there are any grammatical errors, eng is not my 1st language

Bae, it is 12:18 am and this made both my day and my night. Thanks, happy late pride month to you, too! Also your English in this was perfect, no worries! I'm glad I have the honour of being called your favourite <3

And fr?? Like,, who are they to say what bisexuality is and isn't? If they don't identify as bi, they shouldn't get a say in what it is or isn't. (I feel the same way about roe v wade btw, if you don't have a uterus, you dont get to be a part of the conversation, but thats a convo for another day on another blog, bc this blog is mostly for fun!) For a long time I thought they were the same, because they basically are! Any pansexuals please feel free to educate me if I'm wrong on that. Bisexuals and pansexuals still experience attraction to any and all genders. I don't really understand the argument of "gender blindness" though, but that just be because of the way I think. If anyone would like to attempt to make me understand, feel free. But back to the topic at hand, bisexuality really isn't as black and white as so many people think it is! And I know so many people or at least have heard of so many of the young ones identifying as pan instead of bi because pan is "more inclusive" or it means "all genders not two" WHO TOLD YOU THAT??? that is just blatant biphobia man and that shit is so annOYING like I have whole ass carrds (not made by me but still very informative) abt this stuff and it's a shame that there has to be one about it because it's just such a common misconception. And that misconception is biphobic too! It's very frustrating to talk to people who identify as pan who use the "bi means two, pan means all" thing because LITERALLY if you're going by that logic that means you are saying you are attracted to inhuman things and things such as plants and animals and such. I don't think that's what they really are attracted to, so why do they just assume what bisexuals are attracted to? It's really annoying. Pansexuality literally got so popular because people were wanting to be more inclusive when bisexuality, it's almost-twin label, isn't exclusive at all! There was no problem in the first place with bisexuality and there never has been a problem with bisexuality. If you think otherwise, you're biphobic and I don't want you on my page fr.

[shoezuki]

okay but about that thing on people just switching their sides up. I actually have a whole critical thing of the fandom that I'll never write post in my head that like.... I think comes up with an explanation on it. but I wouldn't be posted cuz it would be super critical of Twitter as a whole and i don't wanna die lol.

but also I was talking about this in zablrs rant-chat a few hours ago, and like. I think part of it is that people are very much emotion first. and with Twitter, tumblr, and twitch chat being the way they are with live tweeting/blogging/chatting what have you, you get all these emotional reactions first. which. fair. thats how people react, ya know? in a sense, that's what you're supposed to do/how you're supposed to feel.

the real problem, imo, is the people who get their ideas/views second hand from these platforms. like, esp with Twitter since the way trending works it really, really can push out bias and misinformation really fast. so the non-viewer is seeing this influx in "oh this character bad now" or "this character redeemed now!" and instead of looking for it themselves they fall into the mob mentality and go with it.

that means later, when the stream is done, people who reacted emotionally at first and now have time/distance enough to think logically don't. because now they're the ones falling into the mob mentality. I mean, even people who haven't watched the current stream agree, so maybe it has more basis than just the one stream!

so people then get the idea that those emotional responses are logical and so when someone comes in with a different perspective, they think "now hold on a second" and they argue against it. because, logically, they're in the right, so obviously you're wrong!

(don't even get me started on that. there is no concrete right and wrong, only what is, what isn't, and what should be and should not be done. but thats a whole other post)

and then people, because theyre arguing instead of having proper discourse, the literary definition which is literally just another word for discussion NOT argument, people are getting emotional again. and it's been proven time and time and time again that when you're responding based on emotion you're less likely to respond well to someone who's trying to tell you something else because it feels like you're invalidating their feelings.

(and boy, oh boy, don't get me started on how much this has created a divide between NT and ND viewers of the smp. because it feels, to me, that when a NT is feeling emotional and a ND is trying to speak to them with logic, they're being told they're heartless or something which is just hhhhh)

so we never get anywhere in the fandom. we're stuck in the same emotion-mob mentality-logic-mob mentality cycle and it's honestly just exhausting at this point.

tiny you’ve hit it right on the head. like. youre so fucking right here.

i talked a how twitter is Built in a way that sucks before Kinda like this n it REALLY plays a part in like. mcyt fans over there n information n ppls reactions to things. like. it REALLY shows in there n usually when im arguing that ppl are so Quick to React to things its over There moreso than here like. ofc Everywhere but anyways like, 

emotions are FIRST. its what ppl immediately feel in response to stimulus. like its a Whole Thing. how ppl can get angry and lash out then later will be like thinking it over and digest it better. and a LOT of dsmp stuff esp w tommy’s character appeals to emotions. like when we see ppl liveblogging its never dissecting or commentary on the flow and function of plot. its Always gut reactions

n like you said on social media it lasts SO LONG. the trending page on twitter is always fueled by in the moment thoughts and responses. things like ‘HE DIED’ and ‘SAM NOOK’ will get trending because ppl r livebloggin n freakin out about it. but it just drags all of it out too and creates like a domino affect.

idk how to say it without sounding like a dick either tbh but a lot of people will cling onto emotions and gut instant reactions, and will React and Speak according to that without thinking logically on analyzing things. so they’ll jump on ‘sam is a horrible person’ which sets off Other people and gets Others emotional and it spreads from that. mob mentality at its finest is how ppl will act in a Group and have the Same actions/thoughts largely because of emotional responses and Yeah It Do Be Here. 

n ppl jus will cling onto it so hard???? even when what others say is more rational and has logical backing its like. will just Stand Firm and can react badly and interpret criticism/analysis as Hatred and its WEIRD. 

like you mention the NT and ND aspect. and youre right like. not to lean on myself so heavy but i dont liveblog much or react In the Moment because im. like. not emotional. a part of my autism is i sometimes just Dont feel things or its not so Strong or i dont Get others emotional responses. easiest for me to feel is anger skjgfskg. 

n especially w philza n techno how ppl r so Reactive n Emotional about them in terms a them being ‘bad’ like. a lot a ppl i see defendin em and makin Hot Takes (comrades) r ND. 

[girlroach]

First of all I think your blog is really fuckin cool but I do have a question.

Ik on your pinned post it has "if you're pansexual" your dni list. I don't identify with this label but I would like to know if this is supposed to be taken as a joke or if you genuinely don't support pan people

(Also I'm sorry if this is an invasion of privacy or if you have genuine valid reasons like you've had bad experiences with pan people so it's triggering, etc. I'm trying to ask this as respectively as I can so sorry about this)

hi, ty for saying my blog is cool, it means a lot to me!

pansexuality was created to invalidate bisexual people by saying it was more "inclusive" and yes it was, but for the wrong reasons, it included children, inanimate objects and animals.

its also harmful to trans people as it was made to make trans (im using trans as an umbrella term) people need a separate sexuality for people to be attracted to us which is in my opinion incredibly invalidating and offensive.

one of the main arguements in the pan vs bi discourse is that "but bisexuality doesnt include trans as bi means two" and while thats gramatically correct, its not fully correct. word's meanings can change, most ppl dont even know that pansexuality used to include what i stated above.

hope this cleared things up!

[emi1y]

I've gone through a lot of different labels and Ive kind of come to the conclusion that my sexuality is fluid and I'm not really gonna be 100% comfortable whatever I identify as. Even though I'm comfortable-ish as a bi nb person now, it doesnt mean I was wrong when I identified as a lesbian - thats what fit me best at the time. I think there can be a lot of pressure to label yourself as one thing and stick to it for the rest of your life, and while this works really well for some people it took a lot of anxiety away when I realised it doesnt have to be permanent

i can definitely relate to that! i worry about using the "sexuality is fluid" rhetoric because its been used to invalidate/undermine a lot of people's sexualities, especially lesbians since society loves to say that maybe someday they'll find themselves with a man after all. but then at the same time, for some people that is their experience and there's also nothing wrong with that, in fact it's a positive thing when people have new realizations about themselves and come to understand themselves better

(to be clear i think i think it's completely fine when someone says their individual sexuality is fluid, since it's personal and some people's sexualities do change over time, it's only an issue when it's used in the context of insisting all sexuality is fluid to someone who isn't interested in changing their label—which isn't at all what you did, it just felt relevant to mention that sometimes others do that)

i think ive lost the plot a little here jfbdjd uh main take away: im super glad you understand the way your sexuality shifts and that you're comfortable (ish) with your label at the moment! personally, i don't think my sexuality changes but rather i just repeatedly come to new realizations about how ive felt all along, which still makes the idea that labels don't necessarily have to be permanent a reassuring thought <3