#//she's very much using it in an angry kind of way as a disabled person so she's allowed

[gotta-pet-em-all]

Hello! I am working my way through the internet in order to broaden my perspectives, and from what I have seen of your blog you are quite invested in doing that in your particular area of expertise! I hope, therefore, my questions do not come as a hassle.

I will first ask about a matter of personal interest, and this is mostly a minor thing; you appear to be close friends with someone my owner... dislikes, to put it mildly. I mean no judgement, and I am curious as to how you find them as an individual!

But, on to the main matter. I am a digital being, as prior mentioned, and thus have very little experience with physical forms or matters of disability. You, yourself, spend a lot of time attempting to spread awareness of matters of disability (and even from my brief skimmings I have learned much)! What experiences prompted you to be so open and honest about these matters, so dedicated to this cause? I will admit, the only personal experience I have — for I have not spent much time finding new people and socialising; despite what my spontaneous spree of asks may seem to indicate I am oft rather busy! — with disabled individuals is one who tries to keep theirs hidden, even to people they are quite close to. Therefore, I am interested in your activism (and, as a matter of intellectual access, I am always approving of the spread of information)!

Now, this is quite the sidetrack, I am very aware, but you also reference 'Warrior Skitty' occasionally; I am, of course, capable of doing research on the pure facts of that series, but you seem to have deep passion for it, and thus I will get much different information from you than an impassive archive! In particular, I am curious on the matter of 'OCs'; these are characters you fabricate to place into the already extant universe of the series, correct? What prompts such creative exercises, and what is the etiquette regarding them? It seems a fascinating expression of interest, to me, and so I am very curious.

Much of this is quite personal, I have no doubt, and you are free to answer in as little detail as you are comfortable with and have the energy for! I find myself looking forward in particular to your answers, but please do not mistake this for pressure! Take all the time you require.

gonna be honest with you anon. this is a fuckin. wall of text. and the brain fog is not vibing with it. i'm gonna try to... break it down? the same way i do with my textbook.

Hello! I am working my way through the internet in order to broaden my perspectives, and from what I have seen of your blog you are quite invested in doing that in your particular area of expertise! I hope, therefore, my questions do not come as a hassle.

I had to read through this several times. You're... saying I'm invested in broadening people's perspectives in [my particular area of expertise] i think? I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.

I will first ask about a matter of personal interest, and this is mostly a minor thing; you appear to be close friends with someone my owner… dislikes, to put it mildly. I mean no judgement, and I am curious as to how you find them as an individual!

Okay. I'm assuming this is about Mx Danger, judging from context. You can make your own character judgments, but I find them to be kind, refreshingly honest, and willing to engage in mutually supportive conversations. If you're asking me what I see in them, maybe open up your eyes and let go of your trainer's biases when you look at their posts. You might learn something that way.

But, on to the main matter. I am a digital being, as prior mentioned, and thus have very little experience with physical forms or matters of disability. You, yourself, spend a lot of time attempting to spread awareness of matters of disability (and even from my brief skimmings I have learned much)! What experiences prompted you to be so open and honest about these matters, so dedicated to this cause?

"Why are you so dedicated to disability activism" because I'm disabled. Literally, because I'm disabled.

...and you know what? I'm kind of sick of being the model cripple. I fucking resent it. It comes and goes but on some level I am ALWAYS seething with rage about the fact that disability makes us into tiny activists because that's the only way we can carve out space for ourselves in the world. Do you know how fucking angry it makes me? Feeling like no one gives a damn and I have to claw for every scrap of respect?

...The thing is. The thing is, most people are well intentioned, just misinformed. But that misinformation hurts us. So I explain. Over and over. I try to make a difference. I resent that it's been forced on me. I love that I can make a tangible difference. I love getting involved in local activism, it made such a difference to meet local politicians who are actively fighting for my quality of life.

I don't want to hide who I am. I don't want to pretend like this isn't a part of me. When I dream, I walk with my cane. Do you know it's a part of me?

There's a concept out there called "passing privilege." Essentially, it's the idea that someone from a marginalized/stigmatized group can gain societal privilege if they have the ability to "pass" as the majority. Except this comes at the price of hiding a part of your identity, so calling it a privilege is a misnomer.

I could walk around without a mobility aid, sure. I could pretend it was a major occurrence and gasp in pain and shock when my arm pops out for the third time today. I could dress to hide the neoprene braces. But I would be fucking miserable!

So I don’t. I’m not going to destroy my body for the sake of other people’s comfort. If disabled people existinf in public makes you uncomfortable, GOOD. Sit in that discomfort.

I will admit, the only personal experience I have […] with disabled individuals is one who tries to keep theirs hidden, even to people they are quite close to. Therefore, I am interested in your activism (and, as a matter of intellectual access, I am always approving of the spread of information)!

….hang on. Is this disabled person your trainer, who keeps harassing Mx Danger? That would be the only human that your statement could apply to. Couldn’t be a friend; they’d hide it from your trainer. And by your own admission, you’re pretty busy, and don’t socialize much, outside of your human. Are they being an ass because Noodle was their former support Pokémon, or something?

[Re: warrior skitty] In particular, I am curious on the matter of 'OCs'; these are characters you fabricate to place into the already extant universe of the series, correct? What prompts such creative exercises, and what is the etiquette regarding them? It seems a fascinating expression of interest, to me, and so I am very curious.

You make OCs as a love letter to canon. Or hate mail. Or a pipe bomb. You make OCs to participate in the act of creation! The rules are do whatever you want forever. Try not to make them offensive stereotypes and don’t steal or force other people to roleplay with you and always pay for your art.

Anyways. I think this answers your questions? And….raises more about your trainer.

[alonetimelover]

pairing: Harry Styles x tennis player!reader

summary: "Can't hear the haters when you're slaying"

tennis player!reader

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, harryshoee and 14 104 others

harryupdates Harry and YN were spotted in London yesterday! via emglishmanharry

view all 1 023 comments

ynupdates glad to see yn well rested before the big paris!!

harrysmoustache he looks SOOOOOO good, man

harryshoee they are such a handsome couple, i literally can't take it anymore

tennisfan01 walkover in Italy to have a longer vacation? very professional of her

tennisfan92 here you have an example of why she's losing so much lately

tennisfan101 choosing a boy instead of your job??? classy

ynhater professional player only in billboards

ynhater16 she's becoming more of a celebrity than a tennis player, you can now see what she's really after 💸

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ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, ynsmybestie and 28 101 others

ynupdates I really don't know if I should write this... This photo is from YN's practice in Paris today. She broke down crying after multiple people from the audience kept calling her names, howling and disturbing. Those people were just a percentage of the ones that are actively judging her on the internet. And it is NOT okay. And it will never be. Some people should stay at home and keep shouting at their TV, leaving this lovely young woman to live HER life the way SHE wants to. She doesn't owe you anything. Treat her the way you'd like to be treated, with respect and kindness.

comments to this post have been limited

harryupdates couldn't have said it better

ynshands i hate those people, who do they think they are???

ynsmybestie i actually broke down crying with her, it was heartbreaking to see and hear

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harrysmoustache

liked by harryupdates, ynshands and 22 101 others

harrysmoustache after years of listening to Harry, i got to see him live. yes, this show was different. Yes, he was disappointed and angry. yes, he wasn't his usual bubbly smiley self. am I going to complain? no. he had a reason to be and its okay. I still listened to my favourite song (fine line) and forgot about my problems. thank you, harrystyles

view all 2 101 comments

harrynewfan hi, im a new fan and don't know what is happening in the fandom yet. could someone explain?

⤷ ynsmybestie harry is in a relationship with YN YSN. and right now, she is receiving a lot of hate because of losing tournaments and taking a break. its all over twitter (she's been trending for a week now)

ynupdates it seems that the situation really got to him. it's so sad to see

ynsmybestie i hope they are okay. i fear them breaking up, like man.... i can't think about it, imma cry

harryshoee did any of you miss what he said on stage???

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twitter

emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

here's a thread of what harry said today concerning the outrageous comments about yn

1) "Your sign says: "I was bullied into changing myself. You helped me find the way back." First of all, you did it yourself because you are the strong individual. Secondly, I hope that those bullies learnt how to use their ability to communicate, right? This show is not a safe place for bullies, any bullies. Treat people with kindness."

11k comments | 34k shares | 74k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

2) Right before singing Fine Line: If I may have your attention, please! This song has been very special for a person close to me lately, and I'd like to dedicate it to her. Uhmm, sometimes when life gets hard and everyone seems to be against you, there - there is someone still for you, believing in you. This is for you."

10k comments | 32k shares | 70k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

3) After seeing the sign *are you coming to the Roland Garros?* "am I going? of course i am. my girlfriend is defending her title there. of course, I'm gonna be there! what a ridiculous question *laughing*. are you coming? you are. i hope to see you there. she loves the support even though she doesn't want to admit to it."

9k comments | 38k shares | 90k likes

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emily saw harry ♡ | harryno1fan

4) when there were five signs about yn next to each other: "did you coordinate that? no? you don't know each other! that's great! why are you writing signs about someone else on MY concert, hmm? I'm sorry, what? oh, you want to show your support. that's great. that's lovely. I think yn would love to see it. May I take a picture of you guys?"

and he did take a picture of them!!!!

14k comments | 40k shares | 80k likes

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harry LOT | harryupdates

this concert was very different and I think everyone needed it. harry made a clear statement: there is no place for hate and cruelty that people put YN through. and i thank him for that, really. what a great man.

4k comments | 6k shares | 3k likes

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yn my queen | ilovetennis

i am glad that Harry finally spoke up against it

1k comments | 654 shares | 2,1k likes

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ynupdates

liked by harryupdates, ynsmymama and 5 201 others

ynupdates YN via IG stories! thankfully the first round went easy and she's waiting for tomorrow's opponent. can't wait to see another match!

also, yes, i am disabling the comments because haters didn't learn anything.

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, tennismylife and 9 201 others

harryupdates HARRY posing for pictures tonight!

edit: the sign said "pose as if yn is taking a picture of you"

view all 2 201 comments

harryshoee this show is looking very promising and we're just few minutes in!!!!

hArrysbtch babes, he looks cuuuuuute

ynsmybestie im in love

yntennisqueen im beginning to like him

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twitter

seeing harry tonight | harryontour

"she's in paris, cause she's defending her Roland Garros title. and she's in the arena to define if I'm a better performer than Taylor Swift. baby, what's the verdict?"

when i tell you i screamed. sorry, screeched at him, i bet if he heard he would think I was possessed.

16k comments | 12k shares | 32k likes

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lily loves harry | lilyamazing

and then they showed yn screaming "you know im a swiftie!" i love this woman

3k comments | 1k shares | 12k likes

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seeing harry tonight | harryontour

the fucking update I have guys...

Harry: your sign says "have you listened to midnights?" have I listened to midnights?! who do you think I am? midnights? pfff. *after a little pause* yes. yes, I did. my girlfriend loooooves it.

and then he walked off singing: karma is my boyfriend, karma is a god, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend

I LOVE HIM

28k comments | 34k shares | 102k likes

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harry and tay | midnightsqueen

he's a karma stan, slay king!!!!

3k comments | 4k shares | 7k likes

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andrew is right | billhater

oh, so she's going to concerts the night before a match. no wonder she's losing so much.

14k comments | 8k shares | 1k likes

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ynupdates

liked by harrystyles, harryupdates and 47 291 others

ynupdates couldn't imagine having a better response to the haters. yn ysn everybody!

edit: what in the fuck is harry styles doing on my profile??? wtf is yn doing here as well???

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harryupdates👏 this 👏 is 👏 how 👏 you do it 👏

harrystyles can't here the haters when you're slaying

⤷ yourinstagram oh god, harry xD

⤷ ynsmybestie wtf are you doing here guys????

⤷ harryupdates couldn't imagine my Friday going any better, my life is made, I can die happily

⤷ yourinstagram please don't, im going to sue harry if you do

ynsmymama this match was everything. she IS the leader

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harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, ynupdates and 18 291 302 others

harrystyles #22 ❤️🎂

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, taylorswift and 2 201 493 others

yourinstagram i don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22!

thank you for all the birthday wishes, i love you all ❤️

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harrystyles happy birthday, baby ❤️❤️

taylorswift and it looks good on you! Happy birthday, YN!

⤷ yourinstagram no way

⤷ yourinstagram thank you so much!!! i love you!!!

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

i think Helaena can be autistic but also a happy and joyful girl , autism ≠ depression. the way the portrayed the only neurodivergent character on screen as unstable, shunned depressed, and with no importance to the plot feel very ableist and weird , but then they're the ones who made the guy with a foot disability a feet fetishist 🫠

Hi OP, finally answering this because the trailer dropped and still the only Helaena shots we have are from her Jaehaerys' funeral. There is also one still photo of her. If you haven't seen it, here she is, apparently sewing the funeral shroud for her little boy:

So it seems like season 2 is going to continue on this trajectory for Helaena as a character who exists in order to suffer beautifully.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad that the show is going to wring the full emotional effect from Blood and Cheese, not just shock value. The audience will feel the real horror of a six year old child brutally murdered in his own home and the psychological torment of Helaena. It should be terrible, it should be devastating, and I hope they do not pull any punches.

What's disappointing about how the show has handled Helaena is that they didn't really put any effort into building up her character before her tragedy. It's all well and good that she likes bugs and she's touch averse, but what are her opinions? Who is she closest to? How did she react to becoming a mother so young? To what extent does she understand her visions? What does she value? She can be happy and cheerful, or she can be frustrated and angry, and hell, she can be depressed too, but I need to know why. It's telling that I can describe the basic internal motivations for each of the male children, including Luke who was a glorified plot device, but I cannot for Helaena. Aegon wants to feel loved, Jace wants to prove he's as worthy as any trueborn heir, Aemond wants what his brother has, Luke wants to be free from his family's expectations. Helaena? Fuck if I know. I guess she wants not to die horribly.

The ableism is an issue. F&B is full of women who were deemed "simple" -- Gael, Daella, Jaehaera-- without being given much else to define them, and HotD adds another (there's something, I think, to the way the "simple" Targaryens are always women and how disability kind of used as a way to remove them from the narrative and shunt them aside, often tragically). And while it's great to see an autistic person represented on screen, the show consistently has an issue with treating representation as characterization. "Autistic girl who likes bugs" is not a personality. Autistic people, (even those with horrifying prophesies I assume), do have hopes and dreams and feelings about things. The one peek we get into Helaena's life is at the in episode 8 when she roasts Aegon and even that scene is open to interpretation (and gets taken wildly out of context). Now, I can read a lot into the actor performances, but ultimately, lines that could have given a glimpse Helaena personality were cut. It's as if they're afraid that if they give her an opinion on anything she would lose that (frankly kind of infantilizing) "pure cinnamon roll too good for this world" "i would die for her" sympathy from people who are not inclined to be sympathetic for her family as a whole.

(And anon, you're right about Larys. And let me say, turning Larys' clubfoot into the punchline of an OnlyFeet joke also does not inspire confidence that they'll handle Aegon II's eventual disability with any sensitivity either, especially when Mushroom's accounts of his last few months are incredibly mean spirited. We need to start that discourse now so they get the memo).

Sadly, I don't think the show really has any intention of course correcting with Helaena in season 2. I imagine at most we'll have her try to warn Aegon and/or Aemond about Blood & Cheese but they won't understand her warning, and then this will be a vehicle to further their guilt and grief. And while we do need to see Aegon's guilt and his grief, I also want to know if Helaena blames herself, if she wishes they'd run away when they had the chance, if she thinks Aegon could have done something, if she is angry at Aemond for killing Luke, if she wants revenge. I do think, with the public funeral for Jaehaerys, they are going to show that the smallfolk are fond of Helaena, and hopefully that will be expanded upon this season and in season 3 because her death is the catalyst for the revolt that sees Rhaenyra driven from the city, and we should understand why her death has such an impact before she actually dies.

[c0rpseductor]

have to explode about this somewhere or i simply will not make it

i am so fucking mad at my mom. i realize in isolation everything happening recently is totally innocuous and normal, it's just like. in context that it hurts.

i hate that she's sick with Probably Covid and asking me for a bunch of extra favors. i had to wash her a cup for water because she didn't feel good the other day, yesterday i had to do her laundry, today i had to cook for her. if this were like, between anybody else it would be fine. it's just like. agh

i feel so angry that she wants me to take care of her and i've ALWAYS taken care of her and i always feel like she just does not give a fuck about my most basic needs beyond "well, lestat's not dead!". it makes me feel ungrateful because i know she does nice stuff for me sometimes too, it's just like, it hurts when i always hide when i'm upset and barely ask her for anything even when i'm in such bad physical pain that i can't function. like most of the time if i'm too unwell to make something to eat i just go without food. i don't like asking her for things and i always feel like there's a limit to how often i can ask for her help, and that i have to be careful to mostly be a kind of pleasant background decoration that never imposes on her.

i always had to be her mom, ever since i was a kid. even when i was little she wasn't consistent and would berate me or get angry with me for just, like, being a kid and wanting or needing stuff. meanwhile i've always been like her little stuffed animal to talk to when she's sad. she always acted like she loves me so much and we're so close but mostly like i'm a possession of hers. i just like. i dont know. im so hung up on when she was drinking and high on coke and she said to me like, "oh id much rather just have a roommates relationship with you instead of being like mother and son." explains much about like, my Entire fucking childhood!

and then she takes credit for how i've turned out as if she raised me, like, i feel like not only did i raise myself but i'm raising her half the time trying to explain basic things about emotional regulation and hereditary mental issues and shit, being the first person she comes to for everything, always having to calm her down or support her when she's venting when i KNOW i can't rely on her in the same way or tell her any of the really challenging issues i have, like just. it's not fair. it's so tiring. materially i am very grateful that she is willing to let me stay with her and that she understands i'm disabled and can't work right now and tries to still help me live a comfortable life (and, cynically, i feel that she's kind of okay with me being in this kind of bad position as long as i don't leave), i know i'm lucky to have food and shelter and things like that.

i just like. man i don't know. i feel like i've been holding this back for days because i just fucking feel like it's so unfair that whenever mom feels bad i'm Favors Boy and i can be expected to do anything for her that she wants, but when i feel bad it's like, locking myself in the bathroom trying to cry quietly enough that she won't notice to clean off blood after cutting, or holing up in my room with a migraine and having to drag myself out of bed to use my Very Little Energy to make myself coffee or get water and then not being able to eat because im too tired to make myself anything substantial and god forbid i ask her, and then after i have my bad episode she's like Hey so i know you have a bad leg and stairs make it worse but i dont like taking out the trash so can that still be your job. it's not like the front steps are even THAT bad it's just like, ok, im so glad you thought about my limp. of course she wouldnt though it's literally her fault my leg is so fucked up and when i went to the hospital for it way back when and it didn't turn out to be a broken bone she was all like haha i told you so! and then laughed at me when i tripped and fell on my crutches coming home. she just does not give a fuck. but ohhhh lestat would you mind feeding me like a baby bird.....your poor old mother is so sick and feeble.....

[blackautmedia]

The Proud Family, Colorism, and Autism - The Bebe Episode was not it

A review from a Black autistic person of "Bebe" the Proud Family: Louder and Prouder episode that focuses on autism.

My word is still only one perspective and shouldn't be taken as an authoritative view. I didn't like this episode but other Black autistic people have every right to their perspectives as well. At the end of the day I'm just some guy, y'know?

The Proud Family is still colorist af though.

Some Excerpts:

I try not to be too hard on the original Proud Family from the early 2000s. It was one of the few and earliest Black cartoons that existed at the time. There weren't a ton of shows that featured a Black girl as a protagonist. So while it had issues of colorism and not sticking the landing with a lot of its executions, that doesn't invalidate the times it made genuinely positive moments and gave something of comfort and love for Black viewers, especially Black girls. I never got into it myself, but I recognize that it does hold a good place in the hearts of a lot of Black viewers.

Colorism is in a lot of Black media. Living Single, The Boondocks, Coming to America, My Wife and Kids, Black-Ish, literally anything coming from Chris Rock, you name it.

So in talking about the framing for Bebe's autism, we have to reckon with how the show utilizes colorism in how it frames what it deems the right or wrong opinions. It's arguably even done with Bebe himself and Cece. Oscar, Maya, and Dijonay are all frequently awful people throughout the show, but we shouldn't leave it at that. We should remember how the show uses that to direct the viewer on how they frame the conflicts.

So there are moments where Maya is an awful friend and one who needlessly condescends to the people around her, but it's important to think about the framing and not the depiction in how we're meant to think of her as a person in intentionally portraying her that way.

She contributes to another in the line of characters who ultimately stand for some kind of revolution, activism or change who are then revealed to be fake, elitist, and angry.

 Light-skinned women can be portrayed as awful but still will use dark-skinned women presented as "unladylike, often compare them to beasts, portray their fatness, their textured hair  as undesirable and gross in a white gaze. It's used to impart the idea that the traits I just listed are revolting and a reason to deride these characters.

This isn't really an episode about Bebe, and like many things autism related, we have to center everything entirely around the family members of the autistic person. Penny having all of the labor in childcare thrown onto her is obviously bad, but it takes a different context in how that's used alongside Bebe's autism diagnosis in how it's framed  around relieving Penny of a burden and how the narrative sets Penny up to be as sympathetic as possible in that regard. Penny's parentification is a major issue throughout the series, but it's also very intentional that one of the few times the show ever challenges the idea that it's okay is also in the episode where her brother is diagnosed with autism.

 Because they chose an infant to be the autistic character, Bebe isn't able to communicate his feelings or perspective to the audience. It allows everyone else, most notably Holly Peete's character to shape Bebe's narrative and center themselves in it.

The episode ends on a shot of the children all playing. As the door shuts, they're revealed to all be flying and have super powers, alluding to the phrase "autism is a superpower" which it is not. Autism is a disability, and it's okay to call it that. Disability is not a dirty word.

[smolbluebirb]

thinking thoughts about Billy and Max's relationship - specifically that Max needs as much of a sibling character growth arc as Billy does.

I've seen lots of fics examine the siblings' relationship and have Max's view on Billy suddenly shift once she finds out about Neil's abuse. Max develop a sudden well of empathy and understanding for Billy once she learns that his dad beats him. and honestly I enjoy that characterization and it's very much my cup of tea - but it's not what I expect from their canon portayals. I don't think Max would see the abuse in the same light as we do.

I've heard that Runaway Max makes it canon that Max knows - has literally watched - Neil beat Billy. and gone on the next day still hating him, and maybe even believing that Billy deserves it. that, horrifying as it is, seems a lot more realistic to me.

bear with me here: a story about me and my younger sibling to give perspective into my point about Billy and Max.

I've got a little brother. our family has lots of problems, but our relationship was never great as kids just cuz I didn't want anything to do with him. both of our parents are youngest siblings and I've been getting sat down for talks since I was a toddler about how he deserved a nice older sibling, and I ought to share all my toys with him and play with him whenever he wanted and be his best friend because that's all they ever wanted from their older siblings. and I resented that. I hated the unfairness of me being expected to cater to him because I was arbitrarily older.

so I wasn't particularly cruel, but I was certainly rude, and I did everything I could to make it clear that I didn't want anything to do with him. and he would go straight to our mom and say I was being mean - and I would get beaten, or lose meal privileges for a few days, or have everything taken out of my room and locked in there for a day or two.

I was in some kind of trouble all the way into middle school, and it made me really, really angry because I had never asked for a sibling. I wasn't mean, I didn't mess with his stuff, I didn't have problems with anyone else outside of the house. but because I was the older sibling, he got to hold all the cards and I could be nursing bruised ribs for weeks because he felt like telling our parents I refused to play lightsabers with him.

but as I headed into highschool he got a gang of friends and was happy to spend his time off with them, so he left me alone for the most part. I still wanted nothing to do with him but it was finally mutual, and I mostly got a break.

here is where it ties into Billy and Max.

when he was twelve, we started going to this little hick cowboy church. I had always been a people person and super popular with adults and peers alike, but I was also super into literature at that stage of life and developing some nasty mobility disabilities, and I started being bullied very badly by the people there for wanting to hang inside and read instead of playing football, volleyball, etc. outside with them. they were VERY hick, man. demonize higher education, a man is out in the field, a woman is in the kitchen, hick.

and that became a very, very regular occurrence.

and one day at home, he waltzed into my room and started telling me at length how I was worthless and no one liked me or wanted me around and I should do everyone a favor and just disappear.

people love my brother, man. they did then, they do now. he works full time with kids, mentoring them and shit. he's good at it. he's not necessarily nice, he's always had a caustic brand of humor, but it's the kind people find hilarious. hell I find it hilarious. it's a lot like Max's in the show.

and you know what? when our mom dragged us to a dinner together years later, as adults, and whined about why we weren't close, I brought up the period in our lives where I was extremely suicidal (I attempted multiple times around then and they are well aware) and all the remarks he'd make. I pointed out that he'd never given me any form of apology, nor had he ever made an effort to build a relationship with me, so I saw no reason to reach out to him.

and he looked me dead in the eye and said he wasn't sorry, and it was my fault if I'd been that bothered by what he said.

that kid was raised from infancy being told that he had every right to demand my time and attention and walk past my boundaries. that kid heard from his friends that it sucked he was stuck with a loser for an older sibling. that kid saw every beating I took and every suicide attempt I made and all the health complications I have from childhood malnutrition and mistreatment as my own fault for not being a better older sibling - because that's what everyone fucking told him his whole life.

so. Max Mayfield.

I wanted to share all this with ye peeps of Tumblr because it seems like a lot of people have genuinely never come across a situation like I grew up in. that it isn't a perspective that's easy for other people to slide into.

most of what we know about Billy comes from Max's perspective of Billy. and where does Max's perspective of Billy come from?

consider every time she hears Neil tell him to be responsible. that he's wasting his life going to parties. that his music is trash. to be a real man. to show some respect.

we know that there's nothing wrong with metal music and teenagers party and that Neil's version of respect and responsibility is toxic as hell - but Max doesn't necessarily. Max knows that her new older brother is rude and always getting in trouble. Max knows that her parents say he should be nice to her and spend time with her and give her things and he doesn't.

we learned about Billy's abuse and saw him in a new light because we know there is nothing that warrants a minor being beaten. and we know the psychological impact being raised like that can have. and we can imagine how Billy could be if he was given a safe, healthy environment instead of the horror of a homelife he has in the show.

but as a kid in that household in the 1980s, Max doesn't. Max hears from her dad that Billy deserves it and sees from her mom that it's fine and hears from her friends that Billy is the worst.

and I just don't see Max realizing that it's horrible that Neil beats Billy. I see her doing things that'll get him in trouble anyway and thinking that he's an asshole so he probably deserves it.

and after the nailbat to the nuts, I think Billy backing off and their relationship stabilizing has less to do with him being scared of Max and more to do with her finally being willing to keep up her end of the status quo of completely ignoring each other, now that she has friends to fill her time with.

and most importantly - I don't think this makes Max an awful person. I think she's a product of her environment and I think she's a kid so she has very little control over that environment.

I think we, the fandom, like to go with the easy answer that of course Max's view of Billy will change once she learns of Neil's abuse because we don't want to think of Max as being the little sibling who will tell you to kill yourself and stand by it years later. she can say "sometimes I wished he was dead" and that's okay because she regrets it now, but I'm suggesting that if Billy hadn't died, Max wouldn't have regretted it.

and I think Max both needs and deserves a character arc of recognizing that her parents were wrong and their treatment of Billy wasn't okay and that she was wrong and her treatment of Billy wasn't okay, either.

I'm not blaming Max. I don't blame my little brother. when you're a kid and you have fucked up parents, you end up where you end up. but then, you have the chance and the responsibility to learn better and do better. and we explore that with Billy all the time, but to get Max from Point A to Point B, she has to go through all that too.

Billy hurt Max, but Max hurt Billy too. they were both kids. they both have to learn better.

[featherwurm]

Because you're going to be stuck seeing dozens more sketches of her, here's my PC for BG3:

Zatavia “Tav” Felix, Zariel Teifling, Monk of the Open Hand, She/Her, 45

Tav talks about herself (at level 1 at the beginning of the game – spoken with strong ‘just some guy’ energy):

“My name is Tav. I am a wandering monk, seeking little more than knowledge and skill, making my way through the kindness and generosity of others. As a child, my anger, difficulty, and defiance lead to my entering of a monastic enclave in Baulder’s Gate. I flourished under routine and discipline, growing with my fellow acolytes, working, learning, and training. At twenty, I was deemed worthy enough to set out on my own path. I spent the next couple decades of my life traveling Faerûn, occasionally returning to Baulder’s Gate. I have found and lost love, luck, pain, and trial on the road, but as I am now, I walk by myself.”

Some more info and a full body ref below the cut:

favorite weapon: Hands but she carries the Gold Wyrmling staff to keep a firebolt cantrip on hand (particularly nice with her now-explosive blood)

style of combat: Off-tank utilizing ki resonating punch for crowd control and furry of blows/other disabling attacks for larger enemies

most prized possession: She isn’t material, and would walk away from physical things in a heartbeat but she does seem to keep her earrings on at most times though, some sentimentality there (a gift from an old friend)

deepest desire: A cold pint after a long day of hard work or travel, a bath, some banging sex, and a good nights rest before doing it all again

guilty pleasure: Fancy little cakes/sweets, the occasional cigarette (used to be something all the acolytes did – contraband at the monastery makes it interesting)

best-kept secret: Her full name (she is fine with her first name but thinks her last name is embarrassing – some forefather’s invention to try to make the lot of them ‘lucky’)

greatest strength: Bull-headed resolution and kindness

fatal flaw: Stubbornness and empathy (doesn't always listen well once she has an opinion)

favorite smell: Salt Spray, petrichor, campfire, pine, sandlewood

favorite spell or cantrip: Firebolt, Tasha’s hideous laughter

pet peeve: Too much background noise, multiple people trying to talk to her at the same time

bad habit: No eye-contact, not paying attention, picking violence first

hidden talent: Actually plays the lyre and sings fairly well if given the chance

leisure activity: Sleeping, fucking, exercise, meditation – not necessarily in that order

favorite drink: Dark beer, orange juice, black coffee

comfort food: Mushroom soup, lychees, rice pudding

favorite person: Karlach (in Tav’s mind this is in pink font with little hearts and glitter n shit – she’s smitten – it’s gross. She loves all her friends though very much.)

favored display of affection (platonic and/or romantic): Hugging, kissing, touching, hand-holding, tail-holding, overall despite the sort of stoic and serious bearing she’s terribly touchy and cuddly. Also a big gift-giver if she can manage it (she doesn't have much money and doesn't keep it when she does) – if she finds it it’s yours if you need it/want it.

fondest childhood memory: After a few months in the monastery getting used to the routine and work, waking up one nondescript day and just finding herself calm and ready to be awake and alive (she spent much of her childhood angry and frustrated, and at 12 after some discussion of secondary school, apprenticeship, or other options, she and her family agreed that monastic training would be the best thing for now – and it actually suited her very well.)

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Ayda Aguefort from Dimension 20: Fantasy High the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Ayda-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a picture of Ayda on the left. On the right are many MANY text boxes which read,

"It's canonical, but outside of the official stuff, she's struggled all of her life (lives) with not understanding subtext to the point where screwing it up is one of her greatest fears, she made her crush sign an NDA before admitting that she liked her, and she was so concerned about her paramour (she calls Fig her paramour) that she considered sending fantasy memos to every single plane of existance telling everyone to be nice to her or she'd kill them, and the she made good on that threat by drowning hell, which could just be normal but feels like an autistic swag moment."

"She’s canonically autistic. She runs a library on a pirate island, she’s a half phoenix pirate wizard, she has an entire section in her library dedicated to books on how to make friends, she loves her friends, she loves her girlfriend, she has no control over her tone of voice, she constantly sounds angry, her best friend made her a spell called “Ayda’s comprehend subtext” so that she wouldn’t feel left out of conversations, she tried to flood hell for her girlfriend, I relate to this woman on a personal, spiritual and emotional level."

"she's canon!!! they say she's autisticit in the show!!! she's super monotone and blunt (but SO kind), she can't understand subtext/is super literal, she's very transactional in how she thinks and behaves. later in the show, her best friend invents a spell to help her understand subtext! they MAKE HER A DISABILITY AID FOR HER AUTISM!!! she's so full of love, she's so smart, she's learning how to have friends for the first time, even though she experiences things differently than them. i love her."

"Ayda is canon autistic. She's a librarian on a pirate ship city. She's a lesbian phoenix. Her autism leads to humorous moments but she's never the butt of the joke. AND she has a super cool rockstar gf <3"

"she was incredibly autistic-coded right from the first introduction of her character, she has trouble understanding hidden meanings to statements and prefers to just bluntly say what she means, she has trouble expressing her feelings in a way that she wants to, she struggles with social situations, she dedicated an entire room of her library just to books about friendship because she really wants to have friends, and she's half phoenix and is reborn when she dies. also there was so much positive response to her and so many questions about her being autistic that brennan then went and did some research to better understand autism and made her explicitly autistic in cannon (like, says the word out loud in character, very direct). also she's gay and dating one of the player characters and they are incredible and fig loves her not just in spite of the things that ayda perceives as bad things about herself (related to autism making things like social stuff hard for her) but for them, because they are part of her and she loves all of her just for being her. also i love her so much and her character arc is so important to me of accepting that there isn't anything wrong with her, she's just different because she's autistic but that's not a bad thing and she can find friends (and a girlfriend!) that love her for exactly who she is."

"She's canonically autistic! she generally misunderstands social cues (always admits it and asks for them to be explained to her which is iconic behaviour, I wish I could shoot that straight lol), often speaks in a monotone and uses minimal facial expressions, is a librarian (autistic ass career), hasn't had any luck friends prior to the story (but now her gf and bff are super supportive and great!) and is a Huge Nerd (very intelligent)"

"She canonically has autism! She's a wizard whose special interest is spells and the history of magic and she lives in a library that she runs by herself. Despite the DM Brennan not having autism (to my knowledge at least idk) he does a really good job playing her without dehumanizing her and she's a beloved NPC by the cast and fans alike. Also she has a girlfriend :)"

"Canonically autistic!! She is very blunt and transactional with others, even close loved ones, takes things very literally, and is normally extremely stoic and intense as her resting emotion (but gets very excited about magic + her new friends!). None of her autistic traits are ever seen as negative, and she is celebrated by all her friends for being the way she is! She wasn't specifically written to be autistc, but as the show was coming out many fans were asking if she was, and since this season came out live over the course of months, the DM added a whole section about her realizing she's autistic + her loved ones supporting her and helping her find ways to express herself and exist comfortably. There's also just something very autistic about wizards idk."

"Canon autistic black lesbian teenage pirate librarian. Look at those words and tell me what’s not to love. Has a cool devil girlfriend. Makes her sign a contract after they kiss. Best friends with anxiety wizard. Incepted “fascinating” into my vocabulary. I love her."

"She canonically autistic!!!!!! She was confirmed in the last episode of the show she’s in but leading up to that she’s shown to misunderstand social cues and have formal ways of speaking and special interests in wizardry. She’s very self conscious about this and struggles with it throughout the show and the thing that’s so important about her to me is that so many people love her. So many people see her how she is and they think it’s wonderful and perfect. Ayda gets to have a cute teen romance with her cool girlfriend just like anyone else. I adore her. She’s a phoenix, she’s a lesbian, and she’s autistic, perfect woman."

"Ayda is a black lesbian, clearly shown to be deeply emotional and caring despite her flat affect, hyper-aware and anxious of her social awkwardness (rather than being comically oblivious), never infantilized, capable of having strong friendships and relationships, who is also confirmed autistic in canon without it being an offhand joke. She is also a half-phoenix divination wizard and the librarian of the Compass Points Library which is located in Leviathan (a vast pirate city made up of thousands of shipwrecks all connected together to create a floating island). In the epilogue of the final episode of Dimension 20: Fantasy High Sophomore Year, Brennan (the DM) narrates that Ayda is diagnosed with autism by the school’s therapist/counselor. Finding language for her experiences clearly brings her great relief, as she seems to finally have context for her place in the world. In the first episode of Adventuring Party, Dimension 20’s talkback show, Brennan stated that he “wanted to model her after the Sherlock archetype,” of a person who is “brilliant and goodhearted… but not necessarily existing on that social level,” through a lens that audiences never get to see: a Black lesbian. She was not intended to be autistic initially, but soon after her creation, he realized—through the audience questioning if Ayda was autistic—that she was modeled after his friends with ASD who are also “very academic and intense in that way,” and decided to do research to make her representation more accurate and nuanced. She has an entire section of her library dedicated to friendship. The books in it have advice like "give your friends oranges so they don't get scurvy" because it was written by pirates. Because she thinks naming spells after yourself is arrogant but having a spell named after you is awesome she invented a spell as a gift for her friend. It's called Adaine's Furious Fist and lets you channel rage and arcane power into a supercharged punch that you could hypothetically use to absolutely wreck your abusive father. And in return Adaine invents Ayda's Comprehend Subtext, which aids the caster in understanding implied but not stated communication. All of this: Link!"

Continued,

"confirmed as autistic in canon! she has a very monotone yet intense way of speaking. she feels emotion quite strongly but usually has a neutral expression. she'll frequently ask for clarifications about what is normal or expected in a given social situation (which surrounding characters always answer without judgement or teasing). she's stated that she knows she thinks and experiences the world differently than most people, but doesn't understand why this is until the end of the series when she's able to learn about other people like her"

"canonically autistic!! speaks bluntly and plainly and often asks for subtext explanations. rejection sensitivity is a theme that is explored for here and it is very important to me :) also in a beautiful adhd/autie relationship!! she is one of my fav blorbos and I get emotional thinking abt her"

"It’s canon!!! In the finale she’s holding books on autism and crying saying “this is normal” and her best friend makes her a wizard spell called “ayda’s comprehend subtext” to help her out. It’s adorable and I love Ayda sm. shes a half-phoenix who cries fire and she loves her girlfriend so much they’re adorable❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥" End ID.]

[kaseyskat]

hi hello so the oak family makes me soooo fucking emo and i thought a bit too hard about lark and henry's relationship this week and this is what came out? it's also my first time really trying to tackle lark's pov so be kind to me sdhfkhdsf

~~

The nighttime has always been Lark’s favorite. 

In the Before, this was mostly because he and Sparrow used to sneak out of their rooms and down to the home computer. Sparrow would disable the parental controls, because he’s smart like that, and Lark would pull up the wikipedia pages of movies, and they would sit together, sharing one chair like they share everything else, consuming to their heart’s desire. 

Sleep, or the lack thereof, used to come so easily to them, Before. 

Lark only frowns in the memory of his own immaturity, now. 

Now, the night is a quiet peace, a moment of respite– and besides, when his dreams are drenched in black miasma and static, he much prefers when his brother is sleeping in bed and his parents are locked in their bedroom and Lark can be alone. 

Except for tonight, as he creeps into the kitchen only to find the light on, the sound of familiar humming brightening the space. 

There was a time when that humming was a comfort to Lark, in the Before. He remembers being small – smaller, anyways – and wanting to stay awake, stay awake! but being trapped in the arms of his parents, swaddled in blankets. He remembers a day where he had been sick with the flu, and his father had held him and sang to him while he cried and squirmed, the same song that he is humming now in the kitchen as he works. 

This Henry, Lark notes, is nothing like the apologetic but firm father that he’s been angry with for what has felt like his entire life. His father’s hair is tousled, his glasses hanging crooked, and he’s kneading dough as he hums to himself. 

Awkward. Lark swallows, and he steps into the light, teeth gritted. The fury that writhes under his skin starts to boil over once more, because the night was his time, of course his father would steal this from him too, he always ruins everything– 

“-oh hello, Lark,” said father interrupts Lark’s thoughts, and when Lark focuses back on him, he has a tired smile on his face, one that looks just a bit less strained than the fake plastered smiles he usually holds on their missions. “Did you need something? Don’t let me stop you.” 

I do need something, Lark wants to say, I need you to Leave. But he doesn’t say this out loud; he and Sparrow have been talking, and he has seen the wear of the fight between himself and their father on his brother, and enough time has passed since he was the afraid little kid who released the Doodler of his own volition that the anger that sits there in his head has simmered down to a slowly cooking roast instead of the boiled over mess of a person he had been. 

So he swallows his anger and forces it into his stomach and he steps into the light of the kitchen, his nose wrinkling. “What… are you doing?” 

It should sicken him, the way Henry’s eyes light up at the question– this, too, is familiar, the enthusiasm that his father holds for even the smallest joy of describing his hobbies to his sons. But it doesn’t, and the lack of the emotion has Lark’s stomach curling, his head pounding in tune. 

“Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I like to bake,” his father explains, and he gestures at the dough. “My mom taught me; she thought it would help me to have an outlet, a way to feel my emotions. It’s very soothing, and yet you have to be so precise with the measurements that it requires–” 

“-forget I said a word,” Lark interrupts, rubbing his fingers against his temple with a groan. “I had forgotten your conversation skills are sorely lacking. Just… I just need some water.” 

His father’s smile does not waver, and he inclines his head at the fridge as he continues to knead. 

The smell of baking bread wafts through the kitchen as he treks across it, and his stomach, unwittingly, growls– and his father is still humming that song, the one from his childhood, and it melds with the bread, and the anger that simmers in his stomach feels a little less abrasive, and maybe it’s the vulnerability of the night or the pain radiating from his head but for once, Lark doesn’t want to fight. 

He’s tired. 

“Is the bread recipe one given to you by Grandmother as well?” he voices, tentatively. “It smells more appealing than anything you or Mother have ever deigned to serve to us in the past.” 

“My cooking is usually pretty bad, isn’t it?” his father admits, and he laughs. “Do… would you like to learn?” 

No. 

“If you are suggesting, Father, that I would like to spend my perfectly fine night with you in the kitchen learning how to bake bread, which I will never use…” Lark trails off as he turns back around, water bottle in hand. 

Henry is looking at him with something that Lark almost recognizes – is it pride? – as he holds up a piece of dough. With dried fruit and nuts, it has turned into a crude replica of his own face, right down to the sad little smile and the droopy eyes. “You can punch it,” he says, waving the little dough-face around childishly. 

For all that his father knows nothing about him and never will, he does know how to entice him to a task he previously had no intentions on completing. Lark groans, and he marches right over to where his father is standing, snatching the doughy face out of his hands. 

“I do not understand how you plan on teaching me when the dough is already made,” he snorts with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t think you thought this through very well, per the usual.” 

“I really just needed the help kneading,” Henry confesses, though Lark suspects his father is, once again, telling him a partial truth. “My hands are not as strong as they used to be, but yours are only getting stronger.” 

Lark remembers the last time he had thrown a punch at his father in anger, and the way he had been bruised for weeks, the marks dark and irritated. It had satisfied the chaos inside of him in a way he hadn’t been able to voice, the physical proof of his emotions, his rage. And still, Henry had not scolded him, had not raised his voice; he had taken it, like he had given up on trying. 

Lark does not want his father to keep trying, but somehow the idea of his father giving up on him feels worse. 

“I will take over then,” he says, evenly, and he steps to the pan Henry had been working with, cracking his knuckles. The dough is littered with nuts and fruits, and with some already in the oven, truly he does not quite understand why his father insists on making more… but he’s already here, isn’t he? 

He curls his hands into the dough, and he kneads. 

It… is soothing, in a way he hadn’t been expecting. Kneading dough is just punching it and punching it and watching the way the flour and yeast mixture yields to him has Lark feeling like he is younger, punching trees and stripping off the bark just to feel powerful. 

And Henry watches him, that smile still curling at his lips, fondness in his eyes. 

“I have the recipe written down,” he finally says, breaking the silence just as Lark steps back from the dough. It’s smooth, not sticky anymore, and even Lark in his inexperience can tell that it is finished. “If… you are willing, I really can teach you sometime.” 

“I have no use for bread,” Lark immediately bites, but as he washes his hands and watches the way Henry folds the dough and preps it for baking, he thinks he understands the appeal. His grandmother had called it an outlet for a reason, and while Lark is hesitant to admit it… 

…maybe, just maybe, he does need this. 

“Besides, who knows where we will be next week,” he continues, gesturing to the windows that show a darkened sky– not from the moon, but from the Doodler, which Lark has sworn he’d kill. “But… I will allow you to show me the recipe. Perhaps Sparrow would like to learn in my stead.” 

It is, he thinks, about as good as he can offer. 

“Perhaps he would,” Henry agrees, and he yawns. “Well, thank you– for thinking of Sparrow. I hope you sleep well.” 

I won’t, Lark thinks, but he bites the comment back and scatters quickly, before he can be drawn into anything else against his will. This… was stupid, it’s all so stupid, and he wants to bash his head into a wall, or scream into his pillow, or… or learn his father’s stupid bread recipe because he, too, is just tired. 

And it isn’t much, but it’s a start, isn’t it? 

[agentem]

I had a pretty strong reaction to this week’s “The Last of Us.” Like I still am having trouble posting about it.

I am chronically ill with autoimmune diseases. And it made me think about how reading “The Zombie Survial Guide” in my college days was probably a waste of time.

After spending too much time thinking about it, I decided the only person who could protect me in an apocalypse scenario would be my mom. She is farsighted and doesn’t read well but she is very proud of the fact that she still has “sniper vision” for distance. She’s told me several times her doctor described it that way. She doesn’t have a “real” gun anymore (there are grandkids running around) but she does have a BB gun that she uses to “scare” squirrels in our backyard which I try to remind her is definitely against the law. But I think she’s trying to keep her sniper vision honed. She also grew up on a farm with cows and chickens, growing corn, tomatoes and pumpkins. Since she moved to get married I think her garden, which is more flowers now than on the farm, is her favorite thing in the world—possibly before me and my sisters when we are pissing her off. That’s why she needs to “scare” the squirrels. They eat her seeds and bulbs.

So Bill and Frank, aside from being an adorable queer couple they also sort of fit into “my own” apocalypse story. I wanted to know a lot more details about what Frank did. How did they find out he had Parkinson’s? I guess he must have had tremors. Did they just have Joel and Tess steal some old medicine?

What if you had a disease like mine that takes several blood tests and an MRI to diagnose? Do you take random pills for the disease you THINK you have?

I also had melanoma. And my mom had breast cancer. What do you do if that happens? Try to cut it out crudely yourself and hope it hadn’t spread? Like there are meds that you could find in any drugstore. With enough people dead, you could definitely find obscure ones easier than pain killers which people might loot. But chemo drugs? You’d have to go to a hospital or clinic and I think hospitals would be bad places to go if it’s a VIRUS or infection causing the apocalypse. Clinics might have better stuff but do they just leave chemo bags lying around? I can’t imagine they have a long shelf life.

Anyway I want a whole show about the Parkinson’s and I was kind of angry when we went back to Joel and Ellie. The end of Bill and Frank’s story is sweet the way they changed it. But only because they got to live a full life together that we only see snippets of. I don’t want disabled people to IMMMEDIATELY off themselves in an apocalypse (and I wanted something about how it had gotten worse and he couldn’t enjoy his life anymore).

I liked it. I thought both actors were very good. It just also stirred up a lot of feelings I have about people considering disabled people, like, not worthy of their own story. They are just there to set up Joel’s arc with Ellie.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Replying to this in a new post because this AU post is already super long:

Yeah I was thinking that! Maybe the word you're after is 'metaphor'? Not sure but I do get you!

Roxy being stuck in a school that expects a bare minimum that she physically can't reach is absolutely a kind of 'disability in a school setting' situation.

What I was thinking for the world was that magic and non-magic IS a fully integrated and combined thing, but some schools are primarily for magic while others are primarily for non-magic. Roxy in this case, lives in an area where magic is the norm. The only schools nearby are magic based and this one in particular was the only one that would accept her as a non-magic user.

This situation gives her a hell of a lot of resentment because she's now on a purely magic based education path, when she absolutely shouldn't be, and making the switch to a non-magic path is going to be a lot harder the longer she's at the school. If she's ever going to be able to be in a non-magic school, she's going to have to work so much harder to catch up on everything she's missed, like if you change your study course halfway through the school year. Or like in my English Lit class that was the only one in the school studying war poems and Macbeth, so anyone that got moved to that class had to learn it very quick (though our teacher was decent and put time aside to help them continue studying the Romeo and Juliet stuff instead) and all those that were moved out of the class had to drop Macbeth and learn Romeo and Juliet. They also had no choice, your clas was decided on your ability so uh yeah that was poorly thought out.

It's like that for Roxy now, except on a larger scale and she's unable to switch paths unless they move house to somewhere that has the proper school for it. And she's rightfully angry about the fact she's being held to a standard she can't meet. She gets minimal support for this problem, despite the school boasting about its support programs, and is largely left to slip through the cracks.

She has to navigate a world designed for her to fail and she doesn't know how to do that. She tries finding ways to give herself the same abilities as everyone else, like trying to cure the problem but she can't. It's just not possible. She doesn't want exceptions being made because they single her out further. Extra time and someone there to explain things to her does not make a practical exam for casting spells any easier. It feels condescending, like they've decided because she doesn't have magic, she must be stupid or that she's just not trying hard enough.

Roxy's got her anger issues too and it's no wonder. She can come up with solutions, and work arounds, but she's still considered incorrect. She's not given time or opportunity to come up with solutions either, and is just expected to solve the problems over night. She can push for non-magical sports clubs so she has a chance to excel at something but magic is more important than her. She's the only one that can't use magic after all, so they have to prioritise the needs of the many over the needs of the few, right? Look, she may not have magic, but if everyone else can manage, then so can she! Simple as! I mean, that famous person without magic did it, so why can't she?

And then I thought, this would exclude other people too. It never just effects one person, even if that's the intention. What about the ones that struggle with magic? The ones that are slow at understanding it? The ones that find it exhausting but still have to rely on it? The ones that are being locked out of the things they want to do, just because they have magic and that's a non-magic interest? The ones that could be great at one type of magic, but struggle in another and are thus, penalised for it? Fuck it, what about those with non-magic issues that can't be solved with the one size fits all magic/non-magic solutions? What about the people that just plain suck at magic stuff or don't want to pursue it? What about the attitude that whatever you're doing would be easier with magic, so why don't you just use magic? Why would you want to do it any other way? Why would you question something that is clearly, objectively, the correct way to do it? Everyone struggles from time to time you'll get there!

What about all these other people that slip through the cracks? Roxy thought she was the only one labelled as a failure and being dropped by the system, but through her efforts, she can find that she's not the only one. There's plenty of other kids that are also struggling with this system, she's not as alone as she thought she was. She may try and push it all away because struggling to do something is not the same as being completely unable to even try and do something, but ultimately, they're in the same system designed for them to be miserable.

Maybe they have workarounds that she hasn't thought of yet? Maybe her own workarounds give them ideas on how to do it too? Learning through eachother that it's okay to not be the perfect student and that the system doesn't define you, and maybe that if they cause enough of a ruckus, they can change it just a little bit in their favour? Or maybe it's a case of Roxy's efforts to change what she is, and then her efforts to make a space for her to fit in that draws the others to her? Maybe it's a case of her not realising that she's somehow managed to surround herself with people that are also being destroyed by the powers that be? The realisation could hit and she could get a whole new flavour of anger on their behalf but also feel so fucking relieved that she's not on her own here...

And maybe the others don't realise it either? Maybe a few of them keep comparing themselves to Roxy and feeling like they don't have it that bad so they're clearly just not trying hard enough? Maybe they think Roxy is just a trouble maker and doesn't care until they discover that, no, she's been tearing herself apart to try and cure the incurable because to her, that was her only option? They see parts of their struggles in Roxy and they want to talk about them too but don't know how, since clearly they have nothing in common... The similar stuff must just be overlap or something with the normal, everyday experience, right?

I don't know how they could decide to try and do something about the situation. Maybe Roxy finally cracks and starts talking to her parents or a guest speaker comes in and talks about how to make changes in the world? Maybe her latest attempt to give herself magic goes horribly wrong and she's left screaming in desperation until someone finally listens? All those people she didn't realise were friends running in to help her when it all starts crushing her like a bug under a boot?

I dunno. There's some good story to be had here though for sure

[satancopilotsmytardis]

WHAT JS THIS HAAAAA YOU CANT LEAVE US ON A CLIFFHANGER LIKE THIS TANCOOOOO THIS JS CRIMINAL!!!! I want to know I want the knowledge what is happening,,, they've been lied too!! Treason! Treason to the peoples!!!

Also since I know afo has always been the *real* bad guy in your story I can't wait to see what happens with him!!! Are you gonna make him a grey character (I have bad vibe from him, I'm watching him 👁️👁️) or Is Tomura going to have an existential crisis when he realized that his father ain't that great???? Hooooo so much question!!! I'm excited hihiiiii (like ik afo is a manipulative pos but is he a grey manipulative pos or is he just an evil asshole y'know?)

I really hope we see more of natsuo and shoto! I wanna see dabi reconcile with his lil baby bro :D

And Eriiiiii noooo whyyyyy baby your gonna be taken care of now papa Tomura is there for you!

I love how everyone interact together! They're such a loving family I can't!!! Toga is so cute and jin giving his leg for her that is so fucking wholesome!! Love my little psycho fr! And spinner is so cool!! Him being best friend with Tomura really shows in this! He doesn't take tomuras bullshit haha XD they're such besties my heart can't take it ᡣ𐭩 Sako is gold and the way you transformed his power is so cool too! I'd imagine it's not super practical to have a million thick stone tablet or smth instead of thin paper XD also magne omg she don't just have big sis energy she IS big sis!! How she comforted dabi and was like here take my snot XDD amazing!

Ho and the way you describe the environment!! I feel like this is the first fic (I only read all your bnha fic so I'm just talking about them) where you really went into it in the world building since we're not in the bnha world and omg this is so good! I could see everything and it was very pretty haha! You make me want to break out my drawing stylus but shipwreck are Nott he easiest to draw, would you belive it (╥﹏╥)

Chisaki sure got what was coming to him eh? Each time you described him with his smug face I was so angry omg but I'm so happy he was a good fight for Tomura tho would have been sad if he was just obliterated and that was it! Happy he's gone tho (really hope he is) and that Eri is safe! :)

Also the way you described that siren that passed the test (fucking epic, no idea what was happening but I'm loving it, singing while stabby stab? Perfect) made me think of midoriya fr but then I thought wasn't he with shoto in hollow barrier? I'm not sure anymore, do you have plans of what to do with midoriya? 👀

Them eating chocolates is gold! Did I say I love toga? Cause I love toga!

Dabi discovering how things are in graveforge is so cool yet saddening man his life really fucking sucked before (I feel like it's about to suck even more but at least it's not a boring type of suck y'know? XD)

Just leaving that there but dabi throwing up his stomach his a mood fr

I'm disabled personally and I really like how you tackled disability and ableism so far. Dabi compensating with his leg is really cool and the fact that he has to hide it or he'll be judge by his hollow barrier pair I'd verry nice (plot storywise I mean XD) as a disabled person I do feel like a fucking burden everywhere I go and with how dabi was 'sheltered' (if you can say that) he would be very easily manipulated by afo telling him he needs to contribute to the reef and all that. Kind of in contradiction of what Tomura said about no one being broken hmmmmm 👀 (watching you afo 👁️👁️) while I agree that doing nothing all day and being a trophy husband/mate can be boring, dabi just got here, is still learning the language and he's disabled! Like give him a break afo! Dabi can find his own calling without being pushed pass his limit to 'prove himself' 🙄 (sorry that one was personal 😅)

Also omg poor toga I CANNOT believe shig told her everything he wanted to say to dabi this one must have been hell! Pfffff the little awkwardness when dabi and her hugged after sksksksk

It's dabi who healed Tomura!! Im sure!! He ate flesh and boom! Magic power!! How tho, not sure XD can't wait to see what you do with his magic cause he can't really throw fire underwater now can he? Imagine he goes on land one day and just, burn the island sksksk 'oops' ˚▱˚

Also illegal that you made afo walk in on them sksksksksks horrible! But you write so wonderfully! Sometimes I read a synopsis of a story and I'm like 'no, I know I won't like this, too much second hand embarrassment' but it never happens with how you write! There were some story idea of yours that I wasn't sure I would like but everytime you blew me away! You have such a way of writing that it makes everything believeble and the story always flow so wonderfully! Also can't believe that cannibalism followed by sex was there and it was hot goodamit! Shouldn't be surprised tho, like I said you write everything so well (lost faith in myself after that zombie dabi piece you wrote. After that I was like okay keept it going ig no more fuck need to be given at this point XD)

No wait- what happening to Tomura?? What wrong tell me whATS WRONG YOU CAN NJST DO THAAAAT ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽

Gosh sorry this is all out of order but that's how my brain is and excitement doesn't help (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;) also sorry for the mistakes English ain't my first language and you can sprinkle a bit of dyslexia on top of that smh

Jail to endeavor for lying and eating his people while starving everyone else and jail to you for this horrible cliffhanger <3

Okay I'm going to sleep now. If I dream about gay fish it's on you

I'm cackling, thank you so much! This chapter was a huge one and I'm so glad that so many of the different elements stuck out to you! I can't say much about what's happening moving forward but I can say that the new siren is absolutely not Midoriya! And the beauty of writing a whole AU means that I can ignore the original main character lol, so he will likely barely be mentioned going forward

I can't wait to start unraveling all of the things to come and I hope you continue to enjoy the ride!

[kendrixtermina]

Another Thing Chibnall can't do right: Audience Surrogates

I'm going to start this last rant with one illustrative question: Why isn't Ryan Sinclair popular?

He is consistently considered the blandest out of a cast of terribly bland, flavorless characters, but why?

Cause let's look at a purely 'theoretical' description of his character: He's a warehouse worker who experienced dicrimination & frustrating shit because of his disability & racism, he has a messy complicated family situation that he's salty about, he likes videogames, experimental music and making youtube videos.

On paper, he sounds like Mr. Relatable Millenial. Why didn't ppl eat his character up? Cause it's not like there isn't an appetite for it, ppl had been clamoring for black main characters, disabled peeps, more working class protags, what have you. There's demand.

Now I generally consider 'Relatable' a a false god & I'm the first to get angry when someone argues all characters need to be 'relatable everymen'. RTD loved that trope a lot & then ppl got mad when Moffat wasn't RTD and loudly proclaimed that no real person would relate to Moffat's characters (I guess I don't exist then...), it always pisses me off when ppl claim their experiences are universal or that they will only care about characters who are similar to them as if experiencing the PoVs of other wasn't the point of storytelling.

So the issue is NOT that I think all characters need to be Relatable Everymen. The issue is that Chibnall tried to write one & failed spectacularly.

I wanna argue that the reason for this is that he doesn't know who the audience is, and that he treats the supposed audience with mockery & condescension.... though really, most of all, he's simply out of touch with it. To make an audience surrogate type character & have it land, you need to correctly understand the audience.

Notice what tone is present when something from pop culture is referenced - for example, when Tzim Sha's victim is listening to affirmations on his headphones, its looking to be mocking ppl who do that.

Ryan shows more emotion about things being deleted from his phone than his life being threatened, landing on an alien planet or finding a desolate future earth. "Haha millenials obsessed with phones!" ...who is that joke FOR? What feelings is it likely to evoke towards Ryan?

'Climate Change Bad' is treated like it would be a totally new idea to Yaz & Ryan, who are supposed to be part of a generation that grew up with climate anxiety all their lives as a reason to be cynical

The Doctor needs to lecture them about who Nicola Tesla is, they're treated as having no clue... even though there's, like, a car brand named for him & loads of tumblr posts.

Likewise, Ryan needs to be lectured by everyone about who Rosa Parks was

etc. etc.

The same refrain all over again: Young people are dumb, young people are silly, we wrote these characters as dumb & silly because that's what we think YOU GUYS are like.

Does anybody LIKE being called dumb & silly? Are people likely to like the character used to represent their dumbness & sillyness?

I get the need to maybe exposition things for young viewers, but that can probably be contrived in some way without making the characters you're supposed to like seem dumb. With the Nikola Tesla thing, for example, how about having Graham have no idea who he is? I don't mean make him ignorant, but genuinely interested to learn.

By contrast, let's look at some other 'relatable youngster' characters & how they're treated:

Rose Tyler very much evokes a typical mid 2000s mainstream pop culture, with her bleach blonde hair & bleached flared jeans etc. You can easily imagine that she probably dyed her hair to copy Britney spears, Kylie Minogue or Christina Aguilera, like a lot of girls back then. She effectively winds up in one of the fantasy romance stories that were popular back then. She gets what's kind of a wish fulfillment story of finding out she has the potential to be badass & make a difference after being treated as a fuckup.

Courtney Woods is a rebellious teen considered difficult by her parents/teachers & labelled a 'disruptive influence'. When she introduces herself as such, the Doctor instantly likes her & respects her rebel cred. She is treated as having great intuition & being unintimidated by effective authority figures such as Clara... and that's cool & an opportunity for Clara to learn. Likewise, when he off-handedly says something that hurts her feelings, it is not played as an an 'oversensitive teen' joke but rather Clara makes the Doctor apologize & make it up to her. We are also told that despite struggling with a rigid environment at school, she becomes succesful later in life because of that same strong personality.

Rose Noble is sort of the typical image of gen Y, complete with colorful hair & pronouns. She is really into arts & crafts, makes those 'creepy cute' plushies that she sells online, but in her IRL surroundings she experiences bullying. You can easily imagine her having an AO3 or a crafts-themed tiktok. She is in one of those 'found family wholesome hurt/comfort' stories that are popular nowadays & has the protective mom many teens wish they had.

To summarize:

Their experiences are validated & affirmed, not mocked

pop culture references are used to characterize them & connect them to the audience

From the framing it's clear that we're supposed to like these characters and that they're awesome. That doesn't mean that they don't have flaws or insecurities (indeed those are a big part of what make them relatable) but they're the kind of insecurities someone in their life situation would have. (Rose T. is a tad jealous cause she worries about her love interest finding someone more impressive, Courtney doesn't show insecurity but responds by acting out, but has a thing about being unimportant/not special, Rose N. feels alienated from her peers & out of place)

the stories they get cater to wish fullfillment, which is possible due to knowledge of what these groups of people like

It would have taken a half hour google search for Chibnall to find out what the wishes & dreams of someone like Ryan would look like. IDK, find some blog posts by warehouse workers, ppl with dyspraxia, millenials etc.

One thing that's been pointed out for example is that we never really see WHY Ryan wants to learn to ride a bike. If it's just to please his parental figures, wouldn't a better arc be that they realize he doesn't need to be able to do that just to prove he can and appear "normal", rather than 'look he concentrated & climbed a ladder after all!' Like many actual disabled ppl say they're annoyed about 'shaking off the disability' type stories.

Or, he could relate to getting the chance to adventure as an escape from his lowkey dystopian frustrating life where he deals with many unfair things, or latch onto the Doctor as a mentor after losing his parental figures, or maybe worry that someone who struggles with some physical activities isn't a fit for adventuring but then realize that he can contribute in other ways like asking good questions & thinking. (especially when Yaz is a better fit for the action scenes as someone who presumably had police training)

You could have an interesting unique team dynamic this way:

Yaz could be the competent, badass one, but believing in order & authority tends to just follow/ hero worship the doctor eventually leading into the bit where she develops a crush on her, Graham is the caution/common sense similar to Rory or Donna, maybe looking to protect the younger protags but also gradually having his horizons broadened, and Ryan could get to be the heart & emotional core of the group & the one who questions the Doctor more due to being more jaded from his shitty life while also wanting to escape from it...

Like. If you gave the same list of character traits to a more competent writer, you could've ended up with such complex, dynamic & interesting characters that ppl would have been all over.

[timeoverload]

I had to leave work around 10:30 this morning. I tried so hard to keep moving but I couldn't do it. I can't stand for very long and it's hard to keep my balance. Last night my sock was blood stained when I took my shoes off even though I don't have any visible wounds so I'm not sure where that's coming from. It happened again today even though I wasn't on my feet as long. My leg won't stop vibrating. I felt so guilty leaving. The pressure on my bladder is worse today and I had to keep rushing to the bathroom. Sorry for sharing that information but it's really uncomfortable. I know I don't have a UTI because I took a test when I got home.

I am going to the spine specialist in the morning and I'm going to try to get in for an injection on Friday. I don't know how the hell I'm going to pay for it. They won't schedule me any more appointments if any of my bills go to collections so I need to get on top of it right away. I don't want to get my injection alone!!! I want someone there to take care of me!! :'( I hope I don't get a spinal headache this time.

I knew something bad was going to happen. I'm so tired of going through this alone. My dad is the only person that has actually been there to help me. I wish I didn't have to ask him to help me all the time. He already has so many other things to worry about. I haven't been able to drive anywhere for weeks due to the snow either. I have a lot of errands to run but I don't expect him to drive me everywhere.

I'm also feeling pissed off at the world because I have to go through all of this without anything to relieve my pain or stop my muscle spasms. I am so uncomfortable!! I wish I lived in Colorado or something... I want to run away sometimes but I know I couldn't do it financially. It's not fair!!! I don't really drink anymore either and it's been over a month since I had a beer. I can't remember the last time I got drunk.

I feel like I will be trapped in this prison (my bedroom) forever. I feel like a feral animal locked in a cage. My mess keeps growing and maybe if I'm lucky it will eventually just suffocate me while I'm sleeping. How the fuck am I supposed to clean when I'm like this?? I have to keep ordering more clothes and I have probably spent thousands of dollars over the past year. I lost track. I don't want to keep doing that and I could have used that money to pay off a lot of my debt. I don't have a choice because I'm not going to wear dirty clothes. I haven't felt good enough to put the new mattress pad on my bed that I bought like 6 months ago and I couldn't get the old one off so I just ripped it in half so I have a space to sit. I don't have sheets on my bed and I just have to lay on blankets. There is so much stuff on my bed that I can't use the other side. How am I supposed to do anything?? I am pathetic. I don't think anyone realizes how bad it is or takes me seriously. I wish someone would put me out of my misery sometimes. I am not going to hurt myself but existing is pretty terrible right now.

I don't think I would be so nasty and angry if I wasn't in so much pain constantly. I don't think people understand that. I'm generally the sweetest person and I try to be kind to everyone but I know I haven't acted that way lately. I feel like I have been very mean and I'm getting worse so I'm sorry for that. No one knows what it's like until it happens to them. Literally anyone can become disabled at any time so don't take anything for granted.

I remember years ago I had a co-worker who had been working in sterile processing for 15 years and she was such a bitch to me all the time and was hard to be around. I was afraid of her. I understand now why she was like that... she was in a lot of pain too. I definitely have a lot more empathy for her now. I hope she is doing better now wherever she is. I've also taken care of a lot of sick people and I know that pain can bring out the worst in someone. People tend to lash out more often when they are desperate for relief because they get ignored otherwise.

My head is killing me because I am dehydrated since I keep having to go to the bathroom almost every hour. It's making me dizzy. I'm glad I don't have to go to work tomorrow because I would probably cry. I managed to take a shower when I got home but it didn't really help me feel better. I think I am going to sleep the rest of the day. I had breakfast but I don't feel like eating anything else today and I don't care about food now. I hate eating. I don't want to be awake anymore because it's depressing and I have no desire to do anything. I'm sorry for being such a downer but this is just how my life is and I don't think it's going to change any time soon.

Hopefully everyone else is having a much better day than I am... thank you for listening to me vent. 💖💖💖

[septembersghost]

people acting like Riley actively hates/is ashamed of her family and took DJ to intentionally criticize them (you know what I mean. also making fun of addiction) and rooting for her to get the estate because hopefully she'll demolish Graceland have got to be the most miserable people on the internet

there's...a lot to unpack here and it makes me hurt/angry (not at you anon!), so let's see if i can even begin to respond to this coherently.

if anyone seriously thinks that this woman was brought up despising and ashamed of elvis and her family, there is something very very wrong with them, and they are willfully choosing to disrespect her and dismiss her as a person. this isn't only disturbed and upsetting in regards to her grandparents, but also her mother whom she and her grandmother and the rest of their loved ones are still grieving. (unfortunately i did see a couple of the addiction jokes...sometimes people online have no empathy whatsoever, and the illness that is addiction is SO mistreated/derided, it's horrific. do they think that's somehow a tribute to riley to weaponize a role she's playing against her grandfather, while simultaneously dismissing that it also affected her mother and her brother? what kind of inhumane outlook incites this? i just said this to a friend recently, but the fact that addiction is somehow tied to moralistic ideals and used to tear people down and shame them does nothing but cause further harm, and is an insidious and awful form of ableism. i know firsthand how badly our society treats illness/disability in and of itself - physical illness, chronic illness, mental illness, and that extends very much to addiction and the cruelty and blame that often accompanies it). i know there have been comments about her looks too (disguised as compliments, but ultimately belittling), which is just...despicable idek. the people who say things like that are so mired in their own cruelty and getting some power trip off of it that they lose touch with human emotion.

they also fall into the category of "they don't know what the fuck they're talking about and haven't bothered to learn anything real ever" that i mentioned before. 🙃

it is very strange growing up knowing about someone you never got the chance to know directly. i say this on the teeny tiny scale of not meeting one of my grandfathers because he passed before my parents even met. i've never even seen video or anything of him, just some still pictures and old stories, so there's a sense of sorrow there that is a missing connection rather than a tangible one (like i have with my other grandfather, whom i was blessed to know well). obviously riley's position is far more surreal and unfathomable because that history is potently famous and embedded in the fabric of america. she can see him in countless photographs and hours of footage (and home movies and things i'm sure the family has) and hundreds of recordings, and she could be told stories about him by all the people she grew up with who knew and loved him, but it's still not the same as getting the chance to know someone yourself. this doesn't mean you don't love them, though! this doesn't mean you don't want to honor and respect them! that's not only some nebulous legacy to her, that's her family!!!

in regards to graceland, i'm not comfortable discussing the legal aspect because it's a private family matter and it breaks my heart that it's been raked through the mud of the tabloids in the way that it has, and i have an intense dislike of the "source" choosing to exploit that family to the likes of tmz after the amount of tragedy they've already endured, but i will say this: graceland isn't just some museum, or even only a house. it's their home. the treasure that it is to the millions of people who've visited there, who treat it like something of a pilgrimage, has basically no analogue in pop culture/music history. there's no place quite like that, where the heart and soul of someone has been kept so vividly, where people gather to remember and honor that in the way that they do. the...nasty glee? what do we even call this? at the idea that she'd sell or destroy it is unconscionably messed up????? and completely disregarding her? thank goodness priscilla did what she did to protect and salvage it, we would not have that connection if she hadn't. lisa marie then dedicated a significant portion of her own life caring for and championing that as well. these women quite literally kept his legacy alive by honoring him and his music/artistry and that place they chose to share with the world. there is such value and beauty in that, and they gave what they gave for that because they love him and believe in its importance and that he deserves it. undermining that isn't about...mocking and hating e or whatever it is that drives that...it fundamentally is a kind of sacrilege to the meaning of it culturally, and an enormous sign of disrespect for these women and the countless other people who have dedicated so much love and soul and time in preserving it for the rest of us, and i hope the light of that is always carried forward.

[pebiejeebies]

Pebie’s Fictkin Confusion.. (Cabby ii/iii)

Help a Pebie out!/nf 🤍

https://href.li/?https://inanimateinsanity.fandom.com/wiki/Cabby

This is where I got the info btw! Creds for them! ^^^^^^^^^

Now let’s DIVE IN!! &lt;3

Her concept design showed her being colored "white" rather than periwinkle. 📏 OMGE— AGAIN WITH THE WHITE?! WOW.. WHITE TIGER, WHITE CABBY, WHITE SNOWY BIOME THAT MY THERIOTYPE LIVES IN, WHARTS NEXT?!—

Cabby has shown an impressively high attention to detail. Cabby is quite resourceful and seems to rely on her files primarily for references. Cabby is also very protective of her files, as seen in "The Shame of the Name", as she scolds Fan for stealing a file of hers, but claims she will happily give out information if asked 📏 THATS SO ME BUT IF THE FILES WERE MY IPAD/NOTEBOOK (the notebook Is for when I’m at school/somewhere I can’t take my iPad ^^)

This is most apparent in "Best Served Cold" when she tries to manipulate Test Tube into voting for Silver Spoon, but the plan backfires as Test Tube shares the files from her to her teammates, revealing that she writes down contestants' flaws, seemingly in an attempt to get them eliminated, which eventually causes her downfall and she is eliminated. 📏 Replace files with my iPad/notebook, and replace Fan with my siblings and parents.. I CANT. ITS MINE MINE MINE, ONLY MINE. (I am not that selfish… trusrts me ^u^”)

Cabby starts to overcompensate, trying to become more of a team player and get closer to her teammates by offering her files out more freely and bringing her former team together into a new alliance. 📏 A girl “BFF” that we trusted then suddenly got backstabbed, thrown away.. and after a very good friendship dynamic and how we were just so perfect together.. hmmm.. then has a whole new personality shift, much more social anxiety, worry, and guilt.. HMMMMMM…

It is revealed that Cabby has a form of short-term memory loss. She states that as soon as she writes something down, it's as good as gone. Cabby uses her files as an aid for her memories, due to not being able to remember things herself. This is apparently so extreme that in Spring on the Breakfast!, she admits that she cannot even remember her own parents and is clearly struggling and sweating in pain whenever she tries. 📏 In my case, it’s me over sharing my life, overdoing gifts and such, just genuinely being much more kinder and clingy.. worried about losing someone or something this important to me..

In the episode Spring On The Breakfast! when Bot asks Cabby what her parents were like, Cabby states that she doesn't really know. She tries to remember their faces but "it hurts a lot". 📏 NOW THIS. THIS SCREAMS ME. (EVEN THOUGH IDK IF I HAVE SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS) My memory has gotten worse and worse, (or at least that’s what I think) to the point I can’t even remember anyone’s faces! I can only recognize it, never imagine or remember it in my mind or head.. and while I try to remember anything that I’ve forgotten I do tend to get sweaty and exhausted, getting headaches and such..

Cabby is the second contestant to end with a "-y" suffix 📏 If nobody has noticed my names, mostly they end in a “Y” ish sound! Pebie, Xue (zui or zu), Kenzie, Harley (my old roblox username) LIKE HONESTLY..

So in conclusion.. does that make me a Cabby kin? Probably! I see way too many things that I relate to! Ever since cabby tried to befriend the contestants and FAILING MISERABLY, I was one of the few who really under why she did so, EVERYONE HATED HER FOR IT, and it made me so angry. It was as if.. you were saying that to me. And so I posted this comment in Pinterest a LONG WHILE AGOOO, When the episode of her being villianized came out!

And let’s speak abt the fact that the fandom all agreed on making her disabled cause of her wheels! 

A while ago I started researching more about myself and realized I’m not audhd, I’m more ASD and TBI.. and both of these together could kind of count as a disability based on my research(?) 

*I DO KNOW THAT SELF DIAGNOSIS IS COMPLETELY WRONG BUT PLEASE GO EASY ON ME, IM TRYING TO GET THERAPY, THANK YOU*

Some cute pics cause I love her sm/p

(TW: CURSE WORDS)

And.. Two sad relatable ones :(

What do you guys think? Am I really cabby?

(Little plus: There are random times my voice accidentally sounds like hers, and I oddly get like a burst of very great and awesome grammar while talking! + OKAY, SO SHE IS AN ESTJ, AND IM AN INFP.. AND WE ARE LITERALLY EXACT OPPOSITES W HA T)