#//trust me. i am aware. i am trans myself

[troublewithvampires-a]

@bxtsence said: 1 (sexuality asks)

(sexuality asks - open)

what do you label your muse as, and how do they label themselves? is there a difference, and if so, why?

//thank you for asking this one, because this is one i actually was kinda hoping to talk about, haha!

so, i label salvatore as a polyamorous greyromantic bisexual trans man (i did originally list him as pan, but i think bi vibes a bit more with him specifically as a label, but honestly i'm not really gonna get into all of that right now because to me personally the minutiae doesn't matter too much. point is, he's attracted to all genders.)

sal labels himself, however, as nothing. he doesn't use any labels for himself for the most part, and in fact he barely understands what any queer labels actually mean. i think he'd call himself queer eventually after he comes to accept himself a lot more down the line, and he may even finally actually consider himself transsexual, but until then if you ask him he'll probably say, "what are you, a cop?"

and this is a bit twofold for salvatore in my intentions. for one thing, i love writing a queer character who doesn't know *shit*. i was joking with a friend recently that there's a good chance that salvatore, at least for a time, thought he was the first and only trans man to exist. that's how much he doesn't know shit. like characters who know themselves super well are all fine and dandy, but i think it's interesting to have a character who doesn't know how to put words to his experiences.

and my other thought is that salvatore gets to be the reflection of the part of me that's kinda tired of trying to label every part of my queer experience. to be clear, there is *nothing* wrong with having a lot of labels or microlabels or anything like that. at the end of the day, if the label serves you and your experiences, that's what matters.

but like........ i'm kinda tired, y'all. part of me likes to joke about being a label hoarder and that's fun, but i'm also like. i just kinda wanna be Just Some Guy. my gender is both complicated and simple and so is my orientation, and sal can be like that too. for me personally, it's not really that useful to stress about finding the perfect labels to define me. i'm just a guy! i'm here, i'm queer, and i'm just a guy.

guess what i'm trying to say is. oh he's just like me fr.

[gatheringbones]

[“I told my mother I thought I might be trans in a lengthy and overly apologetic email, which she didn’t quite know how to respond to. From her perspective, my transition had popped up out of nowhere, with no prior warning signs. She was convinced I had been brainwashed into transitioning, and agreed to meet my counsellor for a joint meeting with me, primarily to meet the person she felt had brainwashed her child into transitioning.

My mother describes her first meeting with me presenting as Laura as very difficult for her, due in no small part to her inability to see me as anything but her very traditionally masculine son in a dress. For a while she knew but did not talk to my father, which she found very difficult. She told me years later that she went through a period of mourning, feeling like her child had died, and that she was left with a stranger she did not know. It put a lot of strain on her, and on our relationship as parent and child.

Why the assumption I was brainwashed? Because of autism infantilisation.

Before we talk more about my journey coming out as transgender, we have to rewind a little bit to something else that went on at around the same point in my life: my diagnosis of Asperger’s. By the time my mother attended that appointment and met me as Laura for the first time, I had already been diagnosed with Asperger’s, which was part of the reason she was so worried about me. She was not aware of any statistical link between autism and gender dysphoria, and in her eyes I was a vulnerable young person with an autism spectrum condition who was being manipulated into transition because I was easily swayed, or lacking in ability to assess my feelings on the matter properly for myself. This is depressingly common: an adult’s assumption that having an autism spectrum condition means you’re incapable of proper self-understanding, or that you’re susceptible to being manipulated into believing things about yourself that you did not previously. You’re not trusted as being of sound mind to make choices about your own life, out of fear you’ve been manipulated.

Speaking to my mother years later, now she has somewhat settled down and got used to me going by Laura and female pronouns, she told me that her biggest fear, and the primary reason she agreed to attend that first joint session together, was that, as a youth with Asperger’s, my therapist was influencing me into believing that I was trans. She feared it was some kind of brainwashing that my gullible mind could not resist the allure of, rather than believing my own account of what I was experiencing.

I also faced this same issue with doctors when trying to access medical support through the NHS. I would have general practitioners, mental health doctors and gender specialists alike raise an eyebrow when I acknowledged my Asperger’s diagnosis, and then proceed to take plenty of extra time asking me lengthy questions about how my autism symptoms manifested, to ensure I was of sound enough mind to make permanent choices about my body. Apart from the obvious infantilisation of people with conditions like Asperger’s on display there, I always just explained it as being like the decision to get a tattoo. I am an adult, over the age of 18, who has been deemed sober and mentally sound, and as such I have every right to permanently inject colours into my skin that may never go away. Why should I not be trusted to take slow-acting meds that are somewhat easier to reverse? Still, the fact I had to fight to be believed that I was mentally sound enough to make that choice says a lot about misunderstandings about autism spectrum conditions, but highlights that to assert that transition is unique in the permanent nature of its change to the body is completely inaccurate.”]

laura kate dale, from uncomfortable labels: my life as a gay autistic trans woman

[chainmail-butch]

I only experience transmisogyny within a very narrow set of circumstances.

I'm loud. I'm masculine. I'm fat. I'm muscular.

I'm also a leader. When I speak, my voice is heard. When I speak, my opinion is valued. In my boots and my armor I swagger through the world with my chin up and my shoulders back. In short, people very rarely smell the tranny on me. If they do, they assume I'm a trans man.

In my day to day life I benefit from masculinity.

Transmisogyny happens to feminine transwomen. It happens when they claim their feminine gender. It happens when they step into a feminine role within public society. Transmisogyny happens when you assert your womanhood in a way that the transmisogynist can understand.

Most people don't understand my womanhood.

I don't need most people to understand my womanhood. As I've said elsewhere, it is unreasonable of me to expect a cis person to understand who I am without a lengthy explanation and at least one book. I'll enforce my pronouns all day, but respecting pronouns and recognizing gender are two different things.

I experience transmisogyny only when I need to be recognized as a woman. This, therefore, happens exclusively in queer spaces. It happens behind closed doors. It happens on dating apps. It happens in intimate moments when I let my guard down.

It happens when someone is capable of recognizing me as a woman.

That is not very many people.

Most of the transmisogyny I experience is, in fact, self-inflicted. No one is more aware of the "pervert man trying to invade women's spaces" narrative than I am. No one is more aware of the actual cis men who pretend to be trans butches in order to hit on young lesbians than I am.

In my head, there is a daily war. Desire fights propriety. Pride wars with humilty. Self-defense battles with self-expression. I wrestle with my own recognition of my own womanhood until I'm bloody and exhausted.

Like so many of my sisters, I am Guarded. Selective. Afraid. I must wade through the morass of myself before I can offer my womanhood to someone. Consequently, I have a lot of time to think.

Is intimacy worth it? Is trusting you worth it?

Is it worth it to take my armor off for you? Is it worth it to let you hurt me in a way that is so uniquely painful that the scar will stay with me for the rest of my life?

No. It's usually not.

Do I experience transmisogyny? Yes. But I don't think I experience it in the way most would understand it.

[coyoteprince]

Some thoughts on the masculine side of my gender experience and how it ties into vulnerability

I am nonbinary, I believe some flavor of fluid, but I just read as a goth cis woman to the layperson. That's fine and good, there is a safety and privilege in being stealth even with the alternative way I dress, but there also feels like a safe with something precious I keep locked away in me.

I take comfort in referring to myself as a "woman with a man's personality" and likening myself to a kelpie or nymph: beautiful, soft, but merely a vision of a woman: in reality underneath the gossamer, a beast that fails man's words.

Occasionally, something stirs to life in me, similar but different: those feelings of masculinity. I am naturally positioned by my genes (I can grow a shitty sparse beard) and temperament to have some secondary features- but thats it.

And yet, when the pangs of longing ache, they come on suddenly and harsh and I feel trapped.

There is nothing I can truly do to feel comfortable with the swing of identity. Only shapeshifiting back and forth could satisfy me which is impossible. Yes, I could seek hormones or surgery, but I have decided for now to not for a variety of reasons. As part of that, I've always been rather... defensive and secretive about the masculine part of my identity. I have a secondary masculine name I only allow people I trust to call me, and this dumb tumblr post is the first time I'm admitting some rather personal things to the public eye.

I'm well aware today many won't respect the nature of my gender just because I am a ~nonbinary girl~ and not seeking permanent transition, but even before that the thought of being trans was too much for me.

The first time I realized I was trans I wasn't older than 15 and noticed the thoughts I was experiencing about wanting to feel like a boy. It frightened me so bad that I vowed to never give it attention again specifically because I already knew I was queer, mentally different, being abused, and "didn't need another target on my back". Haha. Hahaha

Ignoring those thoughts hasn't been too hard except when I see the ghost of my identity. Then it is overwhelming, like a wave crashing over me and threatening to sweep me into the tide. Painful and exhilarating all at once. Before I know it, it's gone again.

I read and watched The Outsiders in middleschool, as did many. I latched onto Johnny, a greaser kid with an abusive family who tried to play tough but was really just an incredibly scared, sweet runt. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I identified so hard with him but hindsight is 20/20. Despite the hamminess of Outsiders, I continue to hold a fondness.

Later, when I became comfortable with my nonbinary ID (something that was quite difficult for me) and an adult, I saw another ghost. A theme now set: soft hearted greasers. The first time I heard this I curled up and couldn't stop replaying it even though it made my chest ache.

Finally, the last ghost I've seen and what really made it all click for me was Izzy.

I was neutral of Izzy for the first season (sorry my old man fucker peers), but seeing him become disabled and starting to soften made me intrigued. Then, the drag scene and him singing: I yelped in excitement, bewilderment, and bawled like never before. It was the most intense gender euphoria I've ever felt. Izzy shot to the top of my favorite characters ever in an instant with all he grew to embody.

I guess I identify with boys clad in leather, forced to become rugged in all the wrong ways. Underneath, a natural softness terrified but desperate to show itself.

You can see this in Waite, too: A handsome, dark man who is oh so soft underneath. It's no secret that in my story over time he accepts his nonbinary identity and allows his truth to be seen framed by carnations and frill. Perhaps he is what I wish I was.

On the other hand, Degare is somewhat closer to my reality. A gender all his own, effeminant masculine mannerisms, fairly feminine dress, breasts and vagina and all- though he is still often more masculine than how I present. In contrast to Waite's uneasy fear of judgement, he tries to guard his natural softness rather aggressively out of fear of being taken advantage of.

I'm sure to many reading this I sound like a transmasc "egg" that hasn't cracked yet. To others, very mentally ill. Maybe to some who are fluid, they know the wish-washy feelings.

Either way, I'm a proud freak and I've worked hard to not allow others to hold power over how I view myself anymore. These past 4 years through a cocktail of treatments (though meditation and practice have been the biggest game changers) I've diligently learned how to balance being openly loving to all and authentic- yet protecting my energy and staying sure of my identity no matter another's opinion. Misery loves company and bitter, paranoid gossips and I no longer get along.

Softness, kindness, vulnerability for others and yourself are all difficult, at times seemingly impossible things to achieve when you come from a harsh upbringing and live in a world bombarded by bad news. Change in your view and behavior is excrusiating. But I believe striving for authenticity and love is the most important thing we can do as humans in this life.

Whether I end up transitioning down the line or staying as I am, I've learned to cherish these flashes of masculine desire and be empowered by vulnerability- and I don't regret it.

[drill-teeth-art]

A late night, slight retrospective on the tiny amount of Tumblr fame I've gathered that also might be slightly annoying for my audience to read so feel free to skip it if you want.

I started sharing Transformers fanart on here back in 2022, around October. I had been posting art on here for a while before actually but people really started following me and asking about my work and actually reblogging my stuff when I started posting Transformers fanart in 2022. I was in a really low place then, and I really welcomed the attention. My art was and still is something I take a lot of pride in. It's my own. There's quite a few years of my life where the fact I could still draw was the only thing stopping me from attempting suicide. It's something that has always meant a lot to me, so the attention on one of the only things I really liked about myself was nice. It was nice for a while.

But I've gotta say the slight Tumblr fame (and I do mean slight, I've only got around 3k followers which is a lot of people and more than I ever thought I'd have following me and more than a lot of folks will ever have but not like A Ton Of Fame) has wreaked havoc on my mental health. Which is already pretty rough as is. Suddenly I wasn't just some guy making Transformers fanart while desperately saving up to get out of my parents' house. Suddenly I was some people's FAVORITE Transformers artist. Suddenly I was a role model to people and I had people in my DMs clambering for my attention and I had an audience that would cheer or boo or go awkwardly silent at my every post depending on how much they liked it. And it was Not Good For Me. I had and still do have people all over my inbox, excited about how I drew fat and disabled and trans characters asking me over and over to draw some specific representation that I don't want to draw right away. I had and still have people begging me to draw their favorite Transformers character who I happen to not really care about and not want to draw at all. And I am painfully aware how often people take personal offense to my polite "no I'm not drawing that unless it's a commission" and my not answering their ask because I'm not in the mood. I've had people send in asks asking for a specific drawing and then follow up asks when I don't answer in a timely manner. And it's really uncomfortable! And it's almost more uncomfortable that it feels like a lot of people don't even notice that they're making me uncomfortable.

And I like learning how to draw bodies I've never drawn before. I like looking at a character who I think is meh and being like "well actually how can I make them interesting to me...". But it really felt and still feels like my art was getting away from me, like I was drawing more what people were asking me to make instead of what I wanted to because people would take it so badly when I'd say no. I was getting commissions though and I was saving up money to move out so I ignored that bad feeling of getting distanced from my own craft because I was trying so hard to save money and I was actually making some. And I still wanted the attention. Plenty of people were still kind to me despite everything.

Things got weirder for me after I released my Good Bi Gender comic. Which I do still recommend people read I think it's some of my best work. But that comic became a huge hit. And it made things really complicated for a while. I got anon hate. I was told to kill myself by strangers online more than once while I was already deeply suicidal. Something I thought I stated very clearly in the comic itself, that I didn't want strangers calling me "she" though I did and do let my close trusted people call me "she", was immediately ignored by my regular audience and people reading the comic. I got a lot of "you go girl!" kind of messages in response to my comic, and I didn't say anything at the time but it made me deeply uncomfortable. The comic was partly about how the she/her part of my identity is off limits to strangers. How I don't let just anyone she/her me because I work so hard to have the he/him aspect identity acknowledged at all. And it was like what Tumblr decided for me was to go against my wishes. Was to be like "we'll accept your identity for you!" when that's not what I wanted. I did NOT want to be she/her'd by thousands of strangers at the time. And though I'm grateful to have heard the understanding stories of other folks with nonbinary gender identities in the notes, it was deeply humiliating and invalidating to watch as others decided for me to accept the Girl part of my identity. The opening lines of the comic are explicitly a plea to the reader to listen and understand why they're not allowed to use she/her for me even though I'm opening up about the complexities of my identity.

And like. I don't care anymore if people online she/her me. At least I don't care right now that's why she/her is in my bio right now maybe I'll change that. But at the time it was awful. It was something I asked people not to do. And between that and the constant clambering for my attention from people I didn't want to talk to (because I was severely depressed and wasn't looking to make a ton of new friends) and the alienation from my own work I felt like shit. I felt like garbage. I still do. I hate my art sometimes. I really hate it. And for a while, I considered breaking my own fingers just so people would stop acting so entitled to my art and I would have a reason not to post. And honestly the only thing that stopped me was just trying to get by financially. Just watching my follower count and regular notes steadily trend upward so I could do more commissions so I could move out.

And doing things for the numbers, even for a relatively short time, only made things worse. It sounds a little silly even to me, but I get so stressed out when my posts flop, especially if it's art I was really proud of. I'm struggling to detangle my sense of worth in my art from the online numbers game. And I'm proud of the progress I'm making, but it does really suck and it's really hard. And I really wish I was still the same person back in early 2022 who could say "I don't care about the numbers!" and actually mean it because god I WISH I didn't care about the numbers now. Especially now. I dunno if it's me posting more art people don't wanna see or people leaving Tumblr or a shift in the culture of Tumblr but fewer and fewer people interact with my posts despite my follower count ticking up slowly but surely and it kind of bums me the fuck out. But. I am very proud of myself for still drawing the ocs that I want to draw even if they get less notes every time. And even if I'm slightly frustrated they get less notes every time.

I don't really have a neat bow to tie on my personal story right now. I'm still healing and sometimes I backslide and it's hard and it sucks. I don't want to sound ungrateful or to sound like I'm trying to shoo people off my blog because I'm not. I'm really grateful for the attention and interest and I'm not trying to turn people off my art blog. But it's been a rough few years on here. And don't be surprised if you see me take more and more breaks from this website. I do sincerely hope y'all will stick around and watch me continue to post whatever art and say kind things because I do appreciate that a lot. I'm trying really hard to mend my relationship with my own art. To not be so hard on myself. And for the record I don't want any asks telling me to take breaks when necessary or reminding me to draw for me. I appreciate the sentiment, but I already know all that and I personally don't find it helpful to be reminded of things I already know. But anyway. I hope that I will draw more and more of whatever I want to, even if that means I fade back into obscurity.

If you stuck around to read me reflect on the stresses and occasional humiliation of my small amount of online notoriety, then thank you. I appreciate that. And really I do like people looking at my art on here and sharing it and sending asks about my work. And the person I expect to be responsible for my mental health and how much social media is impacting it is Me first and foremost. But sometimes I think that it's important to remember there's a person behind your favorite art blog. And sometimes when you get swept up in parasocial attachment and hype, you kind of treat that person really fucking weirdly. And no that doesn't make you a bad person or a monster. But it does mean you have to learn to deal with it when someone who you might even idolize is like "back off me you're making me uncomfortable".

Anyway. I shouldn't be up as late as I am. A headache has been keeping me up all night. I'm gonna try to rest though. Goodnight.

[mewos-laptop]

I wanna talk abt smth that rlly bothers me, so I'm gonna put it under the cut bc as per usual I'm going to be VERY OPINIONATED and will absolutely not word this kindly. This is my space to be as angry as I want and I will not tolerate anyone telling me I'm being too mean abt this.

Tw for discussion of transmasc erasure and my own experiences with it, mentions of trauma, romance and dating, and me venting.

TERFS and transmasc exclusionists FUCK OFF. I will not hesitate to say VILE SHIT abt you if you comment bullshit on this. /srs

So, I'm transmasc, but generally use the term transmasc and trans man interchangeably for myself irl, bc describing myself as a boy is far easier.

I used to be dating this girl, and she was. A real piece of work /neg, but that's a whole other story. While we were dating she wld CONSTANTLY talk abt how "I wld NEVERRR date a cis man, cis men are SOOOOO GROSSSSS and traumatizing, oh but dw I still think trans men are men", and mind you, she was AWARE that I am a boy. After we broke up, she came out as a lesbian.

If I'm gonna be 100% honest, I see shit like this ALL THE TIME in the queer community at large as well, and it REALLY feels misgendering to me.

Whenever I see sum1 talking abt how gross and disgusting and traumatizing cis men are, but double back and then say "oh well not trans men tho" it makes me feel like less of a boy if that makes sense.

I know that people have been fear-mongered into never trusting cis men specifically, but I just can't help but feel like they're downplaying MY identity as a boy, and saying that I'm "less of a boy" compared to cis guys.

"Oh yeah I only hang out w/ girls and trans men" why are you grouping me in with people who I clearly have expressed I am not a part of ? And why do you express disgust at masculine features *I* want to have ?

Is it because you actually don't think I'm a boy, and you think you're allowed to just disregard my identity because I don't look like a boy ? Because if so, you're a real fucking awful trans ally.

I'm so fucking sick of seeing this mentality expressed within the queer community and within MY OWN RELATIONSHIPS. I'm not a fucking commodity for you, I'm not "less of a guy", I'm not a they/them user.

I'm really fucking tired of being feminized by my OWN COMMUNITY, a lot of the time by OTHER TRANS PEOPLE, for the sake of THEIR OWN FEELINGS.

I'm gonna be honest rn, if you decide you can change my identity as a boy for your feelings, then I don't give a shit abt your feelings. If you decide that you can make me into "girl who wants to pretend to be a boy" then I'm going to tell you that your trauma is getting in the fucking way of your relationships and either YOU need to deal with it, or you need to get out of my life.

I don't care abt your trauma with men if it means you're going to decide I'M not a boy.

[liliumsabyss]

Your being

FEM DNI, I SWEAR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED ESPECIALLY WITH THIS

Viktor(Arcane) x FTM! Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Tw: Mentions of Dysphoria, Mentions of being ashamed for being trans, some self-hate, Reader is on T, Reader is Pre-Top Surgery but is getting it, Needles, maybe ooc Viktor(?), The word trans is never used it is always referred to as “this”(makes sense in the context), Viktor got cured

A/n: HAPPY TRANS VISIBILITY DAY! Yes I know I am a little late on this but I still wanted to put something out there as a trans guy. This fic is based on a lot of my own emotions with being trans and how it’s caused me to view myself but also how I’ve grown from my past views of myself causing me to not be ashamed of myself and just let myself be me. And if anyone wants to hear any funny stories from my trans ass I would be more than willing to share them as there is a surplus. So to all my fellow trans masculine folks I hope you enjoy this fic and I wish the best to all of you!<3

In the midst of pursuing the hexacore and building hextech with Jayce, Viktor had met you, a bookstore owner from the rim in which Piltover and Zaun met. You were far more intelligent than being a bookstore owner would let on but didn’t show it off not even being aware that you had it causing Viktor to take on an immediate liking to you as he would peruse through the bookstore on his way to the lab in the early mornings when nothing yet your shop was open. The two of you had become quick friends and then eventually lovers and then you found yourselves sharing an apartment for what you two tried to excuse as for “financial reasons” even though you both knew it to not be true. Your relationship had been built on trust which didn’t come easy for either of you and yet you had kept something to yourself for all the time you had been together you didn’t know why, you weren’t ashamed of it itself, but you guessed you were ashamed in your mind that it would never be the same after Viktor would know. So it was your secret you kept, Viktor never verbally questioned why would would sleep with your shirt on, why you would use a bathrobe instead of a towel, why anytime physical intimacy started to “heat up” you’d awkwardly would put an end to it, why some days you’d sneer at anything that had a glossy enough surface to see your reflection, why you’d have to stab yourself with a needle full of some mysterious medicine(of course in the beginning he did question that one in concerns of your health and safety) and other attributes that for most men wouldn’t make sense. And you were so thankful for that so you kept your secret you knew it would never last but being with Viktor was sweet bliss so you’d enjoy it while it lasted. However you got a letter in the mail regarding top surgery you had spent years saving up for it your hands shook opening the letter terrified of what the surgeon had wrote and reading it you dropped it on the desk, heart surging, tears starting to well out of your eyes, and a huge smile found its way onto your face. They said yes. They said yes. The approval of the surgery. You’d finally be rid of the flesh on your chest that you so much anguish, the flesh that you detested would be replaced by two scars that would mark your struggle and victory. But as you checked the time you realized you were going to be late opening the shop you quickly stuffed the letter in the desk not thinking much about it running off being sure to lock the door behind you racing down the squeaky hallways.

Hours later Viktor arrived home shockingly early for him, you hadn’t even been home yet the reason he was home is he realized that while working on the hexacore he had some papers in the desk that could assist. He briskly walked over to the desk, his cane letting out soft sharp thuds against the wooden ground arriving at the desk. He opened the drawer and grabbed the papers without a thought rushing back to the lab even though it caused a thrumming pain in his leg. At the lab he slowly sat down in the wooden rolling chair he sifted through the papers reading each one carefully under the little lamp desk till he arrived at a letter confused. He read the first line and his heart dropped. It read your name and the words “ your surgery has been approved”. Viktor immediately stood upwards stumbling forgetting to grab his can but using the desk as support. He didn’t read past the first line but he knew what it meant or at least what he thought it meant. He grabbed his cane hurdling himself out of the lab barely remembering to lock it behind him he headed towards the apartment you both had called home, he knew at this time you’d be there. And he knew you, he knew that you would only get surgery that was essential to you which in his mind left only one possibility you were dying or could die without the surgery which broke his heart. Why would you keep something like that from him, especially knowing that once too he was a dying man. It also hurt him that it felt like you couldn’t rely upon him he would gladly pay for it then and one hundred times over after all hextech did make him and Jayce more wealthy and even then he could emotionally support you, be an anchor if you needed it. He wobbled up the uneven stairs and down the hall of the apartment building quickly unlocking the wooden oak door to your home while still having the letter in hand. Opening the door he saw you sitting on the couch curled up reading a book. He barged through the door slamming it behind him making you aware of his presence.

 “ Hey Vik-“ You started to say before getting cut off by Viktor.

“ What is this?” He said sharply holding up the letter in his free hand giving it a slight shake angrily. Your eyes became as wide as saucers staring at the letter in his hand with fear as you bolted upwards your hands out in front of you ready to explain everything ready for your relationship to be over.

“ Look I can explain-“ You started once again before once again being cut off by the other male quite harshly.

“ How can you explain this?! How can you justify hiding this?!” Viktor responded bitterly, his tongue cutting sharp like knives.

“ I’m sorry I didn’t think it would ever get this far-“ You tried to say before Viktor interrupted.

“ You didn’t think it would get this far?! And what you're sorry you didn’t tell me you are dying!” He seethed out wrapped up in his emotions too wrapped up to notice the confused expression on your face.

“ I'm sorry, what?” You said dumbfounded and in utter confusion of his statement. Only saying this caused him to go on a rant about how could you not tell him and other statements along those lines. You went into your headspace trying to figure out what in the actual hell this conversation was about only to think about it more. Quickly you caught onto the fact that Viktor has always respected your privacy but a he must’ve accidentally come across the letter as it had been in the desk with some of his papers and had read it stopping after the first line for the sake of your privacy but also worry.

“ Viktor,” you started out sternly trying to make your voice as flat as possible. “ Viktor read the entire letter.”

Viktor just went silent his face still held bits of grief and anger but sure enough he looked down reading the letter his face remaining the same till you figured he came across the line “ the consultation before your chest masculinization subcutaneous mastectomy will be held on the date xx/xx/xxxx if you have any concerns or need to reschedule please respond back.” Viktors face softened with realization of your avoidance of being shirtless, or just naked in front of him for that matter yet unreadable as he finished the letter. He looked up at you. You thought you would be terrified and yet you felt relieved but you also felt grief mourning the relationship which you had thrived in wither away because of what you are.

“ I am sorry I lied to you, I'll pack my stuff and stay at the store.” You started remorsefully, your head hanging low, refusing to look at him chewing at your bottom lip in stress. The sound of his cane thumping across the floor matched your heartbeat and when he stopped in front of you the thumping stopped with both his cane and your heart. You almost jerked at the feeling of his strong thin hand that was placed on your shoulder waiting a second to see if you’d push his hand away from your shoulder to which you didn’t he stepped even closer sliding his arm around you holding you against his chest lightly to not scare you. While Viktor was touch starved it was often you who took charge grabbing his hand, pulling him into hugs and kisses all sorts of intimate moments but when he did take the lead it meant something it was his way of telling you that he loved you. And you could tell exactly what he was doing here embracing you gently enough where you could pull away at any moment if you so desired but hard enough where it anchored you there in that moment with him. 

“ You never lied, and I am sorry my love I just worry for you.” The brunette male Sid squeezes you slightly for your comfort or maybe his own.

“ I am sorry I kept this from you but how can you still love me after knowing about this” you said wildly gesturing to your body still in VIktors embrace.

“ Because I love your entire being and this is a part of you so I love it as well.” VIktor stated warmly as if the sentiment was basic logic. But that’s exactly what you loved about Viktor is that to him his compassion, his love was just basic logic yet any other person would actually struggle to empathize and love at his level. And with the statement any of that shame that festered in you seeped out maybe not completely but you at least knew that you didn’t have to feel ashamed of it.

“ I love you so much Viktor.” You said squeezing you arms around him you could sense he flushed at the statemeant while he could say the sweetest phrases that mean ten times more than I love you to other people he himself could barely hear an “ I love you” without flushing and stammering. 

“ And I you. And if you need me by your side I will be there.” He said squeezing you back the two of you standing there in the middle of your home just enjoying each other's embrace soaking in the love for one another. 

[drdemonprince]

Have you read any of Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinhas works on disability? I find her stories especially about activism initiatives and groups like sins invalid but I've been completely thrown off by their use of "femmes" as an umbrella term. I'm worried I might be missing some context on the usefulness of the term because of my white context but ur recent post in response to a question abt womxn seemed like an insightful and confident assertion of the terms limitations so I wondered if you had any advice for navigating the kind of jarring experience of seeing someone use identity language in the pursuit of justice that feels super uncomfortable in its vagueness but being worried that your own internal prejudices might be the source of that discomfort.

It all comes down to discernment I think.

Fundamentally there's a degree of self-trust you have to build in your own ability to pool information and thought from a wide variety of sources, taking what is useful, releasing what is not, reflecting upon what challenges you in a meaningful way, and then synthesizing all of that into a greater understanding of the world that is distinctly your own, without finding it threatening that others are also doing the same thing with what information that they have and will always arrive somewhere slightly different.

I don't agree with their use of femmes. I have seen other activists of similar orientations use "femmes" to highlight the fact that a lot of organizing labor falls onto women, and I get what they're trying to do with the term -- and I think it's completely misplaced and that they'd have a better way of talking about it if their work was more informed by the contributions of transexual people, especially trans women. I think the perspectives of butch people and trans mascs are also largely absent from that analysis, particularly Black trans men.

But I don't expect anyone that I'm reading to be a perfect reflection of my own beliefs and my politics. I am the reflection of what I know and believe, I don't need anybody else to be that, and thus somebody having a slightly differing view or base of knowledge from me is not an existential threat.

Whenever I notice that someone does use different language from my own, I pay close attention to what they are meaningfully saying, and I ask myself whether their use of language reflects a set of biases that skews their overall worldview.

In many authors who use language like "women and femmes," I do very much see an exclusion of butch women, nonbinary people, trans men, and trans women, and a lack of awareness of how being perceived as masculine effects Black trans people. But this is revealed to me by their broader attitudes, the way they summarize and explain social problems, the examples they choose to give, and the overall deeper content of what they are saying -- not their choice of a single term or another. I take a person with a grain of salt if they use that term -- but I still take them.

On the whole there's a lot to be valued within that authors' work. And they also have areas where I think they are less prepared to be a reliable source of expertise. And the same can certainly be said for me. In general I think we need to stop searching for catchall gender terms -- especially those of us who are transmisogyny exempt and/or non Black and distinctly positioned to not really "get" the ways that we're failing at it, and that includes both Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinhas and me.

[punkeccentricenigma]

I recently found your blog and I must say I LOVE YOUR WORK!! It’s so amazing!! /gen!! I was wondering if you could do some Donnie x transmasc reader headcanons please?? No pressure, but if you do ty!!

Relationship status: It can be read as romantic or platonic

TW: Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language.

Author's note: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I was afraid that my writing style and language barrier were taking away good aspects from my work, so I'm glad that you like it!

!!Before reading, I'd like to clarify that I am not a transmasculine person myself, and I am not deeply knowledgeable about this part of the LGBT+ community. My knowledge is based on many articles I found and people I know from internet. So, if I have written something incorrectly or inaccurately, please feel free to correct me in the comments!!

◇Support and Understanding: I think, besides April, Donnie might be your biggest supporter.

◇However, in the beginning, he might have been… a bit startled.

◇Absolutely not in a bad way! It's just that he wasn't quite prepared for such an act of trust towards him. He even considered himself too eccentric (lmao) for something like this.

◇Despite a somewhat insensitive initial response, as soon as you left, he started researching extensively about being a transmasculine person.

◇Of course, Donnie was aware of what trans topic means and some groups under that, but he really wanted to make an effort and not mess up anything, coming off as a total idiot. (I love the headcanon that he's bisexual and non-binary <3).

◇Expect a full PowerPoint presentation on the big screen in their living room the next day. (Please praise him even if you know everything, he gave up his evil plans to take over the world, or at least improve Microsoft, just for you. Plus, he's not very good at understanding your feelings towards you, like your concerns about your body, etc., so you'll have to literally tell him and what he could do).

◇Don has no problem with your pronouns, whether they are more feminine, masculine, or non-personal. However you want to be called, he will respect it, BA! He will even correct anyone who gets it wrong. Leo: "You know, (incorrect pronoun) did something amazing!" BOING! Donnie: "SCOFF! As usual, my idiotic brother, [Y.N] uses [Correct Pronouns]. Say it again, and you'll become my next guinea pig in my lab." Leo: "D:"

◇Donatello is not good with words of support, so his main strength is giving you his more masculine, unused clothes. And you have to admit, he has perfect style! (But never, ever touch his purple hoodie, he'll cut your hands off/j).

◇He also with April helped pick out the right binder for you. However, if somehow each one caused too much discomfort, he personally took it upon himself to make one for you.

◇Giving gifts is one of his strong suits in platonic or romantic relationships.

◇Therefore, thanks to Raph's help (my next personal headcanon is that Raphie is talented in sewing clothes), he managed to achieve this goal.

◇When it comes to testosterone injections, Donatello will gladly take care of it!

◇His laboratory is spotless; not even hospitals can compete with such a gleaming environment.

◇However, if you feel more comfortable doing it at home, Donnie will initially be as stubborn as a mule, but then he'll go along with your choice.

◇But for each visit, he will disinfect everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. Your health is the most important thing for him :D

◇I have a feeling he might joke about transmasculine things with you a bit, but in the way friends usually do. He absolutely wouldn't want to offend you, so before saying anything, he'll ask you or check on public forums if it's okay.

◇It's his duty to accompany you to pride parades. HE WANTS TO SUPPORT YOU AS MUCH AS HE CAN! (Even though he's not a fan of such large crowds.) "Hey, [Y.N]…" his voice was currently unnaturally quiet, causing you to look at him immediately from your phone. "Hm? What's wrong, D?" "I'm proud of you."

◇Donatello would like someone to say that they're proud of him, so he thought it would be worth mentioning to you as well.

◇However, he didn't expect that despite many people around, you would start crying and hug him.

◇Of course, he returned the hug.

[filenetaylor]

40 Years Old; Moved; Threats; Death of Dragoneer; About Filene, Me

[cw: Child Trafficking, Sex Crimes, Genocide, Nakba, Crimes against Humanity, War Crimes, Security, Panopticon, Child Abuse, Commercialized Control, Systemic Violence, Healthcare Violence, Systemic oppression, Death, Grief, Coercive Control, Stochastic Violence]

Bismillah, in the name of Allah'; If you're a minor, you need to ask an adult you trust to read this post instead.

Look no further than the death announcement of the person known as Dragoneer, and you'll find folk promptly celebrating due to one small scandal of virtue or another. None of this compares to the people Preyfar (aka Dragoneer) stood up to, folk who insulate and stop conversations about the Israeli Defense Force's Nakba continuing in Palestine, about the invasion and threats on Ukraine (Feb 4th) which threaten the Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Plant to cause another Chernobyl Disaster as well as the people of Ukraine themselves. He fought those who will turn education about human and reproductive rights into sex crimes. People (like a former president) who have said "Jeffrey Epstein" is a good guy despite being at the center of an international child sex trafficking ring that coerced people in positions of power to becoming his assets and clients. And Dragoneer? He was a kind-hearted, jovial artist (to those who knew him) who was allowed to take over Alkora's FurAffinity project in 2007, as Alkora was already being targeted for scandal. Dragoneer worked internationally as a contractor prior to IMVU's purchase, and in the last ten years, he has fought to keep FurAffinity together despite his own impoverishment.

Dragoneer tried many ways to keep the site going. After FurAffinity was blocked from being paid by the major payment processors, after he changed the content permissions to be ethically and virtuously clean with regards to content and these payment authorizers' tightening rules, and after temporarily allowing IMVU to be in possession of the site's legal entity before Dragoneer purchased it anew, he was without health insurance in Virginia. Virginia, for those of you not aware, has regularly sued people on the USA-funded poverty healthcare option, Medicaid, under claims of bills that should not have been paid. Even though I was familiar with Dragoneer on a first-name basis as he was a long-term acquaintance and friend of mine, Twitter's purchase and gutting by Elon Musk left his reach and visibility erased. I had no idea Dragoneer, my friend, was suffering from a life threatening condition for months, and was repeatedly being failed and deferred by healthcare providers he saw. Of course he would be, when you know doctors also need to be paid by a healthcare system founded on austerity and punitive lawsuits against needy peoples. (This is compared to the President Donald administration getting paid to forcibly sterilize undocumented refugees and migrants. I don't have the link about my Medicaid claim right now.)

And so, Dragoneer died last night. I had found out at 4am, because my complex household needs means I was up at 1:30am. (You'd think merely 'being awake' can make praying the Salaat easier, but it doesn't even as a Queer, Trans, and 2022-recently Islamic Muslim.) I am so beside myself with grief, as I am aware my own father needs 24/7 healthcare and care work but can't afford it. He is the same age as the DoorDasher who humbly needed my help to provide our needed groceries (like toilet paper) that we 'financed' on the exploitative APR credit cards we need to get by. Even if my dad has pushed Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer back to its smallest this year, he still needs help to recover his memory. In my house, we are 24/7. So when followers show up with tags like "im_1nside_your_house", or when I am subject to a "Miscreant In the Middle" attack while at the laundromat, I am as ready as I can be on hours of sleep and gratitude from constant prayers.

He didn't need to die. My dad doesn't need to be nickle-and-dimed for healthcare. And people don't need to go broke paying for health insurance for themselves, their dogs, or the life of their land. If you're as angry about this farcical austerity--treating currency bills like they're invaluable and limited-edition collector's items only fit to be horded ala the Panama Papers--then I pray fellow furries like me and Dragoneer can still do something about it.

In his last tweets on TwXtter, you can still see Dragoneer fighting fascists. I'm no expert on fascism, so let me try to summarize it by the line: "Might makes right." This 'might' being people or organizations employing technology (ala "Djinn," "Egregores," or in this case, just corporate bodies and the 'thoughtforms' employees have) exploiting these massive systems of power to create a lie into reality by the fact their power enables it to happen. Why else can some of the most far-right Israelis feel like they're protecting their homeland, when it only exists in the dwindling darkness of ignorance a Hebrew-only state (no Yiddish allowed) birthed in children? This kind of dark enlightenment is still poisoning us today, even as it is one JD Vance advocates for.

And, today, someone from a popular UNDERTALE world record holder's Discord community found one of the other places I am also combating this international system of exploitation: VANtics. If you think I'm against lies being used to control children, which I am, look to your own television, or your YouTube Kids app. Therein, besides Elsagate and the USA's weak attempts to stop this via KOSA, you will find a surreal INTERNATIONAL normality. This normality has existed since before USAian Cigarette Marketing invented marketing: paid commercial advertisements.

VANtics is my hope to reveal that, not only do non-consentual airing of commercial publications exploit the children who might see them, they exploit the children cast within them. You can see Nickelodeon-network scandals regarding content that unnecessarily and unhealthily pushed child actors to pose for scenes that graphically held on their bodily features that were unnecessary to the plot. Am I using more words than a 14 year old might understand? No, as I was a very clever 14 year old who could not dispel the images, their realism, and the intimacy in their performances in these ads. Who could be OK participating like this in an ad for a large audience? Why would this piece of art be made to be aired when I would see it, to plausibly and intentionally shape my thoughts for a lifetime? It's called "Image Marketing" and executives are as aware of this as the Exxon executives were aware of the problems of climate change.

I had no idea this crossover would happen hours after Dragoneer's passing, and continue to expose the internet-wide exploration, presence, and communities I'm a part of. My act of boldly or humbly living my life as a visible trans* person since 2014 has required me to have faith in higher powers, all the way up to a single unifying Creator: as I've survived multiple attacks completely outside of this SansIsSleeping art project. These attacks aren't merely physical violence, but legal, social, economic, and bureaucratic. The fact I am here today is not just because of my faith in One transcendental Creator (Tahwid) keeping all of this order on Earth quietly operating despite chaos. It's because of people like my spouse. It's because of my children who lead and inspire me. It's because of the community members I've met who wonder why commodity fetishism is a normal and accepted marketing tactic for children. It's because of old friends who still continue to commune with me, and other friends who don't hesitate to help with money, or networking, or other aid. It's because of people like Mari who is also facing a similar healthcare and financial crisis like Dragoneer did. It's because of people like atax1a , aka Alex, who inspire me and teach me by xer own dictionary-like addressing of all the space xe hold. This is just like the Bo Burnham special "Inside," tackling this same topic (and the Outtakes which are great): my inside is outside now, and we're entering a world where "Everybody Knows." This even reminds me of the coercive/puppeteering blackmail-like control that I found suggested by lyrics within a music video composed by Toby Fox but I am soon courageous enough to finally witness. This is much like SnowGrave for me, which I had put off for months out of fear I would, again, be haunted ala the Genocide/Ecocidal ending of UNDERTALE. Does "No Mercy" even cut such a story of increasingly consolidated power choices?

I'm in my final days of work on the architecture of Slumberer Sentinels. I don't know if I will have a complete platform architecture drawn out before I begin, but this is another one of this era's "clarion call" attempts. Just like Tim Berners-Lee believes in a decentralized web rescuing us from this terrorism-technology panopticon, I believe a universal networked system state that Slumberer Sentinels can provide open-source would be an open book all of you can read and teach me from, as the next generation and current generation of experts.

Yes, I'm weird. But I understand consent enough now to refuse power being proof of consent. Perhaps might can create the lie of what is right, but informed/FRIES consent is mightier. Like my welcome new Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz says: it's weird to have this power and say these wrong, revisionist things about living beings. It's beyond weird, it's wrong to claim ability to divine who at our scale deserves to die and live. That's not our job, we need enough of us fools and all living beings alive long enough to learn an unforgettable lesson. We are already living in a time of Genocide, of Nakba.

What are YOU doing?

You're reading this? Thank you. Preyfar, may Ar Rahman Ar Raheem, the Most Gracious and Most Merciful be pleased, and peace be upon you.

Filene "Natalie" Taylor B August 7th, 2024

(v1: got most of the links in there, not all of them, such as a talk Cory Doctorow referred to where "AI" is actually considered Organizations, and their growing authoritarian control is the problem. I think the talk is like, "How did we mess up this bad?" or something)

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hi, feel free to ignore. I don’t know why this is making me panic so much but I’m a writer and I write Sodo being called Sodo instead of Dewdrop, some ghost fans seem to be getting a little mad that he’s not being called Dewdrop and I was wondering why you decided to call him Sodo?

Im unfortunately a chronic people pleaser and this is kind of tearing me apart part, I’m so very confused.

(I admire you very much by the way rat for sticking to your own beliefs and Hc’s and not going against your beliefs to please one person you don’t even know through a screen)

hi!

i believe the reason people get pissy about sodo being called sodo and not dewdrop (bleh) is because the man behind the mask is called the sodomizer and even has a tattoo of the word on his stomach, which leads people to apparently lose their minds because "it's disrespectful" to him by "blurring the line between him and the character" which is just nonsense, honestly.

sodo started out as a bassist, which would make him a water ghoul, so he was named dewdrop because compared to the rest of the band at the time, he was relatively small.

however, he is now the main guitarist. a fire ghoul. i do not see how a fire ghoul would be called dewdrop.

it's even more silly when you realize that papa called sodo that (well, sodomizer, which sodo is a short form of) multiple times. hell, at my own ritual, we were yelling out sodo.

the people behind the ghouls masks are very much aware of what we call them. at least some of them (sodo, aether and phantom definitely) are and they have no problem with being called that. sodo reacts to being called sodo.

fun fact, there was also a discourse about how apparently he's uncomfortable with dewdrop, but from what i've read, it wasn't from him, it was just misinformation which spreads in the fandom at a ridiculously fast pace.

for me personally, there are a few reasons i chose sodo over dewdrop.

one, it's a fucking fire ghoul. i'm not calling a fire ghoul dewdrop.

two, i view switching elements as something similar to being trans. partially because i'm trans myself. calling him dewdrop feels to me like deadnaming him.

three, it's a bit similar to mary goore's pronouns for me. while mary can be a he/they or a they/them, calling mary goore a "he" makes me uncomfortable. calling sodo dewdrop also makes me uncomfortable.

and lastly, i just don't like the name, in all honesty.

in the end, i believe that what he's called will depend on your own opinions and maybe when you joined the fandom, but calling sodo anything other than sodo feels wrong to me, so i'm sticking with that. i do accept asks where he's called dewdrop, but i always call him sodo either way.

if people are getting mad at you for this and making you panic, inform them that this is your choice as a writer and they are free to leave whenever they fucking please. it's your art. as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, you should be free to do anything you please with it. and calling a character a different name isn't gonna hurt anyone, trust me.

the people getting pissed at you probably have nothing better to do with their time. if i can skip a post with sodo being called dewdrop and ignore a post with mary being called a "he", they can ignore your posts/fics if they don't like a name or a headcanon. and if they don't and they seek out drama over something so petty, their opinions aren't worth caring about.

i used to be a chronic people pleaser, too, back when i wrote fanfiction on wattpad. and let me tell you, it made me feel terrible. i was pushing out chapters and publishing pieces i didn't like because people liked them. i was genuinely convinced my work was bad because it made me feel bad to write it.

eventually i decided to let go, completely switched out a fanfic in a way that people hated but also made me much happier. it's your writing and your decisions. other people don't get to dictate that. i'm sticking with my own headcanons because it's my blog. i made this blog. i am the main writer. if you disagree with a headcanon, you can move past my blog and go read someone else's fanfiction.

the best piece of advice that i can offer you, anon, is to remember that you're one of the people you're supposed to please. and the only one that truly matters in the end. if you ever wanna talk about those things, send me an ask on my main and i'll dm you (non-mutuals can't dm me for personal reasons) so we can talk more.

people suck. have fun writing.

- nosferatu

[caecilius-est-pater]

“aiding in a genocide but making progress elsewhere” are you fucking insane? that is the most evil selfish despicable shit i have ever heard. you wouldn’t be reblogging shit like that if it was thousands of white kids being slaughtered. what is wrong with you fucking people??? absolutely disgusting how do you live with yourself

I usually don't dignify this stuff with a platform but I'm gonna make an exception because I'm hoping you or other people who feel the same way can help me out. I have a real, genuine, honest, not-a-gotcha question: what do you recommend I do instead?

I hate this as much as you do. I don't want Biden to be president, I don't want to vote for him, and I am not voting for him in the primary. I desperately want another option, I just don't realistically see one. Since it seems like you do, I'm serious, please tell me what it is.

Is there a revolutionary movement underway that you think will replace our current system of government before November? If so, let me know where I can find out more, I'd love nothing more than to replace our shitty system. Is there a third candidate with a shot of winning who is pro-Palestine that I somehow haven't heard about? Give me their name and they've got my vote. Hell, is Trump actually pro-Palestine and committed to ending the genocide? I might even vote for him.

But with the knowledge that I currently have (again, if I'm missing info, please tell me!) it seems pretty certain either Biden or Trump is going to win and we are going to be led by a genocide lover no matter what the American people do or what we believe. But I believe that Biden will kill and hurt less people, both abroad and domestically (I'm a queer trans brown non-Christian uterus-possessing child of a brown immigrant, trust me I am very invested in the domestic policy differences between Biden and Trump). That's where we're at: who's going to kill the fewest kids? I don't see a "kill no kids" option but if you do, please tell me what it is and I'll do that instead.

Frankly I think the November election is not the thing we should be worrying most about right now. We should be focusing on ending the genocide and supporting the people of Palestine - donating, contacting our reps, raising awareness, boycotting, protesting, etc. That's what I'm doing and where I'm putting most of my focus. Local and down ballot elections are also important.

How do I live with myself? Badly, as every American should. No matter how many calls I make, protests I attend, it will never be enough. But I sure sleep a hell of a lot better than I would if I was a "just don't vote" type (not saying that's what you are, it's just an opinion I see way too often) and gave up the one tiny bit of political power I have to try to make things a little less bad for at least a few people, so that I can selfishly feel better about myself for having the ideological high ground.

But I don't want to do that. Tell me what I can do not to have to. Tangible, actionable, realistic steps to take to prevent this. I would love to be wrong on this. I would love to change my mind and find a better way forward. Please.

[morally-grey-girlbosses]

Alright, I've finished looking into the Mordred situation. The TL;DR is that Mordred (Fate) has been disqualified from the tournament moving forward.

My initial reasoning in allowing characters from across the gender spectrum (i.e. Chara, Nimona, Perihelion/ART) was that "girlboss" is a term some nonbinary and male individuals have applied to themselves, or had applied to them by others that they then accepted. Gender experiences are broad and characters who fail to see themselves as "girls" may still be comfortable seeing themselves as "girlbosses." (Similarly, there are many people who embrace being a girl but reject being a woman, or vice-versa - one of my headmates is among these.

However, the parts of Mordred's story that are commonly read as trans or gender-nonconforming elements seem to reject the idea that "girlboss" is an appropriate label for him. For those unfamiliar with the Fate franchise, here are the bullet points. (Note that I myself am not a Fate fan, so any Fate fans in the audience, correct me if I'm wrong on any of these or missed important points.)

Mordred's description in his Saber form uses he/him pronouns for him in multiple places.

Mordred's description in his Saber form explicitly states that "treating him as a woman" will activate his rage (as will "being too obvious about treating him as a man.")

In the original Japanese, Mordred uses a set of first-person pronouns that, while not explicitly gendered, are usually associated with a masculine adult.

There are multiple instances where Mordred snaps and makes violent threats at other characters for referring to him as a "girl" or "woman."

For the sake of balance, I'll also note the following points against the idea of a transmasculine Mordred:

Mordred's description in Rider form uses she/her pronouns for her, as well as stating (in one translation) that she is avoiding grappling with her identity issues in order to enjoy her time at the beach.

Mordred is listed by the game explicitly in multiple places as being female. Contrast this to other canonically trans or gender nonconforming characters in the franchise, such as the nonbinary-coded Astolfo (whose gender is omitted "at their request") and the canonically transfeminine Leonardo Da Vinci (whose gender is listed as "young girl.")

Other characters use she/her pronouns for Mordred frequently.

I have chosen to exclude Mordred from this tournament because most of the points that support his masculine identity deal with his own image of masculinity, and what terms he self-applies, whereas the points against are generally based in his relationship to others and the frameworks that they put upon him.

In practical terms, this means that Nana Daiba (Revue Starlight) is automatically the winner of Round 1 Match 86 and advancing to the next round regardless of the results of the vote. The loser of Round 1 Match 85, Odin (The Bifrost Incident) vs. Enma Ai (Jigoku Shoujo) will automatically win her first match in the loser's bracket, as there is no longer a loser from Round 1 Match 86 for her to battle. Apologies to the fans of Mordred who read his character as feminine and were rooting for her in this poll. Despite my making this decision, I do not endorse any unkindness to the submitter of Mordred, or those who voted for him.

Finally, I would like to apologize to any transgender or gender nonconforming fans of this poll who were offended by Mordred's inclusion in this poll or felt that it made the poll an unsafe or unaccepting place for them. I was not made aware of the complications surrounding this character's gender prior to the tournament, and had I known I would likely have excluded him on similar grounds. As a plural system in which many members are trans, I hope you will be able to forgive and trust us for this error in judgement and recognize that we are doing our best to moderate a poll involving many franchises with which we are not ourselves familiar. It is never our intention to erase the experiences of any transgender individual or invalidate any transgender representation with which those people identify.

[livingfictional]

Heyyyy, id love a baldurs gate and a red dead redemption matchup! (If i can select two if not simoly bg3 is fine!)

This is gonna be messy because i do not exist to myself and its really hard to describe myself but i digress!.

I am a trans man. I have a bleached blonde mullet with the shaved sides that are my natural hair colour which is brown, i have grey eyes with central heterochromia I think its what its called? I have a ring of green in my eye to accompany the grey. Im 5’7, i dress really well and i love to dress up though my style varies from streetwear to 3000 year old vampire. Im pretty skinny, got a slim waist🤞🤞

I am funny, love sarcasm, bullying my friends is my love language (when appropriate), in general my love languages are quality time and physical touch. Im very adaptable i love hiking as much as i love staying indoors and watching a movie. Interesting fast is that i cannot watch a movie alone i do not have the attention span for that i need someone else with me or something to do with my hands thats why i prefer videogames. Ill really do not care what people think about me unless its someone it’s someone close to me. Im protective of people i love in a “put myself between the danger and the loved one in case this goes south” way. I am extremely loyal but it takes a while to earn that partly because I’ve encountered a ton of horrible people (had like 3 different stalkers follow me home). I give great advice even though I don’t follow it. I feel all of my emotions deeply which kinda sucks because i grew up with an angry man in my house so thats the most prominent one but i am a lot better at handling that now than i used to. I am also quite competitive unless its someone i love then im alright with losing. I also love arguing as a joke and making up fake scenarios with my friends i think thats so fun.

For hobbies i do a lot but im not perfect in anything; cosplay, acting, sowing, rollerblading, ice skating, skateboarding, drawing, singing, dancing, baking, cooking, embroidery, prop making, video games, shows, swimming

This is a lot and messy so sorry about that🙏 i hope it makes enough sense😭

I am a gay man so id like to be matched with guys🫶🫶

Hiiii, don’t worry it does make sense! Hope you like it!

I match you up with…Halsin!

I feel like you guys would get along so well.

Deep inside, we know that Halsin is quite a playful guy, he’d play along with your teasing and sarcasm!

Knows of your upbringing, he’s the exact opposite of men you encountered growing up. He’ll help you with your emotions, there’s nothing wrong with being emotional! Will always listen and is ready to help or give advice. He just wants you to be happy.

You seem to have got a lot of hobbies, he’s more than happy to try some of them if you’d like to do that! Loves spending quality time with you.

I match you up with… Sean!

He’s a bit dumb, but he means well, deep inside.

Will make conscious effort to lower his voice, avoid yelling around you. He’s not angry, never, he’s just a tad loud with poor social awareness.

Will probably bully you back, that would be his love language too haha.

He feels honored that you put your trust in him, he’d never rush or push you, just happy that you’re there with him.

Would never let you put yourself in harm’s way, he wants to be the one to protect you and make you feel safe.

He is not great with his emotions either, quite oblivious, but will try his best to understand you and what you’re feeling.

[cathalbravecog]

long ramble, haven't had one of these in a while! if you read this, have fun. it's headcanons/thoughts on some stuff. i don't talk about my thoughts on story stuff publicly much anymore especially because 1) i'm shy 2) trust issues 3) bad rsd 4) i forgot the last point

i was writing for oNCE yesterday (some headcanon stuff, for myself, won't be posting that unless i change the wording of some of it to make more sense because i ramble a lot and it's a mess. like i am doing right now. also that turned into being mostly about hr in the end because i am ill. now hopefully this motivation will get me to write my mary and archie stuff.)

and when i went to bed i was thinking about some stuff in toontown, mostly the cogs - and how things work. these are things i ponder on very often and have talked about with my friends many time, throwing ideas back and forth and my headcanons for how things work.

though, there's one thing i really wonder about, and that's where cogs come from in ttcc exactly. in 'that' way though of course to keep things on the same rating as the game is i won't discuss anything explicit so don't worry. (besides they're robots and also are sexless to me, anything related to gender is purely cosmetic to them. you are usually assigned a certain expression when built though, but can change that later on. that's how i explain trans cogs.)

i think about how there are canonical families and children, and that they have "built" dates and places where they've been built. it's obvious as they're robots, they're not born they're built and made.

it's a bit difficult to explore with the limited info we have, which is kind of both an hassle to work with, but also beautiful because you can let your creativity go and make up your own headcanons, without things being set in too much canon. it's also difficult due to how different the suit culture is to us humans and also what we see from the toons which is by nature more familiar to us.

we also do not know much about suitopia, or other possible places where cogs live.

(i, personally, imagine suitopia as essentially a big country where most if not all cogs live. it has it's own regions, cities... all that. where as c.o.g.s. inc has built itself to be essentially it's own small country/community, if that makes sense. though cogs don't always only mention suitopia, at least once 'the whole world' is used. this is irrelevant tho so i won't discuss that but it's still a 'core' headcanon i have - as other things i may hc rely on this personal interpretation / headcanon.

but be aware i do not know everything is canon and can discuss things outside my realm of HCs and interpretations, but if i go deeper into like, let's say, analyzing a cog and imagining their backstory, instantly assume i'm using all these things. sorry for the side ramble, i want to make things clear for possible future reference.)

i wish it will be expanded upon slightly in the future, even a slightest crumb of what it's like out there and i can have a field day with it. i do enjoy the vagueness tho, again, as i've said we do not need to have all the information out there and it's not necessary to the main stories that are being told but MAN my brain itches for MORE. i demand EXPLANATIONS. and so i make up my own lol and i love that i can do that /gen (there's some stuff i do have an issue with that it was not explained better, but again, fixed that with hcs. talking abt atticus but im not getting into that rn)

there also may be things i am missing - i have known of ttcc's existence since it's early days, but i wasn't there for it and missed being there in person for any lore until i started playing for real in early 2023 and became a part of the community. like, there ARE things i have missed AND small details i am missing. that's one criticism i have about some info being more difficult to access now, but the main stuff is on the wiki an all luckily.

anyways that ramble out of the way... how the heck are cogs made? there's a few ways, that seem contradictory in some ways at first but i just see it as different methods.

we know cogs can change their appearances (their shell) and be "upgraded". we know cogs can even choose to be just their skelecogs (Atticus) and i suppose every other skelecog we see.) we know cogs have families and have their own kids. (cathal and bobby jr come to mind, and also belle's own kids and grandkids. not to mention, we have siblings too - thomas and robert. and their whole family drama DOES involve their unseen parents.) we know many cogs, mostly the managers, come into the company as their are - but also new parts are built, at least for the employee cogs in sellbot hq. (recently re-read the dialogue which confirmed this - literally as you're building your sellbot suit.)

we know cogs are more than just some working machines and do have deeper lives and desires and even relationships, though all instances of a parent/child relationship in ttcc have only one parent. makes sense after all they don't reproduce sexually to put it that way, again they're built and they're robots.)

it's easy to conclude, that, cogs are just built. which is true. but it just makes me wonder. we know they age. we have at least 1 cog who is a literal child, and bobby, in human years at least, looks no older than like, 8 years old. (we also don't know how cogs age. we also know cog's don't die like that, due to the whole deal with atticus. i will talk about this one day i have so many thoughts on it)

we know they grow up and even have schools - they're not programmed with everything. they earn experience as they live life and even have?? education systems? like they're more like people than we thought. (ttcc does make cogs more easily sympathized with and gives us INDIVIDUAL cogs and not just... 'The Cogs'. cogs are the focus of ttcc so of course they're developed more and are more 'human' despite being machines.)

so clearly, there's cogs like bobby. who are built young and eventually grow up. we have not seen a cog growing up yet, at least i don't think. but i wonder how that works. through cartoon logic, do they just grow up? their skelecog and perhaps their shell, too? or do they periodically get upgraded to be larger - wouldn't it make sense to built a cog as, well, an adult already? to program all these things? there may be more limits to this than we think, but also just... cultural things possibly.

the only cog CHILD (not just the child of someone - cathal's an adult. also, redd mention, but redd's adopted so he doesn't count) we ever see is bobby and, he is the child of robert, who is known to be very short. we don't know if bobby's going to grow up, or if this height is what he's just going to be like. we have one image where he's way smaller than robert, and other, more recent ones, where they're a similar heights. is that just art inconsistency due to the nature of all the (amazing) artwork being, well, volounteer work and that not everything is (or has to be) perfect? or did bobby really grow up. i'm talking about the wallet picture and the comics featuring bobby, by the way.

though, as things are, i'm sort of assuming that bobby's going to grow up or be upgraded in some way to "grow up"? i don't think we need an clear explanation for that, and in a universe like this 'cartoon logic' would be enough, but it's still something to think about.

like...how do cogs go about having kids, anyways? all instances we see are visually similar as well. cathal has the same gear for his neck as allan's body does, and they have the same head lightbulbs and wires. bobby jr and robert are both furniture.

i've always assumed that it's like in robots (the movie, that i havent watched in years which would be helpful for all this, probably.) if you decide to have a child just for the experience of raising a child, to have a legacy, or due to a bond with a partner - you literally just build one. perhaps not in the same way as in the movie - in here it definitely requires more paperwork and blueprints. but again, it's interesting to think about! hey company i want a CHILD. i look like this build them like me thanks here's some blueprints. (this also explains the amount of single parents. though belle has to have been married/is married as her honorific is listed as mrs. hey fun fact, non native english speaker here. i didnt know 'mrs' means a lady is married until like this year. i've been on this earth for 19 years.)

like the concept of family is possibly just more social there than anything. duh... can't exactly have the same oil and wires inside of you as Robots .

anyways, so that explains kids... but what about the others? some cogs don't have any families mentioned but it's not hard to assume they come from families with parents and siblings as well. what about the employee cogs? who are quite literally very disposable in a way?

we do have to take into account that after all, employee cogs we see just on and about on the streets are mostly a game mechanic, and there are some individual cogs who ARE cogs who would typically be employees cogs. (jennifer comes to mind first, she's a micromanager but also a secretary and counts as a manager. same goes for judy and so forth.)

and y'know, the game won't have a personality and backstory for each random flunky on the streets you fight. but with often they get destroyed and repaired and that there's just... so many of them! of the same model and appearance... makes you think. is that why they were made? are they truly more robotic than the others, more devoid of 'humanity'? or were they different cogs, perhaps more lower class, who's appearances were changed entirely to fit into more easily fixable and replaceable shell forms? something that's less expensive for the company and for them? i swear i am missing some details on this, but that's for me to re read the wiki and cogs ink for on my own later. (i need to have full info n everything and if i dont bring up that i know one small detail i will explode bc someone will bring it up and make me feel dumb and that's the rsd part and it's often physically painful!)

very hard to tell, i'm sort of content with my thoughts on how cogs have kids, but i hope we ever get a bit more clarity on employee cogs - though it is a bit problematic as these are the guys you beat up on the daily who don't have individual personalities.

like i'm just rambling as i go here man, it was gonna be cohesive but i'm just spitting thoughts here now. like, we have 3 seperate skelecog types - all cogs come with a skelecog like we have a skeleton so that also comes into play. it can be adjusted in ways, most notably the head and also in size. though we do have a 4 arm cog. jason please i love you /p we need more jason content. it's wacky, it's tacky - it's toontown!

fun stuff to think about but i just deep fried my brain. tdlr i guess.

how cogs made. how cogs have kids. how cogs work in general. very swag very cool. guzma cathal spades spamtongender goes on 1568854 different tangents while saying they wont aka your swagesty your adhd symptoms are showing

that's it fellas enjoy 2k words of incomprehensible rambles that i am happy to finally get out! you see the way i explain things is precisely why i almost never do it publicly and i need practice shortening things.

[for-yoongi0309]

— Namjoon, WEVERSE 221202

Hello, to everyone I love dearly.

I proffer you a hello at the tail ending of 2022.

Tomorrow will mark the 15th year since i started creating music, while in the last month of being in my 20s, my first album is set to be released soon.

There are a lot of complicated thoughts tangled/tangling inside my mind, but one thought of all the work i have done, my previous and the current works of mine, was to release this one album, that's the only thing that is being repeated inside my mind all this time.

First of all, thank you all so much. With the trust that so many have noticed/become aware and caught on to my trivial but earnestness of mine. I was able to become more brave and be able to blend music truthfully with the languages that are close to my heart in the current shaping.

I am so / i am really lucky

In all my honesty, i didn't have any thought/could not decide on what song i wanted for the title track. all the songs i have created are equally important to me, seriously.

In the current era of streaming, I feel nervous and a little frightened to have a 4 minute and 33 second song that is only korean/hangul written in its title. But none of the songs were intended to cause any hype or noise from the very beginning! (i really mean it)

Just like ID, an archive [of rkive] i think it is going to be enough if these songs are recorded and bloom inside the minds of many people and their heart. with their everlasting same scent they always had before even after time passes through.

Some of you might have found it a little strange and odd that i had so many other artists participate in my first solo album, but however this album is an album like no other but more like an art exhibit that i curated myself. if you could / but you once look and hear my harmony with them, you will be able to understand the frequencies of the wavelenths created by all the people who participated are irreplaceaable / could not be replaced. they were all my first priority and number one artists that i always wanted to work with and recruit!

I, above all, more than anything, i sincerely owe all of them my time, my debt, hours, months and even years of my life. I have always wanted to become a person like that as well to someone else.

I have already made and recorded so much content and as the release is nearing, i am in the state of feeling alone and empty, so i am home drinking with myself but... as like it was 10 years ago, i am trying my hardest not to doubt that sincerity will be of sincere and with love will surely reach as such love.

Although, i did not plan or design it out fully from the beginning like i did with MONO, like the description states "10 blues included", when you lay down and spread them out, they become so beautiful and so many diverse shades of indigo that were hidden within inside me. so please, i request that you will listen to the (songs) in order.

As i am planning on unfolding this album with loads of my own content that i have thought of since long before now,. it would really be nice if everyone likes the album. but i am still trying to keep my mind set to calm when i thinking if nobody does like it. with the attitude of "well if not, what about it then?" but with the confidence of believing that there is one / there is someone else who shares those blues that pleases you out of ten blues. i will see you all tomorrow.

With these same old expressions, the same gestures but in a more organized way made in wavelengths of frequencies, i send you my words in a letter and i would be grateful if you receive it all dearly.

Wishing and hoping that all of these songs will not be some reckless bravado boldness but with the same courage you all have given to me

- NAMJOON

Trans © Hana at @For-yoongi0309 | Please do not remove credits or claim as yours