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perictione00 · 11 months

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Oops!...I Did It Again

Ch 2: Lucky Charm

Pairing: Nanami Kento x reader

Warnings: Use of profanities and curse words, power dynamics, toxic work culture

Synopsis: When life was throwing you uncountable curveballs, an unexpected reunion with your high school friend helped you dodge every single one of them. Coping mechanisms leave you both in a complicated situationship. So what happens when one of you ends up catching feelings? The cliche or the unexpected?

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

Ch 1

Naoya Zenin was a menace. A woman-hating man-child who was also an out-and-proud nepotism baby. He was a nightmare to work with, and it didn't help that you were his secretary. The pay was good, very good, but you didn't know how long you could tolerate his trashy behavior. For now, you have to go with the flow and put up with his issues to avoid pulling three part-timers a day. Which was why you were redoing the whole file work because he didn't like the original font. You were sure the font did not matter to him; he was just enjoying his time moonwalking on your last nerve and misusing his position to make you feel inferior or something along those lines.

"Get me a grilled steak and green salad from that French place", Naoya ordered as the clock hit 12.

It was lunch time, commonly known as his infamous "booty hour", where he would invite a woman from the department to discuss a crucial company matter until his lunch arrived. What was worse was the fact that he would expect you to instruct the delivery person to take the food inside his office while he went at it. Some weird kink of his that got him off. But being the compassionate human you are, a friendly warning was provided instead. However, the same couldn't be said about you. Today was not your lucky day, as your order was declined due to traffic problems, and you had to inform that ass of a man about it.

"Um, sir, would you like to order something else? They're not taking online orders today", you asked, already expecting a dramatic reaction from him.

"Just go get it then, and better make it quick; I don't like my food cold."

The sheer audacity this man had was unbelievable. So fucking ill-mannered and rude that you could easily see yourself killing him. Before you could give him a piece of your mind, in a very toned-down way, of course, a woman entered the office, which was your cue to leave. She was very pretty, and it was a pity that she was there to entertain your boss. It's not like she was forced to, but you're sure that she wants a promotion, and this was the only way. With the experience of two weeks here, you were enlightened with the information about the consultation department being the worst of all when it came to the work environment and treatment of staff. And there was literally nothing anyone could do about it, not even the HR department, because the person on top of the food chain was affiliated with the Zenin family. So you did your job and kept quiet like everyone else.

You felt disgusted as you walked out of the office. The huge pay makes sense now. No one would voluntarily want to work with a jerk like Naoya. For someone from such an influential family, he was too ignorant to survive in the real world. And although he was actually good at what he did, his problematic behavior left no space for praise. But at the end of the day, it was true that he was your boss, and it was also true that you were literally running an errand for him right now. Complaining is all you can do, which was tiring. It is what it is. So with a smile on your face, you entered the restaurant and ordered a grilled steak seasoned with extra pepper and a green salad to go. Yes, it was childish and petty; however, you don't remember him saying "please" while requesting either, so a little spice makes it even now.

You looked around for an empty seat to sit on while you waited, and just then you saw a familiar face offering you one beside him. Oh, he was totally an angel in disguise. You remember that in high school, he helped you several times. Like that one time when you were late for PE class and he lied on your behalf to save you from punishment, or that one time when he helped you revise the whole syllabus minutes before the test, or the one where he stayed awake the whole night to keep you company at a sleepover because you were hellbent on completing the horror movie marathon, or the one where he held your hand while the doctor informed you about your parents' deaths. Nanami Kento was a kind person. A Lucky Charm. And the same kind person found out that you left the city a day before his 19th birthday without telling him.

"Are you stalking me?", you said with a playful smile as you sat down.

"Are you planning on leaving without a word again?", he countered, reciprocating your smirk.

"Oh, so we're going that way, huh", you replied, chuckling. It was not awkward, but you didn't feel like explaining that situation.

"Are we? Anyway, what are you doing in this part of town? Fancy something French?", he asked, changing the subject.

"Oh no. I'm here to get food for a walking STD", you stated almost immediately.

"Interesting. Please elaborate", Nanami said, unsure if he was just entertaining your rant or genuinely invested.

"It's my boss. He's such a douchebag. I can't stand him, but I have to since I'm his assistant. It's exhausting having to sit through his bullshit. He just never shuts up, you know. Legit crap comes out of his mouth. And honestly, he knows his shit, I'll give him that, but the guy's hopeless when it comes to basic human decency. God, he's trash", you stopped knowing well that you could go on forever.

"That sounds like a lot. Why not switch? The company, I mean", Nanami questioned.

You were hesitant, almost uncomfortable, with him knowing about your employment crisis. For some reason, you didn't want him to look at you any differently than he did before. You didn't want him to view you as a failure. Maybe it was the inferiority complex or whatever, but you just wanted to avoid the topic. Fortunately for you, your order was ready, and so were you, to leave. With that, you said your goodbyes, promising to catch up again.

"Sir, you have a meeting with the head of the marketing department at 3", you said while organizing his schedule.

"Yeah, that. Let's go; you're coming with me. I need someone to carry the paperwork", he said nonchalantly.

It was while working with him, that you noticed that Naoya Zenin had a knack for enraging people. But trying your best to pay him no mind, you followed him with your hands full to the meeting auditorium. Once you reached the well-furnished venue, he instructed you to arrange the files and leave. Damn, this job was hitting on all the tough spots of your already bruised ego. You opened the door to leave, only to bump into a large man. A large man in a white tuxedo with blonde hair, to be specific. Who knew that on your way out, you would bump into Nanami Kento of all people?

Ch 3

Series Masterlist

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revory · 2 years

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“You’re not a Chambermaid, are you?” - Aemond Targaryen x Servant!Reader

Paring: Aemond Targaryen x Servant!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, mean behaviour from other servants.

Summary: When the usual chambermaid falls ill, Y/N has to step up from her normal role and fill in for her. But when she enters a room to begin her duties, she does not realise that it belongs to a certain one-eyed prince…

Word count: 1876 words

A/N: Hi guys! I’m Rev, and this is my very first time writing, so tips are very much appreciated!! Please reblog if you like it, it would help a lot :) This is mostly fluff, but if you guys like it I’m more than happy to make another part that's smut or in Aemond’s POV. Words in bold are Y/N’s thoughts, btw. Happy reading!

PART 2 COMING SOON!

“What? But….but I wasn’t trained for this-”

“Your job is to serve the royal family, Y/N. No matter in what way,” Dorris, your superior says, grabbing your wrist firmly. “Do you think they will care that you are not the usual girl? No. Do you think they will notice that you are a scullery maid? Oh please…”

One of the usual chambermaids fell ill, and they were short on staff, so Dorris decided to volunteer you to step up, without consulting you first. You were panicking though, as you had only worked in the Red Keep for about a month, and only as a scullery maid. Your work consisted of scrubbing the kitchen tops and floors, and taking any waste out, so changing sheets and cleaning chambers was something you were not used to.

“Dorris, I can’t….I’ve never done this befo-”

“Well you will today,” she glares at you. Honestly, if you weren’t so scared, you would’ve laughed at how her eyes almost popped out of the sockets and how her lips were pressed in a single line. “…and you will continue until you’re not needed anymore.”

You sigh, not wanting to start a fight. You didn’t want to lose your job, especially not after only working there for such a short time. No matter how much you hated the situation, you were determined to earn some money to send back to your mother and little brother, and so you kept your mouth shut. You take the chambermaid uniform from Dorris’s hand, the clothes being much cleaner than what you were wearing. It would have been weird if a chambermaid had rabbit blood all over her apron, which she certainly did not need for remaking beds.

After changing into your new uniform, you quickly redo your hair in one braid down your back, before leaving the servants quarters to pick up your equipment. In the storage room, you find other chambermaids, dressed the same as you, chatting with each other. You smile at them, but they just stare and side-eye each other. Okay, rude. You look around for all the things you need and try to balance them in your arms, the others laughing when you keep dropping something.

“Seven hells….where is her basket?” One snickers, looking at the others before glancing at you.

You tried to ignore them, as you grab one of the woven baskets they were mentioning, shoving your supplies in before rushing out the door. Dorris gave you a sheet, well, a badly drawn map by her of the Red Keep, so you could navigate your way around. All the rooms that were circled were the ones you had to tend to, one of them being a very large one by the looks of Dorris’s map. You decide to start with that one, so the biggest would be over and done with by nightfall. As you approach the room, there are two large doors, unlike the other rooms you’ve been to in the Red Keep. Hmm…odd. You knock three times, but no answer. You knock again, this time, you speak.

“Hello…?…It’s the chambermaid….is anyone inside…?” You twist the doorknob, and to your surprise, it's unlocked. I guess nobody is here so…should I just go? You enter cautiously, not bothering to close the door, looking around the room. Your jaw drops as you take it all in, the room is bigger than any one you have ever seen. You think that even your whole house was smaller than this. There is a large four-poster bed, black sheets and a dark wood frame. Opposite the bed was a table, stacked parchment and books in a pile neatly on it. To the right was a fireplace, one long circular couch in front of it. Every piece of furniture in the room was a shade of black or dark green. You wondered who occupied this room, they must be quite important.

After you finish your observations…and silent jealously, you begin to take the sheets of the bed off, dusting the bed before putting on the new black spread. As you do this though, the sheet isn’t being laid evenly, causing one side to lift off as you pull on the other. You begin to get frustrated, you knew this wasn’t right for you. Stupid Dorris. As more time goes on, you still cannot make the sheets look nice for the life of you. You begin to groan, stomping around like a toddler.

“Seven fucking hells!” You shout out, throwing the sheets off the bed and onto the floor in rage. You aggressively wipe your tears away, not even noticing that you had begun to cry in annoyance.

“Having trouble, are we?” You hear a deep voice behind you, jumping in surprise and snapping around to face the door. There, stood a man, leaning against the doorframe, a faint smirk on his face, like he was trying not to laugh. The long, silver hair that flowed down his shoulders, and the eyepatch were enough to tell you who he was. Prince Aemond. So this was his room. Your eyes were wide, red from the tears, as you scrambled to give him an awkward curtsy.

“M-my Prince….forgive me, for-”

“Entering a prince’s chambers without permission, then taking my sheets and throwing them on the floor, before swearing in my presence?” he cuts you off, this clearly being a game for him. But when he sees your terrified expression, and the way your eyes begin to water, his gaze softens.

“I’m only jesting, my Lady,” Aemond smiles, going over to the sheets that you had thrown on the floor, picking them up and handing them to you. You stare up at him, mouth slightly agape at his towering figure. “Please, take your time,” he says as he walks over to his desk, unstacking the sheets and beginning to read over them. Great, so now he has to watch me fail. As you begin to redo the bed, you see Aemond, busy writing letters to some lord or whoever the hell princes talk to. Unbeknownst to you, however, the prince can’t help but steal a glance or two up at you, lips curling into a small smirk as he hears you mutter a curse occasionally. When you are practically laying on his bed, trying to get the top right-hand corner of the sheet under the bed, Aemond sighs.

“You’re not a chambermaid, are you?” you can hear the smile evident in his voice, too embarrassed to face him as you continue to look at the sheets.

“…N-no, my Prince…how did you know?…”

“Because chambermaids would have taken five minutes for the whole bed. You, on the other hand, have been stuck on the same corner for half an hour,” he states blankly, leaning back into his chair to watch your embarrassed expression.

“….forgive me-”

“Here,” he stands, making his way to you, his walk a little intimidating. You can’t even seem to process what is happening as he stands behind you, placing his large hands on yours, guiding you on how to properly make the bed. As he explains how to do it, you’re not even focussing, cheeks heating up and breath quickening at the feeling of his warm fingers on your skin. You don’t realise what you are doing, as you close your eyes, inhaling to take in his scent. He smells like pine wood, a slight plum scent lingering. Probably from the pie I had seen being made for his family earlier today. Your thoughts are interrupted when he clears his throat, your eyes shoot open to find the bed being done completely. You look over your shoulder, finding Aemond smirking slightly, clearly having witnessed your little…act. You swallow, throat feeling dry as you try to think of words, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

“Understand now?” he raises his eyebrow, hands still on yours, before you turn around to face him completely.

You nod furiously, you’re certain that you’re blushing like a madman. Aemond chuckles as he walks back to his desk.

“Good. You may now do whatever else needs cleaning.”

You look around to find anything messy you could start with, but you find nothing. Aemond’s room is perfectly spotless, everything neatly placed, no mess whatsoever. You sigh, deciding you will just dust of the furniture slowly, finding that you don’t want to leave. Why face those bitchy girls again when you could be in Prince Aemond’s room?

As more time goes on, you find yourself ‘dusting’ for a while, and by dusting, I mean just staring in awe at Aemond, quickly looking away when he looks at you back. You don’t see the smirk that rests upon his lips as he sees your eyes widen, pretending to clean the same spot on the shelves again. The sun was now setting, the room tinted orange from the windows, as Aemond gets an idea into his head.

“Oh, and…” he looks at you, thinking if you told him your name or not.

“Y/N, my Prince…”

“Y/N…” he repeats slowly, before remembering what he was going to say. “I think I’d like a warm bath before nightfall, would you be a dear and help me? That is if you don’t have more important duties tonight…” he says, eye twinkling with mischief.

“Oh-, not at all, my Prince,” you gulp slowly, leaving the room to get the jugs of hot water, but before you could leave, he speaks.

“I’ll be in this room with the tub, so just come in here when you’re done,” he says, you nod as you leave.

When you come back, your holding two tubs of hot water, going back four times to get more, as you place the jugs outside the door of the room Aemond said he would be in. By the fourth time, you’re certain you have enough, as you knock on the room’s door.

“Come in, Y/N.” Every time he said your name, your heart fluttered. With excitement or nervousness, you didn't know, but you slowly opened the door, your jaw dropping at the scene in front of you. Inside, was a smaller room, a large tub in the middle, Aemond on the side of it. He was standing there, back facing you, his shirt off, making his back muscles visible. He seemed to be in the middle of unbuckling his belt, head looking behind his shoulder before turning around completely. You wanted to act professional, but your eyes were betraying you, wandering down to his toned bare torso, inhaling so you wouldn’t stop breathing. Gods…

“You can pour the water in, Y/N, then we can start.”

We? What does he mean, ‘we’?…He can’t possibly mean…

As much as you loved the sight in front of you…and that you wouldn’t be opposed to seeing…more, you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself. You didn’t know how you would be able to sleep at night without the embarrassing scenario replaying in your head.

“…My Prince, I'm but a scullery maid… I’ve never bathed someone…I'll fetch a more experienced maid-”

“Nonsense. You will stay…I want you to stay.” Your heart stops, half excited, half scared. “Besides, you’ll need someone to teach you if you’re going to be serving me for a while…”

A/N: Hope you liked it! Let me know if you guys want to be added to a tag list or if you have any other requests!

Thanks for reading!

Rev :)

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clutchpowers · 1 year

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Sooooo... i wanted to stick this little rambly thing at the bottom of the redraw but it would have made it look UGLY so im doing this separately... just wanna talk about the whole thing and What Not.

TLDR: its been a slash positive ride thats been worth it to try "something new" every year and my favorite piece out of all of them is the 9th. also for the curious heres the comparison of the 5th anni piece to the recent one (2018 -> 2023)

anyway. personal post time.

oh where to begin *rocks on my rocking chair* i guess it would be with the 5th anniversary piece...at the time it had been a long while since i did lineless art and i thought it would be cool to try it again for that one so i did by redrawing an old piece from 2014... that was the first "finished piece" i made of Them. i think i even made it into a wallpaper for myself lmao. anyway after i posted it i was like "aw man i should draw something every year until the 10th" but i thought yeah right. im going to forget next year like the idiot i am. but i Some How managed to do one every year... th worms got me... i honestly didnt think id make it all the way to the 10th but i did!! AND WITHOUT MISSING A DAY EXCEPT FOR THE 7TH WHERE I WAS A WEEK LATE???? UNREAL especially when fun fact! every year i had no idea what i wanted to do! all i knew for sure is that i wanted each piece to be out of my comfot zone to push me to do something a little different. unfortunately the subjects tm where always the same so it feels a little. samey. but these are my celebratory posts I GET TO ONLY POST ABOUT THE OTP SUPER BLORBOS OF ALL TIME

the 6th anniversary was a redraw of that one scene. you know the one. the helicopter one. fucking hate that scene btw it actually causes me psychic damage i cant watch with the audio or ill scream. but it is my favorite scene of mine despite all the horrors it causes <3 and i wanted to redraw it as if it was a cartoon... like i had taken screencaps from the lcu cartoon in my head. i still remember the backgrounds being such a pain in the ass. honestly id like to go back and redo this one one day too or do something similar to the concept because its a fun one that i always saw done growing up and i wanted to try it myself.

for the 7th anniversary you can see the turn.. no more humans... return to lego... i was getting a little more confident in drawing them in the lego form so i did another redraw this time with the ending!! honestly i still like this one and how it looks even with how late it was but i wanted to test my confidence and do a real True and Finished piece with COLORED LINES and EVERYTHING!!!!! im glad i ended up taking the turn because for the LONGEST TIME i wanted to try and draw them as lego so bad because all i did was draw them as humans and its funny because now its the exact opposite. glad this piece was kinda the solidification in my head that yeah okay im a bit better at drawing the stylized lego toy now i can keep drawing them like this without feeling like im going to want to delete this in 2 weeks.

the 8th anniversary one is so weird. somewhere toward the beginning of the year it got into my head that i wanted to do a comic of them but time/school would have gotten in the way so i ended up opting for a page. another redraw of the ending scene which honestly out of all of them this is my least favorite one and its solely because its all so off. i def could have formated it better so the background shot doesnt take up the entire fucking page but then again im not a comic guy and this was my first time so the layout was bound to look HORRID but this is something id like to come back to ive had the idea of making like a genuine short comic about them since FOREVER and now that im a bit more experienced (lying) i would like to make one day!!!! just gotta stop getting caught up in my scripts!! and going in circles!! Because im obviously not a writer and i keep getting first-hand embarrassment from these!! but ill get over it one day lol.

OH THE 9TH ANNIVERSARY PIECE MY BELOVED. ONE OF MY FAVORITE PIECES ACTUALLY i love this stupid thing so much you have no idea.i know its re-using lineless but i just loved the idea of what it would look like lineless AND IT CAME OUT SO PERFECT I LOVE IT SO MUCH obv it needs a few touch-ups so the main issues dont stand out to me but god. i love this piece so much. idk what came out of me to make this but its so good ill never get over it. and the little lego them as a cake topper ITS JUST SO CUTE I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY OTHER THAN I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SORRY

finally. the 10th anniversary piece. oh my god. okay. i need everyone to understand this. i had woken up with this fucking Unbearable pounding headache that was trying to kill me. my body the entire day wanted me to stop and lie down, but last night i was already done with a good chunk of it and all i had to do that day was finish some lines and the coloring?? i literally don't remember all i remember is my body actively trying to shut down and force me to stop and sleep which i took a nap? didnt help. so i said fuck it im finishing this. i was. an entire goddamn corpse arched over my laptop. i was so delirious the entire time its a fucking miracle it even came out as good as it did but honestly. i still hate how it fucking looks. like you can TELL when i gave up (the shading) and it sticks out like a sore fucking thumb to me and it pisses me off because i knew i could have done so much better if i wasnt being stricken down by gods hand and his every attempt to get me to rest. idk like im generally proud ot it, with this one i wanted to go out with a bang tm so i tried to draw every important and relevant character instead of ALL of them like I was originally planning LMAO but ah well. maybe one day when im faster at drawing. this one i defiantly wanna go back and touch up but i everytime i open the file i can see 40 more things wrong with it and it drives me nuts. so ill just have to wait for when im ready. i guess.

can i just say though. the improvement is crazy. it always catches me off guard because tbh i uh. dont like my own art. im getting better at not fucking hating it because i can pinpoint everything wrong with it but whenever i see the side by sides it always surprises me. i always dont think im improving but then i see it and its like wow i really am getting better! i still suck at 3000 things but im getting better! and its overall just a nice thing to see after having drawn them for as long as i have... the power of the worms is strong and has ruined my brain...... speaking of i know ive said a few times that i fucking hate certain pieces, not just LCU related ones but almost anything i post, but if you love them and are able to look at them with a twinkle in your eye then thank you. genuinely. i honestly love looking over the tags of people exploding and saying nice things. it warms my cold little heart and im glad there are people out there that genuinely love some of the things what i do! even if its just fanart and its just their blorbo. thank you for sticking around even tho all i do is draw my otp super blorbos :'^) this game means the world to me and im glad like more than 2 people wanna spread it around.

to wrap back around to the anniversary stuff and speaking of big love to the people out there THE FREAKING EPIC ZINE i was just a small thing but it came out amazing even for how small it was thank you to the contributors and thank you to everyone whos downloaded it!! its still getting the occasional and i love getting the notif in my email about it. i love that there are still people out there who wanna see it and all the hard work everyone put into it to celebrate the games 10th just thank you again i really does mean alot to me ALSO IF YOU HAVENT CHECKED IT OUT PLEASE DO IT IS 100% WORK YOUR TIME AND ITS DIGITAL WITH PRINT AT HOME STICKERS AND YOU CAN KEEP IT AND LOOK AT IT FOREVER

uh to end this off....would I like to do this again..... I mean I kinda am? by that i mean ill do the big numbers (15, 20, 25, 30, 40, etc) till the day i freaking die!!!! but yeah no countdown stuff ever again!!!!! sorry :^( it was super fun to do though!!!! and im glad i did it that piece is the conclusion to the whole thing but that doesnt mean ill stop drawing them. duh. theyre my characters now! but heres to many more anniversaries and to hopefully another game! or to just see them again in any other lego media! or even better... a mischaracterized cameo in ninjago!

#long ass post lmao congrats if you actually read it all and made it to the bottom :'^)#i typed this all out yesterday thats how i got it out so quick lol

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thechaoscryptid · 6 months

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🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

(ask me writer questions!)

I love this question! I have many thoughts on this and I'll try to make them coherent lmao. I'm pulling out my writing books for this too because in Gentle Writing Advice (pg. 199), Chuck Wendig pretty well summarizes my thoughts:

And therein lies the secret: Writer's block isn't all that bad. Because, if you really think about it, writer's block is sometimes like a warning light letting you know something is off. It is a tremor in the spider's web, or an ill wind blowing. It's doing us a service, as bad as it might feel. Think of writer's block as the voice of your intestinal flora, the choir of hypersentient bacteria in your gut that provides the insight of instinct. You can ignore them and push on - that's okay, too, as long as you fix in edit - and there's also nothing to say our instincts are uinversally correct. [...] My process in this regard needn't be your process: certainly there's value to mashing the accelerator and driving that machine as fast as you can till the thing either gets you over the finish line or explodes in a fiery ball before tumbling down a plot hole big enough to swallow Central Park. You can always fix it in subsequent drafts. The point stands, though, that writer's block isn't necessarily all bad. There's gold in them thar hills. The question is whether or not you can dig for it.

I think writer's block is unfairly maligned. That's my hot take on it. We should spend less time boohooing the fact we're blocked and more time figuring out why it's happening.

Throughout the above book, Wendig talks a lot about the writing process and how your life outside of writing relates to it, and there's also a great section that basically boils down to "block or breakdown," in which he posits that some of what writers consider "creative block" is actually something more serious (mental or physical illness, weird/wrong environment, etc).

Writer's block is my sign to check in with myself on both a writing and personal level to ask what's gone sideways. Sometimes I can push through it with an extra coffee and a little effort. More often, it's my sign to rest, chill out, cool my jets. Take a break for once.

In the same vein, low creativity!

AWFUL thing to experience. Terrible! The worst! There are fewer things I hate more than the times my creative well has turned to sludge and writing is a fucking slog.

And, like writer's block, realizing my well is running dry is a signal for me to stop, step back, and reassess.

I've actually been struggling really hard with both block and being creatively dry for like, four months now. I've been writing fuck all except 100 words of BG3 fic at a time on work breaks, and it's been rough.

What I have been doing?

Reading. A lot of reading, and analyzing style/structure/characterization to figure out what new elements I might be able to incorporate to a new creative project. I've been reading fantasy, sci-fi, classics, writing books, other nonfiction, books on myths - I'm really chewing through titles 😅

Resting. Not forcing myself to sit down and work on projects. I've actually avoided working on writing projects even on days I feel like I can or want to write.

Other creatively involved work. I've been cooking and baking more, as well as doing a lot of zine admin work. Shit that involves creative projects but doesn't necessarily involve creativity. I looooove creative-adjacent work for low creativity times!

Redoing old work. I'm talking like, rewriting and editing 5+ year old work from the ground up. You already have the raw material, and this is an easy, low-pressure way to get back in the saddle OR just keep those writing muscles limber (but also, you canNOT beat yourself up about "oh I was so bad how did anyone ever like this" that's not allowed).

Not putting pressure on myself to perform. This is a huge cause of creativity issues for me, ngl. But over the past two years or so, I've really been working hard at just allowing myself to create at my own pace. I feel, especially in fandom, people feel obligated to churn out content as quick as they can lest they get ignored and forgotten; learning to break out of that "gotta go fast" mentality has done WONDERS for not draining me as quickly, even if it still feels shitty to see more popular writers dropping a new 15k fic every week.

Slowly but surely, my creative well is refilling. My blocks are becoming fewer and farther between and when they do hit, I'm better prepared to know if it's something I can push through and fix later OR if it's something I really do need to sit back and consider.

So yeah!

I guess TL;DR my advice is basically (though easier said than done, I will admit):

Know thyself and thy limits

Step back, get your head clear, and assess

Do non-writing creative work that sparks joy

Remove yourself from the comparison game

#asks answered #monstersinthecosmos

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trinimalfoyyy · 1 year

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OBLIVATE-D.M SERIES

Chapter ten: Your Name Is?

Warnings: profanity

A/N: I hated how the series ended so with more practice under my belt I wanted to redo the ending!

I awoke to the bright sun blinding my eyes as I jerked up. The room was too bright as my eyes tried to their best to adjust. I rubbed them in hopes of seeing some clarity.

The room remained blurry as my eyes took some time to adjust. Where was I? I looked around to find myself in a room that did not look familiar. How did I get here? Fuck did I get drunk last night?

I threw the blanket off of my figure as I walked around the room. Clothes were thrown astray as I walked over the weirdly large articles of clothing. The room was very simple. Little to no color. It looked like no one lived here. It was oddly clean except for random clothes thrown here and there.

Books open on a desk with scrolls and paper marked in a weird language. Books piled in a nice corner and racked my brain as I tried to read them. Advanced potion making. Hogwarts: A History. Basic Hexes for the busy and Vexed. What kind of books were these?

I ran my fingers over some of the spines and watched as some glimmer back in response. I wracked my brain for any kind of explanation as to why I was here. Nothing came to mind, only blankness filled my brain. I wanted to freak out. I told myself that their is clearly a reason why I’m here. I just don’t end up in a room that isn’t familiar. At a date- wait a date? What was the date? I couldn’t remember.

Did I know my own name? I stopped in my tracked and tried to think of my name. What the fuck was my name? Now I started to freak out. I couldn’t remember my name. The date? The year??

Fuck fuck fuuuuuck. Am I that drunk? No, my head isn’t spinning. I can count backward from 10. So not hungover or drunk. Was I slipped something? Obviously, that’s why I can’t remember things. But I don’t remember going out to drink.

I sat at the desk and put my head in my hands. Think damnit think! What’s the last thing you remember. Nothing came to mind. I wanted to cry. My body was now in full alert. Think harder!

Slowly but surely, little flashes started to form in my mind. That’s right I was in a heated argument with my neighbor. What was his name? Henry? Harper? No, it was N/N. That’s right now I remember. Jesus it shouldn’t be this hard to remember things…right? Oh my god what if I have a illness and I’m slowly losing my mind.

Suddenly I heard footsteps coming from outside. Another person? Maybe they kidnapped me! As the door handle started to turn I grabbed a book from the desk. The door started to open and I threw the book at the man who walked in. He immediately ducked and looked at me surprised.

“You’re awake?!” I looked at him scared and confused. “Awake? How long have I been sleeping?” The blonde man who was strangely handsome walked over to me slowly but stopped when I jumped up causing the chair to fall loudly. He put up his hands in the air ushering me to calm down.

“A couple weeks. I didn’t expect you to wake up at all. Had me worried.” Why was I worrying this mysterious man? Wait, mysterious man? “I was so worried when your neighbor used obliviate. And I was able to miss the spell, and then I heard you fall, and we thought it was too much for a muggle to see, and well yeah..”

What the actual fuck is he talking about. Oblivate? Muggle? Spell? Clearly this man is delusional. Deranged even. “I’m sorry to interrupt your uh explanation, but what are you talking about. And who are you?”

The man’s blue eyes widened in response. He stepped back and looked like he was about to cry. “You don’t know who I am?” “Uh no. I remember my neighbor and I in a argument, but I have no idea who you are.”

“You don’t remember anything? From the past months? Nothing?! Nothing at all??” Okayyy now this man is weird. “No, I’m sorry sir, I’m still trying to remember my name and do you know how hard it was to remember I was even in an argument with N/N?”

“Y/N.” “What?” “That’s your name, Y/N.” Hearing that did bring back memories. Oh I do remember now. I felt the tears start to form in eyes as everything was flowing back to me.

Everything came back except anything related to the man in front of me. “I’m sorry but where do you fit in? I have no memory of you.” The man looked at me with such a sadness in his eyes that i couldn’t even understand.

“No matter, we can start over! My name is Draco. Draco Malfoy. It’s nice to meet you.” He put out his hand and smiled even if it seemed a little sad. I suppose I could play his little game. Perhaps I could remember things if I entertained him. I put my hand to his and shook it back. A small smile upon my face.

“It’s nice to meet you Draco. Tell me have we met before?” Draco didn’t answer for a while. He seemed to be looking for an answer in his mind so I sat next to him while he searched. His presence felt familiar but i couldn’t put a finger on it. Finally after the silence which was me just looking at his face, he finally answered me.

“Yes, we have met but you won’t remember me, but don’t worry I’ll tell you everything.” His gentle smile made me relax. Finally I would get all the answers that racked my brain. Finally I would understand.

END OF OBLIVIATE

REGULAR MASTERLIST:

@orphixcc @willowbleedsonpaper @aadoreeleanorr @his-princess01122014 @burnin-passion @superanimenatural @slytherinhoeperiodt @kinkyslytherinstuff @youreso-golden @dracosbaibe @realityblocked @saayanaaa @agalswrittingobsession @bamb0lina-sffv @justfangirlthingies @louweasleymalfoy @erenjaegerswh0r3 @marrymetheonott @worksby-gabriella @willowmores @daedreamss @audrienfortuno

#draco malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco lucius malfoy #draco x reader #harry potter #draco x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x you #draco x oc #draco x y/n

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obsessive-dork · 2 years

Text

Once again…trying something new (still Eddie related though because I mean…come on!).

In this AU, Eddie becomes attracted to a introverted woman at his college. Their friendship slowly grows into something more, but both are facing difficulties of the past, present, and future.

This is just Part 1 of many to come (hopefully). Once again, any comments/suggestions are welcome and appreciated! Hope you enjoy💜🍂

——————————————————————————

“Alright, let’s go,” Robin said, snatching the book out of Em’s hand.

She groaned. “I was in the middle of a sentence. Way to flare my OCD.”

“Get dressed.”

Em crawled out of bed, sighing. She avoided the mirror as she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She chose the usual black jeans and black shirt with the only pop of color being her orange checkered Vans. Redoing her hair, she caught herself in the mirror and rolled her eyes. Senior year of college, and she was still miserable. One friend. No plans. Plethora of mental illnesses.

“Don’t look so morose.” Robin nudged her as they reached the porch.

The music and drunk shouts bombarded her ears. The sweat and smoke filled her nose. Her head already hurt. “The band better be good.”

“Trust me, you’ll love them.”

“Rob!” someone called, and Robin disappeared before Em could even survey the crowd.

She loved this house. It was the lime green house she passed by daily on her way to the cafe, and each time she imagined her life within it. In the winter, the house glowed against the snow, and in the spring, when the lilac and lavender and iris bloomed, they burst brilliantly against the house. She would cover the wrap around porch with wildflowers. There would be a room in the house dedicated to books, and weird, quirky art would be everywhere. She would have a writing nook in the bay window, and her days would be spent writing, music dancing through the house.

But, as she looked around, she found herself hating it, or rather how the people disrespected such a sacred place. So much wasted potential. There were two stained and ripped couches, a dining table with no chairs, and the sink in the kitchen was filled with dirty plates. College kids. She couldn’t believe she was one of them.

As she looked at the hoard of alcohol, the music cut out, and people began to cheer. She grabbed two drinks and found her way to the makeshift stage.

“Thanks for coming. I hope everyone’s having a good time.” The crowd whooped and clapped. “I see some of you are double fisting,” he chuckled, making eye contact with Em.

She smirked at him and raised one of her glasses. She liked his smile. She’d seen it before, but tonight it was different, brighter, lighter. Eddie was a close friend of Robin’s, and he was often showing up at their apartment. He’d also been in a few of Em’s classes. He was dressed as he always was: band shirt, leather jacket, vest over top covered in pins and patches, black ripped jeans, Converse, rings upon rings, a bandana tucked into his pocket.

“You all know Dustin and Lucas, but we got a new drummer tonight, Mad Max.”

A group in the front chanted her name, and Max pulled her hair up in preparation.

“And we are Corroded Coffin!” Eddie strummed his guitar, and everyone broke out into screams.

“Hey, Em!”

She was shocked by the sound of her name, and when she turned and saw Eddie approaching her, she became even more confused. He never talked to her, not even in class. “Hi.”

“You like the set?”

“Yeah, it was great.”

“Glad Robin dragged you here?”

She adjusted her glasses, laughed nervously, and nodded.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Sure.” She glared down at her drink, realizing she’d had too much. Since when did she say sure to spending time with people?

He tucked his hands in his pockets as they made their way to the fire pit. “What classes do you have this semester?” he asked, sitting down on rotting wood chairs.

She did the same. “Some graduate writing classes, dystopian lit, and an immigration course. Oh, and my thesis.”

“Thesis?”

She poked at the fire with a stray stick. “Yeah, I’m writing about environmentalism in Irish literature.”

“You started research yet?”

“I’m five books in, about seven or so more to go.”

“Damn. Any suggestions?”

“Solar Bones. Best one I’ve read so far.” She glanced at him, and he was smiling to himself. “What about you?”

“Uhh, well, I’ve got dystopian lit, too. I’ve already read most of the stuff on the syllabus, but I like rereading. Plus I get to rant for a grade.”

She laughed. “That is one of the best parts of being an English major.”

Their eyes met. She noted the warmth in his gaze and couldn’t look away.

And then she collapsed to the ground. Eddie bit his lip, holding in laughter, and she glared at him.

“Don’t you dare,” she growled. But she couldn’t resist either, and the two burst into laughter. “I’m too drunk for this.”

He reached his hand out to her and pulled her out of the wood pile. “Your arm’s bleeding,” he muttered.

“Oh, shit.” She sucked in a sharp breath and shut her eyes. “I’m gonna barf.”

He shook his head. “It’s just a splinter.”

“Mhm.” She gagged.

“Come on.” He led her through the house and to the privacy of the upstairs bathroom, sitting her on the edge of the bathtub. He poured some alcohol on it and grabbed a pair of tweezers. “So, it’s pretty-”

“Don’t. I don’t want to know.”

“Alright, alright.” He yanked the thick splinter out, and she groaned before hurling into the tub. He rubbed her back. “Okay, it’s okay. All done.”

She wiped her mouth. “Well, this is embarrassing.”

He placed a bandaid on the cut and shrugged. She met his eyes again, and he smiled. “Okay?”

She tilted her head and observed his face. He was more attractive up close. His long, dark curls had frizzed rather adorably, and she realized he had a freckle in his left eye. “You’re not what I thought you’d be. Why’d you…” Her voice faded, and his brow furrowed. “I’ve gotta go,” she blurted, jumping up and jogging out of the house.

Unknown: You okay?

She didn’t recognize the number and considered ignoring it, but she couldn’t sleep. Instead, she was thinking about why on earth Eddie suddenly decided to talk to her.

Em: Who’s this?

Unknown: Eddie. Eddie Munson

Em: Oh

Her stomach turned. Robin gave him her number? Why had he asked for it? What did he want from her?

Eddie: You ran out so fast, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright…I don’t mean to bother you

Em: Fine thanks

Eddie: Here if you need anything

She left him on read.

“Woke up late today.” Robin handed Em a cup of coffee as she entered the kitchen. “Why’d you ditch me last night?” she asked.

“Tired. Sorry, I should’ve texted you.”

“It’s okay. Eddie told me you were alright.”

She glanced at Robin. “Why’d he want my number anyways?”

She shrugged. “He asks about you sometimes, and I think he was excited you came to his party.”

“His party?”

“Yeah, that’s his place. He lives there with his uncle. He works nights though so Eddie usually hosts the band’s gigs.”

“He’s never talked to me before.”

“Probably because you don’t talk to anybody. You’ve always got your earphones in.”

“That’s true.” She sipped her coffee, remembering the few times they’d made eye contact during class. The corners of his mouth would twitch, and Em would look away swiftly.

Her phone dinged, and she glanced down to see a text from Eddie.

***

“Why exactly haven’t you talked to her before?” Dustin asked.

“She’s quiet. And intimidating honestly.”

“You? Intimidated?”

“Em, she’s-she’s somber. Always has her head down, breezing in and out before you can even get a word in. But damn, when she talks in class, I can’t take my eyes off her. Her intelligence, her interpretations, her words, they’re just…” Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know, man.”

“Robin’s always trying to get her to come out.”

“Never does though. That’s why I took a shot last night.”

“And?”

“And nothing. We made small talk for a bit, but she uh-she kind of just ran out.”

“She goes to the cafe on Saturdays.”

Eddie’s head snapped up. “Your cafe?”

“Yeah. Religiously.” He grabbed his keys. “Well, come on. You can buy her a coffee or something.”

And sure enough, there she was, sitting in a corner booth and leaning against the window.

Eddie followed Dustin to the counter as he prepared Em’s regular. “You want one?”

“What is it?”

“Three shots espresso, oat milk, cinnamon. Shit ton of cinnamon.”

“Yeah. And a cinnamon roll.”

He watched her as she read and occasionally smiled when a dog passed by. Every few minutes, she’d purse her lips and begin furiously writing notes.

Dustin handed him the coffee and pastry, giving him a thumbs up. “Good luck,” he teased.

“What’re you reading?”

Em gasped, jumping slightly. “Gosh, Eddie. Uh…hi.”

“I come baring gifts,” he smiled awkwardly, placing them on the table.

“Thanks.” She looked at the coffee, then at Dustin who avoided her eyes, and back at Eddie. “You stalking me?”

“No! No. I just-I was coming in with Dustin, and he asked me to bring this over to you.”

She opened the lid, nodded in approval. “Thanks, Dustin! And thank you, Eddie.”

He took the invitation to sit with pleasure. “Cinnamon bun as well.” He slid it over to her.

“Stalking and bribing. Hmm.”

He chuckled. “So, what’s that, then?”

She handed him the book and sipped her drink. “Excavation of Ireland after nuclear devastation for my-”

“Thesis.”

She gave him a faint smile as he flipped through, intrigued by her notes.

“About last night…I’m sorry I got sick in your bathroom and just ran out. That was-was rude.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. How’s the cut?”

“Oh, it’s fine. I’ve gotten so sensitive to blood ever since my injury.”

“Injury?”

“I fractured my leg a while back. Had to get screws and plates. They stapled the cut shut.” She shuttered. “Makes me sick thinking about it. Staples are for paper, not skin.”

He laughed. “How’d you do that?”

“Oh…uh. Honestly, I just fell. Lost my footing and went down. My sister says I should tell people I was doing some elaborate skateboard trick and that the doctor says I can never skate again so no one can prove that I never learned how to skate in the first place.” She adjusted her glasses and picked at the pastry.

“What did you mean last night?” he blurted out.

“Hm?”

“Last night, you said I wasn’t what you expected.”

“Scary. I thought you’d be scary.”

“Me?”

“You ever look in the mirror or listen to your music? And whenever you talk in class, something incredibly insightful comes out of your mouth. You’re intimidating.”

“You’re the intimidating one!”

“What?”

“You ever looked in the mirror or heard yourself? Head down. No smile. You never say or do anything not worth being said or done. Don’t waste time.”

“Can’t afford to.”

“I don’t know. I think you’re just afraid to. It’s terrifying giving yourself to something that may not work out.”

She met his eyes. “Eddie…”

He held her gaze and waited. But nothing else came.

“You gonna answer my text?” he asked after some moments of silence.

“Favorite movie? I think I’d have to say Fargo. You?”

“Oh yeah?” he said, imitating a Minnesotan accent. She giggled as he thought, but he was distracted by the smile on her face. A genuine smile.

“Well?”

He snapped out of his trance. “Spontaneous.”

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s this great horror, comedy, coming of age love story. Rather elementary of me considering that I’m a film connoisseur,” he joked, “but I can’t get enough of it.”

“Eternal Sunshine has always been my favorite love story.”

He beamed. “I recommend that movie to everyone.”

“As you should.”

He bit his lip nervously. “So, uh…if I were to invite you to another one of my gigs, would you show?”

“Yeah, yeah I would.”

“Really?”

“I actually am a bit of a metalhead myself. Probably why Robin knew I’d like your music.”

His jaw dropped. “No.”

“Yes,” she laughed. “Bring Me The Horizon. Slayer. Motley Crue. Halestorm. Black Delilah. Day to Remember. Girlschool. Hole, ugh I love Hole. Destroy Boys. Bratmobile. Bikini Kill!”

“Okay, okay.” He chuckled. “You can stop listing. I believe you.”

“And now Corroded Coffin.” She became distracted and pouted at a passing puppy. “Look at those little legs,” she squealed. As if it knew she was talking about it, the pup turned to her and began wagging its tail ecstatically. She waved as it barked and then smiled at the owner, mouthing, “So precious.” She looked back at Eddie, smile still clinging to her face.

“You’ll come?”

She nodded, glancing at her buzzing phone and stuffing her things into her tote. “I have to go, but text me the details, okay? Thank you for-for this.”

“My pleasure.” His eyes followed her out and down the street until she disappeared. He looked wide eyed at Dustin, and both began laughing.

“I’m quite impressed, Munson.”

“And I’m in absolute shock.” He whipped out his phone and texted Em.

Eddie: 10 Tuesday night at the upsidedown. Drinks on me

#stranger things #Eddie Munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie the freak munson #Eddie Munson au #corroded coffin #hellfire club #stranger things au #robin buckley #dustin henderson #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #metalhead #femme punk #book nerd #movie nerd #the upsidedown

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rpbetter · 3 years

Note

I'm so tired of roleplaying with people who don't put half the commitment I do into our threads and muses. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a weirdo or like I don't belong for that. Any other hobby and people wouldn't care if I took it seriously. Why is roleplaying different? How can I keep going like this if I'm getting rudeness from all sides? I can't even go outside my already tiny bubble and find more partners, because I always see people putting roleplayers like me down and it's exhausting.

"Why is roleplaying different?"

Well, Anon, I know that was a rhetorical question, but I have some thoughts on that. To the surprise of no one!

I strongly believe that this is an issue with how fandom has come to dominate roleplaying. As I've said before, it really wasn't always like that. Of course, you always had canon characters and almost all RPers were invested in a fandom or two. The difference was that online RP was once viewed much more like tabletop RPGs are.

When the RPC became a near-total offshoot of Fandom, a lot of shit changed and very rapidly...and within Fandom, a lot of shit was changing very rapidly as well at that time.

RP has always been something looked down on (though, at least no one ever accused written RP online of being literally demonic like they did DnD, or made correlations to murder sprees like they did LARPing, so there's that) as strange, not the good, understandable sort of dorky.

Part of that is almost certainly because of the difference in the way society views writing vs the way it views hobbies like gaming - writing is seen as an intellectual pursuit and a job, gaming, even at its most negative points of view in wider society, has been seen traditionally as a downtime activity only.

But. RP was not looked down upon from within Fandom or in roleplay communities themselves like it is now.

When the whole experience of fandoms themselves became extremely mainstream and open, it welcomed in a ton of shit ideas and behaviors that were not previously prevalent. It changed RP, too, along many of those same lines.

When your hobby is considered objectionably weird by people within the fandoms you love and RP in and that makes you a sort of lowest-tier fan, the viewpoint of RP to RPers becomes something lesser than a valid hobby. When RPers are the same people who engage with Fandom monetarily, anything not monetized is passively consumable content, including RP. And RPers are trying to both deflect shame and struggling with wider society's mixed messages, that now hit them everywhere online as well. Shit like, "you don't have to monetize your hobby, it's okay to just make really good cross stitches of memes for yourself" and "if you're not paying me, you have no control over me."

We seriously do not view RP as a proper hobby anymore, that's why. There are many factors to that, those are just few, but that's the ultimate answer. It's not seen that way because it's not valued in the same way.

I think much of the problem with muns losing their entire shit over anyone else approaching the hobby differently, dare I say...more seriously, is related to a lot of complex psychology about self-esteem, control, and anxiety. So many people here struggle with serious self-worth and confidence issues, and I think to many of them, whether they realize it or not, when they see serious RPers, they feel like that's an inherent judgment and a danger to their own enjoyment. Because RP, as writing, is a skilled hobby - the more you practice it, the more skilled you become with it. Meaning that someone who approaches the writing seriously is going to be at a higher skill level.

Enter the way we're training to think about writing again - when they see someone who is very practiced, skilled, and confident with their writing, the learned idea is that they're somehow superior in a nasty, personal way.

I most certainly do not think that makes it alright, it isn't, and I'm not very tolerant of it.

It's absolutely alright to engage with RP in any way you see fit. If that's extremely casual, it's a minor hobby for you, that's great! I'm so happy you're enjoying yourself, and I mean that in no facetious way. But not when that is the only form of it respected and accepted. It's just as alright to have RP as your primary, serious hobby!

The only way we can all enjoy a hobby with such great variance within it is by respecting each other's variables, not by vilifying them. It's recognizing that, no matter how much you enjoy the mun and/or muse, they're not engaging with the hobby in the way you are, it's not a good fit to write together. (Please, begging y'all to be friends with those who are different, not enemies, shit's sake. You've not got to write together to be friends!) Instead of labeling them and being hateful. Different =/= a threat.

And, to go off a bit lol y'all demonizing serious RPers really don't get that there are some intense tones of ableism and more going on in that narrative of yours, huh?

Not that anyone requires a reason to be serious about any hobby, but when people pick a hobby like RP as their primary one...you should probably have the maturity to consider why that is. Could it be that they focus on a hobby they can do from their homes and that requires low physical involvement, and has a degree of separation from direct socializing, for a reason?

Serious RPers tend to be limited in their ability to pursue other hobbies. Mental and physical health, region, finances, and ability to spend time outside of the home are all very common limits for those who "take RP too seriously/are addicted to RP."

Maybe take five seconds away from your own issues to consider that the person you're shitting on for something so minor as a difference of importance of a hobby might be the full-time caretaker of a special needs child, having to remain home and on a very small income. They might be chronically ill or suffer from agoraphobia. They might live in an area with no hobbies of interest, affordability, or at all...or they might live somewhere that is incredibly dangerous for them.

I honestly do not know where these people have been that they've been aggressed at by serious RPers, but that's usually the excuse. (I'm not saying it has never happened or does not happen, before anyone goes there.) The idea that serious RPers are extreme elitists who are demanding that other muns do what they do, how they do it. That they expect other muns to be online and RPing all the time, that they be "available for entertainment at all times" at the cost of real-life matters. Having the expectation that threads not be dropped constantly or that a writing partner not leave for months with no contact is neither of those things.

In over two decades of RPing across almost every platform type that has existed, I have literally never seen that be either a singular RPer-type problem or one that serious RPers are even more likely to deal in. I've seen the opposite, actually. Which is not a condemnation or a statement that all casual RPers do this, just what my experience has been. And one that actually stands to reason based on the way they view and engage with RP - quick replies, quick entertainment, and very low commitment to threads, muses, or other muns. Of course, it's annoying to them when a more serious RPer is unwilling to do rapid-fire style quick, short threads from an ask with them, but is writing the lengthy replies they already owed instead.

That's probably a factor as well, in here among a plethora of misunderstanding/unawareness of differences - for many serious RPers, it's not easier and more fun to write short, quick threads. So, what a casual RPer is seeing is that they're willing to put all this extraordinary effort into a massive reply to someone else while their easy, fun, quickly done thread is waiting in line.

Misunderstandings and unawareness breed hostility, period. And there is a hell of a lot of those things in the RPC.

What serious RPers are expressing are either boundaries/expectations or frustration. Not a demand that you be around all the time, but an expectation that you leave them alone if you're not also a serious RPer who will be committed to threads and muses. Not hostility and elitism, the frustration that it's already difficult to find muns who will work out before you add in the majority rule of casual RPers.

It's incredibly disheartening, frustrating, and honestly, a bit anxiety-inducing to constantly be the weird one, always have few choices, and to be at risk of being Problematic purely because you take the hobby seriously. You can't vent without someone jumping on your ass to remind you (even if you said numerous times that "real life comes first" and "people can do what they want") that omg, people have lives, people can do what makes them happy, it's just RP.

It's so upsetting when you think you might have found a good writing partner, then, you see a PSA they've reblogged about how it's a "hobby, not a jobby," and "no one owes anyone anything, ever." Excuse me, as that last one is a direct quote, let me redo it so it is verbatim: "no one owes anyone here anything - EVER !!!"

I said I wasn't very tolerant :)

But seriously, exactly what you've expressed is why I'm not...it's another form of controlling others instead of trying your best to control your own experience, and it's often extremely hateful. I'm not tolerant of anything like that, it's no longer supporting preferences at that point. When your preference is the only one that will be tolerated in the community, it's not a preference anymore.

It's something that makes others feel isolated, afraid of harassment, and depressed. It is a hobby and it isn't supposed to make you feel like that!

And, no, absolutely the fuck not lol the "answer" to this isn't that you're taking it too seriously and need to take a break. I'm so tired of seeing that shit tacked onto RPH responses and vents and PSAs. You're not saying that RP is making you feel this way, "just take a break and come back when you agree with everyone else" isn't a solution.

Of course, if you do feel like your time here has become so upsetting? Yeah, obviously, you should try to find some other things to supplement your downtime that make you feel happier again. Engage in some other forms of writing just meant for yourself, or that can be published as fics. Spend some more time on a game you enjoy for a while, or get invested in a new one. Learn to shape bonsai or make no-knead rolls. Whatever would make you happy as a hobby when you're not here.

Other than that, however, well...we're not going to be implying on this blog that you're too serious and need to take a hiatus until you have no emotional investment in your hobby. That's insane. I'd not say it about hiking, martial arts, dog obedience competitions, hobby farming, or painting either.

I wish I could think of some solutions as to where you could look that wasn't like this, but it's definitely the majority of the RPC. It doesn't help that, due to this, serious RPers have a tendency to quietly stick together and not venture out into the RPC. They're just not incredibly easy to find.

I will say that they tend to be:

novella - if you're not here for serious RP and sticking around for a while, you're not going to invest the time and energy into particularly lengthy writing

older RPers - I would say that twenty-five is probably the youngest, with early thirties to late forties being the majority

in fandoms with a large adult base of fans - even if it's a franchise friendly to, or even meant for, younger fans, if it has a particularly active adult fanbase, it's a better chance of finding serious RPers in it

as above, old fandoms - fandoms that have been around for a long time tend to have more serious RPers in them

fandomless OCs - tend to have a higher chance of being written by serious RPers than canons or heavily fandom-involved OCs

RPers who do not do a ton of advertising for their muse(s), but when they do, they don't advertise them based on activism points or trends

slightly more likely to not have an emphasis on highly aesthetic blogs, graphics, icons etc. - they use a modified basic tumblr theme, low on graphics, their aesthetics are not on-trend, for example

anti-content policing/"write what you want" style muns

muns with more extensive rules pages - they plan to be here for a while, they take writing, RP, and their muse(s) seriously, so, it's a bit more important to them to head off problems before they start

those with older characters/FCs - be that literally in age or the character being one that has existed for a long time

"stay in your lane" style muns - if they're opining on fandom or the RPC, they must really be angry about something

those with numerous and detailed headcanons - for example, their response to a HC meme ask like, "what's your muse's favorite ice cream flavor?" is going to be treated seriously, not simply answered with "mint chocolate chip because my bby is gross"

As usual, not a complete or perfect list. I don't fit some of the things on there! It could give you some things to look for when trying to find other serious RPers, though. It's based on observances from someone who was never a casual RPer, even as a minor (me, obviously), and maybe it could at least keep you from continuously running into hostility about your approach to RP.

I've honestly considered making a list of some sort expressly for RPers who are on the more serious end of the spectrum, but...in a RPC back when things were dominated by serious RPers, I did that sort of thing with a RPH I had, and it still got labeled as being a list for and by Elitists. I don't know that anyone would want to put themselves out there for potential harassment on tumblr, you know? It was a joke then, just having a group of RPers label you as an Elitist. Here, you get told to kill yourself, and none of us need more of that shit, right?

Try to hang in there, Anon, I know it's upsetting, and I'm so sorry that something fun has gotten to be like this.

Try to understand that these people are coming from a place of irrational defensiveness, often in response to bullying themselves at some point or feeling bad about themselves. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it easier to not take to heart.

And keep at it! In my experience here, once you find a group of people you fit into, it really is...A Group. Especially among RPers who are ostracized, they stick together, they promote each other, and they're very happy for their mutuals to become your mutuals. Once you find them, it unlocks so many opportunities for the interactions and type of RP you've been missing!

#answered #anonymous #serious rpers #rp problems #rp advice

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inkofamethyst · 4 years

Text

October 25, 2020

Hello, I’m currently struggling to binge watch all of my orgo 2 lectures for this unit before my exam tomorrow (...yes, past me was really not thinking this whole thing through, I know (and present me ain’t doin’ so great either)), but I’d like to take some time to just journal about my dancer-friend’s birthday gathering.

For the sake of, idk, something, there were only seven of us (me, dancer-friend, dnd-friend, cello-friend, a semi-friend-acquaintance-person who intimidates me because she’s so intelligent and is in The Discord Chat, another semi-friend-acquaintance-person who also went to my high school (I think I’ll call her my bioE-friend), and my dancer-friend’s boyfriend who will soon need a name of his own (perhaps my journalism-friend? Idk we still at that acquaintance level but I can’t keep reducing him to my dancer-friend’s boyfriend lol) (my puzzle-friend and photo-friend weren’t able to come)) and we were all spread out an wearing masks in my dancer-friend’s basement except when we were eating. Three people had been cleared for covid and the others were (I assume) participating in best practices and such.

So I think I mentioned this once before, but I made my dancer-friend a cape for her birthday for a few reasons. 1. I’ve wanted to make the American Duchess cape since April. 2. Sewing is a great stress-reliever for me. 3. Sewing things for other people makes me feel all nice on the inside. 4. When I asked her if she was interested, she said yes! So I got her measurements yesterday after having basted the majority of the cape’s pieces together and soon found out that I needed to redo a ton of it. I used a tightly-woven satin for the lining and a cotton flannel for the shell, and after letting them hang for a few days, the shell warped a ton and the satin hardly at all. By yesterday, however, so much had already been sewn that I was limited in my options when it came to fixing it up. Instead of taking the cape in at the seams of the shell like any normal person would, I did something really weird that caused puckering mostly on the inside and at the little armpit-like areas where the wraps attach to the sleeves. Lesson learned: think before you sew lol. It turned out pretty well and I was technically able to complete it, but due to covid I couldn’t do a fitting or anything, so I’m sort of just hoping that it’ll fit in the back. I should be able to fix it if it doesn’t, but ~due to covid~ it’ll take a bit of extra maneuvering. Anyway, it looked like she liked it a lot!

The gathering was so great. I really needed something like that to bring me back down to earth after my anxious freakout last week. We reaffirm, once again, my friends do not hate me or necessarily think me any more awkward than they are, and if they do, it’s not a turn off. I don’t know why this is so difficult for me to remember. Since my dnd-friend isn’t going back on campus in the spring, I told them all the story of how ~I almost got swept into a cult~ (that was, of course, the clickbait title) my freshman year. It’s funny actually. My bioE-friend (who I really need to talk to more because she’s actually a great person with incredible drive but we just didn’t run in exactly the same circles in high school (though we were both in marching band, she was in the concert band above mine)) actually asked me today if I could explain to her what I was doing on the bottom floor of the student union one day when she and my dancer-friend happened upon me in one of the Bible study sessions. Apparently it has been on her mind for nearly a year lol, and she thought I was meeting with an advisor or something, and she was curious. A perfect segue into an abbreviated version of my story. My journalism-friend immediately wanted to hop on and publish something about the group, but I had to let him know that 1. I know that they’ll continue hounding students even if I were to go public with something like this, 2. I personally don’t bear any ill-will toward them and would rather not defame the group, and 3. one church of the organization had taken a newspaper to court for defamation and won, so I’d really just rather not have to do that. Frankly, having this semester away from campus has been decent for allowing me to re-center again, you know? Anyway, I don’t think I can tell that story to too many more people lol. I think this is about the extent of the friend group that can know about that particular experience.

And my story presented an opportunity for my dancer-friend (president of the swing dance club) to tell us about the weird vibes between the sing dance club and the ballroom dance club. I’m not going to say much more about it here, but it’s a little bit... odd. I do plan to check out the ballroom club because I think it might be easier for my feet to handle (with Lindy Hop... my feet just don’t do), but I’ll have to keep an eye and an ear out for weirdness haha.

Overall, it was really fun! It’s honestly so weird how much expression we’re showing with our eyes now! And so many of us were talking with our hands (which, to be fair, is something I’ve done for at least few years now because I’m just so darn animated)! What a strange timeline to live in.

As for critiques of my social behavior (I want to just get them out now instead of letting them chase each other around my head as I fall asleep), I really only have one! It’s the whole know-it-all thing, but I think I’m beginning to better balance it out by asking questions and not just, you know, spewing out knowledge so that all may know of my intelligence. And also,, I just need to learn when to let opportunities for such a thing slide, you know? Again, I need not display my bigbrain at all times.

Today I’m thankful that I was able to see people!! I’m thankful that the AD cape turned out at least half-decent (will she notice the imperfections... who knows?)!! I’m thankful that I can speed up my chemistry videos!! And I’m thankful that past me was at least smart enough to attend the guided study session meetings on Tuesdays and Thursdays (with a fairly attractive GSS leader, I might add (though there are three ways to explain his attractiveness: 1. exclusively explained by the fact that I’m attracted to his intelligence, 2. he’s actually just legit attractive, or 3. both!!)), because that means I have at least an idea of what will be on tomorrow’s exam.

Wish me luck!

Next weekend I have another gathering to celebrate my cello-friend’s birthday, so I’m going to have to figure out something to sew for him. It’s likely going to be far less complex.

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mattygraygubler · 5 years

Text

our campus: chapter 8 (tom holland fic)

summary: frat!tom and reader go to the same college and y/n is tasked with being his tutor, they don’t really get along at first (because i love reader and tom hating each other trope)

warnings: drinking, drinking, more drinking, mentions of sex

word count: 2.6

a/n: sort of a cliff hanger at the end???? we’ll see what happens!

as always texts are bolded

for a list of characters click here

to be added to the tag list send me an ask !

masterlist

✰✰✰✰✰

You slowly opened your eyes and were immediately confused. You were in your room, but you felt someone’s arms around you.

You drank almost an entire bottle of wine last night, so needless to say, you didn’t really remember anything. You didn’t think you slept with someone… But did you?

The body groaned, but you still couldn’t figure out who it was because the lights were off and blackout curtains closed. You pushed their shoulder a bit and heard a british voice say “Whaa?”

“Tom?” You asked incredulously.

“Good morning, darling,” he said. His voice was raspy and low, so incredibly sexy.

“What are you doing here? Why are you shirtless, where are my pants?! Did we- ohmigod tell me we didn’t…”

“You don’t remember?” He asked and you shook your head, still very aware that his arm was around you and your legs were intertwined. “Relax, we didn’t have sex, love. We just hung out and then watched a movie and fell asleep.”

“Then where’s your shirt?” He laughed.

“You’re wearing it. You were cold and wouldn’t let me leave the bed, so I gave it to you.” You bit your lip, very uncomfortable. It was one thing to sleep with someone and not remember it, but to spend the entire night cuddling? You weren’t a couple, who does that?!

“Oh. I’m sorry.” You said and sat up, untangling your body from his.

“What are you apologizing for?” He asked.

“I mean… I’m your tutor, we’re just becoming friends, it’s weird for us to-to sleep in the same bed together and-”

“Y/N, slow down. We’re friends. It’s really not a big deal, totally platonic. I mean, c’mon, you’ve never slept in the same bed as Kyle? Or Emily?”

“No, I have…” “Then what’s the big deal?” He asked.

“I guess there isn’t one…” You replied. Tom swung his leg over the side of the bed, stretching and getting his stuff together. You couldn’t help but watch his back muscles flex when he stretched. You wanted to run your fingernails along it.

“I gotta take care of some stuff, I’ll see you later today?” He asked. You nodded.

“Sure, I’ll see you later. Wait, Tom!” You said before he could walk out the door.

“Yes?” He turned back to look at you.

“You’re, uhm… You need your sweatshirt back.” You started to take it off.

“I’m only going down two floors. You look comfy anyway.” He said and smiled at you before walking out.

You lied back down in bed, picking up your phone and checking the alerts. You scrolled through all the drunk texts from last night, laughing at a lot of them.

♡girly girls♡

GUYS

whaaaaaat em

GUYS GUYS GUYS

em what happened

NOTHING HAPPENED

YET

CHECK THE WEATHER REPORT

You rolled your eyes and checked the weather report, unsure of what she was referring to. It was the first weekend in February, so you weren’t expecting your weather app to show you a 100% chance of snow starting in a few hours and lasting until Monday night.

THATS RIGHT LADIES

SNOOOOOOWWWW DAAAAYYYYYY

Y/N we’ll be over at 9 to play games, iz you and i are goin to grab the booze, em youre in charge of food

You

what am i in charge of?

dont you have homework? plus were using your room, we can take care of all the stuff

are we inviting anyone else?

thank you for asking i would love to invite harrison

im fine with that if i can invite cal

Cal was the nerdy boy from delt who Isabelle was seeing. It was really low key, they’d only gone on a few dates, and things hadn’t gotten physical yet.

Y/N! invite tom and we’ll make it a total delt nite !!!

You

yeah ok ill invite him. were gonna be studying anyway.

wow i expected more push back

You

were friends now, it wont be weird. its not like its a quintouple date

it is if one of those delt boys has a gay sister

not interested. besides i doubt more than 7 people can fit comfortably in Y/N’s room

You

fine ill see you guys tonight.

You hopped in the shower, putting on a pair of leggings and a cropped sweatshirt. You decided to text Tom.

You

hey so it looks like its gonna snow i was wondering if we could work at my place instead?

also ive been told to invite you to our game night tonight

Tom

interesting, because i was already invited

what took you so long Y/L/N?

You

sorry i was in the shower

Tom

likely story

but yeah that sounds great ill see you in a few hours

A few hours. That’s plenty of time for you to put your glasses on, earbuds in, and really focus on your homework.

* * *

You were pulled from your law reading by a knock at the door. You opened it, seeing Tom in a soccer tee shirt and gray sweatpants. His hair was wet and he ran his fingers through it.

You hoped he didn’t see the fact that you bit your lip, but you couldn’t help yourself. He just looked so incredibly sexy.

“You look... “ His eyes scanned your body and you immediately wrapped your arms around you, insecure.

“What?”

“No, you just never wear stuff like this in front of me. You’re always so put together.”

“Your point?”

“You look cute, that’s all.” Tom said and walked into the room. He thought you were cute? No, you needed to calm down, he’s the biggest player ever, he didn’t mean anything. Just some accidental flirting.

“I brought tequila, Harrison said it’s your favorite.” He said and dropped his backpack on the floor and put the tequila on the table where you kept your booze.

“That’s sweet of you, thank you, it is my favorite.” “Really? I thought he was joking.” “No, why?”

“You’re just… you’re really something else, Y/N.” He said with a laugh.

You grabbed your notebooks and started the session, you checking his homework, him redoing the mistakes, and you answering any questions he had about the material.

“You’ve definitely made an improvement,” you said as you finished reading his essay on the power shifts in England from the 1600s to today.

“Thank you? I think?”

“You’re welcome. You’re almost there, but you’re still not incorporating this source correctly.”

“That’s because that source makes no sense. The writing is so convoluted, it’s mental!”

“Then why don’t you find a new source?” You asked.

“Well… I thought I’d be easier if I just stuck with this one.” Normally you would have rolled your eyes at that, but instead you found yourself laughing.

“Read it again,” You said and handed him the library book he was using as his last source, “And if you still can’t understand it, I can explain it or we can just find a new source.”

You grabbed your own book, Rage Becomes Her, which you were reading for your Women, Politics, and Public Policy class, and started highlighting right where you left off.

You both got lost in your books, highlighting and annotating in silence. Every once in a while Tom would stop to ask you about a particular passage.

It was another hour or so before you both heard a knock on your door. You got up to open it, and as soon as you did Emily burst into the room, Harrison right behind her holding three pizzas.

“TOM!” Emily said and tackled him in a hug. “It’s so good to see you again!” “I didn’t realize you two had met,” you said and helped Harrison with the pizzas.

“Just once,” Tom said with a laugh. He made himself comfortable on your bed instead of the floor, Harrison took a seat on your comfy chair and Emily made herself comfortable on his lap.

“I better leave this unlocked,” you said. “I would offer you guys a drink, but Isabelle and Ally are-”

“Did someone say something about a drink?” Isabelle said, pushing the door opened.

“What’s up bitches,” Ally said and put a bottle of wine, svedka, prosecco, and a 30 on the booze table.

“How long do you guys anticipate this storm lasting, because that is a LOT of booze for 7 people,” you commented.

“Lighten up, babe, it’s not like we have to drink it all tonight.” Isabelle responded.

“Better to be safe than sorry.” Ally said with a mischievous grin. They greeted the others in the room when you heard a knock on your door.

“I heard there was a party happening here?” Cal said as he pushed open the door. You closed it all the way behind him so no one else could stumble in.

After everyone introduced themselves to each other, Harrison said “So what does everyone want to play first?”

“Oh, you’re new.” Ally said. “See, we kinda of have an agenda.” “Is that so?” Harrison asked. Emily kissed his cheek. “Tell me more.”

“Well the first time we had a snow day, we took turns picking our favorite games, and then we just stuck with that formula. First is A which means kings,” Isabelle said. “Then Emily, which means never have I ever. Then me, which means truth or dare. And then Y/N.”

“And what does Y/N pick?” Tom asked.

“Y/N picks poker, of course. But most of the time were too drunk to get there.” Ally said.

“Yeah I really got the short end of the stick there. It’s a good formula, though.” You replied and grabbed a deck of cards and a beer.

“Let’s go, boys and girls.” You said. Everyone sat in a circle, the beer in the middle like you were worshipping it, and you spread out the cards in a circle around it. You saw Tom and Harrison exchange a look across the circle.

“Something wrong?” You asked.

“Well… Don’t judge us, but we’ve never played this game before. They don’t have it in England.” Everyone else laughed quietly at Harrison’s statement.

“It’s easy. Everyone picks a card, and each card has an action assigned to it. Ace is waterfall,” You said.

“Two is you, so you pick someone to drink.” Isabelle said.

“Three is me, so you drink.” Cal said as you went around the circle explaining the rules.

“Four is floor, so the last person to slap the floor loses.” Emily said.

“Five is guys,” Ally said.

“Six is chicks,” You said and the circle started again.

“Seven is heaven, so last person to touch the ceiling drinks.”

“Eight is date, so you pick someone and whenever one of you drinks the other has to too, for the rest of the game.”

“Nine is rhyme, so you go around the circle saying words that rhyme and the person who can’t continue the rhymes drinks.”

“Ten is categories, so it’s the same as nine but with a category of something, like animals.”

“Jack is never have I ever.”

“Queen is questions, so the next person who answers a question they ask drinks.”

“And finally, king is the ruler, so you make a rule that everyone has to follow until the next king is pulled.”

“Make sense?” You asked.

“Not one bit.” Tom responded.

“You’ll get the hang of it, I promise it gets easier.” You said. “Al goes first.”

“Why?” Harrison asked.

“Gay goes first.” The four of you said in unison. The boys looked scared. They had no idea what they had gotten themselves into.

“One last rule. First drink is a shot of your chosen poison. After that, you can drink whatever you want.” You explained as Isabelle gave each person a shot glass and the handles of hard liquor were passed around.

“Four,” Ally said and everyone slapped the floor except Tom and Harrison. Harrison realized first, so you watched as Tom downed the shot across the circle. He tensed his jaw after, which made you wet already. When he saw you looking at him, he winked at you.

Your turn was next, so you quickly pulled a card, a six, so you and the other girls did your shots and then began to pour yourselves your chosen drinks. For you, that was a second shot of tequila and then a rum and orange soda.

“Two.” Isabelle said with a grin. “I choose our kings sponsor, miss Alexandria Park.” Everyone whooped as Ally dramatically took a sip of her beer.

“Five,” Cal said. The boys took their shots, except Tom who took a sip of his beer.

“My turn then?” Tom said and drew a card. “Eight. Which one is that?”

“Date. You pick someone and for the rest of the game whenever one of you drinks, the other has to too.” Cal explained. Tom looked around the circle, but you already suspected who he was going to pick.

“Y/N,” he said. “Would you care to be my date?”

“You’re exhausting, Holland. What, are you trying to get me drunk or something?” That shut him up, right as Harrison said ‘seven’ and everyone reached for the ceiling except Tom, who groaned and complained about having to drink again.

Cal was the one who finally popped the beer and had to chug it. You put the cards to the side and everyone held up ten fingers, already ready for never have I ever.

Things started off innocent enough, with Emily sharing that she had never peed in a pool. By the time you all went once and it was Harrison’s turn, he made things more interesting.

“Never have I ever slept with more than 15 different people.” You and Tom were the only ones who clapped.

Harrison rolled his eyes. “Jesus fucking christ, it’s like you guys were made for each other.” He commented. Your face got red, which Emily noticed, so she went quickly next.

You finally lost, getting rid of your ten fingers before anyone else. You were always a bag of secrets, and Tom found himself learning more and more things about you he didn’t know. Like that you had a tattoo, or that you’ve gone skinny dipping, or that you’ve never had a gin and tonic.

You were all wasted, that was clear. Isabelle was in between Cal’s legs on the floor, leaning her back against his chest. Ally was lying on the couch all by herself, upside down. Harrison was in your big chair with Emily on his lap, and you and Tom were on your bed, you lying on your stomach and him sitting against the headboard.

“Isabelle, truth or dare?” Cal asked.

“Dare,” she said, looking back at him.

“I dare you to ditch your friends and come back to my room with me.” He said.

Isabelle shared a look with all of you before saying “Sorry guys, I’m not one to turn down a dare.” They grabbed the half-drunk bottle of prosecco on their way out.

“Al, truth or dare?” Emily asked. This went on until Ally passed out from drinking, still upside down.

“We’ll get her home.” Harrison said. He picked Ally up as Emily collected their stuff and bid you and Tom good night. You both sat in silence for a few minutes, when Tom’s phone lit up.

“Do you mind if I chill here for a while? I’ll stay on the couch if you want to go to sleep, but Harrison just said him and Emily want some alone time and her roommate is home.”

“Of course, I don’t mind.” You responded. You stumbled off the bed, going to pour yourself another drink.

“Ok, Y/N.” Tom said, moving so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Truth or dare?” You turned to look at him and saw a dark look in his brown eyes.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss me.”

#tom holland imagine #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #frat!tom

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kvltprince · 5 years

Text

I was tagged by the lovely @leporidaefluff (Thank you! it was the push i needed to get started on this instead of just going oh~ neat~!)

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same. Sorry if anyone has already been tagged, no obligation. @ heathie on whatever acct cos im a dumbass an i miss your bois(you miss em too), @randomwordsandstormydays, @randomfuzzbunny, @jornaquinn @chrysocolladawn ( @somewhere-withoutyou if you would...) and anyone else who would enjoy doing this. (if i get tagged again ill do anther oc. i would tag a few others but i feel weird tagging ppl i dont like ever talk to lol.)

What is your name?

"Lucy Grandchester, yeah that one.”

How old are you?

“Fourty-five unless you are getting nitpicky about cryostasis. That doesn’t count unless I am joking with a ghoul, honestly.”

What do you look like?

He lets out a small half chuckle, "Oh, we are doing this okay. I’ll bite. Slightly short middle aged punk, long greying curly hair, undercut, with one leg and too many tattoos?”

Where are you from? Where do you live now?

Lucy uncomfortably takes down his hair and redoes his messy bun while sighing and becoming a bit short. “I’m from just the other side of that irradiated water near that gas station south of here. Name kinda gives it away. You have seen it? I honestly am not sure how it’s standing still between the bombs and everything else. It’s looked after now, and is a surprise asset to still have. I lived in Boston for a while after all that, and back in this area once Nuka World was opened, then back in the Boston area, and would you look at that I am back in Nuka World and it is a lot more comfortable now.”

What was your childhood like?

"...Unstable, for everyone. It got a bit better once my parents were dead... are we done with this line of questions? Or am I excusing you?”

What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

“Well, I started out trying to play nicely vaguely with anyone that didn’t try to shoot me first. That.... hasn’t stayed how it is. At least not fully, though i generally play nice until I am given a reason not to. I am friendly with the Disciples, the Operators, several of the Children of Atom groups that haven't irradiated their sense out of their heads yet, the Railroad.”

Tell me about your best friend.

He finally visibly relaxes the rest of the way after that history business, and takes a drink of a quantum. “Oh only one best friend? Are we in high school again? aw Alright. We have some parallel histories.” He swirls the glowing drink, but doesn't let himself get lost in his head too far. “Great humor, puts up with my shit somehow, doesn't blow my sneaking. Laugh that could take on the world even though they probably wouldn't. No I am not spoiling who I decided on. A man has to have some secrets somewhere and mine are in short supply”

Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

“My son Shaun never ceases to surprise me with what he can come up with, and how well adjusted he is. Codsworth is still helping out with the household, and helping keep Shaun from disassembling live turrets while I am away, though now he is living here at Fizztop with us. Surprisingly it seems to be an alright setup, and Shaun has taught a few people some upgrades in their downtime. There is enough room to keep things comfortable, and I have done some park remodeling since I arrived. My closest companions that don’t hate my choices I have made I consider family, but that has become a smaller circle than before.”

What about a partner or partners?

“Gage of course, he is my husband for whatever it is worth in the wasteland. Otherwise I suppose that depends how you are defining that. I am an affectionate person and some people seem to have rather strict definitions of where the edge of friend and partner should be”

Who are your enemies, and why?

“Several people aren’t speaking to me very well at best after I have settled into the Overboss seat here, on a personal level. The Pack were wiped out. The Brotherhood were wiped out. The Institute were wiped out. The minutemen are pretty pissed understandably. The Gunners still show up in vertibirds sometimes and are still pretty fun target practice. My settlements are generally comfortable, and my outposts mostly only have problems with gunners or trappers. Minor annoyances.”

Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

“Yeah, of course. I think they got too headstrong for their flightsuits. I mean I understand but you really can’t do that shit and expect no repercussions. It was quite a firework show honestly, I wonder how far away the heat was felt..”

What about The Enclave?

"I don’t know much about them, only one of their ex-soldiers, he didn’t exactly tell me much. Cute, a bit odd. Not sure if it is the radiation that did that or not.”

How do you feel about Super Mutants?

He has a flash of a pensive thought drift across his face “There’s a few that aren’t so bad. Obviously the FEV isn’t mass-curable though, so not exactly much of a choice what to do about them unless you like getting a rocket launcher or a nuke in your face.”

What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

“Proobably~ around Bunker Hill, It was just, A Lot. That whole time was not just the specific fight. I don’t remember a lot of it, I’m pretty sure Gage half dragged me home after the main running around and meetings after the fight. I don’t think I had a full thought for a while.”

Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

He thumb points to a sniper rifle leaning against the wall “Yeah, too often, thankfully usually I see them first, and I’ve gotten the sneaking thing down. They make pretty good steaks.”

Do you like fighting?

“Sometimes, honestly. Something tired and overstated about old habits or something boring. Really though, it is exciting and keeps the boredom away. Playfighting and sparring will do, no need to draw blood. I guess. Good to keep knife and sneaking skills sharp however you can.”

What’s your weapon of choice?

“A modded real sharp Throatslicer she called it, I swear Nisha found this thing in the loading dock or something it is the nicest box-cutter I have ever owned. Opens up anything.”

How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

“Outlive everything around me usually by not being seen, notice it first, shoot it faster, stab it more, talk my way out of it, or by luck. I have zero real idea, but I can eat nearly anything and I bet that helps too.”

Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

"Of course, there are a bunch, and I was ushered into 111 to turn my life upside down. They seem to only be any good for salvage, horror stories, clean water sometimes, and if you are real lucky a trade post and a shave. I have a settlement vault that is doing well that I have taken over and built up, but that is not Vault-Tec related, obviously.”

How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

“I have a few recipes that are good for radiation, though it doesn't affect me very badly overall and I am slow to feel any sickness. I suspect that one day I will turn into a ghoul.” He is rather matter of fact and unbothered by this, and hints that he knows that not getting sick much from radiation means just that.

What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

“Probably the stags and gazelles and other herd animals. They are overall unchanged other than most have two heads now, they are still nice to watch”

What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

“Honestly? radscorpions? Those fuckers are too quick and you cant shoot them cos they tunnel and they knock you on your ass and poison you and just UGH”

How do you feel about robots?

"Robots are alright if they are not causing trouble. Some of them are nice. Jezebel is not so nice, but she is guarding red rocket and bitching the entire time so shes no longer my problem. The Rust Devil’s robots are a pain in my ass for real.”

How many caps do you have on you right now?

"Plenty.”

Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

He cocks his head slightly “I havent heard that one in a while. Depends on the flavor of Nuka Cola, I do like Sunset Sarsaparilla though, if you have any.”

Do you do chems?

"Not recreationally anymore. No, not because of him.” He nods toward Gage “It just, gets out of hand”

Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

"Not as often as you would expect, I mean obviously there is the ‘oh i remember when that wasn't destroyed’ of things, but things are more comfortable than I thought they could be”

What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

His eyes narrow slightly “I don’t really do regret. Things were done the way they were because it was the choice at the time. A choice now for an old situation isn’t helpful to living my current life or my old life. I am not living then, I am living now.”

What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

“Surviving all of this, and myself. Creating this strange semi-stability in this post apocalyptic place.”

What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

“Keep me and mine safe, happy as we can be, and I hope that my found-family never fully stops growing. Curious what the future holds for my raiders and friends, there is so much potential, it could be risky but it is there. For once it is a good solid place to be, and it’s mine.” Lucy polishes off his questionable as hell drink with a smile.

#lucy grandchester #oc interview #this is a bit messy but hey thats fine #longpost #wow no wonder it took so long

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curlyshyy · 5 years

Text

New Apartment and the same anxious energy with a while lotta guilt and regret :) (A short story by me)

I love that when I’m too lazy and sad to pull out a journal I can come on here cuz no one looks at this shit. Why do I event still have a tumblr?

The last two nights have been rough for me, as I think new happy events trigger my brain into being sad and hating myself? Of course it’s nights where I’ve had to open the bar at 9 AM the next morning. I suppose that’s the first reason I hadn’t been able to sleep. I hate my job low-key. I once loved Alamo Drafthouse. Adored it even. Then moved to this shit hole in Norrh Richland Hills which is the furthest from the Alamo way, and I’m not valued. I feel like a fuck up everyday. In a lot of ways I am. I’m functioning with severe anxiety and most people don’t know or understand. I do stupid things when I’m having a panic attack, and these managers judge me hard. But here’s the thing I know in my heart, even when I hate myself, I’m a good worker, I’m kind, and will do anything for my coworkers and will eventually get really good at this job.im dedicated to say the least. I think that’s what matters most but for now they just see me as a fuck up, slow learner. I work my ass off though and they don’t see it. If I could work every second of everyday. Ifthis shit hole wasn’t trying to cut everyone’s hours cuz they’re not making any money, i’d work myself into physical exhaustion, like I’m so good at doing. Thats the only thing I can feel. It’s my only escape and I hate being there. This is a little dramatic. My life has been improving, and yes I know I need therapy. We been knew. My ass was anxious at 5 years old. Anxiety is truly hell, I wish I’d just force myself to hurry up and get help, and I wish I wasn’t poor. I wish my mom had saw how fucked I was and made me get help as a kid, but she did the best she could. Could blame the bitch but like, she has a hard enough time accepting and coping with her own mental illness. She hardly acknowledges it. That must be hard to lie to yourself everyday, and say that you just have to choose happiness.

The reason the last two nights have been shit is cuz I stayed up dreading going to work and being there all day and I hate the fuck out of mornings and waking up before noon. Which is why I like closing and usually have night shifts. Since the fucks cut my hours I gotta take what I can get though. I need a constant distraction at night cuz my brain is literally scary as fuck. I can’t even tell anyone about 95% of it. It’s so terrifying. So I usually distract myself with my phone. But I was like “hey, brain I know we’re anxious af and sad, but can we go to sleep?” To which my brain replied : “Remember this event from two years ago? Haha you’re a terrible person.” Then my body physically stiffend, I felt physically ill and my head ached and all I could do was think about past mistakes and everything that makes me a failure and bad person. Typical manageable anxiety for me at this fucking point, I’m just not gonna be able to sleep and I know it. Then I remember an old friend, I used to work with at Chili’s. Javi. Literally one of the very slim parts of the things that I don’t block out and cringe hard about when it comes to chili’s, are our times together. I block that shit hard. I mean just thinking about me in this time frame is enough to make me believe I’m terrible. I wasn’t right. I regret literally everything about chili’s. That place is a nightmare and probably what hell is going to look like when I arrive. anyways god damn. Javi is this sweet kind angel. We were all struggling at this mother fucking chili’s let me tell you. My dumb ass had just come back from vid con (2017) How did I afford that? I spent my rent money. Also I couldn’t afford to eat for like a week. But YouTube was and still is the only thing in this world that makes my brain feel calm. It’s a safe place for me. And I was dumb as shit. Anyway my dumb ass was already starving before Vidcon and could barely afford rent. :) cuz chili’s doesn’t pay well. So I was real fucked when rent came up and literally considered myself lucky when I found a packet of cheezits lying around, cuz that was a good meal to me at the time. I guess I’m telling my coworkers this and busting my ass all night bussing peoples tables and helping out as a hostess which of course paid jack shit. And I know I’m about to go home fucked another night, and Javi, pulls out the $165 dollars he made that night, and hands it to me. The boy had bills, and worked all night too. Who would ever be so kind-hearted to do such a thing. I of course refused, cuz what the fuck. He insisted. I said I was going to cry and he said “aw don’t cry Sheyenne, or I’ll cry too.” And hugged me. I was also super numb and depressed and wanted to be with Hannah so much, and honestly I don’t feel like I was my best self. I look at that person and I don’t feel like it was me. But I used it to pay rent. Still wasn’t eating and he even bought me food one day. Literal angel. I don’t know or remember if I expressed enough gratefulness. I don’t know if I was capable of expressing it. A couple months later he’s about to move to Idaho, and we have a goodbye dinner, and I figure this is a good time to repay him. I give him $100 which is all I could really do at the time, and try to tell him I think he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. He leaves, and I think we only ever talked one time after that, and I offered to buy him pizZa but never did for some reason? We never really talked again. I alwyas momentarily remember him, but I really have chili’s and the person I was in 2017 so far blocked that I really can’t remember that shit. It’s so hazy. There isn’t a full day I can remember. Just tiny bits and pieces. For some reason two nights ago I remembered him vividly. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt panic and guilty as fuck. Paralyizying guilt. I felt like I should never deserve to enjoy anything ever again in my entire life. I felt terrible. I felt like if he ever struggled to make it or eat, then I should’ve been there for him. I stalked his fb, cuz I needed to know he was okay.

He doesn’t use social media too much. His mom however posts about him a lot. Which confused me because I know they have a strained relationship, and he could have a lot of help from his mom, but I think he resented the help, because they didn’t always get along? I don’t know how fucked she was to him though. What fb told me was she paid for him to come every few months. He has a new girlfriend that he seems very happy with, he seems happy in general. He’s smiling in pics. But that’s social media. At best pictures his moms posting. I felt like I needed to know or I was going to have a breakdown. I don’t have his phone number for some reason, so I snapped him a long message. Usually I’d feel crazy to reach out especially when we Weren’t that close but I just needed to. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t sleep. Then opened at work. The shake machine of course was fucked and I had to put it back together correctly only after shake mix poured everywhere. That’s just my life. Me doing something out of panic, and then having to redo it after looking like a dumb bitch. I truly learn from fucking up. I’m wired so fucking wrong. He finally responds once I’m off work. I read it. It’s not what I need to hear but it’s decent, and proves he doesn’t hate me. He tells me he’s good, but working at Taco Bell, and I know he’s still struggling which makes me sad, but I guess I’ve been struggling to, so I shouldn’t hold myself accountable for not reaching out. I’ve been so poor, and me and Hannah are just now catching up, and taking a breather after 2 years of struggling. I let my mind rest though because he’s alive and he’s eating and has a girlfriend and family who are looking out for him. Until the next night when I should be exhausted from no sleep. The guilt starts eating away at me again. I feel like I shoukdve sent him more money,but after a while I stopped thinking about it because of all that I was going through and that made me feel selfish. I felt that I owed him for my entire life. Maybe I blocked out how much he and his kinda gesture meant to me because anything regarding chili’s, is so far removed, and maybe that super vivid memory, is what I needed to remind me. I’ve also been struggling heavily with my mental health and off and on numb most of the time, so it is possible that I wasn’t as grateful as I could’ve been or at least didn’t properly show gratefulness. So I once again reached out and also sent $20. I really went for it this time. I said I literally need to know you’re okay and happy, and for you to know how special you are and sorry if this sounds crazy dog. Like I must’ve seemed fucking insane but I needed him to know. I don’t know why it was physically paining me so much. Maybe because of all the roommates and so called friends who disappeared without paying rent and left me fucked with no second thought of how I’d eat tomorrow. I just couldn’t bare to think that, He was out there roughing it, maybe Skiping a meal, (like Hannah and I’ve had to so so many times thanks to people who literally could give a fuck less.) After he was there when I needed help. He ended up telling me he didn’t need money, and that he did what he did because he was my fiend, and he even apologized that I didn’t have any friends at the time that would’ve helped me the way he did. He apologized. He told me that I deserved it. That really calmed me. I guess I forgot the good that I did because I just remember the bad. I guess I didn’t think about the positive effects I had on him. That I must’ve done something right for someone to care so deeply that they just handed me that kind of money, after a long shift. He saw that, and maybe he felt he owed me in a weird way. I still feel like I owe him. I wish I’d talked to him sooner. Genuinely good people are hard to find. Who tf would do what he did? Seriously. I am so glad I reached out though.

It worries me though. How small past events can trigger me so hard. It’s a snowball effect. Anxious about work, life, who I am, past mistakes, and it’s paralyzing and hurts my entire body and keeps me from sleep and makes me feel undeserving of a good life or any enjoyment. I really need to get help because it’s getting to an unmanageable point, like it was after I graduated 3 years ago. It scares me that so many past memories are blocked expect for bad ones and bits and pieces. It scares me that, there has never been a completely care free 100% happy period of my life, that lasted longer than a couple days, and now as an adult it’s an even shorter amount of time. Genuine happiness is rare and make men feel pointless. I’m empty most of the time and want things and have the capacity to work hard and achieve them but also feel that I don’t deserve them. I am capable of happiness and some days, I do feel genuinely happy even if it doesn’t last the whole day. My family and Hannah still have a lasting impact on me and even when I’m an unfeeling zombie, I still know love, and numbness makes it hard to feel but somehow not entirely impossible. Little bits of light get through the cracks, and in some ways I’ve gotten better at managing my brain, and I truly don’t want to die or think I deserve to like I once did. The guilt attacks and fears of being bad, and some how accidentally hurting someone emotionally or physically, still fuck my head up because I could never hurt anyone intentionally and feel guilt for any small pains caused alwyas. I wish I could take back many wrong words and hurtful actions done and said to loved ones, but I can’t but it’s okay because they forgive me, so I can forgive myself too. I have to let go of the past.

This really creeped in again because I started to feel excited about a fresh start and our apartment. My brain tries to tell me I don’t deserve it. I deserve to decorate with Hannah, and to allow myself happiness so that I can be happy and enjoy life and be a better girlfriend. I also need to get a new job that doesn’t make me feel like the scum of the earth.

A part from that all I’m feeling a lot better. I’m off tomorrow. I watched Phil’s new video and it made me feel hopeful, proud and nostalgic. YouTube and the youtubers that have been the stand ins for the lack of friends, have comforted me, inspired me, and put my brain to rest, and assured me I’m not as weird and alone as I think I am. That’s why I want to do YouTube. It’s a tough though. Editing takes a lot of time and I want to make things I’m proud of. I want to make music even though I’m bit a musician, I want to keep writing and actually read again like free 12 year old me did. I read and wrote so much then. I want to be that me again. I want to reach other people and help them feel less alone, I want to make a difference and I want to not feel like a failure. I just need to get past all of this guilt and I really think this is the start of that, and my journey to creating.

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aharris00britney · 6 years

Photo

ASKS 11

wip pic, complements ;-;, some meshing questions, and other stufffff

Anonymous said: Would you ever consider doing a version of your Sam and Briana hairs with the halo braid but as a pixie cut?

hehe this ask inspired me to make something kind of similar but not a pixie cut SORRY ;n; here is a pic ; this will be the next speed meshing video/hair

@bluupxels said: what's ur opinion on dance the night away (TWICE comeback)?

I don’t hate it but it is in the bottom 2 for my title tracks ranking for them :( (OOH AAH is the bottom lmao ya’ll hear somethin?) The MV was pretty though and I like the side tracks on the album

Anonymous said: post selfies more often ;)

i never take photos of myself edfhvnb here is a pic i took a few nights ago bc i was wearing the same shirt Lucas had on in some pic of him lmao he just had some sweater over it

Anonymous said: Hey, for your meshing videos, are all the hairs yours? and are they WIPS? they all look great!

yeah they’re all my WIP hairs! I just do stuff a lot earlier than they get released and hairs get released through a voting system so it is kind of out of my hands on which/when hairs get released.

Anonymous said: AHH AJSHFL u are so cute hehe u have a pretty face :')

thank you omg ;n; I don’t think I do but ill take the complement XD

Anonymous said: r u gay? ♡

yes

Anonymous said: Not a question, i just want to say that i LOVE your cc hair's they are stunning <3

thank you so much!!! I am glad you like them <3

@garoto-estelar said: u're one of the best mm cc creators!! pls we need more male hair with bangss

I am super bad at doing male hairs @ayoshi-sims can vouch for me on this omg I am just... not able to do any good ones egdfbv I will try something though :P also ur header is gorgeous

Anonymous said: OMG THE SIM IN YOUR LATEST TUTORIAL LOOKS LIKE FANTINE FROM THE STAGE MUSICAL OF LES MISÉRABLES LMAO

had to look this up but omg the hair looks super similar rgfgbrgfdc

Anonymous said: where did you get blender from?

S4S has them linked but : Blender 2.76 (32x) | Blender 2.76 (64x)

Anonymous said: Oh gosh your content is perfect 💖 really love your blog ~alesimmers

thank you!!!! <3

@lrby01 said: your sims are so prettyyy!! whats your secret?

most of the time i get a random off the gallery and use that as a base tbh, duplicate one of my main 3 sims, or use one of @ayoshi-sims

Anonymous said: Hiya! Would the accessories you made in your newest speed meshing video also work w your Paige and Jennie hairs? Since they have the same headband? Thanks!

I think I moved the headband shape some so I’m not entirely sure, I will check before release though.

Anonymous said: WHY U SAY IN JULY WHEN IT JULY

Anonymous said: You are f*cking perfect! love you

thank you ;-; I am no where near being perfect though lmao

Anonymous said: Sorry of you already are going to do this but will you upload that cute hair from your speed meshing video you uploaded? The half up half down one? It's so cute!!! I love your cc 😍😍😍

depends on voting :( currently I don’t think it will be released in August (there are 4 hairs that have more votes then it). Voting ends the 24th though so go vote if u want it :P

Anonymous said: do u watch reacttothek or like other kpop react channels? seems like ur into kpop haha and they’re my fave

I have seen some of the reacttothek videos!!! mainly just when someone I stan releases something new

Anonymous said: omg how ur soo organized 😂

I like neatness ;-;

Anonymous said: Hi, what's your ID? There I can find the sims that you use for every hair? Thank you <3

origin ID is aharris00britney

Anonymous said: I adore your hairs! I have so many of them in my game and it makes me so happy when I see what you have coming up. I was wondering if you have ever considered converting some of the hairs for kids as well as teens and older? I would love some kid hairs from you. Thanks for all that you do! <3

me and @ayoshi-sims are talking about collabing again and if we do then it will have some kids hair conversions :P

Anonymous said: Does the anathema palette you use for ur hairs have one for eyebrows?

I don’t think so :( not many people use the palette but I use the WMS eyebrows and then someone recolored the CC eyebrows I use in the WMS palette too. Links are on my resource page (which i know is broken rn but links still work)

Anonymous said: hi im sorry but are you a boy? ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

yeah! i am a boy lmao :P

Anonymous said: when i go to your resources page none of the pictures work?

I know ;n; all of my photos broke a few weeks ago (including all 140+ of my download page photos) so I had to change the links of the images from imgur to tumblr and it was a huge mess. I’m not happy with my current resource page so I am planning on redoing it eventually.

Anonymous said: Are you wcif friendly? If so where can I find the fruit choker on your last lovely sim. If not no worries. Hoping you’re having a rad day friend ❤️

@ayoshi-sims drew it on, sorry ;-; thank you btw

Anonymous said: how close are you with ayoshi?

we’re engaged, wedding in winter

Anonymous said: let me just say I love the kpop references like the Minnie hair cause kpop is my spirit animal but anyways I love you

yasssss

Anonymous said: f(x)?🧡💛

yeah i went to the funeral, what about it?

Anonymous said: So I just watched your speed mesh video and found myself wondering, what is the purpose of using edge split? I'm currently learning blender and though I've googled for various explanations, I'm unsure of what it achieves in terms of TS4 meshing.

sometimes when you remove doubles from the entire mesh, it makes weird shadows (you can see them in solid mode) that are super dark. Edge splitting gets rid of them without causing a seam to show in the mesh

Anonymous said: Wow, I've never sent an ask to you but I thought I'd just send some love your way! Your an amazing creator and I love that you take your time with each one of your creations. I love your edits and they inspire me to do better with mine! I love that you not only do straight hair but also curly, wavy and braided hair! Your sims are so beautiful and so are you! I always look forward to your cc too! :) Hope you have a great day/night!

thank you so so so much omfg i really appreciate it!!!

Anonymous said: hope this doesn’t sound rude, but why don’t you just release all the hair? I don’t know much about making custom content but it looks to me as if they’re finished, but I could be completely wrong of course. I was basically just wondering why you choose to do it this way if you don’t mind me asking :-)

I am trying to make sure I have enough to release if college gets super busy and releasing 3 a month is enough to have a pretty good amount of 36 hairs a year. Wasn’t a rude question at all btw :P

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD YOU'RE ADORABLE Anonymous said: omg you are literally the hottest thing ive seen all day and its 100 degrees outside *heart eyes motherfucker* Anonymous said: ur cute

i choked at these omg XD thank you

#asks #SOMEONE TRADE ME A SHINY LUGIA IN POKEMON GO OMFG #i found someone who was willing to trade a shiny snorunt for it and i dont have the stardust so she said that she will trade me it in 30 day #so i gave her the snorunt bc like i dont care snorunt is ugly #but i want a shiny lugia now ;n; so if u already befriended me and we have a high level then ummm #gimme

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hopevalley · 6 years

Note

Within reason ( I have to preface this because the writing of this show can be truly abysmal at times) - what is the logical drama or challenge Lee and Rosemary are facing this season? Pascale has gone on to say we see a softer, more subdued side of Rosemary this season which makes me think it's something that is going to take more than one ep to nut out.

Earlier, when I was working on getting pages up on my website, I was working on an article that briefly talked about whose families we’ve seen or heard about:

Jack’s (met all living direct relatives)

Elizabeth’s (met all living direct relatives, even Aunt Agatha)

Bill’s (heard about his son, met his ex-wife)

Abigail’s (heard of her husband, son, a father, a grandmother, and a large family)

Lee’s (heard of, we know his little brother died young)

Carson (heard of some; met both sisters-in-law)

Frank (heard of a grandfather; actor talked about his parents in an interview too)

Rosemary (briefly heard of her father)

Clara (heard of her family, husband)

Jesse (mentioned them once but it might have been a lie)

Faith (mentioned her mother was a nurse, and an uncle who runs a quarry)

Anyway, the post I was redoing for the site was a theory that Theo, Rob Estes’s character in s6, might be one of Abigail’s mentioned brothers.

But that just reminded me of all of the characters whose families we don’t actually know, so when you sent this message in, that was the first thing to pop into my head. Lee has already lost a brother; might he lose a parent, too? Or will it be Rosemary who loses someone? We know her father is/was(?) a Mountie. It’s also possible a parent gets deathly ill and they have to go be with them; that takes a toll. Or a parent dies and the other has to move in with them; that can be even more difficult to deal with, but for very different reasons.

Anyway…

Logical, somewhat reasonable considerations for a Lee/Rosemary plot for S6:

Internal family drama (Lee still wants children and she doesn’t; she loses a baby; she can’t get pregnant even though they’re trying; she hits menopause early; she gets pregnant and doesn’t want it)

Health issue (depression, anxiety, or one of them is diagnosed with a health problem: for example, a weak heart for Lee (he’s often stressed) or tonsillitis for Rosemary (fear of surgery and how it might affect her singing voice). It could also be any kind of physically limiting injury.)

Personal issue (Rosemary giving up the stage, Lee giving up on having children. Rosie is the one without a steady dayjob, so maybe she needs something new to keep her occupied…)

Broad family drama (death in the family and/or in-law moving in and/or contact from unwanted family member.)

My personal pet favorite is Rosemary deciding to give up her dreams of having a theater in Hope Valley, either because it just feels too far away, or because the money is tight and she knows she doesn’t really need it. I love it because the first plot to spring to mind afterward is that she could definitely have a sweet plotline with some of the children, especially Emily, where she decides to teach theater and dance so that she doesn’t feel she has to give it up entirely…

Better yet, she still gets her theater (so that the kids can perform in it!) for a sweet and heartfelt ending to the episode.

It also has the added bonus of kind of flipping the script on something Rosemary said a long time ago: that those that can, do, and those that can’t, teach. I’ve always hated that phrase, and I hated it even more when Rosemary said it. Her discovering that 1) it’s not true, and 2) there’s a joy to be found in sharing your passion with others and helping them learn it… It would be a beautiful little bit of growth that would do so much good for her character. I get excited just thinking about it! (I can dream, can’t I?)

Did you have a favorite/thought to share/idea for a plotline for s6? Let me know if you do. There are so many possibilities it’s hard to even guess what kind of story Hallmark will choose to tell. With Elizabeth having had a baby, it’d feel weird to have a baby plot with Lee and Rosemary, but since there’s a baby around it also feels like a topic that would come up? So I guess narratively a really involved baby-having plot would feel like “too much” but the discussion of children and whether or not to have them…that makes more sense and feels like a more sound narrative choice.

(Hey Hallmark… PST. HIRE ME.)

#i screamed at the way you ended your message by the w ay #it was so funny i almost lost it #truly magnificent and out of nowhere #when calls the heart #lee coulter #rosemary coulter #rosemary leveaux #answered mail #anonymously asked #character studies and information #Season 6 Spoilers #season 6 shenanigans

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painfulstitches17 · 6 years

Text

The Fires of Spring

4. Playing games.

Sitting back to the wall, not far from the dimly lit door, Bandit took his first sip. He was instantly reminded as to why Smoke was never trusted with chosing alcoholic beverages, it tasted awful, but it probably was a strong brew knowing the man. Drinking was most likely not the greatest decision he could make as of right now, not only because of how messed up he felt, but because he had to see his therapist the next morning. Doc pushed him to get an emergency appointment once on base and he had lost the courage to fight back. He'd already been under 'surveillance' since Hannover, as he liked to put it.

What could he possibly say ? Unbalanced individuals were a liability when your job consisted of holding a weapon in your hands, depending on the gravity of the illness. He was suicidal, too coward to do it himself, and he just tried to jump on three enemies alone and expecting it to fail. He knew why he felt this way, Doc had his idea and he wished the rest of the GSG9 wouldn't catch on, not for now at the very least. His world was at risk.

He was three beers down when the door to the roof opened. Bandit had been expecting Smoke for a while now, both of them didn't know who was the most surprised when it turned out to be Jäger opening the door, who instantly sighed, please God have mercy.Jäger marched towards him, the last thing Bandit wanted was a redo of the 'conversation' they had this morning.

"Smoke told me he saw you go up to the roof with two packs of beers and that you looked depressed."

"And he told me we'd drink a few beers together after he gave back his latest report." Bandit managed to blurt out.

"Sounds like we got played." And with that, Jäger took a sit next to him picking up a beer from the crate then opening it. Neither of them looked like they knew what to do, the growing silence was slowly becoming uncomfortable. Laying his eyes on Jäger, although anxious by doing so, Bandit's heart started melting again, it had felt like a lifetime in a day and as much as he hated Smoke right now, he was glad to have Marius back at his side. Crossed legs in dark joggings, his arms lazily resting on his thighs as he was fidgeting with his bottle, the sleeves of his undershirt rolled up, looking into the horizon, Jäger was trembling. He couldn't believe it was the same man who was screaming at him earlier today. Bandit wanted to touch him, whisper his name, kiss him. Sounded like the beer was talking, or maybe he was listening to his heart for once.

"Marius" hesitation suddenly struck as their eyes met, the words struggling to get out of Dom's throat "I thought you'd prefer to stay away from me for a while."

Marius' eyes felt like they were piercing him to his very core. "Well, I'm not going to let you drink alone. I doubt James is going to show up any time soon."

Was that it ?

"You know what, let's play a game Dominic." He looked serious. What kind of game could two grown men play while drinking beer on a roof ? Especially after such an argument ? Probably one he wouldn't like very much. "I'm going to- No, we're going to ask each other questions and we have to answer honestly. No bullshit Brunsmeier" Jäger lifted his drink, waiting for an agreement.

Bandit was reluctant. He couldn't think about anything positive coming out of a 'game' like this one. Jäger was most likely trying to get something out of him, right ?Couldn't he do the same thing then, get a few doubts out of his head in return ? He pushed his drink against Jäger's in agreement."I expect you to be honest Dom, I won't lie and you shouldn't." Bandit nodded. What had he gotten himself into ? "Guess I'll start. Why are you depressed Dominic ?"

"Hannover, most of it. And Cedr-" he stopped himself, the name couldn't get out, it felt like he just burnt his tongue. Jäger probably understood anyway. So much for keeping it a secret. "How was your life before you joined the army ?"

Jäger laughed. "Fuck, I wished you wouldn't ask me something like this ! You already know my uncle so that's not new. I uh, I was doing fine in school but... I felt pretty lonely. My uncle was and still is great don't get me wrong, though most people didn't get me and even when they kind of did, nobody had such a passion for machinery. Maybe an obsession. I ended up surrounding myself with dubious people at best. Fortunately I didn't keep them in my life for long. I turned out fine afterward, don't you think ?"

"Yeah, you're alrigh when you don't open your mouth." Bandit couldn't help but poke fun at him, smirking.

"You're being mean now." The smile Bandit received reignited the flame in his stomach. "Why did you do that ? Why did you go on your own without telling me ?" He wasn't laughing anymore.

Bandit feared the answer would break him, but he had made some sort of promise, right ? "I don't really know what went through my head Marius. I..." He suddenly felt like running away and never coming back. "For fuck sake, I hoped it would go wrong. N-not the mission I mean... That it'd be my last." He saw Jäger's shoulders slump, he was taking the answer in. "You wanted me to be honest right ? I'm sorry. Truly, I'm not just saying what you want to hear. Please forgive me."

The way he was being looked at... "I do forgive you. Don't do something stupid Dominic, please. You're not alone. I want to apologise too, I almost hurt you..."

Bandit put his arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, you weren't wrong you know, I can be an idiot. Do you still feel lonely ?" The need to hold him tight was strong, do more.

The soft smile on Jäger's face was reassuring him. "No, I'm fine. I've got plenty of people to talk to now, you're one of them. I only feel it again when I'm depressed but it fades away after a while." Did he just press himself against Bandit ? The alcohol must be stronger than usual for Marius. "Dominic... You're not going to like this but," Jäger sighed "what exactly happened in Hannover ?"

The terrible question he made sure to never answer for years. Could he even find the words ? There was a slight nausea rising along his anxiety, Jäger was right, he didn't like it, he hated it. "Around that time, my mission was coming to an end, we had far more information than we had bargained for. My colleagues were surveiling the area, getting intel, the usual. One night someone fucked up, the gang caught a cop. It was my brother. We were both confronted." He stopped. It was hard getting the words out.

"You can stop if it's too hard for you Dominic." There it was, the pity. Was it really ? Jäger was the one saying it, he could trust him.

"No, it's fine. It's funny because I almost freaked out you know, I did this for four years and all of a sudden I couldn't get my shit together. So he did what he could, insult me, pretending we loathed each other. Anything that could save me, he said it. How much of a fuck up I was, how our parents would be disappointed after I disappeared. They weren't true, he was talking to ■■■■■■■, the man I played not me, but I sure did become a piece of shit. I got instructed to torture himMarius." There was a pause, Jäger looked like he had seen a ghost. Should he stop, was this too much ? "I did it. Worst thing I've done in my life, and we've killed. I don't remember much of what happened afterward. I know that our colleagues had to intervene but it's a blur. The last time I saw him he was in a coma. I've cut all ties."

"Dominic." Jäger had sighed his name again. He suddenly felt lighter, if for a moment. "I'm sorry you had to go through this."

"I chose that path. Feels like I'm still paying the consequences but I knew what I was getting into, somewhat." He squeezed Jäger a little bit. "Thank you."

The heavy silence that followed was hard to deal with. They were still against each other and none of them were going to budge. It was Bandit's last beer, he felt fine, if a bit tipsy but nothing major. Jäger on the other hand seemed to be handling it worse than he thought he would. He realized that even when they went out, he never drank much, if he outright didn't. Could it be that he didn't handle alcohol very well ?

"Maybe you should visit your family again." Jäger said in almost a whisper, did he not want it to be heard ? "I doubt that's a good idea Marius, not after what I've done." Bandit stared as Jäger drank the rest of his beer in one go, then picking up another one. He should stop him. "You should think on it. I'd go with you even."

Dom couldn't help but laugh at the proposition, making the other frown. "It's my turn isn't it ? Have you ever been with someone Marius ?" Red to the face, he looked so damn cute that way. Was Bandit being inappropriate ? He could always blame the alcohol if his curiosity was ever questioned. "I had a girlfriend years ago, for what ? Six months ?" Jäger scoffed. Bandit's heart sank, he should've known, of course his friend was probably as straight as a board. He got pulled out of the trainwreck of his thoughts as he felt fingers trace the bones of his hand. Jäger was looking away. "If I can be honest, I didn't like it. She was nice, a good person... But it felt strange, you know ? I never tried again. I think I know why."

"You can tell me if you'd like, If you trust me enough." Jäger was laughing again, he looked increasingly worse, he should snatch his new beer away. "I trust you Dominic. I do. I've always felt different, I tried to push it down a long time ago. How old was I ? Fourteen ? Being weird was more than enough so when I realized that... That..." he stopped. He was holding Dom's hand now. "That I was gay I preferred not acting on it. I've convinced myself it was just a phase for so long." Relief, selfish, selfish relief. Bandit had a terrible idea, terrible. How could he possibly resist ? "Have you ever kissed a man before ?" The question made Marius visibly wince. "N-no." His voice was so quiet all of a sudden. It didn't felt right, should he do it ? "Would you like me to kiss you ?" The nod he was met with made his doubts disappear.

He pressed his lips against Jäger's, it was divine, even better than he had imagined. His hands slid down to the other's waist, keeping him gently in place against the wall with his own body. Their kiss went from gentle to more passionate as Marius put his arms around Dominic's neck. It felt so right, like it was meant to be.Their lips pulled apart to grasp much needed air before meeting again, their grip even stronger. They finally broke contact after what felt like ages, Jäger panting and Bandit longing to go at it again, using his tonguesounded nice.

"Is that why you were treating me differently ?" It took some time for Dominic to concentrate on the words that had just been spoken to him. "Yes, absolutely."Jäger looked suddenly confused.

"I love you Marius." ___ Chapter Index.

#rainbow six siege #r6s bandit #r6s jager #r6s #jager/bandit #bandit x jager #fanfiction #fanfic #PainfulStitches17 #the fires of spring

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sketchesandnonesense · 7 years

Text

I’m

not sure how I’m doing tonight

it’s not great though

I just feel kinda tired and numb

and i feel like I bring it upon myself

I don’t honestly know if I have depression

I still haven’t properly seen a psychiatrist or a therapist or anything

probably never will

I’m too scared

because there’s two possibilities

either A. I genuinely have a mental illness I may have to take meds for and deal with for the rest of my life trying to recover

or B. I am not actually mentally ill at all and I’m just a fat lazy waste of fucking space.

and both scare me

I hate feeling like this

I hate feeling guilty every time I’m genuinely happy

I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy

I keep taking it easy on myself trying to ease the pain but everything still hurts

getting out of bed is near impossible before 3 in the afternoon most of the time

I just feel like there’s nothing worth getting out of bed for

I keep sleeping because my dreams are more interesting and fufilling than my actual life

I know I’m never going to accomplish anything great

or even vaguely interesting or successful

I don’t have the drive for that

I don’t have the ambition and self-dicipline

any good qualities I have are only there in short bursts

I’ll suddenly have one good day where I get everything in my room cleaned and vacuum and make my bed and I’ll end up hating myself because wow I could have used that energy to work on something actually worthwhile or wow I could have done this at any time but only now I decided to not be a piece of shit go me

I appreciate the help I get and the encouragement from friends but it never feels like it’s helping enough

I’m taking it easy on myself, I’m trying to get into routines, I’m trying to take care of myself

but it’s hard

and it’s worse when every time I fail I beat myself up more and anytime I go easy on myself I beat myself up over that too because I don’t deserve it

I don’t deserve anything I have

my life is so good and i’m just wasting away my days glued to my laptop or my bed

I’ve even been eating less recently. My appetite is barely existant anymore but I force myself to eat because I know I should.

once I start going days without eating, people will get more concerned. then intervene. then I might end up in a hospital.

and I can’t have that.

it’d cost too much money

I wanna stop being a burden, but I can’t manage to get myself out of bed half the time.

more and more I keep thinking that if I just minimize how much I eat and maybe keep everything in my room off more, I’ll cost less to have around. I’ll be less of a burden, since I still haven’t even tried to get a job at any of the local hell holes.

and my art’s going nowhere fast.

I’m too much of a lazy shit to put together a proper professional art blog and to redo my commission prices

and last time I went job hunting for concept artist gigs online I ended up abandoning the venture within a day because I choked and didn’t respond to either of the possible employers I found because I’m a worthless ball of anxiety

I can’t do anything right

I just

I want to die so badly

but I’m too chicken shit to do it

I’m too chicken shit to even hurt myself

even if I tried, I’d put in failsafes incase I changed my mind. leave an obvious note and plan it so my family might find me in time. stuff like that.

do I even want to die

do i just want attention

because I’m so fucking pathetic and I don’t get enough somehow even with how much I worry everyone that cares about me with even how much attention I get from people I care about it’s not fucking enough for my greedy ass I need more attention obviously

god

I wanna cry

I wish I’d told my doctor about how my depressive episodes and anxiety attacks haven’t let up

how I still don’t feel any different

but I didn’t

I said everything was on the up and up

why did I do that

why did I talk like that

that wasn’t me it didn’t feel like me

sometimes I get these weird bursts of energy n lucidity where I’m overly eloquent and functional and it’s always at the worst times

and i suddenly forget how much of a fucking garbage can I am

god I’m so worthless

maybe if I die now I can still be a tragedy on the 9:00 news

local woman found dead in her home

she was so young and full of talent, what a shame. she probably would have gone on to do great things

but little do they know all my future entails is me festering in my room and avoiding contact with other people

they’d never know.

man I feel sorry for my boyfriend

he never sees this side of me. he never sees my depression except second hand seeing my posts.

when I’m with him, the world seems abit brighter. my heart feels lighter and I think my future might be worth something after all.

but

he deserves better than me

when he comes up to visit he’ll see all of me

he’ll see my ungodly bitchy days, my depression in it’s entirety, he’ll see my anxiety attacks, how snappy i can be.

i wonder if he’ll still be able to love me then.

probably.

he’s so sweet, and caring. he’s the best thing that’s happened to me and he doesn’t deserve having to deal with me.

nobody deserves having to deal with me.

It’s never going to get better.

I’m too broken and scared and I won’t let anyone fix me.

if I can’t do it myself, I deserve to be broken.

That’s just how I am.

I need to prove to myself I’m worth living.

and fucking god is that hard

I started off writing this feeling so tired and numb and now I’m on the brink of crying and my chest hurts and feels like it’s going to cave in on itself and I did this to myself again

Ialways do this to myself I induce my fucking anxiety attacks I make my depressive episodes worse I’m my own worst enemy and I can’t do jack about it so I might as well kill myself because I’ll be better dead in the ground than battling my own mind and hurting the people I love

it’ll be better for them to see me go quickly and painlessly then to pitifully wither away in my bed

make it quick like a bandaid

let them say their goodbyes and unplug the fucking life support

it’d be better that way

but I don’t even know how I’d kill myself

I don’t think overdosing on my meds would do it. make me incredibly sick? yeah. but my family would find out easily and probably get me to the hospital and that has a high potential to save me.

ingesting chemicals sounds like it’d hurt too much.

there’s no good places to jump off of nearby, and I don’t wanna drive out somewhere to find one. and getting hit by a car means there’ll be another person I’ll hurt by making them have to live with the guilt of hitting me.

I don’t know where dad keeps the pistol anymore, so that’s also out.

I think this is the “planning phase” my doctor told me I should call a suicide hotline if I got to this point

but I’m too tired to try and kill myself and I’d need to plan out my goodbyes

maybe leave a creative suicide note

i don’t know

I’m sorry if any of you are reading this and worrying about me

I’m not gonna die tonight

or tomorrow

I’m too much of a lazy worthless shit to kill myself anytime soon

I’ll probably be right as rain by morning or tomorrow afternoon. whenever I wake up.

I’ll just ignore the fact this post exists, accept any sweet messages people sent me, and then go about whatever I was going to do.

like I always do.

It’s disgusting how used to this I am

it’s even worse how I drag you all down with me.

if you actually read through all this, thanks i guess?

more than just skimming, and then quickly going to call the hospital

I’m not killing myself anytime soon

not yet

I haven’t got a plan for that yet.

and I wanna make atleast acouple decent projects to leave behind first. something people can enjoy in my memory n all that shit.

i don’t know

I need some sleep.

#ignore me #went from numb to crying to suicidal and back to numb #whoo #welcome to becca's emotional ride #everything sucks

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